Season 4 · Tập 3

kids,in the fall of 2008,i've had a little problem

/kɪdz/ /fɔːl/ /hæd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈprɒbləm/

All right, I got to get to Stella's.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ɡɛt/

Tonight's the night, guys.

/naɪt/ /ɡaɪz/

I've tried it before, I've failed every time.

/ɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /feɪld/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/

This time, I am gonna do it.

/taɪm/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Tonight...

/təˈnaɪt/

I pick up a lesbian.

/pɪk/ /ʌp/

Robin, I need your lipstick.

/niːd/ /jʊr/

Oh,man!

/mæn/

Take pictures, all right?

/teɪk/ /ˈpɪktʃərz/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

bye ted

/baɪ/

I lived in New York,

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/

but Stella lived acrossthe river in New Jersey...

/bʌt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Oh,man!

/mæn/

...which meant I was alwaystaking the train.

/wɪtʃ/ /wɒz/ /treɪn/

What's up, Ted?

/ʌp/

Hey, Matisse.

Hey, T-Diddy!

-You missed it. -Robin got that national anchor job.

/juː/ /mɪst/ /ɪt/ /ðæt/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /dʒɒb/

And we got a free bottle of champagne.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /friː/ /ˈbɒtəl/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/

Ah, but it's empty now.

/bʌt/ /ˈɛmpti/ /naʊ/

Oh,man!

/mæn/

And as result, it seemed like

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/

I was missing out on everything.

/wɒz/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

Sorry, we couldn't wait.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /wiː/ /weɪt/

It was getting cold.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /koʊld/

Oh,man!

/mæn/

Hey, big guy.

/bɪɡ/ /ɡaɪ/

What's up, G?

/ʌp/

Are you okay?

/juː/

Yeah, I'm fine. It's just...

/faɪn/ /dʒʌst/

you know, I want to hang out with you guys.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

I want to hang out with my friends.

/wɒnt/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /frɛndz/

I just feel like I'm spending all my time on the train.

/dʒʌst/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /taɪm/ /ɒn/ /treɪn/

Okay, how about this,

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/

why don't you ask your friends to come out here sometime?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /æsk/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/ /kʌm/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

That's a great idea.

/ɡreɪt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

You want us to go to New Jersey?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/ /ɡoʊ/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Oh, that is rich.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /rɪtʃ/

Why?

/waɪ/

Well, for starters,

/wɛl/ /fɔːr/

I don't have any of my gold medallions anymore.

/hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/ /maɪ/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

I sold them when they went out of style 400 years ago.

/soʊld/ /ðɛm/ /wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /wɛnt/ /aʊt/ /staɪl/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Lily? Lily?

Oh, sorry, Ted.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I'm a born and raised New Yorker.

/bɔːrn/ /ænd/ /njuː/

I'm programmed to despise and loathe

/ænd/

New Jersey and all that it stands for.

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/

Why am I telling you this?

/waɪ/ /juː/

You hate New Jersey more than anyone.

/juː/ /heɪt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

What? I don't hate New Jersey.

/wɒt/ /heɪt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Why would you think that?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/

And then he cut in front of me.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /hiː/ /kʌt/ /miː/

God, I hate line cutters

/heɪt/ /laɪn/

more than I hate New Jersey.

/mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /heɪt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Well, that's not true.

/wɛl/ /truː/

There's nothing I hate more than New Jersey.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /heɪt/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Right?

/raɪt/

Hey, you want us to wait for you?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/ /weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

No, I might be awhile.

/noʊ/ /maɪt/ /biː/

I got a drop a massive New Jersey.

/drɒp/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Okay,

so New Jersey's not my favorite place.

/njuː/ /maɪ/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /pleɪs/

But once Stella and I get married

/bʌt/ /wʌns/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/

and she and Lucy move in with me,

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /ænd/ /muːv/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I'll never set foot in New Jersey again.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɛt/ /fʊt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /əˈɡɛn/

Unless I'm going to see a Giants game

/ənˈlɛs/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /siː/ /ɡeɪm/

or flying out of Newark

/aʊt/

or God forbid, disposing of a body.

/ˈbɒdi/

Ted, if you murder me and bury me in New Jersey,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ˈmɜːdər/ /miː/ /ænd/ /miː/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

I'll haunt you forever.

/juː/ /fərˈɛvər/

But if I murder you and bury you somewhere else?

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /ˈmɜːdər/ /juː/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ˈsʌmwɛr/ /ɛls/

Eh, I'll leave you alone.

/liːv/ /juː/ /əˈloʊn/

I'm sure you had your reasons.

/ʃʊr/ /juː/ /hæd/ /jʊr/ /ˈriːzənz/

kids, your Aunt Robin was sick of her job at Metro News One.

/kɪdz/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /wɒz/ /sɪk/ /hɜːr/ /dʒɒb/ /njuːz/

She was sick of the low production value...

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /sɪk/ /loʊ/

I'm Robin Scherbatsky, and you're watching...

/ænd/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

Etro News One at 11:00.

/njuːz/

And again at 1:00.

/ænd/ /əˈɡɛn/

...sick of the stories she had to report...

/sɪk/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /ʃiː/ /hæd/ /rɪˈpɔːrt/

So hurry up and get your votes in

/ˈhʌri/ /ʌp/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /jʊr/

for New York's cutest doggie.

/fɔːr/ /njuː/

...and most of all,

/ænd/ /moʊst/ /ɔːl/

she was sick of all the stupid puns.

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /sɪk/ /ɔːl/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/

Four transit workers were electrocuted

/ˈtrænsɪt/ /wɜːr/

when a subway train jumped the tracks.

/wɛn/ /ˈsʌbweɪ/ /treɪn/

Stay tuned for the...

/steɪ/ /fɔːr/

shocking derails.

Joel, people died.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /daɪd/

So when the call came in

/wɛn/ /kɔːl/

that she got the big national anchor job,

/ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /dʒɒb/

she finally got to say the words

/ʃiː/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /seɪ/ /wɜːrdz/

she'd been dreaming of saying for years...

/fɔːr/

Tonight will be my last broadcast.

/təˈnaɪt/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /maɪ/ /læst/ /ˈbrɔːdkɑːst/

I came to Metro News One as a little caterpillar.

/njuːz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

And for four years, this desk has been my cocoon.

/ænd/ /fɔːr/ /dɛsk/ /hæz/ /maɪ/

But tonight,

/bʌt/ /təˈnaɪt/

I emerge an ambitious butterfly.

Why does she sound like an idiot?

/waɪ/ /dʌz/ /ʃiː/ /saʊnd/ /laɪk/ /ˈɪdiət/

-Did she have a stroke? -Yeah.

/dɪd/ /ʃiː/ /hæv/

A stroke of genius.

This speech is really good.

/spiːtʃ/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/

With one eye on the horizon,

/wɪð/ /aɪ/ /ɒn/

one eye on the truth,

/aɪ/ /ɒn/ /truːθ/

and one eye on all of you.

/ænd/ /aɪ/ /ɒn/ /ɔːl/ /juː/

You wrote it for her, didn't you?

/juː/ /roʊt/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /juː/

It's a modified version of the speech I gave

/ˈvɜːrʒən/ /spiːtʃ/ /ɡeɪv/

when I had to leave the swim team

/wɛn/ /hæd/ /liːv/ /swɪm/ /tiːm/

because of a chronic inner ear situation.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˌsɪtʃuˈeɪʃən/

I thought you were the towel boy.

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈtaʊəl/ /bɔɪ/

It's part of the team.

/pɑːrt/ /tiːm/

So that Saturday

/ðæt/ /ˈsætərdeɪ/

as Robin went off for her first day at her new job,

/wɛnt/ /ɒf/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /fɜːrst/ /deɪ/ /hɜːr/ /njuː/ /dʒɒb/

we all headed across the river

/wiː/ /ɔːl/ /ˈhɛdɪd/ /əˈkrɒs/

to experience some of that crazy New Jersey nightlife.

/ɪkˈspɪəriəns/ /sʌm/ /ðæt/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Okay, Stella couldn't find a sitter,

/faɪnd/

so we can't go out. Instead...

/wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /ɪnˈstɛd/

we're all gonna hang out here

/ɔːl/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

and it's gonna be just as awesome.

/ænd/ /biː/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Right, we got board games,

/raɪt/ /wiː/ /bɔːrd/ /ɡeɪmz/

we got movies.

/wiː/

And I think there may be some beer out in the garage.

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /ðɛr/ /meɪ/ /biː/ /sʌm/ /bɪər/ /aʊt/ /ɡəˈrɑːʒ/

Ted, this is pathetic. It's Saturday night.

/ɪz/ /ˈsætərdeɪ/ /naɪt/

We should be out at a bar.drinking alcohol.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /aʊt/ /bɑːr/ /ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/

Now I know that that sounds depressing,

/naʊ/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /ðæt/

bordering on tragic, but it's just a fact.

/ɒn/ /bʌt/ /dʒʌst/ /fækt/

Yeah,and I want another crack at that chick, Doris.

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ðæt/ /tʃɪk/

I know I can land that lesbian plane.

/noʊ/ /kæn/ /lænd/ /ðæt/ /pleɪn/

No snakes on that plane.

/noʊ/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /pleɪn/

--

Okay, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

Come on, you promised.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /juː/

Let's just hang out here, try to have fun.

/dʒʌst/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /traɪ/ /hæv/ /fʌn/

I mean, we're all together,

/miːn/ /ɔːl/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

friends hanging out.

/frɛndz/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /aʊt/

Isn't that what really matters?

/ðæt/ /wɒt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Okay, if we take the next train,

/ɪf/ /wiː/ /teɪk/ /nɛkst/ /treɪn/

we can be at MacLaren's by 11:00.

/wiː/ /kæn/ /biː/

We can be there by 10:00.

/wiː/ /kæn/ /biː/ /ðɛr/

No, I have to change first.

/noʊ/ /hæv/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /fɜːrst/

I am not walking into MacLaren's

smelling like New Jersey.

/laɪk/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

You guys really hate it here, huh?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /heɪt/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

What?! No!

/wɒt/ /noʊ/

Stels... Stels...

I get it, I mean, you guys are all New Yorkers.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /miːn/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɔːl/ /njuː/

You need to go hang out at a bar.

/juː/ /niːd/ /ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /bɑːr/

Well, you could just hang out at the coolest bar in the state,

/wɛl/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /aʊt/ /bɑːr/

which is so close it will blow your mind.

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /kloʊs/ /ɪt/ /wɪl/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/

And boom goes the dynamite.

/ænd/ /ɡoʊz/

The coolest bar in New Jersey.

/bɑːr/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Yeah, it probably is.

/ɪt/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɪz/

This is great!

/ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/

We got darts.

/wiː/

Half a ping-pong table.

/hæf/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

A fish bowl.

/fɪʃ/ /boʊl/

Look what turned out to be an awesome night as promised.

/lʊk/ /wɒt/ /aʊt/ /biː/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /naɪt/

Maybe we can drop

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /drɒp/

some Bac-O's in here

/sʌm/ /hɪr/

and make them fight.

/ænd/ /meɪk/ /ðɛm/ /faɪt/

No, thanks.

/noʊ/

I don't mess with fish bowls

/mɛs/ /wɪð/ /fɪʃ/

unless they have my two favorite fish--

/ənˈlɛs/ /ðeɪ/ /hæv/ /maɪ/ /tuː/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /fɪʃ/

the sucker fish and the blow fish.

/fɪʃ/ /ænd/ /fɪʃ/

What up!

/wɒt/ /ʌp/

For "blow fish"?

/fɔːr/ /fɪʃ/

I don't think so.

/θɪŋk/

Marshall. Marshall.

You're better than that.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Lily. Lily.

Not good enough.

/ɡʊd/ /ɪˈnʌf/

Stella? Stella?

Sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I am not lowering this until someone gives me the respect

/ənˈtɪl/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɡɪvz/ /miː/ /rɪˈspɛkt/

of another person's knuckles tapping against mine

/əˈnʌðər/ /əˈɡɛnst/ /maɪn/

in a light but decisive manner.

/laɪt/ /bʌt/

Pretty, pretty...

/ˈprɪti/ /ˈprɪti/

Pretty, pretty...

/ˈprɪti/ /ˈprɪti/

Pretty... Who's a pretty baby?

/ˈprɪti/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Then know this...

/ðɛn/ /noʊ/

until it gets what it wants,

/ənˈtɪl/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛts/ /wɒt/ /ɪt/

nay, deserves,

this fist will not yield.

/wɪl/

It.

/ɪt/

Will. Not. Yield.

/wɪl/

So who wants to play Scrabble?

/huː/ /pleɪ/

Sure, whatever.

/ʃʊr/

Oh, heads up,

/hɛdz/ /ʌp/

the "X" tile is little hard to read

/ɪz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /hɑːrd/ /riːd/

because a couple years ago,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /əˈɡoʊ/

it went all the way through my dog.

/ɪt/ /wɛnt/ /ɔːl/ /weɪ/ /θruː/ /maɪ/ /dɔːɡ/

You know, maybe we should get a dog again when you move in.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /dɔːɡ/ /əˈɡɛn/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /muːv/

When I what?

/wɛn/ /wɒt/

Oh, great. There's Robin.

/ɡreɪt/

I thought they were moving in with you.

/θɔːt/ /ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /wɪð/ /juː/

So did I.

/dɪd/

Oh, God, am I moving to New Jersey?

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Hey, guys,

/ɡaɪz/

I bet that dog was really flying high

/bɛt/ /ðæt/ /dɔːɡ/ /wɒz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /haɪ/

after it swallowed a little "X."

/ˈæf.tər/ /ɪt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Nailed it!

/ɪt/

Come on!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

I can't live here.

/lɪv/ /hɪr/

It wouldn't be that bad.

/ɪt/ /biː/ /ðæt/ /bæd/

You could put a mini- fridge over there

/juː/ /kʊd/ /pʊt/ /frɪdʒ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/

and maybe some knock hockey.

/ænd/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /sʌm/ /nɒk/ /ˈhɒki/

Knock hockey.Nice one, Big Mon.

/nɒk/ /ˈhɒki/ /naɪs/ /bɪɡ/

I meant New Jersey in general,

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /ˈdʒɛnərəl/

not this basement.

/ˈbeɪsmənt/

She wants me to move here?

/ʃiː/ /miː/ /muːv/ /hɪr/

I don't get it. We discussed this months ago.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /wiː/ /əˈɡoʊ/

So I was thinking after the wedding,

/wɒz/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

you and Lucy could move in here.

/juː/ /ænd/ /kʊd/ /muːv/ /hɪr/

Yeah, she could play out on the fire escape,

/ʃiː/ /kʊd/ /pleɪ/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/ /faɪər/ /ɪˈskeɪp/

maybe make friends with that guy

/ˈmeɪbi/ /meɪk/ /frɛndz/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

who sleeps on that couch in the alley,

/huː/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /kaʊtʃ/

ride her bike up and down Broadway.

/raɪd/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/ /ænd/ /daʊn/

It's a great idea, Ted.

/ɡreɪt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

I don't understand why you'd want to live in New Jersey

/ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /waɪ/ /wɒnt/ /lɪv/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

when you have a chance to live in Manhattan?

/wɛn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /tʃæns/ /lɪv/

I thought having a rent-controlled apartment on the Upper West Side

/θɔːt/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ɒn/ /wɛst/ /saɪd/

was half the reason she agreed to marry me.

/wɒz/ /hæf/ /ˈriːzən/ /ʃiː/ /ˈmæri/ /miː/

Really, I thought it was the whole reason.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɔːt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /hoʊl/ /ˈriːzən/

What is up?!

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ʌp/

Robin, hey! Robin, hey!

Looking good.

/ɡʊd/

Bump the Barnacle.

Stella already told me not to.

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /toʊld/ /miː/

How was your first day?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /fɜːrst/ /deɪ/

-It wasn't. -What?

/ɪt/ /wɒt/

It wasn't my first day.

/ɪt/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /deɪ/

I showed up and there were 20 other people.

/ʌp/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/ /wɜːr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

It turns out, I didn't actually get the job.

/ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ɡɛt/ /dʒɒb/

I only got an audition.

/ˈoʊnli/

What, how did that happen?

/wɒt/ /haʊ/ /dɪd/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

Because he told me that I got it.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /hiː/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/

I got it?!

/ɪt/

I got it!

/ɪt/

And just to be clear, when I say "you got it,"

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /biː/ /klɪər/ /wɛn/ /seɪ/ /juː/ /ɪt/

I mean an audition.

/miːn/

You got an audition.

/juː/

I don't want there to be any confusion.

/wɒnt/ /ðɛr/ /biː/ /ˈɛn.i/

You have an audition only.

/juː/ /hæv/ /ˈoʊnli/

Not the job.

/dʒɒb/

Thank you! Thank you!

/juː/ /juː/

Okay, I'm going to call

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kɔːl/

-and beg Joel to give me my job back. -No!

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/ /bæk/ /noʊ/

You hated that job.

/juː/ /ˈheɪtɪd/ /ðæt/ /dʒɒb/

I don't know, it wasn't so bad.

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /bæd/

Robin, what did they make you call Tropical Storm Hector

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /ðeɪ/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /ˈtrɒpɪkəl/ /stɔːrm/

when it was raining cats and dogs?

/wɛn/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ænd/ /dɒɡz/

A furricane.

Hey, Ted.

Rock me like a furricane.

/miː/ /laɪk/

Thanks.

Mean.

/miːn/

Okay, yeah, it sucks, but what can I do?

/ɪt/ /bʌt/ /wɒt/ /kæn/ /duː/

I mean, I'm not going to get that other job.

/miːn/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /dʒɒb/

You guys should have seen the other women at this audition.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

They all had more experience than me,

/ðeɪ/ /ɔːl/ /hæd/ /mɔːr/ /ɪkˈspɪəriəns/ /ðæn/ /miː/

were more ethnic than me.

/wɜːr/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /miː/

There was an African-American chick with blue eyes,

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /tʃɪk/ /wɪð/ /bluː/ /aɪz/

how can I compete with that?

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /kəmˈpiːt/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Mm, you can't.

/juː/

No, you can compete with anyone.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /kæn/ /kəmˈpiːt/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

You're Robin Scherbatsky.

Confident. Strong. Tall.

/ˈkɒnfɪdənt/ /strɒŋ/ /tɔːl/

With crazy long legs that look great in shorts.

/wɪð/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /lɔːŋ/ /lɛɡz/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/ /ɡreɪt/

I'm calling Joel.

/ˈkɔːlɪŋ/

No, Robin, if you call him right now,

/noʊ/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /hɪm/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

you will hate yourself.

/juː/ /wɪl/ /heɪt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Look, I have slept with lots of women

/lʊk/ /hæv/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

who afterwards told me off and stormed out.

/huː/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ɒf/ /ænd/ /aʊt/

And sometimes

/ænd/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/

they'd pick up the phone

/pɪk/ /ʌp/ /foʊn/

and they'd call me

/ænd/ /kɔːl/ /miː/

and then we'd hook up again.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ʌp/ /əˈɡɛn/

And when we were finished,

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfɪnɪʃt/

I could see that look on their faces,

/kʊd/ /siː/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/ /ɒn/ /ðɛr/

that look that says they hate themselves

/ðæt/ /lʊk/ /ðæt/ /ðeɪ/ /heɪt/

and they wish they'd never called.

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /wɪʃ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

But if you could see that look...

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /siː/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/

Actually, you can see that look, there's a video.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /juː/ /kæn/ /siː/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

www-dot... www-dot...

No! Stop, okay? I won't call.

/noʊ/ /stɒp/ /kɔːl/

Don't drink the beer!

/drɪŋk/ /bɪər/

I just remembered when I bought it.

/dʒʌst/ /wɛn/ /bɔːt/ /ɪt/

It was right before I got pregnant with Lucy.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /raɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/ /wɪð/

Ted, would you mind running to PriceCo and picking some up?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /maɪnd/ /ˈrʌnɪŋ/ /ænd/ /sʌm/ /ʌp/

Oh, and while you're there,

/ænd/ /waɪl/ /ðɛr/

maybe you could sign up for a card.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /saɪn/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/

I mean, you'll probably end up going there all the time.

/miːn/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɛnd/ /ʌp/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ðɛr/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

That's the look.

/lʊk/

I can't move here.

/muːv/ /hɪr/

I hate it here.

/heɪt/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

I would kill myself.

/wʊd/ /kɪl/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

Maybe New Jersey's not that bad.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /njuː/ /ðæt/ /bæd/

Stella has a lawn.

/hæz/

You could get a riding lawn mower.

/juː/ /kʊd/ /ɡɛt/

They sell them over there.

/ðeɪ/ /sɛl/ /ðɛm/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/

I saw one with a cup holder.

/sɔː/ /wɪð/ /kʌp/

I saw a recliner with a built-in cup holder.

/sɔː/ /wɪð/ /kʌp/

I even saw a hammock with a cup holder.

/ˈiːvən/ /sɔː/ /wɪð/ /kʌp/

You live in New Jersey,

/juː/ /lɪv/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

you never have to hold a cup again.

/juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/ /hoʊld/ /kʌp/ /əˈɡɛn/

I don't think I have as big a problem

/θɪŋk/ /hæv/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈprɒbləm/

holding cups as you do.

/ˈhoʊldɪŋ/ /juː/ /duː/

I will give you $100 to fist pump me.

/wɪl/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /miː/

$200.

Just put it down, Barney.

/dʒʌst/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/

Your arm must be killing you by now.

/jʊr/ /mʌst/ /biː/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /juː/ /naʊ/

$10,000.

Look, you'll be right across the river.

/lʊk/ /biː/ /raɪt/ /əˈkrɒs/

You'll be in New York all the time.

/biː/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

Um, excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

You guys are from New York, right?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /raɪt/

Yeah, we moved here from Manhattan.

/wiː/ /hɪr/

Do you ever get into the city?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈsɪt.i/

All the time.

/ɔːl/ /taɪm/

See? All the time.

/siː/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

When was the last time you were there?

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ðɛr/

We just had dinner at O'Rourke's.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

That's been closed for six years.

/kloʊzd/ /fɔːr/ /sɪks/

It has been awhile.

/ɪt/ /hæz/

Funny, we don't miss it.

/ˈfʌn.i/ /wiː/ /mɪs/ /ɪt/

Well, I guess we're New Jersey-ians now.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /njuː/ /naʊ/

Honey, look,

/ˈhʌni/ /lʊk/

dog shirts.

/dɔːɡ/

I can't do it.

/duː/ /ɪt/

I'm just going to tell Stella

/dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /tɛl/

she and Lucy have to move into the city and that's that.

/ʃiː/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /muːv/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /ænd/ /ðæt/

Okay, what do you guys think?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /θɪŋk/

Beagle or Boston terrier?

Are those tears?

/ðoʊz/

They're awesome...

/ˈɔːsəm/

manly pain tears. They're not emotional.

/peɪn/ /ɪˈmoʊʃənəl/

Okay, they're a little bit emotional.

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɪˈmoʊʃənəl/

Where's Robin?

Oh, no.

/noʊ/

Hey, Shirley,

it's Robin calling for Joel.

/ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /fɔːr/

Robin, hang up the phone. Don't do this.

/ʌp/ /foʊn/ /duː/

Sorry, I know, okay?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /noʊ/

-If you don't hang up right now... -Shh. Stop.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /stɒp/

Hey, Joel, it's Robin.

So Madam Butterfly wants to come back to the cocoon.

/kʌm/ /bæk/

Yeah, look, I'm sorry I said all that stuff.

/lʊk/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /sɛd/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /stʌf/

Well, you can stick your sorries in your sock drawer,

/wɛl/ /juː/ /kæn/ /stɪk/ /jʊr/ /jʊr/

'cause you've already been replaced.

/kɔːz/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

I've got Brian in makeup and he couldn't be more excited.

/ænd/ /hiː/ /biː/ /mɔːr/ /ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/

I can't do this. I can't do this.

/duː/ /duː/

Uh, okay, look, as much as I want to see college boy

/lʊk/ /mʌtʃ/ /wɒnt/ /siː/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/ /bɔɪ/

here wet himself on camera,

/hɪr/ /wɛt/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/ /ɒn/ /ˈkæmərə/

if you can get here in time to read the 11:00 news,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /hɪr/ /taɪm/ /riːd/ /njuːz/

you can have your old job back.

/juː/ /kæn/ /hæv/ /jʊr/ /oʊld/ /dʒɒb/ /bæk/

Okay, I have a half hour to make it to the studio.

/hæv/ /hæf/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/

There's no way you can make it

/noʊ/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /kæn/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/

to the city in a half hour.

/ˈsɪt.i/ /hæf/ /ˈaʊ.ər/

Robin, don't do this.

/duː/

I know it's scary to bet on yourself,

/noʊ/ /ˈskɛri/ /bɛt/ /ɒn/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

but if you don't, nobody else will.

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /ɛls/ /wɪl/

And I'm not just saying that to get a fist bump.

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /ɡɛt/

Although, come on, a fist bump would be great.

/ɔːlˈðoʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ɡreɪt/

But I really mean it.

/bʌt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /miːn/ /ɪt/

I am betting on myself.

/ɒn/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

I am betting that i can make it there by 11 o'clock

/ðæt/ /kæn/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ðɛr/

-Hey, did you get the beer? -Yeah, I got 144-pack.

/dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /bɪər/

The rest is in the trunk.

/rɛst/ /ɪz/ /trʌŋk/

And did you sign up for the membership?

/ænd/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /saɪn/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/

No.

/noʊ/

Why not?

/waɪ/

There was a line for the photos...

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /laɪn/ /fɔːr/

my hair's a mess...

/maɪ/ /mɛs/

I don't want to move to New Jersey.

/wɒnt/ /muːv/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

What? Sao?

/wɒt/

I can't do it.

/duː/ /ɪt/

And I can't see any reason

/ænd/ /siː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈriːzən/

why you and Lucy shouldn't move to New York.

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ænd/ /muːv/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Well, my daughter goes to school here.

/wɛl/ /maɪ/ /ˈdɔːtər/ /ɡoʊz/ /skuːl/ /hɪr/

All of her friends are here.

/ɔːl/ /hɜːr/ /frɛndz/ /hɪr/

I've lived here my whole life.

/hɪr/ /maɪ/ /hoʊl/ /laɪf/

My whole family is here.

/maɪ/ /hoʊl/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ɪz/ /hɪr/

This is my house.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /haʊs/

I'm on the PTA.

/ɒn/

And as of June 1, I'm the deputy mayor.

/ænd/

Yes, but my apartment is really close to the subway.

/bʌt/ /maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /kloʊs/ /ˈsʌbweɪ/

Ted, we're not moving, end of discussion.

/ɛnd/

How can it be end of discussion

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /ɪt/ /biː/ /ɛnd/

if there's never been a discussion?

/ɪf/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

This is part of being a parent.

/ɪz/ /pɑːrt/ /ˈpɛrənt/

I can't just uproot Lucy.

/dʒʌst/

People with kids move all the time.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɪð/ /kɪdz/ /muːv/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

I think it would be really great for Lucy

/θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡreɪt/ /fɔːr/

to grow up in the greatest city in the world.

/ɡroʊ/ /ʌp/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /wɜːrld/

Oh, here we go--

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

New York's the greatest city in the whole wide world.

/njuː/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /hoʊl/ /waɪd/ /wɜːrld/

It's where dreams come true

/wɛr/ /driːmz/ /kʌm/ /truː/

and pigeon poop tastes like tapioca.

/ænd/ /laɪk/

Want to know a little secret, Ted?

/wɒnt/ /noʊ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/

New Jersey is better than New York.

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /ɪz/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Better than...?

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/

You think...? I...

/juː/ /θɪŋk/

The Empire State Buil...

H and H Bage...

/ænd/

Lincoln Ce... Lincoln Ce...

Zabar's... Zabar's...

Papaya King. Papaya King.

/kɪŋ/ /kɪŋ/

New York is

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ɪz/

the intellectual and cultural hub of the planet.

/ænd/ /ˈplænɪt/

New York is full of weirdoes, and snobs and mean people.

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ɪz/ /fʊl/ /ænd/ /ænd/ /miːn/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

Ted, do you know that once, an old lady

/duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wʌns/ /oʊld/ /ˈleɪdi/

actually called me a bitch and threw a cat in my face?

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /miː/ /ænd/ /kæt/ /maɪ/ /feɪs/

And you want to know if that happened in New Jersey?

/ænd/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/ /ɪf/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Uh-uh, 86th and Lex,

/ænd/

right in front of your beloved little Papaya King.

/raɪt/ /jʊr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪŋ/

Ted, people are nice in New Jersey.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /naɪs/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

I mean it's the kind of place where you know your neighbors.

/miːn/ /kaɪnd/ /pleɪs/ /wɛr/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /jʊr/

Hey, I know my neighbors.

/noʊ/ /maɪ/

Oh, yeah? Like who?

/laɪk/ /huː/

Right across the hall, I got...

/raɪt/ /əˈkrɒs/ /hɔːl/

Clax... pa... mon... Clax... pa... mon...

Claxpamon? His name is Paxton.

/hɪz/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

Love that dude.

/lʌv/ /ðæt/

Sorry,in a hurry.Got to get to the front.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈhʌri/ /ɡɛt/

Got to get off first.

/ɡɛt/ /ɒf/ /fɜːrst/

Whoa, don't run over Matisse.

/rʌn/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

Okay, so this is crazy.

/ɪz/ /ˈkreɪzi/

You can't actually think that New Jersey is better than New York.

/juː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /ɪz/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

New York has Broadway. We win right there.

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /hæz/ /wiː/ /wɪn/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

Oh, no, she did not.

/noʊ/ /ʃiː/ /dɪd/

Knuckle up for safety.

/ʌp/ /fɔːr/

We have Atlantic City.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈsɪt.i/

Can't beat the A.C.

/biːt/

Pretty please? No one has to know.

/ˈprɪti/ /pliːz/ /noʊ/ /hæz/ /noʊ/

New York has Greenwich Village.

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /hæz/

New Jersey has The Shore.

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /hæz/

Woody Allen. Woody Allen.

Oscar-winning chronicler of urban neuroses.

/ˈɜːrbən/

Bump it!

/ɪt/

-Bruce Springsteen. -Sinatra. -Bruce Springsteen. -Sinatra.

He's from Hoboken... New Jersey.

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Yeah, but what city is he singing about?

/bʌt/ /wɒt/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /ɪz/ /hiː/ /əˈbaʊt/

It's not "Secaucus, Secaucus."

Come on...

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Now you kids can either believe this or not,

/naʊ/ /juː/ /kɪdz/ /kæn/ /ˈiː.ðər/ /bɪˈliːv/

but this is how your Aunt Robin swears it happened.

/bʌt/ /ɪz/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/

Look, Stella, I understand that coming from New Jersey

/lʊk/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /ðæt/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

you don't picture yourself loving New York,

/juː/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /ˈlʌvɪŋ/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

but trust me, Marshall didn't expect to,

/bʌt/ /trʌst/ /miː/ /ɪkˈspɛkt/

and now he wouldn't think of living anywhere else.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /hiː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/ /ɛls/

I hate New York!

/heɪt/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

I'm sorry, but it's true.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/ /truː/

Okay, today I was walking around PriceCo.

/təˈdeɪ/ /wɒz/ /əˈraʊnd/

Have you ever been there? It's huge.

/hæv/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ðɛr/ /hjuːdʒ/

All the stores in New York are so cramped.

/ɔːl/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Every time I turn, I knock something over.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /tɜːrn/ /nɒk/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

I'm like some huge monster that came out of the ocean

/laɪk/ /sʌm/ /hjuːdʒ/ /ðæt/ /aʊt/

to destroy bodegas.

But, Marshall, you love New York.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /lʌv/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Yeah, I do, except that I hate it.

/duː/ /ɪkˈsɛpt/ /ðæt/ /heɪt/ /ɪt/

I'm too big for New York, okay?

/bɪɡ/ /fɔːr/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

I'm always trying to fit into cramped little subway seats

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /fɪt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈsʌbweɪ/

or duck under doorways that were built 150 years ago.

/dʌk/ /ˈʌndər/ /ðæt/ /wɜːr/ /bɪlt/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Hey, guess what? People are bigger now.

/ɡɛs/ /wɒt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /naʊ/

Build bigger doorways.What the hell is the matter with you?

/bɪld/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈmætər/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Small city, big man-- give it up.

/smɔːl/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /bɪɡ/ /mæn/ /ɡɪv/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/

And it's so loud, all the time.

/ænd/ /laʊd/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

Yes, it's the city that never sleeps.

/ˈsɪt.i/ /ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

Well, guess what, I like to sleep.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/ /laɪk/ /sliːp/

I've been tired for eight years.

/ˈtaɪ.ərd/ /fɔːr/ /eɪt/

Tired and scared with black and blue marks on my elbows

/ˈtaɪ.ərd/ /ænd/ /skɛrd/ /wɪð/ /blæk/ /ænd/ /bluː/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/

from trying to fit through all these tiny elf doorways.

/fɪt/ /θruː/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/ /ˈtaɪni/

New Jersey's great.

/njuː/ /ɡreɪt/

It's got huge stores,

/hjuːdʒ/

and lawns and you never have to carry a cup again.

/ænd/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/ /kʌp/ /əˈɡɛn/

Not for the rest of your life.

/fɔːr/ /rɛst/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

I'm not afraid to say it--

/əˈfreɪd/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/

I love New Jersey.

/lʌv/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

I'm just kidding.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

Look, Stella...

/lʊk/