Season 6 · Tập 1

NARRATOR: Kids, there are two big days in any love story:

/kɪdz/ /ðɛr/ /tuː/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈɛn.i/ /lʌv/ /ˈstɔːri/

the day you meet the girl of your dreams,

/deɪ/ /juː/ /miːt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /jʊr/ /driːmz/

and the day you marry her.

/ænd/ /deɪ/ /juː/ /ˈmæri/ /hɜːr/

Nice! Where'd you get this?

/naɪs/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/

Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit.

/bɪˈhaɪnd/

Beer be with you.

/bɪər/ /biː/ /wɪð/ /juː/

And also with you.

/ænd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Mmm.

Man, this is what church has been missing.

/mæn/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /tʃɜːrtʃ/ /hæz/

Dude, you fixed church.

/juː/ /tʃɜːrtʃ/

Yeah. You're welcome, God.

/ˈwɛlkəm/

Nervous?

/ˈnɜːrvəs/

What? No. I'm just hoping it doesn't rain.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /ɪt/ /reɪn/

Why? Do I look nervous?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /lʊk/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/

Look at your beer, dude.

/lʊk/ /jʊr/ /bɪər/

You always do that when you're nervous.

/juː/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /wɛn/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/

It's a sad day in New York, Ted.

/sæd/ /deɪ/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

A sad day, indeed.

/sæd/ /deɪ/ /ɪnˈdiːd/

Do you know what I saw on my way in here?

/duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /sɔː/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /weɪ/ /hɪr/

A girl...

/ɡɜːrl/

In a sweater.

And you know what that means.

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ðæt/

The season of exposed skin is over.

/skɪn/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

Exactly.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/

Gone are the tank tops, Ted.

/ɡɔːn/

Gone are the cute little skirts.

/ɡɔːn/ /kjuːt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Gone are the sun dresses.

/ɡɔːn/ /sʌn/

The sun dresses, Ted!

/sʌn/

I don't think

/θɪŋk/

I can make it another eight months with no sun dresses.

/kæn/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /eɪt/ /wɪð/ /noʊ/ /sʌn/

Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hæv/ /ɡreɪd/ /ðiːz/

I'm sorry. I'll let you work.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /wɜːrk/

But first,

/bʌt/ /fɜːrst/

a riddle:

What piece of women's attire

/wɒt/ /piːs/

most stokes a man's desire?

/moʊst/

A sun dress.

/sʌn/ /drɛs/

Correct.

/kəˈrɛkt/

What lightweight outfit,

/wɒt/

pink or white,

makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?

/maɪ/ /taɪt/

I really have to get this done.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /dʌn/

Of course, of course.

/kɔːrs/ /kɔːrs/

Thank you.

/juː/

"Sun dress," by the way.

/sʌn/ /drɛs/ /weɪ/

Hey! Hey!

What are you nervous about? Tell me.

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/ /əˈbaʊt/ /tɛl/ /miː/

Tell me. Tell me.

/tɛl/ /miː/ /tɛl/ /miː/

What flowing cotton frock...

/wɒt/

Okay, I'll tell you. Just...

/tɛl/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/

There's a...

There's a girl

/ɡɜːrl/

sitting at the bar.

/bɑːr/

Oh. Don't look!

/lʊk/

: I want to see a pretty girl.

/wɒnt/ /siː/ /ˈprɪti/ /ɡɜːrl/

Okay, you can look. Just-just-just be cool for once.

/juː/ /kæn/ /lʊk/ /biː/ /kuːl/ /fɔːr/ /wʌns/

I'll be cool.

/biː/ /kuːl/

Ah, Ted. Ah, Ted.

You got your beer label in a bunch over nothing.

/juː/ /jʊr/ /bɪər/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

Listen to your Uncle Barney.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /jʊr/ /ˈʌŋkəl/

You have no reason to be nervous.

/juː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/ /ˈriːzən/ /biː/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/

None whatsoever.

/nʌn/

And I'm going to tell you why in one word.

/ænd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /waɪ/ /wɜːrd/

And what's that word?

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /wɜːrd/

- Dibs! - What...

/wɒt/

Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com Translate by vymuop

/kɒm/ /kɒm/

You can't call dibs on a girl

/juː/ /kɔːl/ /ɒn/ /ɡɜːrl/

I've been sitting here thinking about maybe talking to

/hɪr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈmeɪbi/

eventually at some point.

/sʌm/ /pɔɪnt/

You never called dibs.

/juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

Dibs were implied.

/wɜːr/

- Implied dibs? - Yeah.

Ted, you are spitting on the grave

/juː/ /ɒn/

of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib.

/sɜːr/

It was 1652...

/ɪt/ /wɒz/

BARNEY: The SS Dibs was lost at sea...

/wɒz/ /lɒst/ /siː/

Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson,

/lʊk/ /hæv/ /taɪm/ /fɔːr/ /feɪk/ /ˈhɪstəri/ /ˈlɛs.ən/

so I'll keep this simple.

/kiːp/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/

You go over there and talk to that girl,

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/ /ænd/ /tɔːk/ /ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/

I will see you in court.

/wɪl/ /siː/ /juː/ /kɔːt/

And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!

/ænd/ /juː/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /ˈlɔːjər/

Damn it.

/ɪt/

Where is Marshall anyway?

/wɛr/ /ɪz/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

NARRATOR: Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily

/ˈʌŋkəl/ /ænd/ /ænt/

had recently decided

/hæd/ /ˈriːsəntli/

to take a swing at starting a family.

/teɪk/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

Tonight was their first at-bat.

/təˈnaɪt/ /wɒz/ /ðɛr/ /fɜːrst/

Okay, uh, I'm almost ready to leave.

/ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /ˈrɛd.i/ /liːv/

Let's just go through the checklist. Candles?

/dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /θruː/

Check.

/tʃɛk/

Music to set the mood?

/ˈmjuːzɪk/ /sɛt/

Check.

/tʃɛk/

Music for when we're actually doing it?

/ˈmjuːzɪk/ /fɔːr/ /wɛn/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ɪt/

Check.

/tʃɛk/

You know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

To hell with your dibs.

/wɪð/ /jʊr/

I'm going over there right now and talking to her.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ænd/ /hɜːr/

Oh, yeah, yeah? Be my guest.

/biː/ /maɪ/

Fall in love with her. Get married.

/fɔːl/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/

Just know this:

/dʒʌst/ /noʊ/

When I step up to make my toast

/wɛn/ /stɛp/ /ʌp/ /meɪk/ /maɪ/ /toʊst/

as your best man...

/jʊr/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

Actually, Marshall would probably be...

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /wʊd/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /biː/

As your best man...

/jʊr/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

Ladies and Gentlemen...

/ænd/

I...

had dibs.

/hæd/

No! What?

/noʊ/ /wɒt/

Tell me this isn't true.

/tɛl/ /miː/ /truː/

I had implied dibs.

/hæd/

Oh! Oh!

You know,

/juː/ /noʊ/

you've humiliated me!

/miː/

I had no idea. You have to know that.

/hæd/ /noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /juː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

Shh, shh.

You're the victim here. We both are.

/ˈvɪktɪm/ /hɪr/ /wiː/ /boʊθ/

Let's get out of here.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Or, you know, we could just do it right here.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/

We could just do it right here.

/wiː/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/

Fine.

/faɪn/

Have at it.

/hæv/ /ɪt/

Exercise your dibs.

/ˈɛk.sər.saɪz/ /jʊr/

She's got her shields up anyway. She's reading a book.

/hɜːr/ /ʌp/ /ˈɛniweɪ/ /ˈriː.dɪŋ/ /bʊk/

Yeah.

At a bar.

/bɑːr/

That book might as well be called,

/ðæt/ /bʊk/ /maɪt/ /wɛl/ /biː/

Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny.

/juː/ /ðɛr/ /miː/

That is not

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

what "shields up" looks like.

/wɒt/ /ʌp/ /laɪk/

That is what "shields up" looks like.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʌp/ /laɪk/

Move.

/muːv/

God!

Hey. 'Sup, dudes?

Fries?

Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace.

/ɡʊd/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

No fries for this guy.

/noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ɡaɪ/

Robin, Robin,

seriously, I love you, but it's like

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /lʌv/ /juː/ /bʌt/ /laɪk/

you have squiggly cartoon odor lines

/juː/ /hæv/ /kɑːrˈtuːn/

coming off of you right now.

/ɒf/ /juː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

You know what, Barney?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Just cut her some slack, okay?

/dʒʌst/ /kʌt/ /hɜːr/ /sʌm/

She just went through a breakup.

/ʃiː/ /dʒʌst/ /wɛnt/ /θruː/ /ˈbreɪkʌp/

With hygiene?

/wɪð/

No, with Don.

/noʊ/ /wɪð/

A few months earlier...

/fjuː/ /ˈɜːrliər/

Here, have some tea.

/hɪr/ /hæv/ /sʌm/

Thanks.

Robin, I am here for you.

/hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Whatever you need.

/juː/ /niːd/

Okay, um, about that.

/əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/

Ted, listen.

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I know myself pretty well.

/noʊ/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /ˈprɪti/ /wɛl/

And, um, some time over the next few months,

/ænd/ /sʌm/ /taɪm/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /nɛkst/ /fjuː/

I'm going to want to sleep with you.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɒnt/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /juː/

And when that happens,

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənz/

you have to try to say no.

/juː/ /hæv/ /traɪ/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/

Try?

/traɪ/

I will absolutely say no.

/wɪl/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/

Our friendship is too important.

/aʊər/ /ˈfrɛndʃɪp/ /ɪz/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

: Oh.

Okay, you know, maybe I wasn't clear enough.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /klɪər/ /ɪˈnʌf/

Um... Um...

I will come at you with everything I've got.

/wɪl/ /kʌm/ /juː/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

I will stalk you

/wɪl/ /juː/

like the lioness stalks the gazelle:

/laɪk/

careful, patient, deadly.

/ˈkɛr.fəl/ /ˈpeɪʃənt/

And if you let your guard down

/ænd/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /lɛt/ /jʊr/ /daʊn/

for so much as a second,

/fɔːr/ /mʌtʃ/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

as sure as you were born,

/ʃʊr/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /bɔːrn/

I will hump your brains out.

/wɪl/ /jʊr/ /aʊt/

Okay, I'm ready to have sex now.

/ˈrɛd.i/ /hæv/ /sɛks/ /naʊ/

It was a tough summer,

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈsʌmər/

but I think our girl's been a real trooper.

/bʌt/ /θɪŋk/ /aʊər/ /riːl/

She's...

Is this a Cheeto?

/ɪz/

No, we ran out of Cheetos last week.

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /ræn/ /aʊt/ /læst/ /wiːk/

Oh, yeah, it's a Cheeto. Dibs.

Oh, you're exquisite.

You must let me paint you.

/juː/ /mʌst/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /peɪnt/ /juː/

Hey Robin, what do you think?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

The girl sitting at the bar.

/ɡɜːrl/ /bɑːr/

Shields up?

/ʌp/

Mmm, totes, toots. She's here on a date.

/hɪr/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/

She brought the book because she got here early,

/ʃiː/ /bʊk/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ʃiː/ /hɪr/ /ˈɜːr.li/

and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting.

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ɡaɪ/ /ˈmiːtɪŋ/

Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know?

/ɡɜːrlz/ /laɪk/ /kʌm/ /əˈkrɒs/ /ɔːl/ /ænd/ /smɑːrt/ /juː/ /noʊ/

This? What you're doing right now?

/wɒt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I'm getting a "de-rection."

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

Hey! How'd it go? You pregnant yet?

/ɪt/ /ɡoʊ/ /juː/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/ /jɛt/

Nope!

Okay, so, here's what happened.

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

I was at home, waiting for Marshall.

/wɒz/ /hoʊm/ /fɔːr/

Hey! How was your day?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /deɪ/

Don't answer. No time.

/ˈæn.sər/ /noʊ/ /taɪm/

Um, bedroom. No, no. No time.

/ˈbɛdruːm/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /taɪm/

Floor. No, no time.

/flɔːr/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /taɪm/

Against this wall!

/əˈɡɛnst/ /wɔːl/

Marshall, whoa! Wait.

/weɪt/

A big package just arrived.

/bɪɡ/ /ˈpækɪdʒ/ /dʒʌst/ /əˈraɪvd/

Yeah, it did.

/ɪt/ /dɪd/

No, no.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

It's a real package from your dad.

/riːl/ /ˈpækɪdʒ/ /jʊr/ /dæd/

Well, that's a little weird, but yeah, it is.

/wɛl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /bʌt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

Marshall, look!

/lʊk/

A bassinet? Oh, my...

/maɪ/

He must've made it in his wood shop.

/hiː/ /ɪt/ /hɪz/ /ʃɒp/

Wasn't that sweet of him?

/ðæt/ /swiːt/ /hɪm/

Lil? Lil?

Isn't that sweet?

/ðæt/ /swiːt/

Lily? Lily?

You told your dad we're trying to have a baby?

/juː/ /toʊld/ /jʊr/ /dæd/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Of course I did. I tell my dad everything.

/kɔːrs/ /dɪd/ /tɛl/ /maɪ/ /dæd/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

My dad is my best friend.

/maɪ/ /dæd/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

TED AND BARNEY: Oh!

/ænd/

Lily, we have been looking forward

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/

to this magical, special night for two weeks now.

/ˈspɛʃəl/ /naɪt/ /fɔːr/ /tuː/ /naʊ/

And, sweetie, during that time, I have been, um...

/ænd/ /ˈswiːti/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/ /hæv/

how do I put this delicately?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /pʊt/

Saving all my love for you.

/ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /lʌv/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

I have read 11 books on conception.

/hæv/ /riːd/ /ɒn/

I have cut out

/hæv/ /kʌt/ /aʊt/

alcohol, caffeine and sugar.

/ænd/ /ˈʃʊɡər/

I take my temperature every hour.

/teɪk/ /maɪ/ /ˈtempərətʃər/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈaʊ.ər/

But good for you for not playing with yourself.

/bʌt/ /ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

I feel you, buddy.

/fiːl/ /juː/ /ˈbʌdi/

Ah, no. Ah. Don't even touch me, dude.

/noʊ/ /ˈiːvən/ /tʌtʃ/ /miː/

It's been, like... It's been two weeks.

/laɪk/ /tuː/

I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem.

/laɪk/ /laɪt/ /əˈweɪ/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈprɒbləm/

Seriously.

/ˈsɪəriəsli/

Okay, I'm better now.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /naʊ/

Okay, Barney.

What's this going to cost me?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kɒst/ /miː/

Excuse me?

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

Your dibs. I want to buy your dibs.

/jʊr/ /wɒnt/ /baɪ/ /jʊr/

Two... hundred...

/tuː/ /ˈhʌndrəd/

and fifty thousand dollars.

/ænd/

20 bucks.

But I...

/bʌt/

Can I go smell her first?

/kæn/ /ɡoʊ/ /smɛl/ /hɜːr/ /fɜːrst/

No. Fine.

/noʊ/ /faɪn/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Wish me luck.

/wɪʃ/ /miː/ /lʌk/

Now kids, remember how I told you

/naʊ/ /kɪdz/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /haʊ/ /toʊld/ /juː/

about a girl named Cindy?

/əˈbaʊt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /neɪmd/

How I went on one date with her and it ended...

/haʊ/ /wɛnt/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /ænd/ /ɪt/

Get out.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/

badly? Well...

/wɛl/

How are you? Good.

/haʊ/ /juː/ /ɡʊd/

What the hell are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

That girl she's talking to?

/ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/

I dated her.

/ˈdeɪtɪd/ /hɜːr/

Oh, that sucks!

/ðæt/

And dibs.

/ænd/

So you went on one date with one of her friends.

/juː/ /wɛnt/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /frɛndz/

It's not necessarily a big deal.

/bɪɡ/ /diːl/

I mean, did it end on bad terms?

/miːn/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /ɛnd/ /ɒn/ /bæd/

Um... Um...

Oh, hi Cindy.

Yikes.

Well, I guess you just got to move on.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /muːv/ /ɒn/

I mean, it's not like you have a shot

/miːn/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ʃɒt/

with Ready McGee over there, right?

/wɪð/ /ˈrɛd.i/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/ /raɪt/

Ted? Ted?

Then I remembered.

/ðɛn/

Cindy had a roommate.

/hæd/ /ˈruːmmeɪt/

A roommate I only caught a glimpse of...

/ˈruːmmeɪt/ /ˈoʊnli/

But a roommate who,

/bʌt/ /ˈruːmmeɪt/ /huː/

by every indication, was something very special.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /wɒz/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈspɛʃəl/

Was it possible?

/wɒz/ /ɪt/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?

/kʊd/ /biː/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ðæt/

I got to see her ankles.

/siː/ /hɜːr/

You're one of those?

/ðoʊz/

God, I swear, one in five guys...

/swɛər/ /faɪv/ /ɡaɪz/

MARSHALL: Lily! Lily!

We kind of had a plan tonight, remember?

/wiː/ /kaɪnd/ /hæd/ /plæn/ /təˈnaɪt/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

Candles? Banjo?

Who else did you tell? Did you tell anyone at the office?

/huː/ /ɛls/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /ˈɒfɪs/

Um... Um...

Shannon? Shannon?

Start the music.

/stɑːrt/ /ˈmjuːzɪk/

Can you dig it?!

/kæn/ /juː/ /ɪt/

Take it to the hole, Eriksen!

/teɪk/ /ɪt/

Sink that putt, big fuzz!

/ðæt/ /bɪɡ/

Put a pillow under her lower back.

/pʊt/ /ˈpɪloʊ/ /ˈʌndər/ /hɜːr/ /bæk/

It helps facilitate conception, bro!

/ɪt/ /broʊ/

I may have mentioned it in passing

/meɪ/ /hæv/ /ɪt/

to a couple of colleagues at work.

/ˈkʌpəl/ /wɜːrk/

I'm sorry about that, but you know what?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

I got to be able to tell my dad.

/biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /tɛl/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

Your dad is the last person you should tell!

/jʊr/ /dæd/ /ɪz/ /læst/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /tɛl/

The man is too involved in our lives!

/mæn/ /ɪz/ /aʊər/

It's like, every time the phone rings...

/laɪk/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /foʊn/

Hello.

Lily, Marvin Eriksen.

I noticed you hadn't changed your last name yet.

/juː/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /jʊr/ /læst/ /neɪm/ /jɛt/

No, I'm gonna...

/noʊ/

So, don't worry. I called the DMV,

/ˈwʌri/

I called your Amex, I got that process started for you.

/jʊr/ /ðæt/ /ˈprɒsɛs/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Hello.

Lily, Marvin Eriksen.

I understand

/ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

you and Marshall have been fighting.

/juː/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/

Well, let me tell you what works for me and the missus.

/wɛl/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /wɜːrks/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /ænd/

Frilly French undies and a box of wine.

/ænd/ /bɒks/ /waɪn/

Hello.

You might want to try pickles on that sandwich.

/juː/ /maɪt/ /wɒnt/ /traɪ/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /ˈsænwɪtʃ/

Pickles would have helped that sandwich!

/wʊd/ /hæv/ /hɛlpt/ /ðæt/ /ˈsænwɪtʃ/

The man has no boundaries.

/mæn/ /hæz/ /noʊ/

And I just can't procreate under these conditions!

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈʌndər/ /ðiːz/

Yeah, well, you know what?

/wɛl/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

I've already told him, so the damage is done.

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /toʊld/ /hɪm/ /ɪz/ /dʌn/

So, call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby.

/kɔːl/ /hɪm/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Okay, so you just...

/juː/ /dʒʌst/

You want me to give my dad a stroke?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /miː/ /ɡɪv/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

Only if you want to give this a stroke.

/ˈoʊnli/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɡɪv/

That's ridiculous.

Lily, there is no way that I would ever...

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Okay, everyone needs

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

to shut up so that I can think!

/ʃʌt/ /ʌp/ /ðæt/ /kæn/ /θɪŋk/

Uh-oh. They're talking to a guy now.

/ɡaɪ/ /naʊ/

What kind of guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy?

/wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡaɪ/ /kuːl/ /ɡaɪ/

Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry.

/ɡaɪ/ /ˈwʌri/

Oh, man!

/mæn/

That guy is cool.

/ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɪz/ /kuːl/

His hair's all cool, he's got a cool belt.

/hɪz/ /ɔːl/ /kuːl/ /kuːl/

Well, that guy is cheesy,

/wɛl/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɪz/

and if you think he's not cheesy,

/ænd/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

then you're cheesy, too, and now I want something cheesy.

/ðɛn/ /ænd/ /naʊ/ /wɒnt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Who's feeling nachos?

/ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ˈnɑːtʃoʊz/

Oh, look at you, Robin.

/lʊk/ /juː/

You're jealous.

/ˈdʒɛləs/

Jealous? Ghen?

/ˈdʒɛləs/

Yeah, jealous,

/ˈdʒɛləs/

because she's got it, and you've lost it.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /lɒst/ /ɪt/

I have not lost it.

/hæv/ /lɒst/ /ɪt/

You lost it.

/juː/ /lɒst/ /ɪt/

I still have it.

/hæv/ /ɪt/

I know exactly where it is,

/noʊ/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɛr/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

and I can go get it whenever I want.

/ænd/ /kæn/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /wɒnt/

Robin, girls are like cartons of milk.

/ɡɜːrlz/ /laɪk/ /mɪlk/

Each one has a hotness expiration date,

/iːtʃ/ /hæz/ /deɪt/

and you've hit yours.

/ænd/ /jɔːrz/

I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge,

/ɡaɪ/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /frɪdʒ/

pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway.

/pɪk/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /ɡɪv/ /ænd/ /teɪk/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

But it's all downhill from here.

/bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /hɪr/

I don't have to take this.

/hæv/ /teɪk/

But I do have to take this.

/bʌt/ /duː/ /hæv/ /teɪk/

Okay, so you just want me

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /miː/

to call my dad and tell him

/kɔːl/ /maɪ/ /dæd/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/

that we're not having a baby?

/ðæt/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪbi/

That's about the size of it.

/əˈbaʊt/ /saɪz/ /ɪt/

Okay, out of curiosity,

/aʊt/

when do we tell him about the baby?

/wɛn/ /duː/ /wiː/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

We'll tell him about the baby

/tɛl/ /hɪm/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

when there's a baby to tell him about.

/wɛn/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /əˈbaʊt/

So, he just gets no notice?

/hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɛts/ /noʊ/ /ˈnoʊtɪs/

He just walks into his boss's office,

/hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hɪz/ /ˈɒfɪs/

and says, "I just had a grandson.

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /ˈɡrænsʌn/

I'm gonna be out for three months."

/biː/ /aʊt/ /fɔːr/ /θriː/

Out for three months?

/aʊt/ /fɔːr/ /θriː/

Yeah.

He and my mom are coming

/hiː/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

to live with us when the baby's born.

/lɪv/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /wɛn/ /bɔːrn/

We talked about this.

/wiː/ /əˈbaʊt/

No, we didn't.

/noʊ/ /wiː/

I meant, me and my dad.

/miː/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

You know what, Marshall?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Why don't you have a baby with your dad?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /dæd/

Oh, okay, Lily.

Why don't you have a baby with your butt?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /bʌt/

What?

/wɒt/

I can't think straight!

/θɪŋk/ /streɪt/

Why do you have to wear that shirt?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /wɛr/ /ðæt/ /ʃɜːrt/

This is not how I thought this night was going to go!

/ɪz/ /haʊ/ /θɔːt/ /naɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/

Ted? Ted?

Oh, God, this sucks! Do you think she saw me?

/duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /sɔː/ /miː/

Hi, Ted!

Yeah, she definitely saw you.

/ʃiː/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /sɔː/ /juː/

Can I see you for a minute... in private?

/kæn/ /siː/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

/ʃʊr/

I mean, how could that not be fun?

/miːn/ /haʊ/ /kʊd/ /ðæt/ /biː/ /fʌn/

If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her.

/ɪf/ /kʌm/ /bæk/ /tɛl/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/ /lʌv/ /hɜːr/

Okay, will do. And dibs.

/wɪl/ /duː/ /ænd/

Barney, am I crazy?

/ˈkreɪzi/

Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right?

/hɪz/ /dæd/ /weɪ/ /mʌtʃ/ /raɪt/

Oh, you don't want my opinion on that.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /maɪ/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

Why not?

/waɪ/

If I had my dad's number,

/ɪf/ /hæd/ /maɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

I would never not be on the phone with him.

/wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ɒn/ /foʊn/ /wɪð/ /hɪm/

Wow, that was really...

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Whoa, a hottie with a body!

/wɪð/ /ˈbɒdi/

Boing...!

Brief.

No. Lily, look.

/noʊ/ /lʊk/

You saucy little minx.

/juː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

You sundressed up.

/juː/ /ʌp/

Hi.

14 seconds!

14 seconds, and already

/ænd/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

some dingdong is stepping up,

/sʌm/ /ɪz/ /ʌp/

thinking he can get some of this broke off.

/hiː/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /sʌm/ /ɒf/

Oh!

I... still... got... it.

/ɪt/

All right, buddy, you proved my point. Now scram.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ˈbʌdi/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /pɔɪnt/ /naʊ/

Nice belt, by the way.

/naɪs/ /weɪ/

Hey.

Wow.

Robin, you do look super hot.

/juː/ /duː/ /lʊk/ /ˈsuːpər/ /hɒt/

Oh, do I?

/duː/

Yeah, you do.

/juː/ /duː/

Thanks.

NARRATOR: I braced myself for what was next:

/maɪˈsɛlf/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/ /wɒz/ /nɛkst/

rage, fury, a possible shanking.

/ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

Thank you, Ted.

/juː/

After things didn't work out with us,

/ˈæf.tər/ /θɪŋz/ /wɜːrk/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/

I got really sad for a while.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /sæd/ /fɔːr/ /waɪl/

But then I realized,

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/

you're not what I wanted, Ted, and I'm not what you wanted.

/wɒt/ /ænd/ /wɒt/ /juː/

I'm sorry I was such a jerk.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /wɒz/ /sʌtʃ/ /dʒɜːrk/

I feel like I should make it up to you somehow.

/fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ʃʊd/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /juː/

You know, buy you a beer or Yankees tickets, or...

/juː/ /noʊ/ /baɪ/ /juː/ /bɪər/ /ˈtɪkɪts/

Or set me up with one of your friends.

/sɛt/ /miː/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/

No, I'm kidding. That would be weird.

/noʊ/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

- No, it wouldn't. - It wouldn't, would it?

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /ɪt/

Any one of those three.

/ˈɛn.i/ /ðoʊz/ /θriː/

Whichever's easiest and right nearby.

/ænd/ /raɪt/ /ˌnɪərˈbaɪ/

And not the beer.

/ænd/ /bɪər/

I should get back.

/ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/

Totally.

/ˈtoʊtəli/

Come say good-bye before you leave.

/kʌm/ /seɪ/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /liːv/

Say good-bye before you leave?

/seɪ/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /liːv/

Her words exactly.

/hɜːr/ /wɜːrdz/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/

Dude, you are so in.

/juː/

That is so awesome.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

A high five doesn't even cut it.

/haɪ/ /faɪv/ /ˈiːvən/ /kʌt/ /ɪt/

High six!

/haɪ/ /sɪks/

She didn't see us high-six, did she?

/ʃiː/ /siː/ /ʌs/ /dɪd/ /ʃiː/

No. Good. That was pretty lame.

/noʊ/ /ɡʊd/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ˈprɪti/

Yeah, let's never do that again.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /əˈɡɛn/

LILY: Marshall? Marshall?

What? Lily, what?

/wɒt/ /wɒt/

Are there more members

/ðɛr/ /mɔːr/

of my family that you want to crap all over?

/maɪ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

- Here's the thing. - I'm sorry. Hold on.

/θɪŋ/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /hoʊld/ /ɒn/

Just...

/dʒʌst/

It's my dad.

/maɪ/ /dæd/

Lily, it's my dad, okay?

/maɪ/ /dæd/

I love him, and if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone!

/lʌv/ /hɪm/ /ænd/ /ɪf/ /hiː/ /kɔːlz/ /miː/ /ˈæn.sər/ /foʊn/

Hey, Dad.

/dæd/

Hey, hey. I know it's late, but I just had to call.

/noʊ/ /leɪt/ /bʌt/ /dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /kɔːl/

How'd it go? Dad, this is...

/ɪt/ /ɡoʊ/ /dæd/ /ɪz/

Did you do everything the books say?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /duː/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /seɪ/

Did you put the pillow under her back?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /pʊt/ /ˈpɪloʊ/ /ˈʌndər/ /hɜːr/ /bæk/

Dad, I'm in the middle of something right now.

/dæd/ /ˈmɪdəl/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Did it feel like a boy? Huh?

/dɪd/ /ɪt/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /bɔɪ/

You can tell.

/juː/ /kæn/ /tɛl/

He's insane.

/ɪnˈseɪn/

My dad is insane.

/maɪ/ /dæd/ /ɪz/ /ɪnˈseɪn/

I'm so sorry, Lily.

/ˈsɒr.i/

He's just...

/dʒʌst/

He's so, um...

enthusiastic.

It's ridiculous, you know?

/juː/ /noʊ/

Like, who's like that?

/laɪk/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

You. Anh

/juː/

You're like that.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/

You and your dad both care so much.

/juː/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /dæd/ /boʊθ/ /kɛr/ /mʌtʃ/

It's... it's why women fall in love

/waɪ/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /fɔːl/ /lʌv/

with the Eriksen men to begin with.

/wɪð/ /mɛn/ /bɪˈɡɪn/ /wɪð/

But right now, it's a lot of pressure.

/bʌt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /lɒt/

Baby, I'm not trying to pressure you one bit.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /juː/

What if I can't have a baby?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

That could happen.

/ðæt/ /kʊd/ /ˈhæpən/

I could totally let you down.

/kʊd/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /daʊn/

Has that thought not occurred to you?

/hæz/ /ðæt/ /θɔːt/ /juː/

Not even for one second.

/ˈiːvən/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

Not having a baby would suck,

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /wʊd/

but the idea of you letting me down...

/bʌt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /juː/ /miː/ /daʊn/

that's impossible.

/ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/

That would be like aliens landing.

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /laɪk/

That's a bad example, because that could happen.

/bæd/ /ɪɡˈzɑːm.pəl/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ðæt/ /kʊd/ /ˈhæpən/

It probably already has.

/ɪt/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæz/

I saw this, uh, episode...

/sɔː/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

I'm doing this.

I am going over there.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/

Wish me luck.

/wɪʃ/ /miː/ /lʌk/

NARRATOR: Kids, nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet,

/kɪdz/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /laɪf/ /kwaɪt/ /swiːt/

terrifying exhilaration of making your move.

/jʊr/ /muːv/

When you just put it all on the line and go for it.

/wɛn/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /ɒn/ /laɪn/ /ænd/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

And that night, by golly,

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/

Cindy went for it.

/wɛnt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

So no, kids, that girl wasn't your mother.

/noʊ/ /kɪdz/ /ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

She ended up being someone else's mother.

/ʃiː/ /ʌp/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

In fact, they both did.

/fækt/ /ðeɪ/ /boʊθ/ /dɪd/

Like I said,

/laɪk/ /sɛd/

she's here on a date.

/hɪr/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/

NARRATOR: So that was not the day I met your mother.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /deɪ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

The day I met your mother was the day of a wedding.

/deɪ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /wɒz/ /deɪ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/

Dude, it's just a wedding toast.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /toʊst/

I know. I just... I want it to be great, you know?