Season 6 · Tập 2

So, this chick and I are going at it

/tʃɪk/ /ænd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɪt/

behind the Central Park Zoo.

/bɪˈhaɪnd/ /pɑːrk/

The Bonobo chimps start giving us a standing O,

/stɑːrt/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /ʌs/

and just when I'm about to give her the same thing...

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /wɛn/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɡɪv/ /hɜːr/ /seɪm/ /θɪŋ/

What up?... I...

/wɒt/ /ʌp/

I can't.

I just... I can't.

/dʒʌst/

Guys, I know you count the minutes until you can escape

/ɡaɪz/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /kaʊnt/ /ənˈtɪl/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɪˈskeɪp/

from your humdrum lives by hearing how awesome mine is,

/jʊr/ /haʊ/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /maɪn/ /ɪz/

and I love doing that for you, but I just can't tonight.

/ænd/ /lʌv/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /bʌt/ /dʒʌst/ /təˈnaɪt/

- What's wrong? - I don't want to talk about it.

/rɒŋ/ /wɒnt/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Okay. Hey, you guys see Deadliest Catch last night?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /siː/ /læst/ /naɪt/

Did I ever!

/dɪd/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Deadliest Catch ever!

/ˈɛv.ər/

All right, I'll tell you!

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /tɛl/ /juː/

My mother is selling the house I grew up in.

/maɪ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ɪz/ /haʊs/ /ʌp/

All of my childhood memories gone, just like that!

/ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/ /ɡɔːn/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

TED: That sucks.

/ðæt/

I've been there, buddy.

/ðɛr/ /ˈbʌdi/

What are you talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Your mother still lives in the house you grew up in.

/jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /haʊs/ /juː/ /ʌp/

With her new hippie husband, Clint.

/wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /njuː/ /ˈhʌzbənd/

The comfort of home is a little ruined

/hoʊm/ /ɪz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

when someone turns your old room

/wɛn/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /jʊr/ /oʊld/ /ruːm/

into what I'm pretty sure is a Tantric sex temple.

/wɒt/ /ˈprɪti/ /ʃʊr/ /ɪz/ /sɛks/

With all the bamboo, pot smoke and '60s music,

/wɪð/ /ɔːl/ /ˌbæmˈbuː/ /pɒt/ /smoʊk/ /ænd/ /ˈmjuːzɪk/

it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in

/laɪk/ /maɪ/ /oʊld/ /ˈfroʊzən/

some weird Vietnam flashback.

/sʌm/ /ˌviː.ɛtˈnɑːm/

Anyway, I need you guys to come out

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /niːd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /kʌm/ /aʊt/

to Staten Island on Saturday and help box everything up.

/ˈaɪlənd/ /ɒn/ /ˈsætərdeɪ/ /ænd/ /hɛlp/ /bɒks/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ʌp/

You expect us to spend a whole day

/juː/ /ɪkˈspɛkt/ /ʌs/ /spɛnd/ /hoʊl/ /deɪ/

packing up your mom's house?

/ˈpækɪŋ/ /ʌp/ /jʊr/ /haʊs/

Of course not.

/kɔːrs/

It's a two-day job.

/dʒɒb/

Pass.

/pæs/

Same.

/seɪm/

Unsubscribe.

You guys are adorable.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈdɔːrəbəl/

You seriously believe that I, Barney Stinson,

/juː/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /bɪˈliːv/ /ðæt/

can't talk you into this?

/tɔːk/ /juː/

I got the Queen to give me a fist bump.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/

No one believes that story.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /ˈstɔːri/

You may be able to talk the brain surgeons

/juː/ /meɪ/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /tɔːk/ /breɪn/

you pick up into doing whatever you want,

/juː/ /pɪk/ /ʌp/ /juː/ /wɒnt/

but it's not gonna work on us.

/bʌt/ /wɜːrk/ /ɒn/ /ʌs/

How did he do that?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /hiː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com Sync by fant0m translate by vymuop www.addic7ed.com

/kɒm/ /kɒm/

NARRATOR: So there we were helping Barney pack up his childhood home.

/ðɛr/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈhɛlpɪŋ/ /ʌp/ /hɪz/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/ /hoʊm/

Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is

/ðæt/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈpækɪŋ/ /ɪz/

way too big to fit in that box.

/weɪ/ /bɪɡ/ /fɪt/ /ðæt/ /bɒks/

Yeah, that's what your mom said.

/wɒt/ /jʊr/ /mɒm/ /sɛd/

How dare you!

/haʊ/ /juː/

No, she actually said that.

/noʊ/ /ʃiː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/

Oh, dear, I thought I told you,

/dɪər/ /θɔːt/ /toʊld/ /juː/

that's just not going to fit in there.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /fɪt/ /ðɛr/

Someone order something tall, dark and awesome?

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈɔːrdər/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /tɔːl/ /dɑːrk/ /ænd/ /ˈɔːsəm/

- James! - Bro! - James! - Anh!

/broʊ/

- How you doing? - Hey!

/haʊ/ /juː/

- Oh, my goodness! - Mama.

/maɪ/ /ˈmɑːmə/

Look at my two sons.

/lʊk/ /maɪ/ /tuː/

So big and strong and handsome.

/bɪɡ/ /ænd/ /strɒŋ/ /ænd/

Mom.

/mɒm/

Stop.

/stɒp/

And how is my delicious little grandson?

/ænd/ /haʊ/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /dɪˈlɪʃəs/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɡrænsʌn/

Oh, did he get the clothes I sent him?

/dɪd/ /hiː/ /ɡɛt/ /kloʊðz/ /sɛnt/ /hɪm/

Check it. Huh?

/tʃɛk/ /ɪt/

How cute is that, right?

/haʊ/ /kjuːt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/

When was the last time you saw a diaper poking out

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /juː/ /sɔː/ /aʊt/

of a Dolce and Gabana suit?

/ænd/ /suːt/

Tuesday at work.

/wɜːrk/

Some of the senior partners are really getting up there.

/sʌm/ /ˈsiːniər/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/

So, Ted,

yesterday at work, I totally talked you up

/ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /juː/ /ʌp/

to that super-hot makeup girl, Liz.

/ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/

Oh yeah? Mm-hmm. What did you say?

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /seɪ/

Oh, you know, how funny you are...

/juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /juː/

Guilty. Handsome.

/ˈɡɪlti/

Who, me?

/huː/ /miː/

Incredible lover.

Really? Oh, yeah.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Oh, yeah. I was all like,

/wɒz/ /ɔːl/ /laɪk/

"He knows a woman's body better than she knows her own,

/hiː/ /ˈbɒdi/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ʃiː/ /hɜːr/ /oʊn/

"endless waves of pleasure just cresting and breaking

/dʒʌst/ /ænd/

for hours and hours..." Blah, blah, blah.

/fɔːr/ /ˈaʊərz/ /ænd/ /ˈaʊərz/

"Orgasms so intense that you just black out."

/ðæt/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /blæk/ /aʊt/

All that stuff.

/ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /stʌf/

Robin, how can I possibly live up to that review?

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /lɪv/ /ʌp/ /ðæt/ /rɪˈvjuː/

What? You know what you're doing down there.

/wɒt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /daʊn/ /ðɛr/

Oh, Teddy Westside can bring it. We know this.

/ˈtɛdi/ /kæn/ /brɪŋ/ /ɪt/ /wiː/ /noʊ/

But that is not the point.

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /pɔɪnt/

I mean, you broke the first rule

/miːn/ /juː/ /fɜːrst/ /ruːl/

of setting people up: undersell.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /ʌp/

It's like, if someone's never seen The Karate Kid,

/laɪk/ /ɪf/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /kəˈrɑːti/ /kɪd/

you don't say, "It's the greatest movie ever."

/juː/ /seɪ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ˈɛv.ər/

You say, "Uh, it's pretty good""

/juː/ /seɪ/ /ˈprɪti/ /ɡʊd/

And then they see it, it blows their freakin' mind.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /siː/ /ɪt/ /ɪt/ /ðɛr/ /maɪnd/

Because Cobra Kai sensei's all like, "Sweep the leg!"

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɔːl/ /laɪk/ /swiːp/ /lɛɡ/

And Daniel-san's all like...

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /laɪk/

Maybe I did oversell you a bit.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /dɪd/ /juː/

Thank you guys so much for helping us out with this stuff.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /mʌtʃ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈhɛlpɪŋ/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /stʌf/

Oh, it gives us

/ɪt/ /ɡɪvz/ /ʌs/

a rare insight into the makings of Barney Stinson.

/rɛr/

Like, look at this.

/laɪk/ /lʊk/

Who was a cute little basketball player

/huː/ /wɒz/ /kjuːt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/ /ˈpleɪər/

before he became the biggest pervert in the world?

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /hiː/ /wɜːrld/

I loved Pee Wee basketball.

/lʌvd/ /piː/ /ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/

Well, until they kicked me off the team...

/wɛl/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ðeɪ/ /miː/ /ɒf/ /tiːm/

I was so awesome,

/wɒz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

the coach asked me to quit

/miː/ /kwɪt/

because it wasn't fair to the other kids.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪt/ /fɛr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /kɪdz/

That sounds plausible.

/ðæt/

Hey. It's true.

/truː/

Tell him, James.

/tɛl/ /hɪm/

Oh, yeah, he had, like, a four-foot vertical leap.

/hiː/ /hæd/ /laɪk/

He would hit it from the outside,

/hiː/ /wʊd/ /ɪt/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

hit it from the inside...

/ɪt/

He sucked.

/hiː/

Coach cut him from the team,

/kʌt/ /hɪm/ /tiːm/

and Mom fed him that story so he'd feel better.

/ænd/ /mɒm/ /hɪm/ /ðæt/ /ˈstɔːri/ /fiːl/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Oh, my God! Look at this.

/maɪ/ /lʊk/

My letter from the Postmaster General.

/maɪ/ /ˈlɛt.ər/ /ˈdʒɛnərəl/

I still can't believe he took the time

/bɪˈliːv/ /hiː/ /tʊk/ /taɪm/

to write this...

/raɪt/

"Dear Barney..."

/dɪər/

I sincerely apologize about losing all the invitations

/əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɔːl/

you sent out to your eighth birthday party.

/juː/ /sɛnt/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɜːrθdeɪ/ /ˈpɑːrti/

That's why none of your classmates showed up.

/waɪ/ /nʌn/ /jʊr/ /ʌp/

Not because you threw up

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /ʌp/

when they turned the lights off at the Planetarium.

/wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /laɪts/ /ɒf/

No one even noticed that.

/noʊ/ /ˈiːvən/ /ðæt/

Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore,

/ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ɪz/

and with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning,

/ænd/ /wɪð/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /brɛθ/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

she's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool.

/sʌm/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/

Love, Postmaster General.

/lʌv/ /ˈdʒɛnərəl/

Thank you.

/juː/

Does your mom make stuff like that up a lot?

/dʌz/ /jʊr/ /mɒm/ /meɪk/ /stʌf/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ʌp/ /lɒt/

Constantly. I mean, she put more effort

/miːn/ /ʃiː/ /pʊt/ /mɔːr/

into some lies than others.

/sʌm/ /ðæn/ /ˈʌðərz/

Mom? Who's my dad?

/mɒm/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

All the other kids at school know who their dad is.

/ɔːl/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /kɪdz/ /skuːl/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /ðɛr/ /dæd/ /ɪz/

Who's mine?

/maɪn/

Oh, I don't know...

/noʊ/

That guy.

/ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

Did she tell you that Bob Barker was your dad, too?

/dɪd/ /ʃiː/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /dæd/

No. No, no. I heard Flip Wilson,

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /hɜːrd/

Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones,

Meadowlark Lemon... Meadowlark Lemon...

The list goes on.

/lɪst/ /ɡoʊz/ /ɒn/

I still can't get a straight answer about who my real dad is.

/ɡɛt/ /streɪt/ /ˈæn.sər/ /əˈbaʊt/ /huː/ /maɪ/ /riːl/ /dæd/ /ɪz/

And Barney's no help.

/ænd/ /noʊ/ /hɛlp/

He still believes every lie that my mom told us growing up.

/hiː/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /laɪ/ /ðæt/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/ /toʊld/ /ʌs/ /ˈɡroʊɪŋ/ /ʌp/

Not me. I caught on early.

/miː/ /ɒn/ /ˈɜːr.li/

Careful!

/ˈkɛr.fəl/

Michael Jackson sent me this glove for my tenth...

/sɛnt/ /miː/ /fɔːr/ /maɪ/

Damn.

Loretta really lied a lot to her kids.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /laɪd/ /lɒt/ /hɜːr/ /kɪdz/

Well, she's not alone.

/wɛl/ /əˈloʊn/

Whenever Marshall was acting too hyper,

/wɒz/ /ˈæktɪŋ/

his mom would suddenly decide he was "sick"

/hɪz/ /mɒm/ /wʊd/ /ˈsʌd.ən.li/ /dɪˈsaɪd/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /sɪk/

and give him cough medicine until he passed out.

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /hɪm/ /ˈmɛdsɪn/ /ənˈtɪl/ /hiː/ /aʊt/

I'm pretty sure

/ˈprɪti/ /ʃʊr/

that's what stunted my growth.

/wɒt/ /maɪ/

I hit 6'4" in the fifth grade, and then I just stopped.

/ɡreɪd/ /ænd/ /ðɛn/ /dʒʌst/

And then there's the most popular

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /moʊst/ /ˈpɒpjʊlər/

parental lie in history.

/laɪ/ /ˈhɪstəri/

Santa. Santa.

Yeah, but that's a good lie.

/bʌt/ /ɡʊd/ /laɪ/

Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down.

/laɪk/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /tɛl/ /miːt/ /raɪt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ænd/ /ˈsɛtl/ /daʊn/

I always find that reassuring.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /faɪnd/ /ðæt/

You will meet her, buddy.

/juː/ /wɪl/ /miːt/ /hɜːr/ /ˈbʌdi/

You think so? Yeah!

/juː/ /θɪŋk/

Santa's still a lie, and I'm not lying to our kids.

/laɪ/ /ænd/ /ˈlaɪɪŋ/ /aʊər/ /kɪdz/

Baby, it's Santa.

/ˈbeɪbi/

Don't you want our kids going to sleep

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /aʊər/ /kɪdz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /sliːp/

on Christmas Eve with their hearts full of hope,

/ɒn/ /ˈkrɪsməs/ /wɪð/ /ðɛr/ /fʊl/ /hoʊp/

their heads full of crazy cough syrup nightmares,

/ðɛr/ /hɛdz/ /fʊl/ /ˈkreɪzi/

knowing that downstairs

/ðæt/ /ˌdaʊnˈstɛrz/

Kris Kringle is stuffing their stockings full of joy

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /fʊl/

and stuffing his belly full of milk

/ænd/ /hɪz/ /fʊl/ /mɪlk/

and lutefisk that they left him?

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ðeɪ/ /lɛft/ /hɪm/

Milk and lutefisk?

/mɪlk/ /ænd/

Santa doesn't get cookies in Minnesota?

/ɡɛt/ /ˈkʊkiz/

Yeah, that's just what Santa needs at 3:00 a.m.

/dʒʌst/ /wɒt/

when he's battling a snowstorm over the Rockies:

/wɛn/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

a sugar crash. No. Santa needs protein.

/ˈʃʊɡər/ /noʊ/

I'm not lying to our kids.

/ˈlaɪɪŋ/ /aʊər/ /kɪdz/

BARNEY: Ah...

Valentines. Valentine.

The second base of third grade.

/ˈsɛk.ənd/ /ɡreɪd/

I always got a Valentine from every single girl in my class.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ɡɜːrl/ /maɪ/ /klæs/

Funny how all these girls have the exact same handwriting

/ˈfʌn.i/ /haʊ/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /hæv/ /seɪm/

as the Postmaster General, Mom, and...

/ˈdʒɛnərəl/ /mɒm/ /ænd/

home run king, Frank Aaron.

/hoʊm/ /rʌn/ /kɪŋ/

Yeah, school girls...

/skuːl/ /ɡɜːrlz/

The more they ignore you, pretend to hate your guts,

/mɔːr/ /ðeɪ/ /ɪɡˈnɔːr/ /juː/ /heɪt/ /jʊr/ /ɡʌts/

lock you in the coatroom over winter break,

/lɒk/ /juː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈwɪntər/ /breɪk/

the more they secretly like you.

/mɔːr/ /ðeɪ/ /laɪk/ /juː/

This isn't...

Who's Sam Gibbs?

No idea. Why?

/noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /waɪ/

Mom addressed this and never sent it.

/mɒm/ /ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɛnt/ /ɪt/

What's in it?

/ɪt/

Hey.

It's a picture of you and me when we were little kids.

/ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /juː/ /ænd/ /miː/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪdz/

On the back, Mom wrote...

/ɒn/ /bæk/ /mɒm/ /roʊt/

"Your son." "Con trai anh."

/jʊr/ /sʌn/

Okay, everyone, lunch is ready.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /lʌntʃ/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɛd.i/

Who wants Sloppy Joes?

/huː/

Mom, who's Sam Gibbs?

/mɒm/

That doesn't sound familiar.

/ðæt/ /saʊnd/ /fəˈmɪliər/

Who wants Sloppy Joes?

/huː/

There's a picture of me and Barney

/ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /miː/ /ænd/

in an envelope addressed to him.

/hɪm/

And you wrote "your son" on the back.

/ænd/ /juː/ /roʊt/ /jʊr/ /sʌn/ /ɒn/ /bæk/

Oh, no, that...

/noʊ/ /ðæt/

It says "Yourson."

/ɪt/

For Yourson, North Dakota.

/fɔːr/ /nɔːrθ/

That's where we took the picture. Lovely town.

/wɛr/ /wiː/ /tʊk/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ˈlʌvli/ /taʊn/

We went kayaking, and you two rescued the mayor's dog

/wiː/ /wɛnt/ /ænd/ /juː/ /tuː/ /dɔːɡ/

which had wandered into the rapids.

/wɪtʃ/ /hæd/

That mayor, Sam Gibbs,

/ðæt/

asked for your picture so the city

/fɔːr/ /jʊr/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ˈsɪt.i/

could make statues of you both.

/kʊd/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /boʊθ/

I guess I never sent it. That's embarrassing.

/ɡɛs/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɛnt/ /ɪt/ /ɪmˈbærəsɪŋ/

Now, how about those Sloppy Joes?

/naʊ/ /haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðoʊz/

If this picture was taken in North Dakota,

/ɪf/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /wɒz/ /nɔːrθ/

then why is our old swing set in the background?

/ðɛn/ /waɪ/ /ɪz/ /aʊər/ /oʊld/ /sɛt/

I don't know!

/noʊ/

I did my best as a single parent,

/dɪd/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ˈpɛrənt/

and it wasn't always easy,

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˈiː.zi/

and I'd recommend putting the coleslaw

/ænd/

right on top of the Sloppy Joe, because it's delicious that way!

/raɪt/ /ɒn/ /tɒp/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /dɪˈlɪʃəs/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/

Can you believe her?

/kæn/ /juː/ /bɪˈliːv/ /hɜːr/

I know.

/noʊ/

Forgetting to send the photo.

/sɛnd/ /ˈfoʊtoʊ/

That poor sculptor had to work from memory.

/ðæt/ /pʊr/ /hæd/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈmɛməri/

Those statues probably look nothing like us.

/ðoʊz/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /lʊk/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ʌs/

Damn it, Mom!

/ɪt/ /mɒm/

So, Ted?

You were worried

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈwʌrid/

that I oversold you to Liz. Well, I fixed it.

/ðæt/ /juː/ /wɛl/ /ɪt/

How? I sent her another email.

/haʊ/ /sɛnt/ /hɜːr/ /əˈnʌðər/

"Dear Liz. I hope it didn't sound

/dɪər/ /hoʊp/ /ɪt/ /saʊnd/

"like I was trying to oversell Ted.

/laɪk/ /wɒz/

"The truth is, he is a genuinely nice, down to earth guy,

/truːθ/ /ɪz/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /naɪs/ /daʊn/ /ɜːrθ/ /ɡaɪ/

and I think you two would really hit it off."

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /tuː/ /wʊd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪt/ /ɒf/

Thank you. Thank you. That's perfect.

/juː/ /juː/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/

That totally takes the pressure...

/ðæt/ /ˈtoʊtəli/

"Is he going to rock your world in bed? No.

/ɪz/ /hiː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /wɜːrld/ /bɛd/ /noʊ/

"But he's clean,

/bʌt/ /kliːn/

"open to criticism, and not into anything too weird.

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /ænd/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

"He's not bad at all.

/bæd/ /ɔːl/

Not bad at all."

/bæd/ /ɔːl/

See, now you went too far in the other...

/siː/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /wɛnt/ /fɑːr/ /ˈʌð.ər/

"I'll be honest. The first few times

/biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /fɜːrst/ /fjuː/ /taɪmz/

"aren't going to be that great.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ðæt/ /ɡreɪt/

"He's going to say 'Are you finished?'

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /juː/ /ˈfɪnɪʃt/

more times than a waiter in a busy restaurant."

/mɔːr/ /taɪmz/ /ðæn/ /ˈweɪtər/ /ˈbɪzi/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/

Stop!

/stɒp/

Listen to me. There is no Yourson, North Dakota.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /miː/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /nɔːrθ/

Mom... And Sam Gibbs wasn't the mayor.

/mɒm/ /ænd/

He might be one of our fathers.

/hiː/ /maɪt/ /biː/ /aʊər/

Well, he's not my dad. My dad's Bob Barker.

/wɛl/ /maɪ/ /dæd/ /maɪ/

Barney! You... You've got to stop living

/juː/ /stɒp/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/

in these fairy tales that Mom told us!

/ðiːz/ /ðæt/ /mɒm/ /toʊld/ /ʌs/

Bob Barker is not your father.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

Sam Gibbs might be,

/maɪt/ /biː/

but Bob Barker is absolutely, unequivocally not your father.

/bʌt/ /ɪz/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/ /jʊr/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

I suppose you have a problem with the Easter Bunny, too.

/juː/ /hæv/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /wɪð/

Not now.

/naʊ/

This address isn't too far.

/fɑːr/

Are you coming with me, or not?

/juː/ /wɪð/ /miː/

BARNEY: So we're doing this?

We're really going to go disturb

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/

the peaceful Long Island retirement

/ˈpiːsfəl/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/ /rɪˈtaɪərmənt/

of the former mayor of Yourson, North Dakota

/nɔːrθ/

on a Sunday afternoon?

/ɒn/ /ˈsʌndeɪ/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/

Real classy, James. Real classy.

/riːl/ /riːl/

You're just too scared to face the truth.

/dʒʌst/ /skɛrd/ /feɪs/ /truːθ/

You're living in a dream world.

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /driːm/ /wɜːrld/

Maybe we shouldn't have brought these Sloppy Joes.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ðiːz/

Oh, what's done is done.

/dʌn/ /ɪz/ /dʌn/

"Ted Mosby is solid as a rock."

/ɪz/

No. "Dependable."

/noʊ/

No.

/noʊ/

"Rugged." No.

/noʊ/

Why don't I just go to the Chevy Web site

/waɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /wɛb/ /saɪt/

and copy down adjectives?

/ænd/ /ˈkɒpi/ /daʊn/

I just want to hit that perfect middle ground.

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /ðæt/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /ˈmɪdəl/ /ɡraʊnd/

How about we just go wildly to both extremes

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /boʊθ/

and just let them balance each other out?

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /ðɛm/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /aʊt/

"Ted Mosby is really handsome, but extremely violent,

/ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /bʌt/ /ɪkˈstriːmli/ /ˈvaɪələnt/

"and really rich,

/ænd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /rɪtʃ/

but lacks bladder control."

/bʌt/ /kənˈtroʊl/

Oh, damn. What?

/wɒt/

That last bump just made me hit send.

/ðæt/ /læst/ /dʒʌst/ /miː/ /sɛnd/

Oh, no. Don't worry.

/noʊ/ /ˈwʌri/

I'm sure that everyone will get it's a joke.

/ʃʊr/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɪl/ /ɡɛt/ /dʒoʊk/

No, they won't. They're going to think...

/noʊ/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θɪŋk/

Wait. "Everyone"?

/weɪt/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

"Really rich"?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /rɪtʃ/

You ready for this?

/juː/ /ˈrɛd.i/ /fɔːr/

For what?

/fɔːr/ /wɒt/

I don't know who lives here, but it's not my dad.

/noʊ/ /huː/ /hɪr/ /bʌt/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

Wait. Wait. Khoan

/weɪt/ /weɪt/

Please, stop.

/pliːz/ /stɒp/

Just... just give me a second, okay?

/dʒʌst/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

I thought you said that he... Stop.

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /hiː/ /stɒp/

Come on.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

I know Bob Barker's not really... you know.

/noʊ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /juː/ /noʊ/

I'm not crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

I just...

/dʒʌst/

I needed that.

/ðæt/

BARNEY: I know it may sound stupid,

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /meɪ/ /saʊnd/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/

but I didn't always feel so great about myself growing up,

/bʌt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /fiːl/ /ɡreɪt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /ˈɡroʊɪŋ/ /ʌp/

and so having a celebrity dad made me feel special.

/ænd/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /dæd/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /ˈspɛʃəl/

But you're right, James.

/bʌt/ /raɪt/

It's time to let go of the fantasies.

/taɪm/ /lɛt/ /ɡoʊ/

It's time to grow up.

/taɪm/ /ɡroʊ/ /ʌp/

Come here.

/kʌm/ /hɪr/

Can I help you?

/kæn/ /hɛlp/ /juː/

Yeah...

you're Sam Gibbs.

Yes.

I'm James Stinson,

and, I think

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/

you may have known my mother, Loretta Stinson...

/juː/ /meɪ/ /hæv/ /maɪ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

in the '70s.

Loretta! Loretta!

: Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I... I knew Loretta.

/njuː/

My mother meant to send you this.

/maɪ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /sɛnd/ /juː/

You're my son.

/maɪ/ /sʌn/

God, this must be so hard for Barney.

/mʌst/ /biː/ /hɑːrd/ /fɔːr/

Yeah, but you know what?

/bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

He took a big step today...

/hiː/ /tʊk/ /bɪɡ/ /stɛp/ /təˈdeɪ/

Papa! Papa!

/ˈpɑːpə/ /ˈpɑːpə/

Look at us!

/lʊk/ /ʌs/

It's like three of the same guy.

/laɪk/ /θriː/ /seɪm/ /ɡaɪ/

Oh, my God, this explains

/maɪ/

why I was always so awesome at basketball.

/waɪ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/

Guys, I'm black!

/ɡaɪz/ /blæk/

Sorry. African-American.

/ˈsɒr.i/

No. I'm allowed to say either.

/noʊ/ /seɪ/ /ˈiː.ðər/

I got to go get my camera!

/ɡoʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /maɪ/ /ˈkæmərə/

That is my younger brother, Barney.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈbrʌð.ər/

He just thought he'd meet his real dad today,

/hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /θɔːt/ /miːt/ /hɪz/ /riːl/ /dæd/ /təˈdeɪ/

and clearly, he's not taking it so well.

/ænd/ /ˈklɪərli/ /ɪt/ /wɛl/

Oh, my head's kind of spinning, too.

/maɪ/ /kaɪnd/

I mean, Loretta and I only saw each other

/miːn/ /ænd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /sɔː/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

for a couple of months.

/fɔːr/ /ˈkʌpəl/

You were two before I even knew you existed,

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /tuː/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈiːvən/ /njuː/ /juː/

and at that point,

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /pɔɪnt/

your mother made it very clear

/jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ɪt/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /klɪər/

she was going to raise you on her own.

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /reɪz/ /juː/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /oʊn/

I felt I had to respect her wishes, but

/fɛlt/ /hæd/ /rɪˈspɛkt/ /hɜːr/ /bʌt/

I always wanted to meet you.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /miːt/ /juː/

TED: Wait. Khoan

/weɪt/

Barney and James are two years apart.

/ænd/ /tuː/

If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months,

/ɪf/ /ˈoʊnli/ /njuː/ /fɔːr/ /fjuː/

he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.

/hiː/ /biː/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

He's also quite the detective.

/ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /kwaɪt/ /dɪˈtɛktɪv/

Don't worry. We'll...

/ˈwʌri/

We'll snap Barney out of this when he gets back.

/aʊt/ /wɛn/ /hiː/ /ɡɛts/ /bæk/

MARSHALL: Or, we could just

/wiː/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/

let him have this one.

/lɛt/ /hɪm/ /hæv/

TED: What? Are you kidding?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home,

/ɡaɪz/ /hɪz/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/ /hoʊm/

he finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad,

/hiː/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /hɪz/ /dæd/

and then he watched James meet his real father.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /hiː/ /wɒtʃt/ /miːt/ /hɪz/ /riːl/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon.

/dʒʌst/ /lɒt/ /ɡoʊ/ /θruː/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/

Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /ɡaɪ/ /biː/ /blæk/ /fɔːr/ /deɪ/

Here, Ted. Capture the moment!

/hɪr/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

I think you'd need Salvador Dali

/θɪŋk/ /niːd/

to capture this particular moment,

/pərˈtɪkjʊlər/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

but I'll give it a whirl.

/bʌt/ /ɡɪv/ /ɪt/

Man...

/mæn/

I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian,

/θɔːt/ /wɒz/

but in truth, I'm a really light-skinned African-American.

/bʌt/ /truːθ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Man,

/mæn/

try to hail a cab in Manhattan.

/traɪ/ /kæb/

Am I right?

/raɪt/

Nope, no one's stopping for this.

/noʊ/ /fɔːr/

These guys don't understand what I'm talking about.

/ðiːz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

NARRATOR: During that afternoon, Sam and James began to discover

/ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/ /ænd/ /dɪˈskʌvər/

how much they had in common.

/haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ðeɪ/ /hæd/ /ˈkɒmən/

* When the night has come * * When the night has come *

/wɛn/ /naɪt/ /hæz/ /kʌm/ /wɛn/ /naɪt/ /hæz/ /kʌm/

* Oh, and the land is dark * * Oh, and the land is dark *

/ænd/ /lænd/ /ɪz/ /dɑːrk/ /ænd/ /lænd/ /ɪz/ /dɑːrk/

Come on. You know this. Come on.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

* And the moon is the only * * The moon * * And the moon is the only * * The moon *

/ænd/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ænd/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/

* Light we see * * Light we see * * Light we see * * Light we see *

/laɪt/ /wiː/ /siː/ /laɪt/ /wiː/ /siː/ /laɪt/ /wiː/ /siː/ /laɪt/ /wiː/ /siː/

* Light we'll see * * Light we'll see *

/laɪt/ /siː/ /laɪt/ /siː/

* Oh, I won't * * Oh, I won't * * Oh, I won't * * Oh, I won't *

* No, I wo-oh-on't * * No, I wo-oh-on't *

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

* Be afraid * * Be afraid * * Be afraid * * Be afraid *

/biː/ /əˈfreɪd/ /biː/ /əˈfreɪd/ /biː/ /əˈfreɪd/ /biː/ /əˈfreɪd/

* Hey! Ho * * Hey! Ho *

* I won't shed a tear * * I won't shed a tear *

* No, I won't shed no tear * * No, I won't shed no tear *

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

* Not as long * * Not as long * * Not as long * * Not as long *

/lɔːŋ/ /lɔːŋ/ /lɔːŋ/ /lɔːŋ/

* As you stand * * As you stand * * As you stand * * As you stand *

/juː/ /stænd/ /juː/ /stænd/ /juː/ /stænd/ /juː/ /stænd/

* Stand by me * * Stand by me * * Stand by me * * Stand by me *

/stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/

There you go. Come on.

/ðɛr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

* Whenever you're in trouble, won't you stand * * Whenever you're in trouble, won't you stand *

/ˈtrʌbəl/ /juː/ /stænd/ /ˈtrʌbəl/ /juː/ /stænd/

* Stand by me * * Stand by me *

/stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/

* Stand by me, stand by me * * Won't you stand? * * Stand by me, stand by me * * Won't you stand? *

/stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/ /juː/ /stænd/ /stænd/ /miː/ /stænd/ /miː/ /juː/ /stænd/

* Won't you stand now? Won't you stand now? Hey! * * Won't you stand now? Won't you stand now? Hey! *

/juː/ /stænd/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /stænd/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /stænd/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /stænd/ /naʊ/

* Stand... * * Stand... * * Stand... * * Stand... *

/stænd/ /stænd/ /stænd/ /stænd/

- Weird day. - Weird day.

/deɪ/ /deɪ/

Hey, look at that!

/lʊk/ /ðæt/

Liz still wants to meet you.

/miːt/ /juː/

That's great!

/ɡreɪt/

I guess.

/ɡɛs/

Wait a minute.

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

You said Liz was a total ten.

/juː/ /sɛd/ /wɒz/ /tɛn/

Why would she want to meet

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /ʃiː/ /wɒnt/ /miːt/

the incontinent freak show you described?

/friːk/ /ʃoʊ/ /juː/

You oversold her!

/juː/ /hɜːr/

Maybe a little.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

You said she was a ten.

/juː/ /sɛd/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /tɛn/

I did not specify on what scale.

/dɪd/ /ɒn/ /wɒt/

You said she looked like a movie star.

/juː/ /sɛd/ /ʃiː/ /laɪk/ /ˈmuːvi/ /stɑːr/

She does.

/ʃiː/ /dʌz/

It's Robert De Niro,

but, like, super buff, like in Cape Fear.

/bʌt/ /laɪk/ /ˈsuːpər/ /laɪk/ /fɪər/

Dad, look how fast I can run!

/dæd/ /lʊk/ /haʊ/ /fæst/ /kæn/ /rʌn/

He's actually a really sweet guy,

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /swiːt/ /ɡaɪ/

and he's great with my son.

/ænd/ /ɡreɪt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /sʌn/

I have a grandson?

/hæv/ /ˈɡrænsʌn/

His name's Eli.

/hɪz/

He's beautiful.

/ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

Dad, you're not looking!

/dæd/

NARRATOR: Eventually,

the strangest afternoon of our lives wound to a close,

/ˌæftərˈnuːn/ /aʊər/ /wuːnd/ /kloʊs/

and we headed back to Staten Island,

/ænd/ /wiː/ /ˈhɛdɪd/ /bæk/ /ˈaɪlənd/

where Barney and his mom had a long overdue heart-to-heart.

/wɛr/ /ænd/ /hɪz/ /mɒm/ /hæd/ /lɔːŋ/

Barney? Barney?

I need to talk to you.

/niːd/ /tɔːk/ /juː/

Me first.

/miː/ /fɜːrst/

Mom,

/mɒm/

there's something that I need to ask you,

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /niːd/ /æsk/ /juː/

and I... I want you to be honest with me.

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Why do white people like Carrot Top?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /laɪk/ /tɒp/

Listen...

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I always wanted to be enough for you boys.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /biː/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /bɔɪz/

I think that's why it always hurt

/θɪŋk/ /waɪ/ /ɪt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /hɜːrt/

whenever you asked about your dads,

/juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/

because I was always

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

trying so hard to be both parents for you.

/hɑːrd/ /biː/ /boʊθ/ /ˈpɛərənts/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

But I was being selfish.

/bʌt/ /wɒz/ /ˈsɛlfɪʃ/

You deserve the truth.

/juː/ /truːθ/

So here it is.

/hɪr/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

Sam is not your father.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

Are you sure?

/juː/ /ʃʊr/

Yes.

He's black, dear.

/blæk/ /dɪər/

But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is.

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /kæn/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /huː/ /jʊr/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪz/

NARRATOR: And at that moment,

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

Barney suddenly saw his childhood

/ˈsʌd.ən.li/ /sɔː/ /hɪz/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/

more clearly than he ever had before.

/mɔːr/ /ˈklɪərli/ /ðæn/ /hiː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hæd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

I'm sorry, but your son can't be on the team.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/ /jʊr/ /sʌn/ /biː/ /ɒn/ /tiːm/

He's terrible.

/ˈtɛrɪbl/

What'd Coach say, Ma?

/seɪ/

He said you're simply too good to be on the team.

/hiː/ /sɛd/ /ˈsɪmpli/ /ɡʊd/ /biː/ /ɒn/ /tiːm/

It's not fair to the other boys.

/fɛr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /bɔɪz/

But that's okay.

/bʌt/

We can just play together in the backyard.

/wiː/ /kæn/ /dʒʌst/ /pleɪ/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Why didn't anyone come?

/waɪ/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /kʌm/

Oh, you know what, dear?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /dɪər/

Apparently, there was a mix-up with the mail.

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /wɪð/ /meɪl/

I just got this letter from the Postmaster General.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈlɛt.ər/ /ˈdʒɛnərəl/

"Dear Barney, I sincerely apologize

/dɪər/ /əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/

"for losing all the invitations

/fɔːr/ /ɔːl/

you sent out to your eighth birthday party."

/juː/ /sɛnt/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɜːrθdeɪ/ /ˈpɑːrti/

Barney. Barney.

It's okay, Mom.

/mɒm/

I don't need it.

/niːd/ /ɪt/