Season 6 · Tập 3

Kids, in my early days of being a Professor,

/kɪdz/ /maɪ/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /prəˈfɛsər/

I had one simple goal:

/hæd/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/

Give a lecture that changes someone's life.

/ɡɪv/ /ˈlɛktʃər/ /ðæt/ /laɪf/

Then one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal.

/ðɛn/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/ /ðæt/

Unfinished.

Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Familia...

/ɔːl/ /wɜːrdz/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /juːz/ /dɪˈskraɪb/

Brown, pointy, weird...

The one that really seems to stick is "unfinished."

/ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /stɪk/ /ɪz/

Why?

/waɪ/

Because on June 7, 1926, the architect Antoni Gaudi...

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɒn/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished...

/wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ænd/

Was run over by a bus.

/wɒz/ /rʌn/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /bʌs/

And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever...

/ænd/ /hɪz/ /ˈmɑːstəpiːs/ /wʊd/ /fərˈɛvər/

But first, let's back up a few days.

/bʌt/ /fɜːrst/ /bæk/ /ʌp/ /fjuː/

Ted, look across the bar.

/lʊk/ /əˈkrɒs/ /bɑːr/

Three chicks: one hot, one kind of hot

/θriː/ /tʃɪks/ /hɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /hɒt/

and one who I'm assuming is really funny.

/ænd/ /huː/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈfʌn.i/

We ride!

/wiː/ /raɪd/

What's wrong?

/rɒŋ/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

Got a burger coming.

/ˈbɜːrɡər/

Bro, I told you,

/broʊ/ /toʊld/ /juː/

if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /niːd/ /jʊr/ /ɡaɪ/

Yeah, I'm not going to go through that again.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /θruː/ /ðæt/ /əˈɡɛn/

Hi.

Barney Stinson. Barney Stinson.

And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman.

/ænd/

Thank you for your time.

/juː/ /fɔːr/ /jʊr/ /taɪm/

Fine. I'll have a three-way with hot and kind of hot

/faɪn/ /hæv/ /wɪð/ /hɒt/ /ænd/ /kaɪnd/ /hɒt/

while Giggles works the camera.

/waɪl/ /wɜːrks/ /ˈkæmərə/

I ride!

/raɪd/

So, get this:

/ɡɛt/

Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out,

/læst/ /naɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

some random satellite channel

/sʌm/ /ˈsætəlaɪt/ /ˈtʃænəl/

picks up a certain local Chicago newscast.

/ʌp/ /ˈloʊkl/

And now, the 11:00 news with Don Frank.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /njuːz/ /wɪð/

Boo! Buuuu!

Oh, man, it's bad enough

/mæn/ /bæd/ /ɪˈnʌf/

to have to go through a horrible breakup,

/hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /θruː/ /ˈhɒrɪbl/ /ˈbreɪkʌp/

but then have that person pop up on your TV?

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /pɒp/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

Are you okay?

/juː/

Well, I'll admit, at first, I felt a little weird.

/wɛl/ /ədˈmɪt/ /fɜːrst/ /fɛlt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

But after the initial shock, I realized something:

/bʌt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

I've moved on.

/ɒn/

Finished with that.

/ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

It was a peaceful moment of closure.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈpiːsfəl/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

That's great.

/ɡreɪt/

- Good on you. - Yeah, thank you.

/ɡʊd/ /ɒn/ /juː/ /juː/

Where's the poop, Robin?

Excuse me?

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean.

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /kɪd/ /hæd/ /dɔːɡ/ /neɪmd/

Whenever he made the face that you're making right now,

/hiː/ /feɪs/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /njuː/ /hiː/ /ˈsʌmwɛr/ /haʊs/

Where's the poop, Robin?

I don't know what you're talking about. Where's the poop, Robin?

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

- There's no poop. - Where's the poop?

/noʊ/

Okay.

So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure.

/ɪt/ /ˈpiːsfəl/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

Hey, Don, here's some breaking news:

/sʌm/ /njuːz/

There's a zit breaking out on your forehead.

/aʊt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

Finished with that.

/ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Look, I'm not proud, but Don left so quickly

/lʊk/ /praʊd/ /bʌt/ /lɛft/ /ˈkwɪk.li/

that I never got the chance to have that final showdown.

/ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /tʃæns/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /ˈfaɪnəl/

So yelling at him, even on TV, felt kind of good.

/hɪm/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɒn/ /fɛlt/ /kaɪnd/ /ɡʊd/

And you know what?

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Now I truly am over him.

/naʊ/ /ˈtruːli/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪm/

- That's great. - Thank you.

/ɡreɪt/ /juː/

Good on you.

/ɡʊd/ /ɒn/ /juː/

Where's the poop, Robin?

Damn it!

/ɪt/

Okay, in the process of truly getting over him,

/ˈprɒsɛs/ /ˈtruːli/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪm/

I may have called him

/meɪ/ /hæv/ /hɪm/

and left an... Indelicate voice mail.

/ænd/ /lɛft/ /vɔɪs/ /meɪl/

I am gonna kill you.

/kɪl/ /juː/

I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you,

/flaɪ/ /kɪl/ /juː/

put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it.

/pʊt/ /jʊr/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /feɪs/ /ɒn/ /diːp/ /dɪʃ/ /ænd/ /iːt/ /ɪt/

And then maybe catch a Bears game.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ɡeɪm/

But mostly the killing and eating your face thing.

/bʌt/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ˈiː.tɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /feɪs/ /θɪŋ/

Give me your phone.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/

We're deleting Don's number.

/ˈnʌmbər/

Don't worry.

/ˈwʌri/

I am never doing that again.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ðæt/ /əˈɡɛn/

It was a one-time thing.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /θɪŋ/

Prove it.

/pruːv/ /ɪt/

Delete contact.

/ˈkɒntækt/

There. Deleted.

/ðɛr/

Oh, hey!

Back already.

/bæk/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

How was flying solo?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/

And by "solo," I mean so low that you got shot down.

/ænd/ /miːn/ /loʊ/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /ʃɒt/ /daʊn/

Look, I didn't get shot down.

/lʊk/ /ɡɛt/ /ʃɒt/ /daʊn/

Trust me, I'll get the yes.

/trʌst/ /miː/ /ɡɛt/

Barney Stinson always gets the yes.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡɛts/

This is all

/ɪz/ /ɔːl/

part of the plan.

/pɑːrt/ /plæn/

After initial contact,

/ˈæf.tər/ /ˈkɒntækt/

I'm now in the ignoring phase.

/naʊ/

Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner

/waɪ/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /teɪk/ /ɡɜːrl/ /aʊt/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

like a normal person?

/laɪk/ /ˈnɔːrməl/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the yes.

/ruːl/ /duː/ /baɪ/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /ɡɛt/

Dinner's a very intimate activity.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈɪntɪmɪt/

It requires

/ɪt/

a level of connection and eye contact

/ˈlɛv.əl/ /ænd/ /aɪ/ /ˈkɒntækt/

that sex just doesn't.

/ðæt/ /sɛks/ /dʒʌst/

Call me old-fashioned,

/kɔːl/ /miː/

but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times

/bʌt/ /niːd/ /hæv/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrl/ /liːst/ /θriː/ /taɪmz/

before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈiːvən/ /kənˈsɪd.ər/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

The next day, at the university,

/nɛkst/ /deɪ/ /ˌjuːnɪˈvɜːrsɪti/

i had a surprise visitor.

/hæd/ /sərˈpraɪz/

What are you doing here?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/

Oh, God!

You're dating one of my students.

/ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /ˈstjuːdənts/

It's Rachel, isn't it?

/ɪt/

Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters,

/noʊ/ /ʃiː/

but she's 19!

/bʌt/

Ugh.

/ʌɡ/

Now I'm gonna have to hear

/naʊ/ /hæv/ /hɪr/

all about it, right?

/ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/

Go on, tell me every detail.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /ˈɛv.ri/

No, you pent-up old perv.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /oʊld/

I brought you a present.

/juː/ /ˈprɛz.ənt/

Recognize this?

It's my building.

/maɪ/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

Kids, you may remember that, a few years earlier,

/kɪdz/ /juː/ /meɪ/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/ /fjuː/ /ˈɜːrliər/

i was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters

/wɒz/ /dɪˈzaɪn/ /njuː/

for Goliath National Bank.

/fɔːr/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /bæŋk/

It was the opportunity every architect dreams about.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˌɒpərˈtjuːnɪti/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /driːmz/ /əˈbaʊt/

And when the project was ultimately scrapped...

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /wɒz/

It broke my heart.

/ɪt/ /maɪ/ /hɑːrt/

Do you remember how awesome it was to be co-workers...

/duː/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /haʊ/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /biː/

Nay, bro-workers?

Wait a minute. Y... You don't mean...

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /juː/ /miːn/

Ted Mosby, it's back on.

/bæk/ /ɒn/

We're gonna build your building.

/bɪld/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

Sync by fant0m, corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com

/kɒm/

This is awesome... You're designing our new headquarters.

/ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/ /aʊər/ /njuː/

Now, there will be voices that tell you

/naʊ/ /ðɛr/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /ðæt/ /tɛl/ /juː/

a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible.

/ˈhɒki/ /ɒn/ /ruːf/ /ɪz/

You've got to shut those voices out.

/ʃʌt/ /ðoʊz/ /aʊt/

Actually, I think I'm gonna say no.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /θɪŋk/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/

No? Are you kidding me?

/noʊ/ /juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /miː/

But designing a building in New York City

/bʌt/ /dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈsɪt.i/

is your lifelong dream.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /driːm/

I do not want to work for GNB again.

/duː/ /wɒnt/ /wɜːrk/ /fɔːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

Those guys are evil.

/ðoʊz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈiːvəl/

No offense, Marshall.

/noʊ/

Dude, none taken.

/nʌn/

Yes, GNB is, the Empire from Star Wars.

/ɪz/ /stɑːr/

But the Death Star's gonna get built either way.

/bʌt/ /dɛθ/ /ɡɛt/ /bɪlt/ /ˈiː.ðər/ /weɪ/

And don't you think the architect of the Death Star

/ænd/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /dɛθ/ /stɑːr/

is pretty psyched to have that thing on his space resume?

/ɪz/ /ˈprɪti/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /speɪs/

I mean, yes,

/miːn/

his design was flawed in the sense

/hɪz/ /dɪˈzaɪn/ /wɒz/ /sɛns/

that a single bullet fired into a particular vent

/ðæt/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /faɪərd/ /pərˈtɪkjʊlər/

would explode the whole thing.

/wʊd/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

For all we know, that was the contractor's fault.

/fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /wiː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /fɔːlt/

But that won't happen on your watch... You know why?

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /wɒtʃ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/

Because you're Ted Mosby!

/bɪˈkɔːz/

And you are gonna design the most beautiful,

/ænd/ /juː/ /dɪˈzaɪn/ /moʊst/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

ventless, rebel-proof building in Manhattan,

/ˈbɪldɪŋ/

with clearly marked emergency stops

/wɪð/ /ˈklɪərli/ /ɪˈmɜːrdʒənsi/

for every trash compactor on the detention level.

/fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /træʃ/ /ɒn/ /ˈlɛv.əl/

Look, I know this is hard to understand,

/lʊk/ /noʊ/ /ɪz/ /hɑːrd/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

but right now, I have a quiet, simple, happy little life.

/bʌt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /hæv/ /ˈkwaɪɪt/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /ˈhæp.i/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /laɪf/

And I like it that way.

/ænd/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/

I know what my answer has to be.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /maɪ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /hæz/ /biː/

I can't take the job, Barney.

/teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

I'm done with that life.

/dʌn/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /laɪf/

No hard feelings?

/noʊ/ /hɑːrd/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

Of course not.

/kɔːrs/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

- Hey, Professor Mosby. - Hey, Rachel.

/prəˈfɛsər/

And I thought that was the end of the story.

/ænd/ /θɔːt/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɛnd/ /ˈstɔːri/

But then that night...

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/

I'm telling you,

/juː/

no architect would ever design

/noʊ/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /wʊd/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

a giant exposed vent right over a Death Star's core reactor.

/raɪt/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /dɛθ/

That's Space Architecture 101.

/speɪs/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

It had to be the contractor.

/ɪt/ /hæd/ /biː/

Barney, back me up.

/bæk/ /miː/ /ʌp/

Barney. Barney.

Dude, this is important.

/ɪz/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

I need another drink.

/niːd/ /əˈnʌðər/ /drɪŋk/

Marshall, you want anything?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

No, I'm fine.

/noʊ/ /faɪn/

Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job,

/ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /mæd/ /miː/ /fɔːr/ /daʊn/ /dʒɒb/

but acting like I'm not even here?

/bʌt/ /ˈæktɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ˈiːvən/ /hɪr/

Wait, you turned down the job? When?

/weɪt/ /juː/ /daʊn/ /dʒɒb/ /wɛn/

This morning.

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

That's so weird.

Just, like, an hour ago, when we were leaving work...

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /wɜːrk/

So, you still think Ted's gonna take the job?

/juː/ /θɪŋk/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

Please.

/pliːz/

I'll get the yes.

/ɡɛt/

Barney Stinson always gets the yes.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡɛts/

Huh. Ha.

Am I wrong or is that exactly what Barney says

/rɒŋ/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/

when he's putting the moves on a girl?

/wɛn/ /ɒn/ /ɡɜːrl/

Exactly. I mean, it's almost like

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /miːn/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /laɪk/

he's putting the moves on you.

/ɒn/ /juː/

Yeah, more like the opposite.

/mɔːr/ /laɪk/ /ˈɒpəzɪt/

He's been ignoring me all night.

/miː/ /ɔːl/ /naɪt/

- Oh. - Oh.

Barney wants me to take the job so bad

/miː/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/ /bæd/

he's putting the moves on me?

/ɒn/ /miː/

I hope that's his end game.

/hoʊp/ /hɪz/ /ɛnd/ /ɡeɪm/

Actually, I don't.

/ˈæktʃuəli/

I like you two together.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /tuː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

I don't buy it.

/baɪ/ /ɪt/

That's crazy, even for Barney.

/ˈkreɪzi/ /ˈiːvən/ /fɔːr/

Okay, well, think about it.

/wɛl/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

We've seen his moves countless times.

/hɪz/ /taɪmz/

What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /hiː/ /duː/ /ˈæf.tər/ /dʌn/ /ɡɜːrl/

Chrissy, I love your glasses.

/lʌv/ /jʊr/

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

They totally pull focus up

/ðeɪ/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /pʊl/ /ˈfoʊkəs/ /ʌp/

from that whole chin situation you got going on.

/ðæt/ /hoʊl/ /ˌsɪtʃuˈeɪʃən/ /juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

To Chrissy.

The backhanded compliment

to lower her self-esteem... A proven winner.

/hɜːr/

But Barney hasn't done...

/bʌt/ /dʌn/

Ted, I admire your loyalty.

/jʊr/

You've had that hairstyle forever.

/hæd/ /ðæt/ /fərˈɛvər/

You don't care that it's out of fashion

/juː/ /kɛr/ /ðæt/ /aʊt/

or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community.

/ðæt/ /kəˈmjuːnɪti/

You stick with it.

/juː/ /stɪk/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

To Ted.

Hey, Lily!

Don't "hey, Lily" me.

/miː/

I smelled poop all the way from the hallway.

/ɔːl/ /weɪ/

Oh, no, not this again.

/noʊ/ /əˈɡɛn/

Where's the poop, Robin?

Okay, I left Don another message.

/lɛft/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈmɛsɪdʒ/

"This just in"

/dʒʌst/

is what I'm gonna say

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /seɪ/

when I'm stabbing you".

/wɛn/ /juː/

But that's impossible.

/bʌt/ /ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/

You deleted his number.

/juː/ /hɪz/ /ˈnʌmbər/

I tried to.

But then this thing popped up

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /θɪŋ/ /ʌp/

on my phone that said, "are you sure?"

/ɒn/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/ /ðæt/ /sɛd/ /juː/ /ʃʊr/

And I wasn't sure.

/ænd/ /ʃʊr/

I can't lie to my phone.

/laɪ/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/

Oh, sweetie, I totally understand.

/ˈswiːti/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

Delete it!

/ɪt/

It's not that easy, okay?

/ðæt/ /ˈiː.zi/

You're not just deleting a number,

/dʒʌst/ /ˈnʌmbər/

you're deleting a part of your life.

/pɑːrt/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

You know, all those

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/

memories, all those experiences.

/ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/

It's like you're admitting they're gone forever.

/laɪk/ /ɡɔːn/ /fərˈɛvər/

I know, sweetie.

/noʊ/ /ˈswiːti/

I know.

/noʊ/

Delete it!

/ɪt/

Okay, if it's that easy,

/ɪf/ /ðæt/ /ˈiː.zi/

I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone,

/jʊr/ /ˈnʌmbərz/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/

see how you like it.

/siː/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

My "plezh."

/maɪ/

If you can find a number in there

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kæn/ /faɪnd/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ðɛr/

that I don't call regularly, I'll gladly delete it.

/ðæt/ /kɔːl/ /ˈrɛɡjʊlərli/ /ɪt/

Super Kicks Karate.

/ˈsuːpər/ /kəˈrɑːti/

No, not that one.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/

That's my dojo.

/maɪ/

You have a dojo?

/juː/ /hæv/

I took an introductory karate class.

/tʊk/ /kəˈrɑːti/ /klæs/

Oops, wrong room.

/rɒŋ/ /ruːm/

Where do the grown-ups go for the real karate class?

/wɛr/ /duː/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /riːl/ /kəˈrɑːti/ /klæs/

What's the matter, lady?

/ˈmætər/ /ˈleɪdi/

You scared?

/juː/ /skɛrd/

Of you? Please.

/juː/ /pliːz/

I'm a kindergarten teacher.

/ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/ /ˈtiː.tʃər/

I hated kindergarten.

/ˈheɪtɪd/ /ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/

All three times.

/ɔːl/ /θriː/ /taɪmz/

But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons.

/bʌt/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /saɪn/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/ /mɔːr/

How long ago did you take that class?

/haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /ðæt/ /klæs/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

It was around the time

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /əˈraʊnd/ /taɪm/

when everyone was going, "Wassuuuuuuup!"

/wɛn/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

How do you even remember that?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/

Wassuuuuuup...! Wassuuuuuup...!

Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again.

/ɪz/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /əˈɡɛn/

- I might. - No, no.

/maɪt/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

But you keep it in your phone

/bʌt/ /juː/ /kiːp/ /ɪt/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/

because it reminds you of a version of yourself

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /ˈvɜːrʒən/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

that you could be, even if it's a version of yourself

/ðæt/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /biː/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/ /ˈvɜːrʒən/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

that you'll never become.

/ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /bɪˈkʌm/

And that's okay.

/ænd/

No, it's not.

/noʊ/

Okay, you know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

There, gone.

/ðɛr/ /ɡɔːn/

Your move, Scherbatsky.

/jʊr/ /muːv/

I finally know what your kind goes through.

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /jʊr/ /kaɪnd/ /ɡoʊz/ /θruː/

I get it now.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /naʊ/

For the last time, I don't care how big it was,

/fɔːr/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /kɛr/ /haʊ/ /bɪɡ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

it is not the same as giving birth.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /seɪm/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/

Ew. No.

/noʊ/

Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted.

/ɒn/

Oh, that sucks.

/ðæt/

Although I like you two together.

/ɔːlˈðoʊ/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /tuː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

No, he's been doing it to try to get Ted to design

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /traɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

the new GNB tower.

/njuː/

Which moves are we talking about?

/wɪtʃ/ /wiː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Did he do the thing where he brags on himself

/dɪd/ /hiː/ /duː/ /θɪŋ/ /wɛr/ /hiː/ /ɒn/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/

in the form of a complaint?

/fɔːrm/

Man, every time

/mæn/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/

I take out my business card

/teɪk/ /aʊt/ /maɪ/ /ˈbɪznɪs/

and women see the GNB logo, they throw themselves at me.

/ænd/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /siː/ /ðeɪ/ /θroʊ/ /miː/

I miss the chase.

/mɪs/

It sucks!

/ɪt/

Man, the courtside Knicks seats

/mæn/

that are available to all upper level GNB employees

/ðæt/ /ɔːl/ /ˈlɛv.əl/

are too close to the action.

/kloʊs/ /ˈæk.ʃən/

I keep getting sweat on my suit.

/kiːp/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /suːt/

It sucks!

/ɪt/

Man,

/mæn/

GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive

/ˈpækɪdʒ/ /ɪz/

it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want.

/ɪt/ /ɡɪvz/ /miː/ /ˈfriːdəm/ /siː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈdɒktər/ /wɒnt/

It sucks!

/ɪt/

He did.

/hiː/ /dɪd/

And the intense eye contact thing?

/ænd/ /aɪ/ /ˈkɒntækt/ /θɪŋ/

So, Ted,

would you like to split some jalapeño poppers?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /splɪt/ /sʌm/

Okay.

Yep.

And the thing where he establishs intimacy

/ænd/ /θɪŋ/ /wɛr/ /hiː/

through physical contact?

/θruː/ /ˈfɪzɪkl/ /ˈkɒntækt/

You know why jalapeño poppers are so good?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/ /ɡʊd/

It's the cream cheese.

/kriːm/ /tʃiːz/

That is so true.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /truː/

Yeah...

Cream cheese has a mild flav... Flavor

/kriːm/ /tʃiːz/ /hæz/ /maɪld/ /ˈfleɪvər/

so it... It balances out the spiciness of the jal...

/ɪt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

The spiciness of the...

Dude!

So at any point in this

/ˈɛn.i/ /pɔɪnt/

did you say, "Barney, I know what you're doing,

/dɪd/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

and it's not going to work.

/ænd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɜːrk/

I am not taking that job?"

/ðæt/ /dʒɒb/

Well, I mean, not exactly in those...

/wɛl/ /miːn/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /ðoʊz/

You're loving this.

/ˈlʌvɪŋ/

No.

/noʊ/

You are.

/juː/

You're loving the attention.

/ˈlʌvɪŋ/

It's nice to be wanted, okay?

/naɪs/ /biː/

And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing.

/ænd/ /ɪz/ /njuː/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /fɔːr/

Oh, that's right, you didn't.

/raɪt/ /juː/

Barney did!

/dɪd/

Oh, Teddy,

/ˈtɛdi/

you are so going to spread your legs

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /lɛɡz/

and design that building.

/ænd/ /dɪˈzaɪn/ /ðæt/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

I am not that kind of architect.

/ðæt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

So get this... Robin never deleted Don's number.

/ɡɛt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈnʌmbər/

Wait... Khoan...

/weɪt/

Boo! Buuu!

Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ˈiː.zi/

Give me your phone.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/

Let's delete one of yours.

/jɔːrz/

Okay.

No problem.

/noʊ/ /ˈprɒbləm/

If you can find a number that I don't need

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kæn/ /faɪnd/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ðæt/ /niːd/

or shouldn't have in here, be my guest,

/hæv/ /hɪr/ /biː/ /maɪ/

but good luck.

/bʌt/ /ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

I keep my phone tight.

/kiːp/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/ /taɪt/

- Edwin. - Oh, no, not that one.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/

That's the booker for the club that my band plays at.

/fɔːr/ /klʌb/ /ðæt/ /maɪ/ /bænd/ /pleɪz/

You know, my all-lawyer funk band... You remember...

/juː/ /noʊ/ /maɪ/ /fʌŋk/ /bænd/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk.

/fʌŋk/ /hoʊl/ /fʌŋk/ /ænd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /bʌt/ /fʌŋk/

Kick it.

/kɪk/ /ɪt/

You guys played one gig four years ago.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈɡoʊ/

I'm deleting it.

/ɪt/

No, no, we're gonna... We're gonna play another gig again.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /pleɪ/ /əˈnʌðər/ /əˈɡɛn/

Probably really soon.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /suːn/

It's just we all got super busy, and...

/dʒʌst/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /ˈsuːpər/ /ˈbɪzi/ /ænd/

We're not going to play another gig again, are we?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /pleɪ/ /əˈnʌðər/ /əˈɡɛn/ /wiː/

Probably not, baby.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈbeɪbi/

See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it?

/siː/ /hɑːrd/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/

Well, it's just that without that number in my phone,

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /ðæt/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/

I'm just a corporate lawyer

/dʒʌst/ /ˈlɔːjər/

working 60 very un-funky hours a week.

/ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈaʊərz/ /wiːk/

Sorry, Marshall.

/ˈsɒr.i/

But if I have to, you have to.

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /hæv/ /juː/ /hæv/

Okay. Your turn.

/jʊr/ /tɜːrn/

Barney, I gotta tell you something.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Oh, that reminds me.

/ðæt/ /miː/

I got you a little airplane.

/juː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

It represents the spirit of adventure.

/ɪt/ /ədˈvɛntʃər/

Do you like it, Ted?

/duː/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

Do you?

/duː/ /juː/

Stop it.

/stɒp/ /ɪt/

Stop looking at me

/stɒp/ /miː/

like I'm the only person in the world who matters.

/laɪk/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /wɜːrld/ /huː/

I'm not designing the GNB Tower.

/dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/

Yeah, I know.

/noʊ/

You turned it down.

/juː/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/

We hired someone else.

/wiː/ /haɪərd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɛls/

Oh.

Oh.

Can you believe it?

/kæn/ /juː/ /bɪˈliːv/ /ɪt/

He's resorting to the oldest move in the book.

/muːv/ /bʊk/

The classic, "pretend to take the offer off the table

/ˈklæsɪk/ /teɪk/ /ˈɒfər/ /ɒf/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

so I'll want it more."

/wɒnt/ /ɪt/ /mɔːr/

It's so obvious, right?

/ˈɒbviəs/ /raɪt/

As if that's going to make me be like,

/ɪf/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /meɪk/ /miː/ /biː/ /laɪk/

"oh, God, I never should have said no."

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/ /noʊ/

It's not a move, dude.

/muːv/

I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning.

/fɔːr/ /njuː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Barney wasn't lying.

/ˈlaɪɪŋ/

Oh, God, I never should have said no!

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/ /noʊ/

Come on, GNB didn't really hire a new architect.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /haɪər/ /njuː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

This is just one of Barney's moves.

/ɪz/ /dʒʌst/

It's not a move, dude.

/muːv/

The senior partners were getting impatient.

/ˈsiːniər/ /wɜːr/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

I thought you didn't even want the job.

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɒnt/ /dʒɒb/

I didn't!

I don't! I don't. I don't!

- Okay, I'll do it! - What?

/duː/ /ɪt/ /wɒt/

Ted, it's too late.

/leɪt/

I'll design it for half

/dɪˈzaɪn/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/ /hæf/

of what you're paying the other architect.

/wɒt/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

And you know I will do stuff they would never do.

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɪl/ /duː/ /stʌf/ /ðeɪ/ /wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /duː/

Lobby stuff.

/ˈlɒbi/ /stʌf/

Wow, half?

/hæf/

Ted, Ted,

on behalf of Goliath National Bank...

/ɒn/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /bæŋk/

Okay, it's a move.

/muːv/

- What? - Dude!

/wɒt/

There is no other architect.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /laɪd/

I was being Barney's wingman,

/wɒz/

and I never get to be the wingman.

/ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /biː/

You guys lied to me?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /laɪd/ /miː/

You're the world's worst wingman.

/wɜːrst/

You know what? I'm out of here.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

I can do better. Take me back.

/kæn/ /duː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /teɪk/ /miː/ /bæk/

You son of a bitch!

/juː/ /sʌn/

Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me.

/lʊk/ /duː/ /ˈbɪznɪs/ /wɪð/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /huː/ /laɪ/ /miː/

We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job.

/wiː/ /ˈoʊnli/ /laɪd/ /juː/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /dʒɒb/

No, I don't.

/noʊ/

I mean, I know I said I did,

/miːn/ /noʊ/ /sɛd/ /dɪd/

but that's only because I fell for the same

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /fɔːr/ /seɪm/

creepy, pickup artist voodoo of yours

/ˈkriːpi/ /ˈɑːrtɪst/ /jɔːrz/

that countless women...

/ðæt/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

236.

Before me fell for.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /miː/ /fɔːr/

Wow, respect.

/rɪˈspɛkt/

No... Ted... You want to do this, okay?

/noʊ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /duː/

You're just scared of getting hurt again.

/dʒʌst/ /skɛrd/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /hɜːrt/ /əˈɡɛn/

But you can't let fear steal your funk.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /lɛt/ /fɪər/ /stiːl/ /jʊr/ /fʌŋk/

That is good. There is a song in there.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ɡʊd/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /sɒŋ/ /ðɛr/

Excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

Come on, Ted!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

This is your dream.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /driːm/

No, it's not. Not anymore. And you know what?

/noʊ/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/ /ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made.

/ɡoʊ/ /ðæt/ /driːm/ /wɒz/ /bɛst/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/ /ˈɛv.ər/

You guys actually think

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /θɪŋk/

I have some lingering itch to be an architect?

/hæv/ /sʌm/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Work 20 hours a day and weekends?

/wɜːrk/ /ˈaʊərz/ /deɪ/ /ænd/

To get ulcers and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself

/ɡɛt/ /ænd/ /pʊl/ /maɪ/ /hɛr/ /aʊt/ /ænd/ /ˈwʌri/ /ænd/ /daʊt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

and then at the end of it all,

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ɛnd/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/

have the rug pulled out from under me?

/hæv/ /rʌɡ/ /aʊt/ /ˈʌndər/ /miː/

I love being a Professor, okay?

/lʌv/ /prəˈfɛsər/

All that stupid crap they tell you

/ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ðeɪ/ /tɛl/ /juː/

about how fulfilling teaching is?

/əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/ /ɪz/

It's all true.

/ɔːl/ /truː/

I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that.

/ˈhæp.i/ /ænd/ /ɡoʊ/ /ðæt/

My answer's no.

/maɪ/ /noʊ/

Hey, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

Where's the poop, Robin?

How do you do that?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

You are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop.

/juː/ /laɪk/ /dɔːɡ/ /ɪkˈsɛpt/ /wɪð/

You are a poop-sniffing dog.

/juː/ /dɔːɡ/

I think that's just called a dog.

/θɪŋk/ /dʒʌst/ /dɔːɡ/

Where's the poop, Robin?

Fine. I called don again.

/faɪn/ /əˈɡɛn/

Hey, Don! It's Robin again.

/əˈɡɛn/

Look, I am sorry for all the calls.

/lʊk/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /kɔːlz/

It's just, I saw you on the news,

/dʒʌst/ /sɔː/ /juː/ /ɒn/ /njuːz/

and it made me a little crazy for a minute.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /miː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /fɔːr/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought.

/ɡɛs/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /aʊər/ /ˈbreɪkʌp/ /θɔːt/

But I want to say,

/bʌt/ /wɒnt/ /seɪ/

from the bottom of my heart,

/maɪ/ /hɑːrt/

I am going to kill you.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kɪl/ /juː/

No... no, I'm not.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

I am happy for you.

/ˈhæp.i/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

And that asian slut on your Facebook page.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

She's dead, too.

/dɛd/

I thought you deleted his number.

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /hɪz/ /ˈnʌmbər/

I did, but it turns out, I memorized it.

/dɪd/ /bʌt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ɪt/

You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily.

/juː/ /jʊr/ /breɪn/

Well, you have to try.

/wɛl/ /juː/ /hæv/ /traɪ/

If you ever want to have closure...