Season 6 · Tập 10

Kids, in the fall of 2010,

/kɪdz/ /fɔːl/

I was hosting my very first Thanksgiving.

/wɒz/ /maɪ/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /fɜːrst/

And I wanted it to be unforgettable.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /biː/

Instead of stuffing, I'm going to fill the turkey with...

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /fɪl/ /ˈtɜːrki/ /wɪð/

a slightly smaller turkey.

/ˈslaɪtli/ /ˈtɜːrki/

It's called a Turturkeykey!

A Turturkeykey? Mm-hmm.

Uh-uh, oh-oh. ROBIN: Yeah, I was there for

/wɒz/ /ðɛr/ /fɔːr/

the "insertion." He used shoehorns.

/hiː/

I'll be having sides.

/biː/ /ˈhævɪŋ/

Your loss. All right, it's dead in here.

/jʊr/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /dɛd/ /hɪr/

I'm gonna call it a little early.

/kɔːl/ /ɪt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɜːr.li/

What? No! You can't go now.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /naʊ/

It's the night before Thanksgiving.

/naɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

College chicks are back in town.

/ˈkɒlɪdʒ/ /tʃɪks/ /bæk/ /taʊn/

Their moms just made a snide comment

/ðɛr/ /dʒʌst/

about the weight they gained.

/əˈbaʊt/ /ðeɪ/

They called her a bitch,

/ðeɪ/ /hɜːr/

but deep down, they know she's right.

/bʌt/ /diːp/ /daʊn/ /ðeɪ/ /noʊ/ /raɪt/

And they're about to walk through that door,

/ænd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wɔːk/ /θruː/ /ðæt/ /dɔːr/

where we will be waiting

/wɛr/ /wiː/ /wɪl/ /biː/

with some light beer and some rock hard approval.

/wɪð/ /sʌm/ /laɪt/ /bɪər/ /ænd/ /sʌm/ /hɑːrd/

Wh-what u-up?

Yeah. You don't want to bail early, man.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /mæn/

You could become The Blitz.

/juː/ /kʊd/ /bɪˈkʌm/

Blitz was a guy we knew in college.

/wɒz/ /ɡaɪ/ /wiː/ /njuː/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

Sadly, he was cursed.

/hiː/ /wɒz/

Well... Well...

/wɛl/ /wɛl/

I'm calling it a little early.

/ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /ɪt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɜːr.li/

Wh... you sure? We got big plans.

/juː/ /ʃʊr/ /wiː/ /bɪɡ/

Yeah. Remember how last week we fired up a sandwich,

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /haʊ/ /læst/ /wiːk/ /wiː/ /faɪərd/ /ʌp/ /ˈsænwɪtʃ/

and we listened to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon

/ænd/ /wiː/ /dɑːrk/ /saɪd/

while watching The Wizard of Oz?

/waɪl/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

Well, tonight,

/wɛl/ /təˈnaɪt/

we're doing the same thing,

/seɪm/ /θɪŋ/

only with "Weird Al" Yankovic's Greatest Hits

/ˈoʊnli/ /wɪð/

and Apocalypse Now.

/ænd/ /naʊ/

We'll see what happens.

/siː/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənz/

Nah, it's Kraft/Croft night: mac and cheese and Tomb Raider.

/naɪt/ /ænd/ /tʃiːz/ /ænd/

Biz-zow!

You see, every time Blitz left a place,

/juː/ /siː/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /lɛft/ /pleɪs/

something amazing happened.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/

Oh! I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I thought this was my room.

/θɔːt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /ruːm/

Completely naked! Completely naked!

/kəmˈpliːtli/ /kəmˈpliːtli/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

And the movie was awesome.

/ænd/ /ˈmuːvi/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

At the exact moment Brando first appeared,

/ˈmoʊmənt/ /fɜːrst/

"Weird Al" launched right into "Eat It."

/raɪt/ /iːt/ /ɪt/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

And over the years,

/ænd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

"The Curse of The Blitz" continued.

Well, I'm gonna call it.

/wɛl/ /kɔːl/ /ɪt/

I just got Madden 2K1, and I can't stop thinking about it.

/dʒʌst/ /ænd/ /stɒp/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

See you later! Bye-bye!

/siː/ /juː/ /ˈleɪtər/

All right, bye-bye! Okay, later!

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ˈleɪtər/

Good-bye! Bye-Bye!

Tap's broke! Can't turn 'em off!

/tɜːrn/ /ɒf/

Free beer for everyone!

/friː/ /bɪər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

Free beer for everyone!

/friː/ /bɪər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

Free beer for everyone!

/friː/ /bɪər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

You know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Ted, go ahead-- leave early to do something lame.

/ɡoʊ/ /liːv/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Just don't blame us if you become... The Blitz.

/dʒʌst/ /bleɪm/ /ʌs/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /bɪˈkʌm/

All right, first of all...

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /fɜːrst/ /ɔːl/

there's nothing lame about brining a Turturkeykey,

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

copyright pending. And secondly,

/ˈkɒpiraɪt/ /ænd/

I don't believe "The Curse of The Blitz" is real.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ɪz/ /riːl/

Kids, I'd live to regret those words.

/kɪdz/ /lɪv/ /rɪˈɡrɛt/ /ðoʊz/ /wɜːrdz/

You see, the "Curse of Blitz" could be passed

/juː/ /siː/ /kʊd/ /biː/

from one person to the next, at any moment.

/ˈpɜːrsən/ /nɛkst/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

Blitz had gotten the curse from Jerry Windheim,

/hæd/

back in freshman year, who got it years before that

/bæk/ /ˈfrɛʃmən/ /jɪr/ /huː/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ðæt/

from Davey Beaterman.

The original Blitz, Matt Blitz,

/əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/

was a guy who went to Wesleyan back in the '60s.

/wɒz/ /ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /wɛnt/ /bæk/

He dropped out right before the school went co-ed.

/hiː/ /aʊt/ /raɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /skuːl/ /wɛnt/

And then, Thanksgiving morning...

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

What the hell happened here?

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /hɪr/

Hey! Morning, Blitz!

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

No, no! Let's get one thing straight, okay?

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /θɪŋ/ /streɪt/

I am not The Blitz.

* My Blitzy lies over the ocean * * My Blitzy lies over the ocean *

/maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

* My Blitzy lies over the sea * * My Blitzy lies over the sea *

/maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /siː/ /maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /siː/

* My Blitzy lies over the ocean * * My Blitzy lies over the ocean *

/maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /maɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

* So bring back my Blitzy... * Please stop.

/brɪŋ/ /bæk/ /maɪ/ /pliːz/ /stɒp/

Okay, fine.

/faɪn/

*...To me. * *...To me. *

/miː/ /miː/

The Gentleman!

THE GROUP: The Gentleman! Wait! Wait! Wait!

/ɡruːp/ /weɪt/ /weɪt/ /weɪt/

What's that? What's "The Gentleman"?

/ðæt/

Oh, you had to be there, Blitz. Yes.

/juː/ /hæd/ /biː/ /ðɛr/

I'm not The Blitz!

Zoey? Zoey?

Morning, Blitz!

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

www.addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com

/kɒm/ /kɒm/

Kids, you remember Zoey.

/kɪdz/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

For the last two months,

/fɔːr/ /læst/ /tuː/

she'd been making my life hell.

/maɪ/ /laɪf/

Thanks, guys!

/ɡaɪz/

Last night was amazing!

/læst/ /naɪt/ /wɒz/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

The Gentleman!

The Gentle...

/ˈdʒɛntl/

How could you, my best friends in the world,

/haʊ/ /kʊd/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/ /wɜːrld/

hang out with my mortal enemy,

/aʊt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/

then let her sleep in the tub where I clean myself?!

/ðɛn/ /lɛt/ /hɜːr/ /sliːp/ /wɛr/ /kliːn/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

Sorry, Ted. We can explain.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /ɪkˈspleɪn/

After you Blitzed out last night...

/ˈæf.tər/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /læst/ /naɪt/

I'm not The Blitz!

Oh, my God...

/maɪ/

That's Zoey!

That's Ted's enemy.

Which means she's our enemy.

/wɪtʃ/ /aʊər/

Let's take this bitch down.

/teɪk/ /daʊn/

Who's got your back?

/jʊr/ /bæk/

Now let's have dinner!

/naʊ/ /hæv/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

Finish the story, Red.

/ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/ /ˈstɔːri/ /rɛd/

Okay, well, we all started brainstorming

/wɛl/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/

ways to mess with her.

/weɪz/ /mɛs/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

There were a lot of different ideas kicking around.

/ðɛr/ /wɜːr/ /lɒt/ /ˈdɪfrənt/ /əˈraʊnd/

And then I'm just going to leave her there... buck-naked,

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /liːv/ /hɜːr/ /ðɛr/

covered in candle wax, tied to the bed.

/ˈkændəl/ /bɛd/

Barney, I know that Ted doesn't like that girl,

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/

but that's a little extreme.

/bʌt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Wait-- Ted doesn't like that girl?

/weɪt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/

Okay. Wh...?

Well, I got it.

/wɛl/ /ɪt/

You see that silk scarf?

/juː/ /siː/ /ðæt/

I'm going to steal it.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /stiːl/ /ɪt/

Can I... help you?

/kæn/ /hɛlp/ /juː/

My name is Lily Aldrin.

/maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

I'm a friend of Ted Mosby's, so you better...

/frɛnd/ /juː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

You're Lily Aldrin? The painter?!

Well, yeah.

/wɛl/

You're amazing!

/əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

I bought a bunch of your paintings online.

/bɔːt/ /jʊr/ /ˈɒnlaɪn/

That was you?! Yeah.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /juː/

Oh! Thanks!

Look, none of us meant for it to happen, but, well,

/lʊk/ /nʌn/ /ʌs/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpən/ /bʌt/ /wɛl/

we had an awesome night with her.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /naɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

The Gentleman!

And then, the craziest thing happened.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/

I missed a skateboarding dog?

/mɪst/ /dɔːɡ/

Yeah, but that wasn't the crazy part.

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /pɑːrt/

It wasn't?

/ɪt/

Okay, Marshall.

Truth or dare?

/truːθ/

Okay, awesome.

/ˈɔːsəm/

Well, Lily doesn't let me do truths.

/wɛl/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /duː/

So, dare.

Okay.

I dare you to send a picture of your junk

/juː/ /sɛnd/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /jʊr/

to a complete stranger.

/kəmˈpliːt/

Best idea ever!

/bɛst/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Worst idea ever!

/wɜːrst/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ˈɛv.ər/

My junk ended up in some stranger's pocket.

/maɪ/ /ʌp/ /sʌm/

If there phone was on vibrate, I basically dry-humped them.

/ɪf/ /ðɛr/ /foʊn/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /ðɛm/

Yeah. Okay.

Everybody shout out random numbers.

/ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /aʊt/ /ˈnʌmbərz/

Um. 4, 8... Um. 4, 8...

15, 16, 23, 42!

And... send!

/ænd/ /sɛnd/

Wait. Blitz was there, too?

/weɪt/ /wɒz/ /ðɛr/

The Gentleman! The Gentleman!

Oh, I was there for the whole thing.

/wɒz/ /ðɛr/ /fɔːr/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

Something inside me just said

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /miː/ /dʒʌst/ /sɛd/

"Grand Theft Auto" can wait a night.

/θɛft/ /kæn/ /weɪt/ /naɪt/

It was legen--

/ɪt/ /wɒz/

wait for Ted to leave, 'cause he's now The Blitz--

/weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /liːv/ /kɔːz/ /naʊ/

-- dary. Legendary!

I'm not The Blitz!

I'm afraid you are, Ted.

/əˈfreɪd/ /juː/

You see, when you left last night,

/juː/ /siː/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /lɛft/ /læst/ /naɪt/

you changed the course of Blitztory.

/juː/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /kɔːrs/

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Blitz... Blitz...

/vɔɪs/

I'm finally free! I mean, you have no idea

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /friː/ /miːn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

what I've missed all these years:

/wɒt/ /mɪst/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

The university president's toupee

/ˌjuːnɪˈvɜːrsɪti/

being snatched by a hawk at graduation,

/ˌɡrædʒuˈeɪʃən/

Zeppelin reuniting at my cousin Ira's bar mitzvah,

/maɪ/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /bɑːr/

countless nip-slips, crotch shots,

/ʃɒts/

shooting stars and double rainbows.

/ænd/ /ˈdʌbəl/

I've missed them all!

/mɪst/ /ðɛm/ /ɔːl/

Well, not anymore, Blitz.

/wɛl/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

My name's not Blitz.

/maɪ/

My name is Steve!

/maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

Colors seem so bright now.

/siːm/ /braɪt/ /naʊ/

Thank you, Blitz. What? No!

/juː/ /wɒt/ /noʊ/

N- n-n-n-no! N-n-no! I'm not The Blitz!

The only thing I missed last night was my best friends

/ˈoʊnli/ /θɪŋ/ /mɪst/ /læst/ /naɪt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/

stabbing me in the back by hanging out with my worst enemy.

/miː/ /bæk/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /wɜːrst/

Guys!

/ɡaɪz/

I hate Zoey!

/heɪt/

That means you're supposed to hate her, too!

/ðæt/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /heɪt/ /hɜːr/

Th-that's your rule, Lily!

/jʊr/ /ruːl/

I tried.

Tried?!

Lily, do you have any idea

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

how many people I've blindly hated for you?

/haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈheɪtɪd/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

I hated Renée Zellweger with a burning passion

/ˈheɪtɪd/ /wɪð/

for eight years,

/fɔːr/ /eɪt/

only to discover you meant Reese Witherspoon!

/ˈoʊnli/ /dɪˈskʌvər/ /juː/

Hey, I will hate her until I get my money back

/wɪl/ /heɪt/ /hɜːr/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ɡɛt/ /maɪ/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /bæk/

for You, Me and Dupree!

/fɔːr/ /juː/ /miː/ /ænd/

That's Kate Hudson!

Oh, yeah. That's who I hate.

/huː/ /heɪt/

Guys, we hate Kate Hudson.

/ɡaɪz/ /wiː/ /heɪt/

No, we hate Zoey!

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /heɪt/

I'm so furious at you all right now,

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

but it's Thanksgiving, and I have a Turturkeykey to make.

/bʌt/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /meɪk/

And not that I'm The Blitz,

/ænd/ /ðæt/

but could everyone please come with me into the kitchen?

/bʌt/ /kʊd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /pliːz/ /kʌm/ /wɪð/ /miː/ /ˈkɪtʃɪn/

Okay, I'm, uh,

just gonna preheat the oven.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈʌvən/

The oven.

/ˈʌvən/

Hey, Robin,

you should dance on the oven.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /dæns/ /ɒn/ /ˈʌvən/

Make out with Zoey!

/meɪk/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/

Make out with Zoey! Make out...

/meɪk/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /meɪk/ /aʊt/

Did they tell you about the skateboarding dog?

/dɪd/ /ðeɪ/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /dɔːɡ/

It was awesome!

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Great. So not only did you guys betray me,

/ɡreɪt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /miː/

but you broke my oven on Thanksgiving?

/bʌt/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /ˈʌvən/ /ɒn/

Full disclosure.

/fʊl/

We also used all your butter, greasing up Lily

/wiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ɔːl/ /jʊr/ /ˈbʌtər/ /ʌp/

so we could see how far we could slide her down the hall.

/wiː/ /kʊd/ /siː/ /haʊ/ /fɑːr/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /hɜːr/ /daʊn/ /hɔːl/

But if it helps, I reached 4G.

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /ɪt/

It doesn't help. 4G?

/ɪt/ /hɛlp/

No.

/noʊ/

What-What are we supposed to do now?

/wiː/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /duː/ /naʊ/

This is awesome!

/ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

I'm part of this!

/pɑːrt/

Barney, I don't know

/noʊ/

if the oven is deep enough. Plus,

/ɪf/ /ˈʌvən/ /ɪz/ /diːp/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /plʌs/

it's a display made of cardboard.

/dɪˈspleɪ/

Huh. I should probably disconnect the gas.

/ʃʊd/ /ˈprɒbəbli/

Hey, just so you guys know,

/dʒʌst/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /noʊ/

there was a tiny explosion at the sewage treatment plant

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /ˈtaɪni/ /ˈtriːtmənt/

across the street from our apartment,

/əˈkrɒs/ /striːt/ /aʊər/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

but I'm sure it's fine by now.

/bʌt/ /ʃʊr/ /faɪn/ /naʊ/

This is awesome!

/ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

It's not awesome!

/ˈɔːsəm/

I think the smaller turkey just tried

/θɪŋk/ /ˈtɜːrki/ /dʒʌst/

to crawl further inside the bigger turkey.

/ˈtɜːrki/

Um... I'm have...

/hæv/

I'm having trouble breathing!

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈtrʌbəl/

Mom keeps an extra litter box in here.

/mɒm/ /ˈɛkstrə/ /ˈlɪtər/ /bɒks/ /hɪr/

There you go.

/ðɛr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Good as new.

/ɡʊd/ /njuː/

Oh. Hey, Ginger.

Ted, you're not gonna like this,

/laɪk/

but we do have one other option.

/bʌt/ /wiː/ /duː/ /hæv/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Hey, you guys

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/

should come to my house for Thanksgiving.

/ʃʊd/ /kʌm/ /maɪ/ /haʊs/ /fɔːr/

My husband always spends it with his daughter,

/maɪ/ /ˈhʌzbənd/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɪz/ /ˈdɔːtər/

so I'm going to be alone anyway.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /əˈloʊn/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

Could we bring Ted?

/kʊd/ /wiː/ /brɪŋ/

It's Thanksgiving.

What the hell?

/wɒt/

No. Absolutely not.

/noʊ/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/

Come on. Give her a chance.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ɡɪv/ /hɜːr/ /tʃæns/

Ted, you violated a dead turkey

/juː/ /dɛd/ /ˈtɜːrki/

with another dead turkey.

/wɪð/ /əˈnʌðər/ /dɛd/ /ˈtɜːrki/

Don't let that be in vain.

/lɛt/ /ðæt/ /biː/

Guys? Wait a minute.

/ɡaɪz/ /weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

Where's Barney?

And here's the twist, Babaka.

/ænd/

Because Ted left early, he's now The Blitz!

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /lɛft/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /naʊ/

But Barney, now you left the group.

/bʌt/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /lɛft/ /ɡruːp/

Wouldn't that put you in danger of becoming The Blitz yourself?

/ðæt/ /pʊt/ /juː/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

No. I c...

/noʊ/

Because...

/bɪˈkɔːz/

Step on it.

/stɛp/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

You missed it.

/juː/ /mɪst/ /ɪt/

Oh, my goodness.

/maɪ/

Our cab took a wrong turn.

/aʊər/ /kæb/ /tʊk/ /rɒŋ/ /tɜːrn/

We were in the Thanksgiving Day parade!

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /deɪ/

Tony Bennett passed Ted the mike and he sang "Twist and Shout!"

/ænd/ /hiː/ /ænd/

But he's The Blitz.

/bʌt/

No. I'm not The Blitz.

/noʊ/

I'm The Bueller.

You know what this means.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

You're The Blitz.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Blitz... Blitz...

/vɔɪs/

Oh, God, no!

/noʊ/

Life moves pretty fast, Barney.

/laɪf/ /ˈprɪti/ /fæst/

If you don't stop and look around once in a while,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /stɒp/ /ænd/ /lʊk/ /əˈraʊnd/ /wʌns/ /waɪl/

you might miss it.

/juː/ /maɪt/ /mɪs/ /ɪt/

Chicka-chicka! Chicka-chicka!

Happy Thanksgiving!

/ˈhæp.i/

Ted. Ted.

Zoey. Zoey.

Best friend alert!

/bɛst/ /frɛnd/

Okay, the Turturkeykey is officially cooking.

/ɪz/

Oh, God, that is disgusting!

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/

Okay, guys, that's starting to hurt.

/ɡaɪz/ /hɜːrt/

No... no, Ted.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

Random number guy just sent me his wang back.

/ˈnʌmbər/ /ɡaɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /sɛnt/ /miː/ /hɪz/ /bæk/

You sent a wang out, and you got a wang back.

/juː/ /sɛnt/ /aʊt/ /ænd/ /juː/ /bæk/

It's a boom-a-wang.

Nice. Thank you.

/naɪs/ /juː/

No, I meant the wang.

/noʊ/

Barney, could you get me some more ice?

/kʊd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/ /sʌm/ /mɔːr/ /aɪs/

Sure.

/ʃʊr/

But... no one move while I'm gone.

/bʌt/ /noʊ/ /muːv/ /waɪl/ /ɡɔːn/

I'm scared.

/skɛrd/

You're safe.

/seɪf/

It's okay to leave the room.

/liːv/ /ruːm/

You have to actually leave the building

/juː/ /hæv/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /liːv/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

for something cool to happen.

/fɔːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /kuːl/ /ˈhæpən/

Thanks.

You're the only one who's nice to me about this.

/ˈoʊnli/ /naɪs/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Okay, I got to test this.

/tɛst/

What happened?

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

You missed it!

/juː/ /mɪst/ /ɪt/

Dude, you walked out of the room,

/juː/ /aʊt/ /ruːm/

the laws of physics stopped and the laws of awesome tripled.

/ˈfɪzɪks/ /ænd/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Aw, man! You said I could leave the room!

/mæn/ /juː/ /sɛd/ /kʊd/ /liːv/ /ruːm/

I just wanted to see something cool happen.

/dʒʌst/ /siː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /kuːl/ /ˈhæpən/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

But I was on that island for what seems like eternity.

/bʌt/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /ˈaɪlənd/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/ /laɪk/

I'm going to enjoy things on the other side.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /θɪŋz/ /ɒn/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /saɪd/

No! Y-You...

/noʊ/

Robin, Robin. Robin, Robin.

I will pay you to be The Blitz.

/wɪl/ /peɪ/ /juː/ /biː/

$100! No-- $10,000.

/noʊ/

No-- 60 bucks.

/noʊ/

That's a lot of money for someone like you.

/lɒt/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /laɪk/ /juː/

Dude, The Blitz isn't something that can be bought or sold.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /kæn/ /biː/ /bɔːt/ /soʊld/

Yeah, it's not like Ted's integrity.

/laɪk/

Oh, what was that?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/

I was distracted by the four-caret diamond

/wɒz/

your 53-year-old husband bought you.

/jʊr/ /ˈhʌzbənd/ /bɔːt/ /juː/

Facial!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

/naʊ/ /ɪf/ /ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

I have a turturkeykey to baste.

/hæv/

I'm coming with you.

/wɪð/ /juː/

No... I baste alone.

/noʊ/ /əˈloʊn/

Oh, I'm sure you're a master baster, Ted.

/ʃʊr/ /ˈmæstər/

Word play. Loving it.

/wɜːrd/ /pleɪ/ /ˈlʌvɪŋ/ /ɪt/

But relax.

/bʌt/ /rɪˈlæks/

I've got a ton of sides

to heat up since my plans fell through.

/ʌp/ /sɪns/ /maɪ/ /θruː/

Who canceled? Your coven?

/huː/ /jʊr/

Coven. Group of witches. Boom.

/ɡruːp/

Yeah. They were worn out from putting that spell on your hair.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /aʊt/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /hɛr/

Oh! Serve returned.

/sɜːrv/

Are you happy?

/juː/ /ˈhæp.i/

You're ruining Thanksgiving.

Well, you're not exactly who I thought

/wɛl/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /huː/ /θɔːt/

I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either.

/biː/ /wɪð/ /ˈiː.ðər/

God, I'm so happy to be here.

/ˈhæp.i/ /biː/ /hɪr/

My face hurts from smiling.

/maɪ/ /feɪs/ /hɜːrts/

Oh... I'm sorry, Lily.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I'm just never going to like that woman.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

Ted, give her a chance.

/ɡɪv/ /hɜːr/ /tʃæns/

Enemies can't become friends.

/bɪˈkʌm/ /frɛndz/

Yes, they can.

/ðeɪ/ /kæn/

Right, guys?

/raɪt/ /ɡaɪz/

No, no, no. You guys can't be objective.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /biː/

You still feel guilty about last night.

/juː/ /fiːl/ /ˈɡɪlti/ /əˈbaʊt/ /læst/ /naɪt/

Well, let's get an outside opinion.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛt/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

Who are we gonna--

/huː/ /wiː/

"Dear Wang Guy..." Oh.

/dɪər/ /ɡaɪ/

"Can enemies ever be friends?

/kæn/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /biː/ /frɛndz/

Just wondering."

/dʒʌst/

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Wang Guy? We're asking Wang Guy?

/ɡaɪ/ /ɡaɪ/

He's bold and uninhibited,

/ænd/

so why not?

/waɪ/

And guys, you know what? For fun, why don't we ask him

/ænd/ /ɡaɪz/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /fɔːr/ /fʌn/ /waɪ/ /wiː/ /æsk/ /hɪm/

what he does for a living?

/wɒt/ /hiː/ /dʌz/ /fɔːr/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/

Wouldn't that be fun?

/ðæt/ /biː/ /fʌn/

Just ask... Aww.

/dʒʌst/ /æsk/ /ɔː/

You've got a little crush on Wang Guy, don't you?

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɒn/ /ɡaɪ/ /juː/

What? No. Shut up.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/ /ʃʌt/ /ʌp/

I hate him.

/heɪt/ /hɪm/

Oh, look.

/lʊk/

We got an answer. Here it is.

/wiː/ /ˈæn.sər/ /hɪr/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

"Yes, enemies can become friends.

/kæn/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /frɛndz/

"Remember what Gandhi said.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /wɒt/ /sɛd/

'Be the change you want to see in the world.'"

/biː/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /siː/ /wɜːrld/

Uh, did Wang Guy just quote Gandhi?

/dɪd/ /ɡaɪ/ /dʒʌst/

That is amazing.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

And I was here for it.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Now Zoey is The Blitz. Ha, ha!

/naʊ/ /ɪz/

Burn on her.

/bɜːrn/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/

Come on, man.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /mæn/

Don't be that Blitz.

/biː/ /ðæt/

I'm not any Blitz!

/ˈɛn.i/

You're The Blitz!

You're all The Blitz!

/ɔːl/

I slept with that cute Indian girl who cuts my hair!

/slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /kjuːt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /huː/ /maɪ/ /hɛr/

What does that have to do with anything?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /hæv/ /duː/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Nothing! I just forgot

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /fərˈɡɒt/

to brag about it before!

/əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

Guys, despite the wit and wisdom of Wang Guy,

/ɡaɪz/ /ænd/ /ɡaɪ/

Zoey and I are never going to be friends.

/ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /frɛndz/

We're just here for her oven and that's it.

/dʒʌst/ /hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /ˈʌvən/ /ænd/ /ɪt/

Whoa! Oh, my God!

/maɪ/

Did you do that on purpose?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/

What? No. It was an accident.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

Oh, yeah. Well, like this is.

/wɛl/ /laɪk/ /ɪz/

Oh, great. Real mature.

/ɡreɪt/ /riːl/

Yeah, well, you started it.

/wɛl/ /juː/ /ɪt/

Just stop it!

/dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

God, can't you two just stop fighting for one day?

/juː/ /tuː/ /dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /fɔːr/ /deɪ/

Like, when the Roadrunner and the Coyote

/laɪk/ /wɛn/ /ænd/

clocked out and had a beer together?

/aʊt/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /bɪər/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Or-Or-Or Tom and Jerry shared a cup of coffee.

/ænd/ /kʌp/ /ˈkɔː.fi/

Lily, those are cartoon characters,

/ðoʊz/ /kɑːrˈtuːn/

and I'm pretty sure you're making up episodes.

/ænd/ /ˈprɪti/ /ʃʊr/ /ʌp/

And if Zoey is a cartoon character,

/ænd/ /ɪf/ /ɪz/ /kɑːrˈtuːn/

she's Cinderella's evil stepmother!

/ˈiːvəl/

Oh, get out.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/

All of you, out!

/ɔːl/ /juː/ /aʊt/

But it's Thanksgiving.

/bʌt/

And I'm a part of it.

/ænd/ /pɑːrt/ /ɪt/

Out!

/aʊt/

Wait... Where's Barney?

/weɪt/

Hey, guys, the most amazing thing just happened

/ɡaɪz/ /moʊst/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /θɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈhæpənd/

to me in that other roo...

/miː/ /ðæt/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Aw, man. Aw, man.

/mæn/ /mæn/

I don't get it. Why'd she just

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /ʃiː/ /dʒʌst/

kick us out like that?

/kɪk/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

And then the cab driver said

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /kæb/ /sɛd/

the last thing any of us wanted to hear.

/læst/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ʌs/ /hɪr/

Where to?

/wɛr/

I guess we're going home.

/ɡɛs/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hoʊm/

Yeah. I don't know where that is.

/noʊ/ /wɛr/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/

Lily, where'd you get that?

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/

Oh. Oh.

When Zoey booted us,

/wɛn/ /ʌs/

it made me want to steal something of hers again.

/ɪt/ /miː/ /wɒnt/ /stiːl/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈɡɛn/

Apartment full of designer labels, and what do I grab?

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /fʊl/ /ænd/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /ɡræb/

"Happy Turkey Day, Hannah. Love, Zoey."

/ˈhæp.i/ /ˈtɜːrki/ /deɪ/ /lʌv/

I wonder who Hannah is.

/ˈwʌndər/ /huː/ /ɪz/

Hey, you guys should come to my house for Thanksgiving.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ʃʊd/ /kʌm/ /maɪ/ /haʊs/ /fɔːr/

My husband always

/maɪ/ /ˈhʌzbənd/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

spends it with his daughter,

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɪz/ /ˈdɔːtər/

so I'm going to be alone, anyway.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /əˈloʊn/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

Well, you're not exactly who I thought

/wɛl/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /huː/ /θɔːt/

I'd be spending Thanksgiving with, either.

/biː/ /wɪð/ /ˈiː.ðər/

And if Zoey is a cartoon character,

/ænd/ /ɪf/ /ɪz/ /kɑːrˈtuːn/

she's Cinderella's evil stepmother!

/ˈiːvəl/

Get out!

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/

All of you, out!

/ɔːl/ /juː/ /aʊt/

We have to go back to Zoey's.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /bæk/

You gotta throw me some addresses, buddy.

/juː/ /θroʊ/ /miː/ /sʌm/ /ˈbʌdi/

Oh, God.

What are you doing here?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/

Barney let us in.

/lɛt/ /ʌs/

Barney was here?

/wɒz/ /hɪr/

I was walking around half-naked.

/wɒz/ /əˈraʊnd/

Aw, man! Aw, man!

/mæn/ /mæn/

Wait. Which half?

/weɪt/ /wɪtʃ/ /hæf/

Look, I'm sorry your stepdaughter didn't want

/lʊk/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /jʊr/ /wɒnt/

to spend Thanksgiving with you.

/spɛnd/ /wɪð/ /juː/

How do you know that?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

I just do.

/dʒʌst/ /duː/

It must be tough.

/ɪt/ /mʌst/ /biː/

It was the first Thanksgiving Hannah agreed to spend with me,

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /fɜːrst/ /spɛnd/ /wɪð/ /miː/

and then at the last minute, she changed her mind.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /læst/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /ʃiː/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /hɜːr/ /maɪnd/

She hates my guts.

/ʃiː/ /heɪts/ /maɪ/ /ɡʌts/

I get that.

/ɡɛt/ /ðæt/

Uh, you should hang on to this.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɒn/

You can give it to her next year.

/juː/ /kæn/ /ɡɪv/ /ɪt/ /hɜːr/ /nɛkst/ /jɪr/

Yeah... Yeah...

Right.

/raɪt/

Next year.

/nɛkst/ /jɪr/

Hey, you never know.

/juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /noʊ/

People don't stay enemies forever.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /steɪ/ /fərˈɛvər/

And that's the story of how Zoey and I became friends.

/ænd/ /ˈstɔːri/ /haʊ/ /ænd/ /frɛndz/

Cheers.

Cheers.

Before we eat,

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /wiː/ /iːt/

we should take a group picture

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /teɪk/ /ɡruːp/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/

and send it to Wang Guy.

/ænd/ /sɛnd/ /ɪt/ /ɡaɪ/

Ooh. Oh. Great idea.

/ɡreɪt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Okay. Okay.

Here we go.

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

One, two, three.

/tuː/ /θriː/

Ted, that is the best-looking turturkeykey

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

I have ever seen.

/hæv/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you. Let's just hope it tastes

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /hoʊp/ /ɪt/

as good as it looks.

/ɡʊd/ /ɪt/

It didn't.

/ɪt/

It tasted wrong.

/ɪt/ /rɒŋ/

Oops. We forgot to light the candles.

/wiː/ /fərˈɡɒt/ /laɪt/

Oh. Oh, yeah.

And just as Barney looked away,

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /əˈweɪ/

it happened.

/ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/

The Gentleman!

What happened? I saw it!

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /sɔː/ /ɪt/

Aw, come on, Blitz. Now it's just sad.