Season 6 · Tập 7

TED: And so, due to one architectural oversight,

/ænd/

the Toledo Bridge Disaster of 1906

/dɪˈzæstər/

claimed the lives of 75 people.

/ˈpiː.pəl/

Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll,

/naʊ/ /heɪt/ /stɒp/ /waɪl/ /ɒn/ /roʊl/

but happy Halloween, ya crazies!

/bʌt/ /ˈhæp.i/

Hey, Professor Brosby,

/prəˈfɛsər/

you gonna come get beers with us later?

/juː/ /kʌm/ /ɡɛt/ /bɪərz/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /ˈleɪtər/

Nah, I got a thing.

/θɪŋ/

But you kids have fun trick or treating.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /kɪdz/ /hæv/ /fʌn/

This is a treat.

/ɪz/ /triːt/

You're the coolest, Professor Mosby.

/prəˈfɛsər/

Well, hot dog. Well, hot dog.

/wɛl/ /hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/ /wɛl/ /hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/

LILY: Did it hurt?

/dɪd/ /ɪt/ /hɜːrt/

What?

/wɒt/

Getting that kid's nose

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /noʊz/

surgically removed from your ass.

/jʊr/

It's not her nose that's in my ass, Lily, it's her heart.

/hɜːr/ /noʊz/ /maɪ/ /hɜːr/ /hɑːrt/

My class loves me; I-I'm really making

/maɪ/ /klæs/ /lʌvz/ /miː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

an impression on those guys.

/ɒn/ /ðoʊz/ /ɡaɪz/

I'd like to make impression on those guys.

/laɪk/ /meɪk/ /ɒn/ /ðoʊz/ /ɡaɪz/

Man, I love the office Halloween party.

/mæn/ /lʌv/ /ˈɒfɪs/ /ˈpɑːrti/

It is so much sluttier than the office Christmas party.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /mʌtʃ/ /ðæn/ /ˈɒfɪs/ /ˈkrɪsməs/ /ˈpɑːrti/

Though not as freaky

/ðoʊ/

as the office President's Day Rave.

/ˈɒfɪs/ /deɪ/

Or the office Tu B'Shvat Pajama Jammy-Jam.

/ˈɒfɪs/

Hey, guys. Hey, Boss.

/ɡaɪz/ /bɔːs/

Hey, Randy. Uh, you want a beer?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /bɪər/

Oh, no, thank you. I brew my own.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

At the risk of bragging,

/rɪsk/

my Hazelnut Pilsner won fourth prize

/maɪ/ /wʌn/

at the Weehawken Retirement Home

/rɪˈtaɪərmənt/ /hoʊm/

Clam Bake and Wheelchair Maintenance Picnic.

/ænd/

I wouldn't consider any part of that bragging.

/kənˈsɪd.ər/ /ˈɛn.i/ /pɑːrt/ /ðæt/

Hey, it just occurred to me, is your friend--

/ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /miː/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /frɛnd/

what's her name?-- Garbin, Flabin...

/hɜːr/ /neɪm/

Robin? Robin. That's it, yeah.

/ɪt/

Is she gonna be here? Oh, not that I really care.

/ɪz/ /ʃiː/ /biː/ /hɪr/ /ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /kɛr/

Robin has another party to go to.

/hæz/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ɡoʊ/

No! Damn it!

/noʊ/ /ɪt/

I'm leaving.

But she might stop by later.

/bʌt/ /ʃiː/ /maɪt/ /stɒp/ /ˈleɪtər/

I guess I can hang out a little longer.

/ɡɛs/ /kæn/ /aʊt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈlɒŋɡər/

So, anyone going to see the Halloween parade?

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /siː/

NARRATOR: Oh, we were big fans of New York's annual Halloween parade.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /bɪɡ/ /njuː/

I don't mean the one that takes place

/miːn/ /ðæt/ /pleɪs/

Halloween night in the Village.

/naɪt/

I mean the one that takes place the morning of November 1st--

/miːn/ /ðæt/ /pleɪs/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

the Annual Post Halloween Walk of Shame Parade.

/poʊst/ /wɔːk/ /ʃeɪm/

Look at them heading home

/lʊk/ /ðɛm/ /hoʊm/

after their dirty, filthy hookups.

/ˈæf.tər/ /ðɛr/ /ˈdɜːrti/

Looks like that bee got busy.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ˈbɪzi/

Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/ /tɜːrn/ /daʊn/ /bɛd/

Oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees.

/laɪk/ /hæz/ /ˈkʌpəl/

Come on, Marshall. That's a line.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /laɪn/

No, it's because of the... We get it.

/noʊ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wiː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Does it get any better than this?

/dʌz/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/

Uh, yes.

Yes, it does.

/ɪt/ /dʌz/

Crap.

There she is-- Florence Night-In-Bed-With-A-Stranger.

/ðɛr/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/

So, who's the lucky patient?

/ˈlʌki/ /ˈpeɪʃənt/

I don't want to talk about it.

/wɒnt/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Please tell me you're not hooking up

/pliːz/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /ʌp/

with one of your co-anchors again.

/wɪð/ /jʊr/ /əˈɡɛn/

My co-anchor's a woman. Please tell me you are hooking up

/maɪ/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /pliːz/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /juː/ /ʌp/

with one of your co-anchors again.

/wɪð/ /jʊr/ /əˈɡɛn/

NARRATOR: Robin had always believed

/hæd/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

that the key to success

/ðæt/ /kiː/

was intelligence, hard work and professionalism.

/wɒz/ /hɑːrd/ /wɜːrk/ /ænd/

Her new co-anchor Becky had a different philosophy.

/hɜːr/ /njuː/ /hæd/ /ˈdɪfrənt/

Boats! Boats! Boats!

/boʊts/ /boʊts/ /boʊts/

ANNOUNCER: It's the Farhampton Boat Show!

/ˈfɑːrhæmptən/ /boʊt/ /ʃoʊ/

Boats! Boats! Boats!

/boʊts/ /boʊts/ /boʊts/

Remember 5th, 6th and 7th

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ænd/

at the Farhampton Civic Center.

/ˈfɑːrhæmptən/

Boats! Boats! Boats!

/boʊts/ /boʊts/ /boʊts/

Come on down. Come on down.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /daʊn/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /daʊn/

B-B-B-Boats! B-B-B-Boats!

You did a commercial?

/juː/ /dɪd/

Why not?

/waɪ/

You're a journalist!

/ˈdʒɜːnəlɪst/

Don't you want to be taken seriously?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/

No. I'm cute.

/noʊ/ /kjuːt/

Okay, well, if you really think

/wɛl/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/

this is going to help your image.

/ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hɛlp/ /jʊr/

Hi, Becky. Boats, boats, boats!

/boʊts/ /boʊts/ /boʊts/

Robin, a little help here?

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /hɛlp/ /hɪr/

Aw... Oh... Robin, Robin

you gotta not worry so much about being liked.

/juː/ /ˈwʌri/ /mʌtʃ/ /əˈbaʊt/

Oh, easy for you to say.

/ˈiː.zi/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /seɪ/

Everybody loves you at your job.

/ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /lʌvz/ /juː/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/

Mm. That was true of my teaching job.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /truː/ /maɪ/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/ /dʒɒb/

But I was also designing the new headquarters

/bʌt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/ /njuː/

for Goliath National Bank, and well...

/fɔːr/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /bæŋk/ /ænd/ /wɛl/

Ted Mosby, we don't like you!

/wiː/ /laɪk/ /juː/

What do you have to say for yourself,

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /seɪ/ /fɔːr/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

tearing down a beautiful, old building

/daʊn/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /oʊld/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

just to put up a stupid band headquarters?

/dʒʌst/ /pʊt/ /ʌp/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /bænd/

Boo... Boo...

freakin'... freakin'...

hoo. hoo.

Boo freakin' hoo? That's it?

/ɪt/

The Arcadian Arcadian

is an architecturally significant...

/ɪz/ /sɪɡˈnɪfɪkənt/

Architecturally significant?!

/sɪɡˈnɪfɪkənt/

Zoey, you're very pretty.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈprɪti/

Your hair smells great.

/jʊr/ /hɛr/ /ɡreɪt/

Shampoo. You should try it sometime.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /traɪ/ /ɪt/

You don't know the first thing about architecture.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /fɜːrst/ /θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Key Ted Mosby's car.

/kiː/ /kɑːr/

Go on.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/

I'm a professor, okay?

/prəˈfɛsər/

I teach this stuff at one of the best colleges in the country.

/tiːtʃ/ /stʌf/ /bɛst/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

I don't go down to your place of non-employment

/ɡoʊ/ /daʊn/ /jʊr/ /pleɪs/

and lecture you about how your little protest

/ænd/ /ˈlɛktʃər/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

is a misguided waste of time,

/ɪz/ /weɪst/ /taɪm/

except whoops, I just did.

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /dʒʌst/ /dɪd/

Ha-burn.

Oh, good, the eggs are here. Well, I should head up.

/ɡʊd/ /ɛɡz/ /hɪr/ /wɛl/ /ʃʊd/ /hɛd/ /ʌp/

NARRATOR: No, GNB was not popular.

/noʊ/ /wɒz/ /ˈpɒpjʊlər/

That's why every year they produced a feel-good video

/waɪ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /jɪr/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

to improve the bank's image.

/ɪmˈpruːv/

GNB ANNOUNCER: What makes Goliath National Bank

/wɒt/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /bæŋk/

different from other big banks?

/ˈdɪfrənt/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /bɪɡ/

Here at GNB, we care.

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /kɛr/

I care about our precious Earth.

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /aʊər/ /ɜːrθ/

I care about old people.

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /oʊld/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

I care about high-yield offshore investments.

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/

And so does Tugboat here.

/ænd/ /dʌz/ /hɪr/

Isn't that right, Tugboat? Yeah.

/ðæt/ /raɪt/

Okay, get that camera out of my face

/ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈkæmərə/ /aʊt/ /maɪ/ /feɪs/

before I flip you like a cheese omelet.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /tʃiːz/

All you have to do is say

/ɔːl/ /juː/ /hæv/ /duː/ /ɪz/ /seɪ/

"I care about making dreams come true."

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /driːmz/ /kʌm/ /truː/

First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker

/fɜːrst/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /laɪn/ /miː/ /saʊnd/ /laɪk/

and saying it makes me feel like a hooker, so.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/

Everyone is in this video.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ɪz/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Randy's in the video.

/ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

I don't want to brag, but in 29 takes,

/wɒnt/ /bʌt/

I only threw up thrice.

/ˈoʊnli/ /ʌp/

Wait. Randy, did you send the Hermanson contracts downtown?

/weɪt/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /sɛnd/

I did.

/dɪd/

I sent them downtown.

/sɛnt/ /ðɛm/

Why are you saying it like that?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

They never arrived at the downtown office.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /əˈraɪvd/ /ˈɒfɪs/

They...

/ðeɪ/

Well, just to make sure we're on the same page,

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /meɪk/ /ʃʊr/ /ɒn/ /seɪm/

is "send them downtown"

/ɪz/ /sɛnd/ /ðɛm/

not an expression for shredding a document?

/fɔːr/

You shredded them?!

/juː/ /ðɛm/

Yeah. I sent them downtown.

/sɛnt/ /ðɛm/

You know, down into the shredder.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /daʊn/

You-you feed the paper

/fiːd/ /ˈpeɪ.pər/

in a downwards fashion,

so that's where the expression comes from.

/wɛr/

That's not an expression!

That has never been an expression!

/ðæt/ /hæz/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

Okay, I can fix this.

/kæn/ /fɪks/

I am all over this project.

/ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

I'll say this:

/seɪ/

There is no quit in that guy.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /kwɪt/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

You should fire him.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /faɪər/ /hɪm/

Okay, that, that right there.

/ðæt/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

That attitude is exactly why I won't be in your video.

/ðæt/ /ˈætɪtjuːd/ /ɪz/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /waɪ/ /biː/ /jʊr/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Because GNB doesn't care.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /kɛr/

They hand out pink slips like they're hors d'oevres.

/ðeɪ/ /hænd/ /aʊt/ /laɪk/

Just last week, I was talking to Arthur...

/dʒʌst/ /læst/ /wiːk/ /wɒz/

Oh, whoa, you're wearing a green tie now.

/ɡriːn/ /taɪ/ /naʊ/

I'm wearing a green tie.

/ɡriːn/ /taɪ/

GNB treats people like they're disposable,

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /laɪk/

and I will not be a part of that.

/ænd/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /pɑːrt/ /ðæt/

Marshall Eriksen does not fire people, period.

/dʌz/ /faɪər/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

Uh, just want you to know,

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /noʊ/

we are making good progress on this new project.

/wiː/ /ɡʊd/ /ɒn/ /njuː/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

Oh, you gentlemen keep talking,

/juː/ /kiːp/

I will answer that.

/wɪl/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ðæt/

Marshall Eriksen's office.

/ˈɒfɪs/

Yeah, I can get that for you.

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Just a second.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

Uh... bank. The "B" stands for bank.

/bæŋk/ /fɔːr/ /bæŋk/

Okay, Mother, I'll see you tonight.

/ˈmʌð.ər/ /siː/ /juː/ /təˈnaɪt/

Oh, yikes. I'd better get Mr. Messy a napkin.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /ɡɛt/

Period.

Just tell me who you slept with!

/dʒʌst/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /huː/ /juː/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/

Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay?

/wɒnt/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Aha, it's someone we know.

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /wiː/ /noʊ/

If it was some ding dong we didn't know,

/ɪf/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /sʌm/ /wiː/ /noʊ/

you'd just give me his name.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /hɪz/ /neɪm/

Fine. It's Bill Pepper.

/faɪn/ /ˈpɛpər/

Bill Pepper? Bill Pepper?

/ˈpɛpər/ /ˈpɛpər/

Kind of a coincidence there happens

/kaɪnd/ /ðɛr/ /ˈhæpənz/

to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table.

/biː/ /ænd/ /ˈpɛpər/ /hɪr/ /ɒn/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin?

/ˈɛn.i/ /tʃæns/ /juː/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /wɪð/ /fɔːrk/

Oh... Oh...

It's someone we know!

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /wiː/ /noʊ/

So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /riːd/

on the Greek Revival architecture.

/ɒn/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Any questions?

/ˈɛn.i/ /ˈkwɛstʃənz/

Yes. How do you sleep at night?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /sliːp/ /naɪt/

What are you doing here? It was recently made clear to me

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈriːsəntli/ /klɪər/ /miː/

that I don't know the first thing about architecture,

/ðæt/ /noʊ/ /fɜːrst/ /θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

so here I am.

/hɪr/

Very well, then, let's get started.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /wɛl/ /ðɛn/ /ɡɛt/

Some examples of Greek Revival architecture...

/sʌm/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Is The Arcadian Greek Revival?

/ɪz/

No.

/noʊ/

What's The Arcadian?

Oh, it's just this beautiful, old building

/dʒʌst/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /oʊld/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

that Professor Mosby wants to tear down.

/ðæt/ /prəˈfɛsər/ /daʊn/

BETTY: What?! No,

/wɒt/ /noʊ/

Professor Mosby loves old buildings.

/prəˈfɛsər/ /lʌvz/ /oʊld/

He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted?

/hiː/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/

Getting back to Greek Revival...

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /bæk/

I lost them.

/lɒst/ /ðɛm/

Look, you're new at teaching.

/lʊk/ /njuː/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/

In my kindergarten class,

/maɪ/ /ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/ /klæs/

I have had plenty of troublesome students.

/hæv/ /hæd/ /ˈplɛnti/ /ˈstjuːdənts/

Like Johnny Marley...

/laɪk/

Johnny? Johnny?

Johnny! Johnny!

He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell.

/hiː/ /ænd/ /ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɔːl/

But I have a simple method for shutting down troublemakers.

/bʌt/ /hæv/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /ˈmɛθəd/ /fɔːr/ /daʊn/

You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

The one with the really annoying alarm?

/wɪð/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈnɔɪɪŋ/

We're familiar with it.

/fəˈmɪliər/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class...

/wɛl/ /wɛn/ /kɪd/ /laɪk/ /ʌp/ /maɪ/ /klæs/

Shuts them right up. TED: Lily,

/ðɛm/ /raɪt/ /ʌp/

my students are adults, and I treat them that way.

/maɪ/ /ˈstjuːdənts/ /ænd/ /triːt/ /ðɛm/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/

I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /ðɛm/ /mɔːr/ /ænd/ /meɪk/ /ðɛm/ /mɪks/

Problem solved.

/ˈprɒbləm/

Oh, baby, what's wrong?

/ˈbeɪbi/ /rɒŋ/

Something bad happened.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /bæd/ /ˈhæpənd/

Randy, hey, have you seen the...

/hæv/ /juː/

Before you get to that,

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/

regarding the earlier project I was working on...

/ˈɜːrliər/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /wɒz/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ɒn/

Voilà!

That's the Hermanson contract?

/ˈkɒntrækt/

The Hermanson contract?

/ˈkɒntrækt/

Oh, man, this is the Filbert contract.

/mæn/ /ɪz/ /ˈkɒntrækt/

Damn it! No...

/ɪt/ /noʊ/

Anyway, what's your thing?

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /jʊr/ /θɪŋ/

I need the Filbert contract!

/niːd/ /ˈkɒntrækt/

No!!

/noʊ/

Well, I'll do what I can.

/wɛl/ /duː/ /wɒt/ /kæn/

But in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent.

/bʌt/ /maɪ/ /ɪkˈspɪəriəns/ /ɪz/

Sorry, Randy, but...

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/

this just isn't working out.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /aʊt/

Marshall popped his cherry! Oh!

/hɪz/

Come on, Marshall, you have to admit, the guy was a disaster.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ədˈmɪt/ /ɡaɪ/ /wɒz/ /dɪˈzæstər/

I mean, it reflected badly on the company.

/miːn/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈkʌmpəni/

He was an embarrassment.

/hiː/ /wɒz/

A huge embarrassment.

/hjuːdʒ/

You slept with Randy!

/juː/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/

What?!

/wɒt/

Why, it's elementary, my dear Scherbatson.

/waɪ/ /maɪ/ /dɪər/

LILY: Your co-host is getting super-popular

/jʊr/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

because of her stupid commercial,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /hɜːr/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/

"Boats! Boats! Boats!"

/boʊts/ /boʊts/ /boʊts/

So, when you arrived at the GNB party after we left,

/wɛn/ /juː/ /əˈraɪvd/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ˈæf.tər/ /wiː/ /lɛft/

you were feeling vulnerable and drunk.

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ænd/ /drʌŋk/

Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room,

/ðɛn/ /əˈkrɒs/ /ˈkɒnfərəns/ /ruːm/

your eyes met.

/jʊr/ /aɪz/

And as we all remember...

/ænd/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

Randy has a unique condition.

/hæz/ /juːˈniːk/

Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.

/jʊr/ /noʊz/ /ɪz/ /laɪk/

Oh, God, this happens every time I get an erection.

/ˈhæpənz/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /ɡɛt/

I am so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

That's...

...exactly what happened.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

BARNEY: See, Marshall,

/siː/

if getting fired is an execution,

/ɪf/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /faɪərd/ /ɪz/

at least the guy had a last meal.

/liːst/ /ɡaɪ/ /hæd/ /læst/ /miːl/

I promise you,

/ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /juː/

tomorrow you'll feel a lot better.

/təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /fiːl/ /lɒt/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Randy, hey, what's going on?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

I just wanted to say no hard feelings.

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/ /hɑːrd/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

Thank you.

/juː/

So where you headed now?

/wɛr/ /juː/ /ˈhɛdɪd/ /naʊ/

Downtown.

No!!

/noʊ/

It's okay, baby.

/ˈbeɪbi/

It wasn't okay.

/ɪt/

So the next morning...

/nɛkst/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake.

/hɪr/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

I fired Randy yesterday.

/faɪərd/ /ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/

That was a mistake.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

You should have fired him a year ago.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /faɪərd/ /hɪm/ /jɪr/ /əˈɡoʊ/

No, sir, that is what's wrong with this company.

/noʊ/ /sɜːr/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /rɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /ˈkʌmpəni/

How can we say "GNB Cares,"

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /wiː/ /seɪ/ /kɛrz/

and then turn around and treat someone like that?

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ænd/ /triːt/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes,

/miːn/ /ʃʊr/ /hiː/ /fjuː/

but everybody makes mistakes.

/bʌt/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

Like, like Tugboat here.

/laɪk/ /laɪk/ /hɪr/

Aw. I bet you he's made some mistakes.

/bɛt/ /juː/ /sʌm/

And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you?

/ænd/ /juː/ /faɪər/ /dɪd/ /juː/

No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down.

/noʊ/ /hɪm/ /ænd/ /hiː/ /daʊn/

Exactly-- kind of.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /kaɪnd/

Randy doesn't need to be fired.

/niːd/ /biː/ /faɪərd/

He needs to be fixed.

/hiː/ /biː/

Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I...

/wiː/ /duː/ /sʌm/ /ˈprɪti/ /bæd/ /θɪŋz/ /əˈraʊnd/ /hɪr/ /bʌt/

No, sir, I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone

/noʊ/ /sɜːr/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

when they screw up, we should... we should help them.

/wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /skruː/ /ʌp/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hɛlp/ /ðɛm/

We should nurture them.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ðɛm/

Oh... Oh...

I changed the ice pack on his crotch

/tʃeɪndʒd/ /aɪs/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/

every hour for three days.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /fɔːr/ /θriː/

Wow, Eriksen, if you want to un-fire Randy, I support you,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /səˈpɔːrt/ /juː/

because to come in here and say what you just said,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /kʌm/ /hɪr/ /ænd/ /seɪ/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /sɛd/

well, you've got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't.

/wɛl/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /θɪŋz/ /ðæt/

Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay?

/ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/ /mɪks/

A piece of New York history is being torn down,

/piːs/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈhɪstəri/ /ɪz/ /daʊn/

and all you could say was "Boo freakin' hoo"?

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /seɪ/ /wɒz/

Boo... freakin'... Boo... freakin'...

I may have mentioned our conversation

/meɪ/ /hæv/ /aʊər/ /ˌkɒn.vərˈseɪ.ʃən/

over a session of hacky sack.

/ˈoʊ.vər/

The one day I miss the sack circle,

/deɪ/ /mɪs/

you guys sub her in?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /hɜːr/

Why'd you miss?

/juː/ /mɪs/

Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty?

/ˈbɪzi/ /daʊn/

No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed.

/noʊ/ /wɒz/ /hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/ /ˈkɒstjuːm/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /ɔːl/

They were all turning against me,

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /ɔːl/ /əˈɡɛnst/ /miː/

so I figured, what the hell.

/wɒt/

And did it work?

/ænd/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /wɜːrk/

Like gangbusters.

/laɪk/

We're buddies again.

/əˈɡɛn/

After class, we hacked a little sack

/ˈæf.tər/ /klæs/ /wiː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD.

/maɪ/

And no, none of them had heard the Pixies B-side.

/ænd/ /noʊ/ /nʌn/ /ðɛm/ /hæd/ /hɜːrd/

Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /nʌn/ /ðɛm/ /hæd/ /hɜːrd/

Or a B-side. Hay B-side.

/heɪ/

Hey, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

Uh-oh. I know that smile.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /smaɪl/

Lily, there's no easy way to say this.

/noʊ/ /ˈiː.zi/ /weɪ/ /seɪ/

Marshall's dead.

/dɛd/

Randy murdered him.

/hɪm/

No. I know why Randy is smiling.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/ /ɪz/

You're smiling because of Robin.

/bɪˈkɔːz/

Robin? Like how I think about her when I'm in the shower?

/laɪk/ /haʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɜːr/ /wɛn/ /ˈʃaʊər/

I'm trying to eat here, buddy.

/iːt/ /hɪr/ /ˈbʌdi/

No. Because you slept with her on Halloween.

/noʊ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /ɒn/

What? No.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/

I went home, had a shower an-and went to bed.

/wɛnt/ /hoʊm/ /hæd/ /ˈʃaʊər/ /wɛnt/ /bɛd/

You didn't sleep with her?

/juː/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

No.

/noʊ/

Even in the shower,

/ˈiːvən/ /ˈʃaʊər/

the farthest we ever get is hugging.

/wiː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪz/

So why are you smiling?

/waɪ/ /juː/

I'll tell you why.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /waɪ/

This just isn't working out.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /aʊt/

RANDY: I'm fired. Great.

/faɪərd/ /ɡreɪt/

This is the candle kiosk at the mall all over again.

/ɪz/ /ˈkændəl/ /mɔːl/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /əˈɡɛn/

Wait a minute.

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

I can get a severance check.

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /tʃɛk/

If I don't shred it,

/ɪf/ /ɪt/

I can use that money to start my own brewery.

/kæn/ /juːz/ /ðæt/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /stɑːrt/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

Imagine a beer with my name on it.

/ɪˈmædʒ.ɪn/ /bɪər/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

Randy Wharmpiss, this is the best day of your life.

/ɪz/ /bɛst/ /deɪ/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

Thanks to that severance check,

/ðæt/ /tʃɛk/

this time next year, you'll all be enjoying

/taɪm/ /nɛkst/ /jɪr/ /ɔːl/ /biː/

a frothy mug of Wharmpiss.

MARSHALL: Randy, great news!

/ɡreɪt/ /njuːz/

You're not fired!

/faɪərd/

: No...!

/noʊ/

Good morning, everybody...

/ɡʊd/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

Where's my class?

/maɪ/ /klæs/

Hello, Professor.

/prəˈfɛsər/

Ha-boom. Ha-boom.

I got you your job back, Randy.

/juː/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/ /bæk/

I thought that you'd be happy.

/θɔːt/ /ðæt/ /biː/ /ˈhæp.i/

But I don't belong here.

/bʌt/ /hɪr/

I'm born to be a brewer! A... a hopsmeister!

/bɔːrn/ /biː/

Well, then quit. No one's stopping you.

/wɛl/ /ðɛn/ /kwɪt/ /noʊ/ /juː/

I-I can't. I need my severance check.

/niːd/ /maɪ/ /tʃɛk/

Well, I'm sorry Randy, but that's called fraud.

/wɛl/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/

It's not fraud.

I'm just asking you to get me

/dʒʌst/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/

a lot of money to not work here

/lɒt/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /wɜːrk/ /hɪr/

and not tell anyone about it.

/ænd/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Even if I wanted to fire you, after my talk with Arthur...

/ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/ /faɪər/ /juː/ /ˈæf.tər/ /maɪ/ /tɔːk/ /wɪð/

Oh, come on, Arthur can't remember that.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/

Marshall, what a memorable talk we had yesterday.

/wɒt/ /tɔːk/ /wiː/ /hæd/ /ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/

Randy, on behalf of everyone at GNB, both in and out of prison,

/ɒn/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /boʊθ/ /ænd/ /aʊt/ /ˈprɪzən/

we're sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

And I want to assure you

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /juː/

you will never be fired again.

/juː/ /wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /faɪərd/ /əˈɡɛn/

You're going to work here until you die, huh?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɜːrk/ /hɪr/ /ənˈtɪl/ /juː/ /daɪ/

Huh?

Green tie?

/ɡriːn/ /taɪ/

Nice choice.

/naɪs/ /tʃɔɪs/

Thanks. It brings out my eyes.

/ɪt/ /brɪŋz/ /aʊt/ /maɪ/ /aɪz/

Yeah. I'll bring out your eyes.

/brɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/

Listen, Randy, I'm sorry,

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /ˈsɒr.i/

but I broke my own moral code once

/bʌt/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/ /koʊd/ /wʌns/

and I felt evil.

/ænd/ /fɛlt/ /ˈiːvəl/

I will not let GNB change me.

/wɪl/ /lɛt/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /miː/

I will never fire anyone again ever.

/wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /faɪər/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /əˈɡɛn/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Oh, we'll see about that.

/siː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/

Anyhoo, while I got you--

/waɪl/ /juː/

big smile.

/bɪɡ/ /smaɪl/

"We care about making dreams come true,"

/wiː/ /kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /driːmz/ /kʌm/ /truː/

in three, two... trong 3, 2...

/θriː/ /tuː/

No!

/noʊ/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Oh, are you unhappy with my performance?

/juː/ /ʌnˈhæpi/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /pəˈfɔːməns/

Well, I guess I'm fired, then. I'd better turn in my I.D.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /faɪərd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /tɜːrn/ /maɪ/

No, it's actually, um, nice

/noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /naɪs/

having some of this clutter off my desk.

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /sʌm/ /ɒf/ /maɪ/ /dɛsk/

So thank you, Randy.

/juː/

And there's more.

/ænd/ /mɔːr/

I don't know what I'm going to use this for,

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /juːz/ /fɔːr/

but it's great stuff.

/bʌt/ /ɡreɪt/ /stʌf/

Now am I fired?

/naʊ/ /faɪərd/

I've been meaning to clean out that file cabinet for ages.

/ˈmiː.nɪŋ/ /kliːn/ /aʊt/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/

I'm not even here.

/ˈiːvən/ /hɪr/

Randy, the coffee.

/ˈkɔː.fi/

Oh! Okay.

Okay.

Thank you, Randy.

/juː/

I've been meaning to cut back on my caffeine.

/ˈmiː.nɪŋ/ /kʌt/ /bæk/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/

Here, try this, but really go for it.

/hɪr/ /traɪ/ /bʌt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Remember, this guy ruined your life.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ɡaɪ/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

That's just the pick-me-up I needed.

/dʒʌst/

Speaking of pickups, can we try the first one again?

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/ /kæn/ /wiː/ /traɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /əˈɡɛn/

Hello.

It didn't work. They hate me.

/ɪt/ /wɜːrk/ /ðeɪ/ /heɪt/ /miː/

How do I get them to like me again?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/ /ðɛm/ /laɪk/ /miː/ /əˈɡɛn/

You don't.

/juː/

Ted, you're their teacher.

/ðɛr/ /ˈtiː.tʃər/

The only people that like their teachers...

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ðæt/ /laɪk/ /ðɛr/

I like my teachers.

/laɪk/ /maɪ/

...are dorks.

Except for you, Miles.

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /maɪlz/

Ted, you just have to learn to embrace their hatred.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /lɜːrn/ /ðɛr/

Because behind that hatred lies fear.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /ðæt/ /fɪər/

And you can use

/ænd/ /juː/ /kæn/ /juːz/

use that fear, like I did with Johnny Marley.

/juːz/ /ðæt/ /fɪər/ /laɪk/ /dɪd/ /wɪð/

Was there more to that story?

/wɒz/ /ðɛr/ /mɔːr/ /ðæt/ /ˈstɔːri/

A little bit.

/ˈlɪt.əl/

Lily, you're a psychopath.

A little bit.

/ˈlɪt.əl/

Oh, a panda!

I thought about Lily's advice.

/θɔːt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ədˈvaɪs/

And I figured fear was worth a try.

/ænd/ /fɪər/ /wɒz/ /wɜːrθ/ /traɪ/

Well, Professor Mosby,

/wɛl/ /prəˈfɛsər/

is there anything you want to say to us?

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /seɪ/ /ʌs/

Anyone not in class tomorrow gets an "F."

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /klæs/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ɡɛts/

You said that?

/juː/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/

Well, technically, they'd get an incomplete,

/wɛl/ /ɡɛt/

but I thought "F" had a nice, scary ring to it.

/bʌt/ /θɔːt/ /hæd/ /naɪs/ /ˈskɛri/ /rɪŋ/ /ɪt/

Right? Yeah.

/raɪt/

Hey, guys. Hey.

/ɡaɪz/

Robin, who'd you sleep with?

/juː/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/

I told you-- Randy.

/toʊld/ /juː/

He was a machine.

/hiː/ /wɒz/ /məˈʃiːn/

Where's the poop, Robin?

Fine. I didn't sleep with anyone.

/faɪn/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

The thing is, ever since Becky did that commercial,

/θɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /sɪns/ /dɪd/ /ðæt/

everyone at work loves her.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɜːrk/ /lʌvz/ /hɜːr/

So, the day after Halloween, I was in a commercial.

/deɪ/ /ˈæf.tər/ /wɒz/

What... Why didn't you tell us?

/wɒt/ /waɪ/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /ʌs/

ANNOUNCER: Bladder trouble-- it's embarrassing,

/ˈtrʌbəl/ /ɪmˈbærəsɪŋ/

it's uncomfortable, and it can affect anyone.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /kæn/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

I'm going to the bathroom right now.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈbæθruːm/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Neat and discreet adult diapers

/ænd/ /ˈædʌlt/

for anyone.

/fɔːr/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

Say...

/seɪ/

"Ah..." "Ah..."

Wow! I can't wait to see it.

/weɪt/ /siː/ /ɪt/

Well, hopefully you never will.

/wɛl/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɪl/

They said that they might not even use it.

/ðeɪ/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /ðeɪ/ /maɪt/ /ˈiːvən/ /juːz/ /ɪt/

TED: It ran for seven years.

/ɪt/ /ræn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɛvən/

Okay, you win.

/juː/ /wɪn/

Maybe trashing your office was a mistake.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /jʊr/ /ˈɒfɪs/ /wɒz/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

It's just, uh, as long as I can remember,

/dʒʌst/ /lɔːŋ/ /kæn/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

making beer has been my dream.

/bɪər/ /hæz/ /maɪ/ /driːm/

Wharmpiss? Wharmpiss?

I know it sounds dumb

/noʊ/ /ɪt/

to someone who's already achieved his dream--

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hɪz/ /driːm/

big-time lawyer at a huge corporation.

/ˈlɔːjər/ /hjuːdʒ/

You think working here is my dream?

/juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /hɪr/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /driːm/

Of course.

/kɔːrs/

Anyways, I'll clean this stuff up.

/kliːn/ /stʌf/ /ʌp/

Have someone get that dead squirrel out of your desk.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /dɛd/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /dɛsk/

Randy. Randy.

This is delicious.

/ɪz/ /dɪˈlɪʃəs/

You're fired.

/faɪərd/

Kids, the next morning--

/kɪdz/ /nɛkst/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/