Season 7 · Tập 11

In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received

/fɔːl/ /ænd/

a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents:

/sərˈpraɪzɪŋ/ /ɡɪft/

their house in Long Island.

/ðɛr/ /haʊs/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason.

/ænd/ /sɛl/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /ˈriːzən/

It's Long Island.

/lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island.

/wɒnt/ /spɛnd/ /maɪ/ /ˈsætərdeɪ/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

I know, babe,

/noʊ/ /beɪb/

but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture

/bʌt/ /pleɪs/ /wɪð/ /feɪk/ /ˈfɜːrnɪtʃər/

and she wants us to check it out before the open house.

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /ʌs/ /tʃɛk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /haʊs/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Can we at least do it on the fake bed?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /liːst/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /feɪk/ /bɛd/

I'm embarrassed that you have to ask.

/ɪmˈbærəst/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /hæv/ /æsk/

So, they headed out to Long Island,

/ðeɪ/ /ˈhɛdɪd/ /aʊt/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

and when they walked in the door...

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /dɔːr/

We'll take it!

/teɪk/ /ɪt/

We-We can't take it.

/teɪk/ /ɪt/

We're the ones selling it.

/ɪt/

We are selling it, right?

/wiː/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/

Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /jʊr/ /ɡeɪv/ /juː/ /haʊs/

So, the way I see it, we have five options.

/weɪ/ /siː/ /ɪt/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /faɪv/ /ˈɒpʃənz/

One: sell it.

/sɛl/ /ɪt/

Two: year-round haunted house.

/tuː/ /haʊs/

Three: giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary.

/θriː/ /fɛns/ /əˈraʊnd/

There's already a tire swing in the backyard.

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

Four: we destroy it with sledgehammers.

/wiː/ /ɪt/ /wɪð/

I like four.

/laɪk/

Or five: we move in, raise our children

/faɪv/ /wiː/ /muːv/ /reɪz/ /aʊər/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/

and make this our family home.

/ænd/ /meɪk/ /aʊər/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /hoʊm/

Till they graduate.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈɡrædʒuɪt/

Then we destroy it with sledgehammers.

/ðɛn/ /wiː/ /ɪt/ /wɪð/

As a family.

/ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

No, this is crazy!

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈkreɪzi/

We are New York people.

/wiː/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /lʌv/

You're right.

/raɪt/

But something happened

/bʌt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/

to Lily and Marshall that day.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /deɪ/

Something that happens to all New Yorkers

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənz/ /ɔːl/ /njuː/

who return home from anywhere other than New York.

/huː/ /rɪˈtɜːrn/ /hoʊm/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ðæn/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Their big, lovely apartment...

/ðɛr/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈlʌvli/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Huh. That's weird.

...shrank.

Okay, after Thanksgiving, I'm cutting out carbs.

/ˈæf.tər/ /aʊt/

Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney.

/naʊ/ /kɪdz/ /ɪt/ /hæd/ /rʌf/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /fɔːr/

First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin,

/fɜːrst/ /hiː/ /ˈtʃiːtɪd/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/ /wɪð/

then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin,

/ðɛn/ /hiː/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /hɪz/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/ /fɔːr/

then Robin chose Kevin over him.

/ðɛn/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪm/

So he was kind of in a bad place.

/hiː/ /wɒz/ /kaɪnd/ /bæd/ /pleɪs/

Hey.

You all right?

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Why wouldn't I be all right?

/waɪ/ /biː/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Barney's single again!

/ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /əˈɡɛn/

It's what America's been clamoring for.

/wɒt/ /fɔːr/

You just went through a break-up.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /wɛnt/ /θruː/

That's usually when people do something crazy.

/ˈjuː.ʒu.ə.li/ /wɛn/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ɡɜːrl/ /hæv/ /kʌt/

and be dating you by now.

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /juː/ /naʊ/

Just promise me you won't do something crazy.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /miː/ /juː/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

I promise I won't do something crazy.

/ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Don't worry, he's gonna do something crazy.

/ˈwʌri/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

In fact, I think I'm done with girls.

/fækt/ /θɪŋk/ /dʌn/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrlz/

I'm not sure I even like them anymore.

/ʃʊr/ /ˈiːvən/ /laɪk/ /ðɛm/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Based on all the stuff you've done to them over the years,

/ɒn/ /ɔːl/ /stʌf/ /dʌn/ /ðɛm/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

I'm not sure you ever liked them.

/ʃʊr/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ðɛm/

I'm serious.

/ˈsɪəriəs/

Come on, you love girls.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /juː/ /lʌv/ /ɡɜːrlz/

If anyone should be done with girls, it's me.

/ɪf/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /dʌn/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /miː/

Look at the year I've had.

/lʊk/ /jɪr/ /hæd/

Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty Pumpkin.

/ˈpʌmpkɪn/

Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy.

/naʊ/ /ˈwʌrid/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

I'm not gonna do something crazy.

/duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

And yes, I'm gonna do something crazy, too.

/ænd/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

But girls, man.

/bʌt/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /mæn/

Girls.

/ɡɜːrlz/

- You know what would kick ass? - Being gay?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /wʊd/ /kɪk/

Being gay would kick ass!

/wʊd/ /kɪk/

Word. Guys understand each other.

/wɜːrd/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Imagine a relationship where,

/ɪˈmædʒ.ɪn/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ /wɛr/

instead of talking about feelings all the time,

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

you just play some Madden, eat a pizza,

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /pleɪ/ /sʌm/ /iːt/

give each other a happy, roll over

/ɡɪv/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈhæp.i/ /roʊl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

and have some cuddle-free shut-eye.

/ænd/ /hæv/ /sʌm/

Bro, for what it's worth,

/broʊ/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/ /wɜːrθ/

if we were both gay, you'd be my first call.

/ɪf/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /boʊθ/ /biː/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /kɔːl/

Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /maɪnd/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /ænd/ /hɪm/ /ðæt/

'Cause he thinks...

/kɔːz/ /hiː/

No, this is only in a scenario

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/

where just you and I are gay, not Marshall.

/wɛr/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/ /ænd/

But if all three of us were gay,

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /ɔːl/ /θriː/ /ʌs/ /wɜːr/

you'd pick me over Marshall, right?

/pɪk/ /miː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /raɪt/

If all three of us were gay?

/ɪf/ /ɔːl/ /θriː/ /ʌs/ /wɜːr/

Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun.

/ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/ /wiː/ /wʊd/ /ɔːl/ /θriː/ /ʌs/ /hæv/ /sʌm/ /fʌn/

Damn right we would.

/raɪt/ /wiː/ /wʊd/

We're not gay.

Nope. Stuck with girls.

/stʌk/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrlz/

I wish men could have children

/wɪʃ/ /mɛn/ /kʊd/ /hæv/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/

on their own, like sea horses.

/ɒn/ /ðɛr/ /oʊn/ /laɪk/ /siː/

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

/juː/ /wɒt/ /θɪŋk/

They have a little pouch.

/ðeɪ/ /hæv/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

They should be called sea kangaroos.

/ðeɪ/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /siː/

No, y-you want kids?

/noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /kɪdz/

Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking

/ˈmeɪbi/ /kaɪnd/

about the whole wife and kids thing.

/əˈbaʊt/ /hoʊl/ /waɪf/ /ænd/ /kɪdz/ /θɪŋ/

Just minus the wife.

/dʒʌst/ /waɪf/

You could always go it alone.

/juː/ /kʊd/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɪt/ /əˈloʊn/

Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes.

/laɪk/ /ɒn/

Yeah, but that was the '80s, when you could just swing by

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/

any inner-city playground in your limo

/ˈɛn.i/ /jʊr/

and scoop up some kids. - Mmm.

/ænd/ /ʌp/ /sʌm/ /kɪdz/

- Simpler times. - Hmm.

/taɪmz/

I guess it's better to have someone

/ɡɛs/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /hæv/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

in it with you anyway, you know? Lifetime partnership.

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ˈɛniweɪ/ /juː/ /noʊ/

The only partnership in my life

/ˈoʊnli/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

that has stood the test of time is this one.

/ðæt/ /hæz/ /tɛst/ /taɪm/ /ɪz/

The sacred bond of man and bro.

/bɒnd/ /mæn/ /ænd/ /broʊ/

Maybe we should start a family together.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /stɑːrt/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Are you kidding?

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

This place is huge.

/pleɪs/ /ɪz/ /hjuːdʒ/

I mean, look, I can dance all crazy in here.

/miːn/ /lʊk/ /kæn/ /dæns/ /ɔːl/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /hɪr/

Oh! Sh...

Listen, um, Robin,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

are you okay with us all

/juː/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /ɔːl/

doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow?

/aʊt/ /iːst/

Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice.

/ɡɛs/ /biː/ /naɪs/

Oh, great!

/ɡreɪt/

And then after Thanksgiving, Lily and I were thinking

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ænd/ /wɜːr/

that we would just stay at the house

/ðæt/ /wiː/ /wʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /steɪ/ /haʊs/

until, you know...

/ənˈtɪl/ /juː/ /noʊ/

we die.

/wiː/ /daɪ/

What?

/wɒt/

No!

/noʊ/

You can't move to Long Island!

/juː/ /muːv/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

But this house is so nice.

/bʌt/ /haʊs/ /ɪz/ /naɪs/

It's big, and it's clean, and if there's cockroaches,

/bɪɡ/ /ænd/ /kliːn/ /ænd/ /ɪf/

they respect us enough to sneak around.

/ðeɪ/ /rɪˈspɛkt/ /ʌs/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /əˈraʊnd/

Listen to yourself.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

This is Pregnancy Brain all over again.

/ɪz/ /breɪn/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /əˈɡɛn/

No, I'm done with Pregnancy Brain.

/noʊ/ /dʌn/ /wɪð/ /breɪn/

I've moved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams.

/ɒn/ /sɛks/ /driːmz/

Officer.

You know. You know.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /noʊ/

I'm-I'm just saying, you're not in the right mind to be making

/dʒʌst/ /raɪt/ /maɪnd/ /biː/

this decision right now.

/dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

You know what? Robin's right.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /raɪt/

We are in no state of mind to make this kind of decision.

/wiː/ /noʊ/ /maɪnd/ /meɪk/ /kaɪnd/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

Thank you. And now you're stepping off the crazy bus.

/juː/ /ænd/ /naʊ/ /ɒf/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /bʌs/

We let the universe decide.

/wiː/ /lɛt/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/ /dɪˈsaɪd/

And now you're back on board.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /bæk/ /ɒn/ /bɔːrd/

You hear that, Universe?

/juː/ /hɪr/ /ðæt/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/

If you send us a sign in the next...

/ɪf/ /juː/ /sɛnd/ /ʌs/ /saɪn/ /nɛkst/

24 hours, then we're moving to Long Island!

/ˈaʊərz/ /ðɛn/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Okay?

Go.

/ɡoʊ/

Hey, guys,

/ɡaɪz/

for the last time, this place is enormous--

/fɔːr/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /pleɪs/ /ɪz/

Oh!

Geez, how many lamps do you have?

/haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/

It's genius!

Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl,

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /əˈweɪ/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/ /ˈmæriɪŋ/ /sʌm/ /ɡɜːrl/

you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro!

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /kɪd/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /bɛst/ /broʊ/

I wouldn't have to choose

/hæv/ /tʃuːz/

between dating and having a family.

/bɪˈtwiːn/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

Hell, I could bring the kids on dates!

/kʊd/ /brɪŋ/ /kɪdz/ /ɒn/ /deɪts/

And a broken home?

/ænd/ /hoʊm/

Um, what's that?

/ðæt/

Our kids will never know,

/aʊər/ /kɪdz/ /wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /noʊ/

'cause we're never gonna split up!

/kɔːz/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /splɪt/ /ʌp/

Why would we?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /wiː/

I mean, sure, when your wife walks in

/miːn/ /ʃʊr/ /wɛn/ /jʊr/ /waɪf/

on you banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce.

/ɒn/ /juː/ /hɒt/ /flaɪt/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/

But when your bro-parent walks in on you

/bʌt/ /wɛn/ /jʊr/ /ɒn/ /juː/

banging a hot flight attendant...

/hɒt/ /flaɪt/

You get five of these bad boys, right up high!

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /faɪv/ /ðiːz/ /bæd/ /bɔɪz/ /raɪt/ /ʌp/ /haɪ/

And you totally join in, right?!

/ænd/ /juː/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /dʒɔɪn/ /raɪt/

Oh, no, there's the line. That's the line.

/noʊ/ /laɪn/ /laɪn/

We found the line. It's good we know where it is.

/wiː/ /laɪn/ /ɡʊd/ /wiː/ /noʊ/ /wɛr/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

Hey, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

- Hey! - Hey.

We have an announcement.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /əˈnaʊnsmənt/

So what you're saying is,

/wɒt/ /ɪz/

if you're meant to move to Long Island,

/ɪf/ /muːv/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

some sign from the universe

/sʌm/ /saɪn/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/

will magically appear at your doorstep?

/wɪl/ /jʊr/

Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door

/naʊ/ /kɪdz/ /θɪŋk/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /nɒk/ /ɒn/ /dɔːr/

at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story...

/ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /bʌt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈstɔːri/

Hi, I'm Clive.

I live upstairs from you.

/lɪv/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /juː/

Is this your sign?

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /saɪn/

I don't know, Clive.

/noʊ/

Is it?

/ɪz/ /ɪt/

Oh, did we leave that outside?

/dɪd/ /wiː/ /liːv/ /ðæt/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island.

/aʊər/ /haʊs/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place.

/bæd/ /pleɪs/

I'd love to turn mine into a duplex.

/lʌv/ /tɜːrn/ /maɪn/

And I'd give you a really good price for it,

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/ /praɪs/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

because I am so rich.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /rɪtʃ/

He did not say that.

/hiː/ /dɪd/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/

His shoes did.

/hɪz/ /ʃuːz/ /dɪd/

Okay, the point is, we got the sign.

/pɔɪnt/ /ɪz/ /wiː/ /saɪn/

We're moving to East Meadow.

/iːst/

Let's get some champagne.

/ɡɛt/ /sʌm/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/

And just like that, Lily and Marshall

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ænd/

were beginning a new chapter in their lives.

/wɜːr/ /njuː/ /ðɛr/

Which meant only one thing for us...

/wɪtʃ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /θɪŋ/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

We're having a baby!

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Bro-parents activate!

- Hey, let's talk baby names! - Barney...

/tɔːk/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Oh, my God! That was my first choice, too.

/maɪ/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /tʃɔɪs/

No, listen. You and I are drunk.

/noʊ/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /juː/ /ænd/ /drʌŋk/

Which means there's a chance that adopting a baby--

/wɪtʃ/ /tʃæns/ /ðæt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

no matter how cute he is in my head

/noʊ/ /ˈmætər/ /haʊ/ /kjuːt/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /hɛd/

with his little cowboy outfit on and he's riding our dog

/wɪð/ /hɪz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɒn/ /ænd/ /aʊər/ /dɔːɡ/

like a horse and we also have a dog,

/laɪk/ /hɔːrs/ /ænd/ /wiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /hæv/ /dɔːɡ/

purebred Golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue--

/bʌt/

might not be a good idea.

/maɪt/ /biː/ /ɡʊd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

You're right.

/raɪt/

So let's go home, take some aspirin,

/ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/ /teɪk/ /sʌm/

drink lots of water,

/drɪŋk/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /siː/ /ɪf/ /ɡʊd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/

It's still a good idea!

/ɡʊd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

It's totally still a good idea!

/ˈtoʊtəli/ /ɡʊd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

We're having a baby!

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Kids, I cannot stress this enough:

/kɪdz/ /strɛs/ /ɪˈnʌf/

Barney and I were going through a tough time.

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /taɪm/

You're not leaving, and that's final.

/ænd/ /ˈfaɪnəl/

Look what I bought at 4:00 a.m. in New York City.

/lʊk/ /wɒt/ /bɔːt/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈsɪt.i/

A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie,

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈpɒpjʊlər/ /ˈmuːvi/

this genuine Lenny Vintone purse

/ˈdʒɛnjuɪn/

and the number of a man who can get me a kidney.

/ænd/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /mæn/ /huː/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/

Do that on Long Island.

/duː/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us

/lʊk/ /wiː/ /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/

to stay in the city, but this is what we want.

/steɪ/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /bʌt/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /wɒnt/

I mean, you understand, right?

/miːn/ /juː/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /raɪt/

No.

/noʊ/

Here are a few fun facts

/hɪr/ /fjuː/ /fʌn/

about Long Island.

/əˈbaʊt/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Number one: it's Brooklyn's fart trail.

/ˈnʌmbər/

So Barney and I--

/ænd/

and again, going through a tough time,

/ænd/ /əˈɡɛn/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /taɪm/

can't stress that enough--

/strɛs/ /ðæt/ /ɪˈnʌf/

found an adoption agency Web site

/əˈdɒpʃən/ /wɛb/ /saɪt/

and filled out their online application.

/ænd/ /aʊt/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɒnlaɪn/ /ˌæplɪˈkeɪʃən/

Name: Barney Stinson.

/neɪm/

Ted Mosby. Ted Mosby.

Address...

Oh, put my address in Westchester.

/pʊt/ /maɪ/

They'll want to see we'll be

/wɒnt/ /siː/ /biː/

raising this child in a good environment.

/tʃaɪld/ /ɡʊd/ /ɪnˈvaɪrənmənt/

You know, the suburbs.

/juː/ /noʊ/

What? No.

/wɒt/ /noʊ/

- All my guys are here. - Your guys?

/ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /ɡaɪz/ /hɪr/ /jʊr/ /ɡaɪz/

Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /ɡaɪ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

Well, they're all in New York.

/wɛl/ /ɔːl/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

My suit guy, my shoe guy, my ticket guy, my club guy.

/maɪ/ /suːt/ /ɡaɪ/ /maɪ/ /ɡaɪ/ /maɪ/ /ˈtɪkɪt/ /ɡaɪ/ /maɪ/ /klʌb/ /ɡaɪ/

And if I don't have a guy for something,

/ænd/ /ɪf/ /hæv/ /ɡaɪ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

then I have a guy guy to get me a guy.

/ðɛn/ /hæv/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/ /ɡaɪ/

And oddly enough, his name is Guy.

/ænd/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /hɪz/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/ /ɡaɪ/

Okay, fine. How about this?

/faɪn/ /haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/

We stay in the city during the week, then on the weekend,

/wiː/ /steɪ/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /wiːk/ /ðɛn/ /ɒn/ /ˈwiːkɛnd/

country house in the burbs!

/ˈkʌn.tri/ /haʊs/

This is why bro-parenting works!

/ɪz/ /waɪ/ /wɜːrks/

Totally!

/ˈtoʊtəli/

And with your salary plus my salary,

/ænd/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /ˈsæləri/ /plʌs/ /maɪ/ /ˈsæləri/

we can totally afford two places.

/wiː/ /kæn/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /tuː/

Oh.

What? Sao?

/wɒt/

So... uh, you're gonna keep your job?

/kiːp/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/

Robin, this discussion is closed.

/ɪz/ /kloʊzd/

The universe told us to do it, so we're doing it.

/ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/ /toʊld/ /ʌs/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /ɪt/

Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes.

/wɛl/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/ /ɡɛts/ /ɪt/ /rɒŋ/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/

Remember when Marshall was trying to decide between

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /wɛn/ /wɒz/ /dɪˈsaɪd/ /bɪˈtwiːn/

becoming an environmental lawyer and working at a bank?

/ɪnˌvaɪrənˈmɛntəl/ /ˈlɔːjər/ /ænd/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /bæŋk/

That's a funny story.

/ˈfʌn.i/ /ˈstɔːri/

Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB and was

/wɒz/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /hɪz/ /dʒɒb/ /ænd/ /wɒz/

thinking about leaving it all behind,

/əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/

so he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign

/hiː/ /ænd/ /hiː/ /ʃʊd/ /weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /saɪn/

from the universe to tell him what to do.

/ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /wɒt/ /duː/

Then one day...

/ðɛn/ /deɪ/

Of course.

/kɔːrs/

It's so clear.

/klɪər/

It's been right there all along.

/raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /ɔːl/ /əˈlɒŋ/

I have to call Lily.

/hæv/ /kɔːl/

Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /sɜːr/

I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your...

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/ /kæn/ /pliːz/ /jʊr/

- Ernie Hudson? - Yes.

Can I borrow your phone?

/kæn/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/

Who you gonna call?

/huː/ /juː/ /kɔːl/

And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster?

/ænd/ /dɪd/ /bɪˈkʌm/

That firehouse is still for sale.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /fɔːr/

Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that.

/ˈiːvən/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /θruː/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Ernie Hudson is a coward!

/ɪz/

Oh! Oh!

Of course I'm gonna keep my job.

/kɔːrs/ /kiːp/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/

Why wouldn't I keep my job?

/waɪ/ /kiːp/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/

Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing...

/wɛl/ /miːn/ /hoʊl/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/ /θɪŋ/

isn't it more of a hobby?

/ɪt/ /mɔːr/ /ˈhɒbi/

Excuse me?

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

And now we're fighting. You know what?

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Forget I said anything.

/fərˈɡɛt/ /sɛd/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

No! No, no, no. We're having this discussion.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ˈhævɪŋ/

Architecture is my life's work.

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /wɜːrk/

Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know

/waɪ/ /juː/ /kwɪt/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈiːvən/ /noʊ/

what it is you do for a living.

/wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /juː/ /duː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/

"What it is I do for a living?"

/wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /duː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/

I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby can have food

/wɜːrk/ /ˈaʊərz/ /deɪ/ /ðæt/ /aʊər/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /kæn/ /hæv/ /fuːd/

and clothes and a nice house,

/ænd/ /kloʊðz/ /ænd/ /naɪs/ /haʊs/

while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings.

/waɪl/ /juː/ /sɪt/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ˈpɪktʃərz/

That's "what it is I do."

/wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /duː/

You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go to the bar.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /skruː/ /ɡoʊ/ /bɑːr/

Yeah, right, right, 'cause the answer's always

/raɪt/ /raɪt/ /kɔːz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

at the bottom of a bottle!

/ˈbɒtəl/

Wait, wait, wait! Hold it!

/weɪt/ /weɪt/ /weɪt/ /hoʊld/ /ɪt/

Brainstorm. Brainstorm.

Nobody quits their job.

/ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /ðɛr/ /dʒɒb/

We get a nanny.

/wiː/ /ɡɛt/

Dibs on the nanny.

/ɒn/

No. No banging the nanny.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

Ted, please don not dig in on this whole

/pliːz/ /ɒn/ /hoʊl/

no-banging-the-nanny policy.

/ˈpɒlɪsi/

Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies.

/faɪn/ /ɡɛt/ /tuː/

One for banging, one for childcare.

/fɔːr/ /fɔːr/

Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies!

/ɒn/ /boʊθ/

Just think of it, Ted, you and me,

/dʒʌst/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /ænd/ /miː/

living together, with our kid,

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /wɪð/ /aʊər/ /kɪd/

my two hot nannies, our pet cobra...

/maɪ/ /tuː/ /hɒt/ /aʊər/

What?

/wɒt/

A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this.

/kɪd/ /biː/ /pɪl/ /əˈbaʊt/

And we'll have amazing weeklong parties,

/ænd/ /hæv/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around.

/ænd/ /biː/ /ænd/ /ˈlaɪɪŋ/ /əˈraʊnd/

That's when I realized:

/wɛn/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/

adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /wɪð/ /frɛnd/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Adopting a baby with Barney? Freaking nuts.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /wɪð/ /nʌts/

I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney.

/əˈdɒpt/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Why not?

/waɪ/

Because we don't even have one yet

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /hæv/ /jɛt/

and you're already a terrible father.

/ænd/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

Oh, I get it.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

You want one of the nannies.

/juː/ /wɒnt/

Well, you can't have 'em! They're mine!

/wɛl/ /juː/ /hæv/ /maɪn/

So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny.

/dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Except dibs on the third nanny! Good day!

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /ɒn/ /ɡʊd/ /deɪ/

Which brings us to Thanksgiving.

/wɪtʃ/ /brɪŋz/ /ʌs/

Marshall, Lily and Robin were heading out

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /aʊt/

to Long Island early to get ready.

/lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈrɛd.i/

Okay, how is this even possible?!

/haʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈiːvən/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

'Cause how did we even get it in here?!

/kɔːz/ /haʊ/ /dɪd/ /wiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

Okay, I change my mind. I want an epidural.

/tʃeɪndʒ/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/ /wɒnt/

You guys are crazy.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈkreɪzi/

This place is enormous.

/pleɪs/ /ɪz/

I mean, look arou...

/miːn/ /lʊk/

Have you never heard of overhead lighting?!

/hæv/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hɜːrd/

You're right.

/raɪt/

I get it.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

This place is great.

/pleɪs/ /ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/

Um, excuse me. Where is the restroom?

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /wɛr/ /ɪz/

Oh. Right there. Oh, good, great.

/raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /ɡʊd/ /ɡreɪt/

I'm just gonna go in there and...

/dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /ðɛr/ /ænd/

not come out until you promise never to move away!

/kʌm/ /aʊt/ /ənˈtɪl/ /juː/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /muːv/ /əˈweɪ/

It's a good thing we have three bathrooms.

/ɡʊd/ /θɪŋ/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /θriː/

Hey, Barney.

Uh, listen, sorry about the other day

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /deɪ/

when I said you'd be a terrible father.

/wɛn/ /sɛd/ /biː/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

You had no reason to think otherwise.

/juː/ /hæd/ /noʊ/ /ˈriːzən/ /θɪŋk/

Totally understandable. I'm not mad.

/ˈtoʊtəli/ /mæd/

Thanks.

And, uh, let's be honest,

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/

we were both acting a little crazy.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /boʊθ/ /ˈæktɪŋ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈkreɪzi/

I don't think either of us is truly ready

/θɪŋk/ /ˈiː.ðər/ /ʌs/ /ɪz/ /ˈtruːli/ /ˈrɛd.i/

for the responsibility of...

/fɔːr/ /rɪˌspɒnsɪˈbɪlɪti/

Daddy's home.

/hoʊm/

Uh, Barney, uh, where did you get this baby?

/wɛr/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Please.

/pliːz/

Did you adopt it?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /əˈdɒpt/ /ɪt/

Please.

/pliːz/

Do you have a baby guy?

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ɡaɪ/

Did Guy the guy guy get you a baby guy?

/dɪd/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡaɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ɡaɪ/

Ted, we should get going.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere with you.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/ /wɪð/ /juː/

For all I know, I could be

/fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /noʊ/ /kʊd/ /biː/

aiding and abetting a kidnapping.

/ænd/

Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad.

/mæd/

He's just being a wittle loud. He wuvs you! Yes, he does!

/dʒʌst/ /laʊd/ /hiː/ /juː/ /hiː/ /dʌz/

- This is insane! - You'll feel better outside.

/ɪz/ /ɪnˈseɪn/ /fiːl/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

- Come on. - No, I can't.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /noʊ/

Yeah. Na-na-na.

But then we went outside.

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /wiː/ /wɛnt/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/

Oh, my goodness.

/maɪ/

- What a beautiful baby. - Thank you.

/wɒt/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /juː/

By the way, my friend and I, we're not a couple.

/weɪ/ /maɪ/ /frɛnd/ /ænd/ /ˈkʌpəl/

We are two straight guys who are single

/wiː/ /tuː/ /streɪt/ /ɡaɪz/ /huː/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/

and we have a baby. Just so you know.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/ /noʊ/

Look at this sweet girl.

/lʊk/ /swiːt/ /ɡɜːrl/

Hi. I was just telling this first girl,

/wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /fɜːrst/ /ɡɜːrl/

my friend and I, both straight,

/maɪ/ /frɛnd/ /ænd/ /boʊθ/ /streɪt/

both available, and we have a baby.

/boʊθ/ /ænd/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Oh, who is this little angel?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

me and him,

/miː/ /ænd/ /hɪm/

not gay, single, have a baby.

/ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

We should look into having a sign made.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /lʊk/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /saɪn/

Kids, again, we were going through a difficult time.

/kɪdz/ /əˈɡɛn/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /taɪm/

But this part was kind of fun.

/bʌt/ /pɑːrt/ /wɒz/ /kaɪnd/ /fʌn/

Aw...! So cute!

/kjuːt/

This is awesome.

/ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Right?

/raɪt/

Robin, come out and talk to us.

/kʌm/ /aʊt/ /ænd/ /tɔːk/ /ʌs/

I'm not coming out of this bathroom

/aʊt/ /ˈbæθruːm/

until everyone stops acting crazy!

/ənˈtɪl/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ˈæktɪŋ/ /ˈkreɪzi/

No one is being crazy.

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Again, for the purposes of this story...

/əˈɡɛn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈstɔːri/

Ted and I have a baby. Crazy!

/ænd/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈkreɪzi/

What the hell is that?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby.

/ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/ /ˈhʌrɪkeɪn/

Mosby-Stinson. Mosby-Stinson.

You named your baby Hurricane?

/juː/ /neɪmd/ /jʊr/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈhʌrɪkeɪn/

That is...

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

ultimately inconsiderate to the child

/tʃaɪld/

who has to live with that name.

/huː/ /hæz/ /lɪv/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /neɪm/

Okay, how the hell does Barney have a baby?

/haʊ/ /dʌz/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/

No idea. Super confused.

/noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ˈsuːpər/ /kənˈfjuːzd/

I'm finding it best to just sort of go with it.

/ˈfaɪndɪŋ/ /ɪt/ /bɛst/ /dʒʌst/ /sɔːrt/ /ɡoʊ/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

She's super cute, though, right?

/ˈsuːpər/ /kjuːt/ /ðoʊ/ /raɪt/

Wait a minute.

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

Oh, guh! Hurricane dookied in her drawers.

/ˈhʌrɪkeɪn/ /hɜːr/

Ha-ha! Poopy pants!

/pænts/

She needs a new diaper.

/ʃiː/ /njuː/

Right. Where do you keep your diapers?

/raɪt/ /wɛr/ /duː/ /juː/ /kiːp/ /jʊr/

We don't have any.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/

You don't... Wow.

/juː/

Okay. (scoffs) I guess I'll go buy some.

/ɡɛs/ /ɡoʊ/ /baɪ/ /sʌm/

You're gonna be a mom and you don't have any diapers?

/biː/ /mɒm/ /ænd/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/

Lord, watch over that child.

/wɒtʃ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðæt/ /tʃaɪld/

Uh, okay.

Come here, you.

/kʌm/ /hɪr/ /juː/

So, there was talk of a cheese plate?

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /tɔːk/ /tʃiːz/

Hey.

Cheese? Pho mai?

/tʃiːz/

Thanks.

If you don't mind me asking...

/ɪf/ /juː/ /maɪnd/ /miː/

what-what is this all about?

/ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/

I mean, you are one of the most strong, independent,

/miːn/ /juː/ /moʊst/ /strɒŋ/ /ˌɪndɪˈpɛndənt/

non-locking-themselves-in-

a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving people I know.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /noʊ/

Why-why are you so upset about us moving?

/juː/ /ʌpˈsɛt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʌs/

Maybe I just need you guys more than you think.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /dʒʌst/ /niːd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

Is this about more than us moving?

/ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ʌs/

This is good cheese.

/ɪz/ /ɡʊd/ /tʃiːz/

Robin? Robin?

Yeah?

Do you think I should've become a Ghostbuster?

/duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /bɪˈkʌm/

I think you made the right call, buddy.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /raɪt/ /kɔːl/ /ˈbʌdi/

Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby.

/æsk/ /juː/ /wɛr/ /ˈbeɪbi/

But do you have any idea why?

/bʌt/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /waɪ/

Well, a few nights ago, we were talking...

/wɛl/ /fjuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/

you know, "We hate girls, we wish we were gay,"

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wiː/ /heɪt/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /wiː/ /wɪʃ/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/

just guy stuff.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡaɪ/ /stʌf/

And we kind of sort of decided to...

/ænd/ /wiː/ /kaɪnd/ /sɔːrt/

adopt a baby.

/əˈdɒpt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Yeah, that's crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

I know.

/noʊ/

Is it, though?

/ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ðoʊ/

Yes.

I know.

/noʊ/

But is it, though?

/bʌt/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ðoʊ/

Yes.

Well, so what if it's crazy?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /ɪf/ /ˈkreɪzi/

I've been ready to meet someone to start a family with

/ˈrɛd.i/ /miːt/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /stɑːrt/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /wɪð/

for a long time now, and I keep not meeting her.

/fɔːr/ /lɔːŋ/ /taɪm/ /naʊ/ /ænd/ /kiːp/ /ˈmiːtɪŋ/ /hɜːr/

Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight,

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/ /wɜːrld/ /wiː/ /ˈrɛrli/ /faɪt/

and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing,

/ænd/ /wʌns/ /wiː/ /ˈaɪərn/ /aʊt/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

we will be amazing dads.

/wiː/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

Why shouldn't we try this?

/waɪ/ /wiː/ /traɪ/

When's the last time you fed her?

/læst/ /taɪm/ /juː/ /hɜːr/

She had some root beer on the train.

/ʃiː/ /hæd/ /sʌm/ /bɪər/ /ɒn/ /treɪn/

Oh, Ted. And I'm sorry,

/ænd/ /ˈsɒr.i/

but you cannot call a baby Hurricane.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈhʌrɪkeɪn/

Actually, her name is Sadie.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /hɜːr/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

James, what are you doing here?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/

Did Barney not tell you

/dɪd/ /tɛl/ /juː/

that we were coming for Thanksgiving?