Season 9 · Tập 8

I can't believe your mom's not coming to the wedding?

/bɪˈliːv/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Okay, seriously, I-I need to stop crying

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /niːd/ /stɒp/ /ˈkraɪɪŋ/

Does anyone know how to turn this off?

/dʌz/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /tɜːrn/ /ɒf/

Is there, like, a button or something?

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /laɪk/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Want me to feel around for it?

/wɒnt/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /əˈraʊnd/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

It's probably somewhere on your back.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈsʌmwɛr/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /bæk/

Stop it. What? I'm trying to cheer you up.

/stɒp/ /ɪt/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /ʌp/

I don't think that's possible at this point.

/θɪŋk/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/ /pɔɪnt/

Challenge accepted!

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

No, Barney,

/noʊ/

I just need to get myself to stop crying, that's all.

/dʒʌst/ /niːd/ /ɡɛt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /stɒp/ /ˈkraɪɪŋ/ /ɔːl/

Boogity-boo! Boogity-boo!

Lily, what the hell?! It's not the hiccups.

/wɒt/

I was just going on a hunch.

/wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

And now I have the hiccups.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /hæv/

Look, guys, just, seriously, don't worry about me, okay?

/lʊk/ /ɡaɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/ /miː/

Just let me deal with this on my own.

/dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /diːl/ /wɪð/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

I'm afraid that's not possible, Robin.

/əˈfreɪd/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

Once I've accepted a challenge, it cannot be unaccepted.

/wʌns/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/ /ɪt/ /biː/

I will not rest until the job is done.

/wɪl/ /rɛst/ /ənˈtɪl/ /dʒɒb/ /ɪz/ /dʌn/

Oh, is that so?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/

Then where are our diapers and Samosas?

/ðɛn/ /wɛr/ /aʊər/ /ænd/

Diapers and Samosas. Oh, that's about something

/ænd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

that happened six months earlier in the fall of 2012.

/ðæt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /sɪks/ /ˈɜːrliər/ /fɔːl/

Major craving for a mojito.

/ˈmeɪdʒər/ /fɔːr/

Oh, God, we're back

/bæk/

to your stupid little private joke again?

/jʊr/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/ /dʒoʊk/ /əˈɡɛn/

Are you guys really still doing this seven years later?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈsɛvən/ /ˈleɪtər/

It's so annoying. Just stop it.

/əˈnɔɪɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

Private joke again?

/ˈpraɪvɪt/ /dʒoʊk/ /əˈɡɛn/

Are you guys really still doing this seven years later?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈsɛvən/ /ˈleɪtər/

It's so annoying. Just stop it.

/əˈnɔɪɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

You don't salute a private!

/juː/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/

I'll be right back. All right.

/biː/ /raɪt/ /bæk/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Lily, are you playing footsie with me?

/juː/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Oh, no, no. I was just feeling around for your shin.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /əˈraʊnd/ /fɔːr/ /jʊr/

My shin? Why would you...?

/maɪ/ /waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/

Ow! Why'd you do that?

/juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

To remind you what pain is.

/rɪˈmaɪnd/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /peɪn/ /ɪz/

You keep it up with all the cutesy-tootsy stuff with Robin,

/juː/ /kiːp/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /ɔːl/ /stʌf/ /wɪð/

gonna be a whole lot more where that came from.

/biː/ /hoʊl/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/ /wɛr/ /ðæt/

Lily, you have nothing to worry about.

/juː/ /hæv/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/

I better not. You and Robin are platonic.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /juː/ /ænd/

Please. Ted and Robin are not platonic.

/pliːz/ /ænd/

Just like me and Robin are not platonic.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /miː/ /ænd/

Just like no two single people in the world are ever platonic.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /noʊ/ /tuː/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɜːrld/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Symposium: two people are only platonic if

/tuː/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɪf/

in the next 20 minutes

/nɛkst/

there is no chance of them hooking up.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /tʃæns/ /ðɛm/ /ʌp/

Truth is, I only know of one genuinely platonic relationship.

/truːθ/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /noʊ/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

You and me.

/juː/ /ænd/ /miː/

Don't make me laugh, Lily.

/meɪk/ /miː/ /læf/

You want to hit this so hard.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /hɑːrd/

Seriously, she's playing footsies with me as I... Ow!

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

No, I'm talking about Marshall and Robin.

/noʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

Marshall and Robin wouldn't hook up even if this happened:

/ænd/ /ʌp/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/ /ˈhæpənd/

Marshall, Robin! Marshall, Robin!

If you guys don't full-on make out in the next 20 minutes,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /meɪk/ /aʊt/ /nɛkst/

they're gonna blow me up and everyone in this bar!

/miː/ /ʌp/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /bɑːr/

My God, no! Anyone but Robin.

/maɪ/ /noʊ/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /bʌt/

I really don't want to do this!

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /duː/

Guys, we have no time! Just do it!

/ɡaɪz/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/ /taɪm/ /dʒʌst/ /duː/ /ɪt/

I'm sorry, baby, I just, I can't do it.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /dʒʌst/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Aw... Aw...

And the only survivor was me

/ænd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /wɒz/ /miː/

because I was upstairs banging Ted's mom.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒz/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /mɒm/

What? Get that blond girl's phone number?

/wɒt/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /foʊn/ /ˈnʌmbər/

Challenge accepted.

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Unknown caller, stop calling me.

/stɒp/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /miː/

Are you gonna answer it?

/juː/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɪt/

Yeah, 'cause it's 1994

/kɔːz/

and I'm gonna pick up a phone

/ænd/ /pɪk/ /ʌp/ /foʊn/

without knowing who's on the other end.

/wɪˈðaʊt/ /ɒn/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ɛnd/

I should get going.

/ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Ted... Ted...

Lily, by every definition of the word platonic,

/ˈɛv.ri/ /wɜːrd/

including Barney's fake one, I can say

/feɪk/ /kæn/ /seɪ/

with total certainty...

/wɪð/

that Brussels sprouts

/ðæt/

are the comeback vegetable of the 21st century.

/ˈvɛdʒɪtəbəl/

Well, see you guys later.

/wɛl/ /siː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈleɪtər/

Bye.

/baɪ/

Challenge completed.

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

I'm sorry. I-I missed the first half of this.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /mɪst/ /fɜːrst/ /hæf/

Um, why is picking up

/waɪ/ /ɪz/ /ʌp/

a drunk chick sitting alone and rubbing a tan line

/drʌŋk/ /tʃɪk/ /əˈloʊn/ /ænd/ /laɪn/

on her finger where a wedding ring used to be, a challenge?

/ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /wɛr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /rɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Because I said challenge accepted.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /sɛd/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

See? That's your problem, Barney.

/siː/ /jʊr/ /ˈprɒbləm/

You only accept challenges you came up with.

/juː/ /ˈoʊnli/ /əkˈsɛpt/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/

Just once, I'd like to see you accept

/dʒʌst/ /wʌns/ /laɪk/ /siː/ /juː/ /əkˈsɛpt/

someone else's challenge.

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Challenge acc... Wait-- what's the challenge?

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/ /weɪt/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Interesting. An opportunity rife with possibilities.

/ˈɪn.trɪ.stɪŋ/ /ˌɒpərˈtjuːnɪti/ /wɪð/

We need to find something

/wiː/ /niːd/ /faɪnd/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

with just the right amount of poetic...

/wɪð/ /dʒʌst/ /raɪt/

Get a girl's number while talking like a dolphin!

/ɡɛt/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /waɪl/ /laɪk/ /ˈdɒlfɪn/

That works.

/ðæt/ /wɜːrks/

Open your eyes, ref! That's not a pregnant lady!

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/ /ˈleɪdi/

It's a basketball under his shirt!

/ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/ /ˈʌndər/ /hɪz/ /ʃɜːrt/

Blow the freakin' whistle!

Anyways, Barney's right;

/raɪt/

I would absolutely let the bar blow up.

/wʊd/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/ /lɛt/ /bɑːr/ /ʌp/

But you'd die, and Lily would die, too.

/bʌt/ /daɪ/ /ænd/ /wʊd/ /daɪ/

Yeah, but then we could haunt the bar for eternity

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /bɑːr/ /fɔːr/

like we always planned. Anyways, Robin's your girl.

/laɪk/ /wiː/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /jʊr/ /ɡɜːrl/

Why do we keep coming back to this?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /wiː/ /kiːp/ /bæk/

It's fun. Tickets are cheap. Gets us out of the house.

/fʌn/ /ˈtɪkɪts/ /tʃiːp/ /ɡɛts/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/ /haʊs/

No, me and Robin.

/noʊ/ /miː/ /ænd/

Because Robin told me that she's still in love with you.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Are you serious? Robin told you that she's

/juː/ /ˈsɪəriəs/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /ðæt/

still in love with me?

/lʌv/ /wɪð/ /miː/

No, I just made that up.

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /ʌp/

But it was worth it because I can tell

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /wɜːrθ/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /kæn/ /tɛl/

by that look on your face that you still have feelings for Robin.

/ðæt/ /lʊk/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /feɪs/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /fɔːr/

Okay, ball is sitting on the basket!

/bɔːl/ /ɪz/ /ɒn/

That's not only illegal, it's unsafe!

/ˈoʊnli/ /ɪˈliːɡəl/ /ʌnˈseɪf/

Come on, Gens, D up!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ʌp/

It's this monastery in Connecticut out in the woods,

/aʊt/

and the nuns there, they make this gourmet cheese.

/ænd/ /ðɛr/ /ðeɪ/ /meɪk/ /tʃiːz/

It's just amazing.

/dʒʌst/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

Wow, was that three glasses of wine?

/wɒz/ /ðæt/ /θriː/ /waɪn/

Where does the time go

/wɛr/ /dʌz/ /taɪm/ /ɡoʊ/

Look, I know that you need

/lʊk/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /niːd/

to get back to your studies.

/ɡɛt/ /bæk/ /jʊr/

Maybe we could get together some other time?

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /sʌm/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /taɪm/

No! Not possible!

/noʊ/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

It was the performance of a lifetime.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /pəˈfɔːməns/

Man, if I'd have hung around for a few more minutes,

/mæn/ /ɪf/ /hæv/ /əˈraʊnd/ /fɔːr/ /fjuː/ /mɔːr/

I probably could have

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /kʊd/ /hæv/

gotten her to touch my blowhole. Give me that.

/hɜːr/ /tʌtʃ/ /maɪ/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /ðæt/

Hello?

Hi, did you just give your phone number to a guy

/dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /jʊr/ /foʊn/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ɡaɪ/

who was squeaking like a dolphin?

/huː/ /wɒz/ /laɪk/ /ˈdɒlfɪn/

Yeah.

Honey, listen to me.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /miː/

I need you to take a year, a full year

/niːd/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /jɪr/ /fʊl/ /jɪr/

and just be celibate, okay?

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /biː/

No boys.

/noʊ/ /bɔɪz/

One year.

/jɪr/

I think you know I'm right about this.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /raɪt/ /əˈbaʊt/

You're right.

/raɪt/

Yeah.

That was heartbreaking

/ðæt/ /wɒz/

And pants-breaking Boing-oing-oing!

/ænd/

All right, next challenge.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /nɛkst/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Oh, this is an all-night thing?

/ɪz/ /θɪŋ/

Okay, um, pick up a girl...

/pɪk/ /ʌp/ /ɡɜːrl/

wearing a garbage bag.

/ˈɡɑːrbɪdʒ/ /bæɡ/

I'd be "Glad" to.

/biː/ /ɡlæd/

Just hope she's not too "Hefty""

/dʒʌst/ /hoʊp/

And those are all of the brands of trash bags I can think of.

/ænd/ /ðoʊz/ /ɔːl/ /træʃ/ /kæn/ /θɪŋk/

I'm not done.

/dʌn/

You also can't use the letter "E."

/juː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /juːz/ /ˈlɛt.ər/

Challng... accptd-d.

You're single, she's single,

/ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/

It's time to do this.

/taɪm/ /duː/

You're only saying this because you bet Lily

/ˈoʊnli/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /bɛt/

that Robin and I would end up together,

/ðæt/ /ænd/ /wʊd/ /ɛnd/ /ʌp/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

and you want that five bucks.

/ænd/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ðæt/ /faɪv/

I need that five bucks, Ted.

/niːd/ /ðæt/ /faɪv/

But more importantly, I need you to be happy.

/bʌt/ /mɔːr/ /niːd/ /juː/ /biː/ /ˈhæp.i/

Marshall, we're platonic.

But you're not platonic!

/bʌt/

You are 20 short minutes away from happily ever after.

/juː/ /ʃɔːrt/ /əˈweɪ/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ˈæf.tər/

I mean, if you left right now.

/miːn/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /lɛft/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Hey.

I have loved you from the moment we met.

/hæv/ /lʌvd/ /juː/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /wiː/

I know we're meant to be together.

/noʊ/ /biː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

I don't want to waste another second without you.

/wɒnt/ /weɪst/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /juː/

Let's give it another shot.

/ɡɪv/ /ɪt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ʃɒt/

Okay!

No!

/noʊ/

Pay up, baby. Pay up.

/peɪ/ /ʌp/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /peɪ/ /ʌp/

♪ Sweet, sweet five bucks, you soon will be mine ♪

/swiːt/ /swiːt/ /faɪv/ /juː/ /suːn/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /maɪn/

♪ Even though Lily and I share bank accounts ♪

/ˈiːvən/ /ðoʊ/ /ænd/ /ʃɛr/ /bæŋk/

♪ You're already mine to begin with. ♪ Sorry.

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /maɪn/ /bɪˈɡɪn/ /wɪð/ /ˈsɒr.i/

And you and Robin get a lifetime of happiness, so there's that.

/ænd/ /juː/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/

But you better hurry up

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ˈhʌri/ /ʌp/

before some other guy snatches her up.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /sʌm/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ɡaɪ/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/

Really? And who's my competition?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /ˌkɒmpɪˈtɪʃən/

Okay, don't use the letter "E." Don't use the letter "E."

/juːz/ /ˈlɛt.ər/ /juːz/ /ˈlɛt.ər/

Hey.

Damn it.

/ɪt/

Hi. I... am...

Barney. Damn it!

/ɪt/

There's an E in my name!

/maɪ/ /neɪm/

Hi. My word for...

/maɪ/ /wɜːrd/ /fɔːr/

this guy is Barno.

/ɡaɪ/ /ɪz/

Barno. You look...

/juː/ /lʊk/

not ugly.

/ˈʌɡli/

Your... dial thing...

/jʊr/ /θɪŋ/

is what?

/ɪz/ /wɒt/

Do you want to just go back to my place?

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /bæk/ /maɪ/ /pleɪs/

Yes. Damn it!

/ɪt/

I want to buy you a drink.

/wɒnt/ /baɪ/ /juː/ /drɪŋk/

But first, what do I call you?

/bʌt/ /fɜːrst/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

Elaine Edelstein. Elaine Edelstein.

How about I just call you...

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /dʒʌst/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

tomorrow?

/təˈmɒr.oʊ/

Your digits, m'lady?

/jʊr/

Seriously, guys,

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /ɡaɪz/

you're gonna have to try harder than that.

/hæv/ /traɪ/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Challenge accepted.

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Excuse me, hi.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

I'm Ryan Gosling's personal assistant.

/ˈpɜːrsənl/ /əˈsɪstənt/

He saw you as you were walking in,

/hiː/ /sɔː/ /juː/ /juː/ /wɜːr/

and he sent me over to tell you to wait here.

/ænd/ /hiː/ /sɛnt/ /miː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /weɪt/ /hɪr/

Be cool. This is real, okay?

/biː/ /kuːl/ /ɪz/ /riːl/

But listen, Ryan is super shy.

/bʌt/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /ɪz/ /ˈsuːpər/ /ʃaɪ/

Aw... I know.

/noʊ/

Which means that if he comes in here and he sees you talking

/wɪtʃ/ /ðæt/ /ɪf/ /hiː/ /hɪr/ /ænd/ /hiː/ /juː/

to some other guy, he's gonna turn right around and leave.

/sʌm/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ɡaɪ/ /tɜːrn/ /raɪt/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ænd/ /liːv/

Nod if you understand.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

Redhead at the bar.

/bɑːr/

Challenge accepted.

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Hey, there. Get away from me!

/ðɛr/ /ɡɛt/ /əˈweɪ/ /miː/

It's like you're trying to lose, Eddie!

/laɪk/ /luːz/

Hey, Eddie, last time I saw

/læst/ /taɪm/ /sɔː/

this many turnovers was at a bakery. - Oh!

/ˈmɛn.i/ /wɒz/

So are you doing this or what? No.

/juː/ /wɒt/ /noʊ/

And for the record, if I were gonna do it,

/ænd/ /fɔːr/ /rɪˈkɔːrd/ /ɪf/ /wɜːr/ /duː/ /ɪt/

I wouldn't just be, like, "Hey, we should get back together".

/dʒʌst/ /biː/ /laɪk/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Amateur hour.

/ˈaʊ.ər/

Here's how you do it.

/haʊ/ /juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Excuse me. Okay, sorry.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /ˈsɒr.i/

Sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Huh.

Stop, thief!

/stɒp/

The blue French horn, it's so romantic!

/bluː/ /hɔːrn/ /roʊˈmæntɪk/

Oh, my God, do you know who you are?!

/maɪ/ /duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /juː/

You're Nicholas Sparks!

Hey, everybody, we got a, uh, celebrity

/ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /wiː/

in the crowd over here. We got, uh, Nicholas Sparks!

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪr/ /wiː/

You didn't let me finish.

/juː/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/

Ted, listen...

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I can do without reliving that.

/kæn/ /duː/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /ðæt/

Are you completely blind?

/juː/ /kəmˈpliːtli/ /blaɪnd/

What?

/wɒt/

Open your eyes, ref!

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/

The ball hasn't touched the ground in seven minutes!

/bɔːl/ /ɡraʊnd/ /ˈsɛvən/

Hey, ref, check your voicemail!

/tʃɛk/ /jʊr/

I think you've missed a few calls!

/θɪŋk/ /mɪst/ /fjuː/ /kɔːlz/

Are you completely blind?!

/juː/ /kəmˈpliːtli/ /blaɪnd/

Wait-- me or...?

/weɪt/ /miː/

You, Ted!

/juː/

Robin has changed her mind.

/hæz/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /hɜːr/ /maɪnd/

No, Robin doesn't change her mind.

/noʊ/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /hɜːr/ /maɪnd/

Except that she does.

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /dʌz/

Remember how she used to claim to hate white guy funk bands?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /haʊ/ /ʃiː/ /heɪt/ /ɡaɪ/ /fʌŋk/

And yet, at the farewell performance of my band,

/ænd/ /jɛt/ /pəˈfɔːməns/ /maɪ/ /bænd/

"The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk,"

/fʌŋk/ /hoʊl/ /fʌŋk/ /ænd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /bʌt/ /fʌŋk/

there's Robin rhythmically nodding her head

/hɜːr/ /hɛd/

and shouting out a request for "Give Up the Funk."

/ænd/ /aʊt/ /rɪˈkwɛst/ /fɔːr/ /ɡɪv/ /ʌp/ /fʌŋk/

I think she was nodding her head in response to my question,

/θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /hɜːr/ /hɛd/ /maɪ/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

"Do you want to leave soon?"

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /liːv/ /suːn/

And she was legitimately suggesting

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/

that you give up the funk.

/ðæt/ /juː/ /ɡɪv/ /ʌp/ /fʌŋk/

Can we just drop this? I have moved on.

/kæn/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /drɒp/ /hæv/ /ɒn/

Well, except that you haven't.

/wɛl/ /ɪkˈsɛpt/ /ðæt/ /juː/

You didn't just come up with this blue French horn thing.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /kʌm/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /bluː/ /hɔːrn/ /θɪŋ/

You've thought about this.

/θɔːt/ /əˈbaʊt/

Mr. Sparks? Anh Sparks?

I loved The Notebook.

/lʌvd/

Eddie, you're down by 80.

/daʊn/

Will you watch the ge?

/wɪl/ /juː/ /wɒtʃ/

Do not come any closer!

/duː/ /kʌm/ /ˈɛn.i/

I swear to God I will kill you.

/swɛər/ /wɪl/ /kɪl/ /juː/

It's cool. I'm not gonna come any closer.

/kuːl/ /kʌm/ /ˈɛn.i/

You're looking at the door, you're waiting for someone.

/dɔːr/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

Someone important, someone who will fill

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /huː/ /wɪl/ /fɪl/

an empty space in your life.

/ˈɛmpti/ /speɪs/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

A movie star?

/ˈmuːvi/ /stɑːr/

But which one?

/bʌt/ /wɪtʃ/

Clooney, Clooney,

DiCaprio, Zabka...? DiCaprio, Zabka...?

No...

/noʊ/

I'm gonna go with Ryan...

/ɡoʊ/ /wɪð/

Reyn... Reyn...

Phil-Phillip... Phil-Phillip...

Seacr... Gosling... Seacr... Gosling...

Ryan Gosling! Ryan Gosling!

Yes, I'm waiting for Ryan Gosling, okay?

/fɔːr/

Now, leave me alone.

/naʊ/ /liːv/ /miː/ /əˈloʊn/

You passed my test, girl.

/juː/ /maɪ/ /tɛst/ /ɡɜːrl/

- Ryan? - No.

/noʊ/

Just... no.

/dʒʌst/ /noʊ/

I told her I'm a method actor.

/toʊld/ /hɜːr/ /ˈmɛθəd/ /ˈæktər/

And I had to get plastic surgery

/ænd/ /hæd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈsɜːrdʒəri/

for an upcoming role where I play a man

/fɔːr/ /roʊl/ /wɛr/ /pleɪ/ /mæn/

much more handsome than myself.

/mʌtʃ/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

Congratulations, you win.

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /juː/ /wɪn/

Win? No, I don't want to win.

/wɪn/ /noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /wɪn/

I want to keep playing. More challenges.

/wɒnt/ /kiːp/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /mɔːr/

Fine, you want another challenge?

/faɪn/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

More challenges, more challenges.

/mɔːr/ /mɔːr/

Fine, here's your challenge.

/faɪn/ /jʊr/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Go down to the pharmacy and buy some diapers.

/ɡoʊ/ /daʊn/ /ˈfɑːrməsi/ /ænd/ /baɪ/ /sʌm/

And, uh, get me a Samosa from the Indian place.

/ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/ /pleɪs/

Sounds like an errand.

/laɪk/

While picking up a girl.

/waɪl/ /ʌp/ /ɡɜːrl/

Challenge accepted!

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Come on!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Whatever happened to the guy

/ˈhæpənd/ /ɡaɪ/

who wasn't afraid to charge

/huː/ /əˈfreɪd/

headlong into the unknown?

What unknown?

/wɒt/

Sure, eight years ago

/ʃʊr/ /eɪt/ /əˈɡoʊ/

when I stole that blue French horn, yeah.

/wɛn/ /stoʊl/ /ðæt/ /bluː/ /hɔːrn/

That was the unknown.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/

But now? I mean, how many times have we been here?

/bʌt/ /naʊ/ /miːn/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /taɪmz/ /hæv/ /wiː/ /hɪr/

I know exactly what's gonna happen.

/noʊ/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /ˈhæpən/

You know who else knew exactly what was gonna happen, Ted?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /ɛls/ /njuː/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ˈhæpən/

The Washington Generals on January 5, 1971.

/ɒn/

They knew they were gonna lose, but they went in there anyway,

/ðeɪ/ /njuː/ /ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /luːz/ /bʌt/ /ðeɪ/ /wɛnt/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

and then gave it their best shot.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ɡeɪv/ /ɪt/ /ðɛr/ /bɛst/ /ʃɒt/

And they won that game, Ted!

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /wʌn/ /ðæt/ /ɡeɪm/

For one reason and for one reason only.

/fɔːr/ /ˈriːzən/ /ænd/ /fɔːr/ /ˈriːzən/ /ˈoʊnli/

A scoring error and the fact that Curly Neal had the flu?

/ænd/ /fækt/ /ðæt/ /hæd/ /fluː/

Perseverance.

It was the only win in Generals history,

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /wɪn/ /ˈhɪstəri/

but that's all you need.

/bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /juː/ /niːd/

Just one win.

/dʒʌst/ /wɪn/

I'm gonna go grab us some beers.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɡræb/ /ʌs/ /sʌm/ /bɪərz/

Hi, I don't know who this is or what you're trying to sell,

/noʊ/ /huː/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /sɛl/

but you are disturbing me during the Globetrotters.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /miː/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/

Hello, Ted, it's Hammond Druthers.

Target acquired.

I'm recruiting volunteers

for the starving puppy orphanage where I work.

/fɔːr/ /wɛr/ /wɜːrk/

For free.

/fɔːr/ /friː/

So, if you wouldn't mind just writing your number down

/ɪf/ /juː/ /maɪnd/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈraɪtɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /daʊn/

on this signup sheet...?

/ɒn/

Listen, I appreciate that you feel

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /fiːl/

like you need my number.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /niːd/ /maɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

Maybe it's because you're really sad

/ˈmeɪbi/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /sæd/

about something and this is your way

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /weɪ/

of feeling better about yourself.

/ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

But...

/bʌt/

since I have a boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure

/sɪns/ /hæv/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/ /ænd/ /ˈprɪti/ /ʃʊr/

I heard you call me a target earlier over there,

/hɜːrd/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /ˈɜːrliər/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/

Wha...? I'm gonna go ahead

/ɡoʊ/

and not give you my number.

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

I'm gonna give you something even better.

/ɡɪv/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈiːvən/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Wow, right to the chase.

/raɪt/

Meet you in aisle six.

/miːt/ /juː/ /sɪks/

I'm gonna give you this. Okay.

/ɡɪv/ /juː/

It's gonna be okay.

/biː/

You're a good guy.

/ɡʊd/ /ɡaɪ/

You will get through this.

/juː/ /wɪl/ /ɡɛt/ /θruː/

Uh, okay.

Weirdo alert.

Have you met...?

/hæv/ /juː/

Excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

What do you mean "sad"?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/ /sæd/

Ted? Ted?

I'm calling you from Chicago, Illinois

/ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /juː/

where I'm a key player

/wɛr/ /kiː/ /ˈpleɪər/

in a very successful architectural firm.

/ˈvɛr.i/

Oh, yeah, I read about that.

/riːd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/

All right, about what you read...

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /riːd/

You built that big concave glass tower.

/juː/ /bɪlt/ /ðæt/ /bɪɡ/ /ɡlæs/

And it melted a few buildings across the street.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /fjuː/ /əˈkrɒs/ /striːt/

Yes, fine, but come on.

/faɪn/ /bʌt/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

What architect has made a major design flaw

/wɒt/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /hæz/ /ˈmeɪdʒər/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

that raised the temperature of the city aquarium

/ðæt/ /ˈtempərətʃər/ /ˈsɪt.i/

to 190 degrees

and killed thousands of very rare fish?

/ænd/ /kɪld/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /rɛr/ /fɪʃ/

That's the past, Ted. I'm looking forward.

/pæst/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/

I want you on my team.

/wɒnt/ /juː/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /tiːm/

And I won't take no for an answer.

/ænd/ /teɪk/ /noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈæn.sər/

No. I don't think you heard me, Ted.

/noʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /hɜːrd/ /miː/

No. Come on, Ted!

/noʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

Please?

/pliːz/

They're gonna give me a parking spot if you say yes.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /spɒt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /seɪ/

Do I get a parking spot? Well, we can go tandem.

/duː/ /ɡɛt/ /spɒt/ /wɛl/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /ɡoʊ/

No. Every other week then?

/noʊ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /wiːk/ /ðɛn/

No.

/noʊ/

You know, Chicago's more of a walking town.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /taʊn/

No. All right!

/noʊ/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

You can have the parking spot.

/juː/ /kæn/ /hæv/ /spɒt/

So, that's a yes?

Mm, no. Look, Ted.

/noʊ/ /lʊk/

I can make your life very difficult.

/kæn/ /meɪk/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/

How? How?!

/haʊ/ /haʊ/

I will call you a lot.

/wɪl/ /kɔːl/ /juː/ /lɒt/

I will Tweet at you like crazy.

/wɪl/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /ˈkreɪzi/

I will live on your Facebook wall!

/wɪl/ /lɪv/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /wɔːl/

We're not Facebook friends.

/frɛndz/

Yeah, what's going on with that?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

It's been pending, like, for eight months now.

/laɪk/ /fɔːr/ /eɪt/ /naʊ/

Look, Ted, you're a...

/lʊk/

a very hot commodity.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /hɒt/

Everybody loves the GNB Tower.

/ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /lʌvz/

And how it hasn't blinded any pilots

/ænd/ /haʊ/ /ɪt/ /ˈɛn.i/

on final approach into O'Hare.

/ɒn/ /ˈfaɪnəl/

And I-I may have told

/ænd/ /meɪ/ /hæv/ /toʊld/

the partners here that you and I are

/hɪr/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /ænd/

very, very good friends.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ɡʊd/ /frɛndz/

So, please, just say that you'll think about it.

/pliːz/ /dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Fine.

/faɪn/

I'll think about it.

/θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Druthers shoots, he scores!

/hiː/

Sad? Lady, I got 14 girls' numbers in the last hour.

/sæd/ /ˈleɪdi/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /ˈnʌmbərz/ /læst/ /ˈaʊ.ər/

And this was an off night.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /ɒf/ /naɪt/

What can I possibly be sad about?

/wɒt/ /kæn/ /biː/ /sæd/ /əˈbaʊt/

I think you were in love and you messed it up.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /lʌv/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/

And every moment of your life since then

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/ /sɪns/ /ðɛn/

has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact.

/hæz/ /steɪ/ /ˈbɪzi/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /ɪɡˈnɔːr/ /ðæt/ /fækt/

And that's how Barney met your mother.

/ænd/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

Well, the Generals lost.

/wɛl/ /lɒst/

What a nail biter-- the whole fourth quarter

/wɒt/ /neɪl/ /hoʊl/ /ˈkwɔːrtər/

my heart was in my throat.

/maɪ/ /hɑːrt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/

What was the final?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ˈfaɪnəl/

216 to 12.

Nobody talk to me right now, I can't even...

/ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /tɔːk/ /miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ˈiːvən/

The strangest thing happened at the game.

/θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/ /ɡeɪm/

I got a phone call from an unknown number.

/foʊn/ /kɔːl/ /ˈnʌmbər/

And when I answered I...

/ænd/ /wɛn/

You're eating olives.

/ˈiː.tɪŋ/

Yup.

Do you want these?

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ðiːz/

I hate olives.

/heɪt/

I... thought you hate olives.

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /heɪt/

I guess I changed my mind.

/ɡɛs/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/

Hello, partner!

/ˈpɑːrtnər/

Boy, that just sounds right, doesn't it?

/bɔɪ/ /ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /raɪt/ /ɪt/

Yeah, actually, Mr. Druthers.

/ˈæktʃuəli/

My answer is no.

/maɪ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/

What? No, Ted, come on!

/wɒt/ /noʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

I'm sorry, I still have things to do here in New York.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /hæv/ /θɪŋz/ /duː/ /hɪr/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

I am going to build a tower of glass

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /bɪld/ /ɡlæs/

and melt you with it!

/ænd/ /mɛlt/ /juː/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

No, you won't. No, I won't, but know this.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /bʌt/ /noʊ/

After today

/ˈæf.tər/ /təˈdeɪ/

this offer

/ˈɒfər/

is gone forever.

/ɪz/ /ɡɔːn/ /fərˈɛvər/

When I hang up this phone, you and I are done.

/wɛn/ /ʌp/ /foʊn/ /juː/ /ænd/ /dʌn/

The door is closed! Okay.

/dɔːr/ /ɪz/ /kloʊzd/

The door's always open, Ted.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˈoʊ.pən/

If you change your mind, just call me back, okay?

/ɪf/ /juː/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/ /dʒʌst/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /bæk/

Bye.

/baɪ/

I think he's coming around.

/θɪŋk/ /əˈraʊnd/

We tried dating a while back

/wiː/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /waɪl/ /bæk/

and it was a disaster.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dɪˈzæstər/

But I-I always regret giving up.

/bʌt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /rɪˈɡrɛt/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /ʌp/

It just ended so quickly.

/ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈkwɪk.li/

What about you?

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

You and your boyfriend gonna go the distance?

/juː/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/ /ɡoʊ/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

I think maybe I still haven't met the right guy.

/θɪŋk/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /raɪt/ /ɡaɪ/

I wonder if I know someone to set you up with.

/ˈwʌndər/ /ɪf/ /noʊ/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /sɛt/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/

Drawing a blank.

/ˈdrɔːɪŋ/

Are you gonna go get this girl?

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɡɜːrl/

Or what? Hay sao?

/wɒt/ /heɪ/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

I'm kind of at my peak right now.

/kaɪnd/ /maɪ/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I don't know if I can just walk away from the game.

/noʊ/ /ɪf/ /kæn/ /dʒʌst/ /wɔːk/ /əˈweɪ/ /ɡeɪm/

Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win?

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /kiːp/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /wɪn/

I want to win.

/wɒnt/ /wɪn/

What am I doing?

/wɒt/

In less than 20 minutes, Robin and I could be...

/lɛs/ /ðæn/ /ænd/ /kʊd/ /biː/

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

It's gonna take a lot more than 20 minutes.

/teɪk/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/

This is gonna take everything you have got.

/ɪz/ /teɪk/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /hæv/

This is gonna take all of your time, all of your attention.

/ɪz/ /teɪk/ /ɔːl/ /jʊr/ /taɪm/ /ɔːl/ /jʊr/

All of your resources.

/ɔːl/ /jʊr/

This is the big one.

/ɪz/ /bɪɡ/

Diaper man.

/mæn/

You got to do it right.

/juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/

Can't be messing around,

/biː/ /əˈraʊnd/

picking up girls in drug stores.

/ʌp/ /ɡɜːrlz/

♪ It's only time ♪ It's only time

/ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/

You got work to do.

/juː/ /wɜːrk/ /duː/

♪ It's only time ♪ ♪ It's only time ♪

/ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/

♪ It's only time ♪ It's only time

/ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/

♪ What could stop... ♪ What could stop...

/wɒt/ /kʊd/ /stɒp/ /wɒt/ /kʊd/ /stɒp/

We're not platonic.

Platon-ish, maybe.

/ˈmeɪbi/

If that's even a word.

/ɪf/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɜːrd/

But not platonic.

/bʌt/

♪ It's only time... ♪ It's only time...

/ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/

I mean, there's something between us.

/miːn/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /bɪˈtwiːn/ /ʌs/