Season 2 · Tập 19

It took me a while to figure out

/ɪt/ /tʊk/ /miː/ /waɪl/ /aʊt/

but the key to understanding your Uncle Barney is this.

/bʌt/ /kiː/ /jʊr/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /ɪz/

When times are hard, it's impossible to keep him around.

/wɛn/ /taɪmz/ /hɑːrd/ /ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/ /kiːp/ /hɪm/ /əˈraʊnd/

Like when your aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall were broken up.

/laɪk/ /wɛn/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /ænd/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /wɜːr/ /ʌp/

Hey. What are you guys talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/

- Lily. - I got to go.

/ɡoʊ/

But when times are good, it's impossible to get rid of him.

/bʌt/ /wɛn/ /taɪmz/ /ɡʊd/ /ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/ /ɡɛt/ /hɪm/

What are you guys doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

We just finished planning Marshall's bachelor party.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/

Good, you haven't started yet. Let's talk logistics.

/ɡʊd/ /juː/ /jɛt/ /tɔːk/

Now, have you laid out ground rules with Lily?

/naʊ/ /hæv/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /ɡraʊnd/ /wɪð/

Where you are or aren't allowed to touch or be touched?

/wɛr/ /juː/ /tʌtʃ/ /biː/

Show me on Ted.

/ʃoʊ/ /miː/ /ɒn/

Actually, we're, uh, we're thinking of skipping the strippers.

/ˈæktʃuəli/

You... you want to have a party without strippers.

/juː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /hæv/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /wɪˈðaʊt/

This was the worse thing I could have said.

/wɒz/ /wɜːrs/ /θɪŋ/ /kʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

You see, uncle Barney loved cooking up bachelor parties.

/juː/ /siː/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /lʌvd/ /ʌp/ /ˈbætʃələr/

And it was always the same recipe.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /seɪm/ /ˈrɛsɪpi/

You start with a slightly cramped hotel suite.

/juː/ /stɑːrt/ /wɪð/ /ˈslaɪtli/ /hoʊˈtɛl/

Arrange the chairs in a circle...

Fill them with your closest friends.

/fɪl/ /ðɛm/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/

Turn the heat up to about 90.

/tɜːrn/ /ʌp/ /əˈbaʊt/

Pump in a metric ton of cigar smoke.

/smoʊk/

And then, right in the middle of the room, you throw in a girl.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /raɪt/ /ˈmɪdəl/ /ruːm/ /juː/ /θroʊ/ /ɡɜːrl/

But not a beautiful girl--

/bʌt/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /ɡɜːrl/

no, if this girl was ever beautiful, it was two kids,

/noʊ/ /ɪf/ /ɡɜːrl/ /wɒz/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /tuː/ /kɪdz/

three tattoos and one pesky substance abuse problem ago.

/θriː/ /ænd/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Which one of you is Stuart?

/wɪtʃ/ /juː/ /ɪz/

Please, I really don't want to do this.

/pliːz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /duː/

Shut up, put in your mouth guard.

/ʃʌt/ /ʌp/ /pʊt/ /jʊr/ /maʊθ/

Then she proceeds to do things that demean the groom,

/ðɛn/ /ʃiː/ /duː/ /θɪŋz/ /ðæt/

herself and really, the entire human race.

/ænd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /ˈhjuːmən/ /reɪs/

Disgusting.

/dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/

Ah, horrifying.

- Classic. - Oh, please, please, no, no.

/ˈklæsɪk/ /pliːz/ /pliːz/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

I don't want anything like that happening to me.

/wɒnt/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /miː/

Stuart's still trying to forget that night.

/fərˈɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/

It's my bachelor party. We're not having strippers.

/maɪ/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ˈhævɪŋ/

Oh, he thinks he has a sain it.

/hiː/ /hiː/ /hæz/ /ɪt/

So, strippers it is!

/ɪt/ /ɪz/

Now, just, uh, tell me where we're going to be and I'll make some calls.

/naʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /wɛr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ænd/ /meɪk/ /sʌm/ /kɔːlz/

I think I can get the fourth one for free.

/θɪŋk/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /fɔːr/ /friː/

Quick question. Prosthetic arm. Deal breaker?

/kwɪk/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /diːl/

- Barney, there is... - Before you say no, it has attachments.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /hæz/

Look, I know you have some stuff planned for Marshall's bachelor party,

/lʊk/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /hæv/ /sʌm/ /stʌf/ /fɔːr/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/

- but he really doesn't want strippers. - Yes, he does.

/bʌt/ /hiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /hiː/ /dʌz/

- Uh, well, he told me he doesn't. - Uh, well, he told me he does.

/wɛl/ /hiː/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /hiː/ /wɛl/ /hiː/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /hiː/ /dʌz/

- When? - Every minute of every day

/wɛn/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /deɪ/

as his inner animal thrashes against the cage of his own puritanical upbringing.

/hɪz/ /ˈænɪməl/ /əˈɡɛnst/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/

Or do you guys not like naked girls.

/duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /laɪk/ /ɡɜːrlz/

Um, we love naked girls.

/wiː/ /lʌv/ /ɡɜːrlz/

They're one of the best things in the world.

/bɛst/ /θɪŋz/ /wɜːrld/

It goes... naked girls, democracy,

/ɪt/ /ɡoʊz/ /ɡɜːrlz/

the scene in Every Which Way But Loose where the monkey gives a guy the finger.

/siːn/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /wɪtʃ/ /weɪ/ /bʌt/ /wɛr/ /ˈmʌŋki/ /ɡɪvz/ /ɡaɪ/

- We just don't like your naked girls. - What, my girls aren't hot enough?

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /jʊr/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /wɒt/ /maɪ/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /hɒt/ /ɪˈnʌf/

I mean, all right, fine, the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.

/miːn/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /faɪn/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /wɒz/

- She was 15? - No, a 15. Like in blackjack.

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /noʊ/ /laɪk/

As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?

/ʃʊr/ /ˈwɛðər/ /ɪt/

- Exactly. - Nice.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /naɪs/

This is important to Marshall. So, promise me, no strippers.

/ɪz/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /miː/ /noʊ/

All right, I promise.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/

- I'm serious. - So am I. No strippers.

/ˈsɪəriəs/ /noʊ/

Now say it without winking.

/naʊ/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/ /wɪˈðaʊt/

No strippers.

/noʊ/

- You just winked. - No I didn't.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /noʊ/

So, when the day arrived, we all climbed into a rented Escalade and set out.

/wɛn/ /deɪ/ /əˈraɪvd/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /ænd/ /sɛt/ /aʊt/

Now, every bachelor party is usually made up of the same stock characters.

/naʊ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ɪz/ /ˈjuː.ʒu.ə.li/ /ʌp/ /seɪm/

You've got the groom...

the best man...

/bɛst/ /mæn/

- the guy who speaks only in clichés... - Dead man walking!

/ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /ˈoʊnli/ /dɛd/ /mæn/

...the guy who disappears at the beginning of the night

/ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /naɪt/

and doesn't show up again until the end.

/ænd/ /ʃoʊ/ /ʌp/ /əˈɡɛn/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ɛnd/

All right, who's up for a little blackjack before we check in.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /wiː/ /tʃɛk/

- No, no, no. - None for me.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /nʌn/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

See you guys back at the room, then.

/siː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /bæk/ /ruːm/ /ðɛn/

And, of course, well... Barney.

/ænd/ /kɔːrs/ /wɛl/

Every bachelor party has a Barney. Oh, what's this?

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /hæz/

This car has a DVD player? You mean,

/kɑːr/ /hæz/ /ˈpleɪər/ /juː/ /miːn/

we could have been watching these pornos the whole time?

/wiː/ /kʊd/ /hæv/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ðiːz/ /hoʊl/ /taɪm/

- Yeah. - This one's in HD.

This one's in H-double-D. Oh!

That same night, aunt Lily was having a wedding shower.

/ðæt/ /seɪm/ /naɪt/ /ænt/ /wɒz/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈʃaʊər/

And Robin showed up gift in hand.

/ænd/ /ʌp/ /ɡɪft/ /hænd/

Funny story about that gift.

/ˈfʌn.i/ /ˈstɔːri/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/ /ɡɪft/

Hey, Barney, check out what I got Lily for her shower.

/tʃɛk/ /aʊt/ /wɒt/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /ˈʃaʊər/

It's kind of racy. Think you can handle it?

/kaɪnd/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ˈhændl/ /ɪt/

Uh, I've been in a ten-way. So, yeah.

- It's kind of see-through. - Whoa, ho ho!

/kaɪnd/

You weren't kidding! You know when you should give that to her?

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɪv/ /ðæt/ /hɜːr/

1850.

Robin, it's her bridal shower!

/hɜːr/ /ˈʃaʊər/

All her friends are gonna be there, they're going to be drinking.

/ɔːl/ /hɜːr/ /frɛndz/ /biː/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/

You need to get her something daring, something outrageous.

/juː/ /niːd/ /ɡɛt/ /hɜːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Well, what do you think I should get her?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /hɜːr/

There's a store on Eighth Avenue that specializes in--

/stɔːr/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

how to put this delicately?--

/haʊ/ /pʊt/

uh, battery-powered, adult- recreational fake penises.

/ˈædʌlt/ /feɪk/

And so Aunt Robin went to a store on Eighth Avenue,

/ænd/ /ænt/ /wɛnt/ /stɔːr/ /ɒn/

and a battery-powered, adult-recreational...

/ænd/

Well, it was something inappropriate. And we're back in.

/wɛl/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ænd/ /bæk/

Robin! Robin!

I'm so glad you're here.

/ɡlæd/ /hɪr/

Come in, I want you to meet everybody.

/kʌm/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /miːt/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

Robin, this is my Grandma Lois and my Aunt Florence.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈɡrænmɑː/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /ænt/

Oh, lovely to meet you, dear.

/ˈlʌvli/ /miːt/ /juː/ /dɪər/

They put this whole party together.

/ðeɪ/ /pʊt/ /hoʊl/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

It's different from what I expected, but lovely.

/ˈdɪfrənt/ /wɒt/ /bʌt/ /ˈlʌvli/

Lovely.

/ˈlʌvli/

And oh, look, there are little kids here!

/ænd/ /lʊk/ /ðɛr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪdz/ /hɪr/

Yeah, my cousins.

/maɪ/

Listen, I, uh, I forgot something somewhere so I'm going to just go...

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /fərˈɡɒt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈsʌmwɛr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/

Robin, this is my mom, Janice.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

Oh, honey. I'm so glad to finally meet you.

/ˈhʌni/ /ɡlæd/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /miːt/ /juː/

Me too. I, I've heard so much about you.

/miː/ /hɜːrd/ /mʌtʃ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

Me, too. Oh, here. Let me take your gift.

/miː/ /hɪr/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /teɪk/ /jʊr/ /ɡɪft/

Can I guess what it is? Is it a, a, a mini food processor?

/kæn/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /fuːd/

- No. - No? Oh.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

Oh, give me a hint. What color is it?

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /wɒt/ /ˈkʌlər/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

Black.

/blæk/

Well, I guess I'm just going to have to wait and see!

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /weɪt/ /ænd/ /siː/

- Oh, great. - Robin... Robin...

/ɡreɪt/

- this is my Cousin Margaret. - Oh, finally, someone our own age!

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /aʊər/ /oʊn/ /eɪdʒ/

Wait, do I introduce you as "Cousin Margaret" or "Sister Margaret?"

/weɪt/ /duː/ /ˌɪntrəˈdjuːs/ /juː/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /ˈsɪs.tər/

Well, I'm not officially confirmed as a nun until next month

/wɛl/ /ənˈtɪl/ /nɛkst/ /mʌnθ/

and I don't want to tick off the Big Guy, so let's stick with "Cousin" for now.

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /ɒf/ /bɪɡ/ /ɡaɪ/ /stɪk/ /wɪð/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /fɔːr/ /naʊ/

God's watching. Excellent!

/ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ˈɛksələnt/

Man, they spent a lot of money on this porno.

/mæn/ /ðeɪ/ /lɒt/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ɒn/

Whoa-- Morgan Freeman? Man, that guy's in everything.

/mæn/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

Aw, man, I grabbed the wrong Deep Impact!

/mæn/ /rɒŋ/ /diːp/

No, leave it in, it's a good movie.

/noʊ/ /liːv/ /ɪt/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈmuːvi/

- But, dude, there's no sex in it. - Yeah, just like marriage. Huh? Right?

/bʌt/ /noʊ/ /sɛks/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ˈmærɪdʒ/ /raɪt/

Oh, oh, hey, check this out! Don't ask how,

/tʃɛk/ /aʊt/ /æsk/ /haʊ/

but I procured for us five loco-bueno,

/bʌt/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/ /faɪv/

hand-rolled, highly illegal Cubans.

/ɪˈliːɡəl/

Seriously, you could go to jail for smoking these things.

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /ðiːz/ /θɪŋz/

Marriage is like jail! Right, fellas?!

/ˈmærɪdʒ/ /ɪz/ /laɪk/ /raɪt/

But at least in jail, you get to have sex!

/bʌt/ /liːst/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /hæv/ /sɛks/

But we're not lighting these babies up, till we get to the A.C.

/bʌt/ /ðiːz/ /ˈbeɪbiz/ /ʌp/ /wiː/ /ɡɛt/

A.C.?

Um, Atlantic City. Try to keep up, Brad.

/ˈsɪt.i/ /traɪ/ /kiːp/ /ʌp/

We're not going to Atlantic City.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈsɪt.i/

Just a second, Brad.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

- Hi. - Hi.

We're still going to Atlantic City, right?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /raɪt/

Oh, did I not tell you? Yeah, we switched it. We're going to Foxwoods.

/dɪd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /wiː/ /ɪt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Foxwoods? Foxwoods?

But I've got an ipperstray waiting in tlanticaay itycay.

/bʌt/

What the heck's in Foxwoods?

/wɒt/

Well, we've got five third row seats to the Popinski-Salazar rematch.

/wɛl/ /faɪv/ /roʊ/

They've set aside our very own craps table,

/sɛt/ /aʊər/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /oʊn/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

and I reserved a private room for us at Connelly's,

/ænd/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/ /ruːm/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

where the five of us are going to be sharing a 102-ounce steak

/wɛr/ /faɪv/ /ʌs/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/

from a cow that I picked out on the Internet.

/ðæt/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/ /ˈɪntərˌnɛt/

- Yeah. - Great. The night's ruined.

/ɡreɪt/

Sorry, Barney. It was an honest mistake.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

This is going to be great!

/ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ɡreɪt/

Meat, violence, throwing money down the toilet.

/miːt/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /daʊn/ /ˈtɔɪlɪt/

America-- one; every other country-- zero.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

- Thanks, guys. - Yeah.

/ɡaɪz/

- You okay, Barney? - What can I say, Ted? You won.

/juː/ /wɒt/ /kæn/ /seɪ/ /juː/ /wʌn/

Hi.

You one... sad, pathetic loser.

/juː/ /sæd/

Boys, say hello to Treasure.

/bɔɪz/ /seɪ/

Hi, Treasure.

- I can't believe that you did this. - I had to.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /hæd/

- I'm your best man. - Ted's my best man.

/jʊr/ /bɛst/ /mæn/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

You've yet to make a decision and that's fine.

/jɛt/ /meɪk/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/ /ænd/ /faɪn/

But as your best-man-to-be, it's my job to make sure at your bachelor party

/bʌt/ /jʊr/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/ /meɪk/ /ʃʊr/ /jʊr/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/

you see a woman take her clothes off while dancing to Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again."

/juː/ /siː/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /teɪk/ /hɜːr/ /kloʊðz/ /ɒf/ /waɪl/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/ /hɪr/ /ɡoʊ/ /əˈɡɛn/

All right, fine, but... let's make it fast, all right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /faɪn/ /bʌt/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /fæst/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

The fight starts in an hour we don't want to miss it.

/faɪt/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /wiː/ /wɒnt/ /mɪs/ /ɪt/

It's a girl taking her clothes off. How long can it take?

/ɡɜːrl/ /hɜːr/ /kloʊðz/ /ɒf/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /kæn/ /ɪt/ /teɪk/

It's a bit more complicated than that.

/mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

I need two grounded sockets, a large sterile pot filled with hot water

/niːd/ /tuː/ /lɑːrdʒ/ /pɒt/ /wɪð/ /hɒt/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

and you all need to sign these releases.

/ænd/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /niːd/ /saɪn/ /ðiːz/

An egg beater! Aw, thank you, Aunt Sylvia!

/juː/ /ænt/

I love that it's cordless.

/lʌv/ /ðæt/

Well, at least I got that part right.

/wɛl/ /liːst/ /ðæt/ /pɑːrt/ /raɪt/

All of these gifts are so thoughtful.

/ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

Lily? Lily?

I need you to look at me right now and read my mind.

/niːd/ /juː/ /lʊk/ /miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ænd/ /riːd/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/

- Oh, my God! You're hearing me! - Yeah!

/maɪ/ /miː/

Sorry this party's so boring. What's up?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈbɔːrɪŋ/ /ʌp/

Do not open my gift. See what I'm doing here?

/duː/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /maɪ/ /ɡɪft/ /siː/ /wɒt/ /hɪr/

I'm looking over at the gift, then back at you,

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /ɡɪft/ /ðɛn/ /bæk/ /juː/

and I'm shaking my head, "no."

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /hɛd/ /noʊ/

Gift. You. No.

/ɡɪft/ /juː/ /noʊ/

- Are you getting that? - I totally got it.

/juː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /ɪt/

Here you go.

/hɪr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Lily said it was your time of the month.

/sɛd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /taɪm/ /mʌnθ/

You're welcome.

/ˈwɛlkəm/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Oh, just, um... rearranging the gifts. The pile looked a bit precarious. So...

/dʒʌst/

Oh, don't worry, I'll keep an eye on it.

/ˈwʌri/ /kiːp/ /aɪ/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

Great. You do that.

/ɡreɪt/ /juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

You're gonna make a damn good nun.

/meɪk/ /ɡʊd/

As many times as Robin told this story over the years,

/ˈmɛn.i/ /taɪmz/ /toʊld/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

she would never quite be able to explain the logic of her next move.

/ʃiː/ /wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /kwaɪt/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /ɪkˈspleɪn/ /hɜːr/ /nɛkst/ /muːv/

Is this a strip show or a Kiss concert?

/ɪz/ /ʃoʊ/ /kɪs/ /ˈkɒnsərt/

Shh! She's starting.

Please turn off your cell phones, pagers and sense of shame.

/pliːz/ /tɜːrn/ /ɒf/ /jʊr/ /ænd/ /sɛns/ /ʃeɪm/

All right, boys. Lie back, get comfortable, and enjoy the show.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /bɔɪz/ /laɪ/ /bæk/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈkʌmftəbl/ /ænd/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ʃoʊ/

Of course there's no way I'm telling you about her show.

/kɔːrs/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɜːr/ /ʃoʊ/

- So, let's skip ahead a little. - Ow!

/skɪp/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Oh my God, are you all right?

/maɪ/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

No, I am not all right, you idiot. My ankle is broken!

/noʊ/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /juː/ /ˈɪdiət/ /maɪ/ /ɪz/

- Take me to the hospital! - Um, actually, we have tickets.

/teɪk/ /miː/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈtɪkɪts/

You know what? Thanks a lot, Barney.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /lɒt/

She told you at the beginning of the show

/ʃiː/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /ʃoʊ/

not to use the smoke machine when she's on the hippity hop.

/juːz/ /smoʊk/ /məˈʃiːn/ /wɛn/ /ɒn/

Now I'm going to have to spend the rest of my bachelor party in a hospital.

/naʊ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /spɛnd/ /rɛst/ /maɪ/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/

Well, hey, maybe we'll get to see her X-rays.

/wɛl/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ɡɛt/ /siː/ /hɜːr/

The ultimate strip show.

/ʃoʊ/

- X-rays. More like triple X-rays. - Just stop.

/mɔːr/ /laɪk/ /dʒʌst/ /stɒp/

Which exit is the hospital?

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/

What if she doesn't make it to the hospital?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/

Barney, please calm down.

/pliːz/ /kɑːm/ /daʊn/

Maybe we should just take her to the desert,

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /teɪk/ /hɜːr/

bury her and wash our hands of this whole thing!

/hɜːr/ /ænd/ /wɒʃ/ /aʊər/ /hændz/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

Dude, what is the matter with you?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈmætər/ /wɪð/ /juː/

I'm just trying to illustrate to Marshall that as his best man...

/dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

- You're not my best man. - As his best man,

/maɪ/ /bɛst/ /mæn/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

I would help him bury a hooker in the desert.

/wʊd/ /hɛlp/ /hɪm/

- I'm not a hooker. - And you're not my best man.

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

You've ruined my bachelor party.

/maɪ/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/

I don't know why you wouldn't just listen to me when I said I didn't want this.

/noʊ/ /waɪ/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /miː/ /wɛn/ /sɛd/ /wɒnt/

Well, the fight started ten minutes ago. Maybe-maybe we should listen.

/wɛl/ /faɪt/ /tɛn/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ˈlɪs.ən/

Oh, Doctor, what a fight!

/ˈdɒktər/ /wɒt/ /faɪt/

That knockout will be talked about for years to come!

/ðæt/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /fɔːr/ /kʌm/

Anyone lucky enough to be in the arena tonight

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /ˈlʌki/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /biː/ /təˈnaɪt/

just witnessed boxing history in the making!

/dʒʌst/ /ˈhɪstəri/

Thank you so much, Margaret. I can't believe you carved that crucifix yourself.

/juː/ /mʌtʃ/ /bɪˈliːv/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

So talented.

/ˈtæləntɪd/

Didn't think you could carve.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /kʊd/

For you. Oh. And this one's from...

/fɔːr/ /juː/ /ænd/

- Grandma Lois. - Oh. No, wait, darling.

/ˈɡrænmɑː/ /noʊ/ /weɪt/

Before you open this, I-I want to say a few words.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /wɒnt/ /seɪ/ /fjuː/ /wɜːrdz/

Okay, something you need to know.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /niːd/ /noʊ/

Grandma Lois thought she was giving her granddaughter an antique sewing machine.

/ˈɡrænmɑː/ /θɔːt/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /hɜːr/ /ˈɡrændɔːtər/ /məˈʃiːn/

And we're back in.

/ænd/ /bæk/

Honey, this handy little device has been in our family for generations.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /dɪˈvaɪs/ /hæz/ /aʊər/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /fɔːr/

I used it, your great grandmother used it.

/ɪt/ /jʊr/ /ɡreɪt/ /ˈɡrændmʌðər/ /ɪt/

Now, her mother didn't use this one, but she used one just like it.

/naʊ/ /hɜːr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /juːz/ /bʌt/ /ʃiː/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

Of course, back then, they were made out of wood.

/kɔːrs/ /bæk/ /ðɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /aʊt/

And, uh, I guess before that, you just had to do it by hand.

/ænd/ /ɡɛs/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /hænd/

- Would you pass the wine, please? - No.

/wʊd/ /juː/ /pæs/ /waɪn/ /pliːz/ /noʊ/

Hey, Marshall,

while we're here, you may as well go down to the morgue and

/waɪl/ /hɪr/ /juː/ /meɪ/ /wɛl/ /ɡoʊ/ /daʊn/ /ænd/

climb into a drawer, 'cause that's what marriage is like.

/klaɪm/ /kɔːz/ /wɒt/ /ˈmærɪdʒ/ /ɪz/ /laɪk/

Can I get an amen?

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/

- Is everything all right at home, Stuart? - No.

/ɪz/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /hoʊm/ /noʊ/

It's broken.

Oh, damn it, this is bad. I really can't lose this job.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /bæd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /luːz/ /dʒɒb/

My daughters are about to start school, and my fiancé, well...

/maɪ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /stɑːrt/ /skuːl/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /wɛl/

ever since he got back from Iraq, pretty much all he does is drink.

/ˈɛv.ər/ /sɪns/ /hiː/ /bæk/ /ˈprɪti/ /mʌtʃ/ /ɔːl/ /hiː/ /dʌz/ /ɪz/ /drɪŋk/

I think about leaving him, but...

/θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɪm/ /bʌt/

I don't want my girls growing up without a dad like I did.

/wɒnt/ /maɪ/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /ˈɡroʊɪŋ/ /ʌp/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /dæd/ /laɪk/ /dɪd/

I don't want them to know what that's like.

/wɒnt/ /ðɛm/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /laɪk/

- So, show time? - What is the matter with you?

/ʃoʊ/ /taɪm/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈmætər/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Her ankle's broken.

/hɜːr/

I know for a fact that the second half of her act

/noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /fækt/ /ðæt/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/ /hæf/ /hɜːr/ /ækt/

takes place largely in a seated or supine position.

/pleɪs/ /pəˈzɪʃən/

Oh, that's true.

/truː/

Treasure, please, don't worry about the show.

/pliːz/ /ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʃoʊ/

Uh, we'd feel bad.

/fiːl/ /bæd/

What does that mean?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /miːn/

No. We just mean, uh, you're off the hook.

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /miːn/ /ɒf/

You don't have to do it.

/juː/ /hæv/ /duː/ /ɪt/

I don't have to do it? Well, guess what?

/hæv/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/

I know I don't have to do it. I do it because I am good at it.

/noʊ/ /hæv/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɡʊd/ /ɪt/

Look, I don't need your pity.

/lʊk/ /niːd/ /jʊr/

All I want to do is give you a great show because you're getting married!

/ɔːl/ /wɒnt/ /duː/ /ɪz/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /ɡreɪt/ /ʃoʊ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

Is that so much to ask? Is that such a major inconvenience?!

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /mʌtʃ/ /æsk/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /sʌtʃ/ /ˈmeɪdʒər/

Oh, that is wrong.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /rɒŋ/

Oh, that's just so wrong.

/dʒʌst/ /rɒŋ/

Well, the doctor did say for her to keep it elevated.

/wɛl/ /ˈdɒktər/ /dɪd/ /seɪ/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /kiːp/ /ɪt/

When I was a girl, my mother taught me and my sister to use it.

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /ɡɜːrl/ /maɪ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /tɔːt/ /miː/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /ˈsɪs.tər/ /juːz/ /ɪt/

We used to have contests to see who could finish faster.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /siː/ /huː/ /kʊd/ /ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/

It was so exciting. The whole family would gather around to watch.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /hoʊl/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /wʊd/ /ˈɡæðər/ /əˈraʊnd/ /wɒtʃ/

And when I was a new bride, this is what kept me buzy

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /wɒz/ /njuː/ /braɪd/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /miː/

all those long nights when your grandfather was in Korea.

/ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/ /lɔːŋ/ /wɛn/ /jʊr/ /ˈɡrændfɑːðər/ /wɒz/

And speaking of your grandfather,

/ænd/ /ˈspiːkɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈɡrændfɑːðər/

though I don't think he'd care to admit this to any of his army buddies, but...

/ðoʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /kɛr/ /ədˈmɪt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /hɪz/ /bʌt/

he'd have a go at it every once in a while.

/hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɪt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /wʌns/ /waɪl/

And he enjoyed it.

/ænd/ /hiː/ /ɪt/

Oh, open it up, sweetie.

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /ˈswiːti/

May this give for you as much joy as it's brought me.

/meɪ/ /ɡɪv/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /mʌtʃ/ /miː/

Grandma, um...

/ˈɡrænmɑː/

Wow.

Well, take it out, honey. I want to show you how to use it.

/wɛl/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ˈhʌni/ /wɒnt/ /ʃoʊ/ /juː/ /haʊ/ /juːz/ /ɪt/

Okay, no, no! Don't take it out.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Lily, that's not your grandma's gift. It's mine.

/jʊr/ /ɡɪft/ /maɪn/

I panicked, and I switched the cards because I was embarrassed.

/ænd/ /kɑːrdz/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒz/ /ɪmˈbærəst/

Well, what is it?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

It's just like the one Miranda gave to Charlotte on Sex and the City.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ɡeɪv/ /ɒn/ /sɛks/ /ænd/ /ˈsɪt.i/

Oh, I love that show. I always watch it on TBS.

/lʌv/ /ðæt/ /ʃoʊ/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /wɒtʃ/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/

Oh, you would. You're such a Samantha!

/juː/ /wʊd/ /sʌtʃ/

Oh, I'm a Carrie! You're a Samantha!

And then the night became a whole new kind of uncomfortable.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /naɪt/ /hoʊl/ /njuː/ /kaɪnd/

- So where do I get one of these? - Mom!

/wɛr/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/ /ðiːz/ /mɒm/

Man, what a show, huh?

/mæn/ /wɒt/ /ʃoʊ/

She did some disgusting stuff. Really sticks with you.

/ʃiː/ /dɪd/ /sʌm/ /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/ /stʌf/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɪð/ /juː/

I may be done eating.

/meɪ/ /biː/ /dʌn/ /ˈiː.tɪŋ/

Me, too.

/miː/

I mean, like, forever.

/miːn/ /laɪk/ /fərˈɛvər/

Me, too.

/miː/

I miss my wife.

/mɪs/ /maɪ/ /waɪf/

Hey, let's go around the table and say what our favorite part was.

/ɡoʊ/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /ænd/ /seɪ/ /wɒt/ /aʊər/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /pɑːrt/ /wɒz/

Mine was that thing with the typewriter.

/maɪn/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋ/ /wɪð/

I mean, she made some spelling mistakes, but still.

/miːn/ /ʃiː/ /sʌm/ /bʌt/

Ooh, and you guys were all, "Barney, put out the cigar!

/ænd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /wɜːr/ /ɔːl/ /pʊt/ /aʊt/

It's a non-smoking room!" And I was all, "Hell, no, this is a Cuban!"

/ruːm/ /ænd/ /wɒz/ /ɔːl/ /noʊ/ /ɪz/

Of course, eventually, I did put it out.

/kɔːrs/ /dɪd/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Did I put it out?

/dɪd/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

I put it out.

/pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Did I put it out?

/dɪd/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

I put it out.

/pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Did I put it out?

/dɪd/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

It was a small fire, not even big enough to force an evacuation of the hotel,

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /smɔːl/ /faɪər/ /ˈiːvən/ /bɪɡ/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /fɔːrs/ /hoʊˈtɛl/

but definitely big enough to get us kicked out,

/bʌt/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /bɪɡ/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /ɡɛt/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/

and bring Marshall's bachelor party to an early end.

/ænd/ /brɪŋ/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /ɛnd/

Is that...?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/

It is.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/

Hey, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

How was the fight?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /faɪt/

Hey, what are you guys doing here? What happened to the bachelor party?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /hɪr/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /ˈbætʃələr/ /ˈpɑːrti/

We missed the fight, dinner was ruined,

/wiː/ /mɪst/ /faɪt/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /wɒz/

we spent half the night in the hospital, and got kicked out of the hotel.

/wiː/ /hæf/ /naɪt/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/ /ænd/ /aʊt/ /hoʊˈtɛl/

- What do you think happened? - Barney. Barney.

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈhæpənd/

Hey, I was just trying to be a good best man.

/wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /biː/ /ɡʊd/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

You know what a best man does, Barney? He does what the groom wants.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /bɛst/ /mæn/ /dʌz/ /hiː/ /dʌz/ /wɒt/

But all you ever think about is what you want, what's best for you.

/bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪz/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /bɛst/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Best man?

/bɛst/ /mæn/

I'm not even sure I'm inviting you to the wedding at this point.

/ˈiːvən/ /ʃʊr/ /juː/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /pɔɪnt/

You don't mean that.

/juː/ /miːn/ /ðæt/

Why should I invite you? You don't even want us to get married.

/waɪ/ /ʃʊd/ /ɪnˈvaɪt/ /juː/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/

That's not true.

/truː/

Lily, don't.

What? Sao?

/wɒt/

I'm sorry, Barney.

/ˈsɒr.i/

It happened last summer when we were broken up.

/ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /læst/ /ˈsʌmər/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ʌp/

Hey, what are you guys talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/

- Lily. - Ah, I got to go.

/ɡoʊ/

Newark Airport, please.

/ˈɛərpɔːrt/ /pliːz/

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barney, what are you doing here?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/

I can't believe it's really you. Come in, have a seat.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /hæv/ /siːt/

Do you want some tea? I know the apartment's small,

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /sʌm/ /noʊ/ /smɔːl/

but I don't need much space. Let me show you some of my paintings.

/bʌt/ /niːd/ /mʌtʃ/ /speɪs/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /ʃoʊ/ /juː/ /sʌm/ /maɪ/

I think it's some of my best work ever. Just stop it.

/θɪŋk/ /sʌm/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

Lily, you have to come home. You and Marshall belong together.

/juː/ /hæv/ /kʌm/ /hoʊm/ /juː/ /ænd/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

The two of you

/tuː/ /juː/

have something that most people search their whole lives for and never find.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /moʊst/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /sɜːrtʃ/ /ðɛr/ /hoʊl/ /fɔːr/ /ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /faɪnd/

I know you love him, and if you knew what he was going through right now,

/noʊ/ /juː/ /lʌv/ /hɪm/ /ænd/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /njuː/ /wɒt/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

you wouldn't be here for one more second.

/juː/ /biː/ /hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /mɔːr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

I bought you a ticket home.

/bɔːt/ /juː/ /ˈtɪkɪt/ /hoʊm/

Marshall is one of the best people I know,

/ɪz/ /bɛst/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /noʊ/

and it won't be long until someone else realizes that,

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /biː/ /lɔːŋ/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɛls/ /ðæt/

and you'll lose him forever.

/ænd/ /luːz/ /hɪm/ /fərˈɛvər/

I can't stand the thought of that happening,

/stænd/ /θɔːt/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/

and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever.

/ænd/ /kiːp/ /tʃɪks/ /hɪm/ /fərˈɛvər/

Never, ever tell anyone I was here. I will deny it tooth and nail.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /wɒz/ /hɪr/ /wɪl/ /dɪˈnaɪ/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /neɪl/

This trip never happened.

/trɪp/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈhæpənd/

Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do--

/ɪf/ /juː/ /hæd/ /θriː/ /ˈaʊərz/ /kɪl/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /jʊr/ /flaɪt/ /wɒt/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /duː/

Alcatraz or Fisherman's Wharf?

You really did that?

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dɪd/ /ðæt/

Marshall, I think Barney's your best man.

/θɪŋk/ /jʊr/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

Yeah.

Yes, he is.

/hiː/ /ɪz/

See, Lily? This is why I didn't...

/siː/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/

- Really? - Really.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Real...

/riːl/

In your face, loser!

/jʊr/ /feɪs/

Take it easy, all right. Ted's still my best man, too.

/teɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˈiː.zi/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

You guys are co-best men.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /mɛn/

Right. Yes, we're both best man.

/raɪt/ /boʊθ/ /bɛst/ /mæn/

No, um, seriously. You guys are co-best men.

/noʊ/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /mɛn/

Of course.

/kɔːrs/

I can't believe you got me this.

/bɪˈliːv/ /juː/ /miː/

Oh, I only did it as a joke. I can return it for you you want.

/ˈoʊnli/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /dʒoʊk/ /kæn/ /rɪˈtɜːrn/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/

Oh, no, it's okay. You don't have to go all the way back down there.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɔːl/ /weɪ/ /bæk/ /daʊn/ /ðɛr/

- I'll, I'll just throw it away. - Well, I mean,

/dʒʌst/ /θroʊ/ /ɪt/ /əˈweɪ/ /wɛl/ /miːn/

if you were going to throw it away, maybe I'll take it

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θroʊ/ /ɪt/ /əˈweɪ/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/

in case I get invited to another wedding shower.

/ɡɛt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈʃaʊər/

- It's a great gag gift. - Yeah, it's really funny.

/ɡreɪt/ /ɡɪft/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈfʌn.i/

You know who would get a kick out of it?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /wʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /kɪk/ /aʊt/ /ɪt/

Marshall. Marshall.

So, so maybe I'll just hold on to it.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /dʒʌst/ /hoʊld/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

I would be embarrassed if Marshall found out that I bought it for you,

/wʊd/ /biː/ /ɪmˈbærəst/ /ɪf/ /aʊt/ /ðæt/ /bɔːt/ /ɪt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

- so I'd better just take it. - Robin, leave it.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /dʒʌst/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/ /liːv/ /ɪt/