Season 2 · Tập 7

- So, I guess that decides it. - Yup.

/ɡɛs/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/

Hanging out at a coffee place

/ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /pleɪs/

is not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.

/ɪz/ /ˈnɪərli/ /mʌtʃ/ /fʌn/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /bɑːr/

Man, what's that?

/mæn/ /ðæt/

What?

/wɒt/

That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name.

/ðæt/ /kjuːt/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /ɡɜːrl/ /roʊt/ /hɑːrt/ /jʊr/ /neɪm/

Somebody has a crush on you.

/ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /hæz/ /ɒn/ /juː/

Somebody thinks you're me.

/ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /miː/

Do you really think she likes me?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /miː/

I mean, I guess it's not that surprising.

/miːn/ /ɡɛs/ /ðæt/ /sərˈpraɪzɪŋ/

Every time I come in here, I totally crack her up.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /kʌm/ /hɪr/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/

Marshall, here's your pumpkin latte.

/jʊr/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/

Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /fɪt/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kʌp/

I'll have a pumpkin latte.

/hæv/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/

How do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈiːvən/ /fɪt/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /ðoʊz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

What? You got a shrink ray back there?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /bæk/ /ðɛr/

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, remember that time I said that thing

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋ/

about how do they fit a pumpkin into that little cup?

/əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /duː/ /ðeɪ/ /fɪt/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kʌp/

- Which time? - The first time.

/wɪtʃ/ /taɪm/ /fɜːrst/ /taɪm/

Yeah. That was really funny.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈfʌn.i/

Right.

/raɪt/

All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /tuː/ /ˈriːzənz/ /læf/ /ðæt/

One, it's the first joke she's ever heard,

/fɜːrst/ /dʒoʊk/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hɜːrd/

or two, she likes you. You should totally ask her out.

/tuː/ /ʃiː/ /juː/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /æsk/ /hɜːr/ /aʊt/

You think?

/juː/ /θɪŋk/

Yeah, that why you're not back with Lily, right?

/ðæt/ /waɪ/ /bæk/ /wɪð/ /raɪt/

So you can experience what it's like to be single.

/juː/ /kæn/ /ɪkˈspɪəriəns/ /wɒt/ /laɪk/ /biː/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/

Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /ɪf/ /hɑːrt/ /miːn/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

What if she writes it on all the cups?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ɔːl/

Mine says "Ted," no heart.

/maɪn/ /noʊ/ /hɑːrt/

Mine says... "Swarley."

/maɪn/

How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"?

/ðeɪ/ /ɡɛt/

It's not even a name.

/ˈiːvən/ /neɪm/

Who would ever be called "Swarley"?

/huː/ /wʊd/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /biː/

Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley."

/pliːz/ /stɑːrt/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /miː/

This would never happen at a bar!

/wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈhæpən/ /bɑːr/

Man! What's up with Swarley?

/mæn/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/

I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /siː/ /oʊld/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ʌpˈsɛt/

Hey, guess what?

/ɡɛs/ /wɒt/

Oh, sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

It's only my mom.

/ˈoʊnli/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

She's just rambling on like always.

/dʒʌst/ /ɒn/ /laɪk/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

What happened?

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

Marshall asked out a girl.

/aʊt/ /ɡɜːrl/

Wow. Wow.

Well, if anything, that's Dad's fault.

/wɛl/ /ɪf/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /fɔːlt/

That'll keep her going a while.

/kiːp/ /hɜːr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /waɪl/

Oh, of course, you know, he had a little help.

/kɔːrs/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /hɛlp/

Swarley hooked him up?

/hʊkt/ /hɪm/ /ʌp/

Oh, good. You got my text.

/ɡʊd/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /tɛkst/

- Yeah. - Oh. No, it was me.

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /miː/

I gave Marshall one of my secrets.

/ɡeɪv/ /maɪ/

- So, what she say? - Nothing.

/wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /seɪ/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

I don't think she heard me. It's pretty busy up there.

/θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /hɜːrd/ /miː/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈbɪzi/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/

What? You gave her the look right?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡeɪv/ /hɜːr/ /lʊk/ /raɪt/

Head down, eyes looking up,

/hɛd/ /daʊn/ /aɪz/ /ʌp/

hands in pockets, shoulders up,

/hændz/ /ʌp/

head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability.

/hɛd/ /ˈslaɪtli/ /ʃaɪ/

I think so.

/θɪŋk/

Look, can we just go?

/lʊk/ /kæn/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/

Pumpkin latte for Marshall.

/ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /fɔːr/

I didn't order that.

/ˈɔːrdər/ /ðæt/

Phone number.

/foʊn/ /ˈnʌmbər/

I love that look.

/lʌv/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/

I think I slept with you because of that look.

/θɪŋk/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/

And it's fake?

/ænd/ /feɪk/

Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away

/ænd/ /juː/ /jʊr/ /əˈweɪ/

and thrusting your chest out is natural?

/ænd/ /jʊr/ /aʊt/ /ɪz/ /ˈnætʃ.ər.əl/

Yeah, I hear you.

/hɪr/ /juː/

- Hey! - Hey, guys.

/ɡaɪz/

Are you free tomorrow night?

/juː/ /friː/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/

I was thinking of having a wine tasting slash

/wɒz/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /waɪn/

"help me catch the rat in my apartment" party.

/hɛlp/ /miː/ /maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ˈpɑːrti/

That's a great idea. You can put out cheese for both.

/ɡreɪt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /juː/ /kæn/ /pʊt/ /aʊt/ /tʃiːz/ /fɔːr/ /boʊθ/

I should invite Marshall, right?

/ʃʊd/ /ɪnˈvaɪt/ /raɪt/

It'd be weird if I didn't.

/biː/ /ɪf/

Yeah, I don't think he can go.

/θɪŋk/ /hiː/ /kæn/ /ɡoʊ/

Really? Why not?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /waɪ/

Uh, okay, um...

Lily, we have to tell you something.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Marshall has a date.

/hæz/ /deɪt/

Oh. Well... good for him.

/wɛl/ /ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/

Really? You're okay with it?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

Look, we've been broken up almost six months.

/lʊk/ /ʌp/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /sɪks/

I mean, I'm not thrilled about the idea,

/miːn/ /əˈbaʊt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

but he has every right to date someone else.

/bʌt/ /hiː/ /hæz/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /raɪt/ /deɪt/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɛls/

That's very mature.

/ˈvɛr.i/

Why are you holding the phone?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈhoʊldɪŋ/ /foʊn/

Oh, shoot.

/ʃuːt/

That's hilarious, Mom.

/hɪˈlɛriəs/ /mɒm/

Didn't even notice.

/ˈiːvən/ /ˈnoʊtɪs/

Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit.

/weɪ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /suːt/

Tell me about the fabric. Is it foreign or something?

/tɛl/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ˈfɒrɪn/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Wow. It is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /ˈfɒrɪn/

- It's Moroccan, actually. - Whoa.

/ˈæktʃuəli/

I got a call for Swarley.

/kɔːl/ /fɔːr/

Is there a Swarley here?

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /hɪr/

You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?

/juː/ /ˈɪntrəstɪd/ /maɪ/ /suːt/ /ɔːl/ /wɜːr/ /juː/

- Hmm? - Swarley! -Hmm? -Swarley!

Yeah, I know he's there. It's really important.

/noʊ/ /ðɛr/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

Could you ask again?

/kʊd/ /juː/ /æsk/ /əˈɡɛn/

Important call for Swarley!

/ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /kɔːl/ /fɔːr/

Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley? There's a call for you.

/juː/ /hɪr/ /hɪm/ /kɔːl/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Stop calling me that.

/stɒp/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /miː/ /ðæt/

Uh... Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /miːt/

- Hi. - Hi. -Hi. -Hi.

Hi. Hi.

It's nice to meet you guys.

/naɪs/ /miːt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

- I'll be right back. - It's right back there.

/biː/ /raɪt/ /bæk/ /raɪt/ /bæk/ /ðɛr/

Right? Right? She's hot!

/raɪt/ /raɪt/ /hɒt/

And she likes me?

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /miː/

She likes Italian food. I also like Italian food.

/ʃiː/ /fuːd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /laɪk/ /fuːd/

She likes Billy Joel. I also like... music.

/ʃiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /laɪk/ /ˈmjuːzɪk/

And I think we're going to go out again.

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /əˈɡɛn/

- Dude, you gotta ditch her. - Obviously.

/juː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈɒbviəsli/

Why?

/waɪ/

She's got the crazy eyes.

/ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

Dude. The eyes.

/aɪz/

They're crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

What are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.

No. Just pupils.

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/

It's an indicator of future mental instability.

/ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /ˈmɛntl/

She does not have the crazy eyes.

/ʃiː/ /dʌz/ /hæv/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

You just can't see it because you're afflicted

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /siː/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness.

/wɪð/ /waɪl/

She was too far away in the coffee place,

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /fɑːr/ /əˈweɪ/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /pleɪs/

but when I saw her up close just now...

/bʌt/ /wɛn/ /sɔː/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/ /kloʊs/ /dʒʌst/ /naʊ/

Hey, I'd like you guys to officially meet Chloe.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /miːt/

- Hi. - Hi. -Hi. -Hi.

Hi. Hi.

It's nice to meet you guys.

/naɪs/ /miːt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

You guys, I'm not going to stop dating Chloe

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /stɒp/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

just because you think she has the crazy eyes.

/dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /hæz/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

You can keep going out with her, but you're gonna regret it.

/juː/ /kæn/ /kiːp/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /bʌt/ /rɪˈɡrɛt/ /ɪt/

One time, I met a girl at this very bar.

/taɪm/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /bɑːr/

I saw that she had the crazy eyes...

/sɔː/ /ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /hæd/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

...but I ignored it.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/

And then, sure enough.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ʃʊr/ /ɪˈnʌf/

Barney, can I ask you a question?

/kæn/ /æsk/ /juː/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

Anything.

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Would you like to have a threesome?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /hæv/

Of course.

/kɔːrs/

Great. It'll be you, me and Mr. Weasels.

/ɡreɪt/ /biː/ /juː/ /miː/ /ænd/

So, did you do it?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/

No. It ended up being just a twosome

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /dʒʌst/

with the third one watching from a chair.

/wɪð/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /tʃɛr/

Which one were you?

/wɪtʃ/ /wɜːr/ /juː/

I'd rather not say.

/ˈrɑːðər/ /seɪ/

Look, there was a time I didn't believe in the crazy eyes either,

/lʊk/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /taɪm/ /bɪˈliːv/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/ /ˈiː.ðər/

and then I met Jeanine.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/

She had serious crazy eyes.

/ʃiː/ /hæd/ /ˈsɪəriəs/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

I told myself I was just imagining it, but then...

/toʊld/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪt/ /bʌt/ /ðɛn/

So, should we go get a drink?

/ʃʊd/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /drɪŋk/

As long as it's in your apartment.

/lɔːŋ/ /jʊr/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Whoa, I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Watch! Where! You're! Going!

/wɒtʃ/ /wɛr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

So, where do you live?

/wɛr/ /duː/ /juː/ /lɪv/

You guys, Chloe is not gonna do any of that stuff.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/ /duː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ðæt/ /stʌf/

She's a nice girl from Nebraska.

/naɪs/ /ɡɜːrl/

She's not crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

She's... she's awesome.

/ˈɔːsəm/

But you can't avoid the crazy eyes forever.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /əˈvɔɪd/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/ /fərˈɛvər/

Sooner or later, the crazy comes bubbling to the surface.

/ˈleɪtər/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Hello? Hello?

Marshall, it's Chloe.

Are you the one who's called me like nine times?

/juː/ /miː/ /laɪk/ /taɪmz/

Yeah. Could you come get me?

/kʊd/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/

I'm in the middle of taking a test.

/ˈmɪdəl/ /tɛst/

Please. I'm so scared.

/pliːz/ /skɛrd/

Well, what's going on?

/wɛl/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

This weird midget guy started following me

/ɡaɪ/ /miː/

and he was screaming at me

/ænd/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈskriːmɪŋ/ /miː/

and he had a limp and a big hump on his back

/ænd/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /ænd/ /bɪɡ/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /bæk/

and the police didn't believe me

/ænd/ /bɪˈliːv/ /miː/

and I almost got trampled by a horse and...

/ænd/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /hɔːrs/ /ænd/

God I must sound totally crazy to you right now.

/mʌst/ /saʊnd/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /juː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

No. Pfft.

/noʊ/

Not at all.

/ɔːl/

So, she's needy crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

That's one of the worst kinds.

/wɜːrst/

I've had one of those.

/hæd/ /ðoʊz/

Makes up stories to get attention.

/ʌp/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /ɡɛt/

Went out with her for three weeks-- her dad died twice.

/wɛnt/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /fɔːr/ /θriː/ /hɜːr/ /dæd/ /daɪd/

Guys, she was really freaked out, okay?

/ɡaɪz/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /aʊt/

Maybe the story is true.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ɪz/ /truː/

What in the world would make you believe that's a true story?

/wɒt/ /wɜːrld/ /wʊd/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /bɪˈliːv/ /truː/ /ˈstɔːri/

She's really hot.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hɒt/

They always are.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

- You all done with that, Ted? - Yeah.

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /dʌn/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Ned. I told you to call him Ned.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /hɪm/

That's just sad.

/dʒʌst/ /sæd/

Sorry, Swarley.

/ˈsɒr.i/

So, do just you and Ted live here

/duː/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/ /ænd/ /lɪv/ /hɪr/

or does Swarley live here, too?

/dʌz/ /lɪv/ /hɪr/

Nah. Swarley has his own place.

/hæz/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/ /pleɪs/

What was that?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/

Oh, I, uh, dropped my keys.

/maɪ/ /kiːz/

So, here you go.

/hɪr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Two pumpkin beers.

/tuː/ /ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /bɪərz/

I was joking. They're regular beers.

/wɒz/ /ˈrɛɡ.jə.lər/ /bɪərz/

What is that?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

This picture is broken.

/ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ɪz/

Oh. That's too bad.

/bæd/

Is that Lily?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/

Is that the girl you were going to marry?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈmæri/

Yeah. Is that what that sound was?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /wɒt/ /ðæt/ /saʊnd/ /wɒz/

Did you just smash this?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/

No.

/noʊ/

Why would I do that?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Let me look into your eyes.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /lʊk/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/

Okay. Okay.

I had a really nice time tonight.

/hæd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /naɪs/ /taɪm/ /təˈnaɪt/

Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

/miː/ /stɒp/

I like your eyes a lot, too.

/laɪk/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/ /lɒt/

S top!

/tɒp/

Hi. I'm Lily.

Stop!

/stɒp/

Now, kids, I know Lily hiding in the apartment

/naʊ/ /kɪdz/ /noʊ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

while Marshall was on a date with another girl seems pretty crazy,

/waɪl/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈkreɪzi/

but when you hear her side of the story,

/bʌt/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /hɪr/ /hɜːr/ /saɪd/ /ˈstɔːri/

well, it's still pretty crazy.

/wɛl/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈkreɪzi/

What's up Swarlz?

/ʌp/

No. Okay? No. No more.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/

I will not let this become a thing. It's over.

/wɪl/ /lɛt/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

No more Swarley. No Swarlz.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /noʊ/

No more Swar-lay.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/

No more Swar... wait for it... ley.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

No more Bob Swarley, mon.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/

No more. No! It's over.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /noʊ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

Do you understand?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

- Yes. - Yes.

Thank you.

/juː/

Nice.

/naɪs/

- Why didn't you call me? - Was I supposed to call you?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /wɒz/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

Yes, about the whole Marshall- dating-another-girl thing.

/əˈbaʊt/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

You said you were fine with it.

/juː/ /sɛd/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /faɪn/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

Yeah, in front of Ted, but then I shot you a look.

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ʃɒt/ /juː/ /lʊk/

- What look? - This.

/wɒt/ /lʊk/

That doesn't seem like a look.

/ðæt/ /siːm/ /laɪk/ /lʊk/

Yes it is. It means, "I'm upset call me later."

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ʌpˈsɛt/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /ˈleɪtər/

You should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /miː/ /ænd/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /wɒt/ /lʊk/

If I pulled you aside, I wouldn't need the look.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /niːd/ /lʊk/

Well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look...

/wɛl/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ɪf/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /mɔːr/ /lʊk/

Okay, the look isn't important.

/lʊk/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

What's important is that I can't stand the idea

/ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /stænd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

of Marshall dating another woman.

/ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

I mean, what if he falls in love with her?

/miːn/ /wɒt/ /ɪf/ /hiː/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

/wɛl/ /ɪf/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Ted says she has the crazy eyes.

/ʃiː/ /hæz/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /aɪz/

What's that?

/ðæt/

Apparently, a thing women have that guys can see

/θɪŋ/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪz/ /kæn/ /siː/

and it tells them that the girl's crazy.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /ðɛm/ /ðæt/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy

/kaɪnd/ /laɪk/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɒnt/ /deɪt/ /ɡaɪ/

with perfect fingernails?

/wɪð/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/

Jerk nails. Exactly.

/dʒɜːrk/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/

Well, did-did Ted say whether she was good-looking?

/wɛl/ /seɪ/ /ˈwɛðər/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/

I mean, 'cause if I knew she was ugly,

/miːn/ /kɔːz/ /ɪf/ /njuː/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈʌɡli/

then maybe I wouldn't be so freaked out.

/ðɛn/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /biː/ /aʊt/

Uh, he didn't say, but you can find out.

/hiː/ /seɪ/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /kæn/ /faɪnd/ /aʊt/

I think her name is Chloe-- she works at Cosa Coffee on 78th.

/θɪŋk/ /hɜːr/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/ /ʃiː/ /wɜːrks/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /ɒn/

Phone call for Swarles Barkley?

/foʊn/ /kɔːl/ /fɔːr/

Hey, Ted. No, he's not here.

/noʊ/ /hɪr/

Good one, though-- remember that one.

/ɡʊd/ /ðoʊ/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/

Is, um, Chloe here?

/ɪz/ /hɪr/

She just left. You can probably still catch her.

/ʃiː/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛft/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /hɜːr/

She's easy to spot-- she's got a pink umbrella.

/ˈiː.zi/ /spɒt/ /ʌmˈbrɛlə/

Oh, thanks, Brian.

My name is Scott.

/maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

Your tag says Brian.

/jʊr/

I know. Funny story.

/noʊ/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /ˈstɔːri/

So, I wake up this morning, and...

/weɪk/ /ʌp/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ænd/

Yeah, see you later, Brian.

/siː/ /juː/ /ˈleɪtər/

There she is.

/ðɛr/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/

She doesn't look that great.

/ʃiː/ /lʊk/ /ðæt/ /ɡreɪt/

She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything.

/fæt/ /bʌt/ /ðæt/ /miːn/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

I know tons of skinny, ugly women.

/noʊ/ /ˈʌɡli/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class,

/raɪt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /maɪ/ /ˈjoʊɡə/ /klæs/

I'm talking to you.

/juː/

Come on, Chloe, turn around.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/

Here we go. Turn around, Chloe.

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/

Come on, show me that hideous face.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ʃoʊ/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /feɪs/

Damn it!

/ɪt/

Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her,

/noʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /hɜːr/

then I'll cut back so I... Aah!

/ðɛn/ /kʌt/ /bæk/

Oh, my God, that hurts!

/maɪ/ /ðæt/ /hɜːrts/

Turn around! Come on!

/tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

Just turn around!

/dʒʌst/ /tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/

Okay, this is ridiculous.

/ɪz/

Hey! Hey!

Turn around! What's the matter with you?

/tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ˈmætər/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Hey, you!

/juː/

Turn around!

/tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/

Turn around, Chloe!

/tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/

She's hot? I'm so sorry.

/hɒt/ /ˈsɒr.i/

No, it's fine.

/noʊ/ /faɪn/

I-It just makes things easier.

/dʒʌst/ /θɪŋz/

Now that I know she's a threat,

/naʊ/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/

all I have to do is keep Marshall from ever seeing her again.

/ɔːl/ /hæv/ /duː/ /ɪz/ /kiːp/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hɜːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

Okay, I have two plans-- you can help me choose.

/hæv/ /tuː/ /juː/ /kæn/ /hɛlp/ /miː/ /tʃuːz/

Plan A--

/plæn/

remember that time Marshall and I had sex in the bathroom?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /sɛks/ /ˈbæθruːm/

Oops, I got knocked up.

/ʌp/

- Lily. - Okay, plan B

/plæn/

is called "Chloe's Accident."

/ɪz/

- Just stop. - What?

/dʒʌst/ /stɒp/ /wɒt/

Lily, you can't do any of those things.

/juː/ /duː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ðoʊz/ /θɪŋz/

If you two are ever gonna get back together,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /tuː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

you have to let him work out whatever this is.

/juː/ /hæv/ /lɛt/ /hɪm/ /wɜːrk/ /aʊt/ /ɪz/

I know. You're right.

/noʊ/ /raɪt/

Now, come on, Ted asked us to be upstairs at 6:00.

/naʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ʌs/ /biː/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/

Some surprise for Barney.

/sʌm/ /sərˈpraɪz/ /fɔːr/

- Barney? - Uh, Swarley. -Barney? -Uh, Swarley.

- Hey, guys. - Hey.

/ɡaɪz/

Where's Marshall?

Oh, he's getting a haircut.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

Oh. For his date.

/fɔːr/ /hɪz/ /deɪt/

Good for him.

/ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/

Hope he has a good time tonight.

/hoʊp/ /hiː/ /hæz/ /ɡʊd/ /taɪm/ /təˈnaɪt/

Relax, you've got nothing to worry about.

/rɪˈlæks/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/

The girl's crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

Thanks!

He'll just have wild monkey sex with her five times, max,

/dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /waɪld/ /ˈmʌŋki/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /faɪv/ /taɪmz/

and be done with her.

/ænd/ /biː/ /dʌn/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

Thanks again.

/əˈɡɛn/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

I just wanted to listen to a little music, that's all.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈmjuːzɪk/ /ɔːl/

And this next one's going out to Swarley.

/ænd/ /nɛkst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /aʊt/

All your friends know you miss Barney,

/ɔːl/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /mɪs/

but he's gone, and you got to accept that, baby.

/bʌt/ /ɡɔːn/ /ænd/ /juː/ /əkˈsɛpt/ /ðæt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

And, Swarley, you're gonna be a better woman for it.

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Here's "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy.

/ˈwʊm.ən/

Ha-ha! Now I'm a woman. I love it!

/naʊ/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /lʌv/ /ɪt/

You know, I was thinking about this whole new name thing last night,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hoʊl/ /njuː/ /neɪm/ /θɪŋ/ /læst/ /naɪt/

and you know what I realized? I like it.

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

You like being called Swarley?

/juː/ /laɪk/

Are you kidding? I want you to call me that.

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /ðæt/

Do you really think this is gonna work?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪz/ /wɜːrk/

Do I think what's gonna work? I'm just saying, I love my new name,

/duː/ /θɪŋk/ /wɜːrk/ /dʒʌst/ /lʌv/ /maɪ/ /njuː/ /neɪm/

so please only call me that from now on.

/pliːz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /kɔːl/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /naʊ/ /ɒn/

Call you what?

/kɔːl/ /juː/ /wɒt/

You know, that-that-that new name that you've been calling me.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /njuː/ /neɪm/ /ðæt/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /miː/

Say it.

/seɪ/ /ɪt/

Why? You guys know what it is.

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

Say the name.

/seɪ/ /neɪm/

No, I don't want to! I hate it!

/noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /heɪt/ /ɪt/

I hate it! It's not funny!

/heɪt/ /ɪt/ /ˈfʌn.i/

It's never been funny! I've never done any...

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /dʌn/ /ˈɛn.i/

No!

/noʊ/

Man, he is really gonna lose it

/mæn/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /luːz/ /ɪt/

when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in.

/wɛn/ /ɔːl/ /ˌmæɡəˈziːn/ /stɑːrt/

I signed him up for People in Espanol,

/saɪnd/ /hɪm/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

but I addressed it to Swarlos.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/

Hey, where's the picture of Marshall and me at the pier?

/ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ænd/ /miː/

Didn't it used to be by that window?

/ɪt/ /biː/ /ðæt/ /ˈwɪndoʊ/

Oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left.

/hiː/ /hiː/ /sɔːrt/ /tʊk/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /lɛft/

Put it behind some books, I think.

/pʊt/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /sʌm/ /θɪŋk/

Oh, well-well, maybe I should put it back up.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃʊd/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /bæk/ /ʌp/

Why, so Chloe'll see it and get scared off?

/waɪ/ /siː/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /skɛrd/ /ɒf/

No.

/noʊ/

So Marshall'll see it and feel guilty.

/siː/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /fiːl/ /ˈɡɪlti/

Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay.

But she wasn't okay.

/bʌt/ /ʃiː/

Later that night, while Marshall was on his date,

/ˈleɪtər/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/ /waɪl/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /deɪt/

Lily came back.

/bæk/

...anymore.

/ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Pretty impressive, huh?

/ˈprɪti/

Wow, you really did memorize all the lyrics to "We Didn't Start the Fire."

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dɪd/ /ˈmɛməraɪz/ /ɔːl/ /wiː/ /stɑːrt/ /faɪər/

Can I, uh, can I get you a drink?

/kæn/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /drɪŋk/

I'd love a beer.

/lʌv/ /bɪər/

You got it.

/juː/ /ɪt/

Lily did what any sensible woman would do.

/dɪd/ /wɒt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /wʊd/ /duː/

She hid under the desk.

/ʃiː/ /ˈʌndər/ /dɛsk/

And she stayed there, listening to her ex-fiance

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /ðɛr/ /ˈlɪsənɪŋ/ /hɜːr/

on a date with another woman.

/ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

I had a really nice time tonight.

/hæd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /naɪs/ /taɪm/ /təˈnaɪt/

Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.

/miː/ /stɒp/

I like your eyes a lot, too.

/laɪk/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/ /lɒt/

Finally, much like Billy Joel,

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /mʌtʃ/ /laɪk/

she couldn't take it anymore.

/ʃiː/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Stop!

/stɒp/

Hi. I'm Lily.

Lily... Lily, what the hell are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

I don't know. I... I don't know... what I'm doing.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Oh, pumpkin beer-- that was a good one.

/ˈpʌmpkɪn/ /bɪər/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡʊd/

I'm just... I'm gonna go. I... I'm so sorry.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈsɒr.i/

En-Enjoy the rest of your date.

/rɛst/ /jʊr/ /deɪt/

She seems nice.

/ʃiː/ /naɪs/

- Lilly, what the hell... - I'm sorry.

/wɒt/ /ˈsɒr.i/

I only snuck up there because...

/ˈoʊnli/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

when I saw how cute she was yesterday, I freaked out.

/wɛn/ /sɔː/ /haʊ/ /kjuːt/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/ /aʊt/

Lily, you saw her yesterday?

/juː/ /sɔː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/

Yeah, I... kind of chased her down the street.

/kaɪnd/ /hɜːr/ /daʊn/ /striːt/

Wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp?

/weɪt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /wɪð/

Yeah. Yeah.

And she didn't break the picture, I did.

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /breɪk/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /dɪd/

So Chloe's not crazy, she's...

/ˈkreɪzi/

just a nice, normal girl.

/dʒʌst/ /naɪs/ /ˈnɔːrməl/ /ɡɜːrl/

Yeah, she is.

/ʃiː/ /ɪz/

And you deserve a nice, normal girl.

/ænd/ /juː/ /naɪs/ /ˈnɔːrməl/ /ɡɜːrl/

So, why don't you just go back up there

/waɪ/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /bæk/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/

and-and finish your date.

/ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/ /jʊr/ /deɪt/

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did she think you were a guy?

/weɪt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ðɛn/ /waɪ/ /dɪd/ /ʃiː/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ɡaɪ/

I-I might have used a voice that sounded like this.

/maɪt/ /hæv/ /vɔɪs/ /ðæt/ /laɪk/

- Why? - Because I didn't want

/waɪ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒnt/

her to know it was me, which I now realize doesn't make sense,

/hɜːr/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /miː/ /wɪtʃ/ /naʊ/ /meɪk/ /sɛns/

because she hadn't even met me.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ʃiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /miː/

You're crazy.

/ˈkreɪzi/

You have... crazier eyes than anybody that I have ever met.

/juː/ /hæv/ /aɪz/ /ðæn/ /ˈɛn.i.bɒd.i/ /ðæt/ /hæv/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Shouldn't you be going back up...

/juː/ /biː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /bæk/ /ʌp/

I mean, you're out of your mind.

/miːn/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/

You're... just absolutely insane.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/ /ɪnˈseɪn/

Shouldn't you be going back upstairs?

/juː/ /biː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /bæk/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/

I've missed you so much.

/mɪst/ /juː/ /mʌtʃ/

Okay, I ran it by the group,

/ræn/ /ɪt/ /ɡruːp/

and we decided we're gonna give you a choice.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /tʃɔɪs/

We will agree to stop calling you Swarley,

/wiː/ /wɪl/ /əˈɡriː/ /stɒp/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /juː/

but instead, we'll call you Jennifer.

/bʌt/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

Well? Well?

/wɛl/ /wɛl/

I'm thinking.

How about this? On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays...

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɒn/ /ænd/

Hey. Hey.

Look at this.

/lʊk/

So right there, in the exact same place

/raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /seɪm/ /pleɪs/

that six months earlier I had walked up and found Marshall alone,

/ðæt/ /sɪks/ /ˈɜːrliər/ /hæd/ /ʌp/ /ænd/ /əˈloʊn/

crying over his breakup with Lily, I found him again.

/ˈkraɪɪŋ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪz/ /ˈbreɪkʌp/ /wɪð/ /hɪm/ /əˈɡɛn/

Only this time he wasn't alone,

/ˈoʊnli/ /taɪm/ /hiː/ /əˈloʊn/

and he was happy.

/ænd/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈhæp.i/

So we went to the bar to celebrate, and it was great.

/wiː/ /wɛnt/ /bɑːr/ /ˈsɛlɪbreɪt/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ɡreɪt/

I was with Robin, Marshall and Lily were back together,

/wɒz/ /wɪð/ /ænd/ /wɜːr/ /bæk/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

and Barney had a cool new name.

/ænd/ /hæd/ /kuːl/ /njuː/ /neɪm/

All was right with the world...

/ɔːl/ /wɒz/ /raɪt/ /wɪð/ /wɜːrld/

until we got back to the apartment.

/ənˈtɪl/ /wiː/ /bæk/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Oh, my God.

/maɪ/

Hey, Chloe, I... Hey, Chloe, anh...

guess I forgot I left you up here.

/ɡɛs/ /fərˈɡɒt/ /lɛft/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /hɪr/

I was gonna leave, but I can't find my keys.

/wɒz/ /liːv/ /bʌt/ /faɪnd/ /maɪ/ /kiːz/

They're right there on the coffee table.

/raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /ɒn/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

Silly me.

/ˈsɪli/ /miː/

I must have looked everywhere else.

/mʌst/ /hæv/ /ˈɛvriwɛr/ /ɛls/

Well... I'm just gonna go.

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/

Oh, I don't think we've met. I'm Chloe.

/θɪŋk/

Robin. Robin.

It's nice to meet you, Roland.

/naɪs/ /miːt/ /juː/

I'll see you guys later.

/siː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈleɪtər/

Roland? Roland?

Your name's Roland.

/jʊr/

That's funny, right?

/ˈfʌn.i/ /raɪt/

Rock and Roland.

/ænd/

Warsaw is the capital of what? Roland.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/

You're Monica Roland-ski.

Hey, yeah, that's just how I Roland.

/dʒʌst/ /haʊ/

- Nice try, Swarley. - Damn it.

/naɪs/ /traɪ/ /ɪt/

Swarley! Swarley!