Season 3 · Tập 19

Kids, in the spring of 2008,

/kɪdz/ /sprɪŋ/

something kinda strange had been happening to your Uncle Barney.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /streɪndʒ/ /hæd/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈʌŋkəl/

He'd be doing great with a woman...

/biː/ /ɡreɪt/ /wɪð/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

So I throw the pressurized oxygen tank in his mouth,

/θroʊ/ /hɪz/ /maʊθ/

I shoot the tank, boom! No more shark.

/ʃuːt/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/

Mr. Holland and I swim back to shore.

/ænd/ /swɪm/ /bæk/

Let me freshen your drink.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /jʊr/ /drɪŋk/

He'd only be gone a few moments, but when he returned...

/ˈoʊnli/ /biː/ /ɡɔːn/ /fjuː/ /bʌt/ /wɛn/ /hiː/

So where were we?

/wɛr/ /wɜːr/ /wiː/

...he'd get slapped.

/ɡɛt/

It kept happening.

/ɪt/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/

Until finally, Lily was approached by a mysterious woman

/ənˈtɪl/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /wɒz/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

who warned her to stay away from Barney.

/huː/ /hɜːr/ /steɪ/ /əˈweɪ/

So when it happened once more...

/wɛn/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /wʌns/ /mɔːr/

Again?! Really?! Wait...

/əˈɡɛn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /weɪt/

...Barney knew who to look for.

/njuː/ /huː/ /lʊk/ /fɔːr/

Hey, excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over?

/dɪd/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /skruː/ /juː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

No.

/noʊ/

What are you doing on Friday?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɒn/

Amy? Amy?

Abby. Abby.

Right.

/raɪt/

How I Met Your Mother 3x19 - Everything Must Go - How I Met Your Mother 3x19 - Everything Must Go -

/haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /mʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /mʌst/ /ɡoʊ/

Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row...

/kɪdz/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /juː/ /kæn/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /raɪt/ /taɪmz/ /roʊ/

A rainbow! That's beautiful!

/ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

What a beautiful rainbow!

/wɒt/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

Another rainbow? It's beautiful!

/əˈnʌðər/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

But then, that thousand-and-first time...

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/

You're kidding me. Seriously, aren't you sick of these things?

/ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /miː/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /juː/ /sɪk/ /ðiːz/ /θɪŋz/

Hey, how was yo day?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /deɪ/

Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.

/təˈdeɪ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɡɜːrl/ /fɔːr/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/ /hæd/ /ɪt/

So, uh, I just met with the contractor.

/dʒʌst/ /wɪð/

And it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ðæt/ /njuː/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

is going to cost a lot more than the estimate.

/ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kɒst/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/

But we can barely afford that to begin with.

/bʌt/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /ðæt/ /bɪˈɡɪn/ /wɪð/

I hate to say this,

/heɪt/ /seɪ/

but I think you're going to have to sell your stuff.

/bʌt/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /sɛl/ /jʊr/ /stʌf/

Whoa! Marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡeɪm/ /wiː/ /pleɪ/ /ˈbɛdruːm/

I mean your clothes. All those designer pieces and everything.

/miːn/ /jʊr/ /kloʊðz/ /ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

What? Why just my clothes?

/wɒt/ /waɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /maɪ/ /kloʊðz/

We can sell my stuff, too, but I got to tell you,

/wiː/ /kæn/ /sɛl/ /maɪ/ /stʌf/ /bʌt/ /tɛl/ /juː/

I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my

/θɪŋk/ /jʊr/ /drɛs/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /maɪ/

- "Split Happens" bowling shirt. - Dude.

/splɪt/ /ˈhæpənz/ /ˈboʊlɪŋ/ /ʃɜːrt/

I'm not selling that.

/ðæt/

- I've already made the Website. - You made a Website?

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /ˈwɛbsaɪt/ /juː/ /ˈwɛbsaɪt/

Yeah, it's called "Lily-and-Marshall -sell-their-stuff-dot-com."

No, you know what would be a better name for the site?

/noʊ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /neɪm/ /fɔːr/ /saɪt/

Guy-forces-his-wife-to-dress-in-a-garbage -bag-for-the-next-three-years-dot-com.

That's real.

/riːl/

Now I'm worried. That woman is actually wearing a garbage bag.

/naʊ/ /ˈwʌrid/ /ðæt/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /ɪz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈɡɑːrbɪdʒ/ /bæɡ/

Hmm, but, girlfriend, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen.

/bʌt/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/ /juː/ /pʊl/ /ɒf/ /tɔːl/ /ˈkɪtʃɪn/

Why are you trying to ruin my life?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈruːɪn/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

Well, you slept with me and then you never called me again.

/wɛl/ /juː/ /slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /miː/ /ænd/ /ðɛn/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /miː/ /əˈɡɛn/

- And? - That's it.

/ænd/ /ɪt/

That's it?

/ɪt/

As far as I'm concerned, if I leave you safe on dry land

/fɑːr/ /ɪf/ /liːv/ /juː/ /seɪf/ /ɒn/ /draɪ/ /lænd/

with adequate transportation home, you've got nothing to complain about.

/wɪð/ /ˌtrænspərˈteɪʃən/ /hoʊm/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /kəmˈpleɪn/ /əˈbaʊt/

Well, it hurt, okay?

/wɛl/ /ɪt/ /hɜːrt/

And then Ted, the love of my life, started dating my boss instead of me.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /lʌv/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /bɔːs/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /miː/

Do you know how that feels?

/duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /ðæt/ /fiːlz/

Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley.

/pʊr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

- Abby! - Abby. - Abby! - Abby.

A few weeks ago, Ted dumped me as his wingman.

/fjuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /dʌmpt/ /miː/ /hɪz/

You had a crush on him for a couple weeks?

/juː/ /hæd/ /ɒn/ /hɪm/ /fɔːr/ /ˈkʌpəl/

I was Ted's best friend for seven years.

/wɒz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɛvən/

- Ted said Marshall was his best friend. - Seven years!

/sɛd/ /wɒz/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/ /ˈsɛvən/

Sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Ted. What an idiot.

/wɒt/ /ˈɪdiət/

With his stupid "meaningful relationship" with Stella.

/wɪð/ /hɪz/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ /wɪð/

- Ted. - Ted. - Ted. - Ted.

- I hate Ted. - I hate Ted more.

/heɪt/ /heɪt/ /mɔːr/

- Are you as turned on as I am? - Probably not quite as much.

/juː/ /ɒn/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /kwaɪt/ /mʌtʃ/

I'm sorry I yelled out "Ted."

/ˈsɒr.i/ /aʊt/

I'm sorry I yelled out "Abby."

/ˈsɒr.i/ /aʊt/

I am Abby.

Oh, cool.

/kuːl/

This is insane.

/ɪz/ /ɪnˈseɪn/

Has Lily even worn half this stuff?

/hæz/ /ˈiːvən/ /hæf/ /stʌf/

Oh, yeah, like there's nothing in your closet you've never worn?

/laɪk/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

As a matter of fact, no, there isn't.

/ˈmætər/ /fækt/ /noʊ/ /ðɛr/

Whatever, red cowboy boots.

/rɛd/

Those are nice boots. I totally pull those off.

/ðoʊz/ /naɪs/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /pʊl/ /ðoʊz/ /ɒf/

If I were to say "Ted could never pull them off,"

/ɪf/ /wɜːr/ /seɪ/ /kʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /pʊl/ /ðɛm/ /ɒf/

- what would I be talking about? - His red cowboy boots.

/wɒt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɪz/ /rɛd/

I totally pull them off! It's a classic Western look.

/ˈtoʊtəli/ /pʊl/ /ðɛm/ /ɒf/ /ˈklæsɪk/ /lʊk/

Oh, okay, uh, today's category:

classic Westerns that involve red cowboy boots.

/ˈklæsɪk/ /ðæt/ /ɪnˈvɒlv/ /rɛd/

Robin. Robin.

"The Good, the Bad, and the Fabulous."

/ɡʊd/ /bæd/ /ænd/

"The Magnificent Kevin."

"No Country for Straight Men."

/noʊ/ /ˈkʌn.tri/ /fɔːr/ /streɪt/ /mɛn/

I don't want to sell my clothes!

/wɒnt/ /sɛl/ /maɪ/ /kloʊðz/

I know, sweetie. Come here.

/noʊ/ /ˈswiːti/ /kʌm/ /hɪr/

Is this a hundred percent silk?

/ɪz/ /ˈhʌndrəd/ /pərˈsɛnt/

Lily, listen, we really need the money.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /wiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /niːd/ /ˈmʌn.i/

I have some leads on a job, but until then, I just...

/hæv/ /sʌm/ /ɒn/ /dʒɒb/ /bʌt/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ðɛn/ /dʒʌst/

I don't know what else we can do.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɛls/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /duː/

I'll sell my paintings!

/sɛl/ /maɪ/

What?

/wɒt/

Yeah, I'll sell my paintings.

/sɛl/ /maɪ/

Good oil paintings go for like, $500.

/ɡʊd/ /ɔɪl/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /laɪk/

Yeah. Totally.

/ˈtoʊtəli/

But...

/bʌt/

Kids, sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row...

/kɪdz/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /juː/ /kæn/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /raɪt/ /taɪmz/ /roʊ/

I love it.

/lʌv/ /ɪt/

It's a masterpiece.

/ˈmɑːstəpiːs/

That's it. We're selling the TV.

/ɪt/

I just want to come home and stare at this all day.

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /kʌm/ /hoʊm/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/

Somebody call the cops!

/ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /kɔːl/

My wife stole an awesome painting from the museum!

/maɪ/ /waɪf/ /stoʊl/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /mjuˈziːəm/

But then, that thousand-and-first time...

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/

...that kind of money only goes for real paintings.

/ðæt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɡoʊz/ /fɔːr/ /riːl/

What does that mean?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /miːn/

Look, it just means that we need money right now and I'm not sure that

/lʊk/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ænd/ /ʃʊr/ /ðæt/

selling your paintings is how we're going to get it.

/jʊr/ /ɪz/ /haʊ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

You don't believe in me.

/juː/ /bɪˈliːv/ /miː/

No, wait, wait! Of c...

/noʊ/ /weɪt/ /weɪt/

of course I believe in you!

/kɔːrs/ /bɪˈliːv/ /juː/

Marshall, I am proud of my work as an artist.

/praʊd/ /maɪ/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈɑːrtɪst/

My paintings are good. I bet Robin would buy one.

/maɪ/ /ɡʊd/ /bɛt/ /wʊd/ /baɪ/

What now?

/wɒt/ /naʊ/

I love your painting, I just... I'm trying to be realistic.

/lʌv/ /jʊr/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /biː/

Well, how much money do we need for the contractor to finish the job?

/wɛl/ /haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /duː/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /fɔːr/ /ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/ /dʒɒb/

About 1,500 bucks.

/əˈbaʊt/

So, if I can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, then

/ɪf/ /kæn/ /sɛl/ /θriː/ /maɪ/ /pɒp/ /ðɛn/

I get to keep all my clothes.

/ɡɛt/ /kiːp/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /kloʊðz/

- We need money fast. - Well, give me a week.

/wiː/ /niːd/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /fæst/ /wɛl/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /wiːk/

Okay, a week.

/wiːk/

- Fine. - Fine.

/faɪn/ /faɪn/

Fine.

/faɪn/

Pulling. Them. Off.

/ðɛm/ /ɒf/

Lily's first move in the great art challenge of 2008

/fɜːrst/ /muːv/ /ɡreɪt/ /ɑːrt/ /ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

was to display one of her favorite paintings at her friend's gallery.

/wɒz/ /dɪˈspleɪ/ /hɜːr/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /hɜːr/ /ˈɡæləri/

The night didn't go so well.

/naɪt/ /ɡoʊ/ /wɛl/

But then at the last minute...

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /læst/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

- I love it. - You do?

/lʌv/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /duː/

Your top. It's gorgeous. Is that 100% silk?

/jʊr/ /tɒp/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

It's not for sale! My clothes are not for sale!

/fɔːr/ /maɪ/ /kloʊðz/ /fɔːr/

So the next day, Lily took her painting to a coffee house

/nɛkst/ /deɪ/ /tʊk/ /hɜːr/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /haʊs/

that displayed local artists.

/ðæt/ /ˈloʊkl/

We've been sitting here for hours and nobody's even glanced at my painting.

/hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /ˈaʊərz/ /ænd/ /ˈiːvən/ /maɪ/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

Come on. Let's start talking it up.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /stɑːrt/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/

I really like that painting!

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

It's neat!

The-the colors are neat.

The-the shapes are neat.

It's really just... neat.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dʒʌst/

What?

/wɒt/

Observe.

I think there's a dynamic quality to the brushwork that,

/θɪŋk/ /daɪˈnæm.ɪk/ /ðæt/

combined with the fluid composition,

/wɪð/

creates an almost Kandinsky-like emotional resonance.

/ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /ɪˈmoʊʃənəl/

Yes, and you can still enjoy it even if you're not a pretentious douche.

/ænd/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ɪt/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/

Can you clarify something for me about your critique?

/kæn/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/

Are the colors "neat" or are they more "neato burrito?"

/ðeɪ/ /mɔːr/

Uh, then again, red cowboy boots.

/ðɛn/ /əˈɡɛn/ /rɛd/

I pull these off! I pull these off!

/pʊl/ /ðiːz/ /ɒf/ /pʊl/ /ðiːz/ /ɒf/

You know what I hate most about Ted?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /heɪt/ /moʊst/ /əˈbaʊt/

What?

/wɒt/

His stupid hair.

/hɪz/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /hɛr/

His stupid, lame awesome hair.

/hɪz/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /hɛr/

It's so stupid and awesome.

/ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ænd/ /ˈɔːsəm/

You know what I hate most about Ted?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /heɪt/ /moʊst/ /əˈbaʊt/

What?

/wɒt/

How he's always like, "Oh, I want to fall in love and have a relationship.

/haʊ/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /laɪk/ /wɒnt/ /fɔːl/ /lʌv/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

I care about the people I have sex with." He's so lame.

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /hæv/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/

He's so lame and awesome.

/ænd/ /ˈɔːsəm/

You know what he needs?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /hiː/

He needs to see just how horrible he is when he's in a relationship.

/hiː/ /siː/ /dʒʌst/ /haʊ/ /ˈhɒrɪbl/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /wɛn/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

Yeah, and I need to show Ted that I'm over him.

/ænd/ /niːd/ /ʃoʊ/ /ðæt/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪm/

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

/juː/ /wɒt/

I think so.

/θɪŋk/

You're thinking of having sex with Ted?

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/

After four days without selling a single painting, Lily was getting desperate.

/ˈæf.tər/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

Painting for sale! $500!

/ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /fɔːr/

Lifelong dream hanging in the balance!

/driːm/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/

It's like they don't even see us.

/laɪk/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈiːvən/ /siː/ /ʌs/

Yeah, we're dirt to them.

/ðɛm/

What do you need money for?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /niːd/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /fɔːr/

Oh, I'm trying to fix the hardwood floors in my new apartment.

/fɪks/ /maɪ/ /njuː/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

You?

/juː/

Heroin. Heroin.

- Do you like heroin? - Love it.

/duː/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /lʌv/ /ɪt/

If you sell that, I'm going to take your money and go buy some more heroin.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /sɛl/ /ðæt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /teɪk/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ænd/ /ɡoʊ/ /baɪ/ /sʌm/ /mɔːr/

Thanks for your honesty, Crazy Sock Guy.

/fɔːr/ /jʊr/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /ɡaɪ/

- Oh, I'm never gonna sell this... - It's not very good.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɛl/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ɡʊd/

And just as she was about to lose all hope,

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /luːz/ /ɔːl/ /hoʊp/

something amazing happened.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/

Oh, my God!

/maɪ/

500 bucks! Who's a real painter now, Marshall?

/riːl/ /naʊ/

Honey, I never said you weren't a real painter.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɛd/ /juː/ /riːl/

I know, sweetie.

/noʊ/ /ˈswiːti/

And since I'm a professional artist now,

/ænd/ /sɪns/ /prəˈfɛʃənl/ /ˈɑːrtɪst/ /naʊ/

I'm going to sketch you an Aldrin original,

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /juː/ /əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/

you know, to say thanks for being such a supportive husband.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /seɪ/ /fɔːr/ /sʌtʃ/ /ˈhʌzbənd/

I'm thinking about calling it...

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /ɪt/

"Suck It!"

/ɪt/

Lily, come on. I'm proud of you. Who-who bought it?

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /praʊd/ /juː/ /bɔːt/ /ɪt/

Well, that's the best part. A gay couple without kids.

/wɛl/ /bɛst/ /pɑːrt/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /kɪdz/

A G-CWOK! A G-CWOK!

- You bagged a G-CWOK?! - Yeah, that's right.

/juː/ /raɪt/

They are the heart and soul of the art-buying community.

/ðeɪ/ /hɑːrt/ /ænd/ /kəˈmjuːnɪti/

You know what you should do? You should call up the G-CWOKs

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /duː/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /kɔːl/ /ʌp/

and offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party

/ænd/ /ˈɒfər/ /ðɛm/ /friː/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /θroʊ/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/ /ɑːrt/ /ˈpɑːrti/

for all their G-CWOK friends.

/fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /ðɛr/ /frɛndz/

That's an amazing idea. I'm going to go call them.

/əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /kɔːl/ /ðɛm/

I can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare.

/kæn/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /sɛl/ /tuː/ /mɔːr/ /wɪð/ /taɪm/

Oh, wait, Marshall. There was something I had to tell you. What was it?

/weɪt/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /hæd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/

Oh, that's right.

/raɪt/

Suck it.

/ɪt/

Hey.

Ted, fancy bumping into you here.

/juː/ /hɪr/

Have you guys met my girlfriend Abby?

/hæv/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/

- Uh, yeah. Hi, Abby. So... - Hello, Abby.

So you guys are dating now?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /naʊ/

That's right.

/raɪt/

I am done with this whole being awesome thing.

/dʌn/ /wɪð/ /hoʊl/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /θɪŋ/

Now I'm all about farmers' markets and

/naʊ/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

day hikes in matching khaki cargo shorts. Isn't that right, sweetie?

/deɪ/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/ /ˈswiːti/

That's right. And girlfriends are lame.

/raɪt/ /ænd/

Unless they're me. I miss you, Ted.

/ənˈlɛs/ /miː/ /mɪs/ /juː/

Abby and I are in love.

/ænd/ /lʌv/

Not hot passionate love.

/hɒt/ /lʌv/

Couple love.

/ˈkʌpəl/ /lʌv/

You know, movie night with my girlfriend,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /naɪt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/

then waiting for her to go to bed

/ðɛn/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /ɡoʊ/ /bɛd/

so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy

/kæn/ /stiːl/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor.

/koʊld/ /bluː/ /laɪt/ /maɪ/

We're showing Ted how lame he is.

/haʊ/ /hiː/ /ɪz/

You don't have to say it, though.

/juː/ /hæv/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/ /ðoʊ/

Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop.

/juː/ /kæn/ /stɒp/

Stop what, Ted? Stop being in love?

/stɒp/ /wɒt/ /stɒp/ /lʌv/

Next he'll ask us to stop breathing.

/nɛkst/ /æsk/ /ʌs/ /stɒp/

We can't stop breathing, Ted.

/wiː/ /stɒp/

Your hair looks amazing.

/jʊr/ /hɛr/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

Barney, I, I see what you're doing. Please stop.

/siː/ /wɒt/ /pliːz/ /stɒp/

Not before I share with you what being in a relationship leads to, Ted.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /ʃɛr/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

Abby, Pookie Bear...

/bɛr/

I am so pathetically desperate for you, that...

/fɔːr/ /juː/ /ðæt/

aw, heck, I'll just say it.

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/

- Will you marry me? - Wait, really?

/wɪl/ /juː/ /ˈmæri/ /miː/ /weɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

I would never joke about true love.

/wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /dʒoʊk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /truː/ /lʌv/

- Yes, I'll marry you. - Okay.

/ˈmæri/ /juː/

Thank you, thank you.

/juː/ /juː/

I have to call my mom.

/hæv/ /kɔːl/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

That's you.

/juː/

Uh, yeah, I don't think Abby knows you're kidding.

/θɪŋk/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

Uh, yes, she does.

/ʃiː/ /dʌz/

It finally happened, Mama.

/ɪt/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /ˈhæpənd/ /ˈmɑːmə/

I just wish Daddy were alive to walk me down the aisle.

/dʒʌst/ /wɪʃ/ /ˈdædi/ /wɜːr/ /əˈlaɪv/ /wɔːk/ /miː/ /daʊn/

Totally committed to the bit.

/ˈtoʊtəli/

Yes, Lily Aldrin. I sold you the painting earlier today.

/soʊld/ /juː/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /ˈɜːrliər/ /təˈdeɪ/

Oh, honey, hello.

/ˈhʌni/

You sound happy.

/juː/ /saʊnd/ /ˈhæp.i/

Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now.

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Well, I just wanted to offer you an exclusive chance

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɒfər/ /juː/ /tʃæns/

to view some of my other paintings.

/sʌm/ /maɪ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, oh, I guess I should have told you.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈswiːti/ /ɡɛs/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /toʊld/ /juː/

We just bought that for the frame.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /bɔːt/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/

What?

/wɒt/

Yeah, it's an original Anton Kreutzer,

/əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/

a very rare frame from the turn of the century.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /rɛr/ /tɜːrn/

So... you didn't like my painting?

/juː/ /laɪk/ /maɪ/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, no, not at all.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈswiːti/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/

But you know, good for you.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Well, if you didn't want the painting, can I...

/wɛl/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /kæn/

can I at least get it back?

/kæn/ /liːst/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /bæk/

Yeah, no, we don't have it anymore.

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ɪt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Where is it?

/wɛr/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

I see.

/siː/

H-He threw out my painting.

/aʊt/ /maɪ/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

Champagne for everyone, on me,

/ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ɒn/ /miː/

the happiest guy in the world.

/ɡaɪ/ /wɜːrld/

Ginger ale. It's a bit.

This is great.

/ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/

My dream of becoming an artist is dead,

/maɪ/ /driːm/ /ˈɑːrtɪst/ /ɪz/ /dɛd/

and now I'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /ˈwɔːrdroʊb/ /piːs/ /piːs/

There goes my favorite dress.

/ðɛr/ /ɡoʊz/ /maɪ/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /drɛs/

This dress meant a lot to me.

/drɛs/ /lɒt/ /miː/

- Really? - Yeah.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

It was spring of 2004 and I had been having a hard few months.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /sprɪŋ/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /hɑːrd/ /fjuː/

Day-am.

I got a two-syllable "damn" in this dress.

/drɛs/

A two-syllable "damn."

- That's the dream. - Yeah.

/driːm/

Now she belongs to... CanadaGirl@MetroNewsOne.com.

/naʊ/ /ʃiː/ /kɒm/

It's still in the family.

/ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

Lily, you're not going to believe this.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /bɪˈliːv/

- Something amazing happened. - What?

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/ /wɒt/

I went to the G-CWOK's apartment.

/wɛnt/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Really? Why?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /waɪ/

Because I felt guilty.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /fɛlt/ /ˈɡɪlti/

This auction was my idea and now you've had to sit around all day

/wɒz/ /maɪ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ænd/ /naʊ/ /hæd/ /sɪt/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/

while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart the carcass of your wardrobe.

/waɪl/ /pɪk/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɔːrdroʊb/

It's still in the family.

/ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

And more importantly,

/ænd/ /mɔːr/

I honestly love that painting and

/ˈɒnɪstli/ /lʌv/ /ðæt/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /ænd/

I couldn't stand to think of it in a trashcan someplace.

/stænd/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/

Well, what happened?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

Well, hello.

/wɛl/

Hi, um... Lawrence. I'm here about the painting my wife Lily sold you...

/hɪr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /waɪf/ /soʊld/ /juː/

the one in the nice frame.

/naɪs/

Talk about a nice frame. My, my, you are a big one, aren't you?

/tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /naɪs/ /maɪ/ /maɪ/ /juː/ /bɪɡ/ /juː/

And you're married to that little bit of a thing. How does that work?

/ænd/ /ˈmærid/ /ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /θɪŋ/ /haʊ/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /wɜːrk/

I'd like to find out.

/laɪk/ /faɪnd/ /aʊt/

Yeah, we get it. Gay guys like you.

/wiː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /ɡaɪz/ /laɪk/ /juː/

No, Lily,

/noʊ/

they love me, but that's not the important part.

/ðeɪ/ /lʌv/ /miː/ /bʌt/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /pɑːrt/

Here's the important part.

/ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /pɑːrt/

Since you're clearly a man of impeccable taste and style,

/sɪns/ /ˈklɪərli/ /mæn/ /teɪst/ /ænd/ /staɪl/

I came down here to ask you:

/daʊn/ /hɪr/ /æsk/ /juː/

what do you think of the boots?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

Boots.

Pulling. Them. Off.

/ðɛm/ /ɒf/

I'll be in the cab.

/biː/ /kæb/

G-CWOK-approved.

The painting.

/ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

Right, so, um, they told me they threw it in the building's Dumpster.

/raɪt/ /ðeɪ/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ðeɪ/ /ɪt/

It wasn't in there, but the super told me that he'd seen one Dr. Greer,

/ɪt/ /ðɛr/ /bʌt/ /ˈsuːpər/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ðæt/

a veterinarian who works in the building,

/huː/ /wɜːrks/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

take the painting out of the trash.

/teɪk/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /træʃ/

Dr. Greer? Who's Dr. Greer and why did he take my painting?

/ænd/ /waɪ/ /dɪd/ /hiː/ /teɪk/ /maɪ/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

You're about to find out.

/əˈbaʊt/ /faɪnd/ /aʊt/

Long story short, I had to make a trash run.

/lɔːŋ/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ʃɔːrt/ /hæd/ /meɪk/ /træʃ/ /rʌn/

Been a busy day... lots of neuterings.

/ˈbɪzi/ /deɪ/

Ooh, we don't need the details.

/wiː/ /niːd/

Oh, no no no, it's not what you think.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

Yeah, yeah, yeah, mostly just dog testicles. Anyway...

/dʒʌst/ /dɔːɡ/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

I noticed your painting

/jʊr/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

just sitting right there on top and I thought, "Hey, free painting,"

/dʒʌst/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /ɒn/ /tɒp/ /ænd/ /θɔːt/ /friː/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

so I brought it upstairs and hung it up in Exam Room 3,

/ɪt/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /ɪɡˈzæm/ /ruːm/

and then the strangest thing happened.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/

Hey, Muffin.

Whoa, I think he remembers me from the last time he was here.

/θɪŋk/ /hiː/ /miː/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /hɪr/

Take Muffin to Exam Room 3. I'll meet you there.

/teɪk/ /ɪɡˈzæm/ /ruːm/ /miːt/ /juː/ /ðɛr/

I went in, expecting the worst.

/wɛnt/ /wɜːrst/

I'd never seen Muffin that calm,

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ðæt/ /kɑːm/

and then a little later the same thing happened again with Tidbit...

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈleɪtər/ /seɪm/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpənd/ /əˈɡɛn/ /wɪð/

and King Larry...

/ænd/ /kɪŋ/

and again with the Weinstein triplets.

/ænd/ /əˈɡɛn/ /wɪð/

Something about your art

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/ /ɑːrt/

speaks to the canine sensibility on a very primal level.

/ɒn/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈlɛv.əl/

- Really? Dogs like my paintings? - Yeah.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dɒɡz/ /laɪk/ /maɪ/

But you know who it bums out? Birds.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Had a parrot in there today. He took one look at it,

/hæd/ /ðɛr/ /təˈdeɪ/ /hiː/ /tʊk/ /lʊk/ /ɪt/

pried open his cage, flew right into the ceiling fan.

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /hɪz/ /raɪt/ /ˈsiːlɪŋ/ /fæn/

Anyway, because your first painting worked so well,

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /jʊr/ /fɜːrst/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /wɜːrkt/ /wɛl/

I convinced Dr. Greer to buy four more.

/baɪ/ /mɔːr/

- Really? - At $500 a piece.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /piːs/

That's two grand. That's more than we need for the contractor.

/tuː/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /fɔːr/

Yeah, but I was actually thinking we could reinvest it.

/bʌt/ /wɒz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /ɪt/

- In what? - In you.

/wɒt/ /juː/

Marshall explained that he was building a fancy new Web site

/ðæt/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /njuː/ /wɛb/ /saɪt/

specifically to sell Lily's artwork to veterinarians.

/sɛl/

Well, it's not exactly the clientele I had in mind, but...

/wɛl/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /hæd/ /maɪnd/ /bʌt/

thank you for believing in me.

/juː/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

Man, birds do not get you.

/mæn/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/

Hi, sweetie.

/ˈswiːti/

Hey, I think I left my tie here. Have you seen it?

/θɪŋk/ /lɛft/ /maɪ/ /taɪ/ /hɪr/ /hæv/ /juː/ /ɪt/

No, I'm in wedding-planning mode.

/noʊ/

Stressville. Population: me. Okay, big decision.

/miː/ /bɪɡ/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

What do you think the cake should be: Fudgie the Whale or Cookie Puss?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /keɪk/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/

Yeah, that was a bit. We were doing a bit.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/

So I'm thinking Labor Day. I was going to say Fourth of July,

/ˈleɪbər/ /deɪ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/

but I don't want to steal any attention away from America.

/bʌt/ /wɒnt/ /stiːl/ /ˈɛn.i/ /əˈweɪ/

Abby, I've... I've got some bad news.

/sʌm/ /bæd/ /njuːz/

- I can't marry you. - What?

/ˈmæri/ /juː/ /wɒt/

Ted begged me not to. I think he's in love with you.

/miː/ /θɪŋk/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /juː/

- Really? - Yes, our plan worked,

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /aʊər/ /plæn/ /wɜːrkt/

better than we ever dreamed. You have to go to him.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /wiː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /hɪm/

Here's his home address. But you know what? He works late,

/hɪz/ /hoʊm/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /hiː/ /wɜːrks/ /leɪt/

so I wouldn't go before 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.

/ɡoʊ/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Oh, my God, thank you. But now I feel wrong keeping this.

/maɪ/ /juː/ /bʌt/ /naʊ/ /fiːl/ /rɒŋ/

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. That's made of candy.

/ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/

Later.

/ˈleɪtər/

Hey, go to lilyandmarshallselltheirstuff.com or charityfolks.com.

/ɡoʊ/ /kɒm/ /kɒm/

We're having an auction to raise money

/ˈhævɪŋ/ /reɪz/ /ˈmʌn.i/

for the children's hospital of Los Angeles.

/fɔːr/ /ˈhɒspɪtəl/

You can get a tone of cool stuff from the show and it's all for a great cause.

/juː/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /kuːl/ /stʌf/ /ʃoʊ/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /fɔːr/ /ɡreɪt/ /kɔːz/

- Thanks. - Thanks.