Season 3 · Tập 6

It was a quiet November afternoon in 2007.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈkwaɪɪt/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/

I was working from home, because, you know, no distractions.

/wɒz/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /hoʊm/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

- This is incredible! I have big news. - Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

/ɪz/ /hæv/ /bɪɡ/ /njuːz/ /maɪ/ /bɪˈliːv/ /ɪt/

- I have big news. - Oh, my God!

/hæv/ /bɪɡ/ /njuːz/ /maɪ/

Okay, my thing's pretty huge. But fine, you can go first.

/maɪ/ /ˈprɪti/ /hjuːdʒ/ /bʌt/ /faɪn/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɜːrst/

Okay, I just found out...

/dʒʌst/ /aʊt/

I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!

What are you... what are talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

I'm talking about Welcome to the Sex Plane,

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈwɛlkəm/ /sɛks/ /pleɪn/

and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby.

/ænd/ /lʊk/ /huː/ /pleɪz/

It's the same exact spelling as my name.

/seɪm/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/

Okay, you know, cute coincidence, Barney. Whatever.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /kjuːt/

I just got off the phone with the NR...

/dʒʌst/ /ɒf/ /foʊn/ /wɪð/

Oh, my God, this totally explains the thing at my doctor's the other day.

/maɪ/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /θɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /deɪ/

Open wide.

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /waɪd/

I guess you're more used to saying that than hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby?

/ɡɛs/ /mɔːr/ /ðæt/ /ðæn/ /ɪt/

Who is this guy?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /ɡaɪ/

And why's my doctor watching porn?

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /ˈdɒktər/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

All right, let's meet your new doppelganger.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /miːt/ /jʊr/ /njuː/

Or should I say doppelbanger?

/ʃʊd/ /seɪ/

Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell you my news? It's pretty...

/ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /kæn/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /njuːz/ /ˈprɪti/

This is really bizarre.

/ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

The only other famous Mosby I know was

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈfeɪməs/ /noʊ/ /wɒz/

a Confederate general during the Civil War.

/ˈdʒɛnərəl/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /wɔːr/

Probably not the same guy.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /seɪm/ /ɡaɪ/

I got the job at the NRDC!

/dʒɒb/

You got the job! Oh!

/juː/ /dʒɒb/

The NRDC, or National Resources Defense Council,

/ˈnæʃənl/

fought to preserve America's clean water,

/prɪˈzɜːrv/ /kliːn/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

fresh air and pristine wilderness.

/frɛʃ/ /ɛr/ /ænd/

It was Marshall's dream job.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /driːm/ /dʒɒb/

- Congrats, buddy! - Thanks.

/ˈbʌdi/

It's kind of weird hugging with porn on.

/kaɪnd/ /wɪð/ /ɒn/

It really is.

/ɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪz/

Oh! Hey, hey-o! Oh! Hey, hey-o!

New guy entering the cockpit.

/njuː/ /ɡaɪ/

Could it be the navigator, Ted Mosby?

/kʊd/ /ɪt/ /biː/

Uh... no. No, navigators have three stripes on their hats.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /hæv/ /θriː/ /ɒn/ /ðɛr/

Captains have four. That guy's a captain.

/hæv/ /ðæt/ /ˈkæptɪn/

Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details

/ænd/ /ʃʊr/ /kəmˈpliːt/ /ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/

was very important to the directors...

/wɒz/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

"Dirt and Skank, The Raunch Brothers."

/ænd/

Baby, I have some exciting news!

/ˈbeɪbi/ /hæv/ /sʌm/ /ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /njuːz/

I hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here.

/hoʊp/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /wʌn/ /sʌm/ /sɔːrt/ /reɪs/ /hɪr/

I got the job at the NRDC!

/dʒɒb/

And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!

/ænd/

Oh my God, that's amazing!

/maɪ/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

I know, right?

/noʊ/ /raɪt/

- Oh, congratulations, Marshall! - Congratulations to us all!

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /ʌs/ /ɔːl/

Oh, let's go celebrate!

/ɡoʊ/ /ˈsɛlɪbreɪt/

The fact that I found a porno starring a guy named Ted Mosby... let's do it!

/fækt/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /neɪmd/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Oh, is that him?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /hɪm/

'Cause that Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing.

/kɔːz/ /ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒt/

No, that's not him.

/noʊ/ /hɪm/

What do you mean, "that" Ted Mosby really knows what he's doing.

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/ /ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒt/

Oh, no. No, I meant,

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

that Ted Mosby, he really knows what he's doing.

/ðæt/ /hiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒt/

Like all Ted Mosbys.

/laɪk/ /ɔːl/

Wow, NRDC! Way to go, Marshall.

/weɪ/ /ɡoʊ/

But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?

/bʌt/ /ɡoʊ/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /təˈdeɪ/ /raɪt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Marshall had an interview at a firm called Nicholson, Hewitt and West.

/hæd/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /ænd/ /wɛst/

They represented, well, pretty much everybody Marshall was going to sue

/ðeɪ/ /wɛl/ /ˈprɪti/ /mʌtʃ/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

once he started at the NRDC.

/wʌns/ /hiː/

I'm not doing that interview. Those people are evil.

/ðæt/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /ðoʊz/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈiːvəl/

Marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up.

/jʊr/ /dæd/ /wɛnt/ /θruː/ /lɒt/ /ˈtrʌbəl/ /sɛt/ /ʌp/

You can't just pull out at the last second.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /pʊl/ /aʊt/ /læst/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

Apparently you can.

/juː/ /kæn/

Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat! Three stripes!

/ɡaɪ/ /hæt/ /θriː/

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ted Mosby, porn star.

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /stɑːr/

- Oh. - Wow. - Oh. - Wow.

- Oh! - Oh. - Oh! - Oh.

I know what kind of plane this is. It's a "Boing."

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /pleɪn/ /ɪz/

See. This is way better than Marshall's internship.

/siː/ /ɪz/ /weɪ/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ˈɪntɜːrnʃɪp/

It's a real job.

/riːl/ /dʒɒb/

Who is this guy?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /ɡaɪ/

Are we related?

/wiː/ /rɪˈleɪtɪd/

Do, do I look like him?

/duː/ /duː/ /lʊk/ /laɪk/ /hɪm/

It's hard to tell. Go, go like this.

/hɑːrd/ /tɛl/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɡoʊ/ /laɪk/

- Oh, yeah, a little bit. - Yeah.

/ˈlɪt.əl/

- More around the eyes. - Oh, I do see that.

/mɔːr/ /əˈraʊnd/ /aɪz/ /duː/ /siː/ /ðæt/

How I Met Your Mother 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy - How I Met Your Mother 3x06 - I'm Not That Guy -

/haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

And here's your water, in case you're dehydrated, Ted Mosby.

/ænd/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

Very funny, Wendy. Now we know you watch porn.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /naʊ/ /wiː/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /wɒtʃ/

This Ted Mosby must be getting kind of famous.

/mʌst/ /biː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈfeɪməs/

You're not wrong.

/rɒŋ/

According to the Web site, of the far superior Ted Mosby...

/wɛb/ /saɪt/ /fɑːr/

he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies.

/ˈbɪznɪs/ /θriː/ /ænd/

Wow. That's 42 movies a month.

/mʌnθ/

Who is he, Jude Law?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /hiː/ /lɔː/

Right? He makes a lot of movies.

/raɪt/ /hiː/ /lɒt/

I mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like,

/miːn/ /mʌtʃ/ /bʌt/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /laɪk/

two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without...

/tuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /wɪˈðaʊt/

Oh, hey, look, check it out.

/lʊk/ /tʃɛk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Ted Mosby did an interview in Adult Video Weekly.

/dɪd/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /ˈædʌlt/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Adult Video Weekly?

/ˈædʌlt/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Oh, no.

/noʊ/

- Hello? - Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.

/fɔːr/

It's Leonard Ross from AVW.

Oh, my God! AVW?

/maɪ/

It's Architecture Vision Weekly!

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Wow, I've been reading your magazine since I was a little kid.

/ˈriː.dɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˌmæɡəˈziːn/ /sɪns/ /wɒz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪd/

Well, that's a bummer.

/wɛl/

Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/ /ˈleɪtɪst/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

Well, I don't want to say it's my project.

/wɛl/ /wɒnt/ /seɪ/ /maɪ/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

I mean, I'll be working with at least three partners.

/miːn/ /biː/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /liːst/ /θriː/

Oh! Group scene. Always fun.

/ɡruːp/ /siːn/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /fʌn/

Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/ /ɪt/

I mean, I know they're gonna ride me pretty hard but they're great guys.

/miːn/ /noʊ/ /raɪd/ /miː/ /ˈprɪti/ /hɑːrd/ /bʌt/ /ɡreɪt/ /ɡaɪz/

Guys? Whoa, there's a scoop.

/ɡaɪz/

That interview went on for 20 more minutes.

/ðæt/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /wɛnt/ /ɒn/ /fɔːr/ /mɔːr/

"This project was so demanding,

/ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /wɒz/

"I can't tell you how many nights I spent bent over a table."

/tɛl/ /juː/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

Oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go?

/ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /ɡoʊ/

Um, interesting.

/ˈɪn.trɪ.stɪŋ/

There I am in the office of Jefferson Coatsworth,

/ðɛr/ /ˈɒfɪs/

and I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway,

/ænd/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

I might as well give this old bastard a piece of my mind.

/maɪt/ /wɛl/ /ɡɪv/ /oʊld/ /piːs/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/

Jefferson Coatsworth wasn't what I expected.

/wɒt/

Marshall, Marshall,

Jeff Coatsworth. Jeff Coatsworth.

Hello.

Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here.

/ðæt/ /hɪr/

Can I beer ya?

/kæn/ /bɪər/

Marshall was thrown.

/wɒz/

This guy seemed nice.

/ɡaɪ/ /naɪs/

Of course, he wasn't.

/kɔːrs/ /hiː/

- Sous-titre non traduit - - Sous-titre non traduit -

Go-go to hell!

I'd do it again!

/duː/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛn/

I'm innocent. I'm innocent.

/ˈɪnəsənt/ /ˈɪnəsənt/

Marshall, Marshall,

why do you want to work at Nicholson, Hewitt & West?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /wɜːrk/ /wɛst/

Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought...

/raɪt/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈɡɪv.ən/ /lɒt/ /θɔːt/

I'm sorry. Stop.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /stɒp/

I can't do this with a straight face.

/duː/ /wɪð/ /streɪt/ /feɪs/

You don't want to work here.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /wɜːrk/ /hɪr/

You're only here 'cause your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt.

/ˈoʊnli/ /hɪr/ /kɔːz/ /jʊr/ /dæd/ /wɛnt/ /haɪ/ /skuːl/ /wɪð/

Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC.

/fækt/ /ɪz/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /swiːt/ /dʒɒb/

And it's awome.

/ænd/

Man, I could have gone the non-profit route.

/mæn/ /kʊd/ /hæv/ /ɡɔːn/ /ruːt/

I didn't.

And it eats me up inside every day.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /miː/ /ʌp/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /deɪ/

I hate myself.

/heɪt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

I hate myself.

/heɪt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

Oh, he's good.

/ɡʊd/

Classic seduction technique.

/ˈklæsɪk/

- What do you mean? - Oh, I use it all the time.

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/ /juːz/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

First I buy her, and by her I mean you, a drink.

/fɜːrst/ /baɪ/ /hɜːr/ /ænd/ /hɜːr/ /miːn/ /juː/ /drɪŋk/

Now, I'm the guy who gets her what she wants.

/naʊ/ /ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /ɡɛts/ /hɜːr/ /wɒt/ /ʃiː/

Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about.

/ðɛn/ /kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /θɪŋ/ /ʃiː/ /kɛrz/ /əˈbaʊt/

For you, that would be the environment.

/fɔːr/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ɪnˈvaɪrənmənt/

Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests.

/naʊ/ /ɡreɪt/ /ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /hɜːr/

And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment

/ænd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

shouting, "Oh, oh, Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"

And by you, I mean her.

/ænd/ /juː/ /miːn/ /hɜːr/

He is not trying to seduce me.

/hiː/ /ɪz/ /miː/

He didn't even offer me the job.

/hiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /ˈɒfər/ /miː/ /dʒɒb/

That comes later. At dinner.

/ðæt/ /ˈleɪtər/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

He did invite you to dinner, didn't he?

/hiː/ /dɪd/ /ɪnˈvaɪt/ /juː/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /hiː/

Let me buy you dinner, tomorrow night, as a thank you ?

/lɛt/ /miː/ /baɪ/ /juː/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/ /juː/

Okay? You'll tell me all about the NRDC,

/tɛl/ /miː/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/

and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /ˈiːvəl/

- I, you know, I don't know... - Marshall,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

you know what Kobe beef is?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /biːf/ /ɪz/

The most expensive beef in the world.

/moʊst/ /ɪkˈspɛnsɪv/ /biːf/ /wɜːrld/

The place I'm taking you has Kobe lobster.

/pleɪs/ /juː/ /hæz/

That is lobster fed with Kobe beef.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /wɪð/ /biːf/

Oh, my God, he's trying to seduce me.

/maɪ/ /miː/

So are you gonna go to dinner with him?

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /wɪð/ /hɪm/

No. No way. I promised myself to the NRDC.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

I'm not that kind of lawyer.

/ðæt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈlɔːjər/

Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job,

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/ /miːn/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /maɪt/ /wɛl/ /ɡɛt/ /ɡreɪt/ /miːl/ /aʊt/ /diːl/

Don't wait up.

/weɪt/ /ʌp/

Guys, guys, guys, check this out.

/ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /tʃɛk/ /aʊt/

Ted Mosby porn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown.

/hɪz/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/

Shaker Heights, Ohio. Shaker Heights, Ohio.

What?

/wɒt/

Okay, this is getting creepy. Who, who is this guy?

/ɪz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈkriːpi/ /huː/ /huː/ /ɪz/ /ɡaɪ/

I gotta find him.

/faɪnd/ /hɪm/

Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night

/wɛl/ /jʊr/ /ˈlʌki/ /deɪ/ /biː/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/

in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈædʌlt/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Wait. Are you telling me that they actually have conventions for porn?

/weɪt/ /juː/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /hæv/ /fɔːr/

Affirmative. Or to put it another way...

/pʊt/ /ɪt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /weɪ/

God bless America.

You can really taste the beef in that lobster.

/juː/ /kæn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /teɪst/ /biːf/ /ðæt/

Right.

/raɪt/

Listen,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I know we're only here to screw over my client, who quite frankly deserves it...

/noʊ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /hɪr/ /skruː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /maɪ/ /ˈklaɪənt/ /huː/ /kwaɪt/ /ɪt/

but I gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay?

/bʌt/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /tɛl/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /ɡeɪv/ /juː/

So, first up,

/fɜːrst/ /ʌp/

- starting salary. - Okay.

/ˈsæləri/

Here we go.

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

This is the big number that's supposed to impress me and... Wow.

/ɪz/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /miː/ /ænd/

That is a... Big number.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

There's also a signing bonus,

/ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ˈboʊnəs/

use of a company car, expense account, blah blah blah.

/juːz/ /ˈkʌmpəni/ /kɑːr/

Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to Patrick Swayze. Hey.

/weɪ/ /tɜːrn/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ænd/

I'm going to, uh, try to remain cool.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /traɪ/ /kuːl/

But you know Patrick Swayze?!

/bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/

He's a client.

/ˈklaɪənt/

Who do you think bought us this wine. Crazy Swayze.

/huː/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /bɔːt/ /ʌs/ /waɪn/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Cheers, buddy.

/ˈbʌdi/

Okay. No. Jeff, this is all very impressive,

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /ˈvɛr.i/

- but I just don't think that... - Listen, I know, I know.

/bʌt/ /dʒʌst/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

You're not gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks.

/biː/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈnʌmbərz/ /ænd/

You're gonna do the noble thing,

/duː/ /θɪŋ/

take the low-paying job at the NRDC,

/teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

live off your family money.

/lɪv/ /ɒf/ /jʊr/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Family money?

/ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ˈmʌn.i/

You do have family money, don't you?

/juː/ /duː/ /hæv/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /juː/

No, um, not that I know of.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/

I do have an uncle who owns a, a pretty successful bait shop.

/duː/ /hæv/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /huː/ /ˈprɪti/ /ʃɒp/

NRDC. No family money.

/noʊ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Oh. So you don't plan on having kids?

/juː/ /plæn/ /ɒn/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /kɪdz/

Actually, I, I want to have four kids.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /wɒnt/ /hæv/ /kɪdz/

Well... Well...

/wɛl/ /wɛl/

New York public schools make a lot of parents nervous,

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈpʌblɪk/ /meɪk/ /lɒt/ /ˈpɛərənts/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/

but the kids who walk out,

/bʌt/ /kɪdz/ /huː/ /wɔːk/ /aʊt/

walk out proud.

/wɔːk/ /aʊt/ /praʊd/

It was turning into a tough decision.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

Now, kids, when I'm facing a tough decision

/naʊ/ /kɪdz/ /wɛn/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

I like to get out the old yellow legal pad

/laɪk/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /oʊld/ /ˈjɛloʊ/ /ˈliːɡəl/ /pæd/

make a list of pros and cons.

/meɪk/ /lɪst/ /ænd/

Marshall new all the cons,

/njuː/ /ɔːl/

but there was one thing he didn't know,

/bʌt/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /θɪŋ/ /hiː/ /noʊ/

a big item in the pros column.

/bɪɡ/ /ˈaɪtəm/

- Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher. - Yeah.

/ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/ /ˈtiː.tʃər/

'Cause Robin was about to ask Lily the one question...

/kɔːz/ /wɒz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /æsk/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

An-And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right?

/juː/ /meɪk/ /ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/ /ˈsæləri/ /raɪt/

Yeah.

...that Lily had been dreading for years.

/ðæt/ /hæd/ /fɔːr/

How do you afford all of these expensive clothes?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/ /ɪkˈspɛnsɪv/ /kloʊðz/

I shop the sales.

/ʃɒp/

They were in the closet when we moved in.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /wɛn/ /wiː/

I steal. I'm a criminal.

/stiːl/ /ˈkrɪmɪnəl/

I once shot a man just to watch him die.

/wʌns/ /ʃɒt/ /mæn/ /dʒʌst/ /wɒtʃ/ /hɪm/ /daɪ/

- Lily? - Okay.

That's when Lily showed Robin her box of shame.

/wɛn/ /hɜːr/ /bɒks/ /ʃeɪm/

Lily, this is nuts.

/ɪz/ /nʌts/

- How many credit cards do you have? - I don't know.

/haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /kɑːrdz/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/

- How much do you owe? - I don't know!

/haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/

Wow. I can't believe this many people love porn this much,

/bɪˈliːv/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /lʌv/ /mʌtʃ/

including that guy who works in human resources at my firm. Hi.

/ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /wɜːrks/ /ˈhjuːmən/ /maɪ/

Let's just wave at each other awkwardly. That'll make it better.

/dʒʌst/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Dude, come on, let's just find Bizarro me and get out of here.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /dʒʌst/ /faɪnd/ /miː/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Oh, oh, I get it.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Ted Mosby, non-porn star, thinks this is all crude and disgusting.

/stɑːr/ /ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /ænd/ /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/

You know who else was considered crude and disgusting? Shakespeare.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /ɛls/ /wɒz/ /ænd/ /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/

But his themes, love, lust, forbidden desire, were universal,

/bʌt/ /hɪz/ /lʌv/ /wɜːr/

which is why his work has stood the test of time.

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/ /hɪz/ /wɜːrk/ /hæz/ /tɛst/ /taɪm/

And so will all this.

/ænd/ /wɪl/ /ɔːl/

400 years from now,

/naʊ/

some high school drama class will be doing a plucky,

/sʌm/ /haɪ/ /skuːl/ /ˈdrɑːmə/ /klæs/ /wɪl/ /biː/

spirited production of Beef Party VII.

/biːf/ /ˈpɑːrti/

Oh, my God, Lily, that is a lot of debt.

/maɪ/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /lɒt/

How did you get yourself into this situation?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /ˌsɪtʃuˈeɪʃən/

I don't know what it is.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

When I feel down about something, I shop.

/wɛn/ /fiːl/ /daʊn/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ʃɒp/

Ma'am, is everything okay?

/ɪz/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

No, I just had a huge fight with my mother.

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /hjuːdʒ/ /faɪt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

She doesn't understand me at all.

/ʃiː/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /miː/ /ɔːl/

I swore that teaching would be a way to support my painting career,

/ðæt/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /weɪ/ /səˈpɔːrt/ /maɪ/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/ /kəˈrɪr/

but I never paint anymore.

/bʌt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /peɪnt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

I just got a huge credit card bill.

/dʒʌst/ /hjuːdʒ/

- Does Marshall know? - No.

/dʌz/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

But you guys are the couple who tell each other everything.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /huː/ /tɛl/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

And for God's sakes, Lily, you text him while he's on the can.

/ænd/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /tɛkst/ /hɪm/ /waɪl/ /ɒn/ /kæn/

Well, I just want him to know I'm rooting for him.

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /hɪm/ /noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/

Wait, okay, this all makes sense.

/weɪt/ /ɔːl/ /sɛns/

So when you said...

/wɛn/ /juː/ /sɛd/

But you're still going to go to your job interview today, right, baby?

/bʌt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /jʊr/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /təˈdeɪ/ /raɪt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

And then...

/ænd/ /ðɛn/

Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna to take the job,

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/ /miːn/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /maɪt/ /wɛl/ /ɡɛt/ /ɡreɪt/ /miːl/ /aʊt/ /diːl/

You were pushing him into taking that high-paying corporate job.

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /hɪm/ /ðæt/ /dʒɒb/

I know. It's terrible that I was trying to get him to do that.

/noʊ/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡɛt/ /hɪm/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Terrible? He has to take it.

/ˈtɛrɪbl/ /hiː/ /hæz/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/

I mean, how else are you going to pay off all that debt?

/miːn/ /haʊ/ /ɛls/ /juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /peɪ/ /ɒf/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/

Lily, you have to tell him about this before he turns down that job.

/juː/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /əˈbaʊt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /hiː/ /daʊn/ /ðæt/ /dʒɒb/

You're right. I feel awful.

/raɪt/ /fiːl/

- You know, there's a sale... - We're not going shopping.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

There he is. Come on, let's go.

/ðɛr/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ɡoʊ/

Why do I get so nervous around celebrities?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/ /əˈraʊnd/

Hi, Ted Mosby. I'm Ted Mosby.

- Ted Mosby, it's you. - Have we met?

/juː/ /hæv/ /wiː/

Mr. Mosby, it is an honor to meet you, sir.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /miːt/ /juː/ /sɜːr/

Starney Binson. Barney Stinson. Starney Binson. Barney Stinson.

Damn it.

/ɪt/

We have met.

/wiː/ /hæv/

My real name is Steve Biel.

/maɪ/ /riːl/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

When I was in fourth grade, you were in ninth,

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /ɡreɪd/ /juː/ /wɜːr/

and, and one day I was out behind the school

/ænd/ /ænd/ /deɪ/ /wɒz/ /aʊt/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /skuːl/

and a bunch of seventh graders were just beating the crap out of me.

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /dʒʌst/ /aʊt/ /miː/

Oh, yeah, I remember. That was you?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /juː/

Yeah,

but you pulled them off me.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ðɛm/ /ɒf/ /miː/

You told them to go pick on someone their own size.

/juː/ /toʊld/ /ðɛm/ /ɡoʊ/ /pɪk/ /ɒn/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ðɛr/ /oʊn/ /saɪz/

I vowed right then that when I made something of myself,

/raɪt/ /ðɛn/ /ðæt/ /wɛn/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

I would honor you somehow.

/wʊd/ /juː/

So you took my name and starred in...

/juː/ /tʊk/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ænd/

Welcome To The Sex Truck? Welcome To The Sex Truck?

/ˈwɛlkəm/ /sɛks/ /trʌk/ /ˈwɛlkəm/ /sɛks/ /trʌk/

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, Ted, you got to stop using my name.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /juː/ /stɒp/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/

I, I'm trying to make a career as an architect.

/meɪk/ /kəˈrɪr/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Architect, huh?

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You mean like a sex architect?

/juː/ /miːn/ /laɪk/ /sɛks/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

What?

/wɒt/

Yeah, you know, you're on to something. That would make a great title of a film.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ɒn/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /meɪk/ /ɡreɪt/ /fɪlm/

Ted Mosby, Sex Architect. Ted Mosby, Sex Architect.

/sɛks/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /sɛks/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You know, I'm actually looking for a new project to shoot next Friday afternoon.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /fɔːr/ /njuː/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /ʃuːt/ /nɛkst/ /ˌæftərˈnuːn/

Yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some other way you could honor me?

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /ðɛr/ /sʌm/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /miː/

With all due respect.

/wɪð/ /ɔːl/ /rɪˈspɛkt/

Wait, you're not mad, are you?

/weɪt/ /mæd/ /juː/

Oh, man, I knew it.

/mæn/ /njuː/ /ɪt/

My father said, "Just plant a tree in Israel."

/maɪ/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/ /sɛd/ /dʒʌst/ /triː/

I'm such an idiot.

/sʌtʃ/ /ˈɪdiət/

I guess I thought you'd be psyched.

/ɡɛs/ /θɔːt/ /biː/

I am.

I am, it's just I feel a little guilty because

/dʒʌst/ /fiːl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɡɪlti/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

I'm not the one who saved you that day.

/huː/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /deɪ/

The guy who actually saved you was...

/ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /juː/ /wɒz/

named...

/neɪmd/

Lance Hardwood. Lance Hardwood.

Lance Hardwood, yeah.

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

You know, you might not know this, but,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /maɪt/ /noʊ/ /bʌt/

in my business, that's kind of a killer name.

/maɪ/ /ˈbɪznɪs/ /kaɪnd/ /neɪm/

Yeah, I guess, I guess it is.

/ɡɛs/ /ɡɛs/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

I can see the poster now.

/kæn/ /siː/ /naʊ/

Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect. Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect.

/sɛks/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /sɛks/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Starring... Ted Mosby.

I love it.

/lʌv/ /ɪt/

Marshall and Jeff stayed pretty late at the restaurant.

/ænd/ /ˈprɪti/ /leɪt/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/

They stayed so late that Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch,

/ðeɪ/ /leɪt/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/ /kaʊtʃ/

and the next day,

/ænd/ /nɛkst/ /deɪ/

Marshall took part in a Sunday morning tradition as old as the city itself:

/tʊk/ /pɑːrt/ /ˈsʌndeɪ/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /trəˈdɪʃən/ /oʊld/ /ˈsɪt.i/

the Walk of Shame,

/wɔːk/ /ʃeɪm/

the long journey home after doing something you regret the night before.

/lɔːŋ/ /ˈdʒɜːrni/ /hoʊm/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /rɪˈɡrɛt/ /naɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

I'll take the job.

/teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

That's awesome!

/ˈɔːsəm/

- Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah!

Great time last night.

/ɡreɪt/ /taɪm/ /læst/ /naɪt/

I'll call you later.

/kɔːl/ /juː/ /ˈleɪtər/

He's not going to call you.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

- Hey. - Hey.

Did you get my message? I just...

/dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /maɪ/ /ˈmɛsɪdʒ/ /dʒʌst/

- I crashed uptown. - Yeah, yeah. Listen,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I have, uh, something to tell you.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /tɛl/ /juː/

Uh, I have something I need to tell you also.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /niːd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/

Mine's pretty huge.

/ˈprɪti/ /hjuːdʒ/

You go first.

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /fɜːrst/

Well... Well...

/wɛl/ /wɛl/

I took the job.

/tʊk/ /dʒɒb/

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I was drunk,

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /wɒz/ /drʌŋk/

and it was a haze of cigars and scotch and Swayze,

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ænd/ /ænd/

and they offered me, like,

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /miː/ /laɪk/

like, like, like, a lot of money.

/laɪk/ /laɪk/ /laɪk/ /lɒt/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Oh, Marshall. Oh, Marshall.

How much money?

/haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Here.

/hɪr/

Whee! Whee!

Yeah! Yeah!

It's completely despicable. I know,

/kəmˈpliːtli/ /noʊ/

I know, I sold out for a huge pile of disgusting money,

/noʊ/ /soʊld/ /aʊt/ /fɔːr/ /hjuːdʒ/ /dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/ /ˈmʌn.i/

disgusting money that could help our future family

/dɪsˈɡʌstɪŋ/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ðæt/ /kʊd/ /hɛlp/ /aʊər/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

have some financial security and could help pay for law school.

/hæv/ /sʌm/ /sɪˈkjʊərɪti/ /ænd/ /kʊd/ /hɛlp/ /peɪ/ /fɔːr/ /lɔː/ /skuːl/

Law school.

/lɔː/ /skuːl/

Law school that I went to to help protect the environment,

/lɔː/ /skuːl/ /ðæt/ /wɛnt/ /hɛlp/ /prəˈtɛkt/ /ɪnˈvaɪrənmənt/

not help destroy it. And for what?

/hɛlp/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/

For, for... a lot of money.

/fɔːr/ /fɔːr/ /lɒt/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Okay, you've got to stop screaming.

/stɒp/ /ˈskriːmɪŋ/

Listen, Marshall, you know what I like to do in situations like this?

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /laɪk/ /duː/ /laɪk/

Ted, if you say make a list of pros and cons, I'm going to smack you.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /meɪk/ /lɪst/ /ænd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /juː/

I wasn't going to say that.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/

Okay, two beers, and Ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for.

/tuː/ /bɪərz/ /ænd/ /ðæt/ /ˈjɛloʊ/ /ˈliːɡəl/ /pæd/ /juː/ /fɔːr/

Yellow legal pad? I ordered fries.

/ˈjɛloʊ/ /ˈliːɡəl/ /pæd/ /ˈɔːrdərd/

Maybe you should use this to write down people's orders.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /juːz/ /raɪt/ /daʊn/

Guys, I, I don't know what to do.

/ɡaɪz/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /duː/

Take the money. Money is good, money is happiness.

/teɪk/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ɪz/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ɪz/

If I work there, I'll be representing the most evil corporations in the world.

/ɪf/ /wɜːrk/ /ðɛr/ /biː/ /moʊst/ /ˈiːvəl/ /wɜːrld/

Kind of sounds like a pro and con list to me.

/kaɪnd/ /laɪk/ /ænd/ /lɪst/ /miː/

Lily, you have to tell him. You can help him make this decision.

/juː/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /juː/ /kæn/ /hɛlp/ /hɪm/ /meɪk/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

Oh, I think he's doing fine on his own.

/θɪŋk/ /faɪn/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Marshall, Marshall,

I have something to say, and it's gonna help you make your decision.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /ænd/ /hɛlp/ /juː/ /meɪk/ /jʊr/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

Oh, of course, you know my heart better than I do.

/kɔːrs/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /maɪ/ /hɑːrt/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /duː/

You know what's best for me and for us. Please, please tell me what to do.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /bɛst/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /ænd/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/ /pliːz/ /pliːz/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /wɒt/ /duː/

I think you should take the job at the NRDC.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /teɪk/ /dʒɒb/

Of course I should, of course I should.

/kɔːrs/ /ʃʊd/ /kɔːrs/ /ʃʊd/

Guys, I'm going to save the planet Earth.

/ɡaɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪv/ /ˈplænɪt/ /ɜːrθ/

I got to go call Jeff.

/ɡoʊ/ /kɔːl/

What is the matter with you?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈmætər/ /wɪð/ /juː/

I can't ask him to make himself miserable because of a mistake I made.

/æsk/ /hɪm/ /meɪk/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

It's my problem; I'll figure it out.

/maɪ/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

That's really sweet.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /swiːt/

- Are those new earrings? - What are you, my mom?

/ðoʊz/ /njuː/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

- Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall. - Hey, Marshall.

I have something that I need to tell you.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /niːd/ /tɛl/ /juː/

I feel really weird about doing this over the phone.

/fiːl/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /foʊn/

Then don't.

/ðɛn/

Before you say anything,

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

come take a ride in this awesome limo with me.

/kʌm/ /teɪk/ /raɪd/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Where are we going?

/wɛr/ /wiː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Tuckahoe Funland. Tuckahoe Funland.

I'm sorry. It sounded like you said Tuckahoe Funland,

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /sɛd/

the magic factory where dreams are made.

/ˈmædʒɪk/ /wɛr/ /driːmz/

Get in.

/ɡɛt/

- Man, I-I love this place. - Me, too, buddy.

/mæn/ /lʌv/ /pleɪs/ /miː/ /ˈbʌdi/

So what did you want to tell me?

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /tɛl/ /miː/

I can't work for you.

/wɜːrk/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

I know, dude.

/noʊ/

It's fine.

/faɪn/

Marshall Eriksen wants to preserve the environment,

/prɪˈzɜːrv/ /ɪnˈvaɪrənmənt/

so that our children can enjoy it as we have. I get it.

/ðæt/ /aʊər/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/ /kæn/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ɪt/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Good. Thank you.

/ɡʊd/ /juː/

I look down... and see children enjoying this place.

/lʊk/ /daʊn/ /ænd/ /siː/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/ /pleɪs/

Yeah, because somebody fought to preserve it.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /prɪˈzɜːrv/ /ɪt/

If they ever shut this place down, it would be a tragedy.

/ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ʃʌt/ /pleɪs/ /daʊn/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

Well, the good news is, that'll never happen.

/wɛl/ /ɡʊd/ /njuːz/ /ɪz/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈhæpən/

You won't let it.

/juː/ /lɛt/ /ɪt/

Because when you work for us,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /wɜːrk/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

your only client...

/jʊr/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈklaɪənt/

will be this place...

/wɪl/ /biː/ /pleɪs/

Tuckahoe Funland. Tuckahoe Funland.

I'm taking the job.

/dʒɒb/

- Hey! - All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

And the best part is

/ænd/ /bɛst/ /pɑːrt/ /ɪz/

I'm not even going to be representing some sort of evil corporation.

/ˈiːvən/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /sʌm/ /sɔːrt/ /ˈiːvəl/

I will be representing

/wɪl/ /biː/

Tuckahoe Funland, Tuckahoe Funland,

the least evil place in the world.

/liːst/ /ˈiːvəl/ /pleɪs/ /wɜːrld/

Or so Marshall thought.

/θɔːt/

FUNLAND SAFETY SCANDAL

3 DIE AT FUNLAND

/daɪ/

E.COLI OUTBREAK TRACED TO FUNLAND CORNDOGS

Great news, great news.

/ɡreɪt/ /njuːz/ /ɡreɪt/ /njuːz/

Oh, I'd better check on him.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /tʃɛk/ /ɒn/ /hɪm/

G G

Go

/ɡoʊ/

Goo

Good

/ɡʊd/

Good l

/ɡʊd/

Good lu

/ɡʊd/

Good luc

/ɡʊd/

Good luck

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck i

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in t

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in th

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in the

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in ther

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Good luck in there

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/ /ðɛr/

Good luck in there b

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/ /ðɛr/

Good luck in there ba

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/ /ðɛr/

Good luck in there bab

/ɡʊd/ /lʌk/ /ðɛr/