Season 3 · Tập 7

Kids, everybody makes mistakes.

/kɪdz/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

Take this girl Meg for instance.

/teɪk/ /ɡɜːrl/ /fɔːr/

She made a mistake,

/ʃiː/ /mɪˈsteɪk/

a mistake named Barney.

/mɪˈsteɪk/ /neɪmd/

Yeah, I thought I was gonna get married to my last boyfriend but,

/θɔːt/ /wɒz/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/ /maɪ/ /læst/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/ /bʌt/

boy, did that guy have commitment issues.

/bɔɪ/ /dɪd/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /hæv/

That whole relationship...

/ðæt/ /hoʊl/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

that's three weeks of my life I'll never get back.

/θriː/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/

Well, I love commitment.

/wɛl/ /lʌv/

I wish I could marry commitment.

/wɪʃ/ /kʊd/ /ˈmæri/

- I met a girl last night. - Really?

/ɡɜːrl/ /læst/ /naɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

So perky and full of life and not at all fake.

/ænd/ /fʊl/ /laɪf/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /feɪk/

- You're talking about her boobs, right? - Sí. ("C")

/əˈbaʊt/ /hɜːr/ /raɪt/

And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size. What up?

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /kʌp/ /saɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʌp/

- So, these boobs... - Hmm.

/ðiːz/

- paint me a word picture. - All right, Ted.

/peɪnt/ /miː/ /wɜːrd/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Imagine the heads of two Irish babies.

/ɪˈmædʒ.ɪn/ /hɛdz/ /tuː/ /ˈbeɪbiz/

- Let's call them... and... - Please stop!

/kɔːl/ /ðɛm/ /ænd/ /pliːz/ /stɒp/

When you get married, you start outgrowing certain parts of your life.

/wɛn/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/ /juː/ /stɑːrt/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

And for Lily and Marshall, those certain parts were,

/ænd/ /fɔːr/ /ænd/ /ðoʊz/ /wɜːr/

for the most part, me.

/fɔːr/ /moʊst/ /pɑːrt/ /miː/

Why would you come in? You heard me shaving!

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /juː/ /hɜːrd/ /miː/

I thought you were shaving your face!

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /jʊr/ /feɪs/

Well, clearly I wasn't!

/wɛl/ /ˈklɪərli/

Pay up! Hussy!

/peɪ/ /ʌp/

Guys. Guys, it's 3:00 in the morning

/ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

and it reeks in here.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

Ted said it was okay.

/sɛd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

Ah, hey, Marshall. You're still up?

/ʌp/

Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow?

/juː/ /bɑːr/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/

Discontent was bubbling under the surface,

/wɒz/ /ˈʌndər/

until one day...

/ənˈtɪl/ /deɪ/

Ted! Ted!

How many times have I asked you to put the lid

/haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /taɪmz/ /hæv/ /juː/ /pʊt/

back on the peanut butter jar?

/bæk/ /ɒn/ /ˈbʌtər/

It's this sort of inconsiderate, immature jackassery

/sɔːrt/

that makes me feel like I'm living in the Real World house,

/ðæt/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /riːl/ /wɜːrld/ /haʊs/

and not the early years when they all had jobs

/ænd/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /ɔːl/ /hæd/

and social consciences. I'm talking about Hawaii and after!

/ænd/ /ˈsoʊʃəl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/ /ˈæf.tər/

I can't take this anymore! Ted, Lily and I are married now!

/teɪk/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/ /ænd/ /ˈmærid/ /naʊ/

It's time!

/taɪm/

We're getting our own place!

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /aʊər/ /oʊn/ /pleɪs/

Actually, I left the lid off. Sorry, baby.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /lɛft/ /ɒf/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈbeɪbi/

But still, it was time to move forward.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /taɪm/ /muːv/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/

So, they set out to find a new apartment to rent.

/ðeɪ/ /sɛt/ /aʊt/ /faɪnd/ /njuː/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /rɛnt/

Hey, here's one.

Pre-war building, recently renovated,

/ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /ˈriːsəntli/

hardwood floors, tons of light,

/laɪt/

two bedroom, two bath.

/tuː/ /ˈbɛdruːm/ /tuː/ /bæθ/

Oh, yeah, but that one's not for rent. It's for sale.

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /rɛnt/ /fɔːr/

Kids, Uncle Marshall always likes to say

/kɪdz/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /seɪ/

that he had made three big mistakes in his life.

/ðæt/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /θriː/ /bɪɡ/ /hɪz/ /laɪf/

- This was the first. - Jump, you big chicken!

/wɒz/ /fɜːrst/ /dʒʌmp/ /juː/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈtʃɪkɪn/

- Jump ! You afraidy cat! - Jump!

/dʒʌmp/ /juː/ /kæt/ /dʒʌmp/

This was the second.

/wɒz/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

And this was the third and biggest.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /ænd/

- We should buy a place! - What?

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /baɪ/ /pleɪs/ /wɒt/

Baby, real estate is always a good investment.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /riːl/ /ɪz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡʊd/

It's not.

And the market is really hot right now.

/ænd/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hɒt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

It wasn't.

/ɪt/

And because of my new job, we are in such a strong place financially.

/ænd/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /maɪ/ /njuː/ /dʒɒb/ /wiː/ /sʌtʃ/ /strɒŋ/ /pleɪs/

They weren't.

/ðeɪ/

Because Lily had a secret...

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /hæd/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/

Hi. My name is Lily and I'm a shopaholic.

/maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/ /ænd/

Hi, Lily.

Oh, you guys don't do that here? Sorry. Proceed.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /hɪr/ /ˈsɒr.i/

I buy designer clothes and accessories that I can't afford.

/baɪ/ /kloʊðz/ /ænd/ /ðæt/

I have 15 credit cards, and they're all maxed out.

/hæv/ /kɑːrdz/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /aʊt/

And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows.

/ænd/ /noʊ/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/ /ruːm/ /ˈiːvən/ /maɪ/ /ˈhʌzbənd/

And I, I feel terrible because all I want to do right now

/ænd/ /fiːl/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɔːl/ /wɒnt/ /duː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

is ask you where you got those shoes. They're adorable.

/ɪz/ /æsk/ /juː/ /wɛr/ /juː/ /ðoʊz/ /ʃuːz/ /əˈdɔːrəbəl/

We can't buy, we have debt.

/wiː/ /baɪ/ /wiː/ /hæv/

Yeah, I know, my student loans are pretty big.

/noʊ/ /maɪ/ /ˈstuː.dənt/ /ˈprɪti/ /bɪɡ/

I forgive you.

/fərˈɡɪv/ /juː/

What?

/wɒt/

Well... I'm just saying as your wife,

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /jʊr/ /waɪf/

you know, I'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars

/juː/ /noʊ/ /kuːl/ /ðæt/ /juː/

on a brand name law school.

/ɒn/ /neɪm/ /lɔː/ /skuːl/

Because I know it makes you feel good and pretty.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /ɡʊd/ /ænd/ /ˈprɪti/

Let's just go take a look at this place.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /teɪk/ /lʊk/ /pleɪs/

Where is it?

/wɛr/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

Uh, it's in a neighborhood called...

Dowisetrepla? Dowisetrepla?

Dowisetrepla. Dowisetrepla.

Oh, I see, you're not New Yorkers.

/siː/ /njuː/

Oh, actually we live on the Upper West Side, so...

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /wiː/ /lɪv/ /ɒn/ /wɛst/ /saɪd/

No need to be embarrassed, listen, here in New York

/noʊ/ /niːd/ /biː/ /ɪmˈbærəst/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /hɪr/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

we just shorten the names of all the neighborhoods,

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɔːl/

SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita... SoHo, TriBeCa, Nolita...

Oh, right. Dowisetrepla.

/raɪt/

No, I'm, I'm from New York.

/noʊ/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

I know this neighborhood. I'm down with D-town.

/noʊ/ /daʊn/ /wɪð/

Oh, well, nobody calls it D-town.

/wɛl/ /ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /kɔːlz/ /ɪt/

Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood.

/ɪz/

And I have to tell you, for these prices,

/ænd/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ðiːz/

you're not going to be able to find another...

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /faɪnd/ /əˈnʌðər/

I'm, I'm gonna stop you right there.

/stɒp/ /juː/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

Don't bother with the hard sell.

/ˈbɒðər/ /wɪð/ /hɑːrd/ /sɛl/

This place is, is way out of our price range,

/pleɪs/ /ɪz/ /ɪz/ /weɪ/ /aʊt/ /aʊər/ /praɪs/

and besides, we've only just started to looking.

/ænd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /dʒʌst/

Is what Marshall should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

I'm gonna stop you right there.

/stɒp/ /juː/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

I love it! Let's get it!

/lʌv/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

How I Met Your Mother 3x07 - Dowisetrepla - How I Met Your Mother 3x07 - Dowisetrepla -

/haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /haʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

Thank you, guys, for coming down here so quickly.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /fɔːr/ /daʊn/ /hɪr/ /ˈkwɪk.li/

I've never been to this neighborhood.

/ˈnɛv.ər/

Kind of thought this part of town was water.

/kaɪnd/ /θɔːt/ /pɑːrt/ /taʊn/ /wɒz/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

No, dude. This is Dowisetrepla.

/noʊ/ /ɪz/

Dowisetrepla? Dowisetrepla?

Is that an abbreviation for something?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

He's from Ohio.

Dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood.

/ɪz/

I think this might be the place where Lily and I start a family.

/θɪŋk/ /maɪt/ /biː/ /pleɪs/ /wɛr/ /ænd/ /stɑːrt/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

I can see it now.

/kæn/ /siː/ /ɪt/ /naʊ/

Two, three, four.

/tuː/ /θriː/

All right, bring it home, boys.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /brɪŋ/ /ɪt/ /hoʊm/ /bɔɪz/

Sounds great, boys.

/ɡreɪt/ /bɔɪz/

Who wants chocolate pancakes?

/huː/ /ˈtʃɒklɪt/ /ˈpænkeɪks/

Thanks, Mommy!

/ˈmɒmi/

Man, life is gonna be sweet!

/mæn/ /laɪf/ /ɪz/ /biː/ /swiːt/

Oh, my God, Lily, have you seen this kitchen?

/maɪ/ /hæv/ /juː/ /ˈkɪtʃɪn/

I know. Isn't it amazing?

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

- I just love it so... - What the hell are you doing?

/dʒʌst/ /lʌv/ /ɪt/ /wɒt/ /juː/

You can't buy this place.

/juː/ /baɪ/ /pleɪs/

Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington!

/juː/ /hæv/ /saɪz/

Waddington?

It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4,000 meters high.

/ˈkænədə/ /laɪk/ /haɪ/

Meters?

Don't let Marshall fall in love with this apartment.

/lɛt/ /fɔːl/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

I know, I know, I know, but what do I tell him?

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /bʌt/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/

I don't know, tell him, um, tell him you saw a ghost.

/noʊ/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /juː/ /sɔː/ /ɡoʊst/

Tell him it's haunted.

/tɛl/ /hɪm/

You really don't know Marshall at all.

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/

So, uh, the owners, where are they?

/wɛr/ /ðeɪ/

They're on vacation in France for two of weeks.

/ɒn/ /fɔːr/ /tuː/

I see.

/siː/

Between you and me, I'm also interested in the apartment.

/bɪˈtwiːn/ /juː/ /ænd/ /miː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ˈɪntrəstɪd/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

So is there any way I could come back later

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛn.i/ /weɪ/ /kʊd/ /kʌm/ /bæk/ /ˈleɪtər/

and check it out while you're showing them other places?

/ænd/ /tʃɛk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /waɪl/ /ðɛm/ /ˈʌð.ər/

The lockbox combination is 1421.

/ɪz/

And here is my card.

/ænd/ /hɪr/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/

Are you serious?

/juː/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

You're trying to snake this apartment away from Marshall and Lily?

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /əˈweɪ/ /ænd/

Ted, do you think I have no morals whatsoever?

/duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /hæv/ /noʊ/

I simply want to fool a girl into thinking this is my apartment

/ˈsɪmpli/ /wɒnt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

so I can nail her once and never have to see her again.

/kæn/ /neɪl/ /hɜːr/ /wʌns/ /ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/ /siː/ /hɜːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

I'm not a monster.

Now, listen, I don't want to put a lot of pressure on you,

/naʊ/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /wɒnt/ /pʊt/ /lɒt/ /ɒn/ /juː/

but there is one other couple that's expressed very serious interest.

/bʌt/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

I see what you're doing here.

/siː/ /wɒt/ /hɪr/

"Another couple." Please.

/əˈnʌðər/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /pliːz/

That crap is page one out of the Realtor's playbook.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /aʊt/

And we're not buying it.

/ænd/ /ɪt/

Is what Marshall should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

Another couple? No!

/əˈnʌðər/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /noʊ/

We want it. Sell it to us. We'll give you so much more money.

/wiː/ /wɒnt/ /ɪt/ /sɛl/ /ɪt/ /ʌs/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /mʌtʃ/ /mɔːr/ /ˈmʌn.i/

Oh, Marshall, can I talk to you?

/kæn/ /tɔːk/ /juː/

Marshall, I just... Marshall, em...

/dʒʌst/

I don't know if now is the right time to buy.

/noʊ/ /ɪf/ /naʊ/ /ɪz/ /raɪt/ /taɪm/ /baɪ/

But we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future.

/bʌt/ /fɔːr/ /naʊ/ /fɔːr/ /aʊər/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/

Can't you imagine starting a family here?

/juː/ /ɪˈmædʒ.ɪn/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /hɪr/

Oh, Persephone! Oh, Daphne! Oh, Persephone! Oh, Daphne!

These'll be a perfect additions

/biː/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/

to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the Met.

/aʊər/

Looks great, girls.

/ɡreɪt/ /ɡɜːrlz/

Who wants crêpes au chocolat?

/huː/

Merci, papa!

/ˈpɑːpə/

So... what do you guys think?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /θɪŋk/

I love it, but Marshall,

/lʌv/ /ɪt/ /bʌt/

I should have told you this a long time ago.

/ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /lɔːŋ/ /taɪm/ /əˈɡoʊ/

We can't afford to buy an apartment because...

/wiː/ /baɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

I have too much credit card debt.

/hæv/ /mʌtʃ/

I am so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Is what she should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

I love it. Let's get it.

/lʌv/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Can we charge it?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /ɪt/

To Lily and Marshall and their momentous step forward into adulthood.

/ænd/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/ /stɛp/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

/tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /tʃʌɡ/

Drink it! Yes! Well done. Nice! Yeah!

/drɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /wɛl/ /dʌn/ /naɪs/

- Anything else? - Yes.

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ɛls/

I've been staring at that thing for years.

/ðæt/ /θɪŋ/ /fɔːr/

Wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne.

/brɪŋ/ /miː/ /lɑːrdʒ/ /ˈbɒtəl/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/

Really? Are you sure? It's never been refrigerated.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /juː/ /ʃʊr/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

And I think at some point there was a fish in it.

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /sʌm/ /pɔɪnt/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /fɪʃ/ /ɪt/

Honey, once you've made the sale, stop sellin'.

/ˈhʌni/ /wʌns/ /stɒp/

All right, but you guys have to help me carry it.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /hæv/ /hɛlp/ /miː/ /ɪt/

All right, let's do it.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Let's do this.

/duː/

I know what you're thinking. I should tell Marshall the truth.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /tɛl/ /truːθ/

Hey, I've got the whole thing figured out.

/hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/ /aʊt/

We'll apply for the loan under Marshall's name,

/fɔːr/ /ləʊn/ /ˈʌndər/ /neɪm/

and he'll never need to know.

/ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /niːd/ /noʊ/

And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down my debt.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈsloʊli/ /wɜːrk/ /daʊn/ /maɪ/

Right after I furnish the apartment.

/raɪt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

I saw this amazing leather sofa today.

/sɔː/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /ˈsoʊfə/ /təˈdeɪ/

You should be a reality show.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /ʃoʊ/

Nice! Nice.

/naɪs/ /naɪs/

Wait! That cork is the size of a softball

/weɪt/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /saɪz/

and you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /feɪs/

Is what he should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /hiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

Now if you thinking of buying an appartment,

/naʊ/ /ɪf/ /juː/

it's always good to check the place out at night.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡʊd/ /tʃɛk/ /pleɪs/ /aʊt/ /naɪt/

Welcome to my humble abode.

/ˈwɛlkəm/ /maɪ/ /ˈhʌmbl/

This place is so nice.

/pleɪs/ /ɪz/ /naɪs/

Ah, make yourself at home. Please, get comfortable.

/meɪk/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /hoʊm/ /pliːz/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈkʌmftəbl/

If you see something you like, just take it.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /siː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /dʒʌst/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/

- Who are these people? - Uh... that's my parents.

/huː/ /ðiːz/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /maɪ/ /ˈpɛərənts/

They're... Asian.

Yeah. They're a Chinese couple that wanted a white baby.

/ˈkʌpəl/ /ðæt/ /ˈbeɪbi/

It works both ways.

/ɪt/ /wɜːrks/ /boʊθ/ /weɪz/

- Cookie. - Wow.

- Did you make those? - You got me.

/dɪd/ /juː/ /meɪk/ /ðoʊz/ /juː/ /miː/

My sisters taught me how to bake and how to listen.

/maɪ/ /tɔːt/ /miː/ /haʊ/ /ænd/ /haʊ/ /ˈlɪs.ən/

I feel so at home here.

/fiːl/ /hoʊm/ /hɪr/

I'm glad.

/ɡlæd/

Sometimes, I don't.

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/

A place like this really needs a lady of the house.

/pleɪs/ /laɪk/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈleɪdi/ /haʊs/

I know it's early to be thinking of you as...

/noʊ/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /biː/ /juː/

Oh, God, I'm freaking you out, aren't I? It's just...

/juː/ /aʊt/ /dʒʌst/

you make me feel so safe... I didn't...

/juː/ /meɪk/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /seɪf/

The next day, Lily and Marshall went to the mortgage broker to get a loan.

/nɛkst/ /deɪ/ /ænd/ /wɛnt/ /ɡɛt/ /ləʊn/

Hey, uh, can we get this in singles?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /ɡɛt/

Before we get the apartment I want to put in a kiddie pool

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /wiː/ /ɡɛt/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /wɒnt/ /pʊt/

and swim around in it naked.

/ænd/ /swɪm/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ɪt/

- Great, that is great! - Thank you.

/ɡreɪt/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/ /juː/

- Thank you. - Okay, all right, back to business.

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /bæk/ /ˈbɪznɪs/

All right, Mrs. Aldrin, I'm going to need your social as well.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ˈmɪsɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /niːd/ /jʊr/ /ˈsoʊʃəl/ /wɛl/

What? Why? I mean, you already have Marshall's.

/wɒt/ /waɪ/ /miːn/ /juː/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæv/

Yes, but since you're a married couple,

/bʌt/ /sɪns/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈkʌpəl/

you'll be applying for a joint loan, so...

/biː/ /fɔːr/ /ləʊn/

Well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name?

/wɛl/ /kæn/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /ænd/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/

He's the head of the household.

/hɛd/ /ˈhaʊshoʊld/

He earns the big bucks. I mean, can women even own property?

/hiː/ /bɪɡ/ /miːn/ /kæn/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /ˈiːvən/ /oʊn/

Go ahead, just give him your social.

/ɡoʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /hɪm/ /jʊr/ /ˈsoʊʃəl/

Okay, my... my social is, uh...

/maɪ/ /maɪ/ /ˈsoʊʃəl/ /ɪz/

5 5 1 2 4 1 8 0

Got it.

/ɪt/

Let's see what kind of rate I can get you two.

/siː/ /wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /tuː/

Under six percent. Under six percent. Under six percent, please.

/ˈʌndər/ /sɪks/ /pərˈsɛnt/ /ˈʌndər/ /sɪks/ /pərˈsɛnt/ /ˈʌndər/ /sɪks/ /pərˈsɛnt/ /pliːz/

There we go. Congratulations.

/ðɛr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/

You have been approved for a loan at 18%.

/juː/ /hæv/ /fɔːr/ /ləʊn/

No, way. That-that can't be right.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/ /biː/ /raɪt/

You're lucky to be getting a mortgage.

/ˈlʌki/ /biː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

Let's get out of here, Marshall.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Hold it, I-I don't understand.

/hoʊld/ /ɪt/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

Did we do something wrong or...?

/dɪd/ /wiː/ /duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /rɒŋ/

You have quite a bit of debt.

/juː/ /hæv/ /kwaɪt/

My student loans. Great.

/maɪ/ /ˈstuː.dənt/ /ɡreɪt/

I thought we were friends.

/θɔːt/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /frɛndz/

You know what, it's fine to penalize me

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /faɪn/ /miː/

for trying to get an education and build a career,

/fɔːr/ /ɡɛt/ /ænd/ /bɪld/ /kəˈrɪr/

but I will not let you deprive my beautiful wife

/bʌt/ /wɪl/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /waɪf/

of her dream home just because I...

/hɜːr/ /driːm/ /hoʊm/ /dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

Okay, actually, it's because of your wife's credit card debt.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /jʊr/

Oh, my God.

/maɪ/

Marshall, there's something I have to tell you,

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /juː/

and I want you to hear it from me first.

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /hɪr/ /ɪt/ /miː/ /fɜːrst/

Okay, so let me get this straight.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /ɡɛt/ /streɪt/

You just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment?

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɜːrl/ /sʌm/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Yeah, we spent the night.

/wiː/ /naɪt/

- Hey, look at you. - Hey.

/lʊk/ /juː/

I'm wearing your bathrobe.

/jʊr/

I hope you don't mind.

/hoʊp/ /juː/ /maɪnd/

The only thing missing from that bathrobe are your initials.

/ˈoʊnli/ /θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /jʊr/

My mom's gonna be in town next week.

/maɪ/ /biː/ /taʊn/ /nɛkst/ /wiːk/

Is it okay if she stays with us?

/ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/

Only if she sleeps in the bed and I sleep on the couch.

/ˈoʊnli/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /bɛd/ /ænd/ /sliːp/ /ɒn/ /kaʊtʃ/

- You're so sweet. - I love you.

/swiːt/ /lʌv/ /juː/

There, I said it and I'm not taking it back.

/ðɛr/ /sɛd/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /bæk/

Oh, my God! I love you, too.

/maɪ/ /lʌv/ /juː/

I'm finally not the first one to say it!

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /fɜːrst/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/

How about you get in the shower, and I will make us some waffles.

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈʃaʊər/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /meɪk/ /ʌs/ /sʌm/

Works every time.

/wɜːrks/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/

Wait. That time that you offered to walk my dogs

/weɪt/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /wɔːk/ /maɪ/ /dɒɡz/

when I went to visit my dad in Vancouver...

/wɛn/ /wɛnt/ /ˈvɪz.ɪt/ /maɪ/ /dæd/

Yup. Yup.

Is that why my Yorkie trembled for like a week after I got back?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /waɪ/ /maɪ/ /fɔːr/ /laɪk/ /wiːk/ /ˈæf.tər/ /bæk/

Yeah. That little guy saw some stuff I'm not proud of.

/ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɡaɪ/ /sɔː/ /sʌm/ /stʌf/ /praʊd/

What ?

/wɒt/

There was a fight here.

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /faɪt/ /hɪr/

What do you mean?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/

Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument,

/ænd/ /hæv/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈɑːrɡjʊmənt/

they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /liːv/ /ˈɛvɪdəns/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Oh, God, here we go. He had a detective club as a kid.

/hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /dɪˈtɛktɪv/ /klʌb/ /kɪd/

Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases.

/bɔɪz/ /lɒt/ /bɪɡ/

The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister.

/bɔɪz/ /juː/ /miːn/ /juː/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /ˈsɪs.tər/

We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.

/wiː/ /ˈmɪstəri/

Hmm, let me guess: it was in the garbage.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /ɡɛs/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡɑːrbɪdʒ/

Why are you like this?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /laɪk/

Anyway, this is serious.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ɪz/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

I know Lily and Marshall.

/noʊ/ /ænd/

All the telltale signs are here.

/ɔːl/ /hɪr/

Like this.

/laɪk/

- A water bottle? - Don't touch the evidence!

/ˈwɔː.tər/ /ˈbɒtəl/ /tʌtʃ/ /ˈɛvɪdəns/

I got your back, partner.

/jʊr/ /bæk/ /ˈpɑːrtnər/

It's not just any water bottle.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈwɔː.tər/ /ˈbɒtəl/

Notice the label is peeled off.

/ˈnoʊtɪs/ /ɪz/ /ɒf/

Lily always peels labels off the bottle when she's feeling guilty.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɒf/ /ˈbɒtəl/ /wɛn/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ˈɡɪlti/

This label is not only peeled off...

/ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɒf/

but torn up.

/bʌt/ /ʌp/

Oh, man, she must have done something bad.

/mæn/ /ʃiː/ /mʌst/ /hæv/ /dʌn/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /bæd/

Which means Marshall must have been really angry,

/wɪtʃ/ /mʌst/ /hæv/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈæŋɡri/

and when Marshall gets really angry...

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /ɡɛts/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈæŋɡri/

he eats.

/hiː/

Just as I suspected,

/dʒʌst/

Cherry Garcia. Cherry Garcia.

Given the liquid consistency,

/ˈɡɪv.ən/

I place the fight between...

/pleɪs/ /faɪt/ /bɪˈtwiːn/

noon and 1:00.

/ænd/

Ew, that was on the floor.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /flɔːr/

If you want to get to the bottom of this,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɡɛt/

you're gonna need a stronger stomach than that, doll-face.

/niːd/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Marshall stood here.

/hɪr/

Eating and yelling, yelling and eating.

/ˈiː.tɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ænd/ /ˈiː.tɪŋ/

Lily stood here.

/hɪr/

- Crying. - Ew, Ted.

/ˈkraɪɪŋ/

And then Marshall tried to storm out...

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /stɔːrm/ /aʊt/

but Lily... went for the Hail Mary pass.

/bʌt/ /wɛnt/ /fɔːr/ /pæs/

Which would mean...

/wɪtʃ/ /wʊd/ /miːn/

What do you think, makeup sex?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /sɛks/

No. There'd be bigger mess.

/noʊ/ /biː/ /mɛs/

Tempted as he was, Marshall was still too upset.

/hiː/ /wɒz/ /wɒz/ /ʌpˈsɛt/

He had to get out of here, any way he could.

/hiː/ /hæd/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /ˈɛn.i/ /weɪ/ /hiː/ /kʊd/

He chose the door, slamming it behind him.

/hiː/ /dɔːr/ /ɪt/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /hɪm/

Which is why this picture is crooked.

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ɪz/

Nice catch, rook.

/naɪs/

I'll just, uh, take this down to the lab.

/dʒʌst/ /teɪk/ /daʊn/

Now all we need is a motive.

/naʊ/ /ɔːl/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /ɪz/

The million-dollar question.

/ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

What were they fighting about?

/wɒt/ /wɜːr/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

I know what they've been fighting...

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/

Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

There's only one possible conclusion.

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/ /kənˈkluːʒən/

Lily and Marshall were fighting about...

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

peanut butter.

/ˈbʌtər/

Lily left the lid off...

/lɛft/ /ɒf/

then Marshall blew his.

/ðɛn/ /hɪz/

I know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /ˈbʌtər/

- Robin, just... - I appreciate your help,

/dʒʌst/ /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /jʊr/ /hɛlp/

but there's a reason your name is Robin, not Batman.

/bʌt/ /ˈriːzən/ /jʊr/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

Just...

/dʒʌst/

They were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all Lily's fault.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ðeɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /ləʊn/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /fɔːlt/

- Robin, just... - What?

/dʒʌst/ /wɒt/

Yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of Mount... Rushmore.

/ʃiː/ /hæz/ /saɪz/

Nice try, Robin. So, the next thing Lily did

/naɪs/ /traɪ/ /nɛkst/ /θɪŋ/ /dɪd/

was give Marshall a few hours to cool off about the peanut butter.

/wɒz/ /ɡɪv/ /fjuː/ /ˈaʊərz/ /kuːl/ /ɒf/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈbʌtər/

Then she called him to apologize,

/ðɛn/ /ʃiː/ /hɪm/ /əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/

which is why the last number dialed... is...

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/ /læst/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ɪz/

Greenstein and Lee, Divorce Attorneys.

/ænd/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/

- This can't be happening. - They can't... get divorced.

/biː/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /ðeɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /dɪˈvɔːrst/

Not Lily and Marshall, no way.

/ænd/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/

Well, it's been nice knowing you guys.

/wɛl/ /naɪs/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

- What do you mean? - Well...

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/ /wɛl/

Marshall's gonna get you guys, Lily's gonna get me.

/ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/

Even if they did break up, that doesn't mean we can't all still hang out.

/ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /dɪd/ /breɪk/ /ʌp/ /ðæt/ /miːn/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /aʊt/

I mean we broke up and we still hang out. It's not weird.

/miːn/ /wiː/ /ʌp/ /ænd/ /wiː/ /aʊt/

- It's a little weird. - Yeah, it is. It's weird.

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

The world needs Marshall and Lily... together.

/wɜːrld/ /ænd/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

I'm not crying, there's something in my eye.

/ˈkraɪɪŋ/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /aɪ/

They're back.

/bæk/

- Hey, hey, guys. - Hey.

/ɡaɪz/

We have an announcement.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /əˈnaʊnsmənt/

I know, it's a terrible idea. You can't do it!

/noʊ/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Just look at me.

/dʒʌst/ /lʊk/ /miː/

I hit redial on the phone. Divorce lawyers?

/ɒn/ /foʊn/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/

Oh, I should explain.

/ʃʊd/ /ɪkˈspleɪn/

- We got in a pretty big fight. - Yeah, I know.

/wiː/ /ˈprɪti/ /bɪɡ/ /faɪt/ /noʊ/

- Marshall stormed out. - I went, uh, to the bar.

/aʊt/ /wɛnt/ /bɑːr/

Still drinking that?

/ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/ /ðæt/

I paid for it. And apparently money's tight now, so...

/fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /taɪt/ /naʊ/

Listen, I've been thinking about this, and,

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

I know there's no way to undo what I've done, but, well,

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/ /wɒt/ /dʌn/ /bʌt/ /wɛl/

I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.

/əˈpɔɪntmənt/ /wɪð/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/ /ˈlɔːjər/

What?! What?!

/wɒt/ /wɒt/

Oh, no, no, no, no-no.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

- What, you want a divorce now? - No. I just mean on paper,

/wɒt/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/ /naʊ/ /noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /miːn/ /ɒn/ /ˈpeɪ.pər/

so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down.

/ðæt/ /juː/ /kæn/ /baɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /maɪ/ /bæd/ /ʌs/ /daʊn/

Lily... are you trying to kill me?

/juː/ /kɪl/ /miː/

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /hæv/ /wɪð/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/ /ˈlɔːjər/ /pɑːrt/

No, you shouldn't have.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /hæv/

I love you, Lily.

/lʌv/ /juː/

I love you, too.

/lʌv/ /juː/

And I want us to have our dream home.

/ænd/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/ /hæv/ /aʊər/ /driːm/ /hoʊm/

Well, I don't know. It seems like this is a way to do it.

/wɛl/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/ /ɪz/ /weɪ/ /duː/ /ɪt/

So... Marshall Eriksen, will you divorce me?

/wɪl/ /juː/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/ /miː/

That's the sweetest divorce proposal I've ever heard.

/dɪˈvɔːrs/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hɜːrd/

So is that a yes? You can't sleep with other women though.

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /ðoʊ/

No, we're not getting divorced, not even on paper.

/noʊ/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /dɪˈvɔːrst/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɒn/ /ˈpeɪ.pər/

When I married you, I married your problems, too.

/wɛn/ /ˈmærid/ /juː/ /ˈmærid/ /jʊr/

The ones I knew about and the ones I didn't.

/njuː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

That was the deal. We'll figure this out together.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /diːl/ /aʊt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Can I get you guys anything else?

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ɛls/

So you're not getting a divorce?

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/

- No. - Wow, you guys scared us.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /skɛrd/ /ʌs/

Oh, thank God.

'Cause, I mean if you did, then,

/kɔːz/ /miːn/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /ðɛn/

who'd be the lame married couple I get to make fun of?

/biː/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /ɡɛt/ /meɪk/ /fʌn/

Like, "Hey, Marshall, you married Miss Right.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /ˈmærid/ /mɪs/ /raɪt/

You just didn't know her first name was Always."

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /noʊ/ /hɜːr/ /fɜːrst/ /neɪm/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

That stuff is gold.

/ðæt/ /stʌf/ /ɪz/

So, what's the announcement?

/əˈnaʊnsmənt/

I just got off the phone with the Realtor.

/dʒʌst/ /ɒf/ /foʊn/ /wɪð/

We told her that, uh, because of our finances,

/wiː/ /toʊld/ /hɜːr/ /ðæt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /aʊər/

we're not getting the place. It's just... it's not the right time.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /pleɪs/ /dʒʌst/ /raɪt/ /taɪm/

Is what Marshall should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

I just got off the phone with the realtor.

/dʒʌst/ /ɒf/ /foʊn/ /wɪð/

- We got the place! - We're homeowners!

/wiː/ /pleɪs/

- Are you insane? - Have you lost your mind?

/juː/ /ɪnˈseɪn/ /hæv/ /juː/ /lɒst/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/

Is what we should have said.

/ɪz/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /sɛd/

- Yes! Congratulations! - That's awesome!

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

- Thank you. - Wow! Wow!

/juː/

This is exciting!

/ɪz/ /ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/

Yeah. There it is! Our new home.

/ðɛr/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /aʊər/ /njuː/ /hoʊm/

- Shall we? - We shall.

/ʃæl/ /wiː/ /wiː/ /ʃæl/

Oh, what a horrible smell.

/wɒt/ /ˈhɒrɪbl/ /smɛl/

It reeks.

/ɪt/

Oh, that's just the plant.

/dʒʌst/

Don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends.

/ˈwʌri/ /ðeɪ/ /ʃʌt/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/ /ɒn/

Wh-What plant? What are you talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Don't you know?

/juː/ /noʊ/

Baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind of the sewage treatment plant.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /hoʊl/ /ɪz/ /ˈtriːtmənt/

Wait... Khoan

/weɪt/

What did you just say?

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /seɪ/

I said, we're downwind of the sewage treatment plant.

/sɛd/ /ˈtriːtmənt/