Season 4 · Tập 1

KIDS,

/kɪdz/

THE YEAR 2030 HERE'S SOMETHING I WISH MY DAD HAD TOLD ME.

/jɪr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /wɪʃ/ /maɪ/ /dæd/ /hæd/ /toʊld/ /miː/

The longest pause you will ever experience in your life

/juː/ /wɪl/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɪkˈspɪəriəns/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

PRESEND DAY

/deɪ/

PRESEND DAY is the one that follows asking the question...

/deɪ/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

Will you marry me?

/wɪl/ /juː/ /ˈmæri/ /miː/

Your brain goes into overdrive,

/jʊr/ /breɪn/ /ɡoʊz/

imagining every possible response.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

No.

/noʊ/

Oh, God, no.

/noʊ/

You want me to marry...

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /miː/ /ˈmæri/

No.

/noʊ/

Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. I can't.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Mark Johnson, the quarterback

/mɑːrk/

from your high school football team, already asked me.

/jʊr/ /haɪ/ /skuːl/ /ˈfʊtbɔːl/ /tiːm/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /miː/

What's up, Turd?

/ʌp/

It's Ted!

But if you're lucky, she may answer with the single

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /ˈlʌki/ /ʃiː/ /meɪ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /wɪð/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/

greatest word in the English language.

/wɜːrd/ /ˈɪŋ.ɡlɪʃ/ /ˈlæŋ.ɡwɪdʒ/

Yes.

Stella and I spent that summer happily engaged.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ˈsʌmər/ /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd/

Marshall was still coping with unemployment.

/wɒz/ /wɪð/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Lily threw herself into her painting.

/hɜːr/ /ˈpeɪntɪŋ/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Barney was rehabilitating from his bus accident.

/wɒz/ /hɪz/ /bʌs/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

And well, Marshall just kept

/ænd/ /wɛl/ /dʒʌst/

coping with unemployment.

/wɪð/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

METRO NEWS 1 And Robin continued to uphold

/njuːz/ /ænd/

METRO NEWS 1 the high journalistic standards of Metro News 1.

/njuːz/ /haɪ/ /njuːz/

Is your favorite brand of dental floss

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /ˈdɛntəl/

poisoning your entire family?

/jʊr/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

Tune in at 11:00 for the shocking... tooth.

/fɔːr/

Okay, I officially hate my job.

/heɪt/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/

I'm not a reporter, I'm just someone

/rɪˈpɔːtər/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

who shows up at night and scares people.

/huː/ /ʃoʊz/ /ʌp/ /naɪt/ /ænd/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

I'm the bogeyman with a teleprompter.

/wɪð/

"Bogeyman with a teleprompter. "

/wɪð/

That's hilarious! Great joke,

/hɪˈlɛriəs/ /ɡreɪt/ /dʒoʊk/

Robin, great joke.

/ɡreɪt/ /dʒoʊk/

Barney, no offense to Robin,

/noʊ/

but that wasn't that funny.

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /ðæt/ /ˈfʌn.i/

Are you kidding? That was a great joke.

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡreɪt/ /dʒoʊk/

It's smart, funny beautiful, the whole package.

/smɑːrt/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /hoʊl/ /ˈpækɪdʒ/

It's everything you're afraid to let yourself want.

/ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /əˈfreɪd/ /lɛt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /wɒnt/

In a joke.

/dʒoʊk/

"Bogeyman with a teleprompter. "

/wɪð/

Classic.

/ˈklæsɪk/

Okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /miː/ /ænd/ /miː/

to come over at 7:22 in the morning?

/kʌm/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

I could tell you knew something was up with me,

/kʊd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /njuː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /miː/

and you're right.

/ænd/ /raɪt/

But I can't

/bʌt/

tell you what it is.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

I should tell you, but I can't!

/ʃʊd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /bʌt/

I have to. I never will!

/hæv/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɪl/

I'm going to. Let's just drop it.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /dʒʌst/ /drɒp/ /ɪt/

What's up with you?

/ʌp/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Barney, just say it.

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/

I think I'm in love with Robin.

/θɪŋk/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

Hey, Lily needs some gift ideas

/sʌm/ /ɡɪft/

for Stella's wedding shower.

/fɔːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈʃaʊər/

Does she like to cook?

/dʌz/ /ʃiː/ /laɪk/ /kʊk/

Um... actually, I don't know.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /noʊ/

Oh, what's her favorite color?

/hɜːr/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /ˈkʌlər/

Don't know that either.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /ˈiː.ðər/

Well, does she have any hobbies?

/wɛl/ /dʌz/ /ʃiː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/

Yes, she's exactly

/ɪɡˈzæktli/

the kind of person who would have hobbies.

/kaɪnd/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /huː/ /wʊd/ /hæv/

And interests, too.

/ænd/

I am one lucky son of a bitch.

/ˈlʌki/ /sʌn/

Dude, you don't know

/juː/ /noʊ/

anything about the woman you're marrying.

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /ˈmæriɪŋ/

What? You're crazy! I know plenty.

/wɒt/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /noʊ/ /ˈplɛnti/

What color are her eyes?

/wɒt/ /ˈkʌlər/ /hɜːr/ /aɪz/

The color of the ocean after a storm.

/ˈkʌlər/ /ˈæf.tər/ /stɔːrm/

Which is?

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/

Beautiful.

/ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ɪt/

I thought you called me over here

/θɔːt/ /juː/ /miː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪr/

to uncuff you from your sex swing again,

/juː/ /jʊr/ /sɛks/ /əˈɡɛn/

but you're in love?

/bʌt/ /lʌv/

That is so sweet!

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /swiːt/

It's not "sweet

/swiːt/

It's like a disease.

/laɪk/ /dɪˈziːz/

I slept with Robin one time and I caught feelings.

/slɛpt/ /wɪð/ /taɪm/ /ænd/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

I caught feelings bad.

/ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /bæd/

I used protection and everything.

/prəˈtɛkʃən/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

Oh, Barney, you don't

/juː/

"catch" feelings, you just have them.

/ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /ðɛm/

And they're good.

/ænd/ /ɡʊd/

They're terrible!

/ˈtɛrɪbl/

I can't eat, I can't sleep.

/iːt/ /sliːp/

She's all I think about.

/ɔːl/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/

I close my eyes, I see Robin.

/kloʊs/ /maɪ/ /aɪz/ /siː/

I, I hear a song; it reminds me of Robin.

/hɪr/ /sɒŋ/ /ɪt/ /miː/

- Morning. - I sleep with that chick,

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /tʃɪk/

I'm thinking about Robin.

/əˈbaʊt/

Okay, so I don't know every single detail about Stella.

/noʊ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /əˈbaʊt/

What's this really about?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/

Do you not like her or something?

/duː/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /hɜːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

No, Ted, I like Stella a lot.

/noʊ/ /laɪk/ /lɒt/

She's a Mets fan.

/fæn/

- Really? - It's just that everything with you guys has moved so fast.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /hæz/ /fæst/

You've only known each other a few months.

/ˈoʊnli/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /fjuː/

Don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit?

/juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /sloʊ/ /θɪŋz/ /daʊn/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Get to know each other better?

/ɡɛt/ /noʊ/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

I'll have a whole lifetime to get to know her better.

/hæv/ /hoʊl/ /ɡɛt/ /noʊ/ /hɜːr/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Right now, I know the one thing that I have to: that I love her.

/raɪt/ /naʊ/ /noʊ/ /θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /lʌv/ /hɜːr/

You love her?

/juː/ /lʌv/ /hɜːr/

Barney, Barney,

how can you be in love,

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /juː/ /biː/ /lʌv/

and still be sleeping with anything that moves?

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈsliːpɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/

I'm sorry, I don't follow you.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈfɒl.oʊ/ /juː/

That's like saying, "How can an ant carry

/laɪk/ /haʊ/ /kæn/

"20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?"

/taɪmz/ /ɪts/ /ˈbɒdi/ /bʌt/ /bɪər/ /dɪˈlɪʃəs/

Are the two even related?

/tuː/ /ˈiːvən/ /rɪˈleɪtɪd/

Really? Ow!

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /stɒp/ /əˈraʊnd/

if you want to be Robin's boyfriend.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/

"Boyfriend"?

/ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/

I don't want to be Robin's boyfriend.

/wɒnt/ /biː/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/

Well, what do you want, then?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ðɛn/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

I just want to be with her.

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

All the time.

/ɔːl/ /taɪm/

I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine.

/wɒnt/ /hɪr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɜːr/ /deɪ/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /hɜːr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪn/

I want to hold her hand and smell her hair.

/wɒnt/ /hoʊld/ /hɜːr/ /hænd/ /ænd/ /smɛl/ /hɜːr/ /hɛr/

But I don't want to be her stupid boyfriend.

/bʌt/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/

Barney, what you just described is a relationship

/wɒt/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪz/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

/bɪˈtwiːn/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/ /ænd/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/

And a pretty clingy one at that.

/ænd/ /ˈprɪti/ /ðæt/

Look, Lily, are you going to help me out with this or not?

/lʊk/ /juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hɛlp/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/

I'm a kindergarten teacher.

/ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/ /ˈtiː.tʃər/

I see a confused, little kid in the corner

/siː/ /kənˈfjuːzd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪd/ /ˈkɔːrnər/

trying to eat the lefty scissors,

/iːt/

I gotta help the poor, little bastard.

/hɛlp/ /pʊr/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

But only if you stop sleeping around. Deal?

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /stɒp/ /ˈsliːpɪŋ/ /əˈraʊnd/ /diːl/

Deal.

/diːl/

Coming up next, is your local ice cream man

/ʌp/ /nɛkst/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈloʊkl/ /aɪs/ /kriːm/ /mæn/

actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels?

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈdraɪvɪŋ/ /ɒn/

Stay tuned for the full...

/steɪ/ /fɔːr/ /fʊl/

scoop.

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

- Uh-huh... - Mmm...

I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook,

/noʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /fɔːr/ /ɡaɪ/ /kʊk/

but us ladies?

/bʌt/ /ʌs/

We find it mighty sexy.

/wiː/ /faɪnd/ /ɪt/

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

You know, uh...

/juː/ /noʊ/

my grandma taught me how.

/maɪ/ /ˈɡrænmɑː/ /tɔːt/ /miː/ /haʊ/

- Oh, yeah, she did. - Yeah.

/ʃiː/ /dɪd/

I had a lot of time after school to watch her cook because

/hæd/ /lɒt/ /taɪm/ /ˈæf.tər/ /skuːl/ /wɒtʃ/ /hɜːr/ /kʊk/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

I wasn't good at sports.

/ɡʊd/ /spɔːrts/

I'm on fire right now.

/ɒn/ /faɪər/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Delicious. What's in this pesto?

/dɪˈlɪʃəs/

Oh, you know, the usual: basil, garlic, olive oil,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ɔɪl/

but can you guess my secret ingredient?

/bʌt/ /kæn/ /juː/ /ɡɛs/ /maɪ/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/ /ɪnˈɡriːdiənt/

- Peanuts. - Yes. How did you know that?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

- Okay, let me think. What else? - You know what, sweetie?

/lɛt/ /miː/ /θɪŋk/ /wɒt/ /ɛls/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈswiːti/

I woke up so early and I had a really long day at work.

/ʌp/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /lɔːŋ/ /deɪ/ /wɜːrk/

And then there was that whole thing

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

where you tried to kill me.

/wɛr/ /juː/ /kɪl/ /miː/

Can we please just go to sleep?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /pliːz/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /sliːp/

No, I clearly need to know more about you.

/noʊ/ /ˈklɪərli/ /niːd/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

Let's do firsts. Um, first kiss?

/duː/ /fɜːrst/ /kɪs/

Dale Harris, second grade.

/ˈsɛk.ənd/ /ɡreɪd/

Wait, you're talking like peck on the cheek

/weɪt/ /laɪk/ /ɒn/

or a full-on passionate making out?

/aʊt/

- Passionate making out. - Okay, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade.

/aʊt/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/ /ɡreɪd/

Uh, first time you had sex.

/fɜːrst/ /taɪm/ /juː/ /hæd/ /sɛks/

- Dale Harris, second... - Stop it.

/ˈsɛk.ənd/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

Billy Devito, sophomore year of college.

/jɪr/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

Prude.

Molly McKenzie, junior year of high school.

/jɪr/ /haɪ/ /skuːl/

Slut.

Robin just needs to see this new see of you.

/dʒʌst/ /siː/ /njuː/ /siː/ /juː/

- So just call her up? - Just call her up.

/dʒʌst/ /kɔːl/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/ /dʒʌst/ /kɔːl/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/

It's...

Hi, Robin.

She wasn't there.

/ʃiː/ /ðɛr/

I left a voice mail.

/lɛft/ /vɔɪs/ /meɪl/

You left a voice, but it wasn't male.

/juː/ /lɛft/ /vɔɪs/ /bʌt/ /ɪt/ /meɪl/

Barney, I don't get it.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

You've called a million girls a million times.

/ˈmɪljən/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /ˈmɪljən/ /taɪmz/

Yeah, but those were just booty calls.

/bʌt/ /ðoʊz/ /wɜːr/ /dʒʌst/ /kɔːlz/

On a booty call, you barely even have to talk.

/ɒn/ /kɔːl/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /hæv/ /tɔːk/

9:03 PM Around 9:00 p. m., you say...

/əˈraʊnd/ /juː/ /seɪ/

Hey, baby, it's Barney. You busy tonight?

/ˈbeɪbi/ /juː/ /ˈbɪzi/ /təˈnaɪt/

Sweet. See you in half an hour?

/swiːt/ /siː/ /juː/ /hæf/ /ˈaʊ.ər/

Can't wait.

/weɪt/

12:22 AM But the later it gets, the fewer words you need.

/bʌt/ /ˈleɪtər/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛts/ /wɜːrdz/ /juː/ /niːd/

Barney. Busy?

/ˈbɪzi/

Sweet.

/swiːt/

3:00 AM And by 3:00 in the morning...

/ænd/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Sweet.

/swiːt/

A question mark?

/ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /mɑːrk/

You got laid off a question mark?

/juː/ /ɒf/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /mɑːrk/

Ow! Hey!

It's no worse than your super-obvious code words.

/noʊ/ /wɜːrs/ /ðæn/ /jʊr/ /koʊd/ /wɜːrdz/

Rhinoceros.

We have to go.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/

Great. Now we need a new code word.

/ɡreɪt/ /naʊ/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /njuː/ /koʊd/ /wɜːrd/

Ah, ah, it's her, it's Robin.

/hɜːr/

What do I do?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /duː/

No-no-no-no, aah! Robin...

great to hear from you.

/ɡreɪt/ /hɪr/ /juː/

To what do I owe the pleasure?

/wɒt/ /duː/

You called, went , and hung up.

/juː/ /wɛnt/ /ænd/ /ʌp/

What do you want?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/

Help me!

/hɛlp/ /miː/

Uh, just ask her something.

/dʒʌst/ /æsk/ /hɜːr/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

How are you feeling today?

/haʊ/ /juː/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /təˈdeɪ/

Fine.

/faɪn/

Something personal.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈpɜːrsənl/

At what age did you first get your period?

/wɒt/ /eɪdʒ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /fɜːrst/ /ɡɛt/ /jʊr/

Did you just ask me about about my period?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /æsk/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪ/

No, I did not.

/noʊ/ /dɪd/

Look, Barney, I'm at work right now.

/lʊk/ /wɜːrk/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Just ask her out.

/dʒʌst/ /æsk/ /hɜːr/ /aʊt/

Um, Robin, I was wondering if...

/wɒz/ /ɪf/

Nothing. Gotta go. Bye.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /baɪ/

Ha! That was just a practical joke.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /dʒoʊk/

I'm not really in love with Robin.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

You should've seen the look on your face.

/juː/ /lʊk/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /feɪs/

There's cameras right there and there and there. Ah!

/raɪt/ /ðɛr/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/

What a legendary prank that we're never going to speak of again.

/wɒt/ /ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /spiːk/ /əˈɡɛn/

PM 19:47:00

Gross.

Uh, first movie you ever saw.

/fɜːrst/ /ˈmuːvi/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /sɔː/

Benji, 1981. Benji, 1981.

I watched it recently with Lucy and I just thought,

/wɒtʃt/ /ɪt/ /ˈriːsəntli/ /wɪð/ /ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /θɔːt/

"Oh, that dog is so dead right now. "

/ðæt/ /dɔːɡ/ /ɪz/ /dɛd/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

What about you?

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

My dad took me to an old drive-in

/maɪ/ /dæd/ /tʊk/ /miː/ /oʊld/

to see the original Star Wars.

/siː/ /əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/ /stɑːr/

You know, I've actually never seen Star Wars.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /stɑːr/

She's never seen Star Wars?!

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /stɑːr/

Ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/ /huː/

Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars,

/stɑːr/ /stɑːr/

and that's 'cause they lived them, Ted!

/ænd/ /kɔːz/ /ðeɪ/ /ðɛm/

That's 'cause they lived the Star Wars.

/kɔːz/ /ðeɪ/ /stɑːr/

You've got to calm down.

/kɑːm/ /daʊn/

I told you. I told you you didn't

/toʊld/ /juː/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /juː/

know this girl well enough.

/noʊ/ /ɡɜːrl/ /wɛl/ /ɪˈnʌf/

What if you show it to her and she doesn't like it?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ʃoʊ/ /ɪt/ /hɜːr/ /ænd/ /ʃiː/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

Dude, it's just a movie.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈmuːvi/

Ted, Star Wars is your all-time favorite movie,

/stɑːr/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /ˈmuːvi/

and whether or not Stella likes it is actually important.

/ænd/ /ˈwɛðər/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

It's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are.

/laɪk/ /tɛst/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

Marshall, it's just a movie.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈmuːvi/

It's just a movie.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈmuːvi/

121 AWESOME MINUTES LATER

/ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈleɪtər/

Okay, if Stella doesn't like this movie,

/ɪf/ /laɪk/ /ˈmuːvi/

- I can't marry her. - No, you can't.

/ˈmæri/ /hɜːr/ /noʊ/ /juː/

- You want to watch it again? - Yes, I do.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /wɒtʃ/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛn/ /duː/

Wait, where are the boys? I thought this was a group thing.

/weɪt/ /wɛr/ /bɔɪz/ /θɔːt/ /wɒz/ /ɡruːp/ /θɪŋ/

Yeah, I lied.

/laɪd/

They're not coming and I'm about to leave.

/ænd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /liːv/

- Why? - Because...

/waɪ/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

they're not in love with Robin, and neither am I.

/lʌv/ /wɪð/ /ænd/

I mean, she's great and sweet.

/miːn/ /ɡreɪt/ /ænd/ /swiːt/

I'm not going to pretend that I hen't noticed her body,

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /hɜːr/ /ˈbɒdi/

but this is off topic. Good luck.

/bʌt/ /ɪz/ /ɒf/ /ˈtɒp.ɪk/ /ɡʊd/ /lʌk/

Wait, wait, I can't do this.

/weɪt/ /weɪt/ /duː/

She'll never take me seriously.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /teɪk/ /miː/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/

- She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot. - Hey.

/ʃiː/ /sʌm/ /ˈɪdiət/

We both know you're more than that.

/wiː/ /boʊθ/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Okay, just show Robin the Barney I met the other day.

/dʒʌst/ /ʃoʊ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /deɪ/

You mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male

/juː/ /miːn/

who sounded alarmingly close to Ted?

/huː/ /kloʊs/

Hey, Ted hit that for over a year.

/ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /jɪr/

Wish me luck.

/wɪʃ/ /miː/ /lʌk/

I just thought it'd be fun to watch a movie tonight,

/dʒʌst/ /θɔːt/ /biː/ /fʌn/ /wɒtʃ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /təˈnaɪt/

and since you've never seen Star Wars,

/ænd/ /sɪns/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /stɑːr/

I figured why not?

/waɪ/

No big deal.

/noʊ/ /bɪɡ/ /diːl/

It's pretty good.

/ˈprɪti/ /ɡʊd/

- Sounds like a plan. - Hmm.

/laɪk/ /plæn/

Hey, I'm just gonna grab a beer.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡræb/ /bɪər/

- You want one? - Um...

/juː/ /wɒnt/

the movie's already started, so...

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

Yeah, it's just some words flying through space.

/dʒʌst/ /sʌm/ /wɜːrdz/ /θruː/ /speɪs/

I mean, I'm not going to read that anyway.

/miːn/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /riːd/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

Oh, my God

/maɪ/

Off to a bad start.

/ɒf/ /bæd/ /stɑːrt/

What are you doing down there?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /daʊn/ /ðɛr/

I'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman.

/ʃʊr/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/ /ɪz/ /ˈmæriɪŋ/ /raɪt/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

That's what I'm doing.

/wɒt/

Dude, what the hell are you doing, hiding behind the couch?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /kaʊtʃ/

You need to get a job.

/juː/ /niːd/ /ɡɛt/ /dʒɒb/

I really do, don't I?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /duː/

Yeah.

So, Robin. tell me about your day,

/tɛl/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/ /deɪ/

and not just what happened,

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

how you felt about what happened.

/haʊ/ /juː/ /fɛlt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

What?

/wɒt/

I'm not looking to problem-solve,

I'm just looking to listen.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈlɪs.ən/

Why are you acting like this?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈæktɪŋ/ /laɪk/

Like what?

/laɪk/ /wɒt/

You're being super nice.

/ˈsuːpər/ /naɪs/

It's freaking me out.

/miː/ /aʊt/

Be gross, be inappropriate.

/biː/ /biː/

- Be Barney. - Uh,

/biː/

I'm being Barney,

and I think tonight's going to be

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/

de- wait for it- lightful.

/weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Delightful.

Right.

/raɪt/

Hey, um, so I went to the chiropractor yesterday.

/wɛnt/ /ˈjɛs.tər.deɪ/

That guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour.

/ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /miː/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /ænd/ /miː/ /fɔːr/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈaʊ.ər/

Is insurance going to cover that?

/ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈkʌvər/ /ðæt/

Sometimes they don't.

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /ðeɪ/

That's it?

/ɪt/

Okay.

Well, um, today I was at the dentist.

/wɛl/ /təˈdeɪ/ /wɒz/ /ˈdɛntɪst/

That guy drilled me all day long.

/ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /miː/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/ /lɔːŋ/

He drilled me hard.

/hiː/ /miː/ /hɑːrd/

He filled all of my cavities.

/hiː/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/

Come on, man.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /mæn/

Well, your teeth look fantastic.

/wɛl/ /jʊr/ /tiːθ/ /lʊk/

Who are you?

/huː/ /juː/

What?

/wɒt/

Nothing.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

You were staring at me.

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /miː/

You look really beautiful tonight.

/juː/ /lʊk/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /təˈnaɪt/

You don't look so bad yourself, mister.

/juː/ /lʊk/ /bæd/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Yeah, great scene, great scene.

/ɡreɪt/ /siːn/ /ɡreɪt/ /siːn/

Star Wars fun fact number seven-

/stɑːr/ /fʌn/ /fækt/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ˈsɛvən/

George Lucas based the film's structure

/ˈstrʌktʃər/

on Akira Kurosawa's The Hidden Fortress.

/ɒn/

Uh, he also owes a debt

/hiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/

to Joseph Campbell's work with comparative mythology.

/wɜːrk/ /wɪð/

Yeah, Ted, I'm losing wood over here.

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪr/

What's going on?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

Nothing.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

Wait, it's really important to you

/weɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /juː/

that I like this movie, isn't it?

/ðæt/ /laɪk/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ɪt/

No.

/noʊ/

Well,I'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time.

/wɛl/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /miː/ /hoʊl/ /taɪm/

Go to your room and I will come get you when it's over.

/ɡoʊ/ /jʊr/ /ruːm/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /kʌm/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /wɛn/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

- Stella. - Go.

/ɡoʊ/

Should I leave, too?

/ʃʊd/ /liːv/

What part, what part, what part?

/wɒt/ /pɑːrt/ /wɒt/ /pɑːrt/ /wɒt/ /pɑːrt/

Thanks.

Nothing?

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

Not even a glance?

/ˈiːvən/

I mean, even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys.

/miːn/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɒz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɒn/ /ðoʊz/ /bæd/ /bɔɪz/

What the hell is wrong with you, Barney?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /rɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /juː/

I don't always want to be that guy.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

Sometimes I want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with.

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /juː/ /kæn/ /hæv/ /ˌkɒn.vərˈseɪ.ʃən/ /wɪð/

Now,tell me something about you that I don't know yet.

/naʊ/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/ /jɛt/

Seriously.

/ˈsɪəriəsli/

Okay.

Um... there's a job opening at a new cable network

/dʒɒb/ /njuː/ /ˈnɛtwɜːk/

that would be perfect for me-

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter-

/kəmˈpliːtli/ /wɜːrld/ /njuːz/ /wɪð/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /huː/ /ˈmætər/

uh, but I decided I'm not going to apply.

/bʌt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Why not?

/waɪ/

Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /dʒoʊk/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈskɛri/ /njuːz/ /ˈleɪdi/ /sʌm/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/ /ˈloʊkl/ /njuːz/ /ˈtʃænəl/

Hey, we both know you're more than that.

/wiː/ /boʊθ/ /noʊ/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Promise me you'll apply.

/ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /miː/

Barney, it's not as easy...

/ˈiː.zi/

Promise me you'll apply.

/ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /miː/

Okay.

I promise.

/ˈprɒm.ɪs/

Okay, she's up to the scene where Luke, Leia,

/ʌp/ /siːn/ /wɛr/

Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's trash compactor.

/ænd/ /ɪˈskeɪp/ /dɛθ/ /træʃ/

- Great scene. - Great scene.

/ɡreɪt/ /siːn/ /ɡreɪt/ /siːn/

Okay, we should have just heard...

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /dʒʌst/ /hɜːrd/

...but Stella didn't make a peep.

/bʌt/ /meɪk/

- I'm gonna take a look. - All right.

/teɪk/ /lʊk/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

She's not even watching.

/ˈiːvən/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

She's texting.

I'll tell her you still want to be friends.

/tɛl/ /hɜːr/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /frɛndz/

I don't believe this.

/bɪˈliːv/

I don't believe this; she knows this is important to me.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/ /miː/

She's blatantly...

"Stop watching me, jackasses. "

/stɒp/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /miː/

To taking chances.

You know, Robin, there's actually something I,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

I do want to talk to you about.

/duː/ /wɒnt/ /tɔːk/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/

- Last call. - Of course it is.

/læst/ /kɔːl/ /kɔːrs/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

One more for the road?

/mɔːr/ /fɔːr/ /roʊd/

Yeah, why not?

/waɪ/

Hold that thought?

/hoʊld/ /ðæt/ /θɔːt/

I will.

/wɪl/

I loved it.

/lʌvd/ /ɪt/

Yes!

Yes, I am marrying a woman who is not only hot

/ˈmæriɪŋ/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /huː/ /ɪz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /hɒt/

but loves Star Wars.

/bʌt/ /lʌvz/ /stɑːr/

That's the dream.

/driːm/

Yes

What was that?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/

I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me through the space- time continuum.

/wɒz/ /miː/ /θruː/ /speɪs/ /taɪm/

We did it.

/wiː/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/

We did it, you masturbating little bastard.

/wiː/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Champagne for everybody.

/ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

It was so good.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ɡʊd/

- You hated it, didn't you? - Ugh, it's so stupid.

/juː/ /ˈheɪtɪd/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /ʌɡ/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/

I mean, first of all, how do they understand that walking...

/miːn/ /fɜːrst/ /ɔːl/ /haʊ/ /duː/ /ðeɪ/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /ðæt/

bear they hang around with all the time?

/bɛr/ /ðeɪ/ /əˈraʊnd/ /wɪð/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

- Wookiee. - Yeah, he goes...

/hiː/ /ɡoʊz/

And they're all like,

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /laɪk/

"That's a good point, Bear, let's try that. "

/ɡʊd/ /pɔɪnt/ /bɛr/ /traɪ/ /ðæt/

Okay, he's a Wookiee,

and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear.

/ænd/ /hɪz/ /kaɪnd/ /ɪz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ðeɪ/

Look, Stella, that is Ted's favorite movie of all time.

/lʊk/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

He watches it when he's home sick with the flu.

/hiː/ /ɪt/ /wɛn/ /hoʊm/ /sɪk/ /wɪð/ /fluː/

He watches it on rainy Sunday afternoons in the fall.

/hiː/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈsʌndeɪ/ /fɔːl/

He... he watches it on Christmas Eve.

/hiː/ /hiː/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈkrɪsməs/

Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.

/stɑːr/ /ænd/ /ɡʊd/ /taɪmz/ /ænd/ /bæd/

Do you really think that you can pretend

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /kæn/

to like a movie that you actually hate for the rest of your life?

/laɪk/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /heɪt/ /fɔːr/ /rɛst/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/

I do.

/duː/

Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy.

/wɛl/ /ðɛn/ /ˈlʌki/ /ɡaɪ/

Bear.

/bɛr/

- Hey. - Hey.

So, here's the deal.

/diːl/

April, have... you met Barney?

/hæv/ /juː/

Hi, Barney.

- Uh, hello. - April just finished her shift,

/dʒʌst/ /ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /hɜːr/ /ʃɪft/

and she's looking to blow off some steam.

/ænd/ /ɒf/ /sʌm/ /stiːm/

- Ha. - Hmm.

Would you excuse us for one sec?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /ɪkˈskjuːz/ /ʌs/ /fɔːr/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Well, you were so nice to me tonight,

/wɛl/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /naɪs/ /miː/ /təˈnaɪt/

I wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style.

/rɪˈtɜːrn/

So, as I was saying, April, Barney...

/wɒz/

is the Yankees' new second-baseman.

/ɪz/ /njuː/

And Barney, April asked

/ænd/

if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match.

/ɪf/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪsbɔːl/ /mætʃ/

You can't make this stuff up.

/juː/ /meɪk/ /stʌf/ /ʌp/

So, you two kids have fun.

/juː/ /tuː/ /kɪdz/ /hæv/ /fʌn/

So are you, uh, nervous about the game?

/juː/ /ˈnɜːrvəs/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɡeɪm/

Yeah, I'm nervous for the other team

/ˈnɜːrvəs/ /fɔːr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /tiːm/

'cause when I step up to that plate...

/kɔːz/ /wɛn/ /stɛp/ /ʌp/ /ðæt/

Look, April, I am not a New York Yankee.

/lʊk/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Any other night, I would probably try to convince you

/ˈɛn.i/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /naɪt/ /wʊd/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /traɪ/ /juː/

that I am, but I'm not.

/ðæt/ /bʌt/

I'm just some guy who's in love with the girl that just left,

/dʒʌst/ /sʌm/ /ɡaɪ/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛft/

and she's never going to feel the same way.

/ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /fiːl/ /seɪm/ /weɪ/

So I'm just going to go.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/

And that was it.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/

I'm so sorry, Barney.

/ˈsɒr.i/

But you can't give up.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ɡɪv/ /ʌp/

You know, it may take some time,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /meɪ/ /teɪk/ /sʌm/ /taɪm/

but once Robin really sees the new you...

/bʌt/ /wʌns/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /njuː/ /juː/

Barney, um, Barney,

when my family gets to Yankee Stadium,

/wɛn/ /maɪ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ɡɛts/ /ˈsteɪdiəm/

are the tickets under your name or mine?

/ˈtɪkɪts/ /ˈʌndər/ /jʊr/ /neɪm/ /maɪn/

My name, and tell your nephews to bring their mitts.

/maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /jʊr/ /brɪŋ/ /ðɛr/

They're going to be in foul ball country.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /bɔːl/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

Come on.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Okay, well, the Robin stuff was completely true.

/wɛl/ /stʌf/ /wɒz/ /kəmˈpliːtli/ /truː/

Damn it, Barney.

/ɪt/

I mean, for the last time,

/miːn/ /fɔːr/ /læst/ /taɪm/

you can't, you can't be in love with Robin

/juː/ /juː/ /biː/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet.

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈsliːpɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ɒn/ /ˈplænɪt/

You have to choose right now.

/juː/ /hæv/ /tʃuːz/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I choose bimbos.

/tʃuːz/

- What?! - Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy.

/wɒt/ /meɪk/ /miː/ /ˈhæp.i/

Bimbos make me feel alive.

/meɪk/ /miː/ /fiːl/ /əˈlaɪv/

Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man.

/meɪk/ /miː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /mæn/

This whole thing with Robin was just a fling,

/hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/

but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos.

/bʌt/ /ɛnd/ /deɪ/ /maɪ/ /hɑːrt/

No, no, this is just a defense mechanism

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ɪz/ /dʒʌst/

because you're afraid of getting hurt.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /əˈfreɪd/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /hɜːrt/

You're just confused.

/dʒʌst/ /kənˈfjuːzd/

Oh, I'm not confused, Lily.

/kənˈfjuːzd/

You know who is confused?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /ɪz/ /kənˈfjuːzd/

Bimbos.

They're easily confused.

/ˈiː.zɪ.li/ /kənˈfjuːzd/

It's one of the thousand little things

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /θɪŋz/

I love about them.

/lʌv/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðɛm/

I love their vacant, trusting stares;

/lʌv/ /ðɛr/

their sluggish, unencumbered minds;

/ðɛr/

their unresolved daddy issues.

/ðɛr/ /ˈdædi/

I love them, Lily, and they love me.

/lʌv/ /ðɛm/ /ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /lʌv/ /miː/

Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin.