Season 4 · Tập 14

I can't believe Metro News One is just forwarding you all this fan mail now.

/bɪˈliːv/ /njuːz/ /ɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /fæn/ /meɪl/ /naʊ/

I know. I quit like four months ago.

/noʊ/ /kwɪt/ /laɪk/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Wow, you had more fans than I thought.

/juː/ /hæd/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /θɔːt/

And only about 60% of them are prison inmates.

/ænd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðɛm/ /ˈprɪzən/

What are these guythinking?

/wɒt/ /ðiːz/

I am way past my "dating prisoners" phase.

/weɪ/ /pæst/ /maɪ/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

It's like, hello, I'm not 19 anymore.

/laɪk/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Uh, uh, Lottery Girl's on.

/ɒn/

I just feel sorry for these women.

/dʒʌst/ /fiːl/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /fɔːr/ /ðiːz/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

This is where broadcast careers go to die.

/ɪz/ /wɛr/ /ˈbrɔːdkɑːst/ /ɡoʊ/ /daɪ/

Check it out. I make it fun. I invented a little game.

/tʃɛk/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /fʌn/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɡeɪm/

Tonight's Lotto numbers are...

/ˈnʌmbərz/

nineteen...

Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court

/eɪdʒ/ /juː/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈæf.tər/ /juː/ /fuːd/ /kɔːt/

and said he'd get you in Vogue magazine.

/ænd/ /sɛd/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ˌmæɡəˈziːn/

fifty-three...

Number of semi-nude pictures he took you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine.

/ˈnʌmbər/ /ˈpɪktʃərz/ /hiː/ /tʊk/ /juː/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /noʊ/ /ˌmæɡəˈziːn/

twenty-two...

Age you claim you are.

/eɪdʒ/ /juː/ /juː/

thirty-one...

Age you actually are.

/eɪdʒ/ /juː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/

forty-five...

Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress, and into my Jacuzzi.

/ˈnʌmbər/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /teɪk/ /miː/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /kæb/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /drɛs/ /ænd/ /maɪ/

And tonight's Super Big Ball is...

/ænd/ /ˈsuːpər/ /bɪɡ/ /bɔːl/ /ɪz/

What happens after weet out of the Jacuzzi.

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənz/ /ˈæf.tər/ /aʊt/

What up?

/wɒt/ /ʌp/

Kids, by the winter of 2009, Robin had been unemployed for months.

/kɪdz/ /ˈwɪntər/ /hæd/ /ˌʌnɪmˈplɔɪd/ /fɔːr/

But there was a glimmer of hope.

/bʌt/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /hoʊp/

How'd the audition go?

/ɡoʊ/

Well, I went in there feeling really good.

/wɛl/ /wɛnt/ /ðɛr/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/

I heard it was just me up against two other girls.

/hɜːrd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /miː/ /ʌp/ /əˈɡɛnst/ /tuː/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ɡɜːrlz/

Listening.

/ˈlɪsənɪŋ/

Robin Scherbatsky. Robin Scherbatsky.

And you are?

/ænd/ /juː/

You've obviously never spent any time in Denver.

/ˈɒbviəsli/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɛn.i/ /taɪm/

Rochelle Harper, News Center 12. Rochelle Harper, News Center 12.

/njuːz/ /njuːz/

We were only the number-one station in the Rockies for five straight years.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈsteɪʃən/ /fɔːr/ /faɪv/ /streɪt/

I was an anchor here in town at Metro News One.

/wɒz/ /hɪr/ /taʊn/ /njuːz/

Ooh, an anchor.

You must have a killer signoff phrase.

/juː/ /mʌst/ /hæv/ /freɪz/

I'm sorry?

/ˈsɒr.i/

You gotta have a killer signoff phrase.

/juː/ /hæv/ /freɪz/

Like Walter Cronkite: "And that's the way it is."

/laɪk/ /ænd/ /weɪ/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

So what's yours?

/jɔːrz/

Well, I would just always end with a simple From all of us here at Metro News One, have a good evening.

/wɛl/ /wʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɛnd/ /wɪð/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /ɔːl/ /ʌs/ /hɪr/ /njuːz/ /hæv/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈiːvnɪŋ/

Mine is: "From all of us here at Barney's apartment, get out."

/maɪn/ /ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /ʌs/ /hɪr/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/

You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out, did you?

/juː/ /lɛt/ /ðoʊz/ /rɪˈpɔːtər/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /dɪd/ /juː/

and the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress

/ænd/ /ˌiːkəˈnɒmɪk/ /tiːm/ /ɪz/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /hæv/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

by the end of the month.

/ɛnd/ /mʌnθ/

From all of us here at News Ten, have a good evening.

/ɔːl/ /ʌs/ /hɪr/ /njuːz/ /tɛn/ /hæv/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈiːvnɪŋ/

So, good night, New York.

/ɡʊd/ /naɪt/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

And may the road ahead be lit with dreams and tomorrows.

/ænd/ /meɪ/ /roʊd/ /biː/ /wɪð/ /driːmz/ /ænd/

Which are lit with dreams... also.

/wɪtʃ/ /wɪð/ /driːmz/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/

That's terrible.

/ˈtɛrɪbl/

And bad... also.

/ænd/ /bæd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/

I wasn't done.

/dʌn/

Stand tall, New York.

/stænd/ /tɔːl/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Trustworthy. Recycling.

/ˌriːˈsaɪklɪŋ/

Wear a condom.

/wɛr/

Wear a condom?

/wɛr/

I'm not gonna be the new Channel Ten anchor, am I?

/biː/ /njuː/ /ˈtʃænəl/ /tɛn/

This just in. No.

/dʒʌst/ /noʊ/

Maybe the problem is your r\sum\.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/

See how mine is lean and mean?

/siː/ /haʊ/ /maɪn/ /ɪz/ /ænd/ /miːn/

Yours is too cluttered.

/jɔːrz/ /ɪz/

Oh, like everything on your r\sum\ is so relevant?

/laɪk/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /ɪz/

"Program Director,88. 1 Wesleyan University Radio?" "Program Director,88. 1 Wesleyan University Radio?"

/dɪˈrɛktər/ /ˌjuːnɪˈvɜːrsɪti/ /dɪˈrɛktər/ /ˌjuːnɪˈvɜːrsɪti/

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Dr. X? You're still bragging about Dr. X?

/əˈbaʊt/

Who was Dr. X?

/huː/ /wɒz/

Nobody knows.

/ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/

- He was this genius mystery D.J. - It was Ted.

/hiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈmɪstəri/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

His identity remains a secret to this day.

/hɪz/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/ /deɪ/

It was Ted.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/

But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.

/bʌt/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /feɪs/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

- It was Ted. - And your show sucked.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /ʃoʊ/

Dr. X here, shooting truth bullets at you from an undisclosed location.

/hɪr/ /truːθ/ /juː/

Because if they knew where I was, they'd shut me down.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /njuː/ /wɛr/ /wɒz/ /ʃʌt/ /miː/ /daʊn/

You're on the third floor of the Student Center next to the game room, you tool.

/ɒn/ /flɔːr/ /ˈstuː.dənt/ /nɛkst/ /ɡeɪm/ /ruːm/ /juː/

I've been getting a lot of letters about myegment on how racist the school's meal plan is.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /lɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɒn/ /haʊ/ /miːl/ /plæn/ /ɪz/

How are you getting letters if no one knows where you are, douche?

/haʊ/ /juː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ɪf/ /noʊ/ /wɛr/ /juː/

That's why I'm organizing a happening outside the dining hall, Monday at midnight.

/waɪ/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/ /ˈdaɪnɪŋ/ /hɔːl/

It's high time the Food Service puppet masters took ignorance and injustice off the menu.

/haɪ/ /taɪm/ /fuːd/ /ˈmæstərz/ /tʊk/ /ænd/ /ɒf/ /ˈmɛnjuː/

Hey, Ted, we need a fourth for foosball.

/wiː/ /niːd/ /fɔːr/

What are you doing in here, anyway?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

Dude, get out of here! I'll be there in a second.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /biː/ /ðɛr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

So remember,dining hall, Monday, midnight.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ˈdaɪnɪŋ/ /hɔːl/

Another Dr. X happening.

/əˈnʌðər/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/

I'll be there, because X marks the spot-ot-ot-ot-ot...

/biː/ /ðɛr/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

If you think people liked your show, they did not-ot-ot-ot...

/ɪf/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /jʊr/ /ʃoʊ/ /ðeɪ/ /dɪd/

This is weird. Look what got mixed in with your fan mail.

/ɪz/ /lʊk/ /wɒt/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /fæn/ /meɪl/

What?

/wɒt/

It's from the U.S.Department of Immigration.

/dɪˈpɑːrtmənt/

It's postmarked two months ago.

/tuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Oh, boy.

/bɔɪ/

What iit?

/wɒt/

It's about my work visa.

/əˈbaʊt/ /maɪ/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈviːzə/

Unless I can find a job in the next...

/ənˈlɛs/ /kæn/ /faɪnd/ /dʒɒb/ /nɛkst/

seven days, they're gonna send me back to Canada.

/ˈsɛvən/ /sɛnd/ /miː/ /bæk/ /ˈkænədə/

u might be kicked out of the country.

/maɪt/ /biː/ /aʊt/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

I know. My whole life is here.

/noʊ/ /maɪ/ /hoʊl/ /laɪf/ /ɪz/ /hɪr/

No. We won't let this happen.

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /lɛt/ /ˈhæpən/

I mean, one of us will help you find a job.

/miːn/ /ʌs/ /wɪl/ /hɛlp/ /juː/ /faɪnd/ /dʒɒb/

Yeah, I bet I can get you something at my school.

/bɛt/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /skuːl/

No, guys... It doesn't work that way.

/noʊ/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪt/ /wɜːrk/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/

Robin only gets her work visa if she gets a job in her field.

/ˈoʊnli/ /ɡɛts/ /hɜːr/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈviːzə/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /ɡɛts/ /dʒɒb/ /hɜːr/ /fiːld/

I mean, you know what, I guess you could stay if you married a U.S.citizen.

/miːn/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɡɛs/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /steɪ/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈsɪtɪzən/

Yeah, that could work.

/ðæt/ /kʊd/ /wɜːrk/

Oh, no, no. They could never process that and make it official in time. That won't work.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ðeɪ/ /kʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈprɒsɛs/ /ðæt/ /ænd/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /əˈfɪʃəl/ /taɪm/ /ðæt/ /wɜːrk/

I'm screwed. I've been sending out my reel for three months, and nothing.

/aʊt/ /maɪ/ /fɔːr/ /θriː/ /ænd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

Well, maybe there's something in your reel that people aren't responding to.

/wɛl/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ðæt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

Let's take a look at it, right?

/teɪk/ /lʊk/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/

********

{\a6}********** {\a6}**********

That's a good question, Norm.

/ɡʊd/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

Okay, the first thing is from when I was a cub reporter for Channel 22 in Red Deer.

/fɜːrst/ /θɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /wɛn/ /wɒz/ /rɪˈpɔːtər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈtʃænəl/ /rɛd/

In Alberta. In Canada.

/ˈkænədə/

- Oh, right. - Oh, Canada.

/raɪt/ /ˈkænədə/

Well, the snow's coming down pretty hard,

/wɛl/ /daʊn/ /ˈprɪti/ /hɑːrd/

but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to be out competing

/bʌt/ /ðiːz/ /ˈhæp.i/ /biː/ /aʊt/

in Lake Athabasca's Bass Fishing Jamboree, an August 1st tradition.

/leɪk/ /beɪs/ /ˈfɪʃɪŋ/ /trəˈdɪʃən/

Back to you, Norm.

/bæk/ /juː/

What? That was my first job.

/wɒt/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /dʒɒb/

It shows where I came from.

/ɪt/ /ʃoʊz/ /wɛr/

Unless a bear attacks you in the next three seconds and you snap its neck with your legs,

/ənˈlɛs/ /bɛr/ /juː/ /nɛkst/ /θriː/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ɪts/ /nɛk/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /lɛɡz/

that has no business being on your reel.

/ðæt/ /hæz/ /noʊ/ /ˈbɪznɪs/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

No, no, I get it, I get it.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Where you're from is part of who you're selling.

/wɛr/ /ɪz/ /pɑːrt/ /huː/

For instance, under "special skills" on my r\sum\,

/fɔːr/ /ˈʌndər/ /ˈspɛʃəl/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/

I mention that back in Minnesota,

/ˈmɛnʃən/ /ðæt/ /bæk/

I was the 1995 Nicollet County Slam Dunk Champion.

/wɒz/

You put dunk champion on your r\sum\?

/juː/ /pʊt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

Yeah, why wouldn't you?

/waɪ/ /juː/

A lot of companies have basketball teams.

/lɒt/ /hæv/ /ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/

It's good for them to know that Vanilla Thunder can still take the rock to the hole.

/ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /ðɛm/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /kæn/ /teɪk/

They called you Vanilla Thunder?

/ðeɪ/ /juː/

Yeah, Vanilla Thunder.

The Ghost in the Post. The Human Turnstile.

/ɡoʊst/ /poʊst/ /ˈhjuːmən/

I didn't... I didn't play that much D.

/pleɪ/ /ðæt/ /mʌtʃ/

You can't still dunk.

/juː/

Of course I can.

/kɔːrs/ /kæn/

Well, I mean I could... until... until recently.

/wɛl/ /miːn/ /kʊd/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ˈriːsəntli/

Until the injury.

/ənˈtɪl/ /ˈɪndʒəri/

It's called iliopsoas tendonitis.

Oh, Yikes. That sounds bad.

/ðæt/ /bæd/

It's more commonly known as dancer's hip.

/mɔːr/

Dr. Goodman...

Oh, come on! Iliopsoas tendonitis.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

That's what it's called. That's all it's called.

/wɒt/ /ɔːl/

Iliopsoas tendonitis.

It's a basketball injury. You know, it's no big whoop.

/ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/ /ˈɪndʒəri/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /bɪɡ/

Dancer's hip, Marshall has something called dancer's hip.

/hæz/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Okay, no, no, okay.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

They only call it that, look, because it's very common with ballet dancers.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /kɔːl/ /ɪt/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈkɒmən/ /wɪð/

So, tell me, do any of the other little girls in your class have dancer's hip?

/tɛl/ /miː/ /duː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /jʊr/ /klæs/ /hæv/

Yeah, sure.

/ʃʊr/

- I have more of a technical question. - Yes?

/hæv/ /mɔːr/ /ˈtɛknɪkl/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

Is it easier to dance when you don't have external genitalia?

/ɪz/ /ɪt/ /dæns/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /hæv/

Good, don't build to that-- just go right for it.

/ɡʊd/ /bɪld/ /ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/ /raɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Guys, come on. Marshall didn't get this injury from dancing.

/ɡaɪz/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɪndʒəri/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/

Thank you, Lily.

/juː/

Clearly, the stirrups were set a little too wide during his last trip to the gyno.

/ˈklɪərli/ /wɜːr/ /sɛt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /waɪd/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /hɪz/ /læst/ /trɪp/

Guys, I hate to cut you off before Marshall bursts into tears,

/ɡaɪz/ /heɪt/ /kʌt/ /juː/ /ɒf/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

but, Robin, check this out. What you need is an awesome video r\sum\.

/bʌt/ /tʃɛk/ /aʊt/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /niːd/ /ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

Like mine.

/laɪk/ /maɪn/

I present: Barneysvideoresume.com.

/ˈprɛz.ənt/ /kɒm/

Oh, hello.

Barney Stinson, you've achieved great success in business,

/ɡreɪt/ /ˈbɪznɪs/

athletics and personal relationships and have been an inspiration to many people.

/ænd/ /ˈpɜːrsənl/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪps/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

Is that you?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /juː/

Are you interviewing yourself?

/juː/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

How can it be me? That guy's British.

/haʊ/ /kæn/ /ɪt/ /biː/ /miː/ /ðæt/

What would you recommend to yr numerous admirers who want to reach their highest potential?

/wɒt/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /huː/ /wɒnt/ /riːtʃ/ /ðɛr/

And a wee bit Scottish.

/ænd/

The first thing you need to know about success is that it doesn't just come to you.

/fɜːrst/ /θɪŋ/ /juː/ /niːd/ /noʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /kʌm/ /juː/

Most people associate success with money and power, but really it's a state of mind.

/moʊst/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɪð/ /ˈmʌn.i/ /ænd/ /ˈpaʊər/ /bʌt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /maɪnd/

You had to be on a motorcycle to say that?

/juː/ /hæd/ /biː/ /ɒn/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/

And when it comes to success the only limit is that there are no limits.

/ænd/ /wɛn/ /ɪt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ðɛr/ /noʊ/

Hey, I didn't know you knew how to stand near a horse; that's impressive.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /njuː/ /haʊ/ /stænd/ /nɪər/ /hɔːrs/

Barney, I don't get it. You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /duː/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ðiːz/

Exactly. Because that's who corporate American wants--

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /huː/

people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /huː/ /siːm/ /laɪk/ /rɪsk/ /bʌt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /duː/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Actually doing things gets you fired.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /θɪŋz/ /ɡɛts/ /juː/ /faɪərd/

In fact, I'm wting a book on this very phenomenon.

/fækt/ /bʊk/ /ɒn/ /ˈvɛr.i/

Really, you're writing a book?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈraɪtɪŋ/ /bʊk/

No, that would be doing some... Are you even listening?

/noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /sʌm/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /ˈlɪsənɪŋ/

All my life, I have dared to go past what is possible.

/ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /pæst/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

To the impossible?

/ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/

Actually, past that-- to the place where the possible

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /pæst/ /ðæt/ /pleɪs/ /wɛr/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

and the impossible meet to become...

/ænd/ /ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/ /miːt/ /bɪˈkʌm/

the possimpible.

The possimpible? Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision...

/jʊr/ /oʊn/ /wɜːrd/ /ʃoʊz/ /ænd/

Vizha-tivity.

If I can leave you with one thought, it's this:

/ɪf/ /kæn/ /liːv/ /juː/ /wɪð/ /θɔːt/

Nothing-- and everything-- is possimpible.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ɪz/

Barney Stinson, Barney Stinson Barney Stinson, Barney Stinson

That guy's awesome

/ðæt/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Is that you agai...

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /juː/

Are you singing a song about yourself?

/juː/ /sɒŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Absolutely not. That would be lame.

/ˈæbsəluːtli/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

Stinson, Barney Stinson singing this song

/sɒŋ/

That would be really lame

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

One of the many admirers who think that guy's awesome

/ˈmɛn.i/ /huː/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Perfect and available

/ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /ænd/

Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome...

/ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Awesome, awesome Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome...

/ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɔːsəm/

HIRED

/haɪərd/

That baby got me 11 job offers.

/ðæt/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /miː/ /dʒɒb/

No. No way.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /weɪ/

Barney, that was ridiculous and insane.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ænd/ /ɪnˈseɪn/

Insane-ulous.

- Make me one. - What?

/meɪk/ /miː/ /wɒt/

- Yes, now you're talking. - What?

/naʊ/ /wɒt/

I'm about to be deported. I'll try anything.

/əˈbaʊt/ /biː/ /traɪ/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Okay, we better get started.

/wiː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ɡɛt/

There's a lot to shoot, and I don't think I can use any of the footage I already have of you.

/lɒt/ /ʃuːt/ /ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /kæn/ /juːz/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæv/ /juː/

What footage do you already have of me?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæv/ /miː/

Let's just get started.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡɛt/

Oh, sweetie.

/ˈswiːti/

Are yostill upset about the dancer's hip jokes?

/ʌpˈsɛt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /dʒoʊks/

No.

/noʊ/

We were just kidding. We all know it's a basketball injury.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /noʊ/ /ˈbæskɪtbɔːl/ /ˈɪndʒəri/

Yeah, totally.

/ˈtoʊtəli/

Lily, I have something I need to tell you.

/hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /niːd/ /tɛl/ /juː/

What is it?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

I dance more than you know.

/dæns/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /juː/ /noʊ/

What? Sao?

/wɒt/

I dance...

/dæns/

more than you know.

/mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /juː/ /noʊ/

I don't know how to respond to that.

/noʊ/ /haʊ/ /ðæt/

So, Robin, what does being a reporter mean to you?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /rɪˈpɔːtər/ /miːn/ /juː/

- Well, ever since I was a little kid, I always... - Cut!

/wɛl/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /sɪns/ /wɒz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /kɪd/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /kʌt/

Robin, you're getting bogged down in specifics.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /daʊn/

I need you to just say vague, confident-sounding buzzwords,

/niːd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /seɪ/

like "synergy" and "dynamism."

/laɪk/ /ænd/

You can make up a word, like... "linkativity."

/juː/ /kæn/ /meɪk/ /ʌp/ /wɜːrd/ /laɪk/

How will sounding like an idiot get me hired anywhere?

/haʊ/ /wɪl/ /laɪk/ /ˈɪdiət/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/ /haɪərd/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/

Okay, fine. Don't do it.

/faɪn/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Anyway, I'm sure there are plenty of exciting stories to cover back in Canada.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ʃʊr/ /ðɛr/ /ˈplɛnti/ /ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /ˈkʌvər/ /bæk/ /ˈkænədə/

I just read that the mayor of Winnipeg's nephew went ice fishing and caught himself a 16-pound walleye.

/dʒʌst/ /riːd/ /ðæt/ /ˈnɛfjuː/ /wɛnt/ /aɪs/ /ˈfɪʃɪŋ/ /ænd/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/

Reporting live from the worst place in the world, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

/lɪv/ /wɜːrst/ /pleɪs/ /wɜːrld/

Okay, fine. Roll camera.

/faɪn/ /roʊl/ /ˈkæmərə/

Connectitude.

Love it.

/lʌv/ /ɪt/

Transformatation.

Earn it!

/ɜːrn/ /ɪt/

Linkativity.

Yeah, linkativity's mine.

/maɪn/

So, how much dancing are we talking about?

/haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/ /wiː/ /əˈbaʊt/

I don't... I guess I'd say... medium.

/ɡɛs/ /seɪ/

Why are you dancing so much, and why don't I know about it?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ænd/ /waɪ/ /noʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

It's-It's something I do when I'm alone.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /duː/ /wɛn/ /əˈloʊn/

You know, like if something good happens, I get excited and I need to move, and I just...

/juː/ /noʊ/ /laɪk/ /ɪf/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈhæpənz/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/ /ænd/ /niːd/ /muːv/ /ænd/ /dʒʌst/

I don't know. I don't want to even talk about this anymore.

/noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /ˈiːvən/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

So that's how you injured your hip?

/haʊ/ /juː/ /jʊr/

Hey, did you hear? They're giving us a half day today. We can leave at 2:00.

/dɪd/ /juː/ /hɪr/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /ʌs/ /hæf/ /deɪ/ /təˈdeɪ/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /liːv/

Great! Thanks, Herm.

/ɡreɪt/

Barney, these costumes are ridiculous.

/ðiːz/

Plus, the Amazon Warrior Princess armor gave me a rash.

/plʌs/ /ɡeɪv/ /miː/

Cards on the table-- you weren't the first lady to wear that in here.

/kɑːrdz/ /ɒn/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /juː/ /fɜːrst/ /ˈleɪdi/ /wɛr/ /ðæt/ /hɪr/

But it conveyed power. And so will this. What I need you to do now...

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /ˈpaʊər/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /wɒt/ /niːd/ /juː/ /duː/ /naʊ/

is break these 15 bricks with your forehead.

/ɪz/ /breɪk/ /ðiːz/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/

What? But you didn't do a damn thing in your video.

/wɒt/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /duː/ /θɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/

You just stood near a horse and sat on a motorcycle.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /nɪər/ /hɔːrs/ /ænd/ /sæt/ /ɒn/

That's because I'm a man. You're a woman.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /mæn/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

The assumption is that you can't do anything.

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /duː/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

But you have to prove society wrong.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /hæv/ /pruːv/ /rɒŋ/

I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead.

/breɪk/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/

Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can.

/ˌɛniˈmɔːr/ /juː/ /kæn/

I'm out of here.

/aʊt/ /hɪr/

What? Why?

/wɒt/ /waɪ/

None of this is going to help me get a job.

/nʌn/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hɛlp/ /miː/ /ɡɛt/ /dʒɒb/

I'm about to get kicked out of the country.

/əˈbaʊt/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

I know what I have to do.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /hæv/ /duː/

Is this where the Lottery Girl auditions are?

/ɪz/ /wɛr/ /ɡɜːrl/

Yeah, right here.

/raɪt/ /hɪr/

So, your Aunt Robin had reached her low point.

/jʊr/ /ænt/ /hæd/ /hɜːr/ /loʊ/ /pɔɪnt/

She was auditioning to be the Lottery Girl.

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /biː/ /ɡɜːrl/

- And tonight's Lotto numbers are... - Hold it.

/ænd/ /ˈnʌmbərz/ /hoʊld/ /ɪt/

Say the line before you press the button.

/seɪ/ /laɪn/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /prɛs/

- It builds the suspense. - It builds the suspense.

/ɪt/ /ɪt/

Okay.

And tonight's Lotto numbers are...

/ænd/ /ˈnʌmbərz/

- seventeen... - Stop her.

/stɒp/ /hɜːr/

Hold it.

/hoʊld/ /ɪt/

Why did she say it like that?

/waɪ/ /dɪd/ /ʃiː/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

It's like she's not even happy about the 17 coming up.

/laɪk/ /ˈiːvən/ /ˈhæp.i/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʌp/

She seems mean.

/ʃiː/ /miːn/

Yeah, she seems super-mean.

/ʃiː/

Can you take another run at "17" for us?

/kæn/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /əˈnʌðər/ /rʌn/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

Seventeen.

Okay, I don't even understand what she's doing.

/ˈiːvən/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /wɒt/

Let me try something.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /traɪ/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Try being a little more wry.

/traɪ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /mɔːr/

Wry? About the number 17?

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈnʌmbər/

- Wry, with a little bit of a... - Twinkle.

/wɪð/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

twinkle.

Seventeen.

That was great!

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡreɪt/

Hey, Marsh, I got you a light beer.

/juː/ /laɪt/ /bɪər/

I know how you dancers are always counting calories.

/noʊ/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

It's not funny, all right?

/ˈfʌn.i/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

The doctor says if it gets any worse, I might need surgery.

/ˈdɒktər/ /ɪf/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛts/ /ˈɛn.i/ /wɜːrs/ /maɪt/ /niːd/ /ˈsɜːrdʒəri/

Vaginal rejuvenation surgery?

/ˈsɜːrdʒəri/

You know who didn't do a lot of operating on vaginas in college?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /duː/ /lɒt/ /ɒn/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

- Who? - Dr. X.

/huː/

He did just fine!

/hiː/ /dɪd/ /dʒʌst/ /faɪn/

You know what? Both of you geniuses need to take that weak-ass crap off your r\sum\s.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /boʊθ/ /juː/ /niːd/ /teɪk/ /ðæt/ /ɒf/ /jʊr/

I mean, you are not Dr. X anymore, and you cannot dunk anymore.

/miːn/ /juː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Let it go.

/lɛt/ /ɪt/ /ɡoʊ/

So Marshall and I are the only people at this table with "weak-ass crap" on their r\sum\s?

/ænd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /wɪð/ /ɒn/ /ðɛr/

What are you implying?

/wɒt/ /juː/

I don't know!

/noʊ/

Does the date July 4, 1995 mean anything to you?

/dʌz/ /deɪt/ /miːn/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /juː/

You son of a bitch.

/juː/ /sʌn/

Time! And the new champion, with 29 hot dogs, Lily "The Belly" Aldrin.

/taɪm/ /ænd/ /njuː/ /wɪð/ /hɒt/ /dɒɡz/

How is that relevant to teaching kindergarten?

/haʊ/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/ /ˈkɪndərɡɑːrtən/

It teaches kids that...

/ɪt/ /kɪdz/ /ðæt/

I can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly.

/kæn/ /iːt/ /lɒt/ /hɒt/ /dɒɡz/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈkwɪk.li/

Yeah, but you can't do it anymore!

/bʌt/ /juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

You can't dunk anymore, Ladyhips!

/juː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

How dare you! These hips can...

/haʊ/ /juː/ /ðiːz/ /kæn/

Guys, guys!

/ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/

I didn't even get the Lotto Girl gig.

/ˈiːvən/ /ɡɛt/ /ɡɜːrl/

I have to move back to Canada.

/hæv/ /muːv/ /bæk/ /ˈkænədə/

I can't believe this.

/bɪˈliːv/

I remember the night before I moved down here.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /naɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /daʊn/ /hɪr/

They threw a going-away party for me.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

They gave me a camera so I could take pictures and send them home.

/ðeɪ/ /ɡeɪv/ /miː/ /ˈkæmərə/ /kʊd/ /teɪk/ /ˈpɪktʃərz/ /ænd/ /sɛnd/ /ðɛm/ /hoʊm/

And everyone was so sure I was gonna be such a big success.

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɒz/ /ʃʊr/ /wɒz/ /biː/ /sʌtʃ/ /bɪɡ/

I'm really gonna miss you guys.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /mɪs/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

What happened?

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

Robin has to move back to Canada.

/hæz/ /muːv/ /bæk/ /ˈkænədə/

Oh, my God. How awful.

/maɪ/ /haʊ/

I mean, for one thing it's gonna be a really long commute.

/miːn/ /fɔːr/ /θɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /lɔːŋ/

What do you mean?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/

I finished your video r\sum\ on my own.

/ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /jʊr/ /ˈvɪdiˌoʊ/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

Messengered it to every station in the city.

/ɪt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈsteɪʃən/ /ˈsɪt.i/

A guy from Channel Eight called.

/ɡaɪ/ /ˈtʃænəl/ /eɪt/

He loved you.

/hiː/ /lʌvd/ /juː/

He wanted you to come in and audition.

/hiː/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /ænd/

Oh, my God!

/maɪ/

I told him no. Robin Scherbatsky doesn't audition.

/toʊld/ /hɪm/ /noʊ/

He gives you the job or nothing.

/hiː/ /ɡɪvz/ /juː/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/

So I got the job?

/dʒɒb/

No. He cursed me out and hung up.

/noʊ/ /hiː/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /ænd/ /ʌp/

But then Channel 12 called. They also loved you.

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ˈtʃænəl/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /lʌvd/ /juː/

They offered you a job hosting their new morning talk show.

/ðeɪ/ /juː/ /dʒɒb/ /ðɛr/ /njuː/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /tɔːk/ /ʃoʊ/

Barney, that's amazing!

/əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

- I told them to shove it. - Dude!

/toʊld/ /ðɛm/ /ɪt/

Which only made them want you more.

/wɪtʃ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ðɛm/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /mɔːr/

So, they jacked up their offer by ten percent.

/ðeɪ/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɒfər/ /tɛn/ /pərˈsɛnt/

Congratulations, Miss Scherbatsky.

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /mɪs/

It looks like you're gonna have to stay.

/ɪt/ /laɪk/ /hæv/ /steɪ/

You're not about to dance, are you?

/əˈbaʊt/ /dæns/ /juː/

Oh, no, I'm good. I'll do it later.

/noʊ/ /ɡʊd/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /ˈleɪtər/

How did you pull this off?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /pʊl/ /ɒf/

I am the master of the possimpible.

/ˈmæstər/

You really are. Thank you.

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /juː/

So, thanks to your Uncle Barney, we got to keep your Aunt Robin.

/jʊr/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /wiː/ /kiːp/ /jʊr/ /ænt/

And the rest of us decided it was time to let some things go.

/ænd/ /rɛst/ /ʌs/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /taɪm/ /lɛt/ /sʌm/ /θɪŋz/ /ɡoʊ/

Well, except for Lily.

/wɛl/ /ɪkˈsɛpt/ /fɔːr/

And... time!

/ænd/ /taɪm/

What's the count?

/kaʊnt/

Thirty-three!

Why is no one coming to my Happenings?

/waɪ/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /maɪ/