Season 4 · Tập 18

In the spring of 2009, I've been hired to design

/sprɪŋ/ /haɪərd/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank.

/njuː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈnæʃənl/ /bæŋk/

And I was eager to add as much of my voice

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /ˈiːɡər/ /æd/ /mʌtʃ/ /maɪ/ /vɔɪs/

as an architect into the plans as possible.

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

Woodbeams bathed in natural light in the atrium.

/ˈnætʃ.ər.əl/ /laɪt/

They're gonna love it!

/lʌv/ /ɪt/

There was only one problem

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈprɒbləm/

and his name was Bilson.

/ænd/ /hɪz/ /neɪm/ /wɒz/

Wood?

Natural light?

/ˈnætʃ.ər.əl/ /laɪt/

Natural light reminds the workers that there's an outside world

/ˈnætʃ.ər.əl/ /laɪt/ /ðæt/ /ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/ /wɜːrld/

where they had family and friends.

/wɛr/ /ðeɪ/ /hæd/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ænd/ /frɛndz/

We want to crush that!

/wiː/ /wɒnt/ /ðæt/

You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark.

/juː/ /ʃoʊ/ /ʌp/ /dɑːrk/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/ /dɑːrk/

You spend your whole damn day in the dark!

/juː/ /spɛnd/ /jʊr/ /hoʊl/ /deɪ/ /dɑːrk/

I need to hear Lily's voice.

/niːd/ /hɪr/ /vɔɪs/

Who said you could leave?

/huː/ /sɛd/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /liːv/

Bilson was killing every original idea I had.

/wɒz/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /hæd/

Then, one day GNB took him off the project

/ðɛn/ /deɪ/ /tʊk/ /hɪm/ /ɒf/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

and created a new task force to oversee my designs.

/ænd/ /njuː/ /tæsk/ /fɔːrs/ /maɪ/

Suddenly, everything changed.

/ˈsʌd.ən.li/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /tʃeɪndʒd/

We'll have a rooftop zen garden for quiet contemplation.

/hæv/ /ˈɡɑːr.dən/ /fɔːr/ /ˈkwaɪɪt/

We'll have a reflecting pool in the lobby where...

/hæv/ /ˈlɒbi/ /wɛr/

local children can come to make wishes.

/ˈloʊkl/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/ /kæn/ /kʌm/ /meɪk/

The New GNB, a place of work.

/njuː/ /pleɪs/ /wɜːrk/

That you can call "home".

/ðæt/ /juː/ /kæn/ /kɔːl/ /hoʊm/

Thank you, and...

/juː/ /ænd/

welcome home.

/ˈwɛlkəm/ /hoʊm/

Everything was going great,

/ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡreɪt/

until one day, in the elevator.

/ənˈtɪl/ /deɪ/

Yeah, it's Ted.

No, no. I did not approve that change

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /dɪd/ /ðæt/ /tʃeɪndʒ/

for the blueprints for the new GNB headquarters

/fɔːr/ /fɔːr/ /njuː/

for which I'm the head architect, at only 30 years old.

/fɔːr/ /wɪtʃ/ /hɛd/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /oʊld/

Yes, I'm single, and I give to charity.

/ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ænd/ /ɡɪv/

What does that have to do with anything?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /hæv/ /duː/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

All right, goodbye, Mr. Mayor.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

You know that was a fake phone call?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /feɪk/ /foʊn/ /kɔːl/

Yes, and I also know

/ænd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /noʊ/

that the new GNB headquarters project was scrapped last month.

/ðæt/ /njuː/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /wɒz/ /læst/ /mʌnθ/

Nice try.

/naɪs/ /traɪ/

Synchro: ShalimarFox, Arrow

If I could nail any celebrity it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson.

/ɪf/ /kʊd/ /neɪl/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /biː/

Hot, talented, and nobody does that many Woody Allen movies

/hɒt/ /ˈtæləntɪd/ /ænd/ /ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /ˈmɛn.i/

without serious daddy issues.

/wɪˈðaʊt/ /ˈsɪəriəs/ /ˈdædi/

If I could nail any celebrity, it would be Lily.

/ɪf/ /kʊd/ /neɪl/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

She's the star of my heart.

/stɑːr/ /maɪ/ /hɑːrt/

For me, it would be Hugh Jackman.

/fɔːr/ /miː/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

You know, I don't know, celebrities,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

they're into some really weird sex stuff. Trust me.

/sʌm/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /sɛks/ /stʌf/ /trʌst/ /miː/

How would you know that?

/haʊ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

This is embarassing, but I...

/ɪz/ /bʌt/

I went home with a celebrity one night.

/wɛnt/ /hoʊm/ /wɪð/ /naɪt/

Oh my God! Seriously?

/maɪ/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/

Yeah, he wanted to do this really freaky thing with me,

/hiː/ /duː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

so I left. That's it. End of story.

/lɛft/ /ɪt/ /ɛnd/ /ˈstɔːri/

No, no, not end of story

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ɛnd/ /ˈstɔːri/

I need to know who, what, when, and in where. Spill it!

/niːd/ /noʊ/ /huː/ /wɒt/ /wɛn/ /ænd/ /wɛr/ /ɪt/

Lily, please settle down. You're swallowing to much air.

/pliːz/ /ˈsɛtl/ /daʊn/ /mʌtʃ/ /ɛr/

But before you go any further,

/bʌt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈɛn.i/

I'm flattered, but technically, I'm not a celebrity.

/bʌt/

Plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke.

/plʌs/ /fɔːr/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /pʊt/ /ɒn/ /dʒoʊk/

OK, not you Barney.

/juː/

OK, who is it?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

Now you give Lily the hiccups.

/naʊ/ /juː/ /ɡɪv/

OK, I won't tell you anything specific.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /spɪˈsɪfɪk/

But all I'll say is he is Canadian born, but you definitely know this guy.

/bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /seɪ/ /ɪz/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /bɔːrn/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /noʊ/ /ɡaɪ/

And he got me back to his place

/ænd/ /hiː/ /miː/ /bæk/ /hɪz/ /pleɪs/

by offering to show me a very unique collection.

/ʃoʊ/ /miː/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /juːˈniːk/ /kəˈlekʃən/

What do you mean collection?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /miːn/ /kəˈlekʃən/

You know some people collect like stamps or coins,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /sʌm/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /kəˈlɛkt/ /laɪk/

it's like that. But I'm not telling.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/ /bʌt/

At least tell us the weird thing he wanted to do.

/liːst/ /tɛl/ /ʌs/ /θɪŋ/ /hiː/ /duː/

I don't know what you call it here,

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

but we have a name for it in Canada.

/bʌt/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /neɪm/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /ˈkænədə/

Look, I've already said too much.

/lʊk/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /sɛd/ /mʌtʃ/

So, mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item

/ˈmɪstəri/ /huː/ /ˈmɪstəri/ /ˈaɪtəm/

asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act.

/juː/ /duː/ /ˈmɪstəri/ /sɛks/ /ækt/

- Yes. - Tell us!

/tɛl/ /ʌs/

OK, I'll tell you.

/tɛl/ /juː/

But only if you guess all three parts correctly.

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ɡɛs/ /ɔːl/ /θriː/

- That's just impossible. - Exactly.

/dʒʌst/ /ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/

I don't even know any Canadian sex acts.

/ˈiːvən/ /noʊ/ /ˈɛn.i/ /sɛks/

You got your "Sloppy Dog Sled",

/juː/ /jʊr/ /dɔːɡ/

your "Alberta Fur Trapper", your "Full Mounty".

/jʊr/ /jʊr/ /fʊl/

How do you know all these?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

Canadiansexacts.org, it's bookmarked on the top right.

/ɒn/ /tɒp/ /raɪt/

- Dot org? - Yeah. It's not for profit.

/fɔːr/

They really just wanna get the information out there.

/ðeɪ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɛt/ /ˌɪn.fərˈmeɪ.ʃən/ /aʊt/ /ðɛr/

So I just had the weirdest conversation.

/dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /ˌkɒn.vərˈseɪ.ʃən/

This woman at GNB told me

/ˈwʊm.ən/ /toʊld/ /miː/

that the new bank building was scrapped last month.

/ðæt/ /njuː/ /bæŋk/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /læst/ /mʌnθ/

It's crazy, right?

/ˈkreɪzi/ /raɪt/

Wait, what's that look?

/weɪt/ /ðæt/ /lʊk/

- Should we tell him? - Not me.

/ʃʊd/ /wiː/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /miː/

- We should. - No.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /noʊ/

There was no look.

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /noʊ/ /lʊk/

Guys! What the hell?

/ɡaɪz/ /wɒt/

It's time that you know the truth.

/taɪm/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /truːθ/

A few weeks ago, Bilson called us into his office.

/fjuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /ʌs/ /hɪz/ /ˈɒfɪs/

We're scrapping the plan for the new GNB headquarters.

/plæn/ /fɔːr/ /njuː/

This recession is killing us.

/ɪz/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /ʌs/

We're cutting anything non-essential.

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

And I have a lot of tough choices to make at the

/ænd/ /hæv/ /lɒt/ /meɪk/

bi-quarterly retreat in St. Croix.

Man, Ted is gonna be devastated.

/mæn/ /ɪz/ /biː/

Not when he hears it coming from his best friend.

/wɛn/ /hiː/ /ɪt/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

- I have to tell him? - I have to tell him?

/hæv/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/ /hæv/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/

Tell him, you're his best friend.

/tɛl/ /hɪm/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

I'm not, you're his best friend.

/hɪz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

I'm not, you're his best friend.

/hɪz/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

Quiet, here he comes.

/ˈkwaɪɪt/ /hɪr/ /hiː/

The white dude or the Asian fellow? See, I barely know the guy.

/siː/ /noʊ/ /ɡaɪ/

- Ted, what's up? - How're you doing?

/ʌp/ /juː/

I'm frustrated.

Anything innovative I put in my designs,

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ˈɪnəveɪtɪv/ /pʊt/ /maɪ/

Bilson just hacks out with a machette.

/dʒʌst/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/

I hate having to answer to a guy like that.

/heɪt/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɡaɪ/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

You should drop the project.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /drɒp/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

You should totally drop the project.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /drɒp/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

- It's beneath you. - Then it's settled.

/juː/ /ðɛn/

Ted Mosby's new chapter! May the wind be at your back...

/njuː/ /meɪ/ /wɪnd/ /biː/ /jʊr/ /bæk/

Are you kidding? They just laid off another architect at my firm.

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /ðeɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /ɒf/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /maɪ/

I mean, Bilson is a pain sure, but...

/miːn/ /ɪz/ /peɪn/ /ʃʊr/ /bʌt/

without this project, I'm probably out of a job.

/wɪˈðaʊt/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /aʊt/ /dʒɒb/

Right... it's funny that you mentioned the project.

/raɪt/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

- Because... - You're nailing it.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪt/

Keep up the good work buddy.

/kiːp/ /ʌp/ /ɡʊd/ /wɜːrk/ /ˈbʌdi/

Your hair and teeth look fantastic today,

/jʊr/ /hɛr/ /ænd/ /tiːθ/ /lʊk/ /təˈdeɪ/

you're shining like a diamond!

/laɪk/

Thank you. I needed that.

/juː/ /ðæt/

I'm gonna head upstairs and keep working.

/hɛd/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /ænd/ /kiːp/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/

I got to find a way to introduce some wood into Bilson's dark atrium.

/faɪnd/ /weɪ/ /ˌɪntrəˈdjuːs/ /sʌm/ /dɑːrk/

I think you know what I meant.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

- What was that? - What?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /wɒt/

I have a thought. OK, we're paying

/hæv/ /θɔːt/

Ted's firm for two more months

/fɔːr/ /tuː/ /mɔːr/

of design work no matter what, so couldn't we just let him

/dɪˈzaɪn/ /wɜːrk/ /noʊ/ /ˈmætər/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /hɪm/

keep working and not tell him?

/kiːp/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /hɪm/

He's had a rough year. Let's let the guy be happy a little while longer.

/hæd/ /rʌf/ /jɪr/ /lɛt/ /ɡaɪ/ /biː/ /ˈhæp.i/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /waɪl/ /ˈlɒŋɡər/

What you're suggesting is an elaborate, long-term lie

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /laɪ/

that requires tremendous commitment.

/ðæt/

A nice guy like you can't pull that off.

/naɪs/ /ɡaɪ/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /pʊl/ /ðæt/ /ɒf/

- Sure I can. - Lie to me right now.

/ʃʊr/ /kæn/ /laɪ/ /miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I have a spaceship.

/hæv/

What kind of fuel powers it?

/wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈfjuːəl/ /ɪt/

Okay, I don't have a spaceship.

/hæv/

Stand your ground! If someone questions you,

/stænd/ /jʊr/ /ɡraʊnd/ /ɪf/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈkwɛstʃənz/ /juː/

distract them from the original lie with more lies.

/ðɛm/ /əˈrɪdʒɪnəl/ /laɪ/ /wɪð/ /mɔːr/

Here, let me demonstrate. I own a pony.

/hɪr/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /oʊn/

Ask me a question.

/æsk/ /miː/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

What color is your pony?

/wɒt/ /ˈkʌlər/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/

Well, when I first got Dandelion,

/wɛl/ /wɛn/ /fɜːrst/

she was a deep, chestnut brown,

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /diːp/

but, sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant,

/bʌt/ /hɜːr/ /ɪz/ /nɪər/ /ˈkɛmɪkəl/

which contaminated the drinking water.

/wɪtʃ/ /ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /taɪm/ /ˈkʌlər/

and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix her.

/ænd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /kæn/ /duː/ /fɪks/ /hɜːr/

My God! That's horrible. Is Dandelion going to be okay?

/maɪ/ /ˈhɒrɪbl/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/

All right. You are good!

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /juː/ /ɡʊd/

Dandelion's not even sick, is she?

/ˈiːvən/ /sɪk/ /ɪz/ /ʃiː/

So the building's really dead and you guys lied to me.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dɛd/ /ænd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /laɪd/ /miː/

We just did it to protect you, Ted.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /prəˈtɛkt/ /juː/

I can't believe this. I just got screwed by my 2 best friends

/bɪˈliːv/ /dʒʌst/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/

and I didn't even know it.

/ænd/ /ˈiːvən/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/

In Canada, that's called a "Sneaky Snowplow".

/ˈkænədə/

That building was my dream job, and now, it's just gone.

/ðæt/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /driːm/ /dʒɒb/ /ænd/ /naʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɔːn/

We're so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Yeah, I need a drink.

/niːd/ /drɪŋk/

Poor Ted.

/pʊr/

Would I seem heartless if I switched us back to Canadian Sex Acts?

/wʊd/ /siːm/ /ɪf/ /ʌs/ /bæk/ /sɛks/

- Not at all. - I'm surprised you waited this long.

/ɔːl/ /sərˈpraɪzd/ /juː/ /lɔːŋ/

What the hell is a "Two-Hand Zamboni"?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/

Let's just say, the only thing

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /θɪŋ/

the woman is wearing is skates on her hands.

/ˈwʊm.ən/ /ɪz/ /ɪz/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /hændz/

A "Manitoba Milk Bag"?

/mɪlk/ /bæɡ/

Okay, it's like a "Chicago Mustache", but the person on the bottom

/laɪk/ /bʌt/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /ɒn/

is wearing a snowsuit.

/ɪz/

A "Newfoundland Lobster Trap"?

Don't know. Don't want to know.

/noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/

Those Newfies are out of control.

/ðoʊz/ /aʊt/ /kənˈtroʊl/

Okay, I'm gonna make my first guess.

/meɪk/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /ɡɛs/

Okay, but I'll only tell you

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /tɛl/ /juː/

if you correctly guess the person, the act and the collection.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ɡɛs/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /ækt/ /ænd/ /kəˈlekʃən/

Okay, I'm gonna go. Bryan Adams.

/ɡoʊ/

He collects baseball cards,

/hiː/ /ˈbeɪsbɔːl/ /kɑːrdz/

and he wanted to do a "Greasy Kayak".

/ænd/ /hiː/ /duː/

Wayne Gretzky, vintage Hot Wheels,

/hɒt/

a "Squatting Eskimo".

Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir shot glasses,

/ʃɒt/

and a "Sticky Flapjack".

/ænd/

That I would have done.

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /hæv/ /dʌn/

Wait. Khoan.

/weɪt/

Wait, if they pulled the plug on the project a month ago,

/weɪt/ /ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /ɒn/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /mʌnθ/ /əˈɡoʊ/

why have I been going in once a week

/waɪ/ /hæv/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wʌns/ /wiːk/

to meet with the New Headquarters Task Force?

/miːt/ /wɪð/ /njuː/ /tæsk/ /fɔːrs/

Well, obviously you couldn't come in and pitch to Bilson.

/wɛl/ /ˈɒbviəsli/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /ænd/

So, we... invented the task force.

/wiː/ /tæsk/ /fɔːrs/

Then it was just a question of putting together the team.

/ðɛn/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /tiːm/

You know Roy Waterman, Vice President of Capital and Risk,

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ænd/ /rɪsk/

he's actually... Roy the janitor.

/ˈæktʃuəli/

Excuse me, Roy. How'd you like to make a few extra bucks?

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /meɪk/ /fjuː/ /ˈɛkstrə/

How naked do I have to get?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /hæv/ /ɡɛt/

Louisa Mendoza, Executive Vice President of Assets,

she's actually...

/ˈæktʃuəli/

Louisa the lunch lady.

/lʌntʃ/ /ˈleɪdi/

Louisa, I need your help with something,

/niːd/ /jʊr/ /hɛlp/ /wɪð/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

but you can't tell anybody.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛn.i.bɒd.i/

Exactly. This is a big secret.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /ɪz/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/

How do you say "secret" in Spanish?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /ˈsiːkrɪt/

Ah, yes. Albondigas.

This will be our little albondigas.

/wɪl/ /biː/ /aʊər/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Can I have a couple meatballs, please?

/kæn/ /hæv/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /pliːz/

And Arthur Nasmith, the eccentric genius guru of corporate investments,

/ænd/

he's actually... Crazy Arty, 15th Street's own one-man band.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /oʊn/ /bænd/

Excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

Do you have a minute to talk?

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /tɔːk/

Actually, my assistant, Reginald, makes all my appointments.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /maɪ/ /əˈsɪstənt/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/

We rounded up the group with a few interns

/wiː/ /ʌp/ /ɡruːp/ /wɪð/ /fjuː/

and payed everyone 50 bucks to act super interested in what you were saying.

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ækt/ /ˈsuːpər/ /ˈɪntrəstɪd/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/

Reginald, get me out of this for next week.

/ɡɛt/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /fɔːr/ /nɛkst/ /wiːk/

That was some of the most inspired design work.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /sʌm/ /moʊst/ /dɪˈzaɪn/ /wɜːrk/

I've done in my entire career. I was so excited.

/dʌn/ /maɪ/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /kəˈrɪr/ /wɒz/ /ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/

Alex Trebek, a "Musty Goaltender",

Beanie Babies!

/ˈbeɪbiz/

Nope.

Damn it!

/ɪt/

Wait. So that explains the thing that happened with Louisa.

/weɪt/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /wɪð/

- Good job, buddy. - Nice!

/ɡʊd/ /dʒɒb/ /ˈbʌdi/ /naɪs/

Listen, Louisa.

/ˈlɪs.ən/

What are we going to do about this?

/wɒt/ /wiː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /duː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

/ækt/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

I know you feel it, too.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /ɪt/

What the hell.

/wɒt/

No, this is wrong!

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /rɒŋ/

For God's sake, you're on the task force!

/fɔːr/ /ɒn/ /tæsk/ /fɔːrs/

Is there anything else you want to tell me?

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ɛls/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /tɛl/ /miː/

You know how you played third base for the GNB softball team.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /tiːm/

There is no GNB softball team.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /tiːm/

We just rented out a field,

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /aʊt/ /fiːld/

rounded up a bunch of guys and told them to make you the hero.

/ʌp/ /ɡaɪz/ /ænd/ /toʊld/ /ðɛm/ /meɪk/ /juː/

So my game-winning walk was a lie?

/maɪ/ /wɔːk/ /wɒz/ /laɪ/

We're sorry, but we knew that you'd be out of work soon,

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/ /wiː/ /njuː/ /ðæt/ /biː/ /aʊt/ /wɜːrk/ /suːn/

we just wanted to make you feel good.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /ɡʊd/

That's what friends do.

/wɒt/ /frɛndz/ /duː/

Lie to each other?

/laɪ/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Sometimes, yeah, to protect each other's feelings.

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /prəˈtɛkt/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

No way! You never lie to your friends. I would never not be honest with you.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /laɪ/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/ /wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Really? What about that open mic night at the comedy club?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /naɪt/ /ˈkɒmədi/ /klʌb/

Are you like me, folks?

/juː/ /laɪk/ /miː/

Have you ever thought about how many different kinds of fish there are?

/hæv/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /θɔːt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈdɪfrənt/ /fɪʃ/ /ðɛr/

And the names of those fish?

/ænd/ /ðoʊz/ /fɪʃ/

Let's take a little ride.

/teɪk/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /raɪd/

"Trout."

Am I right?

/raɪt/

"Sturgeon." I don't think so, pal.

/θɪŋk/

"Salmon."

I'm going to say that again...

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/ /əˈɡɛn/

Salmon.

Who thought that was a good idea, right?

/huː/ /θɔːt/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡʊd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /raɪt/

"Bass." This guy over here knows what I'm talking about.

/beɪs/ /ɡaɪ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /hɪr/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

"Halibut."

Thank you, good night.

/juː/ /ɡʊd/ /naɪt/

- How was it? - You were great. Really funny.

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ɡreɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈfʌn.i/

You killed...

/juː/ /kɪld/

everyone's Thursday night.

/naɪt/

Time out. You didn't like the fish list?

/taɪm/ /aʊt/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /fɪʃ/ /lɪst/

It was horrible! You just read a list of fish.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈhɒrɪbl/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /riːd/ /lɪst/ /fɪʃ/

Anyway... you guys just proved my point, okay?

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /maɪ/ /pɔɪnt/

You lied to me to protect my feelings.

/juː/ /laɪd/ /miː/ /prəˈtɛkt/ /maɪ/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

This is completely different!

/ɪz/ /kəmˈpliːtli/ /ˈdɪfrənt/

I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project.

/dʒʌst/ /mʌnθ/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /dɛd/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

That's time I could've spent trying to bring my firm new business.

/taɪm/ /brɪŋ/ /maɪ/ /njuː/ /ˈbɪznɪs/

Instead, I'm going to go in there tomorrow morning.

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /ðɛr/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

I'm probably going to get fired.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡɛt/ /faɪərd/

Best case scenario, my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody.

/bɛst/ /maɪ/ /bɔːs/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/

- Back home, we call that a Sas... - "Saskatoon Totem Pole." It's on here.

/bæk/ /hoʊm/ /wiː/ /kɔːl/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/ /hɪr/

Good morning, lying bastards.

/ɡʊd/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ˈlaɪɪŋ/

Anything you want to lie about before I head off to work to get fired?

/ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /laɪ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /hɛd/ /ɒf/ /wɜːrk/ /ɡɛt/ /faɪərd/

- Nice shirt. - You're the devil.

/naɪs/ /ʃɜːrt/

Ted, what if we told you that we found you a new project at GNB

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /wiː/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /juː/ /njuː/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/

where you would be redesigning part of the 20th floor.

/wɛr/ /juː/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /pɑːrt/ /flɔːr/

If that's a lie, it's an incredibly dull one.

/ɪf/ /laɪ/

What exactly would I be doing?

/wɒt/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wʊd/ /biː/

This is the 18th Floor E.T.R.

/ɪz/ /flɔːr/

Basically, Bilson wants a room just like this,

/ruːm/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/

only two stories up, on our floor.

/ˈoʊnli/ /tuː/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/ /aʊər/ /flɔːr/

Wait, what's an E.T.R.?

/weɪt/

It's the Employee Transition Room.

/ɪmˈplɔɪiː/ /ruːm/

What does that mean?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /ðæt/ /miːn/

Well, it's a space where a supervisor and employee

/wɛl/ /speɪs/ /wɛr/ /ænd/ /ɪmˈplɔɪiː/

engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.

/ˈnɒl.ɪdʒ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʃɪft/

People get fired in here.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /ɡɛt/ /faɪərd/ /hɪr/

That's horrible!

/ˈhɒrɪbl/

Why do you need a room specifically for firing people?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /juː/ /niːd/ /ruːm/ /fɔːr/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

GNB feels that people need a safe,

/fiːlz/ /ðæt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /niːd/ /seɪf/

secure space to deal with the news.

/sɪˈkjʊər/ /speɪs/ /diːl/ /wɪð/ /njuːz/

It gets pretty real in here.

/ɪt/ /ɡɛts/ /ˈprɪti/ /riːl/ /hɪr/

So I reluctantly agreed to design a room where people would be fired.

/dɪˈzaɪn/ /ruːm/ /wɛr/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /faɪərd/

But I was determined to make it my own.

/bʌt/ /wɒz/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

Now, when you leave the dismissal space,

/naʊ/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /liːv/ /speɪs/

you'll exit into what I'm calling

/wɒt/ /ˈkɔːlɪŋ/

"the Rebirth Tranquility Hallway".

Here, you'll find a soothing oval chamber

/hɪr/ /faɪnd/

with a trained grief counselor.

/wɪð/

It's right here, past the New Beginnings Fountain.

/raɪt/ /hɪr/ /pæst/ /njuː/

And there you have it. Instead of a drab, dark prison cell,

/ænd/ /ðɛr/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ɪt/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /dɑːrk/ /ˈprɪzən/

a nurturing womb...

birthing you into a new life.

/juː/ /njuː/ /laɪf/

- I love it. - Really?

/lʌv/ /ɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

- Nice work, Ted. - Thank you.

/naɪs/ /wɜːrk/ /juː/

Can you add some of these touches to the existing 18th Floor E.T.R. as well?

/kæn/ /juː/ /æd/ /sʌm/ /ðiːz/ /flɔːr/ /wɛl/

- Absolutely. - Great.

/ˈæbsəluːtli/ /ɡreɪt/

Let's take a look.

/teɪk/ /lʊk/

- Okay, so I'm thinking this wall... - You're fired!

/wɔːl/ /faɪərd/

- What? - I wanted this room!

/wɒt/ /ruːm/

This exact room two floors up!

/ruːm/ /tuː/ /ʌp/

- But... - You're fired!

/bʌt/ /faɪərd/

Now, get the hell out of here.

/naʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Hey, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

Anyone from the band Rush,

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /bænd/

a "Montreal Meatpie", and superhero lunch boxes.

/ænd/ /lʌntʃ/

Rick Moranis,

"The Reverse Rick Moranis",

antique Judaica.

I give up.

/ɡɪv/ /ʌp/

I've been guessing for three days. I'm done.

/fɔːr/ /θriː/ /dʌn/

If that means I never get to know, so be it.

/ɪf/ /ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ɡɛt/ /noʊ/ /biː/ /ɪt/

- Fine. - Tell us!

/faɪn/ /tɛl/ /ʌs/

You really want to know?

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/

Yes!

But this information does not leave this table.

/bʌt/ /ˌɪn.fərˈmeɪ.ʃən/ /dʌz/ /liːv/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

Oh, my, God. I am so excited.

/maɪ/ /ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/

- I'm gonna read it. - Read it.

/riːd/ /ɪt/ /riːd/ /ɪt/

- Read it. - I'm gonna read it. Here we go.

/riːd/ /ɪt/ /riːd/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

"The Frozen Snowshoe,

/ˈfroʊzən/

"Old King Clancy, Harvey's trays."

/oʊld/ /kɪŋ/

Right.

/raɪt/

I don't know what any of those words mean.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ðoʊz/ /wɜːrdz/ /miːn/

Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity?

/ɪz/ /ðoʊz/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /biː/

Who the hell... is Old King Clancy?

/huː/ /ɪz/ /oʊld/ /kɪŋ/

No, that's not the person, that's the sex act.

/noʊ/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /sɛks/ /ækt/

It's the same as a Sacramento Turtleneck,

/seɪm/

except with maple syrup.

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /wɪð/

So the celebrity was Harvey Straze?

/wɒz/

No, that's what he collected. Harvey's trays.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /hiː/

Those classic orange trays you get whenever you eat at Harvey's.

/ðoʊz/ /ˈklæsɪk/ /ˈɒrɪndʒ/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /iːt/

The restaurant?

/ˈrɛstərɒnt/

Come on, you're road tripping down the Trans-Canada Highway,

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /roʊd/ /daʊn/

you get a hunger on between Milverton and Wawa,

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒn/ /bɪˈtwiːn/ /ænd/

where you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh? Harvey's. Over 12,000 served!

/wɛr/ /juː/ /ɒn/ /fiːd/ /bæɡ/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

So the celebrity was...

/wɒz/

The Frozen Snowshoe.

/ˈfroʊzən/

Oh, my God! You guys have never heard of The Frozen Snowshoe?

/maɪ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /hæv/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hɜːrd/ /ˈfroʊzən/

He's only the most famous professional wrestler in Canada.

/ˈoʊnli/ /moʊst/ /ˈfeɪməs/ /prəˈfɛʃənl/ /ˈkænədə/

I met him after he defeated Reckless Rick Rogers

/hɪm/ /ˈæf.tər/ /hiː/

in the Kamloops Memorial Arena back in '02.

/bæk/

So you're saying The Frozen Snowshoe

/ˈfroʊzən/

invited you back to his place to look at Harvey's trays,

/juː/ /bæk/ /hɪz/ /pleɪs/ /lʊk/

and asked you to do an Old King Clancy?

/ænd/ /juː/ /duː/ /oʊld/ /kɪŋ/

Exactly.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/

And I'm serious,

/ænd/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

you cannot tell anyone.

/juː/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛniwʌn/

My hiccups are gone.

/maɪ/ /ɡɔːn/

Possibly forever.

/fərˈɛvər/

Canada! You did it again.

/ˈkænədə/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛn/

You even found a way to ruin this.

/juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /weɪ/ /ˈruːɪn/

Why? Why do we let you be a country?

/waɪ/ /waɪ/ /duː/ /wiː/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /biː/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

Hey, Mister Whisper.

Shouldn't you be upstairs designing your big fancy E.T.R.?

/juː/ /biː/ /ˌʌpˈstɛrz/ /dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /bɪɡ/

- I'm off the project. - What?

/ɒf/ /ˈprɒdʒɛkt/ /wɒt/

- Bilson fired me. - You're kidding me.

/faɪərd/ /miː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /miː/

So what does this mean for you at your firm?

/wɒt/ /dʌz/ /miːn/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /jʊr/

Are you gonna get laid off?

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒf/

Actually, I just quit. Why?

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /dʒʌst/ /kwɪt/ /waɪ/

Because I can't work for big, heartless corporate clients anymore.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɜːrk/ /fɔːr/ /bɪɡ/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

When I was pitching to your "task force",

/wɛn/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /tæsk/ /fɔːrs/

I was doing the most inspired work of my career. In a way,

/wɒz/ /moʊst/ /wɜːrk/ /maɪ/ /kəˈrɪr/ /weɪ/

you idiots reminded me how much fun my job can be

/juː/ /miː/ /haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /fʌn/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/ /kæn/ /biː/

when I'm not answering to the Bilsons of the world, so...

/wɛn/ /wɜːrld/

I quit.

/kwɪt/

- They fired you, didn't they? - Yes, sir.

/ðeɪ/ /faɪərd/ /juː/ /ðeɪ/ /sɜːr/

But I got a sweet severance package and I've made a big decision.

/bʌt/ /swiːt/ /ˈpækɪdʒ/ /ænd/ /bɪɡ/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

I'm gonna start my own firm.

/stɑːrt/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

- That's exciting. - In this economy?

/ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /ɪˈkɒnəmi/

So you're not mad?

/mæd/

As it turns out, I'm grateful.

/ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ˈɡreɪtfəl/

How'd it all go down between you and Bilson?

/ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /ɡoʊ/ /daʊn/ /bɪˈtwiːn/ /juː/ /ænd/

After he proposed a vocational paradigm shift,

/ˈæf.tər/ /hiː/ /ʃɪft/

I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach

/ˌprɛzənˈteɪʃən/

that really brought him to his knees.

/ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hɪm/ /hɪz/

Hit him with a chair?

/hɪm/ /wɪð/ /tʃɛr/

Yep

That's my boy.

/maɪ/ /bɔɪ/

And this one, I got on the drive from Milverton to Wawa.

/ænd/ /ɒn/ /draɪv/

That's pretty impressive, The Frozen Snowshoe.

/ˈprɪti/ /ˈfroʊzən/

Please, we're friends. Just call me "Shoe".

/pliːz/ /frɛndz/ /dʒʌst/ /kɔːl/ /miː/

Have a seat.

/hæv/ /siːt/

So, Shoe...

How would you like to give me...

/haʊ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/

an "Old King Clancy"?

/oʊld/ /kɪŋ/

I think you should go.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/