Season 5 · Tập 11

Kids, back in 2009, your Aunt Robin was the host

/kɪdz/ /bæk/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /wɒz/

of a morning show for local New York cable.

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ʃoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈloʊkl/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

And it was on early. How early?

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /ˈɜːr.li/ /haʊ/ /ˈɜːr.li/

Mike? wakey, wakey.

But then, everything changed.

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /tʃeɪndʒd/

See my show?

/siː/ /maɪ/ /ʃoʊ/

Oh, I meant to watch it.

/wɒtʃ/ /ɪt/

I just got so busy with the whole "being sound asleep" thing.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈbɪzi/ /wɪð/ /hoʊl/ /saʊnd/ /əˈsliːp/ /θɪŋ/

It took all night, eight hours down the drain.

/ɪt/ /tʊk/ /ɔːl/ /naɪt/ /eɪt/ /ˈaʊərz/ /daʊn/

Oh, it's fine. But get this: After the broadcast...

/faɪn/ /bʌt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈbrɔːdkɑːst/

Hi. Are you Robin?

/juː/

I'm Don, your new co-host.

/jʊr/ /njuː/

Don was Don Frank, seasoned veteran of no fewer

/wɒz/ /noʊ/

than 39 local morning news teams from all over the country.

/ðæn/ /ˈloʊkl/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /njuːz/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

The guy was an industry legend.

/ɡaɪ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɪndəstri/ /ˈlɛdʒənd/

Wow! You are so going to hit that.

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ðæt/

No, I just think we're going

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

to be great together on the air.

/biː/ /ɡreɪt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /ɒn/ /ɛr/

And on the sofa and on the bed and on the coffee table.

/ænd/ /ɒn/ /ˈsoʊfə/ /ænd/ /ɒn/ /bɛd/ /ænd/ /ɒn/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

All right, all right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

I'm gonna go up on the roof and stand there by myself for five minutes.

/ɡoʊ/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/ /ruːf/ /ænd/ /stænd/ /ðɛr/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /fɔːr/ /faɪv/

Have fun.

/hæv/ /fʌn/

And that's exactly what she did.

/ænd/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /dɪd/

She just stood there.

/ʃiː/ /dʒʌst/ /ðɛr/

All right, kids, I'm gonna level with you.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /kɪdz/ /ˈlɛv.əl/ /wɪð/ /juː/

That's not what she did. Here's what she did.

/wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /dɪd/ /wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /dɪd/

All right, all right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

I'm going to go have a cigarette.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡoʊ/ /hæv/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

BOTH: What?!

/boʊθ/ /wɒt/

NARRATOR: I promised her I'd never tell you this,

/hɜːr/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /tɛl/ /juː/

but once upon a time, your Aunt Robin did enjoy the occasional cigarette,

/bʌt/ /wʌns/ /taɪm/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /dɪd/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

and occasionally that occasional cigarette...

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

was more than just occasional.

/wɒz/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /dʒʌst/

I just left something like this in my apartment.

/dʒʌst/ /lɛft/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

Robin, come on, take it to the roof.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/ /ruːf/

We said no smoking in the apartment

/wiː/ /sɛd/ /noʊ/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

after you torched the throw rug doing push-ups.

/ˈæf.tər/ /juː/ /θroʊ/ /rʌɡ/

All right, all right, all right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Yeah, Robin, I mean, God, not only is that a filthy habit, but also,

/miːn/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /bʌt/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/

can I bum one? Sure.

/kæn/ /ʃʊr/

What?!

/wɒt/

Kids, your Uncle Marshall definitely doesn't want you

/kɪdz/ /jʊr/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /wɒnt/ /juː/

to know this, but he also smoked off and on.

/noʊ/ /bʌt/ /hiː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /ɒf/ /ænd/ /ɒn/

It all started when he was 13, on a camping trip in Minnesota.

/ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /wɛn/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /trɪp/

Come on, Marshall, let's celebrate. It's summer vacation.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈsɛlɪbreɪt/ /ˈsʌmər/

Okay, but just one.

/bʌt/ /dʒʌst/

This is my first and last cigarette ever.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /fɜːrst/ /ænd/ /læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ˈɛv.ər/

And that was the first of many, many "last cigarettes ever."

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /fɜːrst/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /læst/ /ˈɛv.ər/

That's it. I am done, I am out.

/ɪt/ /dʌn/ /aʊt/

Last... Cigarette... ...ev-arrh!

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

So, by that point, I'd heard it all before.

/ðæt/ /pɔɪnt/ /hɜːrd/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

Last cigarette ever.

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ˈɛv.ər/

What are you doing? You haven't smoked in six months.

/wɒt/ /juː/ /juː/ /sɪks/

Is this about the McRib? It's gone, dude, let it go.

/ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɡɔːn/ /lɛt/ /ɪt/ /ɡoʊ/

I'm worried about work, okay?

/ˈwʌrid/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wɜːrk/

They just hired a new head of the legal department,

/ðeɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /haɪərd/ /njuː/ /hɛd/ /ˈliːɡəl/ /dɪˈpɑːrtmənt/

and he's going to be letting people go.

/ænd/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ɡoʊ/

So that's why you're worried?

/waɪ/ /ˈwʌrid/

The new head of the legal department is Arthur Hobbes.

/njuː/ /hɛd/ /ˈliːɡəl/ /dɪˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ɪz/

As in "Artillery Arthur"? As in your former boss?

/jʊr/ /bɔːs/

Arthur Hobbes was the meanest boss

/wɒz/ /bɔːs/

Marshall or anyone else had ever had.

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /ɛls/ /hæd/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hæd/

The last time Marshall worked for him, it ended like this.

/læst/ /taɪm/ /wɜːrkt/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/

I quit!

/kwɪt/

Yikes. So does he hold it against you?

/dʌz/ /hiː/ /hoʊld/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛnst/ /juː/

Worse.

/wɜːrs/

I'm sorry, who are you?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /huː/ /juː/

I'm, I'm Marshall Eriksen.

Um, we had a fairly intense screaming match.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /ˈskriːmɪŋ/ /mætʃ/

No.

/noʊ/

Wherein I suggested that you take your head

/ðæt/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /jʊr/ /hɛd/

and store it within yourself in a fashion that,

/ænd/ /stɔːr/ /ɪt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /ðæt/

while, while space-saving, might limit its exposure to, to sunshine.

/waɪl/ /waɪl/ /maɪt/ /ɪts/

Well, that describes 95% of my employees

/wɛl/ /ðæt/ /maɪ/

and everyone in my family... except for my dog.

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /maɪ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /ɪkˈsɛpt/ /fɔːr/ /maɪ/ /dɔːɡ/

: He's such a good boy.

/sʌtʃ/ /ɡʊd/ /bɔɪ/

Well... I'll see you later, uh... Randall Wilkerson.

/wɛl/ /siː/ /juː/ /ˈleɪtər/

Marshall Eriksen. Marshall Eriksen.

Gary Dinkersfield, right.

/raɪt/

Great, he doesn't remember you.

/ɡreɪt/ /hiː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /juː/

Not great.

/ɡreɪt/

Arthur Hobbes hating Marshall-- that's no big deal.

/noʊ/ /bɪɡ/ /diːl/

He hates everyone.

/hiː/ /heɪts/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

It's the people he doesn't know that he cuts loose.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /hiː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /hiː/

He just fired What's-His-Face.

/hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /faɪərd/

He fired What's- His-Face, Ted,

/hiː/ /faɪərd/

and What's-His-Face was invaluable.

/ænd/ /wɒz/

Look, I can understand you getting upset, but it's not worth killing yourself over.

/lʊk/ /kæn/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/ /juː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ʌpˈsɛt/ /bʌt/ /wɜːrθ/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

Yeah, wait till you get laid off, then kill yourself.

/weɪt/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒf/ /ðɛn/ /kɪl/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Like What's-His-Face.

/laɪk/

Although I guess now it's more like Where's-His-Face.

/ɔːlˈðoʊ/ /ɡɛs/ /naʊ/ /mɔːr/ /laɪk/

Look, it was just two cigarettes. Okay, I can handle two.

/lʊk/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /tuː/ /kæn/ /ˈhændl/ /tuː/

As long as I don't have three within 24 hours,

/lɔːŋ/ /hæv/ /θriː/ /ˈaʊərz/

then I'm not going to get hooked again.

/ðɛn/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡɛt/ /hʊkt/ /əˈɡɛn/

What's Lily going to say when she finds out you smoked?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /wɛn/ /ʃiː/ /aʊt/ /juː/

Lily's not going to find out. I have a system.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /faɪnd/ /aʊt/ /hæv/ /ˈsɪstəm/

Ah, yes, Marshall's system.

/ˈsɪstəm/

Hey, Lil.

You smoked.

/juː/

Damn it!

/ɪt/

NARRATOR: The next morning, your Aunt Robin was thrilled

/nɛkst/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /wɒz/

to be finally going on the air with a real pro.

/biː/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /ɛr/ /wɪð/ /riːl/

In three, two, one...

/θriː/ /tuː/

Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

And I... am Don Frank.

/ænd/

Two teens were arrested late last night for stealing a police cart.

/tuː/ /wɜːr/ /leɪt/ /læst/ /naɪt/ /fɔːr/

No, I'm sorry, not a police cart, a police car.

/noʊ/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /kɑːr/

Aw, screw it. Brain fart.

/skruː/ /ɪt/ /breɪn/

Don't you hate those?

/juː/ /heɪt/ /ðoʊz/

Oh, look at that, the teleprompter's still running.

/lʊk/ /ðæt/ /ˈrʌnɪŋ/

Something about a woman giving birth on an uptown bus.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /bʌs/

Well, no point in jumping in halfway. I'll just wait till it's done.

/wɛl/ /noʊ/ /pɔɪnt/ /dʒʌst/ /weɪt/ /dʌn/

Uh... and she cut the cord with a Metropass.

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /kʌt/ /wɪð/

We'll be right back.

/biː/ /raɪt/ /bæk/

And we're clear.

/ænd/ /klɪər/

What the hell was that? Don, you said "brain fart."

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /sɛd/ /breɪn/

Look, Robin, you seem like a nice kid, but this is my 39th local news show, okay?

/lʊk/ /juː/ /siːm/ /laɪk/ /naɪs/ /kɪd/ /bʌt/ /ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈloʊkl/ /njuːz/ /ʃoʊ/

And in that time, I've learned three things:

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/ /lɜːrnd/ /θriː/ /θɪŋz/

avoid the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet in Bismarck,

/əˈvɔɪd/

do not go to the bathroom with your lapel mic still on,

/duː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈbæθruːm/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /ɒn/

and three, at this hour, your entire viewing audience is

/ænd/ /θriː/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /jʊr/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /ˈɔːdiəns/ /ɪz/

one half-drunk slob sitting in his underwear, so...

/hɪz/

MIKE: Back in five, four...

/bæk/ /faɪv/

Well, let's do a great show for that half-drunk slob.

/wɛl/ /duː/ /ɡreɪt/ /ʃoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/

Well, that half-drunk slob appreciates it.

/wɛl/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/

The next day, Marshall found himself craving a cigarette.

/nɛkst/ /deɪ/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

It was driving him crazy, so he decided to get some fresh air.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈdraɪvɪŋ/ /hɪm/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /hiː/ /ɡɛt/ /sʌm/ /frɛʃ/ /ɛr/

Oh, no. You're not up here to jump, are you?

/noʊ/ /ʌp/ /hɪr/ /dʒʌmp/ /juː/

No, no, no, no.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

I fired a lot of people today. I don't need another jumper in my file.

/faɪərd/ /lɒt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /təˈdeɪ/ /niːd/ /əˈnʌðər/ /maɪ/

Oh, uh, cigarette?

/ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

No, no, thank you.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /juː/

That's too bad.

/bæd/

You know what I miss, Jeffrey?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /mɪs/

Getting to know somebody over a smoke.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /noʊ/ /ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /smoʊk/

People are so interchangeable now,

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /naʊ/

but you share a butt with somebody, you got a real bond.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ʃɛr/ /bʌt/ /wɪð/ /ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /juː/ /riːl/ /bɒnd/

You know what? I will, I will take one. Okay.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /wɪl/ /wɪl/ /teɪk/

Thank you.

/juː/

I'm Marshall, by the way, it's Marshall, Marshall Eriksen.

/weɪ/

Yeah. Tell me something Marshall Eriksen.

/tɛl/ /miː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

How would you like to see a picture of the cutest dog in the world?

/haʊ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /siː/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /dɔːɡ/ /wɜːrld/

Hey. - You smoked.

/juː/

Yes, I smoked, and it was my third of the day.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /deɪ/

You know what that means? I'm a smoker now. It's all over.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ðæt/ /naʊ/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

I even bought a pack on the way home and a lighter

/ˈiːvən/ /bɔːt/ /ɒn/ /weɪ/ /hoʊm/ /ænd/

and a Vikings lamp, which has nothing to do with anything,

/ænd/ /læmp/ /wɪtʃ/ /hæz/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /duː/ /wɪð/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

but I saw it in the window and I liked it.

/bʌt/ /sɔː/ /ɪt/ /ˈwɪndoʊ/ /ænd/ /ɪt/

Damn it, Marshall.

/ɪt/

We already have four Viking lamps and smoking kills.

/wiː/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæv/ /ænd/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

It was a way to bond with my boss, okay?

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /weɪ/ /bɒnd/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /bɔːs/

You should have seen me up there.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /miː/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/

That is a cute dog.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /kjuːt/ /dɔːɡ/

Yeah. Are those your kids?

/ðoʊz/ /jʊr/ /kɪdz/

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Hey, oh, look what I got at the mall.

/lʊk/ /wɒt/ /mɔːl/

Aw. There he is.

/ðɛr/ /hiː/ /ɪz/

There he is.

/ðɛr/ /hiː/ /ɪz/

Go ahead, you can pet him now.

/ɡoʊ/ /juː/ /kæn/ /hɪm/ /naʊ/

No.

/noʊ/

Yeah, yeah, come on, he likes it.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /hiː/ /ɪt/

Scratch him under the chin.

/hɪm/ /ˈʌndər/

I don't care what your reasons are.

/kɛr/ /wɒt/ /jʊr/ /ˈriːzənz/

You know how I feel about smoking.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /fiːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

Now, give me the cigarettes.

/naʊ/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/

And the lighter.

/ænd/

Ah, that's the stuff.

/stʌf/

What?! What?! Oh, yeah,

/wɒt/ /wɒt/

add your Aunt Lily to the list.

/æd/ /jʊr/ /ænt/ /lɪst/

Whenever Uncle Marshall fell off the wagon,

/ˈʌŋkəl/ /ɒf/

your Aunt Lily got dragged right down with him.

/jʊr/ /ænt/ /raɪt/ /daʊn/ /wɪð/ /hɪm/

What you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

If you must know, I am reaching out

/ɪf/ /juː/ /mʌst/ /noʊ/ /aʊt/

to City Hall to try to get the mayor on our show.

/ˈsɪt.i/ /hɔːl/ /traɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒn/ /aʊər/ /ʃoʊ/

Oh, my goodness, you are adorable,

/maɪ/ /juː/ /əˈdɔːrəbəl/

but the mayor's not coming on a show nobody watches.

/bʌt/ /ɒn/ /ʃoʊ/ /ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/

My colonoscopy had more viewers than this show.

/maɪ/ /hæd/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ʃoʊ/

At least that had some twists and turns.

/liːst/ /ðæt/ /hæd/ /sʌm/ /ænd/

You know, I don't, I don't know

/juː/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

why you're acting like this.

/waɪ/ /ˈæktɪŋ/ /laɪk/

Maybe you're just bitter

/ˈmeɪbi/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈbɪtər/

because you never had a shot at a network job,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæd/ /ʃɒt/ /ˈnɛtwɜːk/ /dʒɒb/

but I think I still do, so I really need to focus.

/bʌt/ /θɪŋk/ /duː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /niːd/ /ˈfoʊkəs/

I've been on a network.

/ɒn/ /ˈnɛtwɜːk/

You were on a network?

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /ɒn/ /ˈnɛtwɜːk/

It was the best Labor Day weekend of my life.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /bɛst/ /ˈleɪbər/ /deɪ/ /ˈwiːkɛnd/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

When you do the news, you're in these ergonomic chairs.

/wɛn/ /juː/ /duː/ /njuːz/ /ðiːz/

It feels like you're sitting on a cloud.

/ɪt/ /fiːlz/ /laɪk/ /ɒn/

Which was nice 'cause it was right after my colonoscopy.

/wɪtʃ/ /wɒz/ /naɪs/ /kɔːz/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /raɪt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /maɪ/

And the dressing rooms? Oh.

/ænd/

There's dressing rooms? Oh, you bet

/juː/ /bɛt/

your sweet headset there's dressing rooms, Mike.

/jʊr/ /swiːt/

No changing in the KFC bathroom across the street. No, sir.

/noʊ/ /ˈbæθruːm/ /əˈkrɒs/ /striːt/ /noʊ/ /sɜːr/

It was heaven.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/

But the second you get used to it, they go find someone

/bʌt/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /ðeɪ/ /ɡoʊ/ /faɪnd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

who isn't "going through a bitter divorce"

/huː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /ˈbɪtər/ /dɪˈvɔːrs/

and doesn't "reek of gin,"

/ænd/

and before you know it, you're stuck in a dead-end gig,

/ænd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /stʌk/

surrounded by people going nowhere,

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

doing the news in your tighty whities.

/njuːz/ /jʊr/

Okay, the underwear thing was your choice,

/θɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /tʃɔɪs/

and I don't like that it's catching on.

/ænd/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /ɒn/

Ah, looking good, fellas. Feels good, right?

/ɡʊd/ /fiːlz/ /ɡʊd/ /raɪt/

God, I want to kill him.

/wɒnt/ /kɪl/ /hɪm/

Of course people watch the show.

/kɔːrs/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɒtʃ/ /ʃoʊ/

You guys watch the show, that's, like, two right there.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /wɒtʃ/ /ʃoʊ/ /laɪk/ /tuː/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

Oh, my God. You guys still haven't seen my show.

/maɪ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /maɪ/ /ʃoʊ/

What? We never miss it. We've seen it!

/wɒt/ /wiː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /mɪs/ /ɪt/ /ɪt/

Really? What color is the set?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒt/ /ˈkʌlər/ /ɪz/ /sɛt/

Yeah, uh... It's black.

/blæk/

Right. Yeah. With, like, silver Uh-huh. Yeah. around the edges.

/raɪt/ /wɪð/ /laɪk/ /əˈraʊnd/

Not your TV set, my show set.

/jʊr/ /sɛt/ /maɪ/ /ʃoʊ/ /sɛt/

Ah... Oh... Oh!

God, if I can't even get my best friends to watch, who's going to watch?

/ɪf/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɡɛt/ /maɪ/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/ /wɒtʃ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɒtʃ/

Lots of people. Uh, you got bedridden insomniacs. Hmm.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /juː/

Bums camping outside a department store.

/ˌaʊtˈsaɪd/ /dɪˈpɑːrtmənt/ /stɔːr/

People waiting in the ER, where the TV is in a cage,

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɛr/ /ɪz/

so you can't change the channel.

/juː/ /tʃeɪndʒ/ /ˈtʃænəl/

Ooh, do you have any stalkers?

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/

Yeah, but even Leonard won't watch my show.

/bʌt/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɒtʃ/ /maɪ/ /ʃoʊ/

I can't believe those guys are smoking out there.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ðoʊz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /ðɛr/

It's freezing out.

/aʊt/

Remember when you used to be able to smoke in bars?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/ /smoʊk/

Oh, hey, dude. I think that hot girl over there's smiling at me.

/θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /hɒt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /miː/

Uh, that's a chair. But yeah, dude, hit that.

/tʃɛr/ /bʌt/ /ðæt/

MARSHALL: Guys?

/ɡaɪz/

Marco! Marco!

Polo! Polo! - Polo! - Polo!

Well, it's dividing our group into smokers and non-smokers.

/wɛl/ /aʊər/ /ɡruːp/ /ænd/

And that's not healthy.

/ænd/ /ˈhɛlθi/

You're right.

/raɪt/

Let's go have a smoke.

/ɡoʊ/ /hæv/ /smoʊk/

What?! What?!

/wɒt/ /wɒt/

Yeah, I'm not proud of it.

/praʊd/ /ɪt/

ROBIN: Look at you two. Smokers. Just like the rest of us.

/lʊk/ /juː/ /tuː/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /rɛst/ /ʌs/

I am not a smoker.

I only smoke in certain situations.

/ˈoʊnli/ /smoʊk/

Postcoital, when I'm with Germans--

/wɛn/ /wɪð/

sometimes those two overlap--

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /ðoʊz/ /tuː/

coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom,

/maɪ/ /mɒm/

precoital,

on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year,

/ɒn/ /deɪ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /jɪr/

and, of course-- wait for it, 'cause Lord knows I have--

/ænd/ /kɔːrs/ /weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /kɔːz/ /hæv/

pregnancy scares.

Why are you smoking right now?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I'm always precoital, Ted.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/

You know, maybe smoking's not so bad.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /bæd/

I mean, at least it gets us out in the fresh air.

/miːn/ /liːst/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛts/ /ʌs/ /aʊt/ /frɛʃ/ /ɛr/

Yeah, and all the coughing really works my abs.

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɜːrks/ /maɪ/

: I... am... ripped!

NARRATOR: But, as glamorous as it was,

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

within a week, we all hit our breaking point.

/wiːk/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /aʊər/ /pɔɪnt/

You okay, sweetie?

/juː/ /ˈswiːti/

Actually, baby, my throat's a bit sore.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /maɪ/ /sɔːr/

So, I'm whapping him across the nose with the newspaper, right? Yeah.

/hɪm/ /əˈkrɒs/ /noʊz/ /wɪð/ /raɪt/

And my wife says,

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /waɪf/

"Come on, you can't treat your son like that."

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /juː/ /triːt/ /jʊr/ /sʌn/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

Michael, call 911.

/kɔːl/

Oh... oh, my God. Okay, yes, yeah, right away.

/maɪ/ /raɪt/ /əˈweɪ/

It's Marshall, by the way.

/weɪ/

Oh, my God. I hope Arthur's okay.

/maɪ/ /hoʊp/

Dibs on his office if he's not.

/ɒn/ /hɪz/ /ˈɒfɪs/ /ɪf/

We have to quit smoking.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /kwɪt/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

: Honey, you said a mouthful.

/ˈhʌni/ /juː/ /sɛd/

I wish I had never started.

/wɪʃ/ /hæd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

I mean, I think back to myself at 13 years old.

/miːn/ /θɪŋk/ /bæk/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /oʊld/

If I could only go back to that moment...

/ɪf/ /kʊd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɡoʊ/ /bæk/ /ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

I hate that little bastard.

/heɪt/ /ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

: Me, too.

/miː/

Okay, that's it. Let's quit. Let's... Let's do it.

/ɪt/ /kwɪt/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Well, I am proud of you guys.

/wɛl/ /praʊd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

I have heard how difficult it is for smokers

/hæv/ /hɜːrd/ /haʊ/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /fɔːr/

like yourself to quit,

/laɪk/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /kwɪt/

so, on behalf of nonsmokers,

/ɒn/

I salute you, and I am here to help.

/juː/ /ænd/ /hɪr/ /hɛlp/

So, hand in your cigarettes, and I will get rid of them one at a time.

/hænd/ /jʊr/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /ɡɛt/ /ðɛm/ /taɪm/

You're quitting, dollface.

I know I don't normally call you dollface,

/noʊ/ /ˈnɔːrməli/ /kɔːl/ /juː/

but it kind of works in this voice.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /kaɪnd/ /wɜːrks/ /vɔɪs/

Dollface.

Hey, guys. Hey.

/ɡaɪz/

Uh, I was just wondering, um, is anyone else interviewing the mayor tomorrow on TV,or is it just me?

/wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪz/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /ɛls/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ɒn/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /miː/

Hey, that's great. Whoa!

/ɡreɪt/

Yeah, Don can suck it while I suck this.

/kæn/ /ɪt/ /waɪl/

Light me, Marshall.

/laɪt/ /miː/

Actually, um, we've decided that we're all quitting smoking.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ðæt/ /ɔːl/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

That's fantastic.

I'm sick of you guys bumming my cigarettes.

/sɪk/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /maɪ/

No, come on, Robin. We-we can't do it

/noʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /duː/ /ɪt/

unless we all do it together.

/ənˈlɛs/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /duː/ /ɪt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

No.

/noʊ/

You can sleep with Marshall.

/juː/ /kæn/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/

Oh, God, Lily, no.

/noʊ/

Sorry, baby, you got to take one for the team.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /fɔːr/ /tiːm/

I-I don't want to sleep with Marshall.

/wɒnt/ /sliːp/ /wɪð/

I've seen the looks. Right.

/raɪt/

I can't quit right now.

/kwɪt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Not before the biggest interview of my life.

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

It's-it's too stressful.

It's too stressful!

Let's just have one more. Give me a cigarette!!

/dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /mɔːr/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

No, wait! Robin, Robin, think about this for a second.

/noʊ/ /weɪt/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

Bloomberg is the antismoking mayor.

/ɪz/

Do you really want to show up to that interview smelling like smoke?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /ʃoʊ/ /ʌp/ /ðæt/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /laɪk/ /smoʊk/

It'd be like interviewing a vegetarian smelling like a McRib.

/biː/ /laɪk/ /ˌvɛdʒɪˈtɛəriən/ /laɪk/

Really? Like I'm not going through enough right now?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /laɪk/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

TED: Look, you're quitting. We're all quitting.

/lʊk/ /ɔːl/

Fine. I'll quit.

/faɪn/ /kwɪt/

Great. Great.

/ɡreɪt/ /ɡreɪt/

We just have to get through the first 24 hours.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /θruː/ /fɜːrst/ /ˈaʊərz/

After that, it's a cakewalk.

/ˈæf.tər/ /ðæt/

Barney, do you have to bite your nails so loud?

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /baɪt/ /jʊr/ /laʊd/

I'm not biting my nails.

/maɪ/

I'm trying to suck the leftover nicotine out of my fingertips.

/aʊt/ /maɪ/

Marshall, can you pass the onion rings?

/kæn/ /juː/ /pæs/

What, you got dinosaur arms? They're right there.

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ɑːrmz/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

What do you think cigarettes are doing right now?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

You think they're thinking about us?

/juː/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʌs/

Dude, if you don't stop tapping your foot, it's coming off.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /stɒp/ /jʊr/ /fʊt/ /ɒf/

Oh, my God, Ted, I'm so sorry.

/maɪ/ /ˈsɒr.i/

Maybe I should move it a little bit closer to your ass!

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃʊd/ /muːv/ /ɪt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /jʊr/

I am ready to do this right now!

/ˈrɛd.i/ /duː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

NARRATOR: None of us knew what we were fighting about.

/nʌn/ /ʌs/ /njuː/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

We just knew we wanted to smoke. More than anything in the world.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /njuː/ /wiː/ /smoʊk/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /wɜːrld/

It wasn't going very well for Robin, either.

/ɪt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /wɛl/ /fɔːr/ /ˈiː.ðər/

Sorry I'm late.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /leɪt/

Someone used the microwave, and the elevator stopped.

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ænd/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

Okay, Don, Don, seriously, not tonight.

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /təˈnaɪt/

Okay, I'm a little bit on edge because I quit smoking

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɒn/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /kwɪt/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

for my interview with the mayor, so just...

/fɔːr/ /maɪ/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /wɪð/ /dʒʌst/

Oh, you precious little porcelain unicorn, you.

/juː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /juː/

Why would you do that?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Why?!

/waɪ/

Because I care, Don.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /kɛr/

I-I care about the show, I-I care about my career.

/kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʃoʊ/ /kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪ/ /kəˈrɪr/

Unlike you, you unprofessional jerk!

/juː/ /juː/ /dʒɜːrk/

You're-You're sloppy, you're rude,

/ruːd/

and I wish you worked half as hard

/ænd/ /wɪʃ/ /juː/ /wɜːrkt/ /hæf/ /hɑːrd/

as the elastic on those stretched-out underpants.

/ɒn/ /ðoʊz/

I'm starting to feel like this is getting a little personal.

/fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈpɜːrsənl/

No, Don, it would be getting personal

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈpɜːrsənl/

if I would say that the reason you bounce

/ɪf/ /wʊd/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/ /ˈriːzən/ /juː/

from market to market is because you're a loser-- a lazy, obnoxious, loser.

/ɪz/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈleɪzi/

The mayor canceled.

In five, four, three, two... Trong 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

/faɪv/ /θriː/ /tuː/

Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.

You think I'm a loser? You're' right. I'm a loser.

/juː/ /θɪŋk/ /raɪt/

But at least I've accepted it.

/bʌt/ /liːst/ /ɪt/

A plucky raccoon has been cheering up patients

/hæz/ /ʌp/

at a local senior center.

/ˈloʊkl/ /ˈsiːniər/

I used to be just like that.

/biː/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

Always wanting more and never getting it.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /mɔːr/ /ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ɪt/

It's a dead end, Robin.

/dɛd/ /ɛnd/

You're never going to be a network anchor.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈnɛtwɜːk/

Just like you're never going to quit smoking.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kwɪt/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

I'm enjoying a cigarette.

/ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

Oh, that'll get you there.

/ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ðɛr/

Oh, that's good.

/ɡʊd/

You want a drag?

/juː/ /wɒnt/

Can we be professionals?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /biː/

Please? Yeah. Yeah, professionals?

/pliːz/

You know who's working the camera right now?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ˈkæmərə/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

A chair.

/tʃɛr/

We're on a show where we can't even get the cameraman to watch.

/ɒn/ /ʃoʊ/ /wɛr/ /wiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɡɛt/ /wɒtʃ/

That's why the mayor canceled, Robin.

/waɪ/

And that's why Mike is on a fried chicken run.

/ænd/ /waɪ/ /ɪz/ /ɒn/ /ˈtʃɪkɪn/ /rʌn/

And that's why you and I can enjoy a cigarette

/ænd/ /waɪ/ /juː/ /ænd/ /kæn/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

right here on the air.

/raɪt/ /hɪr/ /ɒn/ /ɛr/

No, thank you.

/noʊ/ /juː/

Why?

/waɪ/

Because of our millions and millions of impressionable viewers?

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /aʊər/ /ænd/

Okay... If any impressionable viewers have a problem with this,

/ɪf/ /ˈɛn.i/ /hæv/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /wɪð/

please give us a call. The number's on the screen.

/pliːz/ /ɡɪv/ /ʌs/ /kɔːl/ /ɒn/

Chirp, chirp? Chirp, chirp? Chip, chip? Chip, chip?

Come on, Robin... live a little.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /lɪv/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Oh, that must be Mike.

/ðæt/ /mʌst/ /biː/

He always forgets-- extra crispy. Hello?

/hiː/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ˈɛkstrə/

Robin, don't smoke that cigarette!

/smoʊk/ /ðæt/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

Marshall?! Marshall?

We're all watching and we're all very impressionable.

/ɔːl/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ɔːl/ /ˈvɛr.i/

And I swear to God, if you smoke that cigarette, we're all going to smoke.

/ænd/ /swɛər/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /smoʊk/ /ðæt/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ɔːl/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /smoʊk/

You guys are watching?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

: We sure are, sweetheart, and you look fabulous.

/wiː/ /ʃʊr/ /ænd/ /juː/ /lʊk/

Oh, you guys.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/

You don't have to do this, Robin. You don't have to smoke.

/juː/ /hæv/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /smoʊk/

Resist it, honey.

/ɪt/ /ˈhʌni/

Thanks for the call, guys.

/fɔːr/ /kɔːl/ /ɡaɪz/

Oh, she did it!

/ʃiː/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/

Good for her.

/ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/

We're not going to smoke.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /smoʊk/

I have a pack stashed up on the roof.

/hæv/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/ /ruːf/

I'm awake. And I'm smoking!

/əˈweɪk/ /ænd/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/

Robin, you know how dangerous it is to wake a sleep smoker?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /ˈdeɪndʒərəs/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /weɪk/ /sliːp/

It's fine.

/faɪn/

I bought a pack on my way home.

/bɔːt/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /weɪ/ /hoʊm/

Hey, great show, Robin.

/ɡreɪt/ /ʃoʊ/

LILY: Yeah, but that Don guy, what a tool.

/bʌt/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /wɒt/

Well, no, he actually apologized to me.

/wɛl/ /noʊ/ /hiː/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /miː/

No, I mean when he stood up.

/noʊ/ /miːn/ /wɛn/ /hiː/ /ʌp/

Those briefs were pretty revealing.

/ðoʊz/ /wɜːr/ /ˈprɪti/

You should date that guy.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /deɪt/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/

Yeah. Not in this lifetime.

NARRATOR: They were dating within two months.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /tuː/

But more on that later.

/bʌt/ /mɔːr/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /ˈleɪtər/

Hey, guys, look, the sun's coming up.

/ɡaɪz/ /lʊk/ /ʌp/

You know what right now is a perfect time for?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /taɪm/ /fɔːr/

A last cigarette ever.

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ˈɛv.ər/

No, I mean, a real last cigarette ever.

/noʊ/ /miːn/ /riːl/ /læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Damn it, let's do it.

/ɪt/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Okay.

All right. Last cigarette ever on, uh, on the count of three.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɒn/ /ɒn/ /kaʊnt/ /θriː/

One... Two...

/tuː/

Three. ...Ba

/θriː/

I wish I could tell you this was anyone's last

/wɪʃ/ /kʊd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒz/ /læst/

cigarette,but it wasn't.

/ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /bʌt/ /ɪt/

But we did eventually all quit smoking for real.

/bʌt/ /wiː/ /dɪd/ /ɔːl/ /kwɪt/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /fɔːr/ /riːl/

Robin's last cigarette was in June 2013.

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /wɒz/

Barney's last cigarette was in March 2017.

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /wɒz/

Lily's last cigarette was the day she started trying to get pregnant.

/læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /wɒz/ /deɪ/ /ʃiː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/

And Marshall's last cigarette was the day his son was born.

/ænd/ /læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/ /wɒz/ /deɪ/ /hɪz/ /sʌn/ /wɒz/ /bɔːrn/

And my last cigarette?

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /læst/ /ˌsɪɡəˈrɛt/

Two weeks into dating your mother.

/tuː/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

And i'm almost back.

/ænd/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /bæk/

I'm sorry I hit you, buddy.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /juː/ /ˈbʌdi/

I wanted to make it up to you, by giving you this.

/meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /juː/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /juː/

Wow, she's hot!

/hɒt/

Yeah. Well... some day, you're going to marry her.

/wɛl/ /sʌm/ /deɪ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈmæri/ /hɜːr/

No way.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/

We're pretty lucky.

/ˈprɪti/ /ˈlʌki/

Totally.

/ˈtoʊtəli/

I'll be in my tent.

/biː/ /maɪ/

Oh, no. Wait, hey! No, don't, don't do that.

/noʊ/ /weɪt/ /noʊ/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Well... Well...

/wɛl/ /wɛl/

have fun for me.

/hæv/ /fʌn/ /fɔːr/ /miː/