Season 6 · Tập 15

NARRATOR: Kids, after Uncle Marshall lost his father,

/kɪdz/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈʌŋkəl/ /lɒst/ /hɪz/ /ˈfɑː.ðər/

he decided to stay home a while to take care of his mother.

/hiː/ /steɪ/ /hoʊm/ /waɪl/ /teɪk/ /kɛr/ /hɪz/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

But the longer he stayed there,

/bʌt/ /ˈlɒŋɡər/ /hiː/ /ðɛr/

the more it was like he had never left Minnesota.

/mɔːr/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /laɪk/ /hiː/ /hæd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /lɛft/

Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking.

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/

Oh, that is too cute.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /kjuːt/

Say it again.

/seɪ/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛn/

No.

/noʊ/

It's called manners, jerk.

/dʒɜːrk/

Now, what's-what's going on in New York?

/naʊ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Give me something.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

There is one thing that's been going on.

/ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

Uh, it's about Ted... and Zoey.

/əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

to save an old building from being torn down

/seɪv/ /oʊld/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /daʊn/

and replaced by a new building that I'd been hired to design.

/ænd/ /njuː/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /haɪərd/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

And yet somehow, despite this,

/ænd/ /jɛt/

we had all managed to become friends.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /ɔːl/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /frɛndz/

Which brings us to the night

/wɪtʃ/ /brɪŋz/ /ʌs/ /naɪt/

Aunt Robin decided to cook dinner.

/ænt/ /kʊk/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

I thought the oven was Celsius.

/θɔːt/ /ˈʌvən/ /wɒz/

It's okay.

We got hot dogs.

/wiː/ /hɒt/ /dɒɡz/

Yeah, and it's not like you can screw up a hot dog.

/ænd/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /kæn/ /skruː/ /ʌp/ /hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/

Oh, God.

This is so good.

/ɪz/ /ɡʊd/

I'm gonna finish it in the bathroom.

/ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/ /ɪt/ /ˈbæθruːm/

Could someone pass the ketchup?

/kʊd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /pæs/

I hope I can pass this hot dog.

/hoʊp/ /kæn/ /pæs/ /hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/

Oh.

Oops. Well, looks like someone's

/wɛl/ /laɪk/

going out in the cold to get more ketchup.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /koʊld/ /ɡɛt/ /mɔːr/

Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /mæn/ /waɪn/

Which is all gone.

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /ɡɔːn/

Oops.

All right, I tell you what--

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/

you get this one bottle, I'll get the next three.

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈbɒtəl/ /ɡɛt/ /nɛkst/ /θriː/

Hmm, tell you what-- no dice.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /noʊ/

I'll get the next hundred.

/ɡɛt/ /nɛkst/ /ˈhʌndrəd/

You're not getting out of this.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /aʊt/

You want to go on a date with my hot cousin?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /hɒt/ /ˈkʌzɪn/

I'll get the ketchup.

/ɡɛt/

Transcript by Addic7ed.com Translate by Vymuop Transcript by Addic7ed.com

/kɒm/ /kɒm/

www.addic7ed.com www.addic7ed.com

/kɒm/ /kɒm/

Robin, I just want you to know,

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /noʊ/

it's either this story you're telling me or another game

/ˈiː.ðər/ /ˈstɔːri/ /miː/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ɡeɪm/

of Clue against myself, so make it good.

/əˈɡɛnst/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ɡʊd/

Oh, it's good.

/ɡʊd/

You see, after that night,

/juː/ /siː/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/

none of us heard from Zoey for a while.

/nʌn/ /ʌs/ /hɜːrd/ /fɔːr/ /waɪl/

Finally, Ted called her up. Hello.

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/

So are we ever gonna see you again?

/wiː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /siː/ /juː/ /əˈɡɛn/

Because, if I recall correctly,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪf/

you owe me a date with your hot cousin.

/juː/ /miː/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /hɒt/ /ˈkʌzɪn/

You still want to do that?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Yes. And we miss you.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /mɪs/ /juː/

But the cousin thing mostly. Let's get that going.

/bʌt/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /θɪŋ/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Don't worry, Ted, she's cute.

/ˈwʌri/ /kjuːt/

"Cute" means "fat""

/kjuːt/ /fæt/

She's not fat.

/fæt/

: "Not fat" means "ugly""

/fæt/ /ˈʌɡli/

Oh, here she is.

/hɪr/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/

: I take back everything I said.

/teɪk/ /bæk/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /sɛd/

That girl is extremely attractive.

/ðæt/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ɪz/ /ɪkˈstriːmli/

Hey, Zoey. Hey.

Ted, this is my cousin...

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈkʌzɪn/

NARRATOR: Kids, to be honest,

/kɪdz/ /biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/

I don't quite remember this girl's name.

/kwaɪt/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /neɪm/

None of us do,

/nʌn/ /ʌs/ /duː/

because as this story has been told and retold,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈstɔːri/ /hæz/ /toʊld/ /ænd/

we've always just referred to her as...

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /hɜːr/

Honey.

/ˈhʌni/

Hi, Honey, I'm Ted.

/ˈhʌni/

And here's why.

/ænd/ /waɪ/

She is a lovely person--

/ʃiː/ /ɪz/ /ˈlʌvli/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

warm, intelligent, just kind of gullible.

/wɔːrm/ /dʒʌst/ /kaɪnd/

It's like, every word

/laɪk/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /wɜːrd/

out of her mouth makes you want to be like,

/aʊt/ /hɜːr/ /maʊθ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /laɪk/

"Oh, honey."

/ˈhʌni/

Interesting.

/ˈɪn.trɪ.stɪŋ/

Show your work.

/ʃoʊ/ /jʊr/ /wɜːrk/

My apartment building is so safe.

/maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /seɪf/

My landlord-- he even installed a security camera in my shower.

/maɪ/ /hiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /sɪˈkjʊərɪti/ /ˈkæmərə/ /maɪ/ /ˈʃaʊər/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

Maybe I should feel weird about giving a stranger

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃʊd/ /fiːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/

my Social Security number,

/maɪ/ /ˈsoʊʃəl/ /sɪˈkjʊərɪti/ /ˈnʌmbər/

but the guy's a Nigerian prince.

/bʌt/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

I just had a great TV audition.

/dʒʌst/ /hæd/ /ɡreɪt/

Behind the KFC where the executive producer works

/bɪˈhaɪnd/ /wɛr/ /wɜːrks/

on the weekends.

/ɒn/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

Long story short, I'm going to be on Lost.

/lɔːŋ/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ʃɔːrt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ɒn/ /lɒst/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

I know.

/noʊ/

You just want to wrap her up in a blanket

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /hɜːr/ /ʌp/

and give her a cup of tea.

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /hɜːr/ /kʌp/

She's, like, this

/laɪk/

little lost lamb

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /lɒst/

who needs to be protected from the wolves.

/huː/ /biː/

Speaking of whom...

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/

Yeah, I always get those e- mails from Michelle Obama

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /ɡɛt/ /ðoʊz/

and sometimes Obama himself.

/ænd/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /hɪmˈsɛlf/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

ROBIN: So the night went on,

/naɪt/ /wɛnt/ /ɒn/

and eventually everyone went home,

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɛnt/ /hoʊm/

except for Ted and Honey.

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /fɔːr/ /ænd/ /ˈhʌni/

Wow, an architect.

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

How fascinating.

/haʊ/

Why do they call 'em coasters?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /ðeɪ/ /kɔːl/

And Barney.

/ænd/

Okay, time to go home.

/taɪm/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/

Ted, a word.

/wɜːrd/

God, I hate these situations.

/heɪt/ /ðiːz/

What are we gonna do about this?

/wɒt/ /wiː/ /duː/ /əˈbaʊt/

What are you talking about?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/

Come on, Ted, it's obvious.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈɒbviəs/

Honey's vibing on me.

/ɒn/ /miː/

What?

/wɒt/

It's called body language.

/ˈbɒdi/ /ˈlæŋ.ɡwɪdʒ/

Remember when she was touching your arm

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /wɛn/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/

and leaning in real close? Mm-hmm.

/ænd/ /riːl/ /kloʊs/

Well, while that was happening, the straw in her drink

/wɛl/ /waɪl/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /hɜːr/ /drɪŋk/

was pointed right at me.

/wɒz/ /raɪt/ /miː/

I mean...

/miːn/

that's as clear as a signal gets,

/klɪər/ /ɡɛts/

so...

I'm so sorry, man.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /mæn/

You're right.

/raɪt/

She's all yours, buddy.

/ɔːl/ /jɔːrz/ /ˈbʌdi/

I'd say hump her brains out,

/seɪ/ /hɜːr/ /aʊt/

but someone obviously already has.

/bʌt/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈɒbviəsli/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /hæz/

ROBIN: Good for you.

/ɡʊd/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Ted Mosby does not take advantage

/dʌz/ /teɪk/

of poor, helpless honeys.

/pʊr/

Yeah, actually, there's another reason

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈriːzən/

that I didn't go home with her.

/ðæt/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

He's gay!

Mom, hang up!

/mɒm/ /ʌp/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Go on.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/

Yeah, actually, there's another reason

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈriːzən/

that I didn't go home with her.

/ðæt/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

I'm in love with Zoey.

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

Oh, my God.

/maɪ/

Oh, my God!

/maɪ/

Mom!

/mɒm/

Sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Ted's in love with Zoey?

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

But, but she's married.

/bʌt/ /bʌt/ /ˈmærid/

That boy needs an intervention.

/ðæt/ /bɔɪ/

Funny you should say that.

/ˈfʌn.i/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/

Does anyone know why we're here?

/dʌz/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/ /hɪr/

LILY: Yeah, who called this intervention?

/huː/

I did. It's for me.

/dɪd/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

This is about the coffee breath.

/ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /brɛθ/

Finally. Hmm, no, it's the shoulder hair.

/ˈfaɪnəli/ /noʊ/ /hɛr/

BARNEY: Guys, just let

/ɡaɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛt/

the man explain how it's all

/mæn/ /ɪkˈspleɪn/ /haʊ/ /ɔːl/

about his wearing a lady's watch.

/əˈbaʊt/ /hɪz/ /wɒtʃ/

It's because I'm in love with Zoey,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

and she's married,

/ænd/ /ˈmærid/

so it needs to stop.

/ɪt/ /stɒp/

And... intervene.

/ænd/

Are you sure it's love?

/juː/ /ʃʊr/ /lʌv/

Remember the ketchup bottle?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ˈbɒtəl/

She wasn't the one who dropped it.

/ʃiː/ /huː/ /ɪt/

When she reached for it, our fingers touched, and...

/wɛn/ /ʃiː/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /aʊər/ /ˈfɪŋɡərz/ /ænd/

I knew, right in that moment, this isn't friendship.

/njuː/ /raɪt/ /ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /ˈfrɛndʃɪp/

This is love.

/ɪz/ /lʌv/

Wuss.

Marcus! Marcus!

This is a private conversation!

/ɪz/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/ /ˌkɒn.vərˈseɪ.ʃən/

So what'd the wuss do next?

/duː/ /nɛkst/

This is love.

/ɪz/ /lʌv/

And this was my grandmother's watch.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /wɒtʃ/

Anyway, now I have only one course of action in front of me:

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /naʊ/ /hæv/ /ˈoʊnli/ /kɔːrs/ /ˈæk.ʃən/ /miː/

I have to end my friendship with Zoey.

/hæv/ /ɛnd/ /maɪ/ /ˈfrɛndʃɪp/ /wɪð/

Isn't that a little harsh?

/ðæt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /hɑːrʃ/

Harsh?

/hɑːrʃ/

Robin, a single guy

/ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ɡaɪ/

and a married woman cannot be friends

/ænd/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /biː/ /frɛndz/

if one's in love with the other.

/ɪf/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Yeah, but Zoey is friends with us now, too.

/bʌt/ /ɪz/ /frɛndz/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /naʊ/

It's not like Ted can just ghost out on her.

/laɪk/ /kæn/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊst/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/

She'll always be around.

/ˈɔːl.weɪz/ /biː/ /əˈraʊnd/

Then what am I supposed to do?

/ðɛn/ /wɒt/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /duː/

Okay, just shut it down.

/dʒʌst/ /ʃʌt/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/

Okay, just ignore your feelings.

/dʒʌst/ /ɪɡˈnɔːr/ /jʊr/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

If-If she asks you for ketchup,

/ʃiː/ /juː/ /fɔːr/

tell her to get it her own damn self.

/tɛl/ /hɜːr/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /hɜːr/ /oʊn/

Look, I like Zoey. Without her,

/lʊk/ /laɪk/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /hɜːr/

my dinner party wouldn't have been such a success.

/maɪ/ /ˈdɪn.ər/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /hæv/ /sʌtʃ/

So those feelings of yours--

/ðoʊz/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /jɔːrz/

shut 'em down.

/ʃʌt/ /daʊn/

Fine.

/faɪn/

I'll shut 'em down.

/ʃʌt/ /daʊn/

And seriously, mouthwash after coffee.

/ænd/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈkɔː.fi/

Oh, um, that's my other line.

/maɪ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /laɪn/

It's not a number I recognize.

/ˈnʌmbər/

So don't answer it.

/ˈæn.sər/ /ɪt/

Yeah.

: Oh, my God,

/maɪ/

you are so Minnesota.

/juː/

You can't not answer the phone

/juː/ /ˈæn.sər/ /foʊn/

because it would be rude.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ruːd/

Well, it would be.

/wɛl/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

Good-bye.

Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking.

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/

Hey, Marshall.

Barney. Barney.

W- What number is this?

/wɒt/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ɪz/

I'm up on burners, playa.

/ʌp/ /ɒn/

Too many crazies had my old number,

/ˈmɛn.i/ /hæd/ /maɪ/ /oʊld/ /ˈnʌmbər/

so now I'm all about disposable cell phones.

/naʊ/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/

I'll use one for a while, have my fun,

/juːz/ /fɔːr/ /waɪl/ /hæv/ /maɪ/ /fʌn/

then dump it and get a new one.

/ðɛn/ /dʌmp/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /njuː/

And then I'll do the same with my phone.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /duː/ /seɪm/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/

Hey, uh, so Robin told me about this whole Ted and Zoey thing.

/toʊld/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hoʊl/ /ænd/ /θɪŋ/

Dude, she doesn't know how to tell a story.

/ʃiː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /tɛl/ /ˈstɔːri/

I'll tell you that story.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /ˈstɔːri/

Hey, Zoey.

Hey.

Ted, this is my cousin...

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈkʌzɪn/

Honey.

/ˈhʌni/

MARSHALL: Uh...

Robin's version was...

/ˈvɜːrʒən/ /wɒz/

That is exactly how it happened.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /haʊ/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/

So Ted did his best

/dɪd/ /hɪz/ /bɛst/

to impress her, but as per yoozh,

/hɜːr/ /bʌt/

he bored the pants very much on her.

/hiː/ /bɔːrd/ /pænts/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /mʌtʃ/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/

Blah, blah, blah, I'm an architect.

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Blah, blah, blah, I don't wear suits.

/wɛr/

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Wow, an architect.

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

How fascinating.

/haʊ/

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Rambling architecture anecdote.

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Blah, blah, Blah, blah,

something about a bridge.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah, blah...

: Straw.

: Coaster.

Okay, time to go home.

/taɪm/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/

Anyway, I get Honey back to her place.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈhʌni/ /bæk/ /hɜːr/ /pleɪs/

Who's your daddy?

/jʊr/ /ˈdædi/

Okay, can we skip this part, please?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /skɪp/ /pɑːrt/ /pliːz/

Sure, I'll just summarize it.

/ʃʊr/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪt/

Okay, that's been

going on a while.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /waɪl/

Only way I know how.

/ˈoʊnli/ /weɪ/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/

Any-who, next day, I'm going into work.

/nɛkst/ /deɪ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɜːrk/

I run into Zoey. Hey, Zoey.

/rʌn/

That cousin of yours-- Honey-- yowsa!

/ðæt/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /jɔːrz/ /ˈhʌni/

I must say, your family tree has got a couple

/mʌst/ /seɪ/ /jʊr/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/ /triː/ /hæz/ /ˈkʌpəl/

of pretty big coconuts.

/ˈprɪti/ /bɪɡ/

Thanks.

Yeah, we had a great time last night.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /ɡreɪt/ /taɪm/ /læst/ /naɪt/

And then just hand stuff in the morning, so...

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /dʒʌst/ /hænd/ /stʌf/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Wait, she didn't go home with Ted?

/weɪt/ /ʃiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/ /wɪð/

Nope, he let me have her.

/hiː/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /hæv/ /hɜːr/

I have to say, it was pretty noble of him.

/hæv/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈprɪti/ /hɪm/

He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine.

/hiː/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /kʊd/ /fɔːl/ /ɒn/ /maɪn/

I won't bore you with the details, but to summarize...

/juː/ /wɪð/ /bʌt/

She hugged me.

/ʃiː/ /miː/

What was that all about?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/

Zoey's in love with Ted.

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

Marcus! Marcus!

Wait, hear me out, Marshall.

/weɪt/ /hɪr/ /miː/ /aʊt/

Zoey's in love with Ted, but she's married,

/lʌv/ /wɪð/ /bʌt/ /ˈmærid/

so she tried to push him away

/ʃiː/ /pʊʃ/ /hɪm/ /əˈweɪ/

by setting him up with her cousin instead.

/hɪm/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /ɪnˈstɛd/

But seeing Ted and Honey hit it off was

/bʌt/ /ænd/ /ˈhʌni/ /ɪt/ /ɒf/ /wɒz/

more than her gentle heart could bear,

/mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /hɜːr/ /ˈdʒɛntl/ /hɑːrt/ /kʊd/ /bɛr/

so Zoey left early, pricked by love's fickle thorn.

/lɛft/ /ˈɜːr.li/

But then, the next morning, upon learning

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /nɛkst/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

that Ted had not tasted of Honey's sweet nectar,

/ðæt/ /hæd/ /swiːt/

her joy burst forth like a blossoming flower in spring.

/hɜːr/ /laɪk/ /ˈflaʊ.ər/ /sprɪŋ/

Wow.

Zoey's in love with Ted.

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

Oh, Marshall, I stopped by that new doughnut shop Hertz Donuts.

/ðæt/ /njuː/ /ʃɒp/

Would you like a Hertz Donut?

/wʊd/ /juː/ /laɪk/

Sure.

/ʃʊr/

Hey, where's the...?

No! Aah!

/noʊ/

Hurts, don't it?

/hɜːrts/ /ɪt/

I can't believe you fell for that, bro.

/bɪˈliːv/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/ /broʊ/

So Ted's in love with Zoey

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

and Zoey's in love with Ted?

/ænd/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

Well, that-that's not going to work.

/wɛl/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɜːrk/

I got to call Ted.

/kɔːl/

Hello.

Listen, Ted, um,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I got to tell you something about Zoey.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

Yeah, yeah. I need to tell you something about Zoey, too.

/niːd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

Hey. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up

/wɒz/ /ænd/ /θɔːt/ /teɪk/ /juː/ /ʌp/

on that beer you're about to offer me.

/ɒn/ /ðæt/ /bɪər/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɒfər/ /miː/

Can I get you a beer?

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /bɪər/

Oh, Ted, I'm so busy.

/ˈbɪzi/

But I guess I got time for one.

/bʌt/ /ɡɛs/ /taɪm/ /fɔːr/

Lead the way.

/liːd/ /weɪ/

: Oh, my God.

/maɪ/

What?!

/wɒt/

Fridge full of ketchup? How?

/frɪdʒ/ /fʊl/ /haʊ/

How, I ask you?

/haʊ/ /æsk/ /juː/

What?

/wɒt/

Listen, Zoey, I, um...

/ˈlɪs.ən/

I need to tell you something.

/niːd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Um...

Marshall, I'm going to Byerly's. You want anything?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Mom! Get off the phone!

/mɒm/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒf/ /foʊn/

Could you get some more Bugles, please?

/kʊd/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /sʌm/ /mɔːr/ /pliːz/

Of course, dear.

/kɔːrs/ /dɪər/

Marcus, hang up!

/ʌp/

Both of you, hang up!

/boʊθ/ /juː/ /ʌp/

And we need ice cream.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /niːd/ /aɪs/ /kriːm/

Go on.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/

I, uh... I can't be friends with you anymore.

/biː/ /frɛndz/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

And this may seem strange, but...

/ænd/ /meɪ/ /siːm/ /streɪndʒ/ /bʌt/

you can't ask me why.

/juː/ /æsk/ /miː/ /waɪ/

Wow.

Okay.

And that was it.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/

No more Zoey.

/noʊ/ /mɔːr/

Oh. Hey, buddy, that's Lily.

/ˈbʌdi/

I should take that.

/ʃʊd/ /teɪk/ /ðæt/

But, uh,

/bʌt/

you're a good guy, Ted.

/ɡʊd/ /ɡaɪ/

Hey, baby.

/ˈbeɪbi/

We hate Ted now.

/wiː/ /heɪt/ /naʊ/

Get on board or the sexting stops.

/ɡɛt/ /ɒn/ /bɔːrd/

Ted's a son of a bitch!

/sʌn/

Oh, nice.

/naɪs/

But, hey, um, baby, go easy on Ted, okay?

/bʌt/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈiː.zi/ /ɒn/

He just, he just ended things with Zoey.

/hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hiː/ /dʒʌst/ /θɪŋz/ /wɪð/

Oh, I know.

/noʊ/

But did he tell you the whole story?

/bʌt/ /dɪd/ /hiː/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /hoʊl/ /ˈstɔːri/

I, uh, I can't be friends with you anymore.

/biː/ /frɛndz/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

And you can't ask me why.

/ænd/ /juː/ /æsk/ /miː/ /waɪ/

Why?

/waɪ/

Lily hates you.

/heɪts/ /juː/

You hate me?

/juː/ /heɪt/ /miː/

That's crazy. I don't hate you.

/ˈkreɪzi/ /heɪt/ /juː/

Well, I know that's not true, Lily. Ted told me everything.

/wɛl/ /noʊ/ /truː/ /toʊld/ /miː/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

He... Oh, really?

/hiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

And-And what did Ted say, exactly?

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /seɪ/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/

Lily hates you.

/heɪts/ /juː/

She hates you so much

/ʃiː/ /heɪts/ /juː/ /mʌtʃ/

it's hard to be around you.

/hɑːrd/ /biː/ /əˈraʊnd/ /juː/

So we can't be friends.

/wiː/ /biː/ /frɛndz/

Oh, he... Oh, yeah.

/hiː/

Yeah, okay, well,

/wɛl/

I- I guess there's no use hiding it anymore.

/ɡɛs/ /noʊ/ /juːz/ /ɪt/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

I- I hate you.

/heɪt/ /juː/

Bitch.

I can't believe it.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ɪt/

I really thought you and I were friends.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɔːt/ /juː/ /ænd/ /wɜːr/ /frɛndz/

Lord knows I could

/kʊd/

use a friend right now.

/juːz/ /frɛnd/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I've been going through some pretty difficult stuff.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /sʌm/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /stʌf/

Difficult stuff? What difficult stuff?

/ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /stʌf/ /wɒt/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /stʌf/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

Well, you did the right thing, baby.

/wɛl/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /raɪt/ /θɪŋ/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Not entirely.

Zoey, wait! Zoey, khoan!

/weɪt/

I don't hate you!

/heɪt/ /juː/

We just

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/

can't be friends anymore because...

/biː/ /frɛndz/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

Robin hates you.

/heɪts/ /juː/

And that's Robin on the other line.

/ænd/ /ɒn/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /laɪn/

Oh, well, I'll let you take that.

/wɛl/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /ðæt/

Love you, baby!

/lʌv/ /juː/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Eriksen residence, Marshall speaking.

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/

Listen, Robin. I know. I apologize for my wife.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /noʊ/ /əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/ /fɔːr/ /maɪ/ /waɪf/

She never should have...

/ʃiː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/

Yeah, I told Zoey you hate her.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /heɪt/ /hɜːr/

Me?

/miː/

You dragged me into this?!

/juː/ /miː/

You just went through a tragedy.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/ /wɛnt/ /θruː/

It's not like she's gonna call you up and...

/laɪk/ /kɔːl/ /juː/ /ʌp/ /ænd/

Oh, God, that's my other line.

/maɪ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /laɪn/

Oh, God, it's a 917 number, and I don't recognize it!

/ˈnʌmbər/ /ænd/ /ɪt/

I think it's Zoey!

/θɪŋk/

Just don't answer it.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɪt/

I can't not answer. It's impolite.

/ˈæn.sər/

Marshall, you can beat this. I can't turn my back

/juː/ /kæn/ /biːt/ /tɜːrn/ /maɪ/ /bæk/

on politeness. You don't have to answer.

/ɒn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈæn.sər/

You can just let it ring. Good manners are what

/juː/ /kæn/ /dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /ɪt/ /rɪŋ/ /ɡʊd/ /wɒt/

separate us from those "elbows on the table" Wisconsinites.

/ʌs/ /ðoʊz/ /ɒn/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

You can do this. I believe in you.

/juː/ /kæn/ /duː/ /bɪˈliːv/ /juː/

Don't do it, Marshall! I'm sorry, Robin!

/duː/ /ɪt/ /ˈsɒr.i/

Eriksen residence. Marshall speaking.

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/

Hi. I spent the night with your friend Barney

/naɪt/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /frɛnd/

and he accidentally left his phone

/ænd/ /hiː/ /lɛft/ /hɪz/ /foʊn/

in my apartment, in the garbage.

/maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ˈɡɑːrbɪdʒ/

But I've been

/bʌt/

going through all of his contacts

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/ /ɔːl/ /hɪz/

because I'm sure he wants to get in touch with me.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ʃʊr/ /hiː/ /ɡɛt/ /tʌtʃ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

After all, he told me, uh...

/ˈæf.tər/ /ɔːl/ /hiː/ /toʊld/ /miː/

I was his first.

/wɒz/ /hɪz/ /fɜːrst/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

Oh! Honey!

/ˈhʌni/

Zoey's cousin.

/ˈkʌzɪn/

Hi.

Listen, um, about Barney...

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /əˈbaʊt/

Oh, yeah. He's such a sweet guy.

/sʌtʃ/ /swiːt/ /ɡaɪ/

Who's your daddy?

/jʊr/ /ˈdædi/

: Oh...

Who's your daddy?

/jʊr/ /ˈdædi/

: I don't know.

/noʊ/

I guess he recently decided to get in touch with his dad.

/ɡɛs/ /hiː/ /ˈriːsəntli/ /ɡɛt/ /tʌtʃ/ /wɪð/ /hɪz/ /dæd/

His mom gave him the guy's address.

/hɪz/ /mɒm/ /ɡeɪv/ /hɪm/

So I wrote him a letter.

/roʊt/ /hɪm/ /ˈlɛt.ər/

And I poured my heart out.

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /hɑːrt/ /aʊt/

And I gave him my number and I told him to call me.

/ænd/ /ɡeɪv/ /hɪm/ /maɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/ /ænd/ /toʊld/ /hɪm/ /kɔːl/ /miː/

And he still hasn't called me.

/ænd/ /hiː/ /miː/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

I mean, I shouldn't be surprised.

/miːn/ /biː/ /sərˈpraɪzd/

Clearly, he wants nothing to do with me.

/ˈklɪərli/ /hiː/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /duː/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Oh, honey.

/ˈhʌni/

I mean,

/miːn/

why else would he let 30 years go by?

/waɪ/ /ɛls/ /wʊd/ /hiː/ /lɛt/ /ɡoʊ/

He's ashamed

to have me as a son.

/hæv/ /miː/ /sʌn/

Oh, honey, he's not ashamed of you.

/ˈhʌni/ /juː/

He's ashamed of himself.

/hɪmˈsɛlf/

I mean, look at you.

/miːn/ /lʊk/ /juː/

You're do so great without him.

/duː/ /ɡreɪt/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /hɪm/

I mean, you have an airline

/miːn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛərlaɪn/

and three Nobel Prizes,

/ænd/ /θriː/

and you play for the Yankees.

/ænd/ /juː/ /pleɪ/ /fɔːr/

Four. Four Nobel Prizes.

Four. See?

/siː/

That is impressive.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

I mean, how many does he have?

/miːn/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /dʌz/ /hiː/ /hæv/

Only three.

/ˈoʊnli/ /θriː/

Well, there you go.

/wɛl/ /ðɛr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Hey, uh, listen, Honey, while I've got you,

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /ˈhʌni/ /waɪl/ /juː/

do you have any idea what kind of difficult stuff

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛn.i/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈdɪfɪkʌlt/ /stʌf/

Zoey's been going through?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /θruː/

Oh, I can't tell you about that.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðæt/

The only people that are allowed to know

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/

are me, Zoey and her therapist.

/miː/ /ænd/ /hɜːr/

I am her therapist.

/hɜːr/

Oh! Well, in that case...

/wɛl/ /ðæt/

Uh, okay, listen, I think we've made great progress for today.

/ˈlɪs.ən/ /θɪŋk/ /ɡreɪt/ /fɔːr/ /təˈdeɪ/

I got to go. Bye.

/ɡoʊ/ /baɪ/

Mom! Marcus!

/mɒm/

What's this really about?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/

I told you.

/toʊld/ /juː/

Lily hates you.

/heɪts/ /juː/

I think you hate me.

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /heɪt/ /miː/

I think you have some big problem with me,

/θɪŋk/ /juː/ /hæv/ /sʌm/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /wɪð/ /miː/

and you're too chicken to come out and say it.

/ænd/ /ˈtʃɪkɪn/ /kʌm/ /aʊt/ /ænd/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/

All right.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/

Yes.

I... hate you.

/heɪt/ /juː/

Great.

/ɡreɪt/

See?

/siː/

Was that so hard?

/wɒz/ /ðæt/ /hɑːrd/

Zoey. Zoey.

Can you at least tell me why?

/kæn/ /juː/ /liːst/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /waɪ/

Because I'm racking my brain here,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /maɪ/ /breɪn/ /hɪr/

and I thought...

/ænd/ /θɔːt/

I just want to know why.

/dʒʌst/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/

So we got Ted and Zoey. Ted is in love with Zoey.

/wiː/ /ænd/ /ɪz/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/

Zoey has no idea.

/hæz/ /noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

Then Zoey's cousin Honey went home with Barney,

/ðɛn/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /ˈhʌni/ /wɛnt/ /hoʊm/ /wɪð/

and Zoey was happy about it.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /ˈhæp.i/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Which tells us what?

/wɪtʃ/ /ʌs/ /wɒt/

Zoey's in love with...

/lʌv/ /wɪð/

Zoey's in love with Ted and Ted doesn't know.

/lʌv/ /wɪð/ /ænd/ /noʊ/

So Ted and Zoey-- they're in love with each other,

/ænd/ /lʌv/ /wɪð/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

which would be fine if Zoey wasn't

/wɪtʃ/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /faɪn/ /ɪf/

married to Colonel Mustard.

/ˈmærid/

I mean, The Captain.

/miːn/ /ˈkæptɪn/

Except now, as Honey informs me...

/ɪkˈsɛpt/ /naʊ/ /ˈhʌni/ /miː/

And we miss you.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /mɪs/ /juː/

But the cousin thing mostly.

/bʌt/ /ˈkʌzɪn/ /θɪŋ/

Let's get that going.

/ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Fine, I will, uh, make it happen.

/faɪn/ /wɪl/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpən/

Good-bye.

Okay. Well...

/wɛl/

I guess I'll take it.

/ɡɛs/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/

Zoey and The Captain are getting divorced.

/ænd/ /ˈkæptɪn/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /dɪˈvɔːrst/

Which means...?

/wɪtʃ/

So help me, Marshall,

/hɛlp/ /miː/

if you don't call those two crazy, mixed-up kids, I will.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kɔːl/ /ðoʊz/ /tuː/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /kɪdz/ /wɪl/

Give me that phone.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /foʊn/

Why do I hate you?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /heɪt/ /juː/

Are you kidding?

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

Uh, you're actively trying to prevent me

/prɪˈvɛnt/ /miː/

from realizing a lifelong dream.

/driːm/

So there's that.

/ðæt/

Plus, you're stubborn

/plʌs/ /ˈstʌbərn/

and-and-and argumentative.

And what kind of name is Zoey, huh?

/ænd/ /wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

What is that, short for Zoseph?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ʃɔːrt/ /fɔːr/

Go on, get it.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

I'll have more in a second.

/hæv/ /mɔːr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

Hello.

Oh, hey, Marshall.

Yes, I am.