Season 7 · Tập 18

Kids, 2012 started out kind of crazy.

/kɪdz/ /aʊt/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Barney met a girl named Quinn,

/ɡɜːrl/ /neɪmd/

Kevin unproposed to Robin,

I told Robin...

/toʊld/

I love you, Robin.

/lʌv/ /juː/

When I asked if she

/wɛn/ /ɪf/ /ʃiː/

loved me back, she said...

/lʌvd/ /miː/ /bæk/ /ʃiː/ /sɛd/

No. Ko

/noʊ/

Marshall told Robin...

/toʊld/

You got to move out.

/juː/ /muːv/ /aʊt/

And Robin did.

/ænd/ /dɪd/

I can't even open her bedroom door anymore.

/ˈiːvən/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /hɜːr/ /ˈbɛdruːm/ /dɔːr/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Why do I have to be so sensitive?

/waɪ/ /duː/ /hæv/ /biː/ /ˈsɛnsɪtɪv/

I don't know, bro.

/noʊ/ /broʊ/

Look at me and that Quinn chick.

/lʊk/ /miː/ /ænd/ /ðæt/ /tʃɪk/

You don't hear me prattling on

/juː/ /hɪr/ /miː/ /ɒn/

about how beautiful her smile is,

/əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /ˈbjuː.tɪ.fəl/ /hɜːr/ /smaɪl/ /ɪz/

how her hair is like a waterfall of honey-colored silk,

/haʊ/ /hɜːr/ /hɛr/ /ɪz/ /laɪk/

how her eyes are like a warm South Sea

/haʊ/ /hɜːr/ /aɪz/ /laɪk/ /wɔːrm/ /siː/

kissed by the fire and gold of sunrise.

/kɪst/ /faɪər/ /ænd/

I don't even remember what she looks like.

/ˈiːvən/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /wɒt/ /ʃiː/ /laɪk/

Dude, you obviously like her. Can't you read

/juː/ /ˈɒbviəsli/ /laɪk/ /hɜːr/ /juː/ /riːd/

between the lines, Ted?

/bɪˈtwiːn/

I obviously like her.

/ˈɒbviəsli/ /laɪk/ /hɜːr/

How did this happen to me?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /ˈhæpən/ /miː/

When did I become such a gooey romantic?

/wɛn/ /dɪd/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /sʌtʃ/ /roʊˈmæntɪk/

Look, I think it's healthy

/lʊk/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈhɛlθi/

that you have real feelings for a woman

/ðæt/ /juː/ /hæv/ /riːl/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /fɔːr/ /ˈwʊm.ən/

instead of just seeing her as an object.

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /dʒʌst/ /hɜːr/ /ˈɒb.dʒɪkt/

Switch?

/swɪtʃ/

Sure.

/ʃʊr/

But why Quinn?

/bʌt/ /waɪ/

I mean, you spent one night with her,

/miːn/ /juː/ /naɪt/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

and she was kind of mean.

/ænd/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /kaɪnd/ /miːn/

We just connected.

/wiː/ /dʒʌst/

Emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

So, mind-blowing sex?

/sɛks/

Mind-blowing sex!

/sɛks/

For an hour afterwards, I couldn't uncross my eyes.

/fɔːr/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /maɪ/ /aɪz/

Which was awesome, because when I went back for seconds,

/wɪtʃ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɛn/ /wɛnt/ /bæk/ /fɔːr/

it was like having a three-way with twins.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /laɪk/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /wɪð/

So... call her.

/kɔːl/ /hɜːr/

I would if I knew how to get in touch with her,

/wʊd/ /ɪf/ /njuː/ /haʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /tʌtʃ/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/

but I can't, and it's driving me crazy.

/bʌt/ /ænd/ /ˈdraɪvɪŋ/ /miː/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Everywhere I look, I see her.

/ˈɛvriwɛr/ /lʊk/ /siː/ /hɜːr/

I see her walking on the street;

/siː/ /hɜːr/ /ɒn/ /striːt/

I see her shopping in the store;

/siː/ /hɜːr/ /stɔːr/

I see her dancing on that pole.

/siː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

I see her dancing on that pole, too.

/siː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈdænsɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

Oh, my God, that's Quinn.

/maɪ/

Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.

/ɡɪv/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/

I really appreciate you guys taking me in.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /miː/

I mean,

/miːn/

I'm homeless,

things between me and Ted are still kind of weird.

/θɪŋz/ /bɪˈtwiːn/ /miː/ /ænd/ /kaɪnd/

So, it's nice to be around friends.

/naɪs/ /biː/ /əˈraʊnd/ /frɛndz/

Well, stay as long as you want, sweetie.

/wɛl/ /steɪ/ /lɔːŋ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ˈswiːti/

Oh, thank you.

/juː/

Mm. Mm.

Now, I got you a journal.

/naʊ/ /juː/ /ˈdʒɜːrnəl/

I know this sounds lame,

/noʊ/

but it really helps work through stuff to write about it.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɜːrk/ /θruː/ /stʌf/ /raɪt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Oh.

"Dear Diary. The fantasies of killing Marshall's mom

/dɪər/ /ˈkɪlɪŋ/ /mɒm/

"have become more vivid.

/hæv/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /mɔːr/

Today, I scalped her with a .."" Whoops,

/təˈdeɪ/ /hɜːr/ /wɪð/

that one's mine.

/ðæt/ /maɪn/

You are going to have so much fun here.

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /mʌtʃ/ /fʌn/ /hɪr/

Oh, guys, please, do not feel like you have to keep me entertained.

/ɡaɪz/ /pliːz/ /duː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /hæv/ /kiːp/ /miː/

Well, you shouldn't have come to East Meadow, Long Island,

/wɛl/ /juː/ /hæv/ /kʌm/ /iːst/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

Robin, if you didn't want to be entertained.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/

Really? I didn't think there was a ton to do here.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /duː/ /hɪr/

Oh, apparently, someone hasn't heard

/ˈsʌmwʌn/ /hɜːrd/

of the Uniondale Miniatures Museum.

/mjuˈziːəm/

You'll come for the 19th century thimble art,

/kʌm/ /fɔːr/ /ɑːrt/

but you'll stay for the Dutch masters on bottle caps.

/bʌt/ /steɪ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈmæstərz/ /ɒn/ /ˈbɒtəl/

Plus,

/plʌs/

you'll be bowling with two

/biː/ /ˈboʊlɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /tuː/

charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats.

/iːst/

"We're a hot dog eating team

/hɒt/ /dɔːɡ/ /ˈiː.tɪŋ/ /tiːm/

with a bowling problem."

/wɪð/ /ˈboʊlɪŋ/ /ˈprɒbləm/

Shirley Shirley

came up with that one.

/ʌp/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Great bowler, Shirley.

/ɡreɪt/

She hit 280 the other day.

/ʃiː/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /deɪ/

Unfortunately, that was on her bathroom scale.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /ˈbæθruːm/

When Robin moved out,

/wɛn/ /aʊt/

there was a hole in my life

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

in the shape of an empty bedroom.

/ʃeɪp/ /ˈɛmpti/ /ˈbɛdruːm/

I filled it with a new hobby.

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /njuː/ /ˈhɒbi/

What are you doing in my old room?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /maɪ/ /oʊld/ /ruːm/

This room being empty was bumming me out,

/ruːm/ /ˈɛmpti/ /wɒz/ /miː/ /aʊt/

so I decided to do something healthy

/duː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈhɛlθi/

that would take my mind off you.

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /teɪk/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/ /ɒf/ /juː/

Well, nothing says healthy

/wɛl/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ˈhɛlθi/

like smoking 40 pounds of pork loin

/laɪk/ /ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /pɔːrk/

in an unventilated room

/ruːm/

while having an imaginary conversation with your ex.

/waɪl/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /ˌkɒn.vərˈseɪ.ʃən/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/

Just for that, you're not getting any.

/dʒʌst/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈɛn.i/

I'm not getting any?

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈɛn.i/

You're the one smoking your own meat.

/ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /oʊn/ /miːt/

Oh! Oh!

What am I gonna do about this Quinn thing?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /θɪŋ/

I want to ask her out again,

/wɒnt/ /æsk/ /hɜːr/ /aʊt/ /əˈɡɛn/

but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.

/bʌt/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /fiːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /hɜːr/

Why would you have an issue with that?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈɪʃuː/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

I mean, you've dated convicted felons, arms dealers...

/miːn/ /ˈdeɪtɪd/ /ɑːrmz/

pageant moms.

Hey, Quinn is someone I might want to get serious with,

/ɪz/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /maɪt/ /wɒnt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈsɪəriəs/ /wɪð/

not just pretend to be a judge

/dʒʌst/ /biː/ /dʒʌdʒ/

Tiffany's mom really wanted that tiara.

/mɒm/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ðæt/

In a city of eight million people,

/ˈsɪt.i/ /eɪt/ /ˈmɪljən/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

you happened to walk into the club where she works?

/juː/ /ˈhæpənd/ /wɔːk/ /klʌb/ /wɛr/ /ʃiː/ /wɜːrks/

Maybe it's destiny.

/ˈmeɪbi/

No, Destiny strips at The Melon Patch.

/noʊ/

They're people, Ted; try to keep them straight.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /traɪ/ /kiːp/ /ðɛm/ /streɪt/

Wait a minute.

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

What if this is destiny?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /ɪz/

I just said...

/dʒʌst/ /sɛd/

What if the universe

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/

is throwing us in each other's path for some reason?

/ɪz/ /ʌs/ /iːtʃ/ /fɔːr/ /sʌm/ /ˈriːzən/

More or less exactly what I...

/mɔːr/ /lɛs/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/

I don't care what you say, this is destiny!

/kɛr/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /seɪ/ /ɪz/

Damn it, Ted!

/ɪt/

Why can't you ever root for love?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /fɔːr/ /lʌv/

Hey.

Hey.

Quinn... Quinn...

No, listen,

/noʊ/ /ˈlɪs.ən/

in here I'm Karma, okay?

/hɪr/

Got it.

/ɪt/

Uh, look, Karma,

/lʊk/

I swear

/swɛər/

I never say crap like this, but...

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /seɪ/ /laɪk/ /bʌt/

I think maybe the universe

/θɪŋk/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈjuːnɪvɜːrs/

is telling us something.

/ɪz/ /ʌs/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

You want to go out again?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /əˈɡɛn/

I'm sorry, I don't date customers.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /deɪt/

What about destiny?

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/

I heard she's over at The Melon Patch now.

/hɜːrd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /naʊ/

No, I mean like fate telling us that we're supposed to be...

/noʊ/ /miːn/ /laɪk/ /ʌs/ /ðæt/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /biː/

Oh, listen, Barney,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

my manager is really giving me the stink eye.

/maɪ/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /miː/ /aɪ/

I have to get back to work.

/hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/ /wɜːrk/

Okay, wait, wait.

/weɪt/ /weɪt/

What if I pay for a dance?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /peɪ/ /fɔːr/ /dæns/

That way,

/ðæt/ /weɪ/

your manager's happy,

/jʊr/ /ˈhæp.i/

and then I can to tell you

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /kæn/ /tɛl/ /juː/

why you should go on another date with me.

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /əˈnʌðər/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I guess there's no reason why not.

/ɡɛs/ /noʊ/ /ˈriːzən/ /waɪ/

Okay, first off, we have a lot in common.

/fɜːrst/ /ɒf/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /lɒt/ /ˈkɒmən/

For example,

/fɔːr/ /ɪɡˈzɑːm.pəl/

both of our jobs are largely financed

/boʊθ/ /aʊər/

by drunk Asian businessmen.

/drʌŋk/

Dear Diary.

/dɪər/

It is day four on this island,

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /deɪ/ /ɒn/ /ˈaɪlənd/

which the natives have dubbed "Long Island,"

/wɪtʃ/ /hæv/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

perhaps referencing

/pərˈhæps/

how each hour here feels like it may never end.

/haʊ/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /hɪr/ /fiːlz/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/ /meɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ɛnd/

So far, they have welcomed me

/fɑːr/ /ðeɪ/ /hæv/ /miː/

and given me a rare glimpse into their bizarre way of life.

/ænd/ /ˈɡɪv.ən/ /miː/ /rɛr/ /ðɛr/ /weɪ/ /laɪf/

By "entertainment," they mean table shuffle board,

/ðeɪ/ /miːn/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /bɔːrd/

macramé classes, and other non-stimulating activities

/ænd/ /ˈʌð.ər/

which are only used in Manhattan

/wɪtʃ/ /ˈoʊnli/

to calm down drug addicts and the criminally insane.

/kɑːm/ /daʊn/ /ænd/ /ɪnˈseɪn/

A preliterate society, their menus display pictures

/ðɛr/ /dɪˈspleɪ/ /ˈpɪktʃərz/

of the food they offer,

/fuːd/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈɒfər/

everyone is forced to sing "Happy Birthday"

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ɪz/ /sɪŋ/ /ˈhæp.i/ /ˈbɜːrθdeɪ/

four or five times a meal,

/faɪv/ /taɪmz/ /miːl/

and dessert has fireworks in it.

/ænd/ /dɪˈzɜːrt/ /hæz/ /ɪt/

In their lairs, they often don a primitive shroud

/ðɛr/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈɔː.fən/

called a "Snugget," and it is not uncommon for them

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /fɔːr/ /ðɛm/

to go to sleep before 9 p.m.,

/ɡoʊ/ /sliːp/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

fearing, as they do,

/ðeɪ/ /duː/

the night.

/naɪt/

Also Diary, I think writing in you is stupid,

/ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈraɪtɪŋ/ /juː/ /ɪz/ /ˈstjuːpɪd/

but you were a gift from Lily,

/bʌt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ɡɪft/

and she's watching me right now.

/ænd/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Guys, um, I don't want to overstay my welcome,

/ɡaɪz/ /wɒnt/ /maɪ/ /ˈwɛlkəm/

and Patrice said that she would take me off your hands.

/ænd/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /wʊd/ /teɪk/ /miː/ /ɒf/ /jʊr/ /hændz/

So, do you have a train schedule or...

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /treɪn/ /ˈskɛdʒuːl/

Oh, yeah,

um, but-but

there's a-a problem with the train.

/ˈprɒbləm/ /wɪð/ /treɪn/

Big, big problem.

/bɪɡ/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈprɒbləm/

There was a...

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/

Strike. A lightning strike.

/straɪk/ /ˈlaɪtnɪŋ/ /straɪk/

That hit one of the picketers who was on strike.

/ðæt/ /huː/ /wɒz/ /ɒn/ /straɪk/

During a thunderstorm.

/ˈdʊərɪŋ/

Plus,

/plʌs/

Yeah, she probably doesn't even want you there.

/ʃiː/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /ðɛr/

You guys are being weird.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my God, Robin, I am so sorry.

/maɪ/ /ˈsɒr.i/

I'll throw these in the wash.

/θroʊ/ /ðiːz/ /wɒʃ/

They'll be dry and folded in the morning.

/biː/ /draɪ/ /ænd/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Or the weekend.

/ˈwiːkɛnd/

And we can talk about you leaving then.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/ /ðɛn/

Or never.

/ˈnɛv.ər/

Wait, Lily, why don't... Khoan, Lily, sao ko

/weɪt/ /waɪ/

It's 8:45, time to hit the hay.

/taɪm/ /heɪ/

Good night!

/ɡʊd/ /naɪt/

So Ted, what healthy,

/wɒt/ /ˈhɛlθi/

not-at-all-crazy activity are you up to now?

/juː/ /ʌp/ /naʊ/

I liked smoking meat, but now I've got a new passion:

/ˈsmoʊkɪŋ/ /miːt/ /bʌt/ /naʊ/ /njuː/

wood.

You hear these things that come out of your mouth, right?

/juː/ /hɪr/ /ðiːz/ /θɪŋz/ /ðæt/ /kʌm/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /maʊθ/ /raɪt/

So I went back to the Lusty Leopard.

/wɛnt/ /bæk/

You know what, Barney?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

I know I said I have a rule about not dating customers,

/noʊ/ /sɛd/ /hæv/ /ruːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

but you may have convinced me to...

/bʌt/ /juː/ /meɪ/ /hæv/ /miː/

Oh.

Song's over, I got to go.

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /ɡoʊ/

Wait, no, what? Convinced you to what?

/weɪt/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /wɒt/

I'm sorry, but manager's giving me the stink eye.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /bʌt/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /miː/ /aɪ/

Ugh, get a life, Manager.

/ʌɡ/ /ɡɛt/ /laɪf/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/

What were you saying?

/wɒt/ /wɜːr/ /juː/

Well, I was going to say

/wɛl/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/

that I do find you very... charming.

/ðæt/ /duː/ /faɪnd/ /juː/ /ˈvɛr.i/

And funny...

/ænd/ /ˈfʌn.i/

and sexy.

/ænd/

And exciting and smart.

/ænd/ /ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /ænd/ /smɑːrt/

You so get me.

/juː/ /ɡɛt/ /miː/

You know what, Barney?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

I have never done this before,

/hæv/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /dʌn/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

but there's just something about you.

/bʌt/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

So I guess my answer is...

/ɡɛs/ /maɪ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɪz/

Oh. Oh.

The song's over.

/ˈoʊ.vər/

Well, just finish the thought!

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/ /θɔːt/

But the manager. God,

/bʌt/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/

I hate manager.

/heɪt/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/

There. Your answer is...

/ðɛr/ /jʊr/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ɪz/

Maybe if we knew each other a little better.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ɪf/ /wiː/ /njuː/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Tell me about yourself.

/tɛl/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Well, um, what can I tell you?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /kæn/ /tɛl/ /juː/

I'm, um... Anh

charming and funny

/ænd/ /ˈfʌn.i/

and sexy and...

/ænd/ /ænd/

exciting and smart.

/ɪkˈsaɪtɪŋ/ /ænd/ /smɑːrt/

Well, how can a girl say no to that?

/wɛl/ /haʊ/ /kæn/ /ɡɜːrl/ /seɪ/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

How about we...

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wiː/

go out on...

/ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/

aaaaaaaaa... aaaaaaaaa...

aaaaaa... aaaaaa...

Ugh, these songs are so short.

/ʌɡ/ /ðiːz/ /ʃɔːrt/

Uh, how much exactly did you give Quinn?

/haʊ/ /mʌtʃ/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /ɡɪv/

Eight, nine hundred bucks,

/eɪt/ /ˈhʌndrəd/

plus whatever my Rolex is worth.

/plʌs/ /maɪ/ /ɪz/ /wɜːrθ/

Whoa.

I know.

/noʊ/

Ted, I think I'm in love.

/θɪŋk/ /lʌv/

Quinn is totally playing you.

/ɪz/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /juː/

What?

/wɒt/

That's ridiculous.

If she were playing me,

/ɪf/ /ʃiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /miː/

why would she agree to go on a date with me?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /ʃiː/ /əˈɡriː/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/ /wɪð/ /miː/

You're different than the rest of these schlubs.

/ˈdɪfrənt/ /ðæn/ /rɛst/ /ðiːz/

This one time only, I'm going to break my rule.

/taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /breɪk/ /maɪ/ /ruːl/

Let's go out tomorrow night.

/ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/

Sweet!

/swiːt/

Oh, shoot! I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!

/ʃuːt/ /hæv/ /wɜːrk/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ʌɡ/

Hey! Brainstorm!

What if we just have our date here,

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /aʊər/ /deɪt/ /hɪr/

It's a date.

/deɪt/

It's not a date, if you go into a strip club and paying for lap dances.

/deɪt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/ /klʌb/ /ænd/ /fɔːr/ /læp/

If it's not a date, why'd she say, every fifth day was free?

/ɪf/ /deɪt/ /ʃiː/ /seɪ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /deɪ/ /wɒz/ /friː/

Because that's the Lusty Leopard's policy

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈpɒlɪsi/

on Friday nights, and I'm so mad at you that I know that!

/ɒn/ /ænd/ /mæd/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

Dear Diary.

/dɪər/

It is day six on this island,

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /deɪ/ /sɪks/ /ɒn/ /ˈaɪlənd/

and I begin to fear I am more captive than guest...

/ænd/ /bɪˈɡɪn/ /fɪər/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/

Morning, sweetie.

/ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ˈswiːti/

Up for croquet?

/ʌp/ /fɔːr/

Hey, uh, Lil, are you done

/juː/ /dʌn/

washing my clothes yet? Because I...

/maɪ/ /kloʊðz/ /jɛt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

Oh, I am so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Your clothes accidentally wound up in the bag

/jʊr/ /kloʊðz/ /wuːnd/ /ʌp/ /bæɡ/

I donated to Goodwill.

You gave away my clothes?

/juː/ /ɡeɪv/ /əˈweɪ/ /maɪ/ /kloʊðz/

They were a bit fancy for East Meadow.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /fɔːr/ /iːst/

People were staring.

/ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɜːr/

Besides, we have an extra Snugget.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛkstrə/

Try it.

/traɪ/ /ɪt/

Try it, Robin.

/traɪ/ /ɪt/

They're trying to make me one of them, Diary.

/meɪk/ /miː/ /ðɛm/

And I begin to fear...

/ænd/ /bɪˈɡɪn/ /fɪər/

I may like it!

/meɪ/ /laɪk/ /ɪt/

I can't believe we're at a strip club,

/bɪˈliːv/ /klʌb/

and the biggest boob in here is you.

/ænd/ /hɪr/ /ɪz/ /juː/

It's a real date, Ted.

/riːl/ /deɪt/

And clearly you haven't seen the DeSalvo twins.

/ænd/ /ˈklɪərli/ /juː/

She's right over there.

/raɪt/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ðɛr/

Barney... Yowza! Barney... Yowza!

You are not on a date.

/juː/ /ɒn/ /deɪt/

Okay, look, prove it.

/lʊk/ /pruːv/ /ɪt/

Prove that she's not just taking advantage of you.

/pruːv/ /ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/

Get her to go out with you anywhere but here.

/ɡɛt/ /hɜːr/ /ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/ /bʌt/ /hɪr/

Fine!

/faɪn/

Hey, sexy! You want a dance?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /dæns/

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh, one thing, though.

/θɪŋ/ /ðoʊ/

Um, you'd be okay with us having a date

/biː/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /deɪt/

somewhere besides here, wouldn't you?

/ˈsʌmwɛr/ /hɪr/ /juː/

I was hoping you would ask that.

/wɒz/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /juː/ /wʊd/ /æsk/ /ðæt/

I'm sorry it's so expensive in here,

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ɪkˈspɛnsɪv/ /hɪr/

but it's nice and private, huh?

/bʌt/ /naɪs/ /ænd/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/

Absolutely. And romantic!

/ˈæbsəluːtli/ /ænd/ /roʊˈmæntɪk/

It's our first getaway as a couple!

/aʊər/ /fɜːrst/ /ˈkʌpəl/

It's become clear to me, Diary,

/bɪˈkʌm/ /klɪər/ /miː/

that I must attempt a dramatic escape.

/ðæt/ /mʌst/ /əˈtɛmpt/ /ɪˈskeɪp/

I will fake a stomach ache during dinner.

/wɪl/ /feɪk/ /eɪk/ /ˈdʊərɪŋ/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

Then, after Marshall and Lily leave for bingo night,

/ðɛn/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ænd/ /liːv/ /fɔːr/ /naɪt/

I will sneak out the back.

/wɪl/ /aʊt/ /bæk/

I'll swipe Shirley's Rascal and drive to the train station.

/ænd/ /draɪv/ /treɪn/ /ˈsteɪʃən/

Shirley's 42, by the way, and rides a Rascal.

/weɪ/ /ænd/

I swear, it's the second half of Wall-E out here.

/swɛər/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/ /hæf/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Bingo... Bingo...

was canceled.

/wɒz/

Hey, sexy, you want a dance?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /dæns/

No, I'm not a customer.

/noʊ/

My girlfriend works here.

/maɪ/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/ /wɜːrks/ /hɪr/

She's right over...

/raɪt/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

This one time only, I'm gonna break my rule.

/taɪm/ /ˈoʊnli/ /breɪk/ /maɪ/ /ruːl/

Let's go out tomorrow night!

/ɡoʊ/ /aʊt/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/

Sweet!

/swiːt/

Oh, shoot!

/ʃuːt/

I have to work tomorrow. Ugh!

/hæv/ /wɜːrk/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ʌɡ/

Hey! Brainstorm!

What if we just have our date here,

/wɒt/ /ɪf/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /hæv/ /aʊər/ /deɪt/ /hɪr/

maybe in the Champagne Room?

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /ruːm/

That was our spot.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /aʊər/ /spɒt/

Hey, gorgeous, You want a dance?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /dæns/

Is it a jig?

/ɪz/ /ɪt/

'Cause if so, it's up.

/kɔːz/ /ɪf/ /ʌp/

Sorry, I only had the last verse

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈoʊnli/ /hæd/ /læst/

of "Hot For Teacher" to work on that. What was that?

/hɒt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈtiː.tʃər/ /wɜːrk/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/

You laid exactly the same line on that guy that you did on me!

/juː/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /seɪm/ /laɪn/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /ɒn/ /miː/

Sweetie, that is just something

/ˈswiːti/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

I say to these gullible losers here.

/seɪ/ /ðiːz/ /hɪr/

They fall for it every time.

/ðeɪ/ /fɔːl/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/

Bunch of losers!

Oh, gosh, manager again.

/ɡɒʃ/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/ /əˈɡɛn/

He's looking at me like,

/miː/ /laɪk/

"Karma, why aren't you booking more time

/waɪ/ /juː/ /ˈbʊkɪŋ/ /mɔːr/ /taɪm/

in the Champagne Room?"

/ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /ruːm/

Well, we'll show him.

/wɛl/ /ʃoʊ/ /hɪm/

No! You're playing me again!

/noʊ/ /ˈpleɪɪŋ/ /miː/ /əˈɡɛn/

And you're not even trying hard!

/ænd/ /ˈiːvən/ /hɑːrd/

There's no manager there; You're pointing at a fern!

/noʊ/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/ /ðɛr/

Ted was right.

/wɒz/ /raɪt/

I bet he's home right now, laughing at how dumb I am.

/bɛt/ /hoʊm/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /haʊ/

Did I deserve this? Absolutely.

/dɪd/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/

I have told some outrageous lies.

/hæv/ /toʊld/ /sʌm/

I have told women I was famous,

/hæv/ /toʊld/ /ˈwɪmɪn/ /wɒz/ /ˈfeɪməs/

a war hero,

/wɔːr/

that sex with me would cure their nearsightedness.

/ðæt/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/ /miː/ /wʊd/ /kjʊr/ /ðɛr/

Barney?! Barney?!

I probably deserved everything you did to me and more.

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /miː/ /ænd/ /mɔːr/

But I have been trying,

/bʌt/ /hæv/

and trying hard to be a better person.

/ænd/ /hɑːrd/ /biː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

Thanks for showing me

/fɔːr/ /miː/

I had it right before.

/hæd/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

Look, I'm sorry we made you feel a little suffocated,

/lʊk/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /wiː/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

but were you really just gonna sneak away?

/bʌt/ /wɜːr/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /dʒʌst/ /əˈweɪ/

Well, it's just... I really miss the city.

/wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /mɪs/ /ˈsɪt.i/

I know you guys love it here, and that's fine,

/noʊ/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /lʌv/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/ /ænd/ /faɪn/

We don't love it here!

/wiː/ /lʌv/ /ɪt/ /hɪr/

What?

/wɒt/

Come on, Robin,

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

what kind of life is this?

/wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /laɪf/ /ɪz/

Going to canasta tournaments

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

and high school field hockey playoffs?

/ænd/ /haɪ/ /skuːl/ /fiːld/ /ˈhɒki/

Oh, I think North Bellmore can take state.

/θɪŋk/ /nɔːrθ/ /kæn/ /teɪk/

With Sophie's ankle? Doubtful.

/wɪð/

Okay, but if you two are so unhappy,

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /tuː/ /ʌnˈhæpi/

why don't you just move back to Manhattan?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /muːv/ /bæk/

Because the suburbs are better for the baby.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈbeɪbi/

Who says? Who says any place is better for the baby

/huː/ /huː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /pleɪs/ /ɪz/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈbeɪbi/

if you two are unhappy in it?

/ɪf/ /juː/ /tuː/ /ʌnˈhæpi/ /ɪt/

No, no, we live here now.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wiː/ /lɪv/ /hɪr/ /naʊ/

And, you know, this place

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /pleɪs/

wouldn't seem so bad if...

/siːm/ /bæd/ /ɪf/

we got one of our friends to move out here.

/wiː/ /aʊər/ /frɛndz/ /muːv/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Oh, guys...

/ɡaɪz/

Oh...

I would rather set myself on fire.

/wʊd/ /ˈrɑːðər/ /sɛt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/ /ɒn/ /faɪər/

The next morning, Barney learned that even in

/nɛkst/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /lɜːrnd/ /ðæt/ /ˈiːvən/

a city of eight million people, there's no escaping Karma.

/ˈsɪt.i/ /eɪt/ /ˈmɪljən/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /noʊ/

Oh.

Oh, hey.

Sorry, can't talk; manager's watching.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /tɔːk/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

Look, I am sorry

/lʊk/ /ˈsɒr.i/

if I hurt your feelings; it's a job.

/ɪf/ /hɜːrt/ /jʊr/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /dʒɒb/

Yeah, well, at my job,

/wɛl/ /maɪ/ /dʒɒb/

we don't rip out people's hearts for money.

/wiː/ /aʊt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈmʌn.i/

My company briefly backed a lab in North Korea

/maɪ/ /ˈkʌmpəni/ /nɔːrθ/

which did, but we sold it!

/wɪtʃ/ /dɪd/ /bʌt/ /wiː/ /soʊld/ /ɪt/

You know, I've worked at that club for a year.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɜːrkt/ /ðæt/ /klʌb/ /fɔːr/ /jɪr/

You practically live there,

/juː/ /lɪv/ /ðɛr/

and you didn't even recognize me the night we went out.

/ænd/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /miː/ /naɪt/ /wiː/ /wɛnt/ /aʊt/

You can't pretend to be some hurt little victim with me.

/juː/ /biː/ /sʌm/ /hɜːrt/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈvɪktɪm/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I know you.

/noʊ/ /juː/

Well, of course you do.

/wɛl/ /kɔːrs/ /juː/ /duː/

I told you things I don't tell anybody.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /θɪŋz/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛn.i.bɒd.i/

I was honest with you.

/wɒz/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /wɪð/ /juː/

Yeah, because I believe you have a gay black brother,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /bɪˈliːv/ /juː/ /hæv/ /blæk/ /ˈbrʌð.ər/

a friend lonely enough to smoke his own meat

/frɛnd/ /ˈloʊnli/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /smoʊk/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/ /miːt/

and that your mom was a groupie for Supertramp.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /jʊr/ /mɒm/ /wɒz/ /fɔːr/

They named their band for her!

/ðeɪ/ /neɪmd/ /ðɛr/ /bænd/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/

You remembered all that?

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/

Well, yeah. I mean,

/wɛl/ /miːn/

you're more interesting than the lyrics

/mɔːr/ /ˈɪn.trɪ.stɪŋ/ /ðæn/

to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" for the 8,000th time.

/sʌm/ /ˈʃʊɡər/ /ɒn/ /miː/ /fɔːr/ /taɪm/

You know, it's funny.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈfʌn.i/

Almost every woman I've ever met was wrong

/ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /wɒz/ /rɒŋ/

to give me a chance.

/ɡɪv/ /miː/ /tʃæns/

You're the first woman who's wrong not to.

/fɜːrst/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /rɒŋ/

Large black coffee...

/lɑːrdʒ/ /blæk/ /ˈkɔː.fi/

and whatever he's having.

/ænd/ /ˈhævɪŋ/

It's on me.

/ɒn/ /miː/

The same.

/seɪm/

Thank you.

/juː/

You're welcome.

/ˈwɛlkəm/

1,700 more of these and we're even.

/mɔːr/ /ðiːz/ /ænd/ /ˈiːvən/

Uh, the song just ended.

/sɒŋ/ /dʒʌst/

That mean you got to get going?

/ðæt/ /miːn/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

No. Ko

/noʊ/

Do you have time to sit with me?

/duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /taɪm/ /sɪt/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I don't know. You're wearing my watch.

/noʊ/ /maɪ/ /wɒtʃ/

Pottery. Now you're making pottery.

/naʊ/

I needed a new vase...

/njuː/ /veɪz/

and some plates.

/ænd/ /sʌm/

And bowls.

/ænd/

The china cabinet I built had some design flaws.

/bɪlt/ /hæd/ /sʌm/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

Why don't you just turn this into a guest room?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /tɜːrn/ /ruːm/

A guest room?

/ruːm/

You mean a room ready and waiting

/juː/ /miːn/ /ruːm/ /ˈrɛd.i/ /ænd/

for someone who isn't there?

/fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /huː/ /ðɛr/

A room devoted to reminding me that I'm still alone?

/ruːm/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /əˈloʊn/

Yeah, I don't need that.

/niːd/ /ðæt/

Ted, no matter how many things you put in this room...

/noʊ/ /ˈmætər/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /θɪŋz/ /juː/ /pʊt/ /ruːm/

I'll still be here.

/biː/ /hɪr/

Hey.

Hey!

Come on in.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Thanks.

Oh, um, thanks for packing up the rest of my stuff.

/fɔːr/ /ˈpækɪŋ/ /ʌp/ /rɛst/ /maɪ/ /stʌf/

No problem. Uh, you want some coffee?

/noʊ/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /sʌm/ /ˈkɔː.fi/

Uh, sure. Yeah? Yeah.

/ʃʊr/

So, how are things?

/haʊ/ /θɪŋz/

Good! You? Great!

/ɡʊd/ /juː/ /ɡreɪt/

You know, I actually made this mug.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/

Oh, yeah? Oh! Yeah. Oh!

Yeah, sorry, coffee's a little strong.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /strɒŋ/

How was your stay with Marshall and Lily?

/haʊ/ /wɒz/ /jʊr/ /steɪ/ /wɪð/ /ænd/

Uh... a little weird.

/ˈlɪt.əl/

They're not loving Long Island.

/ˈlʌvɪŋ/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈaɪlənd/

I think deep down, they realize

/θɪŋk/ /diːp/ /daʊn/ /ðeɪ/

it just... isn't a good fit.

/ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡʊd/ /fɪt/

It's hard to admit that sometimes.

/hɑːrd/ /ədˈmɪt/ /ðæt/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/

Sure is.

/ʃʊr/ /ɪz/

But I guess it's better to face it and move on

/bʌt/ /ɡɛs/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /feɪs/ /ɪt/ /ænd/ /muːv/ /ɒn/

than try to force something that just isn't meant to be, right?

/ðæn/ /traɪ/ /fɔːrs/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /biː/ /raɪt/

I think so.

/θɪŋk/

So, what do you think

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

you're gonna do with my old room?

/duː/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /oʊld/ /ruːm/

Haven't really thought about it.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɔːt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

Who needs Manhattan?

/huː/

Hmm, it's Ted. He wants to know

/hiː/ /noʊ/

if we want to hang out in the city.

/ɪf/ /wiː/ /wɒnt/ /aʊt/ /ˈsɪt.i/

The next train leaves in nine minutes.

/nɛkst/ /treɪn/

Dear Lily and Marshall, I don't know if you know this,

/dɪər/ /ænd/ /noʊ/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /noʊ/

but I never took your names off the lease.

/bʌt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /tʊk/ /jʊr/ /ɒf/

Well, today I took my name off it.

/wɛl/ /təˈdeɪ/ /tʊk/ /maɪ/ /neɪm/ /ɒf/ /ɪt/

The apartment is now yours.

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ɪz/ /naʊ/ /jɔːrz/

And I think I finally figured out the best thing

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /aʊt/ /bɛst/ /θɪŋ/

to do with Robin's old room.

/duː/ /wɪð/ /oʊld/ /ruːm/

See, for me, this place has begun to feel a little haunted.

/siː/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /pleɪs/ /hæz/ /fiːl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

At first, I thought it was haunted by Robin,

/fɜːrst/ /θɔːt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

but now I think it was haunted by me.

/bʌt/ /naʊ/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /miː/

Well, no ghost is at peace until it finally moves on.

/wɛl/ /noʊ/ /ɡoʊst/ /ɪz/ /piːs/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ɪt/ /ˈfaɪnəli/ /ɒn/

I need a change.

/niːd/ /tʃeɪndʒ/

And I think you do, too.

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /duː/

This apartment needs some new life.

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /sʌm/ /njuː/ /laɪf/

So, please, make our old home your new home.

/pliːz/ /meɪk/ /aʊər/ /oʊld/ /hoʊm/ /jʊr/ /njuː/ /hoʊm/