Season 7 · Tập 20

Chester, you're not even dressed.

/ˈiːvən/

- The reservation is in 15 minutes. - Shh!

/ɪz/

He's back.

/bæk/

Every night at exactly 8:00 p.m.,

/ˈɛv.ri/ /naɪt/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/

the well-dressed blond man appears.

/mæn/

Chuck and Joanne

/ænd/

are going to be waiting. You don't understand!

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /juː/ /ˌʌn.dərˈstænd/

Every night, he does this.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /naɪt/ /hiː/ /dʌz/

Every single night.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /naɪt/

He steps out of this building,

/hiː/ /aʊt/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

walks exactly seven paces, stops,

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /ˈsɛvən/

and smiles.

/ænd/

Honey, I am worried about you.

/ˈhʌni/ /ˈwʌrid/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

Is he trying to communicate with someone?

/ɪz/ /hiː/ /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ /wɪð/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

Is he trying to communicate with me?

/ɪz/ /hiː/ /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Why is he doing this?!

/waɪ/ /ɪz/ /hiː/

But aside from not being able

/bʌt/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/

to fart in the apartment, how's living with Quinn?

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /wɪð/

Oh, it's great.

/ɡreɪt/

Yep.

Living with Quinn is great.

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/

Great, great, great... great.

/ɡreɪt/ /ɡreɪt/ /ɡreɪt/ /ɡreɪt/

So how bad is it?

/haʊ/ /bæd/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

Pretty bad.

/ˈprɪti/ /bæd/

Last night,

/læst/ /naɪt/

I had just come back

/hæd/ /dʒʌst/ /kʌm/ /bæk/

from my 8:00 fart.

/maɪ/

Sure.

/ʃʊr/

Go on.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/

Still no mail.

/noʊ/ /meɪl/

I think they only deliver it once a day.

/θɪŋk/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /dɪˈlɪvər/ /ɪt/ /wʌns/ /deɪ/

Hey, listen,

/ˈlɪs.ən/

when I moved in here, I sold all my stuff

/wɛn/ /hɪr/ /soʊld/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /stʌf/

because I know you like your place as is,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /jʊr/ /pleɪs/ /ɪz/

and I was totally fine with that.

/ænd/ /wɒz/ /ˈtoʊtəli/ /faɪn/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Just one little thing: would it be okay

/dʒʌst/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /θɪŋ/ /wʊd/ /ɪt/ /biː/

if instead of using your coffee mugs,

/ɪf/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /jʊr/ /ˈkɔː.fi/

we use mine?

/wiː/ /juːz/ /maɪn/

Hmm...

No. Ko

/noʊ/

Barney, she got rid of all of her stuff for you.

/ʃiː/ /ɔːl/ /hɜːr/ /stʌf/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Oh, I see what this is really about.

/siː/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/

Yeah, mugs.

Coffee?

/ˈkɔː.fi/

Tea?

Eh, religion.

/rɪˈlɪdʒən/

This is about the fact that you don't think

/ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /fækt/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

this relationship is gonna last.

/rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ /ɪz/ /læst/

That's why you don't want to throw anything out.

/waɪ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /θroʊ/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /aʊt/

Because when that inevitable breakup comes,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɛn/ /ðæt/ /ˈbreɪkʌp/

you don't want to buy new mugs.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /baɪ/ /njuː/

That's why I've never thrown anything out

/waɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /aʊt/

for any relationship ever.

/fɔːr/ /ˈɛn.i/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Isn't that right, honey?

/ðæt/ /raɪt/ /ˈhʌni/

Oh, that's right. I'm alone.

/raɪt/ /əˈloʊn/

Lily, here's the thing.

/θɪŋ/

It's my apartment,

/maɪ/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

and I need to assert my dominance as a man.

/ænd/ /niːd/ /maɪ/ /mæn/

Don't ever say that...

/ˈɛv.ər/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/

to any girl ever.

/ˈɛn.i/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Too late.

/leɪt/

What did you just say to me?

/wɒt/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /miː/

- She gave up her apartment for you! - You said that to her?!

/ʃiː/ /ɡeɪv/ /ʌp/ /hɜːr/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /juː/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /hɜːr/

Okay, you know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

I don't have to sit here and take this from you ladies.

/hæv/ /sɪt/ /hɪr/ /ænd/ /teɪk/ /juː/

I'm going to Ted's.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

The man cave,

/mæn/

where guys can be guys.

/wɛr/ /ɡaɪz/ /kæn/ /biː/ /ɡaɪz/

- Assert your dominance? - It's like you have no respect for women.

/jʊr/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /hæv/ /noʊ/ /rɪˈspɛkt/ /fɔːr/ /ˈwɪmɪn/

- What is wrong with you? - You have a mother!

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /rɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

You guys, too?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/

I'm going to the Y for a shvitz.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /fɔːr/

No, dude, hold on.

/noʊ/ /hoʊld/ /ɒn/

You're not going anywhere.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈɛniˌwɛr/

It's trilogy time.

/taɪm/

- Kids, here's the deal-

/kɪdz/ /diːl/

It all started a long time ago in a dorm room far, far away.

/ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /lɔːŋ/ /taɪm/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /ruːm/ /fɑːr/ /fɑːr/ /əˈweɪ/

Dude, if we fail this econ final,

/ɪf/ /wiː/ /feɪl/ /ˈfaɪnəl/

for the rest of our lives we're not gonna be able to...

/fɔːr/ /rɛst/ /aʊər/ /biː/ /ˈeɪ.bəl/

We won't know how to...

/wiː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/

Do you even know what econ is?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/

No idea. We're screwed.

/noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

But there's only one thing left to do at at time like this.

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /θɪŋ/ /lɛft/ /duː/ /taɪm/ /laɪk/

Watch the entire Star Wars trilogy all the way through

/wɒtʃ/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /stɑːr/ /ɔːl/ /weɪ/ /θruː/

because I haven't done that in, like, five years.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /dʌn/ /ðæt/ /laɪk/ /faɪv/

Dude, you can't let that happen.

/juː/ /lɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/

If you're not trilling it at least once every three years,

/ɪf/ /ɪt/ /liːst/ /wʌns/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /θriː/

the Dark Side wins.

/dɑːrk/ /saɪd/

Okay, let's make a pact.

/meɪk/

No matter what, every three years,

/noʊ/ /ˈmætər/ /wɒt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /θriː/

we sit down and trill it up big time.

/wiː/ /sɪt/ /daʊn/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /bɪɡ/ /taɪm/

Agreed?

A-Greedo. A-greedo

Wow.

2003, I mean...

/miːn/

What's that gonna be like?

/ðæt/ /biː/ /laɪk/

Hey, Ted.

Sweet hair.

/swiːt/ /hɛr/

I told you it would eventually stop growing out

/toʊld/ /juː/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /stɒp/ /ˈɡroʊɪŋ/ /aʊt/

and start growing down.

/ænd/ /stɑːrt/ /ˈɡroʊɪŋ/ /daʊn/

Anyway, I'm just working

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/

on designing yet another skyscraper.

/ɒn/ /dɪˈzaɪnɪŋ/ /jɛt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈskaɪˌskreɪpər/

And I'm carrying this briefcase

/ænd/

because now I'm a successful lawyer...

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /naʊ/ /ˈlɔːjər/

I like that.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/

Can I make one adjustment?

/kæn/ /meɪk/

...with a cool mustache.

/wɪð/ /kuːl/

Nice. Hay

/naɪs/ /heɪ/

And who knows, by then,

/ænd/ /huː/ /ðɛn/

you and Lily might be engaged.

/juː/ /ænd/ /maɪt/ /biː/ /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd/

Engaged? Bro, I'm gonna do way better than that.

/ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd/ /broʊ/ /duː/ /weɪ/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Ah, being pregnant is so much fun.

/ˈprɛɡnənt/ /ɪz/ /mʌtʃ/ /fʌn/

I want to do this four more times.

/wɒnt/ /duː/ /mɔːr/ /taɪmz/

Oh, baby, how do you feel

/ˈbeɪbi/ /haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /fiːl/

after spending all day working on your art,

/ˈæf.tər/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/ /ˈwɜːrkɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /ɑːrt/

since I make enough to support us both financially?

/sɪns/ /meɪk/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /səˈpɔːrt/ /ʌs/ /boʊθ/

Horny.

I hope we don't bother you, Ted,

/hoʊp/ /wiː/ /ˈbɒðər/ /juː/

because even though we're married and pregnant,

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈiːvən/ /ðoʊ/ /ˈmærid/ /ænd/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/

it still makes sense

/ɪt/ /sɛns/

that we all share adult-sized bunk beds.

/ðæt/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /ʃɛr/

So, Star Wars?

/stɑːr/

Sure, I don't have to be at work until late afternoon-ish

/ʃʊr/ /hæv/ /biː/ /wɜːrk/ /ənˈtɪl/ /leɪt/

because my boss appreciates that

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /maɪ/ /bɔːs/ /ðæt/

I like to stay up late drinking and...

/laɪk/ /steɪ/ /ʌp/ /leɪt/ /ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/ /ænd/

rocking out with our band.

/aʊt/ /wɪð/ /aʊər/ /bænd/

Did someone say rocking out?

/dɪd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /seɪ/ /aʊt/

♪ ♪

Whoa, who's the babe?

/beɪb/

That's the best part.

/bɛst/ /pɑːrt/

Guys, you remember my awesome girlfriend

/ɡaɪz/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /maɪ/ /ˈɔːsəm/ /ˈɡɜːrlfrɛnd/

who was a virgin until we met?

/huː/ /wɒz/ /ənˈtɪl/ /wiː/

Mm-hmm.

My name's Rhiannon,

/maɪ/

like the Stevie Nicks song.

/laɪk/ /sɒŋ/

I'm hot, but in a crunchy, earthy kind of way.

/hɒt/ /bʌt/ /kaɪnd/ /weɪ/

Oh, and I'm from England.

/ænd/

Nice. Hay

/naɪs/ /heɪ/

Okay, Star Wars time.

/stɑːr/ /taɪm/

But first, we jam.

/bʌt/ /fɜːrst/ /wiː/

Good thing I spent the last three years

/ɡʊd/ /θɪŋ/ /læst/ /θriː/

learning to wail on guitar.

/ɒn/

♪ ♪

Babe.

/beɪb/

Yup, our band is gonna be in demand.

/aʊər/ /bænd/ /ɪz/ /biː/

And luckily, there'll be plenty of supply.

/ænd/ /biː/ /ˈplɛnti/ /səˈplaɪ/

Supply? Demand?

/səˈplaɪ/

Dude, do you realize what we just did?

/duː/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /dɪd/

We used econ.

/wiː/

We're gonna ace this final.

/ˈfaɪnəl/

We both got zeroes.

/wiː/ /boʊθ/

Oh, dude,

2003 is gonna be awesome.

/ɪz/ /biː/ /ˈɔːsəm/

"Satisfaction"? "Satisfaction"?

"Hot Cross Buns." "Hot Cross Buns."

/hɒt/ /krɒs/ /hɒt/ /krɒs/

Well, keep it up, bro.

/wɛl/ /kiːp/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /broʊ/

So, you ready to watch the trilogy?

/juː/ /ˈrɛd.i/ /wɒtʃ/

I don't know.

/noʊ/

I mean, I really thought that by now I'd be a lawyer

/miːn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɔːt/ /ðæt/ /naʊ/ /biː/ /ˈlɔːjər/

with a kick-ass mustache,

/wɪð/

but I still haven't even gotten into law school,

/bʌt/ /ˈiːvən/ /lɔː/ /skuːl/

and my facial hair just grows in patchy.

/ænd/ /maɪ/ /hɛr/ /dʒʌst/

Just red and patchy.

/dʒʌst/ /rɛd/ /ænd/

Come on. Your life's not that bad.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /ðæt/ /bæd/

Dude, I manage a Structure.

/ˈmæn.ɪdʒ/ /ˈstrʌktʃər/

But you get 10% off vests. That's something.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒf/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

- The vests are pretty sweet, but, look... - Yeah.

/ˈprɪti/ /swiːt/ /bʌt/ /lʊk/

Lily and I aren't married.

/ænd/ /ˈmærid/

We don't have a baby on the way.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ɒn/ /weɪ/

But we did get the cool apartment.

/bʌt/ /wiː/ /dɪd/ /ɡɛt/ /kuːl/ /əˈpɑːrtmənt/

That we can barely afford.

/ðæt/ /wiː/ /kæn/

I mean, I don't see any way that our lives

/miːn/ /siː/ /ˈɛn.i/ /weɪ/ /ðæt/ /aʊər/

are better now than they were three years ago.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /naʊ/ /ðæn/ /ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /θriː/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Oh, really, Marshall? Nothing comes to mind?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /maɪnd/

By the way, guys, this is Lisa.

/weɪ/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of Lisa.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

And they never saw her again.

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɔː/ /hɜːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

Whassaaaa!

Okay,

three years ago, we had this whole fantasy

/θriː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /wiː/ /hæd/ /hoʊl/

about how great our lives were gonna be,

/əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /ɡreɪt/ /aʊər/ /wɜːr/ /biː/

and it didn't pan out.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

But I'm telling you, three years from now,

/bʌt/ /juː/ /θriː/ /naʊ/

when we're watching the trilogy in 2006,

/wɛn/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/

our lives are gonna be awesome.

/aʊər/ /biː/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Ah, hello, Ted.

I'm an environmental lawyer now.

/ɪnˌvaɪrənˈmɛntəl/ /ˈlɔːjər/ /naʊ/

Sure, it's not the most lucrative field,

/ʃʊr/ /moʊst/ /fiːld/

but luckily I have the cash and prizes

/bʌt/ /hæv/ /ænd/

from my historic seven-week run

/maɪ/ /rʌn/

on Wheel of Fortune...

/ɒn/ /wiːl/

Can I just make one little adjustment?

/kæn/ /dʒʌst/ /meɪk/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

...for which I was knighted by Her Majesty, the Queen.

/fɔːr/ /wɪtʃ/ /wɒz/ /hɜːr/

Ah, Lady Aldrin.

/ˈleɪdi/

Oh, Sir Marshall.

/sɜːr/

I cannot wait to get a house

/weɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /haʊs/

down the street from your parents

/daʊn/ /striːt/ /jʊr/ /ˈpɛərənts/

so we can be close to your mom, whom I get along with now.

/wiː/ /kæn/ /biː/ /kloʊs/ /jʊr/ /mɒm/ /ɡɛt/ /əˈlɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /naʊ/

Good, good.

/ɡʊd/ /ɡʊd/

But here's the best part.

/bʌt/ /bɛst/ /pɑːrt/

Rhiannon, hurry!

/ˈhʌri/

Just because I designed the opera house

/dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /haʊs/

doesn't mean they'll hold the curtain for us.

/miːn/ /hoʊld/ /ˈkɜːrtən/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

Just kidding.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

Of course it does.

/kɔːrs/ /ɪt/ /dʌz/

Take your time, my love.

/teɪk/ /jʊr/ /taɪm/ /maɪ/ /lʌv/

Hey, guys, it's me again.

/ɡaɪz/ /miː/ /əˈɡɛn/

I'm pretty much the same as last time,

/ˈprɪti/ /mʌtʃ/ /seɪm/ /læst/ /taɪm/

only now I'm super-rich and fancy.

/ˈoʊnli/ /naʊ/ /ænd/

And it still makes sense that we all live together.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /sɛns/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /lɪv/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

What about you, Barney?

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

Any predictions for 2006?

/ˈɛn.i/ /fɔːr/

Oh, yeah. Picture it.

/ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ɪt/

By the way, guys, this is Jody.

/weɪ/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of Jody.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

And they never saw her again.

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɔː/ /hɜːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

Whassaaaa!

How is that any different from your life right now?

/haʊ/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈdɪfrənt/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

It's not. I'm KFC, baby.

/ˈbeɪbi/

You don't mess with the Colonel's recipe.

/juː/ /mɛs/ /wɪð/ /ˈrɛsɪpi/

I want things to stay exactly the same,

/wɒnt/ /θɪŋz/ /steɪ/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /seɪm/

but with a different hottie.

/bʌt/ /wɪð/ /ˈdɪfrənt/

'Cause Barney don't slurp no sloppy seconds,

/kɔːz/ /noʊ/

especially his own.

/ɪˈspɛʃəli/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/

Okay, the bottom line is

/laɪn/ /ɪz/

things are gonna get better.

/θɪŋz/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Well, all I care about is getting into law school.

/wɛl/ /ɔːl/ /kɛr/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /lɔː/ /skuːl/

You will.

/juː/ /wɪl/

2006 is gonna be awesome.

/ɪz/ /biː/ /ˈɔːsəm/

And look what happened.

/ænd/ /lʊk/ /wɒt/ /ˈhæpənd/

You got into law school,

/juː/ /lɔː/ /skuːl/

just like I said you would.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /sɛd/ /juː/ /wʊd/

See, things aren't so bad.

/siː/ /θɪŋz/ /bæd/

Lily left me.

/lɛft/ /miː/

And now I'll never have a mustache.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/

Baby, there you are.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /ðɛr/ /juː/

I have spent all day thinking about all the naughty,

/hæv/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɔːl/

naughty things you and I are gonna do

/θɪŋz/ /juː/ /ænd/ /duː/

to cheer up Marshall.

/ʌp/

Like what?

/laɪk/ /wɒt/

Um... Um...

Uh, I'll you guys hang out, okay?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /aʊt/

Um, I'll just be...

/dʒʌst/ /biː/

waiting in the bedroom.

/ˈbɛdruːm/

Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that

/ˈsɒr.i/ /miːn/ /ðæt/

to sound like Ted and I are gonna do a kind of thing.

/saʊnd/ /laɪk/ /ænd/ /duː/ /kaɪnd/ /θɪŋ/

Okay, okay.

See you.

/siː/ /juː/

Marshall, this will pass.

/wɪl/ /pæs/

Trust me.

/trʌst/ /miː/

Three years from now...

/θriː/ /naʊ/

Briefcase, lawyer,

/ˈlɔːjər/

knighthood, mustache,

all that stuff from before.

/ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /stʌf/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

Congratulations, bro.

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /broʊ/

And congratulations to you too, Ted,

/ænd/ /kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/ /juː/

for locking this down.

/fɔːr/ /daʊn/

You know, it's weird,

/juː/ /noʊ/

I never thought I would get married,

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /θɔːt/ /wʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/

but you talked me into it.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /miː/ /ɪt/

Or rather, banged me into it.

/ˈrɑːðər/ /miː/ /ɪt/

You're so good in bed, ooh.

/ɡʊd/ /bɛd/

How is this helping me?

/haʊ/ /ɪz/ /ˈhɛlpɪŋ/ /miː/

I'm getting to it.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ɪt/

In three years, not only will Lily be back, but...

/θriː/ /ˈoʊnli/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /bæk/ /bʌt/

It's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy

/naɪs/ /biː/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈwʌndərfəl/ /ɡaɪ/

and be carrying his child.

/ænd/ /biː/ /hɪz/ /tʃaɪld/

I think you're being kind of optimistic, Ted.

/θɪŋk/ /kaɪnd/

Can I make one little adjustment?

/kæn/ /meɪk/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

It's so nice to be married to a wonderful guy

/naɪs/ /biː/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈwʌndərfəl/ /ɡaɪ/

and carrying his child,

/ænd/ /hɪz/ /tʃaɪld/

and here he is now.

/ænd/ /hɪr/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /naʊ/

Guys, I want you to meet

/ɡaɪz/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /miːt/

some douchey guy named Trey.

/sʌm/ /ɡaɪ/ /neɪmd/

- 'Sup, bro? - Mmm.

/broʊ/

I don't know what I love more:

/noʊ/ /wɒt/ /lʌv/ /mɔːr/

his thick mustache

/hɪz/ /θɪk/

or his trucker hat.

/hɪz/ /hæt/

You know I hate those hats.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /heɪt/ /ðoʊz/

Then you're really gonna hate this sonogram.

/ðɛn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /heɪt/

Nooo... Ko!

ooo...! ooooo!

A baby in a trucker hat. That's awesome.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /hæt/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Anyway, Ted's right.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /raɪt/

2009's gonna rule.

/ruːl/

By the way, guys, this is Maya.

/weɪ/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

And they never saw her again.

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /sɔː/ /hɜːr/ /əˈɡɛn/

Whassaaaa!

Okay, seriously,

/ˈsɪəriəsli/

at least tell me you're gonna

/liːst/ /tɛl/ /miː/

change the what will by then be

/tʃeɪndʒ/ /wɒt/ /wɪl/ /ðɛn/ /biː/

nine-year-old beer commercial reference.

/bɪər/

I mean, come on.

/miːn/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

There's got to be at least one way

/biː/ /liːst/ /weɪ/

that you'd like the future to be different.

/ðæt/ /laɪk/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /biː/ /ˈdɪfrənt/

I guess there is one thing.

/ɡɛs/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /θɪŋ/

By the way, guys, this is Maya.

/weɪ/ /ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of Maya.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

And not because of these these.

/ænd/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ðiːz/ /ðiːz/

Because of these.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ðiːz/

Back boobs-- the visual stimulation

/bæk/

of missionary meets the emotional detachment

/ɪˈmoʊʃənəl/

of doggy-style.

Patent pending.

Whassaaaa!

The point is, Marshall,

/pɔɪnt/ /ɪz/

this time in three years, everything is gonna be great.

/taɪm/ /θriː/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /biː/ /ɡreɪt/

See? Lily came back.

/siː/ /bæk/

Of course, Robin and I didn't end up together.

/kɔːrs/ /ænd/ /ɛnd/ /ʌp/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

But I did get engaged.

/bʌt/ /dɪd/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd/

And left at the altar.

/ænd/ /lɛft/

But I did start my own architectural firm.

/bʌt/ /dɪd/ /stɑːrt/ /maɪ/ /oʊn/

And it failed after a few months.

/ænd/ /ɪt/ /feɪld/ /ˈæf.tər/ /fjuː/

- Can we put the movie on, please? - Yeah.

/kæn/ /wiː/ /pʊt/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ɒn/ /pliːz/

Sure, buddy.

/ʃʊr/ /ˈbʌdi/

Hey, by the way, where is Robin?

/weɪ/ /wɛr/ /ɪz/

In the summer of 2009,

/ˈsʌmər/

Barney and Robin were secretly dating.

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

Oh, uh, Barney said she's taking some extension class

/sɛd/ /sʌm/ /klæs/

in how to decoupage, and Barney's taking

/haʊ/ /ænd/

a different decoupage class in the same building.

/ˈdɪfrənt/ /klæs/ /seɪm/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

That's why they shared that cab that one time.

/waɪ/ /ðeɪ/ /ðæt/ /kæb/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/

We were idiots.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/

Wait a minute.

/weɪt/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

You're saying that Barney Stinson is at a decoupage class?

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /klæs/

That means we can watch Star Wars on his giant TV!

/ðæt/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /wɒtʃ/ /stɑːr/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/

Punch it, Chewy!

/pʌntʃ/ /ɪt/

Oh. Oh.

You're back from decoupage.

/bæk/

What's decoupage?

Oh, uh, yeah, I took that cab there that one time.

/tʊk/ /ðæt/ /kæb/ /ðɛr/ /ðæt/ /taɪm/

Hold on.

/hoʊld/ /ɒn/

Come on in.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

We were hoping we could watch the trilogy here.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /wɒtʃ/ /hɪr/

Uh, sure. But, uh...

/ʃʊr/ /bʌt/

first go look out my, uh, bedroom window.

/fɜːrst/ /ɡoʊ/ /lʊk/ /aʊt/ /maɪ/ /ˈbɛdruːm/ /ˈwɪndoʊ/

There's a, uh...

naked lady, uh...

/ˈleɪdi/

jumping up and down on a mini-trampoline

/ʌp/ /ænd/ /daʊn/ /ɒn/

in the apartment across the, uh...

/əˈpɑːrtmənt/ /əˈkrɒs/

street.

/striːt/

Get me out of this thing!

/ɡɛt/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /θɪŋ/

There's no time!

/noʊ/ /taɪm/

Barney, I am not ready for them to find out about us.

/ˈrɛd.i/ /fɔːr/ /ðɛm/ /faɪnd/ /aʊt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʌs/

Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy.

/ðɛn/ /hæv/ /steɪ/ /ðɛr/ /fɔːr/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/

Don't worry. It's only 382 minutes.

/ˈwʌri/ /ˈoʊnli/

Nerd!

So, where do you guys think we'll be in three years?

/wɛr/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /θɪŋk/ /biː/ /θriː/

It'll be 2012.

/biː/

That's an easy one.

/ˈiː.zi/

Guys, this is Sophia.

/ɡaɪz/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of...

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

Okay, that is so weird.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

I was just trying to use the force.

/wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /juːz/ /fɔːrs/

Do you think instead of making a beer

/duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪnˈstɛd/ /bɪər/

fly out of the fridge, I made that lamp break?

/flaɪ/ /aʊt/ /frɪdʒ/ /ðæt/ /læmp/ /breɪk/

Either that or the stormtrooper did.

/ˈiː.ðər/ /ðæt/ /dɪd/

Oh, the stormtrooper would never do that.

/wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /duː/ /ðæt/

He knows that lamp costs $1,200.

/hiː/ /ðæt/ /læmp/

Anyway, while it's just us guys,

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /waɪl/ /dʒʌst/ /ʌs/ /ɡaɪz/

let me ask you something: we've all had that same fantasy

/lɛt/ /miː/ /æsk/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ɔːl/ /hæd/ /ðæt/ /seɪm/

about having sex with a girl in a stormtrooper costume, right?

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /sɛks/ /wɪð/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ˈkɒstjuːm/ /raɪt/

- Mmm, no. - Never.

/noʊ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/

Guys...

/ɡaɪz/

come on, no girls around, just us bros.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /noʊ/ /ɡɜːrlz/ /əˈraʊnd/ /dʒʌst/ /ʌs/ /broʊz/

Safe space.

/seɪf/ /speɪs/

Let's stop being polite and start gettin' real.

/stɒp/ /pəˈlaɪt/ /ænd/ /stɑːrt/ /riːl/

Stormtrooper fantasy.

Every guy's had that one, right?

/ˈɛv.ri/ /hæd/ /ðæt/ /raɪt/

Not even once, no. No, no, no.

/ˈiːvən/ /wʌns/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/ /noʊ/

So I'm the weird one?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

How about you, Ted?

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

How's your life gonna be different

/jʊr/ /laɪf/ /biː/ /ˈdɪfrənt/

Oh, you know, the usual.

/juː/ /noʊ/

Gonna meet a nice girl and get married.

/miːt/ /naɪs/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/

I mean, I know I say that every year, but...

/miːn/ /noʊ/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /jɪr/ /bʌt/

let's be honest, in 2012, I'll be 34.

/biː/ /ˈɒnɪst/ /biː/

If it still hasn't happened for me by then,

/ɪf/ /ɪt/ /ˈhæpənd/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /ðɛn/

something is seriously wrong with me!

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /rɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Something is seriously wrong with me.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/ /rɒŋ/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I can't do this anymore.

/duː/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

I can't keep smiling

/kiːp/

and being optimistic all the time

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /taɪm/

when all the evidence points to the contrary.

/wɛn/ /ɔːl/ /ˈɛvɪdəns/ /pɔɪnts/

You really think that three years from now

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /θriː/ /naʊ/

things aren't gonna be awesome?

/θɪŋz/ /biː/ /ˈɔːsəm/

I'll tell you what things are gonna be like

/tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /θɪŋz/ /biː/ /laɪk/

three years from now.

/θriː/ /naʊ/

Uh, yes, hello. I see

/siː/

on my frozen entree for one they printed this number

/ɒn/ /maɪ/ /ˈfroʊzən/ /fɔːr/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

where I can voice comments and concerns.

/wɛr/ /kæn/ /vɔɪs/ /ænd/

Well, there's more cinnamon

/wɛl/ /mɔːr/

in the cobbler than usual.

/ðæn/

No, I like cinnamon.

/noʊ/ /laɪk/

Oh, you're very welcome for my comment.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈwɛlkəm/ /fɔːr/ /maɪ/

Wait! Uh, don't go.

/weɪt/ /ɡoʊ/

Um... do you like cinnamon?

/duː/ /juː/ /laɪk/

Hello? Hello?

Marshall, you want to watch Star Wars?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /wɒtʃ/ /stɑːr/

No, can do, old bean!

/noʊ/ /kæn/ /duː/ /oʊld/

You see, we're up on the Cape

/juː/ /siː/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/

living the idyllic family lifestyle

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /ˈfæm.ɪ.li/

that you've always dreamed of.

/ðæt/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

Oh, and I'm pregnant with baby #5!

/ænd/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/ /wɪð/ /ˈbeɪbi/

But baby #4 isn't even out yet.

/bʌt/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈiːvən/ /aʊt/ /jɛt/

I'm just that good!

/dʒʌst/ /ðæt/ /ɡʊd/

Oh, oh, hold on.

/hoʊld/ /ɒn/

There's somebody wants to say hello to you.

/ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /seɪ/ /juː/

Hey, Ted.

I just wanted to say that things are great,

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /ðæt/ /θɪŋz/ /ɡreɪt/

and I'm married to that douchey guy in the trucker hat.

/ænd/ /ˈmærid/ /ðæt/ /ɡaɪ/ /hæt/

Whassup, bra?

It turns out it was just you

/ɪt/ /aʊt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /juː/

I didn't want to commit to.

/wɒnt/

Oh, Oh,

and I got back boobs.

/ænd/ /bæk/

So things are great!

/θɪŋz/ /ɡreɪt/

Buh-bye!

By the way, Ted, this is Melanie.

/weɪ/ /ɪz/

You'll be seeing a lot more of Melanie.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

Wait-wait-wait a minute!

/ˈmɪn.ɪt/

Who is Melanie?

/huː/ /ɪz/

Come on, Barney, if there's one thing I can count on

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ɪf/ /θɪŋ/ /kæn/ /kaʊnt/ /ɒn/

not to change, it's you walking in

/tʃeɪndʒ/ /juː/

with some random girl on your arm.

/wɪð/ /sʌm/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

No. No, I don't want that.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wɒnt/ /ðæt/

For the first time

/fɔːr/ /fɜːrst/ /taɪm/

in my life, I don't want to find myself

/maɪ/ /laɪf/ /wɒnt/ /faɪnd/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

in three years with some random girl,

/θriː/ /wɪð/ /sʌm/ /ɡɜːrl/

no matter how many boobs she has.

/noʊ/ /ˈmætər/ /haʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ʃiː/ /hæz/

I want to be with Quinn.

/wɒnt/ /biː/ /wɪð/

Guys...

/ɡaɪz/

you're gonna be seeing a lot more of Quinn.

/biː/ /lɒt/ /mɔːr/

Dude, we've been to the Lusty Leopard. We've seen plenty.

/ˈplɛnti/

I kind of walked into that one. All right, bye-bye.

/kaɪnd/ /ðæt/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/

What are you doing?

/wɒt/ /juː/

We're living together, I'm excited about it,

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

and I'm getting rid of my mugs.

/ænd/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /maɪ/

That was mine.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /maɪn/

Sorry. I don't know which are which.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /noʊ/ /wɪtʃ/ /wɪtʃ/

Truth is, I never drink coffee at home.

/truːθ/ /ɪz/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /drɪŋk/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /hoʊm/

This one? Mm-hmm.

There!

/ðɛr/

I don't need my coffee mugs 'cause I got yours!

/niːd/ /maɪ/ /ˈkɔː.fi/ /kɔːz/ /jɔːrz/

For the rest of my life.

/fɔːr/ /rɛst/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

Or as... long as you'll have me.

/lɔːŋ/ /hæv/ /miː/

We haven't really talked about the future.

/wiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/

Did I make things awkward?

/dɪd/ /meɪk/ /θɪŋz/ /ˈɔːkwərd/

Just keep smashing mugs.

/dʒʌst/ /kiːp/

Or donate them.

/ðɛm/

Point is,

/pɔɪnt/ /ɪz/

I plan on being with you for a long time.

/plæn/ /ɒn/ /wɪð/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /lɔːŋ/ /taɪm/

You okay with that?

/juː/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/

Sounds great.

/ɡreɪt/

Ooh.. Oh!

I am so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

No, no, it's great.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ɡreɪt/

A guy has to be the first one to let 'er rip.

/ɡaɪ/ /hæz/ /biː/ /fɜːrst/ /lɛt/

I was actually hoping this would happen soon.

/wɒz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /wʊd/ /ˈhæpən/ /suːn/

I've been crop-dusting the patio for weeks.

/fɔːr/

- The patio! - Mm-hmm.

I've been going out on the street,

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /ɒn/ /striːt/

like, exactly this time every night.

/laɪk/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /taɪm/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /naɪt/

Where are you, blond man?!

/wɛr/ /juː/ /mæn/

Show yourself!

/ʃoʊ/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

I will be at my mother's.

/wɪl/ /biː/ /maɪ/

We're a real couple now, aren't we?

/riːl/ /ˈkʌpəl/ /naʊ/ /wiː/

We are.

/wiː/

Hey, buddy, I get that you're bummed.

/ˈbʌdi/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/

But I got a good feeling about 2015.

/bʌt/ /ɡʊd/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/

I think that's gonna be your year.

/θɪŋk/ /biː/ /jʊr/ /jɪr/

Kids, that was the one time I ever lost faith

/kɪdz/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /taɪm/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /lɒst/

in the idea that my life would be better in three years.

/aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /ðæt/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /θriː/

And what's funny is, three years from that moment,

/ænd/ /ˈfʌn.i/ /ɪz/ /θriː/ /ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

my life was amazing.

/maɪ/ /laɪf/ /wɒz/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

All right! It's trilogy time!

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /taɪm/

Can I just lodge one complaint?

/kæn/ /dʒʌst/

This is a guy's tradition.

/ɪz/ /trəˈdɪʃən/

It's kind of a lame move on Ted's part to bring a chick.

/kaɪnd/ /muːv/ /ɒn/ /pɑːrt/ /brɪŋ/ /tʃɪk/

Come on, dude... cut him some slack.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /kʌt/ /hɪm/ /sʌm/

I know. He loves her.

/noʊ/ /hiː/ /lʌvz/ /hɜːr/

And I'll give him this: she is pretty damn cute.

/ænd/ /ɡɪv/ /hɪm/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/ /ˈprɪti/ /kjuːt/

Thank God she takes after her mother.

/ʃiː/ /ˈæf.tər/ /hɜːr/ /ˈmʌð.ər/

All right, let's watch this thing!

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /wɒtʃ/ /θɪŋ/

TV... TV...

play Star Wars trilogy.

/pleɪ/ /stɑːr/

Play Star Wars tril...

/pleɪ/ /stɑːr/

You know what? Screw it.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /skruː/ /ɪt/

Okay, you are about to see something awesome.

/juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /siː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈɔːsəm/