Season 7 · Tập 3

Hey, what do you guys think of my new ducky tie?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /θɪŋk/ /maɪ/ /njuː/ /taɪ/

Pretty cute, right?

/ˈprɪti/ /kjuːt/ /raɪt/

And not that much more expensive than a regular tie.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /mʌtʃ/ /mɔːr/ /ɪkˈspɛnsɪv/ /ðæn/ /ˈrɛɡ.jə.lər/ /taɪ/

Hmm. Hmm.

A ducky tie?

/taɪ/

Bro, why do you do this

/broʊ/ /waɪ/ /duː/ /juː/ /duː/

when you know I must slam you for it?

/wɛn/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /mʌst/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

You guys might want to look away

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /maɪt/ /wɒnt/ /lʊk/ /əˈweɪ/

'cause this ain't gonna be pretty.

/kɔːz/ /biː/ /ˈprɪti/

You ready?

/juː/ /ˈrɛd.i/

Duck, duck... gross.

/dʌk/ /dʌk/

Hashtag burn,

/bɜːrn/

hashtag duck tie slam,

/dʌk/ /taɪ/

hashtag Stinson rocks.

What else is going on?

/wɒt/ /ɛls/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/

Oh, guess who I ran into.

/ɡɛs/ /huː/ /ræn/

A girl from my past.

/ɡɜːrl/ /maɪ/ /pæst/

Any guesses?

/ˈɛn.i/

- Stella. - Zoe. - Stella. - Zoe.

- Karen? - The girl who beat you up.

/ɡɜːrl/ /huː/ /biːt/ /juː/ /ʌp/

The girl who ruined a photo with Slash!

/ɡɜːrl/ /huː/ /ˈfoʊtoʊ/ /wɪð/

The girl who made you get the butterfly tattoo?

/ɡɜːrl/ /huː/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/

You make it sound like I've dated

/juː/ /meɪk/ /ɪt/ /saʊnd/ /laɪk/ /ˈdeɪtɪd/

a series of Stieg Larrson novels.

/ˈsɪəriːz/

Perhaps I need to be a little more specific.

/pərˈhæps/ /niːd/ /biː/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /mɔːr/ /spɪˈsɪfɪk/

I met this girl at a wedding.

/ɡɜːrl/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

We were together for a while, but then she moved to Germany.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /fɔːr/ /waɪl/ /bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ʃiː/

We decided to try long distance, but it didn't work

/wiː/ /traɪ/ /lɔːŋ/ /bʌt/ /ɪt/ /wɜːrk/

because I cheated on her with someone at this very table.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈtʃiːtɪd/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /wɪð/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

Victoria. Victoria.

Victoria! Victoria!

She catered dessert for the Architects' Ball.

/ʃiː/ /dɪˈzɜːrt/ /fɔːr/ /bɔːl/

Wow. I mean, what's it been, like, what, six years?

/miːn/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/ /wɒt/ /sɪks/

Yeah, it's so funny how the past...

/ˈfʌn.i/ /haʊ/ /pæst/

you know, you think

/juː/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

you're doing fine, but you know,

/faɪn/ /bʌt/ /juː/ /noʊ/

because true love... God, Lily!

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /truː/ /lʌv/

What on Earth is going on with your cans?

/wɒt/ /ɒn/ /ɜːrθ/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/

Oh, these old things?

/ðiːz/ /oʊld/ /θɪŋz/

I got my pregnancy boobs!

/maɪ/

I'm in that sweet spot

/ðæt/ /swiːt/ /spɒt/

where the chestal area knows I'm pregnant,

/wɛr/ /ˈɛriə/ /ˈprɛɡnənt/

but hasn't told the downstairs neighbors.

/bʌt/ /toʊld/ /ˌdaʊnˈstɛrz/

Well, what are you waiting for, Lil?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /fɔːr/

Bust 'em out! Make 'em dance!

/aʊt/ /meɪk/ /dæns/

No!

/noʊ/

♪ Let your boobies show! ♪

/lɛt/ /jʊr/ /ʃoʊ/

Okay, I'm sorry, pal,

/ˈsɒr.i/

but the party in my wife's sweater is a private event,

/bʌt/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /maɪ/ /ɪz/ /ˈpraɪvɪt/ /ɪˈvɛnt/

and I'm the bouncer.

/ænd/

Dude, I think they's the bouncers.

/θɪŋk/

Okay, can we stop talking about my wife's breasts, please?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /stɒp/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪ/ /pliːz/

Ted ran into Victoria!

/ræn/

I know, I'm still a little shaken by it.

/noʊ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ɪt/

I mean, there she was after all these years.

/miːn/ /ðɛr/ /ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

The emotions and memories and...

/ænd/ /ænd/

Geez, Lily, it's like you have a butt on your chest.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /hæv/ /bʌt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/

Whoo-whoo-whoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Why on Earth would I want to see that?

/waɪ/ /ɒn/ /ɜːrθ/ /wʊd/ /wɒnt/ /siː/ /ðæt/

They're round and attached to my body.

/raʊnd/ /ænd/ /maɪ/ /ˈbɒdi/

It's an even trade.

/ˈiːvən/

Okay, who wants dinner?

/huː/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

Bless you. Let's go to Shinjitsu.

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Aw, again? Really?

/əˈɡɛn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

You bring that up, like, once a month.

/juː/ /brɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ʌp/ /laɪk/ /wʌns/ /mʌnθ/

It's hibachi grilling with a vaudeville twist.

/wɪð/

I mean, come on, who's in?

/miːn/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

No! Forget it!

/noʊ/ /fərˈɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Okay, how about this:

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/

if you can go ten seconds without looking at Lily's boobs,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɡoʊ/ /tɛn/ /wɪˈðaʊt/

we'll go wherever you want to go.

/ɡoʊ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /ɡoʊ/

Deal.

/diːl/

Damn it!

/ɪt/

Oh, well.

/wɛl/

So you saw Victoria.

/juː/ /sɔː/

You must have been freaked.

/juː/ /mʌst/ /hæv/

No, it was cool.

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /kuːl/

Hey, Ted.

Hey, kiddo.

Okay, Ted, 'cause from where I was standing...

/kɔːz/ /wɛr/ /wɒz/

Robin! Just... okay?

/dʒʌst/

I'm telling this story.

/ˈstɔːri/

Instead of the obligatory awkward small talk,

/ɪnˈstɛd/ /ˈɔːkwərd/ /smɔːl/ /tɔːk/

let me just kick this off

/lɛt/ /miː/ /dʒʌst/ /kɪk/ /ɒf/

by saying I'm really, really sorry.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈsɒr.i/

Thanks. It's unnecessary, but thanks.

/bʌt/

So, wasn't awkward.

/ˈɔːkwərd/

- It was a little awkward. - Not really.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɔːkwərd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

It was a little awkward.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈɔːkwərd/

Lucky for you, the cavalry rode in to smooth things over.

/ˈlʌki/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /θɪŋz/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

So, uh...

I stole your boyfriend!

/stoʊl/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɔɪfrɛnd/

That was, like, crazy!

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /laɪk/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Like, what?!

/laɪk/ /wɒt/

But... bridge, water under it.

/bʌt/ /ˈwɔː.tər/ /ˈʌndər/ /ɪt/

It was all Ted's fault. He got me drunk.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ɔːl/ /fɔːlt/ /hiː/ /miː/ /drʌŋk/

What? Yeah! Be right there.

/wɒt/ /biː/ /raɪt/ /ðɛr/

Oh, guess who's here? Robin.

/ɡɛs/ /hɪr/

Oh. I'm really happy for you guys.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈhæp.i/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

You look cute together.

/juː/ /lʊk/ /kjuːt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Oh, no, no, we're not together.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

I mean, we-we dated for, like, a year.

/miːn/ /ˈdeɪtɪd/ /fɔːr/ /laɪk/ /jɪr/

But now we're just friends.

/bʌt/ /naʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /frɛndz/

It's not weird.

No, no. Why would that be weird?

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /waɪ/ /wʊd/ /ðæt/ /biː/

I mean, if you hung out every day, that would...

/miːn/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /deɪ/ /ðæt/ /wʊd/

We do.

/wiː/ /duː/

...still not be weird.

/biː/

I've never known anybody

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /ˈɛn.i.bɒd.i/

that hangs out with their ex every day.

/ðæt/ /aʊt/ /wɪð/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /deɪ/

Well, Barney does.

/wɛl/ /dʌz/

Really? Who's Barney's ex-girlfriend?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Robin. Robin.

Your Robin?

/jʊr/

Mine and Barney's.

/maɪn/ /ænd/

You don't all three hang out together?

/juː/ /ɔːl/ /θriː/ /aʊt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

All the time.

/ɔːl/ /taɪm/

And we have weird.

/ænd/ /wiː/ /hæv/

It's not weird!

Has anyone gotten a bite yet?

/hæz/ /ˈɛniwʌn/ /baɪt/ /jɛt/

Oh, good! Here we go!

/ɡʊd/ /hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

The main event.

/ɪˈvɛnt/

Oh, we got Takumi. He is good!

/wiː/ /hiː/ /ɪz/ /ɡʊd/

I mean, who am I kidding?

/miːn/ /huː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

They're all amazing!

/ɔːl/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

Let the dinnertainment begin!

/lɛt/ /bɪˈɡɪn/

Oh, that reminds me,

/ðæt/ /miː/

there's this other restaurant we should try sometime.

/ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /traɪ/

What they do is, they cook your meal in a little room

/wɒt/ /ðeɪ/ /duː/ /ɪz/ /ðeɪ/ /kʊk/ /jʊr/ /miːl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ruːm/

called a "kitchen."

/ˈkɪtʃɪn/

What's the name of that...?

/neɪm/ /ðæt/

Oh, yeah! "Every Other Restaurant In New York City."

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈsɪt.i/

Hashtag burn, hashtag Your Tie Is Still Dumb,

/bɜːrn/ /jʊr/ /taɪ/ /ɪz/

hashtag refill!

So you're talking to Victoria.

I'm talking to Victoria.

Well, I should probably get back to the bakery.

/wɛl/ /ʃʊd/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/

I'm taking a late bus out to the Hamptons tonight,

/leɪt/ /bʌs/ /aʊt/ /təˈnaɪt/

and I've got a sink full of dishes

/ænd/ /fʊl/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

that my assistant did not clean.

/ðæt/ /maɪ/ /əˈsɪstənt/ /dɪd/ /kliːn/

Because my assistant is me.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /maɪ/ /əˈsɪstənt/ /ɪz/ /miː/

But it was really good seeing you, Ted.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/ /juː/

- Yeah, you, too. - Okay.

/juː/

Wait.

/weɪt/

Let me do the dishes.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /duː/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

What?

/wɒt/

Victoria, do you believe in fate?

/duː/ /juː/ /bɪˈliːv/

I believe you're about to give a big speech on fate.

/bɪˈliːv/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɡɪv/ /bɪɡ/ /spiːtʃ/ /ɒn/

Well, I do.

/wɛl/ /duː/

And I think when two people like you and me randomly bump

/ænd/ /θɪŋk/ /wɛn/ /tuː/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /ænd/ /miː/

into each other, it means something.

/iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ɪt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

I have to make amends for what I did.

/hæv/ /meɪk/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/ /dɪd/

Look, I can't undo what I did six years ago, but...

/lʊk/ /wɒt/ /dɪd/ /sɪks/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /bʌt/

I can wash dishes.

/kæn/ /wɒʃ/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

It's actually something I'm good at.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ɡʊd/

Ted... Ted...

I swear to you I am not trying anything.

/swɛər/ /juː/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

♪ I said, bang, bang, bangity-bang ♪ ♪ bang, bang, bangity-bang ♪

/sɛd/

♪ I said a bang, bang, bangity-bang. ♪ ♪ a bang, bang, bangity-bang. ♪

/sɛd/

Guys, guys! Shut up!

/ɡaɪz/ /ɡaɪz/ /ʃʌt/ /ʌp/

Give the artist a little respect!

/ɡɪv/ /ˈɑːrtɪst/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /rɪˈspɛkt/

Sir, I apologize for that,

/sɜːr/ /əˈpɒlədʒaɪz/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/

and for what I'm about to say.

/ænd/ /fɔːr/ /wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /seɪ/

Here's my impression of this guy.

/maɪ/ /ɡaɪ/

: Uh! Ooh! Uh! Ooh!

Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!

Welcome to Shinjitsu! Uh!

/ˈwɛlkəm/

I used to be a night manager at Dairy Queen! Brr!

/biː/ /naɪt/ /ˈmænɪdʒər/ /ˈdɛri/

Anyone can do that.

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /kæn/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Oh really? Then why don't you do it, Barney?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ðɛn/ /waɪ/ /juː/ /duː/ /ɪt/

Show us all the tricks if they're so easy.

/ʃoʊ/ /ʌs/ /ɔːl/ /ɪf/ /ˈiː.zi/

Show us the onion volcano,

/ʃoʊ/ /ʌs/

the fried rice beating heart,

/raɪs/ /hɑːrt/

the shrimp in the pocket.

I bet Ted showed Victoria the shrimp in his pocket.

/bɛt/ /hɪz/

Shrimp? Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Okay, I'll do all

/duː/ /ɔːl/

those things. You just name the time and the place.

/ðoʊz/ /θɪŋz/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /neɪm/ /taɪm/ /ænd/ /pleɪs/

Okay, right here after we eat.

/raɪt/ /hɪr/ /ˈæf.tər/ /wiː/ /iːt/

And what do I get if I do?

/ænd/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪf/ /duː/

What do you want?

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/

I want to touch Lily's boobs.

/wɒnt/ /tʌtʃ/

Deal!

/diːl/

Hey, sweetie?

/ˈswiːti/

Yeah, I heard.

/hɜːrd/

Okay, Barney, you want to make this real?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /meɪk/ /riːl/

Let's make this real.

/meɪk/ /riːl/

Terms: If you can do all that stuff

/ɪf/ /juː/ /kæn/ /duː/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /stʌf/

that Marshall just listed off,

/ðæt/ /dʒʌst/ /ɒf/

I will let you touch one boob.

/wɪl/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /tʌtʃ/

Both boobs.

/boʊθ/

Just one.

/dʒʌst/

Touch and squeeze.

/tʌtʃ/ /ænd/

Just touch.

/dʒʌst/ /tʌtʃ/

Touch and motorboat.

/tʌtʃ/ /ænd/

Just touch.

/dʒʌst/ /tʌtʃ/

- Honka honka? - Barney.

Just touch. Just touch.

/dʒʌst/ /tʌtʃ/ /dʒʌst/ /tʌtʃ/

For one hour. For one second.

/fɔːr/ /ˈaʊ.ər/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

20 minutes, both boobs.

/boʊθ/

Thirty seconds, one boob.

Four minutes, both boobs, three squeezes.

/boʊθ/ /θriː/

One minute, both boobs, one squeeze.

/ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /boʊθ/

Deal!

/diːl/

But... if you can't do everything

/bʌt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /duː/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

and I mean everything,

/ænd/ /miːn/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

then you have to wear Marshall's ducky tie...

/ðɛn/ /juː/ /hæv/ /wɛr/ /taɪ/

for one year.

/fɔːr/ /jɪr/

BOTH: Ooh... Ooo...

/boʊθ/

Deal.

/diːl/

So you get to the bakery.

/juː/ /ɡɛt/

We get to the bakery.

/wiː/ /ɡɛt/

Well, this is great.

/wɛl/ /ɪz/ /ɡreɪt/

You know what else is getting clean

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɛls/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /kliːn/

along with this cupcake tray?

/əˈlɒŋ/ /wɪð/

My conscience.

/maɪ/

You got anything else you need to atone for?

/juː/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /ɛls/ /juː/ /niːd/ /fɔːr/

My oven needs cleaning.

/maɪ/ /ˈʌvən/

Un, no, nothing else.

/noʊ/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ɛls/

Not yet anyway.

/jɛt/ /ˈɛniweɪ/

♪ Bang, bang, bangity-bang, said a bang-bang-bangity. ♪ ♪ Bang, bang, bangity-bang, said a bang-bang-bangity. ♪

/sɛd/ /sɛd/

I'm getting married.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

Bang. Bang.

Baby, I think I got yours. This one has no booze.

/ˈbeɪbi/ /θɪŋk/ /jɔːrz/ /hæz/ /noʊ/

Oh, no, that's mine.

/noʊ/ /maɪn/

Yeah, I don't know

/noʊ/

why people think that Mai Tais need booze.

/waɪ/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /niːd/

I've been drinking virgins all night,

/ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/ /ɔːl/ /naɪt/

and they're delicious.

/ænd/ /dɪˈlɪʃəs/

Yeah, well, enjoy your Mai Tai

/wɛl/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /jʊr/

because as of tomorrow night, you'll be wearing my tie.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/ /biː/ /maɪ/ /taɪ/

Our future child is so lucky.

/aʊər/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /tʃaɪld/ /ɪz/ /ˈlʌki/

Wait. You're not drunk?

/weɪt/ /drʌŋk/

Huh. I guess not.

/ɡɛs/

It's a hustle!

We gettin' hustled!

/wiː/

Oh, this stinks.

This stinks to holy hell!

He's gonna win the bet!

/wɪn/ /bɛt/

Baby, come on. Even if he was sober as a nun,

/ˈbeɪbi/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɪf/ /hiː/ /wɒz/

there's no way he could do what these guys do.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/ /hiː/ /kʊd/ /duː/ /wɒt/ /ðiːz/ /ɡaɪz/ /duː/

Exactly. I mean, to learn the trademark secrets

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /miːn/ /lɜːrn/

of Shinjitsu hibachi cooking,

one would have to go all the way...

/wʊd/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɔːl/ /weɪ/

to Hoboken, New Jersey. Hoboken, New Jersey.

/njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/ /njuː/ /ˈdʒɜːrzi/

Yeah, they have a school there.

/ðeɪ/ /hæv/ /skuːl/ /ðɛr/

It's a six-month course. They teach you everything.

/kɔːrs/ /ðeɪ/ /tiːtʃ/ /juː/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

How do you know that?

/haʊ/ /duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/

Maybe I looked it up on my phone just now.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ɪt/ /ʌp/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /foʊn/ /dʒʌst/ /naʊ/

Then again, maybe not.

/ðɛn/ /əˈɡɛn/ /ˈmeɪbi/

So Victoria's getting married.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

She's getting married.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

I'm sorry. I should have told you that way earlier.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/ /ˈɜːrliər/

No, no, it's fine.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /faɪn/

You thought something was gonna happen.

/juː/ /θɔːt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /ˈhæpən/

Like one percent.

/laɪk/ /pərˈsɛnt/

Maybe slap on a ring next time.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ɒn/ /rɪŋ/ /nɛkst/ /taɪm/

Well, the problem is, he hasn't asked me yet.

/wɛl/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /ɪz/ /hiː/ /miː/ /jɛt/

I found the ring in a box in his sock drawer.

/rɪŋ/ /bɒks/ /hɪz/

Wow! Guy's got a whole drawer just for socks?

/hoʊl/ /dʒʌst/ /fɔːr/

Must be nice.

/mʌst/ /biː/ /naɪs/

So when's Money Bags popping the question?

/ˈmʌn.i/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

I'm pretty sure tomorrow.

/ˈprɪti/ /ʃʊr/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/

He's taking me out

/miː/ /aʊt/

to a really nice restaurant out in the Hamptons.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /naɪs/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/ /aʊt/

It's right on the water,

/raɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈwɔː.tər/

so afterwards we'll take a walk on the beach in the moonlight.

/teɪk/ /wɔːk/ /ɒn/ /biːtʃ/

You should probably go.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɡoʊ/

I don't know. It sounds pretty intimate.

/noʊ/ /ɪt/ /ˈprɪti/ /ˈɪntɪmɪt/

I'm serious. I feel like I misled you.

/ˈsɪəriəs/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /juː/

Madam, I came here to wash your dishes.

/hɪr/ /wɒʃ/ /jʊr/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

Nothing more.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /mɔːr/

- Whoa! What was that!? - What was what?

/wɒt/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /wɒt/ /wɒz/ /wɒt/

This guy and Barney just shared a look!

/ɡaɪ/ /ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /lʊk/

Do you know him?

/duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /hɪm/

They did it again!

/ðeɪ/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/ /əˈɡɛn/

This whole thing stinks, I tells ya!

/hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

It stinks!

/ɪt/

Lily, are you really suggesting that Barney spent six months

/juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ðæt/ /sɪks/

commuting back and forth to Hoboken

/bæk/ /ænd/

to learn a signature cooking style of a restaurant

/lɜːrn/ /staɪl/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/

he doesn't even like so he could win a bet

/hiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /laɪk/ /hiː/ /kʊd/ /wɪn/ /bɛt/

he hadn't even made yet?

/hiː/ /ˈiːvən/ /jɛt/

Yeah, the whole thing stinks.

/hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

No, it's not possible, okay?

/noʊ/ /ˈpɒs.ɪ.bəl/

I was the one who said let's go to Shinjitsu...

/wɒz/ /huː/ /sɛd/ /ɡoʊ/

Bless you.

/juː/

How could Barney have...

/haʊ/ /kʊd/ /hæv/

You brilliant bastard.

/juː/

It's all so obvious now.

/ɔːl/ /ˈɒbviəs/ /naʊ/

For the past, oh, I don't know how long, five years,

/fɔːr/ /pæst/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /faɪv/

every time I've said, "Let's go to Shinjitsu""

/ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/ /sɛd/ /ɡoʊ/

Bless you.

/juː/

You've sneezed.

Every time.

/ˈɛv.ri/ /taɪm/

MARSHALL: And little by little...

/ænd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Let's go to Shinjitsu.

/ɡoʊ/

Bless you. Bless you.

/juː/ /juː/

...you forged the association in my brain.

/juː/ /maɪ/ /breɪn/

So what should we do for dinner?

/wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /wiː/ /duː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈdɪn.ər/

Let's go to Shinjitsu.

/ɡoʊ/

Oh, bless you. Thanks.

/juː/

MARSHALL: Until eventually...

/ənˈtɪl/

Yes, I know I said that we'd be back Sunday,

/noʊ/ /sɛd/ /ðæt/ /biː/ /bæk/ /ˈsʌndeɪ/

but guess what? We are back now!

/bʌt/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /bæk/ /naʊ/

Now what on earth...

/naʊ/ /wɒt/ /ɒn/ /ɜːrθ/

Stop bouncing! What on earth

/stɒp/ /wɒt/ /ɒn/ /ɜːrθ/

would make you think that we'd be okay with this?

/wʊd/ /meɪk/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ðæt/ /biː/ /wɪð/

Let's go to Shinjitsu.

/ɡoʊ/

When you were sick for a week last year,

/wɛn/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /sɪk/ /fɔːr/ /wiːk/ /læst/ /jɪr/

I had Shinjitsu like six times.

/hæd/ /laɪk/ /sɪks/ /taɪmz/

You had the knife skills...

/juː/ /hæd/ /naɪf/

you had the trigger...

/juː/ /hæd/

All you needed then was to want something from me.

/ɔːl/ /juː/ /ðɛn/ /wɒz/ /wɒnt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /miː/

And then one day... those somethings came a-busting out.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /deɪ/ /ðoʊz/ /aʊt/

Wapowng!

I am gonna have to walk this earth,

/hæv/ /wɔːk/ /ɜːrθ/

knowing Barney has touched my boobs.

/hæz/ /maɪ/

Yeah. It stays with you.

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /juː/

His email reminders don't help.

/hɪz/ /hɛlp/

Okay, Lily, this is ridiculous.

/ɪz/

If you want to call the bet off...

/ɪf/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /kɔːl/ /bɛt/ /ɒf/

Great! The bet's off!

/ɡreɪt/ /ɒf/

Let me finish.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /ˈfɪn.ɪʃ/

Here's the deal: If you let me just see them--

/diːl/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /dʒʌst/ /siː/ /ðɛm/

no touching, just looking-- for one minute...

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /fɔːr/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/

30 seconds. For 30 seconds,

/fɔːr/

in a well-lit photography studio...

- In the alley. - In the alley...

then we'll cancel this entire wager completely.

/ðɛn/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /kəmˈpliːtli/

Do we have a deal?

/duː/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /diːl/

I totally think you should take the deal.

/ˈtoʊtəli/ /θɪŋk/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /teɪk/ /diːl/

MARSHALL: I don't think we have a choice.

/θɪŋk/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /tʃɔɪs/

Go on, take the deal.

/ɡoʊ/ /ɒn/ /teɪk/ /diːl/

I'll... think about it.

/θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

So you're doing the dishes...

/ˈdɪʃɪz/

I'm doing the dishes.

/ˈdɪʃɪz/

All done.

/ɔːl/ /dʌn/

Congratulations.

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/

Your karmic slate is clean and lemony fresh.

/jʊr/ /ɪz/ /kliːn/ /ænd/ /frɛʃ/

- Cheers. - Cheers.

See, now I can start anew,

/siː/ /naʊ/ /kæn/ /stɑːrt/

and hopefully end up as happy as you and, uh...

/ænd/ /ɛnd/ /ʌp/ /ˈhæp.i/ /juː/ /ænd/

Sorry, what's his name?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /hɪz/ /neɪm/

- Whose name? - Your fiancé-to-be.

/neɪm/ /jʊr/

Oh! His name is Klaus.

/hɪz/ /neɪm/ /ɪz/

- Klaus. - Klaus. - Klaus. - Klaus.

German name.

/neɪm/

- Yeah, German guy. - Hmm.

/ɡaɪ/

When you were living in Germany,

/wɛn/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/

and we were doing the whole long-distance thing...

/ænd/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /hoʊl/ /θɪŋ/

wasn't there a Klaus in your class?

/ðɛr/ /jʊr/ /klæs/

There was a Klaus in my class.

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /maɪ/ /klæs/

- And you and Klaus were close. - Not that close.

/ænd/ /juː/ /ænd/ /wɜːr/ /kloʊs/ /ðæt/ /kloʊs/

Yes, yes, you and the Klaus from your class were quite close.

/juː/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /klæs/ /wɜːr/ /kwaɪt/ /kloʊs/

Kind of close.

/kaɪnd/ /kloʊs/

- Was that your Klaus? - My Klaus?

/wɒz/ /ðæt/ /jʊr/ /maɪ/

- In your class. - In my class?

/jʊr/ /klæs/ /maɪ/ /klæs/

Is your Klaus the kind of close Klaus from your class?

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /kaɪnd/ /kloʊs/ /jʊr/ /klæs/

Yes.

You didn't cheat on me with Klaus, did you?

/juː/ /ɒn/ /miː/ /wɪð/ /dɪd/ /juː/

- No. No, I did not. - Mm.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /dɪd/

Okay, new question.

/njuː/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

After we broke up, how long were you single

/ˈæf.tər/ /wiː/ /ʌp/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /wɜːr/ /juː/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/

before you and Klaus started dating?

/bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ænd/ /ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

Oh, how long... um, well, we broke up in April, so...

/haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /wɛl/ /wiː/ /ʌp/

a day and a half.

/deɪ/ /ænd/ /hæf/

Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

/juː/ /hæv/ /biː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /miː/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

So I've spent the last six years feeling like

/læst/ /sɪks/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /laɪk/

I completely betrayed you, when in truth, you...

/kəmˈpliːtli/ /juː/ /wɛn/ /truːθ/ /juː/

No, you know what?

/noʊ/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Okay. Fine.

/faɪn/

Just let yourself off the hook on a technicality!

/dʒʌst/ /lɛt/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/ /ɒf/ /ɒn/

Forget the fact that you did cheat on me!

/fərˈɡɛt/ /fækt/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /ɒn/ /miː/

Forget it? I will never forget it. Okay?

/fərˈɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /fərˈɡɛt/ /ɪt/

I will never stop regretting it,

/wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /stɒp/ /ɪt/

because what we had meant that much to me!

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒt/ /wiː/ /hæd/ /ðæt/ /mʌtʃ/ /miː/

I just... I wish it had meant something to you, too.

/dʒʌst/ /wɪʃ/ /ɪt/ /hæd/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/

Are you kidding?

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/

- I loved you! - Did you?

/lʌvd/ /juː/ /dɪd/ /juː/

Yes.

We had such an amazing time together.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /sʌtʃ/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /taɪm/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Do you remember that night

/duː/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /ðæt/ /naɪt/

we found that crazy videotape of Barney?

/wiː/ /ðæt/ /ˈkreɪzi/

Game night.

/ɡeɪm/ /naɪt/

We played that ridiculous game Marshall invented.

/wiː/ /ðæt/ /ɡeɪm/

- Marshgammon. - Yeah.

We've played it a few times since. I still don't get it.

/ɪt/ /fjuː/ /taɪmz/ /sɪns/ /ɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Remember the night we met?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /naɪt/ /wiː/

I remember you not letting me kiss you.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /juː/ /miː/ /kɪs/ /juː/

Remember why?

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /waɪ/

You had this ridiculous idea

/juː/ /hæd/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

that the moment leading up to the kiss...

/ðæt/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /ʌp/ /kɪs/

The drum roll.

/drʌm/ /roʊl/

...is as good as the kiss itself.

/ɪz/ /ɡʊd/ /kɪs/

Isn't it?

/ɪt/

Well, it's certainly more innocent.

/wɛl/ /mɔːr/ /ˈɪnəsənt/

It's completely harmless.

/kəmˈpliːtli/

Completely.

/kəmˈpliːtli/

- Oh, my God! - Oh no.

/maɪ/ /noʊ/

No, no-no-no-no-no.

/noʊ/

- I should not have done that. - No, that was me.

/ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /dʌn/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /miː/

I let you come wash my dishes!

/lɛt/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /wɒʃ/ /maɪ/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

I said my "oven" needed "cleaning"!

/sɛd/ /maɪ/ /ˈʌvən/

I invited you into a porno!

/juː/

No.

/noʊ/

You were right. This is fate.

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /raɪt/ /ɪz/

I needed to see you one more time

/siː/ /juː/ /mɔːr/ /taɪm/

in order to know for sure about Klaus.

/ˈɔːrdər/ /noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ʃʊr/ /əˈbaʊt/

And...?

/ænd/

And...

/ænd/

I have a bus to catch.

/hæv/ /bʌs/

Fine, you can see my boobs!

/faɪn/ /juː/ /kæn/ /siː/ /maɪ/

To the alley!

This seems unfair.

/ʌnˈfɛr/

I mean, I get that I'm the only person

/miːn/ /ɡɛt/ /ðæt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

not allowed to see this, but...

/siː/ /bʌt/

it just, it-it seems unfair.

/ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /ʌnˈfɛr/

Come on, Lily, hurry up.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈhʌri/ /ʌp/

Guys...

/ɡaɪz/

You know, I'm all for honoring a bet, but who invited Takumi?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/ /fɔːr/ /bɛt/ /bʌt/ /huː/

Sorry, bro. I tried.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /broʊ/

What's going on? What am I missing?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɒn/ /wɒt/

Are they out yet? What do they look like?

/ðeɪ/ /aʊt/ /jɛt/ /wɒt/ /duː/ /ðeɪ/ /lʊk/ /laɪk/

Look, I don't want to know!

/lʊk/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/

Just tell me the kind of coin.

/dʒʌst/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /kaɪnd/

Do you know how long 30 seconds is?

/duː/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /ɪz/

It's going to be five seconds of...

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /faɪv/

followed by 25 seconds of....

I mean, yes, seeing Lily's boobs

/miːn/

is all you've ever wanted, but come on.

/ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /bʌt/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

All he's ever wanted...

/ɔːl/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Lily, stop!

/stɒp/

Don't you see?

/juː/ /siː/

This was his plan all along!

/wɒz/ /hɪz/ /plæn/ /ɔːl/ /əˈlɒŋ/

He let us think he knows how to do all this Shinjitsu stuff,

/hiː/ /lɛt/ /ʌs/ /θɪŋk/ /hiː/ /haʊ/ /duː/ /ɔːl/ /stʌf/

just so he could get you out here

/dʒʌst/ /hiː/ /kʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

whipping out your milk-makers!

/aʊt/ /jʊr/

You son of a bitch!

/juː/ /sʌn/

The bet is back on!

/bɛt/ /ɪz/ /bæk/ /ɒn/

Nice try, Barney!

/naɪs/ /traɪ/

Nice try.

/naɪs/ /traɪ/

Maybe I was wrong.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wɒz/ /rɒŋ/

Well, I guess that's everything you asked me to do, is it not?

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /miː/ /duː/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

Oh, wait! The shrimp in the pocket.

/weɪt/

A modern classic.

/ˈmɒdərn/ /ˈklæsɪk/

And now...

/ænd/ /naʊ/

for one minute on second base...

/fɔːr/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

with a firm yet sensual squeeze...

/wɪð/ /jɛt/

Nothing can stop him now.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /kæn/ /stɒp/ /hɪm/ /naʊ/

One thing can.

/θɪŋ/ /kæn/

Make that two things.

/meɪk/ /ðæt/ /tuː/ /θɪŋz/

No!!

/noʊ/

Yeah! Yeah!

So you take her to the bus...

/juː/ /teɪk/ /hɜːr/ /bʌs/

I take her to the bus.

/teɪk/ /hɜːr/ /bʌs/

Well, this feels familiar.

/wɛl/ /fiːlz/ /fəˈmɪliər/

You leaving, me kind of wanting to say, "Don't go""

/juː/ /miː/ /kaɪnd/ /seɪ/ /ɡoʊ/

Little late for that.

/ˈlɪt.əl/ /leɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/

Little bit.

/ˈlɪt.əl/

- Don't go. - Ted...

/ɡoʊ/

I'm sorry. I just...

/ˈsɒr.i/ /dʒʌst/

Why didn't I say it then?

/waɪ/ /seɪ/ /ɪt/ /ðɛn/

Why'd I let you get on that plane?

/lɛt/ /juː/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/ /pleɪn/

Why didn't I get on it with you?

/waɪ/ /ɡɛt/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/ /wɪð/ /juː/

What would our lives be right now, if we had just...

/wɒt/ /wʊd/ /aʊər/ /biː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /ɪf/ /wiː/ /hæd/ /dʒʌst/

held on?

/ɒn/

Would I have still run into you at this party tonight...

/wʊd/ /hæv/ /rʌn/ /juː/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /təˈnaɪt/

or would we have been there together?

/wʊd/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ðɛr/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

We'd go home...

/ɡoʊ/ /hoʊm/

to our home?

/aʊər/ /hoʊm/

You cook. I do the dishes.

/juː/ /kʊk/ /duː/ /ˈdɪʃɪz/

I'm happy that you're happy.

/ˈhæp.i/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæp.i/

But damn it.

/bʌt/ /ɪt/

What if?

/wɒt/ /ɪf/

Do you really want to know the answer to that?

/duː/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒnt/ /noʊ/ /ˈæn.sər/ /ðæt/

No.

/noʊ/

I think it would kill me.

/θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /kɪl/ /miː/

Good-bye, Ted.

And that was it.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/

Now she's probably engaged.

/naʊ/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒd/

Maybe it's for the best.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /fɔːr/ /bɛst/

All right. Well...

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /wɛl/

We're gonna duck out.

/dʌk/ /aʊt/

Sorry to leave you with the bill.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /liːv/ /juː/ /wɪð/

Oh, guys, it's gonna be a good year.

/ɡaɪz/ /biː/ /ɡʊd/ /jɪr/

I'm glad you guys can laugh,

/ɡlæd/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /kæn/ /læf/

'cause I think I'm gonna be physically ill.

/kɔːz/ /θɪŋk/ /biː/

Coming down with a mallardy?

/daʊn/ /wɪð/

Oh, they look hungry. There you go.

/ðeɪ/ /lʊk/ /ˈhʌŋɡri/ /ðɛr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Here you go.

/hɪr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/