Season 8 · Tập 11

Can I get you guys anything to drink?

/kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /drɪŋk/

Scotch, neat. Scotch, ko pha.

Jinx.

Oh, my...

/maɪ/

God.

Kids, you may be wondering why five adults

/kɪdz/ /juː/ /meɪ/ /biː/ /waɪ/ /faɪv/

in their 30s would take a jinx so seriously.

/ðɛr/ /wʊd/ /teɪk/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/

It all started one day five years ago.

/ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /deɪ/ /faɪv/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Ooh, Van Helsing. Ooh, Van Helsing. Ooh, Van Helsing. Ooh, Van Helsing.

/væn/ /væn/ /væn/ /væn/

Jinx. You're jinxed.

That means that you can't speak until someone

/ðæt/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /spiːk/ /ənˈtɪl/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

who was present for the jinx says your name,

/huː/ /wɒz/ /ˈprɛz.ənt/ /fɔːr/ /jʊr/ /neɪm/

or else

/ɛls/

you will have very bad luck.

/juː/ /wɪl/ /hæv/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /bæd/ /lʌk/

That's ridiculous.

You broke the jinx.

/juː/

Marshall, I'm a grown-ass man.

/mæn/

I'm on my building's co-op board.

/ɒn/ /maɪ/ /bɔːrd/

When I say a Pinot Noir tastes luxuriously earthy

/wɛn/ /seɪ/

with a hint of rhubarb, I'm not faking it.

/wɪð/ /ɪt/

I've had several

/hæd/ /ˈsɛv.ər.əl/

of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.

/seɪm/ /ˈsɛkʃuəl/

I'm not about to stop talking just because I was jinxed.

/əˈbaʊt/ /stɒp/ /dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɒz/

Barney broke three limbs

/θriː/

and two vertebrae,

/ænd/ /tuː/

but he never broke another jinx.

/bʌt/ /hiː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /əˈnʌðər/

In fact, he started taking jinxes way too seriously.

/fækt/ /hiː/ /weɪ/ /ˈsɪəriəsli/

Barney, I'm on hold with Sports Talk AM

/ɒn/ /hoʊld/ /wɪð/ /spɔːrts/ /tɔːk/

to talk to my childhood hero from the Minnesota Twins.

/tɔːk/ /maɪ/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/

Who's your childhood hero?

/jʊr/ /ˈtʃaɪldhʊd/

Frank Viola. Frank Viola-- jinx!

Hello, this is Frank.

/ɪz/

Anyone there?

/ˈɛniwʌn/ /ðɛr/

Hello?

I can hear you breathing, you coward.

/kæn/ /hɪr/ /juː/ /juː/

So, when someone finally jinxed Barney

/wɛn/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ˈfaɪnəli/

for the first time in years,

/fɔːr/ /fɜːrst/ /taɪm/

we were pretty psyched.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ˈprɪti/

The reign of terror is over!

/ɪz/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

I've had this cigar in my pocket for two years,

/hæd/ /maɪ/ /fɔːr/ /tuː/

waiting for this moment.

/fɔːr/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

Aw, that would've been good about two years ago.

/ðæt/ /ɡʊd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /tuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/

Cheers.

Huzzah! Huzzah.

Oh, oh, oh, you want us to say your name

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /ʌs/ /seɪ/ /jʊr/ /neɪm/

and un-jinx you?

/ænd/ /juː/

I don't think so, pal.

/θɪŋk/

This is gonna be a long jinx.

/ɪz/ /biː/ /lɔːŋ/

Like Yom Kippur services long.

/laɪk/ /lɔːŋ/

The only difference is, Yom Kippur's a fast

/ˈoʊnli/ /ɪz/ /fæst/

and this one's gonna be a slow.

/ænd/ /biː/ /sloʊ/

- Oh! - Now, Ted,

/naʊ/

I was wondering if you could expand upon what you were saying

/wɒz/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /wɒt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/

earlier about antiquated currency.

/ˈɜːrliər/ /əˈbaʊt/

Ah, yes, yes.

Contrary to popular belief,

/ˈpɒpjʊlər/

the buffalo nickel was modeled on the Black Diamond bison

/wɒz/ /ɒn/ /blæk/

rather than the more iconic Western Plains bison.

/ˈrɑːðər/ /ðæn/ /mɔːr/

To wit,

if President Taft had had his way,

/ɪf/ /hæd/ /hæd/ /hɪz/ /weɪ/

we'd all be talking about the egret nickel.

/ɔːl/ /biː/ /əˈbaʊt/

In the winter of 2012 the skyscraper

/ˈwɪntər/ /ˈskaɪˌskreɪpər/

that I designed was about to open,

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈoʊ.pən/

which got me thinking about the most influential

/wɪtʃ/ /miː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /moʊst/

architecture professor I ever had.

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/ /prəˈfɛsər/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hæd/

So when the children of our grandchildren's children

/wɛn/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/ /aʊər/ /ˈtʃɪl.drən/

ask us "Who were we," they'll find the answer carved

/æsk/ /ʌs/ /huː/ /wɜːr/ /wiː/ /faɪnd/ /ˈæn.sər/

into the granite poetry of our architecture.

/ˈpəʊɪtri/ /aʊər/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Okay.

It doesn't get any better than that.

/ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

Class dismissed.

/klæs/

Wow, just wow.

/dʒʌst/

Do you need something?

/duː/ /juː/ /niːd/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

I have an apple I was hoping to eat in silence.

/hæv/ /ˈæp.əl/ /wɒz/ /ˈhoʊpɪŋ/ /iːt/

Of course, Professor Vinick, I, um,

/kɔːrs/ /prəˈfɛsər/

I-I sketched out a design,

/aʊt/ /dɪˈzaɪn/

and it'd be such an honor if you took a look at it.

/ænd/ /biː/ /sʌtʃ/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /tʊk/ /lʊk/ /ɪt/

Oh, well.

/wɛl/

It is believed

/ɪt/ /ɪz/

that it took the pharaohs over 100 years

/ðæt/ /ɪt/ /tʊk/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

to build the Sphinx.

/bɪld/

So...

you think...

/juː/ /θɪŋk/

I should spend more time on it?

/ʃʊd/ /spɛnd/ /mɔːr/ /taɪm/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

Oh, dear God, no.

/dɪər/ /noʊ/

This is terrible.

/ɪz/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/

Then, why'd you mention the Sphinx?

/ðɛn/ /juː/ /ˈmɛnʃən/

I find my mind is often with the Sphinx.

/faɪnd/ /maɪ/ /maɪnd/ /ɪz/ /ˈɔː.fən/ /wɪð/

Anyway, you'll never be an architect.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect!

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Well, guess what.

/wɛl/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/

I sent Professor Vinick

/sɛnt/ /prəˈfɛsər/

the invitation to the opening of my building,

/maɪ/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

so he'll see that I did become an architect,

/siː/ /ðæt/ /dɪd/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

and that I've moved past his petty, hurtful words.

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /pæst/ /hɪz/ /wɜːrdz/

Wow.

15 years later and you're still this obsessed.

/ˈleɪtər/ /ænd/

Yeah, if Vinick ever goes missing,

/ɪf/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɡoʊz/

the cops are gonna come looking for him in your basement.

/kʌm/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/ /jʊr/ /ˈbeɪsmənt/

Totally, he's Ted's pit guy.

/ˈtoʊtəli/ /ɡaɪ/

How dare you?

/haʊ/ /juː/

And what is that?

/ænd/ /wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

A pit guy is someone

/ɡaɪ/ /ɪz/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/

you've been obsessed with for so long...

/wɪð/ /fɔːr/ /lɔːŋ/

that it's driven you crazy enough

/ðæt/ /juː/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /ɪˈnʌf/

to throw them in a pit in your basement

/θroʊ/ /ðɛm/ /jʊr/ /ˈbeɪsmənt/

like in The Silence of the Lambs.

/laɪk/

I'm not gonna Silence of the Lambs him.

/hɪm/

At most,

/moʊst/

I'd Revenge of the Nerds him.

/hɪm/

Though I don't see a scenario where he agrees

/ðoʊ/ /siː/ /wɛr/ /hiː/

to play me in a pentathlon.

/pleɪ/ /miː/

Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there is no one I hate enough

/wɪð/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /heɪt/ /ɪˈnʌf/

to throw into a pit.

/θroʊ/

What?

/wɒt/

When Robin's most hated coworker Patrice

/wɛn/ /moʊst/ /ˈheɪtɪd/

started dating Barney,

/ˈdeɪtɪŋ/

she became obsessed.

/ʃiː/

Patrice, Patrice goes in your pit.

/ɡoʊz/ /jʊr/

Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice.

/ɡaɪz/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /dʌn/ /əˈbaʊt/

Just drop her.

/dʒʌst/ /drɒp/ /hɜːr/

Drop her in a pit.

/drɒp/ /hɜːr/

Enough.

/ɪˈnʌf/

We all have people that we would throw in our pits,

/wiː/ /ɔːl/ /hæv/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /wʊd/ /θroʊ/ /aʊər/

and I'm sure we all have people

/ænd/ /ʃʊr/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /hæv/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

who would like to throw us in their pits.

/huː/ /wʊd/ /laɪk/ /θroʊ/ /ʌs/ /ðɛr/

Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing,

/ɪf/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ɡoʊ/

I'll tell you whose basement to look in.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /ˈbeɪsmənt/ /lʊk/

Daryl LaCourte. Daryl LaCourte.

Oh, no.

/noʊ/

It's creepy Daryl.

/ˈkriːpi/

Let's get out of here before he sees us.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /hiː/ /ʌs/

Hey, hot sack coming through.

/hɒt/ /θruː/

Hi, Daryl. Hey, Daryl. Hey!

I feel like I never see you guys anymore.

/fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /siː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /ˌɛniˈmɔːr/

Like whenever I'm getting to a party, you're just leaving.

/laɪk/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈpɑːrti/ /dʒʌst/

Even that party

/ˈiːvən/ /ðæt/ /ˈpɑːrti/

at your place-- you guys just raced off

/jʊr/ /pleɪs/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /ɒf/

into the night at 7:30.

/naɪt/

That's weird.

But this is

/bʌt/ /ɪz/

great-- the three hackmigos

/ɡreɪt/ /θriː/

back together again.

/bæk/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /əˈɡɛn/

We played Hacky Sack together once freshman year, Daryl.

/wiː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /wʌns/ /ˈfrɛʃmən/ /jɪr/

Once.

/wʌns/

November 14, 1996.

That is the best memory ever.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /bɛst/ /ˈmɛməri/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Sure.

/ʃʊr/

The three hackmigos for life.

/θriː/ /fɔːr/ /laɪf/

To this day, we are still getting e-mails

/deɪ/ /wiː/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

and posts from Daryl.

/ænd/

He has commented on every photo

/hiː/ /hæz/ /ɒn/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈfoʊtoʊ/

of Baby Marvin we have ever posted,

/ˈbeɪbi/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /ˈɛv.ər/

and then

/ænd/ /ðɛn/

he comments on his own comments.

/hiː/ /ɒn/ /hɪz/ /oʊn/

Hey, guys, look, it's Bar...

/ɡaɪz/ /lʊk/ /bɑːr/

none, my favorite

/nʌn/ /maɪ/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/

non-speaking

jinxed person in the world.

/ˈpɜːrsən/ /wɜːrld/

How was

/haʊ/ /wɒz/

your day?

/jʊr/ /deɪ/

Yeah, I didn't get a word of that.

/ɡɛt/ /wɜːrd/ /ðæt/

Sorry, buddy.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈbʌdi/

Ah, Scherbatsky, it's my favorite time of year.

/maɪ/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /taɪm/ /jɪr/

Didn't know you liked Christmas so much.

/noʊ/ /juː/ /ˈkrɪsməs/ /mʌtʃ/

No, year-end reviews.

/noʊ/

We get to fire some people.

/wiː/ /ɡɛt/ /faɪər/ /sʌm/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

Get into the spirit.

/ɡɛt/

Look, Sandy, you might enjoy firing people

/lʊk/ /juː/ /maɪt/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

for petty personal differences.

/fɔːr/ /ˈpɜːrsənl/

I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhea

/kɔːl/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /miː/

a petty personal difference.

/ˈpɜːrsənl/

But I am a professional,

/bʌt/ /prəˈfɛʃənl/

and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons.

/ænd/ /wʊd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /faɪər/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈriːzənz/

Well, somebody's got to go.

/wɛl/ /ɡoʊ/

Kids, the thing about pit people,

/kɪdz/ /θɪŋ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/

sometimes you don't even know you have one

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /noʊ/ /juː/ /hæv/

until you have a chance to push 'em in.

/ənˈtɪl/ /juː/ /hæv/ /tʃæns/ /pʊʃ/

Hi, Robin.

Not happening, bro.

/ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /broʊ/

Not happening, bro.

/ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /broʊ/

Hand get tired?

/hænd/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈtaɪ.ərd/

Not happening, bro.

/ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /broʊ/

I hold in my hand

/hoʊld/ /maɪ/ /hænd/

the RSVP from Professor Vinick.

/prəˈfɛsər/

Ah, he's checked

"Will not attend," which is fine,

/wɪl/ /əˈtɛnd/ /wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /faɪn/

because all I needed to know was that he knows.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɔːl/ /noʊ/ /wɒz/ /ðæt/ /hiː/

So now I will throw this in the trash and never look at it.

/naʊ/ /wɪl/ /θroʊ/ /træʃ/ /ænd/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /lʊk/ /ɪt/

What's this?

"I believe you've sent this to the wrong person.

/bɪˈliːv/ /sɛnt/ /rɒŋ/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

I have no idea who Ted Mosby is."

/hæv/ /noʊ/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /huː/ /ɪz/

Oh, you'll remember who I am, Professor Vinick.

/rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /huː/ /prəˈfɛsər/

You'll never forget it.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /fərˈɡɛt/ /ɪt/

Not happening, bro.

/ˈhæpənɪŋ/ /broʊ/

Ted, just because we're coming with you to Wesleyan

/dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /wɪð/ /juː/

does not mean that we condone your behavior.

/dʌz/ /miːn/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /jʊr/

Just using it as an excuse

/dʒʌst/ /ɪt/ /ɪkˈskjuːz/

to see the old campus...

/siː/ /oʊld/ /ˈkæmpəs/

and maybe watch you have a complete mental breakdown.

/ænd/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /wɒtʃ/ /juː/ /hæv/ /kəmˈpliːt/ /ˈmɛntl/

What are you even gonna do when you see Professor Vinick?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/ /duː/ /wɛn/ /juː/ /siː/ /prəˈfɛsər/

Oh, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

/tɛl/ /juː/ /wɒt/ /duː/

Sweet merciful Franks Gehry and Lloyd Wright,

/swiːt/ /ænd/

from what brilliant mind was this work of art sired?

/wɒt/ /maɪnd/ /wɒz/ /wɜːrk/ /ɑːrt/

Mosby. Mosby.

Ted Mosby. Ted Mosby.

Architect.

/ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

But that's-that's...

/bʌt/

Impossible?

/ɪmˈpɒsɪbl/

Looks like you were wrong, Vinick.

/laɪk/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /rɒŋ/

Dead wrong.

/dɛd/ /rɒŋ/

No! Ko!

/noʊ/

Be careful, Ted.

/biː/ /ˈkɛr.fəl/

Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɜːrk/ /aʊt/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/

Especially dance- based revenge.

/ɪˈspɛʃəli/ /dæns/

My prom was rough, guys.

/maɪ/ /wɒz/ /rʌf/ /ɡaɪz/

We're almost there.

/ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /ðɛr/

Oh, I can't wait to see the old campus.

/weɪt/ /siː/ /oʊld/ /ˈkæmpəs/

I'm gonna grab one of those giant dining hall hot dogs.

/ɡræb/ /ðoʊz/ /ˈdaɪnɪŋ/ /hɔːl/ /hɒt/ /dɒɡz/

Oh, I love those huge wieners.

/lʌv/ /ðoʊz/ /hjuːdʒ/

I'm not so sure you heard me.

/ʃʊr/ /juː/ /hɜːrd/ /miː/

I said, "I love those huge wieners."

/sɛd/ /lʌv/ /ðoʊz/ /hjuːdʒ/

I love them.

/lʌv/ /ðɛm/

In my mouth.

/maɪ/ /maʊθ/

So, let me ask you a few questions, Clarice... Patrice.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /æsk/ /juː/ /fjuː/ /ˈkwɛstʃənz/

How would you rate your performance

/haʊ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /jʊr/ /pəˈfɔːməns/

in the last six months?

/læst/ /sɪks/

Well, I don't like to talk about myself,

/wɛl/ /laɪk/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

but all my coworkers deserve an A-double-plus,

/bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/

that's for suresies.

/fɔːr/

fancy lotion.

It puts the lotion in the basket.

/ɪt/

It's just, this is really nice lotion.

/dʒʌst/ /ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /naɪs/

And what a pretty basket, Robin.

/ænd/ /wɒt/ /ˈprɪti/

I know, that's why I bought it, Patrice!

/noʊ/ /waɪ/ /bɔːt/ /ɪt/

Man, it's like

/mæn/ /laɪk/

nothing has changed. Mmm, I know.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /hæz/ /tʃeɪndʒd/ /noʊ/

The bun, the relish.

That's a knee.

It's a beautifully drawn knee, so?

That's a barn.

Oh, knee barn, right.

/raɪt/

That's a great idea, Lily.

/ɡreɪt/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

On the way home, we should stop

/ɒn/ /weɪ/ /hoʊm/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /stɒp/

at the knee barn,

pick us up some wholesale knees. Yeah.

/pɪk/ /ʌs/ /ʌp/ /sʌm/

Marshall? Lily! Marshall? Lily!

You... you're here.

/juː/ /hɪr/

- Hi, Daryl. - Hi, Daryl.

Hi.

Wow,

after all these years.

/ˈæf.tər/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

You look just like you do in my paintings.

/juː/ /lʊk/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /juː/ /duː/ /maɪ/

Come here, guys.

/kʌm/ /hɪr/ /ɡaɪz/

There are men and there are gods.

/ðɛr/ /mɛn/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/

Antoni Gaudí was both.

/wɒz/ /boʊθ/

There are jerk faces and there are buttholes.

/ðɛr/ /dʒɜːrk/ /ænd/ /ðɛr/

Professor Vinick was both.

/prəˈfɛsər/ /wɒz/ /boʊθ/

Good one, Ted.

/ɡʊd/

Come on, Vinick, give me an opening.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/

Gaudí's architecture gave expression

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/ /ɡeɪv/

to the anarchic geometric form of nature.

/fɔːrm/

"Gaudí's architecture..."

/ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/

Actually, that's a really good point.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/ /pɔɪnt/

♪ Wow, Professor Vinick

/prəˈfɛsər/

♪ Man, you taught me so much

/mæn/ /juː/ /tɔːt/ /miː/ /mʌtʃ/

♪ About architecture and life

/əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɑːrkɪtɛktʃər/ /ænd/ /laɪf/

♪ God, your lectures are so cool ♪

/jʊr/ /kuːl/

♪ I'll earn your respect and we'll be best friends. ♪

/ɜːrn/ /jʊr/ /rɪˈspɛkt/ /ænd/ /biː/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/

Okay, it doesn't get any better than that.

/ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /ðæn/ /ðæt/

No, it doesn't.

/noʊ/ /ɪt/

What are you doing here, Daryl?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /hɪr/

Well, I live right down the street.

/wɛl/ /lɪv/ /raɪt/ /daʊn/ /striːt/

But I work right here.

/bʌt/ /wɜːrk/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/

Whoa. Oh, boy.

/bɔɪ/

Are those...

/ðoʊz/

...our, our faces up there, buddy?

/aʊər/ /aʊər/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/ /ˈbʌdi/

Hack, yeah!

It was just as much your idea as mine

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /mʌtʃ/ /jʊr/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /maɪn/

to open up a Hacky Sack store here at Wesleyan.

/ˈoʊ.pən/ /ʌp/ /stɔːr/ /hɪr/

So you never left?

/juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /lɛft/

Once. I met a girl on Craigslist,

/wʌns/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ɒn/

and I flew to Boston to meet her.

/ænd/ /miːt/ /hɜːr/

She was a man, 300 pounds, and robbed me.

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /mæn/ /ænd/ /miː/

Still, the best night of my life.

/bɛst/ /naɪt/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

Until now!

/ənˈtɪl/ /naʊ/

The three hackmigos back together again!

/θriː/ /bæk/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /əˈɡɛn/

You know, I've been waiting forever to give you something.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /fərˈɛvər/ /ɡɪv/ /juː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

You're coming with me to my house,

/wɪð/ /miː/ /maɪ/ /haʊs/

and I'm not taking no for an answer.

/ænd/ /noʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈæn.sər/

Dude, this is your chance.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /tʃæns/

Set me free, and I will lie you out

/sɛt/ /miː/ /friː/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /laɪ/ /juː/ /aʊt/

of this creepynightmare.

This is a tough one.

/ɪz/

On the one hand, we might die.

/ɒn/ /hænd/ /wiː/ /maɪt/ /daɪ/

On the other, you're jinxed.

/ɒn/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Let me free, Marshall.

/lɛt/ /miː/ /friː/

This guy could be violent.

/ɡaɪ/ /kʊd/ /biː/ /ˈvaɪələnt/

Violent... Viola... Violent... Viola...

/ˈvaɪələnt/ /ˈvaɪələnt/

Frank Viola. Frank Viola.

We would love to come to your house, Daryl!

/wiː/ /wʊd/ /lʌv/ /kʌm/ /jʊr/ /haʊs/

Yeah! Yeah!

Okay, um... Okay,

how often are you and Barney doing it?

/haʊ/ /ˈɔː.fən/ /juː/ /ænd/ /ɪt/

That's a strange question, Robin.

/streɪndʒ/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/

You're right.

/raɪt/

Maybe I should leave.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃʊd/ /liːv/

Yeah, maybe you should.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/

You're fired.

/faɪərd/

Wow. Just wow.

/dʒʌst/

Ted Mosby. I'm a former student of yours.

/ˈstuː.dənt/ /jɔːrz/

You know, I actually became an architect.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Any chance you remember me?

/ˈɛn.i/ /tʃæns/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /miː/

Oh, please excuse me, I've been teaching for over 20 years.

/pliːz/ /ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/ /ˈtiːtʃɪŋ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

All the faces start to blend together

/ɔːl/ /stɑːrt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

unless you have a, a weird mustache or, or something.

/ənˈlɛs/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Junior year I tried to grow muttonchops,

/jɪr/ /ɡroʊ/

but people kept saying my face made them nauseous.

/bʌt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /maɪ/ /feɪs/ /ðɛm/

Well, not people. You.

/wɛl/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /juː/

Anay, I would be honored if you,

/wʊd/ /biː/ /ɪf/ /juː/

if you took a look at my building.

/ɪf/ /juː/ /tʊk/ /lʊk/ /maɪ/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

This...

is hideous.

/ɪz/

You'll never be an architect.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect. You'll never be an architect!

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

You'll never be an architect.

/ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Wait. I was mistaken.

/weɪt/ /wɒz/

You most definitely will be an architect.

/juː/ /moʊst/ /ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /ˈɑːrkɪtekt/

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

These are astonishing,

/ðiːz/

Handlebar Pete. Handlebar Pete.

So, when you said "surprise in your house,"

/wɛn/ /juː/ /sɛd/ /sərˈpraɪz/ /jʊr/ /haʊs/

what you really meant was "surprise in the poorly lit

/wɒt/ /juː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɒz/ /sərˈpraɪz/

windowless basement of your house."

/ˈbeɪsmənt/ /jʊr/ /haʊs/

Oh, you guys are gonna love what I have to show you.

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /lʌv/ /wɒt/ /hæv/ /ʃoʊ/ /juː/

I am so excited, I could just cry and laugh and scream

/ɪkˈsaɪ.tɪd/ /kʊd/ /dʒʌst/ /kraɪ/ /ænd/ /læf/ /ænd/ /skriːm/

and just punch the wall

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /pʌntʃ/ /wɔːl/

over and over and over and over and over!

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /ænd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ænd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ænd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /ænd/ /ˈoʊ.vər/

Could we just see it,

/kʊd/ /wiː/ /dʒʌst/ /siː/ /ɪt/

like, up in the living room

/laɪk/ /ʌp/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /ruːm/

or anywhere less... gimp-storagey?

/ˈɛniˌwɛr/ /lɛs/

I just realized

/dʒʌst/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/

I want to take a picture of this.

/wɒnt/ /teɪk/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/

I want to put your faces on my mantel like a trophy.

/wɒnt/ /pʊt/ /jʊr/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/ /laɪk/

Like a trophy!

/laɪk/

Aah...! Aah...!

Here I come.

/hɪr/ /kʌm/

And I've got your surprise right here!

/ænd/ /jʊr/ /sərˈpraɪz/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/

No! We don't want your surprise, Daryl!

/noʊ/ /wiː/ /wɒnt/ /jʊr/ /sərˈpraɪz/

We're not your amigos,

/jʊr/

we're definitely not your hackmigos.

/ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/ /jʊr/

And before you murder us,

/ænd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ˈmɜːdər/ /ʌs/

you should know that we have a child!

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /wiː/ /hæv/ /tʃaɪld/

He probably has eight or nine!

/hiː/ /ˈprɒbəbli/ /hæz/ /eɪt/

What? Murder?

/wɒt/ /ˈmɜːdər/

I wanted to give you a check.

/ɡɪv/ /juː/ /tʃɛk/

For $100,000...

/fɔːr/

for coming up with the idea of the Three Hackmigos with me.

/fɔːr/ /ʌp/ /wɪð/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/ /θriː/ /wɪð/ /miː/

I brought you down here to show you all my inventory.

/juː/ /daʊn/ /hɪr/ /ʃoʊ/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/

Business has really exploded.

/ˈbɪznɪs/ /hæz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

I mean, I'm sort of the Mark Zuckerberg

/miːn/ /sɔːrt/ /mɑːrk/

of jam-band concert parking lot athletics.

/ˈkɒnsərt/ /lɒt/

Well, second.

/wɛl/ /ˈsɛk.ənd/

But I'm coming for you, Devil Stick Ron.

/bʌt/ /fɔːr/ /juː/ /stɪk/

Why would you fire me?

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /faɪər/ /miː/

Because nobody should be as happy as you are.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈnoʊ.bɒd.i/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /ˈhæp.i/ /juː/

And also your cookies... they're only pretty good.

/ænd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /jʊr/ /ˈkʊkiz/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈprɪti/ /ɡʊd/

Robin, is this really about me?

/ɪz/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /əˈbaʊt/ /miː/

No, it's not.

/noʊ/

The old "fire and bang." Respect, Scherbatsky.

/oʊld/ /faɪər/ /ænd/ /rɪˈspɛkt/

Pretty good, right? Right, Handlebar Pete?

/ˈprɪti/ /ɡʊd/ /raɪt/ /raɪt/

Ah, you got it easy with that sweet, sweet 'stache.

/juː/ /ɪt/ /ˈiː.zi/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /swiːt/ /swiːt/

Hey, Ted, I see you're holding a little version of your building

/siː/ /ˈhoʊldɪŋ/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈvɜːrʒən/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

and yelling at strangers.

/ænd/

So I assume it all worked out?

/ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /wɜːrkt/ /aʊt/

I realized, since I work in a three-dimensional medium,

/ˈriːəlaɪzd/ /sɪns/ /wɜːrk/

the only way to really stick it to Vinick would be

/ˈoʊnli/ /weɪ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /stɪk/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/

with a three-dimensional model.

/wɪð/ /ˈmɒdəl/

Whatever you do, don't march in there

/juː/ /duː/ /ðɛr/

thinking, "I'm gonna do the worm.

/duː/

That'll show 'em!"

/ʃoʊ/

Seriously, guys,

/ˈsɪəriəsli/ /ɡaɪz/

I can't stress enough how bad my prom was.

/strɛs/ /ɪˈnʌf/ /haʊ/ /bæd/ /maɪ/ /wɒz/

Speaking of the past...

/ˈspiːkɪŋ/ /pæst/

Wow, we feel like idiots. We're sorry.

/wiː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ˈsɒr.i/

You know, honestly, it's fine.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈɒnɪstli/ /faɪn/

Look how great I'm doing.

/lʊk/ /haʊ/ /ɡreɪt/

Look at what I've built. I don't need

/lʊk/ /wɒt/ /bɪlt/ /niːd/

the validation of some people from college

/sʌm/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

to feel good about myself.

/fiːl/ /ɡʊd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /maɪˈsɛlf/

My life is amazing!

/maɪ/ /laɪf/ /ɪz/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

I own a timeshare in St. Barts with P-Funk!

/oʊn/ /wɪð/

The, the whole band?

/hoʊl/ /bænd/

Yeah.

Do you guys jam?

/duː/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

That's all we do.

/ɔːl/ /wiː/ /duː/

So, you completely rejected

/juː/ /kəmˈpliːtli/

the guy who's been obsessing

/ɡaɪ/

about you for 16 years, and he was okay with it?

/əˈbaʊt/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /ænd/ /hiː/ /wɒz/ /wɪð/ /ɪt/

Whoa. Whoa.

Is creepy Daryl more emotionally adjusted than I am?

/ɪz/ /ˈkriːpi/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/

Kids, sometimes in life

/kɪdz/ /ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /laɪf/

you'll make a pit for someone in your mind.

/meɪk/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/

But ultimately the only person in that pit is yourself.

/bʌt/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpɜːrsən/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

Just seeing you with Barney has brought up

/dʒʌst/ /juː/ /wɪð/ /hæz/ /ʌp/

some old feelings, and I...

/sʌm/ /oʊld/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/ /ænd/

I really don't like feelings.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /laɪk/ /ˈfiːlɪŋz/

But that's not your fault or Barney's fault.

/bʌt/ /jʊr/ /fɔːlt/ /fɔːlt/

It's just really hard seeing you with him.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /hɑːrd/ /juː/ /wɪð/ /hɪm/

♪ There's been a book on the side of the bed... ♪ ♪ There's been a book on the side of the bed... ♪

/bʊk/ /ɒn/ /saɪd/ /bɛd/ /bʊk/ /ɒn/ /saɪd/ /bɛd/

Which means there's only one person

/wɪtʃ/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈpɜːrsən/

who can let you out of the pit.

/huː/ /kæn/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /aʊt/

♪ Many years from now ♪ Many years from now

/ˈmɛn.i/ /naʊ/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /naʊ/

♪ I know you'll hear me somehow... ♪ ♪ I know you'll hear me somehow... ♪

/noʊ/ /hɪr/ /miː/ /noʊ/ /hɪr/ /miː/

So you fired Patrice?

/juː/ /faɪərd/

No, she's staying.

/noʊ/

♪ The places we will go... ♪ The places we will go...

/wiː/ /wɪl/ /ɡoʊ/ /wiː/ /wɪl/ /ɡoʊ/

Let's get out of here, guys.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /ɡaɪz/

Oh, Mr. Mosby.

You built a model of your building.

/juː/ /bɪlt/ /ˈmɒdəl/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

No.

/noʊ/

Why? To prove some sort of point?

/waɪ/ /pruːv/ /sʌm/ /sɔːrt/ /pɔɪnt/

This is just sad.

/ɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /sæd/

No, no, I was just throwing it out.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /wɒz/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪt/ /aʊt/

Sure, you were.

/ʃʊr/ /juː/ /wɜːr/

No!

/noʊ/

No, I-I-I had a transcendent moment

/noʊ/ /hæd/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

where I found emotional clarity!

/wɛr/ /ɪˈmoʊʃənəl/

And I realize shouting that

/ænd/ /ðæt/

makes it seem like it's not true, but I did!

/ɪt/ /siːm/ /laɪk/ /truː/ /bʌt/ /dɪd/

Yeah, we're gonna grab some snacks.

/ɡræb/ /sʌm/

You guys want anything?

/juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /wɒnt/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/

Spicy beef jerky.

/ˈspaɪsi/ /biːf/

Got you loud and clear.

/juː/ /laʊd/ /ænd/ /klɪər/

Oh, my God! Barney!

/maɪ/

You unjinxed me!

/juː/ /miː/

I'm free! If the bison

/friː/ /ɪf/

on the nickel could hear you talk about them,

/ɒn/ /kʊd/ /hɪr/ /juː/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðɛm/

they would diminish their population even further on purpose.

/ðeɪ/ /wʊd/ /ðɛr/ /ˈiːvən/ /ɒn/

If Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth, she's got my number.

/ɪf/ /bɪɡ/ /hɜːr/ /maʊθ/ /maɪ/ /ˈnʌmbər/

And I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on

/ænd/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /tʊk/ /fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /ɒn/

the car ride up here. That was me!

/kɑːr/ /raɪd/ /ʌp/ /hɪr/ /ðæt/ /wɒz/ /miː/

The ring! What's, what's, what's the ring?

/rɪŋ/ /rɪŋ/

Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask Patrice to marry me.

/raɪt/ /rɪŋ/ /æsk/ /ˈmæri/ /miː/

Are you serious?

/juː/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

Jinx! Good!

/ɡʊd/

I need to say some things without you interrupting.

/niːd/ /seɪ/ /sʌm/ /θɪŋz/ /wɪˈðaʊt/ /juː/

Yes, I am serious. I know that if you could talk,

/ˈsɪəriəs/ /noʊ/ /ðæt/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /kʊd/ /tɔːk/

you'd say that I'm crazy

/seɪ/ /ðæt/ /ˈkreɪzi/

or that I'm overcorrecting or that I'm moving too fast.

/ðæt/ /ðæt/ /fæst/

But you would be wrong.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /rɒŋ/

Look, I have banged my way through every bimbo

/lʊk/ /hæv/ /maɪ/ /weɪ/ /θruː/ /ˈɛv.ri/

in the tristate area, and it left me

/ˈɛriə/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /lɛft/ /miː/

feeling nothing but, but broken.

/ˈfiːlɪŋ/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /bʌt/ /bʌt/

But now, with Patrice,

/bʌt/ /naʊ/ /wɪð/

for the first time in my life, I feel settled and happy.

/fɔːr/ /fɜːrst/ /taɪm/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /fiːl/ /ænd/ /ˈhæp.i/

I want to feel this way forever.

/wɒnt/ /fiːl/ /weɪ/ /fərˈɛvər/

So tomorrow night on the roof

/təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /naɪt/ /ɒn/ /ruːf/

of the World Wide News building--

/wɜːrld/ /waɪd/ /njuːz/ /ˈbɪldɪŋ/

that's Patrice's favorite spot--

/ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /spɒt/

I'm gonna ask her to marry me.

/æsk/ /hɜːr/ /ˈmæri/ /miː/

Ah, poot-tu-tat! You're jinxed.

I'll unjinx you if you'll follow these two rules:

/juː/ /ɪf/ /ˈfɒl.oʊ/ /ðiːz/ /tuː/

one: you can't try to talk me out of it,

/juː/ /traɪ/ /tɔːk/ /miː/ /aʊt/ /ɪt/

and two: you can't tell anybody. Agreed?

/ænd/ /tuː/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /ˈɛn.i.bɒd.i/

It's a jinx swear, so if you break it,

/swɛər/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /breɪk/ /ɪt/

I get to hit you in the nuts three times

/ɡɛt/ /juː/ /nʌts/ /θriː/ /taɪmz/

with a Wiffle ball bat.

/wɪð/ /bɔːl/

Thank you... Ted.

/juː/

Hey... Hey...

Hi, guys!

/ɡaɪz/

No. But you're jinxed!

/noʊ/ /bʌt/

I tricked Ted into saying my name.

/maɪ/ /neɪm/

Aw, come on, Ted!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Jinx! Jinx! Ha-ha!

The reign of terror is back!

/ɪz/ /bæk/

Hey, if you guys don't want me to smoke

/ɪf/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /wɒnt/ /miː/ /smoʊk/

or fart in here, just speak up.

/hɪr/ /dʒʌst/ /spiːk/ /ʌp/

Nothing? Great.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ɡreɪt/

Thanks for the spicy beef jerky, dude.

/fɔːr/ /ˈspaɪsi/ /biːf/

Anyway, I think we could all use a little quiet.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /θɪŋk/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /ɔːl/ /juːz/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /ˈkwaɪɪt/

Unless you have something you want to talk about, Ted?

/ənˈlɛs/ /juː/ /hæv/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /tɔːk/ /əˈbaʊt/

No.