Season 8 · Tập 23

Kids, in the spring of 2013,

/kɪdz/ /sprɪŋ/

we were all tying up loose ends before the big wedding.

/wiː/ /wɜːr/ /ɔːl/ /ʌp/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

I was right here in this very room,

/wɒz/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ruːm/

putting the finishing touches on the house.

/ɒn/ /haʊs/

Oh, come on!

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Barney and Robin were wrapping up rehearsal

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /ʌp/

for their first dance.

/fɔːr/ /ðɛr/ /fɜːrst/ /dæns/

That was amazing. We can do better.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /wiː/ /kæn/ /duː/ /ˈbɛt.ər/

Back to one, everyone!

/bæk/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

Reload the cannons, we'll go again right away.

/ɡoʊ/ /əˈɡɛn/ /raɪt/ /əˈweɪ/

And Lily and Marshall were packing

/ænd/ /ænd/ /wɜːr/ /ˈpækɪŋ/

for their year in Italy.

/fɔːr/ /ðɛr/ /jɪr/ /ˈɪtəli/

Hello.

How's my favorite daughter-in-law?

/maɪ/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/

Oh, things are

/θɪŋz/

a bit crazy here.

/ˈkreɪzi/ /hɪr/

We've got this big move to Rome coming up,

/bɪɡ/ /muːv/ /roʊm/ /ʌp/

and I, I just can't shake the feeling

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈfiːlɪŋ/

that I'm forgetting something, you know.

/ðæt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /juː/ /noʊ/

I know, I know, I'm being crazy, right?

/noʊ/ /noʊ/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /raɪt/

Right, Judy?

/raɪt/

Right, Judy?

/raɪt/

You're moving to Rome?!

/roʊm/

Is that my mom?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /maɪ/ /mɒm/

Don't mention Rome.

/ˈmɛnʃən/ /roʊm/

You didn't tell your mom about Rome?

/juː/ /tɛl/ /jʊr/ /mɒm/ /əˈbaʊt/ /roʊm/

It didn't feel right.

/ɪt/ /fiːl/ /raɪt/

This isn't over-the-phone news.

/njuːz/

This is face-to-face news.

/ɪz/ /njuːz/

I was gonna tell her when we see her at Christmas.

/wɒz/ /tɛl/ /hɜːr/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /siː/ /hɜːr/ /ˈkrɪsməs/

You were gonna wait and tell her

/juː/ /wɜːr/ /weɪt/ /ænd/ /tɛl/ /hɜːr/

after we had already been living there for six months?

/ˈæf.tər/ /wiː/ /hæd/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /ðɛr/ /fɔːr/ /sɪks/

That... was a great plan.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ɡreɪt/ /plæn/

Damn it.

/ɪt/

Hey, Mom, it's Marshall.

/mɒm/

If you're moving to Rome,

/ɪf/ /roʊm/

I at least need to see my grandson before you go!

/liːst/ /niːd/ /siː/ /maɪ/ /ˈɡrænsʌn/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /ɡoʊ/

Of course, and that is why we would love

/kɔːrs/ /ænd/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/ /wiː/ /wʊd/ /lʌv/

for you to come visit us for a week.

/fɔːr/ /juː/ /kʌm/ /ˈvɪz.ɪt/ /ʌs/ /fɔːr/ /wiːk/

No.

/noʊ/

The place will be all packed up.

/pleɪs/ /wɪl/ /biː/ /ɔːl/ /ʌp/

Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom, better idea:

/mɒm/ /ˈbɛt.ər/ /aɪˈdɪ.ə/

how about we all come visit you for a week?

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /wiː/ /ɔːl/ /kʌm/ /ˈvɪz.ɪt/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /wiːk/

I can't go to Minnesota for a week.

/ɡoʊ/ /fɔːr/ /wiːk/

I have a job.

/hæv/ /dʒɒb/

Okay, Mom, here's the plan: um, Lily has to work,

/mɒm/ /plæn/ /hæz/ /wɜːrk/

so Marvin and I will come visit you for a whole week,

/ænd/ /wɪl/ /kʌm/ /ˈvɪz.ɪt/ /juː/ /fɔːr/ /hoʊl/ /wiːk/

and I-I'll see if I can get a last-minute flight.

/ænd/ /siː/ /ɪf/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /flaɪt/

You are going to take my infant son

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /teɪk/ /maɪ/ /ˈɪnfənt/ /sʌn/

away from me for a whole week?

/əˈweɪ/ /miː/ /fɔːr/ /hoʊl/ /wiːk/

Whoo! Whoo!

/wuː/ /wuː/

So, what do you want to do tonight--

/wɒt/ /duː/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /duː/ /təˈnaɪt/

drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire?

/drɪŋk/ /blaɪnd/ /sɛt/ /kɑːr/ /ɒn/ /faɪər/

Ooh, watch a movie that doesn't start

/wɒtʃ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ðæt/ /stɑːrt/

with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital "I"?

/wɪð/ /dɛsk/ /læmp/ /ɒn/ /tɒp/

I'm all yours, Teddy Westside.

/ɔːl/ /jɔːrz/ /ˈtɛdi/

Actually, tonight it's Teddy Westchester.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /təˈnaɪt/ /ˈtɛdi/

Got to head up to the house, take care of some stuff.

/hɛd/ /ʌp/ /haʊs/ /teɪk/ /kɛr/ /sʌm/ /stʌf/

Oh, yeah, how's the restoration going?

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/

Actually, done.

/ˈæktʃuəli/ /dʌn/

You finished the house?

/juː/ /ˈfɪnɪʃt/ /haʊs/

Well, I want to see it.

/wɛl/ /wɒnt/ /siː/ /ɪt/

Marshall already canceled the cable, huh?

/ɔːlˈrɛd.i/

And the Wi-Fi. It's like Little House

/ænd/ /laɪk/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /haʊs/

on the Freaking Prairie up there.

/ɒn/ /ʌp/ /ðɛr/

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Well, the wedding planning is done,

/wɛl/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /dʌn/

so tonight is all about relaxing and celebrating

/təˈnaɪt/ /ɪz/ /ɔːl/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ænd/

everything that makes us awesome,

/ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ʌs/ /ˈɔːsəm/

which is why

/wɪtʃ/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/

I requested our favorite table.

/aʊər/ /ˈfeɪvərɪt/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

The one by the window.

/ˈwɪndoʊ/

Where we were sitting the night we saw those two bums fighting.

/wɛr/ /wiː/ /wɜːr/ /naɪt/ /wiː/ /sɔː/ /ðoʊz/ /tuː/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/

Over a sandwich.

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈsænwɪtʃ/

We almost called the cops.

/wiː/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/

And then we realized they weren't fighting at all.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /wiː/ /ˈriːəlaɪzd/ /ðeɪ/ /ˈfaɪtɪŋ/ /ɔːl/

They were making love.

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /lʌv/

Over a sandwich.

/ˈoʊ.vər/ /ˈsænwɪtʃ/

Oh, I almost forgot.

/ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /fərˈɡɒt/

Ha-ha, yeah. No way, is that...?

/noʊ/ /weɪ/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

El Piramide. El Piramide.

The first cigar we ever smoked together.

/fɜːrst/ /wiː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

Aw, Barney. Aw, Barney.

Excuse me.

/ɪkˈskjuːz/ /miː/

Hi.

Could you not? Thanks.

/kʊd/ /juː/

Uh... Uh...

dude, I'm not gonna light 'em up in here.

/laɪt/ /ʌp/ /hɪr/

I'm just looking at 'em.

/dʒʌst/

Right, but even when they're unlit,

/raɪt/ /bʌt/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɛn/

the smell-- it's very...

/smɛl/ /ˈvɛr.i/

Pungent.

Exactly-- thank you.

/ɪɡˈzæktli/ /juː/

It's a very pungent smell.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /smɛl/

So, could you not?

/kʊd/ /juː/

Thanks.

Okay.

I'm sorry, can you also put the bag away?

/ˈsɒr.i/ /kæn/ /juː/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /pʊt/ /bæɡ/ /əˈweɪ/

It-It's just really unappetizing to look at.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /lʊk/

You're unappetizing to look at.

/lʊk/

You know what? Um, I'll put them away, okay?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /pʊt/ /ðɛm/ /əˈweɪ/

Enjoy your night.

/ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /jʊr/ /naɪt/

We'll try.

/traɪ/

Did those two just become our archenemies?

/dɪd/ /ðoʊz/ /tuː/ /dʒʌst/ /bɪˈkʌm/ /aʊər/

No, Robin, they've always been

/noʊ/ /ˈɔːl.weɪz/

our archenemies.

/aʊər/

They've only just revealed themselves.

/ˈoʊnli/ /dʒʌst/

Hi, Kristen?

Everyone pronounces it wrong.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ɪt/ /rɒŋ/

The "R" is after the "I""

/ɪz/ /ˈæf.tər/

Kirsten. Kirsten.

And before the "I""

/ænd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

It's Krirsten.

Your table's ready.

/jʊr/ /ˈrɛd.i/

Wow, they're "trerrible""

You know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Don't even think about them, okay?

/ˈiːvən/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ðɛm/

Tonight is about celebrating us. You're right, you're right.

/təˈnaɪt/ /ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ʌs/ /raɪt/ /raɪt/

- We shouldn't let a couple... - Nope, nope.

/wiː/ /lɛt/ /ˈkʌpəl/

I'm a self-diagnosed claustrophobic.

I have to sit next to the window.

/hæv/ /sɪt/ /nɛkst/ /ˈwɪndoʊ/

No, that's our table, that's our table,

/noʊ/ /aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

that's our table, that's our table, that's our table,

/aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

that's our table.

/aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

You know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Screw celebrating us. You know what we're gonna do?

/skruː/ /ʌs/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /duː/

Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay.

/meɪk/ /ðoʊz/ /peɪ/

Aw... Aw...

So Aunt Lily and I drove up to Westchester.

/ænt/ /ænd/ /ʌp/

Hey, baby,

/ˈbeɪbi/

how's Minnesota?

It is so much fun.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /mʌtʃ/ /fʌn/

Oh, hold on one sec.

/hoʊld/ /ɒn/

Marshall, I made you this welcome-home ice cream sundae.

/juː/ /aɪs/ /kriːm/

But I can't remember, do you like crushed nuts?

/bʌt/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /duː/ /juː/ /laɪk/ /nʌts/

I love

/lʌv/

crushed nuts.

/nʌts/

Oh! Oh!

Anyway, it's, it's great to be home.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ɡreɪt/ /biː/ /hoʊm/

How's Judy doing?

Oh, she's great.

/ɡreɪt/

It's cute, you know, she keeps joking

/kjuːt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ʃiː/

about how she's not gonna let us leave.

/əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/ /lɛt/ /ʌs/ /liːv/

I'm really not.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

It's not a joke.

/dʒoʊk/

Judy's going to talk him out of going to Rome.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /tɔːk/ /hɪm/ /aʊt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /roʊm/

I knew something was going to screw up our plans,

/njuː/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /skruː/ /ʌp/ /aʊər/

and this is it.

/ænd/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/

She is going to convince him never to leave the country.

/ʃiː/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hɪm/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /liːv/ /ˈkʌn.tri/

I think you're imagining things.

/θɪŋk/ /θɪŋz/

Oh, yeah? Well, check out what's already on Facebook.

/wɛl/ /tʃɛk/ /aʊt/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /ɒn/

Inconclusive.

Oh, really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

It's getting conclusiver.

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/

Hey, Lily.

What? Come on.

/wɒt/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

Okay, open 'em.

/ˈoʊ.pən/

Your eyes-- sorry, they should have been closed.

/jʊr/ /aɪz/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /ðeɪ/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /kloʊzd/

That one's on me.

/ðæt/ /ɒn/ /miː/

Let's try again.

/traɪ/ /əˈɡɛn/

Wow. Wow.

Ted, you did this all yourself?

/juː/ /dɪd/ /ɔːl/ /jɔːrˈsɛlf/

Just like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

/dʒʌst/ /laɪk/

I was pretty manly till I mentioned

/wɒz/ /ˈprɪti/

Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, huh?

Even I haven't seen it, Ted.

/ˈiːvən/ /ɪt/

Just think, this is the house

/dʒʌst/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪz/ /haʊs/

your kids are going to grow up in.

/jʊr/ /kɪdz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ɡroʊ/ /ʌp/

They are going to roast marshmallows

/ðeɪ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /roʊst/

in this fireplace.

They're gonna experiment

/ɪkˈspɛrɪmənt/

with recreational drugs

/wɪð/

on that porch.

/ɒn/ /ðæt/

They're gonna sit on a couch right here

/sɪt/ /ɒn/ /kaʊtʃ/ /raɪt/ /hɪr/

and listen to your boring stories about...

/ænd/ /ˈlɪs.ən/ /jʊr/ /ˈbɔːrɪŋ/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /əˈbaʊt/

"For sale" sign?

/fɔːr/ /saɪn/

Are you selling this place?

/juː/ /pleɪs/

Yeah.

Why?

/waɪ/

Because I'm moving to Chicago.

/bɪˈkɔːz/

Ow. Ow.

So, what are we gonna do--

/wɒt/ /wiː/ /duː/

put something in their food,

/pʊt/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðɛr/ /fuːd/

key their car? Ooh,

/kiː/ /ðɛr/ /kɑːr/

do either of those cigars explode?

/duː/ /ˈiː.ðər/ /ðoʊz/

Hold on, Wile E. Coyote, I think I got something.

/hoʊld/ /ɒn/ /θɪŋk/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

He's checking out the hostess.

/aʊt/

Now, a guy who's happily in a relationship sees a girl

/naʊ/ /ɡaɪ/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/ /ɡɜːrl/

like that, he'll check her out maybe 14, 15 times, tops.

/laɪk/ /ðæt/ /tʃɛk/ /hɜːr/ /aʊt/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /taɪmz/

16 times, tops.

/taɪmz/

So Krirsten's more invested in the relationship

/mɔːr/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

than her fella is.

/ðæn/ /hɜːr/ /ɪz/

That could spell trouble.

/ðæt/ /kʊd/ /ˈtrʌbəl/

Challenge accepted.

/ˈtʃælɪndʒ/

Hey, do you think it's bad luck for a bride

/duː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /bæd/ /lʌk/ /fɔːr/ /braɪd/

to break up two strangers a week before her wedding?

/breɪk/ /ʌp/ /tuː/ /wiːk/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /hɜːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

I'd say it's very bad luck... for Krirsten.

/seɪ/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /bæd/ /lʌk/ /fɔːr/

Ow, I hate this table so much!

/heɪt/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/ /mʌtʃ/

Why would you move

/waɪ/ /wʊd/ /juː/ /muːv/

to Chicago?

Because it's the perfect town for me.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /taʊn/ /fɔːr/ /miː/

I-It's like a Clevelandy New York,

/laɪk/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

and-- don't act like you haven't noticed--

/ænd/ /ækt/ /laɪk/ /juː/

my hair excels in the wind.

/maɪ/ /hɛr/ /wɪnd/

Besides,

you're moving to Rome.

/roʊm/

Yeah, for a year, a-and when we get back,

/fɔːr/ /jɪr/ /wɛn/ /wiː/ /ɡɛt/ /bæk/

we need you to be here waiting for us,

/wiː/ /niːd/ /juː/ /biː/ /hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

hopefully living in this house with your future bride.

/ˈlɪvɪŋ/ /haʊs/ /wɪð/ /jʊr/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /braɪd/

Wha... what future bride?

/wɒt/ /ˈfjuː.tʃər/ /braɪd/

The girl.

/ɡɜːrl/

She's out there

/aʊt/ /ðɛr/

walking around New York City right now,

/əˈraʊnd/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /ˈsɪt.i/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

probably in a pair of really cute boots

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /kjuːt/

that she's gonna let me borrow whenever I want

/ðæt/ /lɛt/ /miː/ /wɒnt/

because we're the same size.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /seɪm/ /saɪz/

She is out there, Ted.

/ʃiː/ /ɪz/ /aʊt/ /ðɛr/

Is she, really? Because I've looked.

/ɪz/ /ʃiː/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /bɪˈkɔːz/

I have looked high

/hæv/ /haɪ/

and low for someone I can love

/ænd/ /loʊ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /kæn/ /lʌv/

and adore and cook waffles for.

/ænd/ /ænd/ /kʊk/ /fɔːr/

The closest I've come is Marshall.

/kʌm/ /ɪz/

He does love your waffles.

/hiː/ /dʌz/ /lʌv/ /jʊr/

It's the cinnamon.

I add cinnamon.

/æd/

She's not in New York.

/njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Maybe she's in Chicago.

/ˈmeɪbi/

Okay, you are being ridiculous.

/juː/

You are going to find someone here in New York

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /faɪnd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /hɪr/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

that you love just as much as I love Marshall.

/ðæt/ /juː/ /lʌv/ /dʒʌst/ /mʌtʃ/ /lʌv/

And you,

/ænd/ /juː/

if you let Judy talk you out of going to Italy, so help me,

/ɪf/ /juː/ /lɛt/ /tɔːk/ /juː/ /aʊt/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈɪtəli/ /hɛlp/ /miː/

I will never let you stuff my ravioli again.

/wɪl/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /stʌf/ /maɪ/ /əˈɡɛn/

I'm gonna take you off speaker.

/teɪk/ /juː/ /ɒf/

Lily, you got to relax.

/juː/ /rɪˈlæks/

Okay, my mom is psyched about Italy.

/maɪ/ /mɒm/ /ɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈɪtəli/

She keeps making jokes about how she's gonna

/ʃiː/ /dʒoʊks/ /əˈbaʊt/ /haʊ/

come live with us in Rome and sleep on the couch

/kʌm/ /lɪv/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/ /roʊm/ /ænd/ /sliːp/ /ɒn/ /kaʊtʃ/

and cook every meal for us

/ænd/ /kʊk/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /miːl/ /fɔːr/ /ʌs/

so we never have to go to a restaurant

/wiː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/ /ɡoʊ/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/

the whole year we're there.

/hoʊl/ /jɪr/ /ðɛr/

It's not a joke.

/dʒoʊk/

By not saying no

/noʊ/

to me right now, you are giving me

/miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/ /juː/ /ˈɡɪvɪŋ/ /miː/

your full consent for that to happen.

/jʊr/ /fʊl/ /fɔːr/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/

I got to go.

/ɡoʊ/

"I'm probably saying some political stuff

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /sʌm/ /pəˈlɪtɪkl/ /stʌf/

right now to sound smart."

/raɪt/ /naʊ/ /saʊnd/ /smɑːrt/

"I'm probably referring to some snooty podcast

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /sʌm/ /ˈpɒdkɑːst/

to sound even smarter."

/saʊnd/ /ˈiːvən/

"I'm probably saying something in French."

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/

Aah! Aah!

My God...

/maɪ/

Ow. Ow.

Okay, Okay,

you want to break them up?

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /breɪk/ /ðɛm/ /ʌp/

I got a plan.

/plæn/

It's something I know has worked in the past,

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /noʊ/ /hæz/ /wɜːrkt/ /pæst/

but it-it's, it's risky,

/bʌt/

so it's, it's not too late to call it off.

/leɪt/ /kɔːl/ /ɪt/ /ɒf/

No way, I'm in.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/

Good, 'cause it's too late to call it off.

/ɡʊd/ /kɔːz/ /leɪt/ /kɔːl/ /ɪt/ /ɒf/

Observe.

And that is why the senate

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/ /waɪ/

can't push anything through.

/pʊʃ/ /ˈɛn.i.θɪŋ/ /θruː/

And Doug Mand said the same thing in his podcast.

/ænd/ /sɛd/ /seɪm/ /θɪŋ/ /hɪz/ /ˈpɒdkɑːst/

It's like, "Après moi le déluge!"

/laɪk/

Ooh. Ooh.

Oh, my gosh.

/maɪ/ /ɡɒʃ/

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.

/maɪ/ /ɡɒʃ/ /maɪ/ /ɡɒʃ/

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes!

What?

/wɒt/

Yes!

I will marry you!

/wɪl/ /ˈmæri/ /juː/

Even though a ring in a champagne glass

/ˈiːvən/ /ðoʊ/ /rɪŋ/ /ʃæmˈpeɪn/ /ɡlæs/

is a total cliché and this is a cushion cut.

/ɪz/ /ænd/ /ɪz/ /kʌt/

And how long have I been hinting that I want a princess cut?

/ænd/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/ /hæv/ /ðæt/ /wɒnt/ /kʌt/

But yes!

/bʌt/

That's a mistake. That's not from me.

/mɪˈsteɪk/ /miː/

It's not?

We've only been together seven years.

/ˈoʊnli/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /ˈsɛvən/

Now it becomes clear. Here we go.

/naʊ/ /ɪt/ /klɪər/ /hɪr/ /wiː/ /ɡoʊ/

You want commitment the same way you want my brother to work for you.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /seɪm/ /weɪ/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /maɪ/ /ˈbrʌð.ər/ /wɜːrk/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

I'm sorry I didn't put an engagement ring in your drink.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /pʊt/ /ɪnˈɡeɪdʒmənt/ /rɪŋ/ /jʊr/ /drɪŋk/

The way you chug booze, I'm surprised you even noticed.

/weɪ/ /juː/ /tʃʌɡ/ /sərˈpraɪzd/ /juː/ /ˈiːvən/

So, when are you leaving?

/wɛn/ /juː/

Day after the wedding.

/deɪ/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

What?

/wɒt/

You can't miss the day after the wedding.

/juː/ /mɪs/ /deɪ/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

That's when we sit around all hungover, drinking mimosas

/wɛn/ /wiː/ /sɪt/ /əˈraʊnd/ /ɔːl/ /ˈdrɪŋkɪŋ/

and talking smack about who looked fat.

/ænd/ /əˈbaʊt/ /huː/ /fæt/

That's my Christmas.

/maɪ/ /ˈkrɪsməs/

Why are you in such a rush to get out of there?

/waɪ/ /juː/ /sʌtʃ/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /ðɛr/

Oh. Oh.

Of course.

/kɔːrs/

You're not leaving because you think

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/

the love of your life isn't in New York.

/lʌv/ /jʊr/ /laɪf/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

You're leaving because you think she is.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ʃiː/ /ɪz/

And this time next week,

/ænd/ /taɪm/ /nɛkst/ /wiːk/

she'll be married to your best friend.

/biː/ /ˈmærid/ /jʊr/ /bɛst/ /frɛnd/

Baby!

/ˈbeɪbi/

I am in the middle

/ˈmɪdəl/

of something super dramatic here.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈsuːpər/ /hɪr/

But real quick: If you let Judy come to Rome with us,

/bʌt/ /riːl/ /kwɪk/ /ɪf/ /juː/ /lɛt/ /kʌm/ /roʊm/ /wɪð/ /ʌs/

you are going to have to find someone else

/juː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hæv/ /faɪnd/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /ɛls/

to do your laundry and massage your feet.

/duː/ /jʊr/ /ˈlɔːndri/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /fiːt/

Oh, my gosh, she's going to do all that, won't she?

/maɪ/ /ɡɒʃ/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /duː/ /ɔːl/ /ðæt/ /ʃiː/

Lily, you have to stop freaking out.

/juː/ /hæv/ /stɒp/ /aʊt/

Nothing is going to screw up the plan.

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /skruː/ /ʌp/ /plæn/

We're doing this.

I love you.

/lʌv/ /juː/

I love you, baby. Bye.

/lʌv/ /juː/ /ˈbeɪbi/ /baɪ/

Hello?

Hi. Marshall Eriksen?

I'm calling from the New York State Judiciary Committee.

/ˈkɔːlɪŋ/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/

Uh, you applied for a judgeship a few months ago, remember?

/juː/ /fɔːr/ /fjuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/

Uh, of... of course.

/kɔːrs/

Well, I have good news.

/wɛl/ /hæv/ /ɡʊd/ /njuːz/

We have a last-minute opening on the bench.

/wiː/ /hæv/ /ɒn/

What are you saying to me right now?

/wɒt/ /juː/ /miː/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

I'm saying congratulations.

/kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/

We want you to be a judge.

/wiː/ /wɒnt/ /juː/ /biː/ /dʒʌdʒ/

So, you want me to be a judge? Yes.

/juː/ /wɒnt/ /miː/ /biː/ /dʒʌdʒ/

And I would start a week from Tuesday? Yes.

/ænd/ /wʊd/ /stɑːrt/ /wiːk/

Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday?

/kʊd/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /stɑːrt/ /jɪr/

No.

/noʊ/

Got to be a week from Tuesday? Yes.

/biː/ /wiːk/

And I'd be a real judge? Yes.

/ænd/ /biː/ /riːl/ /dʒʌdʒ/

With a robe? Yes.

/wɪð/

Gavel? Yes.

Wacky Southern accent? No.

/noʊ/

Now, counselor,

/naʊ/

are you absolutely sure?

/juː/ /ˈæbsəluːtli/ /ʃʊr/

Yes.

And I have to be in New York for this?

/ænd/ /hæv/ /biː/ /njuː/ /jɔːrk/ /fɔːr/

Yes. I can't telecommute?

No.

/noʊ/

I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge?

/biː/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /dʒʌdʒ/

No. Could I be a hologram?

/noʊ/ /kʊd/ /biː/

No. Animatronic robot

/noʊ/ /ˈroʊbɒt/

like Abe Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents

/laɪk/ /hɔːl/

that I control from afar with a joystick?

/ðæt/ /kənˈtroʊl/ /wɪð/

No.

/noʊ/

Do you remember the giant Jor-El head from Superman?

/duː/ /juː/ /rɪˈmɛm.bər/ /hɛd/

Yes. Well, what if I...?

/wɛl/ /wɒt/ /ɪf/

No. Is there any way

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɛn.i/ /weɪ/

that I could do this

/ðæt/ /kʊd/ /duː/

and also spend the next year of my life

/ænd/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /spɛnd/ /nɛkst/ /jɪr/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

in Italy with my wife? No.

/ˈɪtəli/ /wɪð/ /maɪ/ /waɪf/ /noʊ/

This is such a big decision.

/ɪz/ /sʌtʃ/ /bɪɡ/ /dɪˈsɪʒ.ən/

I-I'm not good at big decisions.

/ɡʊd/ /bɪɡ/

Are you sure you want to be a judge?

/juː/ /ʃʊr/ /juː/ /wɒnt/ /biː/ /dʒʌdʒ/

Wow. Now that we've broken up a seven-year relationship

/naʊ/ /ðæt/ /ʌp/ /rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp/

just 'cause they stole our table,

/dʒʌst/ /kɔːz/ /ðeɪ/ /stoʊl/ /aʊər/ /ˈteɪ.bəl/

I feel kind of... Awesome?

/fiːl/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈɔːsəm/

I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too.

/wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /seɪ/ /bʌt/ /ˈɔːsəm/

No way.

/noʊ/ /weɪ/

Are you kidding me? What?

/juː/ /ˈkɪdɪŋ/ /miː/ /wɒt/

Whoa. Is there going to be a fight?

/ɪz/ /ðɛr/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /faɪt/

Okay, here's the play.

/pleɪ/

You take the girl, and the guy and I will watch.

/juː/ /teɪk/ /ɡɜːrl/ /ænd/ /ɡaɪ/ /ænd/ /wɪl/ /wɒtʃ/

Hello. Just the people we want to see.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wiː/ /wɒnt/ /siː/

We got in a pretty big fight because of you guys.

/wiː/ /ˈprɪti/ /bɪɡ/ /faɪt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/

We had to call our therapists after hours.

/wiː/ /hæd/ /kɔːl/ /aʊər/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈaʊərz/

Not cool.

/kuːl/

Anyway, it got us to where we are now.

/ˈɛniweɪ/ /ɪt/ /ʌs/ /wɛr/ /wiː/ /naʊ/

We're getting married!

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

And I'm taking her last name.

/ænd/ /hɜːr/ /læst/ /neɪm/

You should think about doing the same thing.

/juː/ /ʃʊd/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /seɪm/ /θɪŋ/

Well, good night. Good night.

/wɛl/ /ɡʊd/ /naɪt/ /ɡʊd/ /naɪt/

Good night. Congratulations.

/ɡʊd/ /naɪt/ /kənˌɡrætʃʊˈleɪʃənz/

Yes, definitely.

/ˈdɛfɪnɪtli/

That was us.

/ðæt/ /wɒz/ /ʌs/

We made that happen.

/wiː/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/

We're pretty cool.

/ˈprɪti/ /kuːl/

And, you know, a week from today,

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /wiːk/ /təˈdeɪ/

we are going to be legend... wait for it...

/wiː/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /ˈlɛdʒənd/ /weɪt/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Married. Married.

/ˈmærid/ /ˈmærid/

Legend-married. Legend-married.

Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much.

/lʌv/ /juː/ /mʌtʃ/

I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky.

/lʌv/ /juː/

That sounds good.

/ðæt/ /ɡʊd/

Shh. Think about it.

/θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/

They're happy.

/ˈhæp.i/

And I'm happy for them.

/ænd/ /ˈhæp.i/ /fɔːr/ /ðɛm/

I want them to have an amazing life together. I just...

/wɒnt/ /ðɛm/ /hæv/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /laɪf/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /dʒʌst/

I just think it would be best for everyone

/dʒʌst/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /wʊd/ /biː/ /bɛst/ /fɔːr/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/

if I wasn't around for it.

/ɪf/ /əˈraʊnd/ /fɔːr/ /ɪt/

Did something happen recently between you and Robin?

/dɪd/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ˈhæpən/ /ˈriːsəntli/ /bɪˈtwiːn/ /juː/ /ænd/

No.

/noʊ/

Where's the poop, Ted?

She called me up the other day.

/ʃiː/ /miː/ /ʌp/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /deɪ/

She was trying to dig up this locket

/ʃiː/ /wɒz/ /ʌp/

she had buried behind the Central Park Carousel,

/ʃiː/ /hæd/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /pɑːrk/

and I blew off that big interview to go help her.

/ænd/ /ɒf/ /ðæt/ /bɪɡ/ /ˈɪntəvjuː/ /ɡoʊ/ /hɛlp/ /hɜːr/

And then... it started raining.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ɪt/

I'll, uh...

I'll see you at the wedding.

/siː/ /juː/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Yeah.

Even now, after all these years,

/ˈiːvən/ /naʊ/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ɔːl/ /ðiːz/

there's still just this part of me where,

/dʒʌst/ /pɑːrt/ /miː/ /wɛr/

if there's even the slightest chance

/ɪf/ /ˈiːvən/ /tʃæns/

something I do could make Robin smile,

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /duː/ /kʊd/ /meɪk/ /smaɪl/

I don't even think about it-- I just do it.

/ˈiːvən/ /θɪŋk/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /duː/ /ɪt/

I mean, if I could make

/miːn/ /ɪf/ /kʊd/ /meɪk/

that locket magically appear, I would.

/ðæt/ /wʊd/

I would open a vein in my arm

/wʊd/ /ˈoʊ.pən/ /maɪ/

if I could bleed that locket out,

/ɪf/ /kʊd/ /ðæt/ /aʊt/

just to make her happy.

/dʒʌst/ /meɪk/ /hɜːr/ /ˈhæp.i/

That's just a really sucky way to feel

/dʒʌst/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /weɪ/ /fiːl/

about your best friend's fiancée.

/əˈbaʊt/ /jʊr/ /bɛst/

So I'm going to come to the wedding,

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /kʌm/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

you know, I'll have a good time, but after that, I...

/juː/ /noʊ/ /hæv/ /ɡʊd/ /taɪm/ /bʌt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ðæt/

What?

/wɒt/

I know where the locket is.

/noʊ/ /wɛr/ /ɪz/

What?

/wɒt/

I know where the locket is.

/noʊ/ /wɛr/ /ɪz/

It-it was a few years ago,

/wɒz/ /fjuː/ /əˈɡoʊ/

right before you were supposed to marry Stella.

/raɪt/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /ˈmæri/

I went down to the bar one night

/wɛnt/ /daʊn/ /bɑːr/ /naɪt/

to get a drink, and what should I see?

/ɡɛt/ /drɪŋk/ /ænd/ /wɒt/ /ʃʊd/ /siː/

Lily! Lily!

Hey, girl.

/ɡɜːrl/

I got a question for you.

/ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /fɔːr/ /juː/

Why isn't Ted marrying me?

/waɪ/ /ˈmæriɪŋ/ /miː/

Whoa... Whoa...

I'm sorry. Oh, God.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

I just... I-I should be happy for him,

/dʒʌst/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /ˈhæp.i/ /fɔːr/ /hɪm/

and yet here I am,

/ænd/ /jɛt/ /hɪr/

moving off to Japan just to get away from him.

/ɒf/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɛt/ /əˈweɪ/ /hɪm/

And-and I guess to see those...

/ɡɛs/ /siː/ /ðoʊz/

those terra-cotta warriors and the Great Wall.

/ðoʊz/ /ænd/ /ɡreɪt/ /wɔːl/

Well, that's China.

/wɛl/

What? This?

/wɒt/

No, it's just a paper plate.

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈpeɪ.pər/

Uh, we should get out of here.

/wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/

Come on. Come on. Oh, totally.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/ /ˈtoʊtəli/

I know just where we should go.

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /wɛr/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/

Man, you're fast when you're drunk.

/mæn/ /fæst/ /wɛn/ /drʌŋk/

But at least you're still making good decisions.

/bʌt/ /liːst/ /ɡʊd/

Central Park, around midnight,

/pɑːrk/ /əˈraʊnd/

digging a hole with a spoon.

/wɪð/ /spuːn/

Solid.

Jackpot.

What is that?

/wɒt/ /ɪz/ /ðæt/

My something old.

/maɪ/ /ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /oʊld/

This locket was my grandma's.

/wɒz/ /maɪ/

She kept it hidden in her butt all through World War II.

/ʃiː/ /ɪt/ /hɜːr/ /bʌt/ /ɔːl/ /θruː/ /wɜːrld/ /wɔːr/

What? Where was she?

/wɒt/ /wɛr/ /wɒz/ /ʃiː/

Winnipeg. Winnipeg.

Oh, come on.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

Lily, it's a joke.

/dʒoʊk/

Yeah, I was going to wear this

/wɒz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /wɛr/

when I married Ted.

/wɛn/ /ˈmærid/

I guess that's not going to happen.

/ɡɛs/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /ˈhæpən/

So I am taking it with me to Japan.

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Okay, Lily, help me put this locket in my butt.

/hɛlp/ /miː/ /pʊt/ /maɪ/ /bʌt/

Okay. Uh, you know what?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/

Why don't we put it in this pencil box instead?

/waɪ/ /wiː/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /bɒks/ /ɪnˈstɛd/

Oh, and then I will take the pencil box with me to Japan.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /wɪl/ /teɪk/ /bɒks/ /wɪð/ /miː/

Okay. Hey, Lily?

Help me put this pencil box in my butt.

/hɛlp/ /miː/ /pʊt/ /bɒks/ /maɪ/ /bʌt/

Wait!

/weɪt/

There's one other thing I have to do.

/ˈʌð.ər/ /θɪŋ/ /hæv/ /duː/

Lily, it's very important.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /ɪmˈpɔːr.tənt/

It's something that needs to happen

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /ðæt/ /ˈhæpən/

right now. Yeah?

/raɪt/ /naʊ/

Then she barfed in my face.

/ðɛn/ /ʃiː/ /maɪ/ /feɪs/

It was a lovely night.

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈlʌvli/ /naɪt/

Wait. You put the locket in the race car pencil box?

/weɪt/ /juː/ /pʊt/ /reɪs/ /kɑːr/ /bɒks/

Yep. And then Robin took it to Japan.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /tʊk/ /ɪt/

No, she didn't.

/noʊ/ /ʃiː/

It's sitting on my desk at home right now.

/ɒn/ /maɪ/ /dɛsk/ /hoʊm/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

It's been with me all along.

/wɪð/ /miː/ /ɔːl/ /əˈlɒŋ/

Ted. The locket is in the pencil box.

/ɪz/ /bɒks/

This is awesome.

/ɪz/ /ˈɔːsəm/

Ted. Ted.

No, I just... I just mean,

/noʊ/ /dʒʌst/ /dʒʌst/ /miːn/

this is going to be the best wedding gift ever.

/ɪz/ /ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /biː/ /bɛst/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ɡɪft/ /ˈɛv.ər/

It's going to blow her mind.

/ˈɡoʊ.ɪŋ/ /hɜːr/ /maɪnd/

Ted. Ted.

Be careful.

/biː/ /ˈkɛr.fəl/

♪

♪ Well, this is just a simple song ♪ ♪ Well, this is just a simple song ♪

/wɛl/ /ɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /sɒŋ/ /wɛl/ /ɪz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /sɒŋ/

♪ To say what you've done ♪ To say what you've done

/seɪ/ /wɒt/ /dʌn/ /seɪ/ /wɒt/ /dʌn/

♪ I told you about all those fears ♪ ♪ I told you about all those fears ♪

/toʊld/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ɔːl/ /ðoʊz/

♪ And away they did run ♪ And away they did run

/ænd/ /əˈweɪ/ /ðeɪ/ /dɪd/ /rʌn/ /ænd/ /əˈweɪ/ /ðeɪ/ /dɪd/ /rʌn/

♪ You sure must be strong ♪ You sure must be strong

/juː/ /ʃʊr/ /mʌst/ /biː/ /strɒŋ/ /juː/ /ʃʊr/ /mʌst/ /biː/ /strɒŋ/

♪ And you feel like an ocean ♪ And you feel like an ocean

/ænd/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /ænd/ /juː/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/

♪ Being warmed by the sun... ♪ Being warmed by the sun...