Season 9 · Tập 18

Thank you for bringing me here.

/juː/ /fɔːr/ /ˈbrɪŋɪŋ/ /miː/ /hɪr/

I am so glad we made it. That snowstorm

/ɡlæd/ /wiː/ /ɪt/ /ðæt/

was getting really bad.

/wɒz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /bæd/

Wait, you think this is a snowstorm?

/weɪt/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪz/

This is nothing. I'll tell you about a snowstorm.

/ɪz/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/

It was winter break, freshman year of college...

/ɪt/ /wɒz/ /ˈwɪntər/ /breɪk/ /ˈfrɛʃmən/ /jɪr/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/

Marshall and I were roommates, but we weren't

/ænd/ /wɜːr/ /bʌt/ /wiː/

- really good friends yet. - Wait, stop.

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ɡʊd/ /frɛndz/ /jɛt/ /weɪt/ /stɒp/

You've told me this one before.

/toʊld/ /miː/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

I have? When?

/hæv/ /wɛn/

Uh, let's see. It was...

/siː/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

all the time.

/ɔːl/ /taɪm/

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

You and Marshall drove back to school...

/juː/ /ænd/ /bæk/ /skuːl/

"500 Miles" played on a loop.

/maɪlz/ /ɒn/

You took a back road, ran out of gas,

/juː/ /tʊk/ /bæk/ /roʊd/ /ræn/ /aʊt/

got stuck in a snowstorm, spooned to stay warm--

/stʌk/ /steɪ/ /wɔːrm/

at least that's your story--

/liːst/ /jʊr/ /ˈstɔːri/

and at the end of it, you were best friends.

/ænd/ /ɛnd/ /ɪt/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /bɛst/ /frɛndz/

Okay. Okay, that's fine, because guess what.

/faɪn/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ɡɛs/ /wɒt/

That wasn't even the worst snowstorm ever.

/ðæt/ /ˈiːvən/ /wɜːrst/ /ˈɛv.ər/

It was 2008...

/ɪt/ /wɒz/

- Barney and I... - Took over the bar,

/ænd/ /tʊk/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /bɑːr/

met the Arizona Tech marching band-- "Go Hens!"--

/bænd/ /ɡoʊ/

and they played "Auld Lang Syne" when Marshall

/ænd/ /ðeɪ/ /wɛn/

picked up Lily at the airport.

/ʌp/ /ˈɛərpɔːrt/

Okay. Have I told you about the time that Marshall...

/hæv/ /toʊld/ /juː/ /əˈbaʊt/ /taɪm/ /ðæt/

Tried to put Christmas lights on Lily's grandparents' house

/pʊt/ /ˈkrɪsməs/ /laɪts/ /ɒn/ /haʊs/

and the little ragamuffin from next door left him stranded

/ænd/ /ˈlɪt.əl/ /nɛkst/ /dɔːr/ /lɛft/ /hɪm/

on the roof?

/ɒn/ /ruːf/

Did Lily tell you that one?

/dɪd/ /tɛl/ /juː/ /ðæt/

Yeah. Yeah.

Lily used the word "ragamuffin."

/wɜːrd/

So I've told you all my stories.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /ɔːl/ /maɪ/ /ˈstɔːriz/

I'm afraid so,

/əˈfreɪd/

I have plenty of stories that you don't know yet.

/hæv/ /ˈplɛnti/ /ˈstɔːriz/ /ðæt/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /jɛt/

Like the one where my college roommates and I

/laɪk/ /wɛr/ /maɪ/ /ˈkɒlɪdʒ/ /ænd/

went to this male strip club...

/wɛnt/ /meɪl/ /klʌb/

And your friend Dongnose got smacked on the nose

/ænd/ /jʊr/ /frɛnd/ /ɒn/ /noʊz/

with a dong?

/wɪð/

I know that one.

/noʊ/ /ðæt/

Okay. Okay.

What about the story that explains how...

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ðæt/ /haʊ/

Dongnose got her nickname "Dongnose"

/hɜːr/

and that it had nothing to do with the dong-smacking incident?

/ænd/ /ðæt/ /ɪt/ /hæd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /duː/ /wɪð/

Heard it, loved it,

/hɜːrd/ /ɪt/ /lʌvd/ /ɪt/

called it the greatest coincidence of the 21st century.

/ɪt/

Wow. Wow.

You know every one of my stories.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /maɪ/ /ˈstɔːriz/

And you know every one of mine.

/ænd/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /maɪn/

I guess it's official.

/ɡɛs/ /əˈfɪʃəl/

We're an old married couple.

/oʊld/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈkʌpəl/

Nice! We did it!

/naɪs/ /wiː/ /dɪd/ /ɪt/

Well, well, if it isn't the Mosbys.

/wɛl/ /wɛl/ /ɪf/ /ɪt/

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Here for a romantic weekend away from the kids.

/hɪr/ /fɔːr/ /roʊˈmæntɪk/ /ˈwiːkɛnd/ /əˈweɪ/ /kɪdz/

It's a good thing there's no guests on either side of you,

/ɡʊd/ /θɪŋ/ /noʊ/ /ɒn/ /ˈiː.ðər/ /saɪd/ /juː/

'cause those bedsprings are gonna squeak like mice

/kɔːz/ /ðoʊz/ /laɪk/

in a cheese factory. Am I right?

/tʃiːz/ /raɪt/

Just don't break any of the lamps like your friends

/dʒʌst/ /breɪk/ /ˈɛn.i/ /laɪk/ /jʊr/ /frɛndz/

Barney and Robin, okay? That's not how the lamp broke.

/ænd/ /haʊ/ /læmp/

Of course not. All right, you have fun, you two.

/kɔːrs/ /ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /juː/ /hæv/ /fʌn/ /juː/ /tuː/

Uh, Uh,

what lamp is this?

/wɒt/ /læmp/ /ɪz/

The lamp Robin broke the day of the wedding.

/læmp/ /deɪ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Oh, my God. Oh, my god.

/maɪ/ /maɪ/

You don't know this one.

/juː/ /noʊ/

Oh... man. Oh... Man.

/mæn/ /mæn/

This is a good one.

/ɪz/ /ɡʊd/

I mean, it's got everything.

/miːn/ /ˈɛv.ri.θɪŋ/

Intrigue, betrayal, lamps.

It is a ripping yarn, so buckle your seatbelt.

/ɪt/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/

Just tell the story. Okay.

/dʒʌst/ /tɛl/ /ˈstɔːri/

Here goes.

/hɪr/ /ɡoʊz/

Robin broke a lamp.

/læmp/

Okay, this has to stop.

/hæz/ /stɒp/

Come on, we're just having fun.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈhævɪŋ/ /fʌn/

It has been a long weekend.

/ɪt/ /hæz/ /lɔːŋ/ /ˈwiːkɛnd/

This is how I relax.

/ɪz/ /haʊ/ /rɪˈlæks/

Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/

This is how you relax?

/ɪz/ /haʊ/ /juː/ /rɪˈlæks/

By not getting a single shot past me the entire morning?

/ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ʃɒt/ /pæst/ /miː/ /ɪnˈtaɪər/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

You suck, Scherbatsky, you shoot like my grandma.

/juː/ /juː/ /ʃuːt/ /laɪk/ /maɪ/ /ˈɡrænmɑː/

Okay, Scherbatsky, you just poked the dragon.

/juː/ /dʒʌst/

Here comes the bride.

/hɪr/ /braɪd/

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay. How about

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/

we switch to an activity that's more suited to somebody who's,

/wiː/ /swɪtʃ/ /mɔːr/ /ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/

you know, , getting married today?

/juː/ /noʊ/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/ /təˈdeɪ/

Oh. We gonna go chug some Labatts?

/wiː/ /ɡoʊ/ /tʃʌɡ/ /sʌm/

I was thinking we could chug some memories instead.

/wɒz/ /wiː/ /kʊd/ /tʃʌɡ/ /sʌm/ /ɪnˈstɛd/

"Barney & Robin: Lovers Forever

/fərˈɛvər/

"and Ever and Ever:

/ænd/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ər/

A Love Story."

/lʌv/ /ˈstɔːri/

Sounds cheesy. I'm gonna go barf forever and ever and ever.

/ɡoʊ/ /fərˈɛvər/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ænd/ /ˈɛv.ər/

See you, hosers.

/siː/ /juː/

It's not cheesy.

See?

/siː/

Uh, can you tell me the name of the guest

/kæn/ /juː/ /tɛl/ /miː/ /neɪm/

staying in room nine?

/ruːm/

I'm sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

That would violate hotel privacy policy.

/ðæt/ /wʊd/ /hoʊˈtɛl/ /ˈpɒlɪsi/

Well, maybe my old friend Mr. Lincoln...

/wɛl/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /maɪ/ /oʊld/ /frɛnd/

can emancipate that information.

/kæn/ /ðæt/ /ˌɪn.fərˈmeɪ.ʃən/

I'm so sorry, I wasn't clear.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /klɪər/

I can't violate our hotel privacy policy.

/aʊər/ /hoʊˈtɛl/ /ˈpɒlɪsi/

For five dollars.

/fɔːr/ /faɪv/

Something with a two on it is fine.

/ˈsʌm.θɪŋ/ /wɪð/ /tuː/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/ /faɪn/

But those are super rare and the one I have is kind of lucky.

/bʌt/ /ðoʊz/ /ˈsuːpər/ /rɛr/ /ænd/ /hæv/ /ɪz/ /kaɪnd/ /ˈlʌki/

Just give me a 20, Mr. Mosby.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /miː/

That room belongs to a Ms. Susan Tupp.

/ðæt/ /ruːm/

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

/bɔɪ/ /bɔɪ/

God, you're gorgeous.

Oh, I can't wait to be inside you.

/weɪt/ /biː/ /juː/

Barney. Get out here, this is your wedding day.

/ɡɛt/ /aʊt/ /hɪr/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

Wha... Wha...

Where is she? Who?

/wɛr/ /ɪz/ /ʃiː/ /huː/

Look, I just grossly overpaid for some information

/lʊk/ /dʒʌst/ /fɔːr/ /sʌm/ /ˌɪn.fərˈmeɪ.ʃən/

about this room, so I know it's accurate.

/əˈbaʊt/ /ruːm/ /noʊ/

This room belongs to Susan Tupp.

/ruːm/

Who? Ai ?

/huː/

Susan Tupp. Susan tupp.

Who?

/huː/

Sue... Sue...

Tupp. Tupp.

Suit up. Suit up.

/suːt/ /ʌp/ /suːt/ /ʌp/

I'm trying to.

I need you to help me

/niːd/ /juː/ /hɛlp/ /miː/

pick the suit I'm gonna wear when I walk down the aisle.

/pɪk/ /suːt/ /wɛr/ /wɛn/ /wɔːk/ /daʊn/

Okay, Okay,

Robin walks down the aisle, you wait at the end of it.

/daʊn/ /juː/ /weɪt/ /ɛnd/ /ɪt/

Okay, then the suit I'll be wearing

/ðɛn/ /suːt/ /biː/

when they all stand as I enter the chapel. That's also her.

/wɛn/ /ðeɪ/ /ɔːl/ /stænd/ /ˈɛntər/ /ˈɔːl.soʊ/ /hɜːr/

Really? Man, the fellas sure do get boned

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /mæn/ /ʃʊr/ /duː/ /ɡɛt/

on the whole wedding thing, don't they? Okay.

/ɒn/ /hoʊl/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /θɪŋ/ /ðeɪ/

All right, well, let's, let's pick you a suit.

/ɔːl/ /raɪt/ /wɛl/ /pɪk/ /juː/ /suːt/

What are... what are the top contenders?

/wɒt/ /wɒt/ /tɒp/

Well, after careful consideration,

/wɛl/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈkɛr.fəl/

I have narrowed it down to

/hæv/ /ɪt/ /daʊn/

these ones...

/ðiːz/

and these ones...

/ænd/ /ðiːz/

and the other ones in this room

/ænd/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ruːm/

and all the ones in the adjoining room.

/ænd/ /ɔːl/ /ruːm/

So you've narrowed it down to all your suits.

/ɪt/ /daʊn/ /ɔːl/ /jʊr/

Yeah, we're screwed.

And this is a picture of the restaurant

/ænd/ /ɪz/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/

where you and Barney had your first date.

/wɛr/ /juː/ /ænd/ /hæd/ /jʊr/ /fɜːrst/ /deɪt/

And now you're getting married. Mm.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

Mm.

from the meal you and Barney ate

/miːl/ /juː/ /ænd/ /eɪt/

at that restaurant on your first date.

/ðæt/ /ˈrɛstərɒnt/ /ɒn/ /jʊr/ /fɜːrst/ /deɪt/

And now you're getting married.

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

Can we look at this later?

/kæn/ /wiː/ /lʊk/ /ˈleɪtər/

Later? There is no later.

/ˈleɪtər/ /ðɛr/ /ɪz/ /noʊ/ /ˈleɪtər/

Robin, Robin,

this is a day you only get to do once.

/ɪz/ /deɪ/ /juː/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ɡɛt/ /duː/ /wʌns/

You need to appreciate the importance of it right now.

/juː/ /niːd/ /əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /ɪt/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Oh, my God. Oh, my god.

/maɪ/ /maɪ/

How did I only just now realize this?

/haʊ/ /dɪd/ /ˈoʊnli/ /dʒʌst/ /naʊ/

Dude, this hotel has The Wedding Bride 2

/hoʊˈtɛl/ /hæz/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/

on pay-per-view.

/ɒn/

Score.

/skɔːr/

This is the best day of my life!

/ɪz/ /bɛst/ /deɪ/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/

I mean, I know Robin's not the girliest girl,

/miːn/ /noʊ/ /ɡɜːrl/

but you'd think on her wedding day,

/bʌt/ /θɪŋk/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

she'd be at least a little sentimental.

/biː/ /liːst/ /ˈlɪt.əl/

Everyone deals with getting married differently.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɪð/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

I got what I thought was the worst haircut ever.

/wɒt/ /θɔːt/ /wɒz/ /wɜːrst/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Till I fixed it with the actual worst haircut ever.

/ɪt/ /wɪð/ /wɜːrst/ /ˈɛv.ər/

Which led to the worst wedding photos ever.

/wɪtʃ/ /wɜːrst/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈɛv.ər/

But at least you had a wedding day freak-out.

/bʌt/ /liːst/ /juː/ /hæd/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

Baby, don't worry. Any minute now,

/ˈbeɪbi/ /ˈwʌri/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈmɪn.ɪt/ /naʊ/

Robin's gonna get smacked in the face with her own

/ɡɛt/ /feɪs/ /wɪð/ /hɜːr/ /oʊn/

"holy crap, this is my wedding" moment,

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

and then she's gonna wedding out all over the place. I promise.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /ɔːl/ /ˈoʊ.vər/ /pleɪs/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/

But you can't force it, it has to just happen.

/bʌt/ /juː/ /fɔːrs/ /ɪt/ /ɪt/ /hæz/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈhæpən/

Mm, I don't know. I mean, she bailed on my scrapbook

/noʊ/ /miːn/ /ʃiː/ /ɒn/ /maɪ/

when she found out The Wedding Bride 2

/wɛn/ /ʃiː/ /aʊt/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/

is on pay-per-view.

/ɪz/ /ɒn/

The Wedding Bride 2 is on pay-per-view?!

/ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/ /ɪz/ /ɒn/

I'm sorry, did...

/ˈsɒr.i/ /dɪd/

did I hear you guys talking about

/dɪd/ /hɪr/ /juː/ /ɡaɪz/ /əˈbaʊt/

The Wedding Bride? The Wedding Bride?

/ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/

Oh, God. The movie or the...

/ˈmuːvi/

smash Broadway musical?

Smash? Oh, oh, oh, I-I guess a show's a smash now

/ɡɛs/ /naʊ/

if it closes after only 96 weeks.

/ɪf/ /ɪt/ /ˈæf.tər/ /ˈoʊnli/

So my husband's ex-fiancé's husband

/maɪ/ /ˈhʌzbənd/

wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride.

/roʊt/ /ˈskriːnpleɪ/ /fɔːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/

"Jed Mosley" was based on Ted.

/wɒz/ /ɒn/

Okay, Jed was not based on me...

/wɒz/ /ɒn/ /miː/

Hey! Hey!

That is not a toy, you ragamuffin.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /juː/

That is an authentic flail I won at the Renaissance fair.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /wʌn/ /fɛr/

...entirely.

But, regardless, there's...

/bʌt/

there's still some lingering pain there and...

/sʌm/ /peɪn/ /ðɛr/ /ænd/

Well, as you can imagine,

/wɛl/ /juː/ /kæn/ /ɪˈmædʒ.ɪn/

my friends promised me that they'd never watch it.

/maɪ/ /frɛndz/ /miː/ /ðæt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɒtʃ/ /ɪt/

Wow. Wow.

Those are some good friends.

/ðoʊz/ /sʌm/ /ɡʊd/ /frɛndz/

Oh, they're the best.

/bɛst/

Oh, oh, whoa! Oh, oh, whoa!

My wiener!

/maɪ/

I can't believe Jed made us promise not to watch this.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ʌs/ /ˈprɒm.ɪs/ /wɒtʃ/

Wait, you mean Ted.

/weɪt/ /juː/ /miːn/

Whatever. Same guy.

/seɪm/ /ɡaɪ/

See, I would have expected you to have an extra-special suit

/siː/ /wʊd/ /hæv/ /juː/ /hæv/ /suːt/

tailor-made just for this occasion.

/dʒʌst/ /fɔːr/

Oh, I did.

/dɪd/

I had my boy Timmy G make the perfect wedding suit.

/hæd/ /maɪ/ /bɔɪ/ /meɪk/ /ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /suːt/

You ever heard of "bespoke"?

/juː/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /hɜːrd/

This suit was be-freaking-screamed.

/suːt/ /wɒz/

But then I tried it on this morning and it was uncomfortable

/bʌt/ /ðɛn/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ænd/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/

and itchy and completely wrong. It was like a suit made

/ænd/ /ænd/ /kəmˈpliːtli/ /rɒŋ/ /ɪt/ /wɒz/ /laɪk/ /suːt/

for someone with terrible posture,

/fɔːr/ /ˈsʌmwʌn/ /wɪð/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/

no taste and limited funds.

/noʊ/ /teɪst/ /ænd/ /ˈlɪmɪtɪd/

Here, you take it.

/hɪr/ /juː/ /teɪk/ /ɪt/

The only question is,

/ˈoʊnli/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /ɪz/

which of these other suits do I pick?

/wɪtʃ/ /ðiːz/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /duː/ /pɪk/

There are so many great ones to choose from.

/ðɛr/ /ˈmɛn.i/ /ɡreɪt/ /tʃuːz/

Uh, Uh,

how about this one?

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/

Yes. Yes, that's the one.

Oh, hey, quick question: is it weird to get married in a suit

/kwɪk/ /ˈkwɛs.tʃən/ /ɪz/ /ɪt/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/ /suːt/

that you may have worn while banging a female rodeo clown?

/ðæt/ /juː/ /meɪ/ /hæv/ /waɪl/ /ˈfiːmeɪl/

I know what you're wondering.

/noʊ/ /wɒt/

Yes, the carpet matched the drapes.

Of course that's weird. Every part of that is weird.

/kɔːrs/ /ˈɛv.ri/ /pɑːrt/ /ðæt/ /ɪz/

Mm. Mm.

Uh, what about this suit?

/wɒt/ /əˈbaʊt/ /suːt/

Huh? Huh?

Let's just say I stuffed a lot of bunnies in that suit.

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /lɒt/ /ðæt/ /suːt/

Ugh, Barney, do you have to phrase it that way?

/ʌɡ/ /duː/ /juː/ /hæv/ /freɪz/ /ɪt/ /ðæt/ /weɪ/

Actual bunnies, Ted. This is my magic suit.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈmædʒɪk/ /suːt/

Get your mind out of the gutter.

/ɡɛt/ /jʊr/ /maɪnd/ /aʊt/

Though, I did once wear it to the Playboy holiday party

/ðoʊ/ /dɪd/ /wʌns/ /wɛr/ /ɪt/ /ˈhɒlɪdeɪ/ /ˈpɑːrti/

and, uh... And, uh...

/ænd/ /ænd/

Let's just say I stuffed a lot of Bunnies in that suit.

/dʒʌst/ /seɪ/ /lɒt/ /ðæt/ /suːt/

Uh... Uh...

How about this one? Oh, man,

/haʊ/ /əˈbaʊt/ /mæn/

I went crazy on an escort in that one.

/wɛnt/ /ˈkreɪzi/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

Barney, come on.

/kʌm/ /ɒn/

A Ford Escort, Ted, I did it on a car.

/dɪd/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /kɑːr/

With a woman who I then may or may not have paid.

/wɪð/ /ˈwʊm.ən/ /huː/ /ðɛn/ /meɪ/ /meɪ/ /hæv/

Okay, so your wedding's in a few hours.

/jʊr/ /fjuː/ /ˈaʊərz/

Kind of strange to spend those hours

/kaɪnd/ /streɪndʒ/ /spɛnd/ /ðoʊz/ /ˈaʊərz/

watching a terrible movie, right?

/ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ˈtɛrɪbl/ /ˈmuːvi/ /raɪt/

Terrible? Lily, this movie is a revelation.

/ˈtɛrɪbl/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ɪz/

I can't believe that Ted wouldn't let us see it.

/bɪˈliːv/ /ðæt/ /lɛt/ /ʌs/ /siː/ /ɪt/

Yeah. Why was he hanging so much beef on this movie?

/waɪ/ /wɒz/ /hiː/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /mʌtʃ/ /biːf/ /ɒn/ /ˈmuːvi/

Just 'cause there's a character based on him?

/dʒʌst/ /kɔːz/ /ɒn/ /hɪm/

Of course. I'll make all weddings illegal.

/kɔːrs/ /meɪk/ /ɔːl/ /ɪˈliːɡəl/

Then Stella can never be a wedding bride.

/ðɛn/ /kæn/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /biː/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/

Ooh, Ooh,

No-can-I-do's-ville, baby doll.

/ˈbeɪbi/

It's like, "Relax, Ted,

/laɪk/ /rɪˈlæks/

it's no big deal. You should be flattered."

/noʊ/ /bɪɡ/ /diːl/ /juː/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/

And now to celebrate with that piece of chocolate cake

/ænd/ /naʊ/ /ˈsɛlɪbreɪt/ /wɪð/ /ðæt/ /piːs/ /ˈtʃɒklɪt/ /keɪk/

I've been saving.

What?! What?!

/wɒt/ /wɒt/

Who ate my cake?!

/huː/ /eɪt/ /maɪ/ /keɪk/

Uh, what cake?

/wɒt/ /keɪk/

Narshall! Narshall!

Narshall? Narshall?

Narshall. How dare they?

/haʊ/ /ðeɪ/

That is insulting

/ðæt/ /ɪz/

and ridiculous

/ænd/

and I am nothing like that character.

/ænd/ /ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

I'm gonna sue everyone involved with this film.

/ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /wɪð/ /fɪlm/

So, you're-you're gonna sue them on the grounds that

/ðɛm/ /ɒn/ /ðæt/

nothing like that cake thing has ever happened?

/ˈnʌθ.ɪŋ/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/ /keɪk/ /θɪŋ/ /hæz/ /ˈɛv.ər/ /ˈhæpənd/

If Ted didn't want me to eat that cake,

/ɪf/ /wɒnt/ /miː/ /iːt/ /ðæt/ /keɪk/

he should have put a note on it.

/hiː/ /ʃʊd/ /hæv/ /pʊt/ /noʊt/ /ɒn/ /ɪt/

Oh, hi, Grandma. Robin, sweetheart.

/ˈɡrænmɑː/

I wanted you to have this.

/juː/ /hæv/

It's me and your grandpa on our wedding day.

/miː/ /ænd/ /jʊr/ /ɒn/ /aʊər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

Aw, that's so sweet.

/swiːt/

See my bouquet?

/siː/ /maɪ/

Those wildflowers--

/ðoʊz/

they were supposed to be hydrangeas,

/ðeɪ/ /wɜːr/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /biː/

but there was a mix-up at the florist's.

/bʌt/ /ðɛr/ /wɒz/

I was so upset.

/wɒz/ /ʌpˈsɛt/

Your grandpa went behind the church

/jʊr/ /wɛnt/ /bɪˈhaɪnd/ /tʃɜːrtʃ/

and picked those wildflowers

/ænd/ /ðoʊz/

for me. And now

/fɔːr/ /miː/ /ænd/ /naʊ/

he's buried... Behind the very same church,

/bɪˈhaɪnd/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /seɪm/ /tʃɜːrtʃ/

surrounded by the very same wildflowers.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /seɪm/

Okay, Grandma, watching a movie. Got to go.

/ˈɡrænmɑː/ /ˈwɒtʃɪŋ/ /ˈmuːvi/ /ɡoʊ/

Every single holiday,

/ˈɛv.ri/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /ˈhɒlɪdeɪ/

that same dumb story.

/ðæt/ /seɪm/ /ˈstɔːri/

Sorry, Grandma, not as touching as you think it is.

/ˈsɒr.i/ /ˈɡrænmɑː/ /juː/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /ɪz/

At the very same church.

/ˈvɛr.i/ /seɪm/ /tʃɜːrtʃ/

Now, I want to see

/naʊ/ /wɒnt/ /siː/

if Jed can get his wiener unstuck from that thermos.

/ɪf/ /kæn/ /ɡɛt/ /hɪz/ /ðæt/

No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.

/ˈbeɪbi/

Uh, I'm sorry. Did you just

/ˈsɒr.i/ /dɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/

turn off the bride's TV on her wedding day?

/tɜːrn/ /ɒf/ /ɒn/ /hɜːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

Oh! Is this your wedding day?

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /deɪ/

I'm sorry. I couldn't tell because you're acting

/ˈsɒr.i/ /tɛl/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈæktɪŋ/

like it's any other Sunday morning, and it's not.

/laɪk/ /ˈɛn.i/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /ˈsʌndeɪ/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/ /ænd/

Lily, if you're waiting for me to suddenly turn

/ɪf/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /ˈsʌd.ən.li/ /tɜːrn/

into th-th-the Wedding Bride, you just give up.

/ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /braɪd/ /juː/ /dʒʌst/ /ɡɪv/ /ʌp/

That's just not me. Fine.

/dʒʌst/ /miː/ /faɪn/

Maybe we should all just act like this wedding's no big deal.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /wiː/ /ʃʊd/ /ɔːl/ /dʒʌst/ /ækt/ /laɪk/ /noʊ/ /bɪɡ/ /diːl/

Maybe I don't even feel like wearing my bridesmaid's dress.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ˈiːvən/ /fiːl/ /laɪk/ /maɪ/ /drɛs/

Great. It-It's just a wedding. Who cares what people wear?

/ɡreɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /huː/ /kɛrz/ /wɒt/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /wɛr/

Say yes to the suit!

/seɪ/ /suːt/

I can't! I can't.

Great. Because I actually brought a different dress

/ɡreɪt/ /bɪˈkɔːz/ /ˈæktʃuəli/ /ˈdɪfrənt/ /drɛs/

that I'd like to wear.

/ðæt/ /laɪk/ /wɛr/

Fine. Fine.

/faɪn/ /faɪn/

Oh, no. Oh, no.

/noʊ/ /noʊ/

Maybe I'll go put it on right now.

/ˈmeɪbi/ /ɡoʊ/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /raɪt/ /naʊ/

Go right ahead. What?

/ɡoʊ/ /raɪt/ /wɒt/

I'm so sorry.

/ˈsɒr.i/

What, why?

/wɒt/ /waɪ/

I know this story, too.

/noʊ/ /ˈstɔːri/

Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin and Lily get in a big fight

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ænd/ /ɡɛt/ /bɪɡ/ /faɪt/

and then, a few minutes later, there's a knock at the door.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /fjuː/ /ˈleɪtər/ /nɒk/ /dɔːr/

Hello. Hello.

I've told you this one before.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

A few times.

/fjuː/ /taɪmz/

I'm just...

/dʒʌst/

a boring old man who won't stop spinning yarns.

/ˈbɔːrɪŋ/ /oʊld/ /mæn/ /huː/ /stɒp/

Oh, hey. I love your yarns.

/lʌv/ /jʊr/

I hope you never stop spinning them.

/hoʊp/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /stɒp/ /ðɛm/

But...

/bʌt/

You're the love of my life, Pooh Bear.

/lʌv/ /maɪ/ /laɪf/ /bɛr/

I just worry about you.

/dʒʌst/ /ˈwʌri/ /əˈbaʊt/ /juː/

I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories.

/wɒnt/ /juː/ /biː/ /ɡaɪ/ /huː/ /hɪz/ /ˈstɔːriz/

Life only moves forward.

/laɪf/ /ˈoʊnli/ /ˈfɔːr.wərd/

So what happens next?

/wɒt/ /ˈhæpənz/ /nɛkst/

With Lily and the wedding dress, I mean.

/wɪð/ /ænd/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /drɛs/ /miːn/

Well... she brought the dress

/wɛl/ /ʃiː/ /drɛs/

so that she and Marshall could get new wedding photos taken.

/ðæt/ /ʃiː/ /ænd/ /kʊd/ /ɡɛt/ /njuː/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Because in yet another story that I know...

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /jɛt/ /əˈnʌðər/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ðæt/ /noʊ/

No! Nooooooooo

/noʊ/

What kind of space would I have in my brain for other things

/wɒt/ /kaɪnd/ /speɪs/ /wʊd/ /hæv/ /maɪ/ /breɪn/ /fɔːr/ /ˈʌð.ər/ /θɪŋz/

if I didn't know all this?

/ɪf/ /noʊ/ /ɔːl/

Eh, probably just state birds

/ˈprɒbəbli/ /dʒʌst/

or some crap.

/sʌm/

So, uh,

Lily wanted to borrow Robin's photographer.

That shouldn't be a problem. Shouldn't be

/ðæt/ /biː/ /ˈprɒbləm/ /biː/

a problem, Robin? Of course it should be a problem.

/ˈprɒbləm/ /kɔːrs/ /ɪt/ /ʃʊd/ /biː/ /ˈprɒbləm/

This is your wedding.

/ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

You can't let somebody borrow your photographer.

/juː/ /lɛt/ /ˈsʌm.bɒd.i/ /jʊr/

Don't worry. She's not serious, Robin.

/ˈwʌri/ /ˈsɪəriəs/

I didn't even bring the suit that I wore to our wedding.

/ˈiːvən/ /brɪŋ/ /suːt/ /ðæt/ /aʊər/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Yes, you did.

/juː/ /dɪd/

It's in our room.

/aʊər/ /ruːm/

Go put it on. We're doing this.

/ɡoʊ/ /pʊt/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/

And, Robin, since you don't seem to care,

/ænd/ /sɪns/ /juː/ /siːm/ /kɛr/

I think I'll be wearing this to the ceremony.

/θɪŋk/ /biː/

Fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!

/faɪn/ /faɪn/ /faɪn/ /faɪn/

Fine. There's a very simple solution here.

/faɪn/ /ˈvɛr.i/ /ˈsɪm.pəl/ /səˈluːʃən/ /hɪr/

We might as well just face it.

/wiː/ /maɪt/ /wɛl/ /dʒʌst/ /feɪs/ /ɪt/

U.S. Marines have to get married in uniform, so...

/hæv/ /ɡɛt/ /ˈmærid/ /ˈjuːnɪfɔːrm/

I'll just go enlist.

/dʒʌst/ /ɡoʊ/

Dude,

we can enlist together! That's the dream!

/wiː/ /kæn/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/ /driːm/

That's not the...

I wonder if they let you pick bunkmates. I hope they do.

/ˈwʌndər/ /ɪf/ /ðeɪ/ /lɛt/ /juː/ /pɪk/ /hoʊp/ /ðeɪ/ /duː/

Although I might want to request a single. You'll make friends.

/ɔːlˈðoʊ/ /maɪt/ /wɒnt/ /rɪˈkwɛst/ /ˈsɪŋɡəl/ /meɪk/ /frɛndz/

Look, enough of this.

/lʊk/ /ɪˈnʌf/

Tim made you this amazing suit.

/juː/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/ /suːt/

Put it on.

/pʊt/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/

This feels weird.

/fiːlz/

That's because it's new.

/bɪˈkɔːz/ /njuː/

It's a suit that's never been worn before,

/suːt/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /bɪˈfɔːr/

a suit you never dreamed you'd wear.

/suːt/ /juː/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /wɛr/

All of this suit's memories are still ahead of it.

/ɔːl/ /ɪt/

Look, picture it, huh?

/lʊk/ /ˈpɪk.tʃər/ /ɪt/

The ceremony.

When everyone stands up for me? They do that for her.

/wɛn/ /ˈɛv.ri.wʌn/ /ʌp/ /fɔːr/ /miː/ /ðeɪ/ /duː/ /ðæt/ /fɔːr/ /hɜːr/

They should.

/ðeɪ/ /ʃʊd/

She's gonna look amazing.

/lʊk/ /əˈmeɪzɪŋ/

You'd better believe it.

/ˈbɛt.ər/ /bɪˈliːv/ /ɪt/

She walks down the aisle,

/ʃiː/ /daʊn/

you say your vows,

/juː/ /seɪ/ /jʊr/ /vaʊz/

you go to the reception,

/juː/ /ɡoʊ/

you have your first dance.

/juː/ /hæv/ /jʊr/ /fɜːrst/ /dæns/

And before you know it, just like magic,

/ænd/ /bɪˈfɔːr/ /juː/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /dʒʌst/ /laɪk/ /ˈmædʒɪk/

you realize...

/juː/

it's a perfect fit.

/ˈpɜːr.fɪkt/ /fɪt/

You're right, Ted.

/raɪt/

This is the one.

/ɪz/

Thanks. Thanks.

So...

belts.

Hey, Lil. Nice dress.

/naɪs/ /drɛs/

You two were made for each other.

/juː/ /tuː/ /wɜːr/ /fɔːr/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈʌð.ər/

Like, does no one care that I'm wearing this dress?

/laɪk/ /dʌz/ /noʊ/ /kɛr/ /ðæt/ /drɛs/

I care.

/kɛr/

Okay. Now you're good.

/naʊ/ /ɡʊd/

Okay, look,

/lʊk/

I know this is your wedding, but this is

/noʊ/ /ɪz/ /jʊr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /bʌt/ /ɪz/

a big moment for all of us.

/bɪɡ/ /ˈmoʊmənt/ /fɔːr/ /ɔːl/ /ʌs/

This may be the last time we're all hanging out together

/meɪ/ /biː/ /læst/ /taɪm/ /ɔːl/ /ˈhæŋɪŋ/ /aʊt/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

for who knows how long.

/fɔːr/ /huː/ /haʊ/ /lɔːŋ/

I mean, tomorrow morning,

/miːn/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/ /ˈmɔːr.nɪŋ/

Ted's leaving for Chicag...

/fɔːr/

Oh, boy. Lily.

/bɔɪ/

Wait, you already know.

/weɪt/ /juː/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /noʊ/

You already know.

/juː/ /ɔːlˈrɛd.i/ /noʊ/

You're married to Lily, which means...

/ˈmærid/ /wɪtʃ/

She pocket-texted me while you were telling her.

/ʃiː/ /miː/ /waɪl/ /juː/ /wɜːr/ /hɜːr/

So...

everybody knows I'm moving to Chicago tomorrow.

/ˈɛv.ri.bɒd.i/ /təˈmɒr.oʊ/

Lily's right.

/raɪt/

We don't know the next time that we'll all be together.

/wiː/ /noʊ/ /nɛkst/ /taɪm/ /ðæt/ /ɔːl/ /biː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

And then I think it hit all of us.

/ænd/ /ðɛn/ /θɪŋk/ /ɪt/ /ɔːl/ /ʌs/

We didn't know the next time we'd be together.

/wiː/ /noʊ/ /nɛkst/ /taɪm/ /biː/ /təˈɡɛð.ər/

This was it.

/wɒz/ /ɪt/

And it's funny.

/ænd/ /ˈfʌn.i/

In a moment like that,

/ˈmoʊmənt/ /laɪk/ /ðæt/

when what's really happening

/wɛn/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈhæpənɪŋ/

is too intense to deal with,

/ɪz/ /diːl/ /wɪð/

sometimes it's best...

/ˈsʌm.taɪmz/ /bɛst/

To leave it unspoken

/liːv/ /ɪt/

and just enjoy each other's company instead.

/ænd/ /dʒʌst/ /ɪnˈdʒɔɪ/ /iːtʃ/ /ˈkʌmpəni/ /ɪnˈstɛd/

You know, I've been wanting to see this movie.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /siː/ /ˈmuːvi/

Yes, movie time.

/ˈmuːvi/ /taɪm/

So it's not bad luck for the...

/bæd/ /lʌk/ /fɔːr/

bride to see the groom in his wedding suit?

/braɪd/ /siː/ /hɪz/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /suːt/

I think it's fine. Nice tie.

/θɪŋk/ /faɪn/ /naɪs/ /taɪ/

Thanks. There was a cornflower blue one I almost went with.

/ðɛr/ /wɒz/ /bluː/ /ˈɔːlmoʊst/ /wɛnt/ /wɪð/

Oh. Um, Oh. Um,

that would've brought out your eyes.

/ðæt/ /aʊt/ /jʊr/ /aɪz/

You brought more than one tie, right?

/juː/ /mɔːr/ /ðæn/ /taɪ/ /raɪt/

I was trying to pack light.

/wɒz/ /laɪt/

Hey, you know what, maybe the, uh, groomsmen should go get some food.

/juː/ /noʊ/ /wɒt/ /ˈmeɪbi/ /ʃʊd/ /ɡoʊ/ /ɡɛt/ /sʌm/ /fuːd/

I don't want Ted to have to sit through this movie.

/wɒnt/ /hæv/ /sɪt/ /θruː/ /ˈmuːvi/

Ah. I appreciate that, Narshall.

/əˈpriːʃieɪt/ /ðæt/

Really? Really?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/

Aw, damn it. Sorry, I saw it on a plane.

/ɪt/ /ˈsɒr.i/ /sɔː/ /ɪt/ /ɒn/ /pleɪn/

it's gonna be a thing now, Narshall. Right?

/biː/ /θɪŋ/ /naʊ/ /raɪt/

Narshall. Dude,

settle down, Swarley.

/ˈsɛtl/ /daʊn/

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, Swarlize Theron, take it easy.

/teɪk/ /ɪt/ /ˈiː.zi/

Man, this was supposed to be my special day.

/mæn/ /wɒz/ /səˈpoʊzd/ /biː/ /maɪ/ /ˈspɛʃəl/ /deɪ/

Oh. Hey, we survived the storm!

/wiː/ /stɔːrm/

Oh, Narshall, did you do that?

/dɪd/ /juː/ /duː/ /ðæt/

Nope. Wasn't me.

/miː/

Well, then who was it?

/wɛl/ /ðɛn/ /huː/ /wɒz/ /ɪt/

A gorilla! Gorilla! A Gorilla! Gorilla!

/ɡəˈrɪlə/ /ɡəˈrɪlə/ /ɡəˈrɪlə/ /ɡəˈrɪlə/

So that

/ðæt/

really happened to Ted?

/ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /ˈhæpənd/

That is exactly what went down.

/ðæt/ /ɪz/ /ɪɡˈzæktli/ /wɒt/ /wɛnt/ /daʊn/

Chapter and verse.

/ænd/

Uh-oh. Out of ice.

/aʊt/ /aɪs/

I'll get it. Oh, no. Got it. Sit down.

/ɡɛt/ /ɪt/ /noʊ/ /ɪt/ /sɪt/ /daʊn/

Plus, the, uh, vending machine's got a loose coil.

/plʌs/

I'm gonna try to hip check my way

/traɪ/ /tʃɛk/ /maɪ/ /weɪ/

into some free Tropical Skittles.

/sʌm/ /friː/ /ˈtrɒpɪkəl/

Your sister's not like most brides, is she?

/jʊr/ /laɪk/ /moʊst/ /ɪz/ /ʃiː/

She's a Scherbatsky. She's not gonna lose her Timbits

/luːz/ /hɜːr/

just 'cause she's getting married.

/dʒʌst/ /kɔːz/ /ˈɡɛtɪŋ/ /ˈmærid/

I guess some people just never have that

/ɡɛs/ /sʌm/ /ˈpiː.pəl/ /dʒʌst/ /ˈnɛv.ər/ /hæv/ /ðæt/

"holy crap, this is my wedding" moment.

/ɪz/ /maɪ/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/ /ˈmoʊmənt/

Mom? Mom?

/mɒm/ /mɒm/

That's the story.

/ˈstɔːri/

Right down to the surprise ending.

/raɪt/ /daʊn/ /sərˈpraɪz/

Is that really such a surprise?

/ɪz/ /ðæt/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /sʌtʃ/ /sərˈpraɪz/

I mean, come on.

/miːn/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

Yeah, of course she showed up.

/kɔːrs/ /ʃiː/ /ʌp/

What mother is gonna miss her daughter's wedding?

/wɒt/ /ˈmʌð.ər/ /ɪz/ /mɪs/ /hɜːr/ /ˈwɛdɪŋ/

Oh, hey. Oh, hey.

No. Come on.

/noʊ/ /kʌm/ /ɒn/

It's okay. I'm fine.

/faɪn/

I'm okay.

Did Barney really wear a scuba suit into the bar?

/dɪd/ /ˈrɪ.ə.li/ /wɛr/ /suːt/ /bɑːr/

I've told you that story a million times.

/toʊld/ /juː/ /ðæt/ /ˈstɔːri/ /ˈmɪljən/ /taɪmz/

Yeah, but where did Barney get the scuba suit?

/bʌt/ /wɛr/ /dɪd/ /ɡɛt/ /suːt/

He stole it.

/hiː/ /stoʊl/ /ɪt/

What?

/wɒt/

Yeah. Yeah

I can't believe I forgot that.

/bɪˈliːv/ /fərˈɡɒt/ /ðæt/

He... walked right into a sporting goods store,

/hiː/ /raɪt/ /stɔːr/

tried on a scuba suit, and walked right out the door.

/ɒn/ /suːt/ /ænd/ /raɪt/ /aʊt/ /dɔːr/

Walked all the way home in it, like, 20 blocks.

/ɔːl/ /weɪ/ /hoʊm/ /ɪt/ /laɪk/